Hi Neely,

I’ve started dating again fairly recently and am on a few dating websites – I subscribe to the ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ theory. Anyway, there’s a weird thing that has happened a few times and I just don’t get it.

A guy will contact me, we’ll go through the site’s email or process, then we email outside the site. A few emails will be exchanged, he’ll ask for my number, I give it to him and then…. he poofs. He disappears and I never hear from him again. I understand how hard it is to pick up the phone and call someone. I actually (for the first time) called a guy I met a while back to ask him out and it was nerve wracking! So I get that. But why even ask?

Any thoughts or ideas?

Wondering in the Bay Area

Submit your dating/relationship questions to [email protected]. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.


  • 41 seconds: You can’t get emotionally invested in someone you meet through email on an online dating site. Why? Tune in to hear more.
  • 1:07: What are women (and maybe men too) really good at doing that they shouldn’t do when it comes to online dating.
  • 1:19: How many emails should be exchanged before you meet up for the first time? Remember the goal of online dating is to meet up IN PERSON!
  • 1:54: Why do people do online dating? It’s not always to find a relationship. Remember that.
  • 2:17: Just because someone emails you or asks for your number doesn’t mean he/she will call you. Actions speak louder than words.
  • 2:44: Why does a person who you meet online ask for your number and then vanish? And what to do about it.
  • 3:10: Don’t analyze, get emotionally attached to anyone you’re emailing with, and please don’t take the fact that he/she never called personally.

About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

6 Responses

  1. Lisa Jey Davis

    Very very good advice Neely. Being emotionally invested in ANY emails – even from people we know – is a bad idea. Emotions don’t translate well in emails… But if someone doesn’t call when that’s what’s needed to meet – well – piece of cake – they are off the list. Yep. You said it – NEXT. But also look for clues in people’s emails and their profiles – they generally do show who they really are in some way – “looking to have some fun…” or “just got out of a serious relationship” or whatever… they may not even be looking for a DATE!! They may just want a casual encounter. But yea – let it go and move one! Good advice as usual!

  2. Ms. Cheevious

    I’m going to agree with you here… If he hasn’t replied he either has a an excusable reason (passing in the family) or he doesn’t. Either way – no sense wasting your energy worrying about it. Move on. If there was a good reason, you’ll find out soon enough, and that’s when it’s tricky – disseminating the truth from the lies… but isn’t it all risky when we’re dating? Whether online or not, it takes time to know and trust people! Just go for it and have fun… but onto the next!

  3. According to Jewels

    I had some SCARY experiences with guys who got WAY invested after a couple emails and phone calls. Yelling at me for still being actively checking my emails/site messages. WHAT THE HELL!? Scary! I was SO thankful that those guys never had my address or saw me in person. Who gets THAT attached!? It’s not normal. I know that online dating is a great resource and it’s unlike me to be scared off of something but I just cannot bring myself to do it again. I’m terrified now after my experiences with it.

  4. CupidScreen

    Don’t just wonder whats going on – conduct a CupidScreen and find out the truth! We are private investigators who are experts in online dating based investigations and understand the difference between dating in the real world and dating online. Maybe they are married, maybe they don’t look like their photograph…or maybe it’s really your ex behind the computer.

    Don’t risk heartbreak online by taking chances. CupidScreen can find out the facts for you.

  5. Marrie

    Sound advice, Neely! Analyzing is one thing…. over thinking is another entirely! Catalog the experience and move on! Who knows why people do half the things they do? Seriously, don’t sweat it. Trust is earned over time with accountability and respect…neither of which these fellas had, obviously.


Leave a Reply