“The other side of the Twilight debate” resulted in over 1,500 comments, more than any other Blast Magazine story, ever.

So, author Kellen Rice continued the debate with another article. Here’s a bit:

I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but don’t yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:

1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to ‘spice up’ your writing so that it sounds just like Meyer’s, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, you’re doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like “Never use a long word where a short one will do” and “If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out”, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, it’s probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.

* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include “chagrin”, “murmured”, and “chuckled”.

Read it all at the Blast PSA Blog

About The Author

John Guilfoil is the editor-in-chief of Blast: Boston's Online Magazine and the Blast Magazine Network. He can be reached at [email protected]. Tweet @johnguilfoil.

5 Responses

  1. Rebecca

    I respect your opinion, but I don’t think it is necessary to attack Stephenie Meyer’s writing style just because it isn’t the way you think it should be written. Some people don’t like the way she writes while others love it and all their opinions matter, but I feel you could have expressed your distaste in a more diplomatic and less rude way. I understand you are trying to make a statement, but you could have done it better.

  2. Cathy

    “You are utterly absurd, Bella,” Edward chuckled, his eyes sparkling with barely contained chagrin.
    “Oh, Edward,” I murmured, gazing with adoration, his topaz eyes searing my very soul.

    Did I do it right?! =)

    Oh, Ms. Rice, you brilliant woman!

    • Ink

      What the hell – if these kind of lines appear in the novel it really sounds trashy. Oh yeah Bella is a fuck-bitch who is probably the lamest heroine ever! You want a strong heroine Kirsten Dunst in “Interview With A Vampire” can kick Bella’s ass to Kingdom Come.

  3. Jana

    i loved kellen rice’s “twilight sucks…” as well as “twilight: a follow up…” intelligent, spot on an funny. all of it.

    there is everything wrong with those books – the intellectual in my brain says. yet, i read them all cover to cover, the same way i gratefully devour people magazine, us and any other trashy magazine in my dentist’s waiting room or while waiting in line in a supermarket.

    there is everything wrong with those books – if we consider them literature.
    but they are no literature – they are a piece of crap. a consumer product. a very successful one.

    this is a consumer society we live in. kids in this society grow up eating crap food and drinking crap sodas. they grow up watching crap on television and dvd’s, listening to crap on most radio stations and their own ipods. it’s very sad. but what can you do? move in with the denali coven?

    there are days when i just do go to mcdonals. and i even drink coke. i’ve decided not to worry and feel about it anymore.



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