“You only touch a nerve by telling a truth.”

“You only touch a nerve by telling a truth.”

Last week, I wrote an op-ed piece on the recent sexual assaults in Park Slope, Brooklyn and the ensuing contretemps surrounding a police officer’s controversial remarks to a woman about her attire. The remarks, seen as sexist, had feminists crying foul. In the article, I asked Susan Walsh of Hooking Up Smart (HUS), and Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon.net for their thoughts. Walsh and Marcotte are ideological opposites — Marcotte is one of the leaders of today’s feminist movement; Walsh believes that Marcotte and her ilk’s contemporary feminist doctrine is dangerous and counter-productive. After linking to my article on HUS, a war raged in the comments section, in which anti-feminist rants from men abounded. Naturally, Marcotte supporters were in the minority.  One battle in particular pitted some poor gal named “Stephanie” against everyone else, and although I disagree with her position, I give her credit for taking the time to understand contrasting viewpoints. As of press time, there were 370 comments and that number will likely grow until Walsh’s next blog entry.

Like many of Walsh’s posts that deal with feminism and modern-day sexual mores, my piece clearly hit a nerve among men. As Rebecca Traister once wrote in a Salon.com review of Maureen Dowd’s contentious book Are Men Necessary?: “You only touch a nerve by telling a truth.”

The truth in this case, I believe, is a very real burgeoning discontent among men today with the feminist movement.  While it’s difficult to know if the comments within Walsh’s post are representational of the larger male population, it would be disingenuous not to acknowledge a growing resentment, restlessness, and frustration that, contrary to what some may argue, does not seem to be operating at the fringes. In fact, it’s a sentiment that seems to be growing daily and in large numbers. Men are angry. And I suppose they should be.

In a recent article entitled Why Men Are in Trouble, which I also mentioned in a recent piece I wrote about the supposed sexist remark of Senator Scott Brown, author William Bennett offers insight into why this may be the case.

“The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60 percent of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50 percent, by 2006 it was 43 percent. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women’s earnings grew 44 percent in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6 percent growth for men. In 1950, 5 percent of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20 percent were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.”

Additionally, in 2008, men represented 93 percent of all workplace deaths, even though women were responsible for 43 percent of all hours worked, and about 95 percent of workplace suicides in that same year were committed by men. Single men constitute about 60 percent of the homeless population.

Men are the ones now crying foul about countless topics: the divorce court system; Title IX; gender quotas; loosened employment physical standards (e.g. firefighters, police officers, military personnel, etc.) for women but not men; confusing dating mores (is it no wonder they’re running in droves to the Seduction Community?); male gender bias in school systems; disingenuous domestic violence numbers; misleading wage gap statistics; derailment of stimulus money for “testosterone-laden, shovel-ready” jobs. (On the topic of domestic violence: I’m beginning to see more and more examples of female on male violence. Just look at reality television, for instance. Shows like Teen Mom and Jersey Shore show frequent examples of this sort of abuse. In the case of Teen Mom, one of the female leads was arrested for her actions, but when Jenni “JWOWW” Farley attacked Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – see video here – nobody seemed to bat an eyelash. Compare that collective indifference with the headlines sweeping the nation when Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was hit by a man – see video here. How many examples of female on male violence are actually reported, anyway? And finally, God help me for knowing those fist-pumping delinquents’ names by heart.)

A blogger named “Byron,” a frequent commenter on Walsh’s site and an eloquent one at that, sums up the growing disillusionment in a different way. In his personal blog, he writes: “We cannot apply identical expectations to both men and women, as men and women are, by definition, different. If you have a law or a morality that is very easy for 50 percent of the people to live under and very hard for the other 50 percent, it isn’t a fair law, and it isn’t a healthy morality.”

If the pendulum of gender equality once swung all the way to one side it’s now perhaps well on its way to the other.  I’m truly thankful to the Suffragettes of yesteryear, who, frustrated with their social and economic lot in life, helped women make tremendous gains. I’m truly thankful to the feminists who helped pave the way for equal pay and equal rights and equal opportunity. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a woman who has been a college professor for 35 years. She told me that when she first started teaching, a couple of the male faculty members at the college where she worked asked if she wanted to join the faculty wives club. “I sent my husband,” she said with a Cheshire Cat grin. While not the most abhorrent of statements and probably not intended maliciously, I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to those days (although watching this guy live would have been fun).

I can’t help but wonder, though: When it comes to the present day, as men’s bitterness grows and women’s progress continues at the expense of men’s, has the fairer sex gone too far? Are we now committing the sins that we spent years admonishing men for?

Men sure think so. They argue misandry is on the rise.

The anti-misandry movement, however, is also on the rise, bubbling just below the surface of mainstream reporting. Type in the word “misandry” into a Google search, though, and all sorts of articles and book titles appear. On YouTube, there are hundreds of videos dealing with the subject. Websites and blogs dedicated to exposing feminist indoctrination flourish. (This video in particular I found poignant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZAuqkqxk9A.)

Men are starting to feel like they’re the enemy. That sentiment makes sense when you come across blogs like Eve’s Daughter, in which she dedicates an entire post to listing all the ways men are rape-supporters. The first bullet point says a man is a rape-supporter if “he’s ever sexually engaged with a woman while she was drunk or high.” There go the celebrated days of Woodstock…

When I inserted myself into the hullabaloo over at Walsh’s site, I asked the male commenters the following question: “There seems to be a growing animosity and resentment from men towards the feminist movement, and it’s certainly reflected in these threads. I am curious to know: From a male POV, what could the feminist movement do to bring men on board?”

I don’t align myself with the modern-day feminist movement (although I am grateful for gains previous waves achieved), but I am curious to know from the male perspective if there’s a way to bridge what I see as an ever-growing divide – one that more and more seems to be pitting the sexes against each other rather than uniting them. Men want to be heard when it comes to these topics; they want to talk freely and openly as men but, ironically, feel that their honesty only brings tsking, shame and derision (the way women once felt or still feel, perhaps). But how can we get anywhere unless we have honest discussion? Or, in the words of blogger Byron: “How do you talk between the sexes about the differing experiences of sex?”I, for one, wanted to listen to what they had to say. Here is a small sampling of some of their responses:

Wayfinder: For me, the good in the post-first-wave feminist movement was co-opted on the academic side around the time of deconstructionism. The academy has moved past that, but feminism is still mired in the 20th century ideologies that produced it. In attempting to root out underlying ideologies behind prejudices, they became the thought crime enforcers they were trying to fight.

So, I’m not sure that the feminist movement needs men or women at this point. I think its ideology is due for being replaced with something a bit more gender-realist, something that acknowledges that there are differences between the sexes and that the women actually like it that way aren’t brainwashed.

To put it another way, feminists have defined masculinity as the enemy while simultaneously trying to ape the male-success standards. Cultures have existed that celebrated women’s achievements, but feminists discount them because they aren’t defined as male achievements.

To address the point I think you’re looking for, feminism can’t bring men on board until they stop defining male masculinity and female femininity as the enemy.

Jesus Mahoney: Way back in 2002, Shelby Steele wrote a great essay for Harpers entitled :The Age of White Guilt: and the disappearance of the black individual” about the Civil Rights Movement in America, and I think that much of what he says there can be applied to the Feminist Movement equally well.

I’m sure you can find a link to it somewhere, but the gist of the article is that a political movement that demands recompense for grievances (i.e. a movement of people playing the victim card) robs the individuals that comprise that group of their personal power, and therefore cannot achieve anything of lasting value.

In short, insofar as battle against racism has been won at all, it’s been done by black individuals who have shown their worth in society, not by black groups shouting for freedom and equality.

In short, people should stop jockeying for political power and start reclaiming their individual power.

If women want power, they need to start living lives of power instead of complaining about being victims.  In other words, they have to display their value to society instead of just screaming about it.

In short, Feminists must have been snoozing through high school English while their teachers were exhorting them to “show, don’t tell.”

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About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

52 Responses

  1. dragnet

    A decent piece, except for this part:

    “It would be dishonest not to acknowledge that feminism has helped men in important ways: It’s reduced the financial burden of men; it’s allowed men the option to be stay-at-home dads and thus nurture their relationships with their children”

    This notion that the existence of the working women was a victory of feminism or a blow to evil patriarchy needs to die a quick death. The stay-at-home wife isn’t so much an invention of timeless male oppression as is was a holdover from the Victorian era when women were “kept” as a sign of status. The relic survived as industrial societies began concentrating production away from the home in factories, and men had to spend long hours away from their families, leaving the women to look over things. Before that the home was also the factory, and as such women were expected, and happily did, provide substantial economic value to their families. Or you can look at the Old Testament a read Solomon’s proverb about the “virtuous woman”. He talks endlessly about her labour and the considerable economic value she provides to her family…in a highly patriarchal society.

    Let’s also go ahead and kill off this meme about how fathers didn’t nurture close relationships with their children until the feminists came along. Many patriarchal societies had presumed father custody upon divorce and men were intimately involved with their children lives, directing their educations and training as soon as they were able to walk.

    I think part of the anger guys’ feel is because even non-feminists and well-meaning women have just bought so completely into the lies and caricaturing of patriarchal societies done by corrupt and dishonest feminists over the past 50 years. I don’t think we can truly move forward until these cranks and charlatans have been called out and debunked. And the first step is for people to get their facts straight.

    Aside from this, it’s a decent piece—certainly a step in the right direction.

    • Tom

      Agreed. That graph just reinforced the fact that many women who are supposedly friendly to the anti-misandry movement still don’t get it on a fundamental level.

    • The Deuce

      “It’s reduced the financial burden of men”

      Heh, that’s a rather interesting way of spinning the fact that feminism has stomped mens’ wages into the dirt. We’re working just as hard (when we can even find jobs, that is), but we’re no longer “burdened” with those heavy wallets!

      • no more mr nice guy

        I’m a guy, I’m not a feminist, I don’t like Amanda Marcotte and I should have said “they believe that any MAN or woman that disagree with them is a feminist” 🙂

        And about the article, I agree with that:

        “It would be dishonest not to acknowledge that feminism has helped men in important ways: It’s reduced the financial burden of men; it’s allowed men the option to be stay-at-home dads and thus nurture their relationships with their children”

        Before feminism, the only things that men were doing with their children was to punish them, scare them and tell them to join the army. Because women were allowed to work outside, men were effectively able to become stay-at-home dad and guys are far less macho than in the past.

        And because of their economic freedom, women are no longer forced to marry to richest guy or the most powerful guy which give more opportunities to other guys.

    • Dogsquat

      It’s too bad that this poster didn’t take advantage of the opportunity afforded her (or him).

      There are a bunch of intelligent (the other dudes, not me) men interested in these issues quoted here. We’re obviously going to read the comments, along with the regular readers. We are generally polite and interested in discourse. This is a neutral, if not friendly, place for someone who disagrees with anything we wrote.

      Rather than engage, debate, learn, and perhaps change a mind or two – this poster chose to call me a name, lie about my preferences in blogs, and use a being verb right next to a contraction.

      I’m a guy with a problem using commas and hyphens correctly – I admit that. I’m going to group therapy for it twice a week, and I just started taking 100 mg Dehifenol APA (Mucholistol Indasentenzase). My doctors and I are hopeful for the future. I don’t mind the name calling and insults so much, nor the blatant speculation about how I’ll treat a woman who disagrees with me. What cuts me like a Wüsthof Classic Filet knife is this sentence:

      “And here’s are the two dating gurus that they admire the most.”

      I am a weak and fragile man. I implore The Universe, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, The Great Magnet, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, and The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal to spare me from this torture. I simply cannot take another one.

      • Byron

        Still never really read Roissy or Roosh, just the odd quote here & there. I certainly don’t ‘admire’ them. I do wish Amanda would just talk to me first before writing things like that.

      • BSD

        You people are dumbasses if you think that no more mr. nice guy is Amanda Marcotte. He’s a French Canadian man who comments on social interactions and dating and the failures he sees in the PUA sphere from his own perspective and experiences in life in dealing with avoidant personality disorder. He’s incredibly insightful and astute and you all could gain a lot from reading his blog. It doesn’t just cover the PUA sphere but a lot of other topics, namely multiculturalism, where liberals fail, and other random topics (music, books, kittens).

        And he speaks more than one language, in case you’re wondering why he might have an occasional grammatical error. How many languages do you speak? One? Figured.

      • SexPozAss

        Of course Marcotte would NEVER make comments where she has no censorship control and especially on a mainstream site like this one where she will absolutely be made to look like the fool she is. She is wise to avoid any forum where Susan Walsh can directly confront and mop the floor with her.

      • Dogsquat

        High there, Bright Stormy Day! Nice to “see” you.

        I certainly don’t think the above poster is Ms. Marcotte.

        I do okay in German, although I’m not fluent anymore. I use Spanish a lot in my day to day work as a street ‘medic, but I’ve never been formally taught and I doubt I could read/write any. I speak barely enough Arabic to (mostly) not get blown up – and that is fast leaving my mind. The only languages I can read and write are German (gradeschool level), English (passable), and Medicalese (BRBPR! It’s grrrrreat!).

        I’m terrible at enough languages to have great respect for those who are good at several. That is not a skill that comes easily to me. I certainly hope it was obvious I was making a joke.

        I shall not apologize for my comment – there was no personal attack, no name calling, and no aspersions cast upon anyone’s character. That is better treatment than I have received from you or “No More Mr. Nice Guys”.

        I’m sorry you think I’m a dumbass. I liked you quite a bit when you posted on HUS. I hope your sense of humor is not gone permanently, and that you eventually recover from whatever made you so angry.

        Have a good one, and I wish you health and happiness.

        Yours in Having Awesome Steak au Poivre for Dinner and Why The Hell Am I Still Typing This When I Could Be Eating,

        Dogsquat, Eater Of Steak (3rd Class)

      • BSD

        Dogsquat I like you. A lot. I’m sorry I was mean to you. Let’s hold hands.

        Also, I guess karma must exist because I had the same experience today. As in, I was you, and the other person was me. If that makes any sense. (Don’t make fun of me).

      • The Deuce

        I think most of us are familiar with NMMNG. He’s a toadying little parrot for the sex pozzie feminists. He’s not Marcotte, but he might as well be (though she’s probably got more testosterone running through her veins than he does).

      • no more mr nice guy

        Guys, do you understand that you are incoherent ? On one hand you denounce men-hating feminists (and you will have no problem finding people that agree with you about that), and at the same time, you believe that anybody that disagree with you is also a feminist and an enemy. And if you read this place, you will find they are definitively on sex-positive side.

      • mgwk

        Dogsquat’s words (@ Oct. 22, 2011 at 1:47 am) in response to “No More” here’s are making me chuckle. In a more serious vein, the thoughts expressed here by masculinity-positive men have a great deal of substance. They suggest a way forward, while folks like Amanda Marcotte illuminate the reasons that the current state of affairs is often so unhappy. As a father with both a daughter and a son, I have to thank Marcotte and her sisterhood for their good work in opening my eyes. My kids especially are benefiting, as they approach the start of dating.

        Readers who are intrigued by the ideas discussed in this article might find the views of a particularly articulate pro-feminine writer worth a quick look. “Bb” blogs pseudonymously at her site http://bbsezmore.wordpress.com/


    Yes, wtf is this?

    “It would be dishonest not to acknowledge that feminism has helped men in important ways: It’s reduced the financial burden of men; it’s allowed men the option to be stay-at-home dads and thus nurture their relationships with their children”

    • BSD

      You should check his blog. We’ve talked about you and what a failure you are. As evidenced by how far your head is shoved up Susan Walsh’s ass.

      • Ferdinand Bardamu

        Yohami, don’t waste your time. No More Mr. Nice Guy is a middle-aged antisocial dork who brags about how he can’t leave his house and talk to anyone without getting panic attacks. His “experience” with women and other people comes solely from posting on Internet forums. His arguments against the manosphere are full of logical fallacies and idiotic premises, and he and his fans spend all day gossiping about manosphere bloggers like women at a coffee klatch. In other words, he and his cohort are losers.

      • Ferdinand Bardamu

        I don’t. I’m just cautioning Yohami against wasting his time with a bunch of failures who have nothing better to do then spread rumors about people they don’t even know.

      • BSD

        From what I’ve read, there wasn’t a lot of rumor spreading. Just postulations, generalizations (towards men in the mansphere, no one specific), and whatever was said about someone was backed up with link or a quote that they’ve stated before. I don’t see anyone posting real names, addresses, jobs, or making accusations that could harm a person’s reputation. They take what people say and put links to the original (if they’re speaking specifically).

        It’s similar to what you just did. You took the information on nmmng’s blog, then used ad hominem. In fact, it’s not just similar, it’s the same. IIRC, you tried to pull the same shit with me at Aaron’s blog when I trashed some people in the manosphere. The difference is that I found what you wrote.

      • Anonymous

        “I don’t see anyone posting real names, addresses, jobs, or making accusations that could harm a person’s reputation. ”
        This is true, that’s more like what happens on Ferdinand’s blog. Perhaps the editor and readers of this magazine should check it out.

        And Ferdinand if No More Mr Nice Guy is middle aged, so is this dude Yohami. They are about the same age.

  3. GudEnuf

    “That sentiment makes sense when you come across blogs like Eve’s Daughter, in which she dedicates an entire post to listing all the ways men are rape-supporters.”

    That isn’t even her worst post. From http://evebitfirst.wordpress.com/2010/10/07/a-rant/

    “Dear men:


    No, seriously. This is a rant, and it’s about you, personally. You, personally, are a shit, because statistics indicate there is an almost 100% certainty that you have either committed a rape, or wanted to commit a rape, or knowingly assisted or defended someone who committed a rape, or mocked a woman who was raped. And no, I’m not dropping links to tell you what you should damn well already know.

    Here is what you know: that you are a vile and depraved chunk of flesh that doesn’t matter to the world. You exist in a reality you perpetuate in which value is all relative, in which everything is placed into a hierarchy, which in the end means that nothing has inherent value. You are literally worthless.

    And you are willing to do it so long as someone is worth less. So part of the way you deal with that is to try to make women worth less. You whine and whinge and cry about the Big Brother Corporations or Big Brother Government or Big Brother China-taking-all-our-jobs or Big Brother asshole-who-beat-you-up-in-seventh-grade or Big Brother who-raped-you, but in the end you lap it up and pass the buck so that you can have someone underneath your own thumb. You only care about your rank in the pecking order, so spare me the crocodile tears.


    If the world was the tiniest bit just, or fair, or merciful, or righteous, I would be out there with a knife or a gun hunting you down. I would offer you blowjobs for forty dollars behind the building and then dispatch you quickly in quiet solitude. I would be kinder than you, because I would only go after adults. I would be kinder than you, because I would do it quickly and not torture you first. I would be kinder than you, because I wouldn’t call you names or demean you or psychologically terrorize you while I was doing it. You would be released from the psychotic prison of your mind, and there would be one less man out there threatening my mother, my sisters, my daughters, and my self.

    You wouldn’t know who I was. I smile at you in that elevator. I dress inconspicuously. I call you “sir” if you’re older. I’m the one who serves you coffee at the drive-thru window, and you crack jokes to try to get me to smile. I’m the one who cleans your office, who you greet by first name and a smile with that little half-wave. I’m the one who tells you to turn your head to the side and cough. I could poison you, I could go through your desk drawer and destroy your finances, I could kill you on the operating table. I could do things to you. You don’t know. I’m your next door neighbor, your secretary, your sister, your wife. I’m the “loud” “fat” woman in your office you dismiss out of hand. I’m the young Asian girl from downstairs you eroticize because of my presumed submissiveness.

    It’s ironic, really – you try to subvert, and corrupt, and infect, and distort, and mangle, and destroy our lives because you aren’t even sure you have one. It’s obvious that you don’t deserve one.

    You aren’t scared of me, but maybe you should be. Because I know what you are. And I know how this will end.

    You think this sounds violent? Don’t even start; I know what you look at when you masturbate.”

    Has any of the “extremists” in the manosphere said something this inflammatory?

  4. Geo

    Having been actively “male” for 60 years, I find the strong blaming by many Men of:

    “Feminism” or “Women” rather common and unfortunate. I can accept fully men who were abused as boys by their mothers having major anger towards their mothers. I can understand some of the resentment young men may have when they may be repeatedly rebuffed in their efforts with young women.

    At the same time I see relatively few men talking of how “masculinity” as we’ve been taught it and pressured towards most commonly by other men is dangerous to our survival in various ways. I’ve seen only limited efforts amongst fellow men to build real serious support – and even caring from our peers – our buddies – other men. It seems that homophobia – triumphs far too often as well as our being stuck in worlds such as sports and video games – which tend towards superficiality.

    Yes, we men are hurting – that’s very, very true! Sadly, we tend towards lashing out – and not looking realistically at how we need to struggle together and work at building – something (positive) for ourselves. Feminism – didn’t magically help women with their issues with the first books of the 1960’s – at a distance.

    Perhaps – rape, domestic violence and stalking (of women) – aren’t “our issues” today. Then – perhaps we might consider bullying – as a first step – as a “men’s issue”. I’ve collected lots of – URL’s – leading to many resources on many issues at: A Men’s Project: http://www.AMensProject.com – not – for-profit or exploitation or similar – but honestly to try to help. Thanks!

  5. jack


    You have already achieved “peak participation” from men. From this point forward, you will slowly lose more men than you will gain as allies.

    This will undoubtedly make many of you enraged. Your first reaction will be to resort to the typical scolding and shaming language to try and compel men to dance to your tune.

    We are not falling for that anymore.

    If you go on a rage-filled rampage, you lose male participation. If you do not go on a rant, you lose male participation. Either way, men have figured out that feminism, as currently practiced, is about putting burdens and obligations on men, and pre-accusing them of wrongs.

    We are suppose to assist you in this?

    You NEED MEN to cooperate in order to achieve the goals of feminism. Despite all the grrrl-power talk, women cannot run a society on their own, and cannot enforce feminist dictates without the assistance and cooperation of men.

    YOU ARE LOSING THAT COOPERATION, and the effect is permanent.

    You ladies, with your brilliant cunning, have succeeded in making more misogynists than there ever where before.

    And, you should see the effect that my defiance of the female attitude has on other men. It is so much easier for me to get them off the plantation than it ever was for you to get the men on it in the first place.

    Feminism is dying, and there is NOTHING any of you can do about it.


  6. Acksiom

    “It’s reduced the financial burden of men; it’s allowed men the option to be stay-at-home dads and thus nurture their relationships with their children; it’s allowed men to look at women as their equal partners.”

    Except, of course, for how it hasn’t. Actual, material, technological improvement has done the first and allowed the second, and the third is a grotesquely bigoted insult based on feminist lies.

    Look at how many responses are calling you out for that bit of bigoted, femelitist, male-bashing crap. Look at the PERCENTAGE of responses. We’re certainly noticing that math, and we now know from many, many years of experience that If you refuse to seriously address the criticisms of this, it’s more than enough evidence to conclude that you’re just yet another user bigot trying to exploit us.

    I do actually have a simple catchphrase that answers your question. There actually is something you can do to get men on board., But you don’t deserve to have it posted on your blog yet, just like Susan over at HUS doesn’t either. You haven’t yet earned the benefits of my years of effort and training.

    You need to step up a lot harder and farther now, because any “credit” you think you’ve earned through this post has been lost in a sea of red debits from that one single quote above. That’s how it works now. That’s how much crap like that costs you, these days.

    And the longer you let it go unaddressed, the bigger, deeper, and colder that sea of red debits against you becomes.

  7. Badger

    Thanks for quoting me. That was a very provocative question and obviously got the more articulate members of the HUS community really churning.

    The tide of success and opportunity is going to take place at the individual level. “Getting men on board with feminism” is not going to happen in any collective sense – that bubble has peaked already. What an individual woman can do to get a man on board with supporting her through her life (emotionally and spiritually, in a relationship kind of way) is to support him in his life. That means developing empathy for men and for the modern male condition, being serious about addressing his emotional needs the same way you expect him to address yours without shaming him as “needy” or “a little boy,” and taking the marital “commitment” seriously, i.e. no bailing because you feel “trapped” when everything isn’t perfect. Other steps include financial discipline, some well-placed modesty and humility and excising your life of “friends” who are toxic to your relationship (i.e. distance yourself from that chronically single and unhappy sidekick. I’m looking at you, DateMeDC.)

  8. Kudos to you

    I am a man who is a strong supporter of civil liberties, individual rights, and equal opportunity. As such, I am vehemently opposed to modern feminism, which has become a supremacist movement.

    I applaud your bravery and balanced perspective for posting this piece. Seriously, I was in a bad mood today but now I feel great after reading this. Thanks for keeping an open mind.

  9. Fools2234

    Feminists are responsible for many “mens rights issues” today. VAWA, Title IX quotas (which the National Womens Law Center is trying to expand to high school sports, which will lead to boys teams being cut simply because too many boys and too few girls want to play sports).

    BUT the most disgusting and obvious form of misandry, hatred and rape paranoia from feminists is their constant push to expand rape laws.

    Read this and be sure to thank feminist lobbying for it.


  10. Factory

    Well, we’re finally starting to get through that thick wall of ‘It’s all about me’ most women have at last!

    Too bad it’s probably far too late to salvage much goodwill from men in the near future….

    You ladies really, REALLY blew it.

    • Kudos to you

      And once they realize how badly they blew it, they will blame men for letting it happen.

  11. G-O

    First I will address your predisposition that men need or should be getting on board with feminism. That right there is your first strike. Feminism is female centric, it always has been, it’s even in the name. For this reason, men can never be equals in a feminist sphere.

    Stop dominating the conversation:
    Thank you for asking for asking for Men’s perspective; It is quite rare for feminists to even ask so I truly do want to thank you for asking and doing so in a respectful way. Because of the dyadic nature of gender, any time there is a female perspective there will be a male perspective on that same issue. If we believe that Men and Women are of equal value than we need to also equally value the unique perspectives of each.

    Stop with the lies:
    You know the ones I am talking about. 1 in 4 women raped, 90ish% of violence, abuse and rape caused by men with women being 90ish% of the victims. Think about this seriously for a moment. Do you really expect men to get on board with organizations that are being so blatantly intellectually dishonest? Especially when facts are fudged in such a way to make Men the bad guy, which leads us to.

    Quit making Men the Bad guy:
    By making men your enemy you exclude us from being your ally. Why would a man want to come on board with an ideology that has declared war on him?

    • dragnet

      This needs to be said loud & clear. I’m not at all offended by generic feminism/equality language. The problem is that this is rarely how it manifests in reality. The reality is that feminists who wield institutional power use the rhetoric of equality to enact decidely misandric policies that men & boys generally (and, in the long run, damages women as well). This is what needs to end—not the push for equality.

  12. James Connolly

    There is nothing anyone can do to get me to support feminism. It is an old, rotten thing.

    I was a little boy in the early nineties and was told that women were equal to men and that sexism was wrong. I believed this. But then I grew up seeing how sexism against men is ignored or accepted. I saw how a father isn’t a real member of a family, but superfluous and disposable. I saw and felt how violence against females is abhorred while violence against men is business as usual. I was acutely aware of the gynocentricity of the education system as I went through it. Saw the man bashing on television and the suspicion in people when a man was around children. I remember being told never to ask a male stranger for help if I was alone. And then there’s expectations of chivalry. I knew from the age of 5 that I could some day be forced to fight as a soldier while my so called equals would be spared that. And if any man complains about it he is ridiculed.

    I’ve been sold a lie, grew up looking it in the face and now I’m very, very pissed off. Not going to keep quiet about it for much longer.

    Feminism isn’t going to do any good from here on. It’s fundementally female-centric to it’s core. Being feminist isn’t being progressive or radical. Feminist narratives are mainstream. It’s time for men to stand up as individuals and define themselves. Traditional and feminist values are both aim to make men into utilities for women. Traditional and feminist values aren’t about what’s good for men.

    It’s time for a new equality movement because feminism is female-centric and will never create real equality. Only equality that benefits women. Men need to reject the family, reject sacrifice for their country, reject providing for or protecting women.

    • Skeptic

      Quite a fine article in the listening to men.
      However, the final femalist paragraph of this article makes no sense –

      “It would be dishonest not to acknowledge that feminism has helped men in important ways: It’s reduced the financial burden of men; it’s allowed men the option to be stay-at-home dads and thus nurture their relationships with their children; it’s allowed men to look at women as their equal partners. Many men rejoice in these gains, and they must not lose sight of them”

      Sadly to me that seems like a misguided, rationalizing and somewhat gloating entitled set of attitudes.

      Contrary to those attitudes I think it’s important to accept certain facts –

      * It was male invented technologies rather than feminism that freed women – domestic appliances, the birth control pill and democratic politics. Only after these inventions could feminism even exist.
      Prior to that women, like men were too busy to reflect upon their sex roles.

      * Men still pay the majority of income tax, yet receive only a small fraction of state support programs women receive. As this changes due to men being left behind economically there are no feminist drives to assist men in any manner at all financially or otherwise. On the contrary feminists only push relentlessly for further gains for women willfully ignorant of men’s issues.

      * Feminism did not free men up to become stay at home dads. As I mentioned earlier because men invented the technologies to free women up to leave the home and enter paid employment men could then become stay at home dads. Some have done so despite DECADES of feminists maliciously poisoning the social environment with misandric hysteria branded all men as potentially a sexual risk to children. Therefore I believe the reality is men have bravely become stay at home dads DESPITE feminism.

      * Women have MASSIVE protection in the form of taxpayer funded supports enshrined in law and social customs which males don’t so it’s a cruel fallacy to say feminism has created equality – totally the opposite in fact!
      The reality is feminists have created sexual apartheid!

      I think the author should read – http://www.angryharry.com/notefeminismforstudents.htm

  13. Kim

    I’m curious as to why you wouldn’t want to align yourself with modern feminists? What do feminists fight for that you find so disagreeable?

    Why can’t people see that feminism is good for men too? Doesn’t it restrict men less to traditional male identities?

    I firmly hold the belief that feminism is just an outdated term for philanthropy.

  14. Wake Up

    “I am curious to know: From a male POV, what could the feminist movement do to bring men on board?”

    That’s like saying: “From a Black perspective, what could the KKK do to bring more minorities on board?”

    The fembots cannot, do not and will not give a rat’s @$$ about the other half of the population (aka males).

    More and more men are waking up to this fact every day, and we are not happy about it.

  15. Jess d'Arbonne

    “If the pendulum of gender equality once swung all the way to one side it’s now perhaps well on its way to the other.”

    People who say that feminism is causing wide-spread oppression of men remind me of the people who believe there’s an actual “War on Christmas.” It’s like a spoiled child who’s been indulged their whole life finally being told “No.” They stomp their feet and throw a temper tantrum and complain that they’re being mistreated.

    • Nice Try Jess

      Courtesy of Google Translate’s new “Feminist->English”:

      > Jess d’Arbonne says:
      > December 9, 2011 at 6:12 pm
      > Man up, shut up, and do as we say. And I want $200 to do my hair.

    • Women are blind to female privilege

      People who say that women are more oppressed than men remind me of the people who believe there’s an actual “War on Christmas.” It’s like a spoiled child who’s been indulged their whole life finally being told “No.” They stomp their feet and throw a temper tantrum and complain that they’re being mistreated.

      • john thames

        Quite correct, sir.Sex discrimination against women is a complete lie and has been from day one. Let me prove it.

        In 1950’s America women work to support men who stay home and raise the children. Women give away the house, the furniture, the car and all their money in men take all divorce court. Women pay massive child support and alimony to automatic custody fathers. Women die by the hunfreds of thousands on the battlefield while “Jimmy the Riveter” makes high wages in the factories back home. Women go down with the Titanic so that men and children can climb on the lifeboats first. Women work hemselves into heart attacks so that men can outlive women by seven years on average and inherit 80% of all the personal wealth in the country. Men have it made.

        In 1963 Betty Friedan publishes her runaway bestseller, “The Male Mystique”. Betty claims to be a househusband but is really a life long Communist and devotee of Joseph Stalin, who glorified Soviet female labor in the factories and gave female comrades “scientific socialist” maternity leave to make babies on the factory’s time. Betty claims that the average male suburban house husband is living in a glorified Auschwitz concentration camp. Men should pursue careers and high paying jobs in addition to men and children first. Women tell men to shove it. With all this discrimination in favor of men women are not about to give men al the jobs too. Men scream thatthey want “equal pay for equal work”. Womenn say that since men do not have to support the opposite sex like women do, give away everything they own in men take all divorce court or pay child support or alimony to automatic custody fathers, like women do. Therefore, women deserve greater pay than men.

        And that is the complete refutation of the nonsense calle “male feminism”.

  16. Luke

    To “bridge the gap”, I suggest these things:
    1) Women who file for divorce without PROVING in court (to pre-1960 standards) pre-1960 grounds for divorce, leave the children and all marital assets behind, and get NO alimony.
    2) Eliminate all affirmative action for women, whether in schools, work, and the justice system.
    3) Get rid of women having the vote.
    4) End welfare for women.

    That would work.


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