Perry’s Week 3 picks

I’m not going to do the fantasy studs, sleepers, and duds this week, because that’s all a crapshoot.

Atlanta Falcons (-5.5) over Kansas City

Speaking of crap, you know when you’re at your favorite sports bar that has all the NFL games on, but they only have seven TVs, so one of the games isn’t on? This is that game. This is that game even if you live in Atlanta or Kansas City, seriously. It’s Week 3 and KC has already gone through four quarterbacks. One of them being wide receiver Marquez Hagans who played quarterback in college for Virginia. Third-string quarterback Tyler Thigpen will get the start this week, but Damon Huard might see some time when if Thigpen struggles. Honestly though, how can you put money on quarterbacks named Tyler or Damon? Sounds more like the beginning of a boy band. I’d rather put my money on a quarterback named Matt or Ryan…or a Matt Ryan, per se. I’m taking the Falcons to cover.

Oakland Raiders (+9.5) over Buffalo Bills

Let down game for the Bills + let down game for the Raiders = ugly game during Week 3 in Buffalo. Raiders running backs Darren McFadden and Justin Fargas haven’t practiced all week, but should play. And you know Raiders’ fans are praying that they stay healthy all year, because when in the pocket Jamarcus Russell looks like Jessica Simpson in a library. His 6-for-17 for 55 yards last Sunday (against KC) has to have the Oakland fan base a little worried about the season. That and Al Davis still owning the team. I do like Buffalo this year, but they are coming off a great fourth-quarter victory in Jacksonville, so I expect a little bit of a let down. 9.5 is a tough line to cover, so I’ll take Oakland and the points.

Tennessee Titans (-5) over Houston Texans

The Houston Texans should be well rested this week to take a beating from Kerry Collins and the Tennessee Titans. Tennessee’s front seven have been completely dominating NFL teams this year. All of two of them. Ahman Green is doubtful for the game, so rookie Steve Slaton should see a majority of the carries for the Texans. So, when he gets shut down that means Matt Schaub will have to throw the ball and his offensive line stinks, so Tennessee is gonna crush him and cover the 5 points. I really like Alge Crumpler and Bo Scaife to put up some nice numbers for the Titans. Furthermore, they have really weird names.

Cincinnati (+13.5) over New York Giants

I think the Giants are going to look past the Bengals this week and start focusing on ‘bye’ Week 4. Carson Palmer and the wide receivers have played like trash this year. Absolute trash. If they want to make any kind of statement this year there is nobody better to do it against than the Super Bowl champs. I have a strange feeling that the Bengals offense will start clicking at some point in this game and just enough to cover 13.5 points. It’s possible the Giants could be up 20 in the fourth quarter and Chad Ocho Cinco catches a 50-yard bomb from Palmer to cut the lead to 13 as the clock expires. That’s followed by Chad Ocho Cinco ripping off his jersey to reveal a recent tattoo he got of himself on his right pectoral. That’s followed by a river dance. That’s followed by an angry spike of the ball. And don’t forget Chris Henry comes back soon.

Arizona Cardinals (+3) over Washington Redskins

Yep, I like the Cardinals starting the season 3-0. Why not? Kurt Warner to Anquan Boldin. Kurt Warner to Larry Fitzgerald. Their passing game is becoming a little dangerous and with the Seattle Seahawks tanking the Cardinals have to be thinking about a division title. This could be a very high-scoring game (maybe take the over?) with the team who has the ball last being the team that wins the game. Jason Campbell started getting into a groove last week and Chris Cooley was featured more in the offense. Speaking of Chris Cooley, did you hear that he exposed his penis on the internet? Yeah, he took a picture of his playbook on his lap while he was naked and then posted that picture on his blog. I’m serious, google it. I have a betting rule about this. When a team that is favored by three points at home has a player that exposes his penis on the internet, take the visiting team and the points.

New England Patriots (-12.5) over Miami Dolphins

The Miami Dolphins stink. That’s really all you need to know, so I’ll take this time to go off on a tangent. Is Laurence Maroney one of the most frustrating fantasy players? Everyone views him as the starting running back for New England (which he is I guess), so when he drops to someone in the third or fourth round they take him thinking it’s a good pick, but it’s not. Maroney isn’t even a good eighth round pick. If he’s in your starting lineup, you have a really bad fantasy team. Sammy Morris will get all the goal-line touchdowns and Lamont Jordan will split the rest of the carries. Laurence Maroney could be a great running back if he was featured more and touched the ball 20+ times, but maybe he’s not good enough to touch the ball that much? I don’t know. I’m just glad I don’t have him on my team. With that said, Maroney will probably post monster numbers this week. New England definitely covers the 12.5 points. Look for Tom Brady to have a huge game.

Chicago Bears (-3) over Tampa Bay Bucanneers

If you really love offense. If you really love quarterback play. If you really love wide receiver action. If you really love aerial assaults, then don’t watch this game. Matt Forte and Earnest Graham will probably touch the ball 50 times each in this ground’em and pound’em game. Kyle Orton and Brian Griese only need to not make mistakes. That’s their only job. Both of these teams rely on their defense and running game. Matt Forte is turning into that ‘I should have drafted him three rounds earlier than when he was taken but I really had no clue he was that good’ fantasy player of the year. Not to the extent of Adrian Peterson was last year, but it looks like Chicago found themselves a great running back in the second round (pick 44) of last year’s NFL draft. I like Chicago’s D to stop the run and pressure Griese all game long. They will cover three points.

Minnesota Vikings (-3.5) over Carolina Panthers

This was the toughest game to pick. I wouldn’t bet this game if I was a betting man, but for the sake of this post I will take the Vikings to cover 3.5 points, but I don’t like it. I really like the Carolina Panthers and I really dislike the Minnesota Vikings (in a how good do I think they are kinda way). In a game that I have no clue who to take, the team that I dislike usually wins. The news this week was that quarterback Tarvaris Jackson was benched and Gus Frerotte will take the helm. This clearly was a move forced by management in order to open up the play book and start winning games after the Vikings started the season 0-2. Brad Childress wouldn’t have moved up in the second round of the 2006 NFL draft to select Jackson only to bench him for the 2008 season if he didn’t feel the pressure from above (management, not God). However, Minnesota definitely has a better chance at winning with Frerotte taking the snaps if he can stay away from head-butting concrete walls.

Last week 5-2 (season 5-2)

I USED CURRENT ODDS THAT ARE BEING PLAYED AT CAESARS PALACE IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA.