“I’m just a guy. I can’t help it!”

“Women need to realize that men are sexual creatures. We need sex more than they do.”

“I lost my virginity to my babysitter when I was 11 and she was 19. It was awesome!”

“Men always want sex. All the time. 24/7.”

How many times has something like this been said to you, or, alternatively how many times have you said something like it yourself? Culturally speaking, we are constantly bombarded with the notion that women need to monitor their clothing and their social behaviors because men as a whole are not in charge of themselves, and not in charge of their sexual urges. Even some of our lawmakers have presented such a concept as a defense for the staggeringly high number of reported rapes in the military.

This is the very origin of victim blaming. But, we are not here to talk about victim blaming today, with one exception which we will come to shortly. The idea that men are incapable of behaving like decent human beings is wholly demeaning, and quite frankly, gentlemen, I’m insulted for you. The idea that you are not capable of making rational decisions during an influx of hormones, and therefore absolved from the consequences of what you do under their influence says that you have no self control. It says that you’re weak.

Another thing that penis of yours is supposedly telling you is that you want it all the time. So, by the rules of formal logic, given this premise, any person who fits into your sexual preference should be able to sexually engage you at any time. Day or night, 24/7/365,  you are totally cool with it, right? You’re never too tired, or too upset, or sick, or too stressed out to squeeze in a little fun between the sheets. Not only that, your penis has been telling you this since you were a little kid. So your babysitter can’t possibly have pressured you into sex because by nature, you already want it! Man, that must be nice… Not only are you too weak to maintain self-control, but no one could ever sexually assault you because you’re a guy and you always want sex. If you don’t there is clearly something wrong with you! Plus, it’s not like you could get an erection if you weren’t into it, right? Erections have nothing to do with physics or anything…

Guess what, gentlemen? I don’t believe any of that for an instant. And for those choice individuals who want to use such apologist tactics to excuse rape… please forgive my double entendre but you aren’t getting off that easily.

Male rape happens on a regular basis, and is drastically under-reported. I myself have had multiple adult men admit to me that they were inappropriately touched by an older female who was supposed to be their caretaker at the time, and for the most part they do not seem to think that there is anything wrong with that. Only after some careful reflection did they take into account that they were far below the age of consent, and were taken advantage of by someone who was supposed to be looking out for their safety. But of course, male rape is not exclusively of the statutory variety, and if you don’t believe me, perhaps these 26 men can convince you otherwise.

Here’s how I see it:  Men don’t always want sex. Men often want sex, and so do women. Generally it has been my experience that we want it more often than we are encouraged to let on, but I won’t let my sex drive speak for all of my fellow womenfolk. Sex drive varies from person to person, and it always will. If you don’t want sex as often as Mike down the street, it doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you human. And if Joe from upstairs wants sex less than you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him either. Maybe he’s got better things to do and can’t be bothered to constantly focus on facilitating reproduction.

Now, as far as your inability to refrain from thrusting your penis into things… come on now. Does your nature tell you to put your penis into things? Yes probably. Does your nature also tell you to occasionally smack your boss across the face? Definitely. Can you refrain from doing that? I certainly hope so. If you can’t you definitely need to get yourself in for some Anger Management courses and weekly therapy. Nature tells us to do a whole lot of things, but that doesn’t mean they are societally justifiable actions. There are millions of men who are capable of controlling themselves in sexually intense situations. And please, don’t think I’m ignoring the fact that a rush of hormones and some type of sexual stimulation does make it harder to think clearly, and does make it harder to keep control of yourself. Of course it does. But the fact remains that good men and women overcome that difficulty for the sake of simple human respect, every day. Ok. Sure. Maybe you refrain from smacking your boss because you like having a job, but I’m saying all it takes is the proper motivation.

Society tells you you’re not above your baser urges, and they dictate your every move. Don’t you think you’re better than that? I certainly do.

About The Author

Melanie Bartlett is a geologist, juggler, poetry enthusiast and roller derby player writing out of Elko, Nevada.

7 Responses

  1. Guy Manley

    Newsflash: there is no such thing as “rape culture”. Check the stats again, if you even looked at them the first time.


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