Hi Neely,

Two weeks ago, I almost broke up with a guy I have been dating for a few months. We decided to cool it a little and see other people. We had our 2nd “first date” recently, but soon afterward I learned that he and his friends are taking a bunch of girls to Killington for New Years Eve (which is also my 28th birthday). When I got upset that he didn’t invite me, he asked me if I wanted to come spend some time with his family so that I’m not in Philly alone (he said that New Years Eve is too much pressure especially since we talked about cooling things off a bit. Mind f**k anyone?). He said that his parents wouldn’t care that we aren’t really together because they will see me as his friend and a nice person. He’s told me he thinks I’m great and loves spending time with me but that he also has to figure stuff out. He’s told me he’s trying to be very up front and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. He says he wants to date me but doesn’t want a relationship and emotional involvement right now. The other thing is that my friend had randomly invited me to Killington for New Years, but I’m not sure I want to go because if we run into each other (very likely) he’ll think I’m stalking him. I have a few questions: Should I go home with him for Xmas? i was thinking I’d either go and be super pleasant (plus, i won’t have to spend it alone in my apartment), that way he’ll feel extra bad about New years or tell him I’m going and don’t get on the train so he’s sitting there waiting for me. Also, what do you think about me going to Killington for New Years? Lastly, do you think there’s a chance for us? I like him a lot and don’t think I can handle being just friends.

Thanks for your advice!
Confused, Philadelphia, PA

Takeaway points

  • 1:20 – Listen to what a man is saying. Is he telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but you’re choosing not hear him? You won’t change his mind no matter what you do.
  • 3:17 – A man may like you and like spending time with you but not want to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn’t give you what you want and need, walk away, because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
  • 3:48 – Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It’s okay to feel lonely.
  • 4:20 – Men are in go-mode when they want to be in a relationship. They don’t give a woman scraps. They only give scraps to a woman who will let them get away with that.
  • 4:45 – You can’t control how another person is going to feel.
  • 5:56 – Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
  • 6:10 – The sooner you stop pouring energy into someone who isn’t meeting your needs, the sooner you can devote your energy to finding someone great and who wants to be with you.
  • 6:54 – When you have a real physical and emotional involvement with someone, it can be difficult to give other people a chance.

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About The Author

Neely Steinberg is a Blast correspondent. Follow her on Twitter @NeelySteinberg She answers your dating/relationship questions in her Blast video advice column MP4 Love.

4 Responses

  1. Sue

    Spot on Neely, Thank you. I’ve definitely been put in similar situations when I was younger and all they did were waste my time, energy, and emotions on wrong guys. And I’d always be strung out and devastated when each one was over, which really affected my ability to meet a much better guy. I especially love your point about men being in go-mode and not settling for scraps, as it really emphasizes the worth a woman places on herself.


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