Dear Neely,

I’m interested in a guy who I assume is seeing other girls. But that’s totally my assumption as I have never asked him if he’s seeing other girls and he is a very private person not being on Facebook which most people use to stalk people. I wanted to ask you this question because after seeing his twitter page, I’m assuming he is seeing lots of different women, and I’m sure this is a part of American culture too. I was born and raised in Tokyo. When it comes to Japanese culture, if a guy is seeing more than one girl, the guy is considered a douchebag because a date itself is something that a girl and a guy would do after being in a relationship. Before that, they would hang out with a group of people or text. So I don’t get this seeing/dating/relationship stuff in this country, so to speak, and as I find some interest in the guy, this confusion makes me nuts. Please feel free to give me some advice that you think I’d need.

Frustrated Japanese Woman, New York

Neely is Boston’s Premier Dating Coach. Check out her coaching packages on her site:


  • 30 seconds: Even though you are new to this culture, there are PLENTY of U.S. American women (and men) who experience angst over this question. You are not alone!
  • 1:01: In the U.S., it’s not uncommon at all to date more than one person at a time. As a dating coach, I recommend that you date around and not limit yourself to dating just one person at a time. Tune in to hear why.
  • 1:45: What should you look for in a man while you’re dating around to determine if you want to stop dating others and see him an only him? Tune in. BUT don’t stop dating other people before he demonstrates these qualities and you have a conversation about your status.
  • 2:00: Why do women especially have a hard time dating more than one man at a time, and why they should get over it.
  • 2:39: Regarding your second question about a woman pursuing a man, tune in to MP4 Love #20.

About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

3 Responses

  1. Single Dating Diva

    Great post and insights!! I personally date more than one person at a time when I’m casually dating. Although, recently, I’m finding it hard to keep up. As long it’s out in the open and there is honesty, there’s nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

  2. Lisa Jey Davis

    Neely – great observation that she is perplexed with things American women have always been perplexed with! And so true… don’t put all your eggs in one basket, until that basket proves his worth! LOL


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