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Hi Neely,

I just saw your video “Mp4 Love #15- He said/she said: How to gain confidence with women.” It is very informative and helpful, and I enjoyed watching it!

I have a quick question for you, if you can help me answer it that will be great. My problem now is not so much about approaching women. I can approach, banter, and build rapport with pretty much any woman I see. BUT when I start building rapport and sitting down with her in comfort, I do not know how to properly escalate sexually. I usually touch them lightly on the elbow and shoulder (but that’s about it), and talk about comfort stories (childhood, future goals, etc). It just seems that attraction wears down after a while when I don’t sexually escalate. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me? Should I be more dominant and use more sexual touching? Or maybe develop erotic talks? I’m a little lost here. Any feedback would be appreciated! Thank you for your time.


Submit your dating/relationship questions to [email protected]. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.


  • 15 seconds: It’s important to think about your love life and what you want, but in this situation you are overthinking things!
  • 1:16: When you think too much in these situations, you come off as rehearsed and awkward.
  • 1:38: You don’t want to end up in the friend zone, though, so there a few simple things to consider. Tune in to find out more!
  • 1:40: How can you use touch to your advantage in this type of situation? Tune in.
  • 2:20: An easy NLP technique that builds rapport. Find out what it is!
  • 3:04: Work on eliminating the belief that you’re just a friend zone kind of guy. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy unless you end the belief.
  • 3:35: How to observe a woman’s body language and know how to proceed to build sexual energy.
  • 4:05: Don’t second guess yourself.
  • 4:18: Practice, practice, practice!

About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

5 Responses

  1. J Allen Matchmaking

    It will all come naturally if you don’t over think. Worst-case scenario you get turned down, but you have nothing to lose by taking the next step!!

  2. According to Jewels

    Fantastic advice. There is nothing sexier than a man who doesn’t question whether or not he can touch me. If I’m sending body language signals or have taken the initiative to laugh and touch your arm first then please feel free to reciprocate. I don’t want to be man handled but the small of my back, my arm, even my neck as he moves my hair is all welcome and assures that there is no mistaking which “zone” you want to be in.

  3. Marrie

    “Our fate is what you make” is one of the best lines EVER in a movie! I love that you used that! As for your advice, it’s dead-on! Body language is often under utilized and such a powerful and subtle way to discover if you’re both on the same page. Great advice for women, also. I often ended up as ‘one of the guys’ and in the friend zone because the men didn’t know if I was into them.

  4. jasbina

    Lots of great tips in this video–from mindset shifts re limiting beliefs to specific and concrete pointers re body-language–thanks!


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