Micah’s Week 3 picks

Here are my picks for Week 3 in the NFL. If you don’t take out every ounce of equity that you have in every single property you own to bet based on my picks, you are dumb.

Carolina (+3) at Minnesota:

I think I’m going with Carolina here. Yes, Gus Frerotte makes the offense better than it was with Tarvaris Jackson, but he’s hardly Joe Montana in 1988. Carolina has looked good so far without Steve Smith, and now they get him back. He’s arguably a top-three NFL receiver when Delhomme is healthy. All Day’s injury makes me like Carolina even more. The pick: Carolina.

St. Louis (+9) at Seattle:

Hmmmm….this is tough. Yes, the penis in the Rams’ mouth is bigger than the penis in the Seahawks’ mouth, but the bottom line is that these are two bad teams. Nine points is a lot to cover when you stink. Seattle’s WR’s are garbage, but they did add Koren Robinson and Keary Colbert this week. Hey, it could be worse. Despite the Seahawks being bad right now, the Rams are just so much worse. I think Seattle can cover this. The pick: Seattle.

Detroit (+4.5) at San Francisco:

Wow, these are hard, huh? Detroit likes to choke on hamster balls, but so does San Fran. I think I like Detroit here because of Megatron. Plus, Roy Williams was complaining this week and I like when people complain. Most likely, Isaac Bruce and Co. will be running free all over that horrific Detroit secondary the Niners will win by 30. But despite facts, I’m going to go with Megatron. The pick: Detroit.

New Orleans (+5.5) at Denver:

I can’t stand Jay Cutler and it has nothing with his ability to play football. He looks like an absolute dufus. He starts every play call and every snap count with “duhh..” That said, he’s actually pretty good at football these days. I love Brandon Marshall (mostly for his off-field behavior) and rookie Eddie Royal against this lousy secondary. The pick: Denver.

Pittsburgh (+3.5) at Philadelphia:

Philly has looked strong through two weeks, but Pittsburgh is usually a problem for them. In 2004, Pittsburgh was the only team that handled the Eagles in the regular season. If they didn’t rest their starters in the final two weeks, they probably go 15-1. And that 1, was a nasty loss in Pittsburgh. The Steelers’ version of the 3-4 defense is usually the biggest issue for the Birds. Big Ben has a bum shoulder, but the Steelers would rather run anyway. They haven’t won in Philly in forever, but so what. The pick: Pittsburgh.

Jacksonville (+5) at Indianapolis:

The Jags look awful through two weeks. They have lost their starting guards for the season and center Brad Meester has been out. This means they can’t run the way they want to. But, good news! Indy safety Bob Sanders is out up to six weeks. Not many players in the league impact their teams the way Sanders does. When he’s healthy (rare), Indy has a nice defense. When he’s hurt, they don’t. Jacksonville should finally be able to run a bit this week. The pick: Jacksonville.

Cleveland (+2) at Baltimore:

Cleveland looks like elephant ass so far this year, with the defense (secondary especially) playing the role of the puckered center. Baltimore stinks too, but we only have the week 1 game against the Bengals to judge them. The Ravens D isn’t what it was, but it will be good enough to cause Derek and the Dropsies problems. I just nicknamed the Cleveland offense. I don’t love rookie QB Joe Flacco in this matchup, but I don’t love the Browns either. I think it’s about time that Cleveland wins a game, but they won’t. The pick: Baltimore.

Dallas (-3) at Green Bay:

I think Dallas has enough gas to win this one despite the big Monday night showdown with the Eagles. I think Dallas wins this one by 10 or more. I just can’t see them losing this one. The pick: Dallas.

New York (+9) at San Diego:

The Chargers deserve a win and they’ll get one this week. Will they cover the spread? That’s a different question. I just can’t get in love with this Jets team. They still make stupid-assed play calls and continue to run a boring offense despite having one of the best loose cannons in NFL history. I mean that as a compliment, Brett. Sort of. I think San Diego comes out looking to hurt the Jets badly. They’ll get it done. The pick: San Diego.

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE USED CURRENT ODDS FROM CAESAR’S.