This week’s videos are based on a comment we received in last week’s MP4 Love #14.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to [email protected]. And don’t forget to check out my website:

Tune in to the male perspective below – this week featuring J.T. Tran, Master Pick-up Artist at ABCs of Attraction. But first:


1:15: Learn about techniques from J.T. Tran and other dating coaches/PUAs and practice as much as you can – it’s a form of exposure therapy.

2:35: Tune in here for new ways of thinking about yourself and self-confidence.

2:40: Confidence is a belief you have about yourself – tune in for more on this.

3:10: When events happen, we form meanings about them and ourselves, and from these meanings we create beliefs about ourselves, which become self-fulfilling prophecies. Tune in for more on this and my example.

3:59: A possible truth isn’t necessarily THE truth.

4:11: Events don’t have meanings other than the ones YOU attach to them.

About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

14 Responses

  1. Satirev

    It was kind of you to address my question. I’ll be honest that my comment on acquiring confidence was actually a bit sarcastic. I’ve already tried all the mentioned advice and then some. Most short men have. It’s actually a bit of a joke ,or pet peeve if you will, amongst short men when they hear the advice about confidence. In the minds of most all women a short man with confidence has short mans disease or a Napoleon complex.!/antiheightism

    That’s not my twitter account I posted, but it’s a good example of what a short male has to overcome. If all those comments were about long haired brunettes do you think you could still be confident? You would just change your hair I suppose. But what if you couldn’t? And you have to remember that you couldn’t just blow it off as “a truth” and simply move and to the next one who will give you a chance, restoring all your confidence. Because the next one will say the same thing:

    “I only date taller guys. It’s nothing personal, it’s just my personal preference….”

    …and the next one, and the next one. and the next one. How many years do you think you could go without it affecting your mental well being?

    There is no advice from anyone that is going to help short men be more confident or increase there dating chances. It isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just the way it is. Eventually all the advice (especially the self fulfilling prophecy argument) comes across as somewhat patronizing. Actions speak louder than words. Could you say with 100% complete honesty that would you date a guy who is shorter than you as long as he was confident?

    I’m not trying to be a smart a$$. I’m not trying to be a troll, stick it to you, whine for sympathy, etc. After you live for many, many years with nothing but rejection and negative treatment that society accepts as rightfully true, the last hope you cling to is for someone to at least try and understand.

      • Neely Steinberg

        Not at all. I’ve been away for several days but have been meaning to address your response.

        The shortest guy I dated was in college. He was 5’5″ — with sneakers. We dated for more than a year. In high school, he was part of the popular crowd. The females loved him (quite literally). He was an incredible athlete, well-built, and had a ton of confidence. What he lacked in height he more than made up for in charm and wit. He never apologized for his height – it was never an impediment in his life. Granted, most of the women he dated were 5’4″ and under (though some were taller), but the average height for women is around that, anyway, so if you’re about that height there are plenty of women shorter than you to date. Sure, many of them may want taller dudes, but many don’t care — that is, if you have other qualities that are attractive.

        Also, women care less about height as we get older, when we start to realize that height isn’t a necessary ingedient for a happy marriage. I know plenty of short men under 5’7″ who have found women.

        So let me ask you: What does it gain you or other short men to complain about being short? Should short men just give up altogether in the dating world? I’m not trying to be condescending. While being a short man can definitely make your dating life tougher, the only thing that can make it even tougher is your mindset. A short guy with no confidence – shit out of luck. A short guy with charm, confidence, and a positive outlook – chances are much better he’ll attract someone. Obviously all easier said than done but the alternative to trying is giving up, and I can’t accept that (unless you are fine with being single for life). I understand that you’ve been rejected countless times. I, too, have been rejected many times in the dating world. It sucks. It’s painful; sometimes I wanted to give up entirely, but I never did. Perhaps my choices and options haven’t been as limited as yours, but I know what rejection and frustration feels like.

        I do believe there’s someone out there for you. All I can say is that a short guy with charm and confidence and an ability to laugh at himself is more attractive than a bitter short guy who is pissed at the world.

      • Satirev

        I was merely commenting on why my other comment wasn’t posted. I don’t care if anyone sees it or not, but who ever moderates must have cared. It didn’t contain any profanity. Was it the links to the articles? They were there to show anyone who cares to educate themselves that the issues of being short are not just the silly complaints of a “whiner”. If you were actually willing to date someone who is 5’5″, the same height as myself, then good for you. But the links also showed in an objective manner that the anecdotal evidence of yourself and the few short guys you know having luck is in fact, luck. They were lucky to find someone like yourself that does not consider height as the ultimate deal breaker. This is a very small percentage of women. And I’ll state again that when you say it has to do with the subjective concepts of confidence and attitude you make it acceptable to justify and believe the negative stereotypes associated with short men. If we were to say the exact same things about a black man then it would sound like this:

        “While being a black man can definitely make your dating life tougher, the only thing that can make it even tougher is your mindset. A black guy with no confidence – shit out of luck. A black guy with charm, confidence, and a positive outlook – chances are much better he’ll attract someone.”

        The same exact statements suddenly sound racist when simply substituting one genetic trait for the other. Even better to get the point across, substitute the genetic trait of gender and the physical trait of obesity in place of height and it becomes:

        “While being a fat woman can definitely make your dating life tougher, the only thing that can make it even tougher is your mindset. A fat woman with no confidence – shit out of luck. A fat woman with charm, confidence, and a positive outlook – chances are much better she’ll attract someone.”

        Do you really believe this last one? And if you do please post this exact statement on your website some time in the future and see the reactions you get.

        Or would you believe the advice of someone who promises to teach fat women how to land more dates for the low, low price of $1300? If you believe the amount and degree of rejection you have experienced even comes close to that of most short men you have to ask yourself why Mr. Tran can make a living charging that amount of money but no one could do the same charging women for the same promise. Why would a women laugh hysterically at such a claim posed to her?

        Yeah, I know. This will never be posted either. That’s fine. It’s much easier to throw your hands up with the explanation that it’s all “whining”. That way you simply don’t have to think about it. I guess that’s why the other comment wasn’t posted. Because the links were invisible. It’s just all in my head……

  2. J Allen Matchmaking

    Confidence comes from within. If one is paranoid about what other thinks, confidence doesn’t exist. Learn to accept yourself, don’t worry about being judged, and you’ll become more confident.

  3. Ms. Cheevious

    YES! I love that you are addressing HOW to get confidence. So many just talk about the fact it exists. Guys need practice… just as much as girls. 🙂 Thanks!

  4. Lisa Jey Davis

    Awesome idea to do the he said / she said! It’s great to hear what you both have to say. Everyone has to work on confidence – so this can be applied to almost anything..Thanks!

  5. jasbina

    How empowering when we really internalize that we are the ones who assign meanings to events:-). Enjoyed the video!

  6. Marrie

    I totally agree with Ms. Cheevious! People discuss having confidence, the importance of confidence, and how to show you’re confident BUT too few really discuss how to build confidence within yourself! Inspiring post, Neely!

  7. simone

    it’s true what they say – “you won’t find love until you love yourself” and the first step to loving yourself is having confidence in yourself and believing in your abilities


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