Q: I’m a 26-year-old nice guy who really wants a girlfriend. Trouble is I feel as though women today don’t want nice guys. I see some of my guy friends treat women like crap and the women keep coming back to them. Unbelievable. Do I have to become a jerk to meet someone? Seems rather depressing.

Sincerely,
Nice guy reconsidering, Boston

Takeaway points:

  • 34 seconds – Stay true to who you are! You don’t want someone falling for someone you’re not.
  • 44 seconds – Definition of nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful, not a pushover.
  • 57 seconds – Most women don’t respect a man who they can take advantage of
  • 1:10 – SECRET most guys don’t know about nice guys: Tune in to find out what it is.
  • 2:22 – Nice guys can find a balance. You can still be nice, but take charge a little bit when out there dating, so the woman isn’t always calling the shots.
  • 2:40 – Observe other men who strike that balance between being nice and remaining desirable to women. Those are the men you want to emulate.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to [email protected].

About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

2 Responses

  1. Brian

    Great definition on “nice guy”. I’d like to add one for “jerk” as well, since it’s also inaccurate in this context. Jerk is a guy who 1) takes control of his surroundings, 2) challenges women and their values in an engaging way, and 3) keeps himself open to other options.

    What “jerk” is NOT: a guy who is insensitive, rude and disrespectful. It’s important that men learn to distinguish between a harmless, fun tease versus an insult. Many guys misunderstand what a “jerk” entails because a lot of times the ones who have the 3 qualities above are also douchebags. Also, there are many young, less mature women who would put up with this.

    Like Neely said, the 1st step is not being overbearing. I think the next part is learning to be engaging, because despite all the myths that comes with “true love”, a relationship need to be maintained, and as the leader and the man, the responsibility of leading that effort should fall on the guy (which can be tough). Learning how to be playful and tease goes a LONG way.

    As you can see, you can be a “nice guy” and a “jerk”. Those are the guys that have successful and meaningful long term relationships.

    I suggest reading “The Game” by Neil Strauss, the pickup artist. The point here though, is not to learn some canned routines and try to sleep with girls at the clubs. What’s important is the philosophy and the principles in attraction science between a man and a woman. Those will provide you framework to successfully meet more women, and find the special one. Good luck!

    Reply

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