Stop damaging men's self esteem by succeeding, you selfish, heartless women

A new study suggests that when women succeed, the self esteem of their male romantic partners suffers.

The horror.

According to Professor Kate Ratliff to The Boston Globe, “We found a subtle decline in self esteem in men related to their partner’s success.” This “subconscious shift” could be due to natural male competitiveness, which encourages men to think of their relationships in terms of a competition: the success of their wives must obviously spell their own failure.

According to the results published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men might also feel threatened when their wives advance in their careers or social status because they fear they’ll be “traded in for someone better.”

This is clearly a catastrophic development in the fabric of our national social and economic matrix. Even as we speak, government task forces should be scrambling to dissect the problem and come up with a strategy for rectifying the situation.

Ladies, this is a grave reality. The delicate self esteem of men is highly important and must be protected at all costs. Our very nation was founded on the sense of self-importance men get from providing for their families, earning more than their wives in their chosen professions, and just generally feeling superior to their female counterparts.

How is our civilization to continue when men feel threatened by their overly-successful women? For generations, a delicate balance was kept through the systematic disenfranchisement of women. Now that balance is in jeopardy as women have access to more education and career opportunities than ever. They even—dare I say it?—are approaching equal status with men in all educational, professional, and social pursuits.

Fellow women, I urge you to think carefully before endangering your man’s self esteem by selfishly embracing professional opportunities and excelling in everything you do. Try deliberately screwing up once in awhile, or maybe just don’t try at all.

As Fox News commentator Erick Erickson wisely asserted when it was revealed that women were becoming household breadwinners at an alarming rate: the disappearance of male economic and social dominance signals the end of life as we know it.

The only way to stop this death-spiral of male self esteem is to bolster their fragile egos with female failures. My fellow women, the time has come to set aside our selfish pursuit of success. The men need us. For without our background supporting role in their narrative of success and dominance, civilization will surely be plunged into a dark age of gender equality.

It’s time to take one for the team, ladies. Please: think of the men.