I just got a Facebook invite to a St. Patty’s Day party, and I had to check two different calendars to make sure it wasn’t a mistake. Oh hello St. Patty’s Day, when did you sneak up on me?

Granted, it’s been a cyclone of a semester, but I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that it’s almost the middle of March. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a delightful fact. Warmer weather? Yes, please. In copious amounts if possible. I mean, no — I love dirty gross snow all the way into April — and sopping wet socks as they squish around in my UGGs — and accidentally ending all my phone calls because my bulky gloves make me push two buttons at once — that’s totally why I go to grad school in the Northeast

… yeah.

But seriously, I love this holiday. Irish boys, Irish beer, and an excuse to drink on a weekday…yes, waitress, you can place that glorious order right here.

So how to save money on a holiday in which your sole purpose is to drink as much as you can without needing to be taken to the hospital and paying for an expensive ambulance ride? Damned if I know.

Well, you could always find a party. Parties have kegs and the price to get into the party (possibly just bringing a back-up supply) is likely less than what you’d rack up at a bar. But you also don’t get variety with a keg. Oh whatever, if you want variety, go buy a bag of Skittles. You can pop a couple when you need to get the taste of keg beer out of your mouth.

It’s a holiday so you’re going to need to dress up for the occasion, which for this day means wearing green (possibly the most unnecessary sentence I’ve ever written?). It’s just too bad none of the Boston sports teams use green as one of their colors. Right. So yeah, borrow a Celtics shirt and you’re set. Besides, it’s really the green plastic necklaces and sparkly green hat that make the outfit. How can anyone have a bad time in a sparkly green hat? Um, they can’t.

All right, time to decorate your apartment to help get you in the spirit of the day. No problem there, just haul out that box of decorations you stowed away from last year. What? You’re telling me you didn’t save anything? Oh I’m sooooo surprised. Go run out and buy some (cheap) stuff and green-up the place. Just save everything this time. We’ll call it an investment and leave it at that.

It’s always nice to kick off the festivities with a little Bailey’s in the morning coffee. But that stuff isn’t exactly the price of Banker’s Club gin, ya know? So go halvies (or quartersies) with your roomies. You’re just looking to start off the day, that’s all. Don’t want to jump into the heavy stuff too early. I mean, remember last year? Hah, no, I guess you don’t. The pictures are classic though…

But maybe leave the camera at home this year? It’s nice to document these things, but if you’re going to be out in the city, the chances that you make it back to your spot with your camera- and in working condition- eh, I give it an “unlikely.” So don’t bother with it. Besides, it frees up a hand for double fisting.

Hah, I like that last one.

Happy St. Patty’s Day, Boston!

About The Author

Lindsay Milgroom is a Blast columnist

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