George Lucas just needs to stop.

With “Star Wars: The Clone Wars,” Lucas has set a new low for milking a series until it’s worthless. While the recent episodes one through three of the Star Wars saga were not the greatest pieces of film literature (Lucas even admitted in interviews that he rushed episodes one and two so he could work on three), they were still fun and profitable. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” was mediocre but charming, and made the money that its inevitable sequel probably won’t, but it was still Harrison Ford and therefore fun. “Clone Wars” has no such saving grace.

Sure it was a film marketing towards kids, but movies such as “WALL-E” have taught us that kids movies can be for adults too. “Clone Wars” dialogue consisted of bad one-liners and nicknames such as “Skyguy” for Anakin Skywalker and “Are-twoey” for R2-D2. Plus there was the five-minute-long plot and Jabba the Hutt’s flamboyantly feminine uncle Zero (somehow Jabba managed to have a son and an uncle when Hutts are asexual in the Star Wars universe, but we won’t get into that).

Watching the action sequences felt like watching the CGI sequences of a (yes, Star Wars) video game, and not in a good way. Perhaps “Clone Wars” had once been intended to be a video game itself, but once Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Lee signed on to do their respective voices, Lucas had decided to just steal the video game footage and offer it to a wider, higher paying audience. Fortunately with games like “Star Wars: Force Unleashed” coming out, we have something to look forward to that hasn’t been done over three times.

As for fitting into the Star Wars universe, where did Anakin’s newfound “Clone Wars” apprentice Ahsoka between when “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” ended and “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” began? Maybe we’ll get a comic book strip or some webisodes drawing on a dead plot line for another 10 years.

The original “Star Wars” came out in 1977. The original “Indiana Jones” came out 1981. It’s been about three decades, Lucas. Go make something new.

The only reason “Clone Wars” gets half a star is because it’s Star Wars, not because it’s quality.

About The Author

Terri Schwartz was a Blast Contributing Editor from 2008-2009.

4 Responses

  1. manuel

    This review is why I LOVE Blast.
    Truth, brutual truth.

    You have saved me 10.00, or more like 25.00, since i’d prolly get a drink and some popcorn…oh and some milkduds. mmmm, milk duds.

  2. Kellen Rice

    Frankly, after “Attack of the Clones” I was ready for it to stop. Of course I saw “Revenge of the Sith” in theaters and the last 40 minutes DID make the shit-fest that was the rest of the prequels almost worth it.

    But that’s it.

    As soon as I heard about this project I had a feeling it was going to end up like that.

    Good review. If only Lucas cared about the integrity of the franchise.


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