Question: I have been dating a guy for 4 months that I met online. I recently asked him if he was still fishing online or possibly seeing others to keep his options open or if he just wanted to focus on me, so I knew exactly where we stood with each other. He said he was good with just seeing me. But I found out he is still very much active on the dating site we met on. I never renewed my membership once it expired and told him that but my girlfriend told me that she had seen his profile. Should I give him time to take it down or really take his words as trash. We see each other often, at least 2 times a week considering our schedules, and talk and text every day. Just don’t know if he is full of it or what to think. I was going to bring up the website again but don’t want to keep talking about it.
Anonymous
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Takeaways
- 36 seconds: Tune in to find out what a good rule of thumb is before deciding to take down your profile and/or to have the definining the relationship conversation (aka the DTR)
- 1:18: What do women do far too often with online dating that they shouldn’t?
- 1:58: How is this reader’s situation different?
- 2:20: Give a person the benefit of the doubt the first time around, but be wary if it happens again. Like George W. Bush once brilliantly said: “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” —
- 2:40: How to confront the person you’re seeing about their profile still being active after you’ve had a DTR.
- 3:06: A good man will respect that you’re looking for honest answers.
- 3:20: What to do if he doesn’t take his profile down but still wants to see you.
- 3:34: One of the most important things to remember about dating. Tune in!
Great advice! Sometimes shady behavior is just that – shady behavior, but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy … I also very much agree that actions really do speak louder than words, we just don’t want to admit the truth to ourselves.
This is why I think online dating is actually more difficult than finding someone offline. When you’re dating online, people think they can have everybody and anybody they want.
I personally think the gal should cut him loose if she’s looking for an exclusive relationship. He’s definitely dating other women (or trying to at least) on the side.
Great vlog Neely!
This is one of those snags that come up when online dating, because we’re meeting and forming relationships with total strangers, rather than friends of friends or co-workers or activity partners. I completely agree that a good man will respect that you’re looking for honest answers. Well said, Neely!
I think this particular gal should proceed with caution – it seems like he’s not coming all the way clean with her.
This is one of those snags that come up when online dating, because we’re meeting and forming relationships with total strangers, rather than friends of friends or co-workers or activity partners. I completely agree that a good man will respect that you’re looking for honest answers. Well said, Neely!
I think this particular gal should proceed with caution – it seems like he’s not coming all the way clean with her.
Super advice as always!
I’m so with you about not removing your online profile too early into a new relationship.
Never limit yourself, and potential dating options.
And absolutely as you state “actions speak louder than words”.
The fact that he has already lied to her — trust is the foundation to any healthy relationship, strike one. Yikes that’s a red flag, feels sounds like shady behavior to me.
I’m in agreement with Seven Dates a Week, “proceed with caution”.
Agree Neely! There has to be a progression and some momentum in the dating / relationship thing… And really – it’s a jealousy or insecure thing for anyone to want to “know” or “be secure” in this way… it’s not a secure thing. The true strengths come when you can live and let live… If he does not remove his profile and you think he should – TELL HIM. If he won’t – the true TEST of strength is to drop him like a hot potato. Adults who have the same goals and hopes for the situation will want to work together to make it work. PERIOD.
She lost me at “he lied”. Done. Gone. End of story. Too many red flags, not worth her time…
If you want a relationship with the guy then communication is key. You definitely bring it up. I would be gone the second I realized that not only had he renewed but showed as being actively signed in recently. That to me is dishonest and doesn’t show that he is invested in the relationship. Great advice, as always.
Agree with the advice about not removing your online profile too quickly, but there does come a point when you need to say stop and focus on just one person. If you’re not willing to do so for a person you’ve been seeing for a few months, then that should tell you something — or tell them something — and all should move on!