Comments on: A Twilight review from an anti-Twilighter

By: Isabel

Isabel — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 06:05:17 +0000

You know, the first person that commented was right, I can’t stand it when someone says, ‘I don’t have to watch Twilight to know that it SUCKS!’ when they go watch it the next day and like it. I completely agree with you Ms Rice, the lines are the way they are acted out made me embarrassed to be in the same room as the person I’m watching it with.
Now, something that I never managed to get over in the movie was when Carlisle told Edward and Bella to go and Edward tries to do Bella’s seat belt. Now THAT is the true part to be embarrassed in. Did they put it in to make Edward look like a 107 year old Grandfather? Well-it worked. Since when does your boyfriend do your seatbelt for you. Now, I know that to this article, I’m in the future but New Moon…the scene where Bella and Edward are running through the forest couldn’t get ANY more cheesy.
Well done, this article made me laugh out loud!

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By: The Composer

The Composer — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:37:35 +0000

Really late with this comment, but whatever.
Let’s see, abuse of caps lock, and no defense of the movie whatsoever. You say that people can’t “SHIT ALL OVER THE MOVIE,” but why not? The only things good about it were that it was hilarious and that the ballet scene was mildly exciting. So next time, if you’re going to jump to the defense of a crappy movie, do try to find something to actually defend it with and not sound like a pissed off ten-year-old.

To the author: I love all of your articles about Twilight. They’re much better written than the actual book

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By: Ox the idol

Ox the idol — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 02:13:19 +0000

sarcastic, smart and funny review as usual^^
i laugh so hard when i read your thought about the dialogue of eddy’s skins

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By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:46:27 +0000

You know, Robert Pattison actually apparently hates Twilight. Like, a lot. Here: http://io9.com/5096763/twilight-makes-for-the-best-fanwank-ever

That could potentially explain a lot of it. Also, that article references both of your reviews of the books, so there’s that.

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By: Selvero

Selvero — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:00:52 +0000

Excellent reviews, well written and intelligent. I have to confess to being a fan of the series while at the same time being quite uncomfortable about the female ‘heroine’ issue you wrote about in your first review of the books.
As for the movie, I can’t help but enjoy it even if it makes me laugh out loud in several places – but I can’t believe you didn’t mention the hilarious reaction Edward has to Bella when she walks into the classroom (queue slow mo hair blowing and dark ominous music) which still makes me laugh.
I think you may find the following equally hilarious picture gallery of the top ten examples of why the Twilight films are laughable… from Australia, this one is entitled ‘Picture Gallery: Acting so bad, its good! Twilight’s top ten ridiculous facials’ http://yourmovies.com.au/news/?i=175586&action=news
Enjoy!

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By: Tasha

Tasha — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:54:20 +0000

bahahahahahahhaa.. kellen, you are the MAN (said with utter conviction)!! hahahahahaahahaha, this is the skin of the killer?! awwwwwwwwwww, how cute really, bahahahahahah. . man I took more than an hour to stop laughing. . hahahaha. . I do agree with you about the director deciding to make a spoof rather than adapt it . . hey is the director related to Manysyllable Meyer?! she sure sounds like one . . Am gonna ask all my friends to read your articles . . you ROCKKKKKKKKKK

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By: Michelle

Michelle — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:18:25 +0000

I just wanted to say that you are a genius! Everything you said about the movie is true. I’ll take your word about the books. I didn’t read them, the movie discouraged me too much. I’m amazed that you were able to read all of the books, and still remain somewhat sane. I know I shouldn’t judge the books yet, but the movie….

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By: Chloe H

Chloe H — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:05:56 +0000

Hey,

I love this review. I couldn’t stop laughing at ‘expression that doesnâ€™t quite say â€œIâ€™m in pain because of the humansâ€ so much as it does â€œMaybe if I just stand here, no one will notice.â€’

Oh haven’t laughed that hard for a long time. But, seriously I like the books and movie and found your blog while trying to break the Twilight addiction, seriously trying. It’s helped and I enjoyed reading all of them; the book review, follow-up review and this hilarious number.

to take a line out of Green Eggs and ham(a much better book)
Thank you, thank you Sam-I-Am (I mean you but not in a mean way)

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By: KingbobulousIII

KingbobulousIII — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:49:10 +0000

You know, I remember thinking at the time of watching it (on my laptop at noon with the curtains closed) that despite all the terrible acting, terrible screenplay, constipation, hair and sparkling, the camera work and blue-wash lighting effects were pretty good.
It was the one concession I made at the time to an otherwise awful, if hilarious, film. It’s nice to know there is some underlying reasoning to my knee-jerk reaction. I loved The Piano.
Film is something I hope to be studying in the near future. Thanks for your insight.

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By: Chloe

Chloe — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 09:36:39 +0000

I love this review. It certainly had me laughing. I love how you say the ‘sparkling’ was just his own perspiration and then in the DVD commentary himself, Pattinson makes the comment over himself talking at that point ‘I’m sorry Bella, I’m just a sweaty man.’ Don’t think he thought much of those special effects either. Your comments on the jasper ‘did I just fart?’ expression are priceless. Another comparison I have seen and also agree with is the similarity of his expression to that of edward scissorhands. There is a video on youtube somewhere that shows it perfectly. Love your reviews, they make me lol.

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By: bellaB

bellaB — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 09:24:44 +0000

I have been studying film making and art. The way Hardwicke uses the camera is something that was ‘developed’ by female film makers. In Finland we have Pirjo Honkasalo, a female documentarist, whose films in India or Russia, are so good, because she uses unsteady camera. That enables the viewer become as a part of the scene, makes it life like. That’s something I have seen done by few female directores only. It is the key to create the emotional closeness and atmosphere we have been soaked in.

Also the slow motion and the music are they key factors to draw us in. We don’t need too much action. It must be some difference in the brain of people who are sensitive, drawn by poetic music and the people who need constant stimulus of action. And it’s not a gender thing.

If you see the film Piano, it has similar componenets: the beautiful landscape, great music and the difficult love traingle. It’s also made by a female director.

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By: David

David — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:57:07 +0000

Despite the fact that the books and movies are awful (my sis forced me to read & watch them… The horror! D:) you put yourself through that pain in order to write an accurate reveiw. Thanks so much! I need to make my sister read this!

Btw I read your book reveiw as well. Awesome.

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By: Alexis

Alexis — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:40:29 +0000

Agreed. Twilight fans wouldn’t be bitching so much if Kellen had written a positive review, so what right do they have to bash her for speaking her mind?? I’m sure if some Edward-lover wrote a positive review of the book or movie, they’d be pretty pissed if a bunch of Twilight dissenters (A.K.A.: normal people) started harassing her with death-like threats. Get a life, you losers.

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By: Dodie

Dodie — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:27:48 +0000

Being a fan of the books, I will have to admit that i thought this review was actually quite hilarious. I was actually disappointed in the movie more than what i thought i would be. well, on certain parts anyway. I like that you stayed unbiased in this review more than your other reviews. This was a breath of fresh air.

Oh, and if anyone wants to critize me, I am not an adolescent girl. I am a full grown woman with four kids that likes to read. I do like the books and that is my opinion. just as you are entitled to yours on why you don’t read them.

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By: Catie

Catie — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 01:48:16 +0000

It’s Kellen Rice’s job to write articles on major books and films, she’s a critic. She is paid to give her professional opinion on works of literature or film. That is what critics do. Millions of books, films, works of art, music, and just about anything you can think of are reviewed by critics everyday. You can agree or disagree with them but that, my dear, is the way it works.

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By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:26:20 +0000

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for this review! What a perfect summation of everything I thought and felt (though you were a lot more generous with Kristen Stewart’s acting than I was). I went to see Twilight knowing it would be horrible, but little did I know what comedy gold it would be! Your review was spot on, and it was even funnier than the movie unintentionally was. Thank you for the comment about Jackson Rathborne’s acting. I wasn’t quite sure what to say his face looked like, but “Did I just fart?” was perfect.

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By: Ally

Ally — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:35:44 +0000

muderous shins, hilarious! Sorry for the long reply

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By: Ally

Ally — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:34:30 +0000

You know what i admire about your review of the book and of the movie? that you actually read the books and watched the movie and then judged it rather then just judging it right of the back like others who think it to be drivel about emo vampires actually saving the helpless damsel in distress instead of feasting on her blood. I’ve read the first two books and saw the movie and i can actually understand where your coming from, but as you said in your article, i want to read the other two books just out of morbid curiosity even though i now know what happens because i read your article, which was good too. The movie was pretty stupid, i actually don’t think it should even be considered a movie because it rightfully belongs in the ranks of the deteriorating Disney channel crap like hannah montanna and the jonas brothers. The special effects were terrible and the one closeup i remember specifically is the one of edward, i guess in the movie when he introduces himself to bella, where you can see the robert pattinson is wearing contact lenses! The only parts i enjoyed were the baseball scene, even though it was in slow-mo, and the ending where edward and james fight. One thing i do disagree with you on is the acting. You may have thought that robert pattinson’s acting was bad and stewart’s was okay, but really, it was bad all around. Although i love rob, the two main characters were terrible but i blamed rob’s acting on the fact that edward was emo, constipated and tortured in the books too, and stewart just can’t act except in the ending when she was wriggling, i think that experience came from Panic Room when she played a diabetic. God! Jasper was so in pain, Edward seemed like he was being tortured! But i suppose i was ok, It’s sad though that everything you say are my own thoughts yet still i’m curious as to what will happen in the other two books i have yet to read and the new moon movie.

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By: PeachyKeen

PeachyKeen — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:14:24 +0000

Because our worth as human beings and our physical beauty definitely and only hinges on whether or not our opinion jives with yours.

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By: PeachyKeen

PeachyKeen — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:52:06 +0000

Because everyone knows that calling the author of the article a ‘mean old lady’ will definitely give your argument credibility and make sound very mature and smart.

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By: emily

emily — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:44:58 +0000

Hahaha. I actually am a Twilight fan but I do admit that everything you have said about the movie and the books is absolutely spot on. Edward’s glitter skin was hilarious. Who knew glittery skin came with sparkling sound effects?
His acting when he first met Bella was extremely laughable! He sat there with his hand over his mouth looking EXACTLY like he was constipated. I actually did love Jackson Rathbone as Jasper though. Although all he did was look like more like a zombie than a vampire he was still cute. What was with the one-liners though?! ‘Hold on tight spider-monkey’ and the whole lion and lamb thing; ‘what a sick, masochistic lion’were cringe inducig. What normal teenager says that kind of stuff?! Please, if a guy ever had that sort of conversation with me I’d drop to the ground laughing and probably wet myself before I hit him over the head with a saucepan and ran off.The best scene of the whole movie was between Bella and Charlie, when she had to leave. It was the only scene I re-wound and watched again, just because it was so genuine and the acting was (finally) perfect. That scene made me feel so sorry for Charlie and it was on of the few times that some of the characters seemed like people rather than stiffly drawn cardboard cut outs that pranced along looking hot and yelling ‘ooh, don’t eat the human you naughty hot bad vampire. oo-hhoo, I’m a sexy glittery spider-monkey vampire.’

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By: twilightlover

twilightlover — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:39:44 +0000

We meet again twilighthater. Let me tell you something. Everyone is intitled to their own opinion; however, it is never necesesary to voice such opinions in crude and rude manners. In both the Harry Potter and Twilight movies fantastical events do take place. It is within each persons mind that they decide whether or not they enjoy these types of major motion pictures. Just because you feel the need to lash out at young teens who enjoy Twilight doesn’t mean that you reserve the right to be withdrawn from the situation. YOU HAVE STARTED THE WAR and TWILIGHT FANS AROUND THE WORLD WILL FINISH IT.

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By: twilightlover

twilightlover — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:20:00 +0000

OK Mr. or MRs. Twilighthater, just becasue you use oversized words doesn’t make your comment anymore insightful than mine. I agree who should agree to disagree but you reasons are stupid. You don’t say one reason why you hate it. And my personal guess is because you are just trying to be different from everyone else. One problem with is that you might actualy like it. All your reasons are agianst twilight lovers and not the actual movie. So if you would please just think about this….. WE LIKE IT, IT’S GOOD, GET OVER IT!

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By: Victoria

Victoria — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:38:49 +0000

I Agree With You Alexis. They’re Turning Vampires Into… EMOS

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By: Victoria

Victoria — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:34:46 +0000

“I think the Twilight film was fantastic, and I still do not get why you people keep wasting your time writing articles and about it. I mean, I REALLY donâ€™t like the Harry Potter books, but I donâ€™t go around writing hedious articles on that topic! COME ON, people! Stop acting Like Kellen Rice is a Goddess, cos sheâ€™s not, and will never be.”

Please Don’t Tell Me You’re Attempting To Compare Harry Potter To TWILIGHT?

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By: Victoria

Victoria — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:31:15 +0000

I Agree With This Article. But, I Think Both Of Their Acting Abilities Are Terrible. I HATE (LOATHE, CAN’T STAND) The Scene At The End When Robby Boy Wants Bellzilla To Go With Her Mom To Jacksonville. The Way She Acts Was Terrible! Like She Had A Bad Speech Impediment.

And I Hate The Way They Are In Real Life. They’re Just Losers, Mate.

Why People Like These Books, And Movies, I’ll Never Know.

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By: twilighthater

twilighthater — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:24:11 +0000

And you’ve hit the precise point of frustration for a lot of the people. It’s not that the book doesn’t deserve commercial success. It’s the fact it is being lauded for something it is definitely not in its construct, style, and depth.

It’s a soap operatic, romance novel for hopeless escapists. It’s geared toward young adults (mentally and literally in age) to fawn over.

And there’s nothing wrong with that stance. What’s wrong is trying to push the idea without making valid points to its quality.

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By: twilighthater

twilighthater — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:19:38 +0000

You do realize the comment “write awful reviews” in that specifc context is completely absurd, right?

I’ll never understand blindsided Twilight fans who feel that because of an opinion that it undermines their fandom.

Get over it, not everyone loves the movie and Kellan stated very clearly and articulately her stance without making into a flame war.

If overzealous fans want to wast THEIR time doing the supposed thing they accuse Kellan of doing in her own article, so be it. But the difference between being an antagonist and being a critic is that one requires actual thoughtful insight; a trait sorely lacking by the manic followers of Meyer’s work.

And to make matters worse, sentiments like yours regardless of its tactful expression, just makes the average Twilight fan come across as mentioned earlier, blind and thoughtless.

If people are going to really make a difference in their time posting, there has to be an established consensus to agree to disagree, and stick to valid arguments constructed by examples from the book in its association with your point of view.

Otherwise, comments that are just personal attacks lose the integrity of the entire argument.

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By: SS Hunter

SS Hunter — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:35:33 +0000

I just want to tell you, that I have read the Twilight series, and I do like it, but I think it shows a sign of maturity and intelligence that I can look at it seriously, sit here, and say “Yep” to every comment you made, about the movie and books. For me, Twilight is a interesting, addicting soap opera, but I don’t take it seriously. I really love when people say its “one of the all time classic stories to ever be told”…

Honestly, the movie The Wizard of Oz has more depth then it. Hell, Barney has more depth then that. At least he was purple.

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By: twilightlover

twilightlover — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:30:19 +0000

hi I back.Do you have any thing better to do than write awful reviews on twilight.I loved the movie and the books to .twilight rocks. i think harry Potter is alot worse than twilight .Harry potter is boring.I mean what teen whats to watch someone do magic,(really boring magic too)over a romantic story of a vampire falling in love with a human girl.Kellen Rice can you please writte a better review .Its painful to read these reviews,because they are really bad.Just speaking the truth,no hard feelings,but this review sucks and not in a good way.

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By: Anon2

Anon2 — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 10:22:25 +0000

Agreed.

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By: Anon

Anon — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 06:41:18 +0000

Proper grammar? I think you should also use proper grammar. Maybe get a dictionary or two.

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By: A Twilight Fan

A Twilight Fan — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 00:26:35 +0000

haha i know EXACTLY what you mean…

like i think im supposed to hate this, but i actually think this is hilarious. haha “this is the skin of a killer” i thought that scene was gross cuz he had no muscle it was like a flabby hairy sweaty chest

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By: Alexis

Alexis — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 01:45:44 +0000

Freedom of speech, Kookie! Freedom of speech! And Twilight completely SUCKS ASS, for those of you still in denial. I hate everything about that series, from the “damsel in distress” character of Bella, who couldn’t be more of a rain-cloud if she tried, to that stupid little bitch, Edward, and his stupid, pale-face pussy brothers and sisters. I hate how vampires have just been transformed into these pseudo-intellectual, dark and mysterious characters who are just “misunderstood” by the whole world. They’re just total pussies, no doubts about that. And I hate, hate, HATE how unrealistically–nay, RIDICULOUSLY–love is portrayed in these stupid books! How long did those two know eachother exactly, two, three weeks, before falling in love with eachother. FUCK OFF. And Kellen, you’re absolutely right about the dialogue. I literally felt nauseous and let out a groan of disgust over that winning line about the Three Things Bella realized. Christ. I HATE TWILIGHT, NOW AND FOREVER!

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By: Victoria Kitts

Victoria Kitts — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 21:50:01 +0000

I just read your review of the 4 twilight books and I just finished reading your review of the movie and all I can say is wow! I say that in a good way. I could not agree more with you! The books are tasteless and have no plot, climax and the characters are not well written. Her â€œmythologyâ€ of the vampires are completely wrong! The last time I checked there are no vampires in Indian mythology. Wow Stephanie you really did your homework. My mother is a true vampire author, sheâ€™s been studying the mythology of vampires all her life so when you read her book it makes sense to true vampire fans.

Iâ€™m a 16 year old teenager so when everyone was reading Twilight I wanted to see what all the hype was about. I read all 4 of them, all I can say is I want those wasted hours of my life back. In the forth book I got to the pregnancy part and I wanted to burn it but sadly I couldnâ€™t because it belonged to my friend.
There are so many things wrong with that book I donâ€™t even see why people are reading. Stephanie set feminism back another 200 years. Countless women fought for our rights and she just set them back to when we had no say in anything. Bella was the ditzy girl who was always in trouble and always needed saving. Way to go Bella you sure gave us girls a good name. Iâ€™m sure Bram Stoker is rolling in his grave right now.

My school took students out of class to go see that movie. I am so happy I didnâ€™t go. When it came out on DVD my mom and I sat down to watch it. I want the 2 hours of my life back. The movie was horrible from beginning to end. From the â€œepicâ€ dialog to the spider-man tree hopping scene. â€œHold on tight spider monkeyâ€ What in gods name is that! Oh and the sparkle scene. I thought that was going to be a cool scene but it looked like the film crew be-dazzled him! The actors could not act what so freaking ever, it was all cardboard acting. I think the actors need to take a couple of acting lessons or maybe go back to high school and take drama, Iâ€™m sure any drama student could do better then the actors in that movie. I donâ€™t even know why that movie made billions of dollars. Iâ€™d rather watch Hannah Montana then watch that movie again!

Thank you for making everyone see the true light of this pure teenage crap movie. Iâ€™ll be sure to follow you on Twitter.

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By: Mandy

Mandy — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 02:57:46 +0000

I don’t quite understand this line from your article:

“And speaking of yawn, thatâ€™s a good description of the acting. Kristen Stewart definitely had her moments, but Robert Pattinson not so much.”

How can you describe the lack of facial expressions Kristen Stewart made as “acting”? I think that word is being far too generous for her. Most of the movie she simply looked dazed and confused to me. Possibly stoned. Robert Pattinson at least had a somewhat intense look in his eyes at random points, but she always seemed to have a look in her eyes that said, “Where am I? What’s with all the pretty lights and cameras?”
Besides that one line, I agree with the rest of your article and, along with your other anti-Twilight ones, was quite literally laughing my ass off. I only hope to someday have my novels publicly critiqued all over the internet (for better or worse) when I become published as well.

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By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:05:27 +0000

Good lord, this movie was ridiculous!! I admit the Bella/Charlie goodbye scene hit me a little, but that was the only part I wasn’t doubled over laughing hysterically at. Hopefully a new director will make the second one watchable.

I’m a former-Twilighter. I loved these books as a teen, but when I picked up Twilight to reread it in preparation for the final book’s release, I almost shat myself, I kid you not. I liked this garbage? Really?? Two obnoxious people gazing into each other’s eyes longingly for hundreds of pages?? Shoot me!

Glad to know there are so many others seeing the light now!!

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By: Alexander

Alexander — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:18:16 +0000

I must say, I absolutely love your reviews!:) I myself am a fan of the books, though I am well aware of the cheesyness I love reading them when i’m in the mood for a relaxing book that doesn’t require to much of my mental abilities. Also a huge factor is my obsession with harry potter and twilight is in the same line only less good. You propably wonder why I am complementing you on tearing down twilight? Well it’s because i can see the enormous stack of flaws in the books aswel. That doesn’t take away the fact that I still enjoy reading them. After reading the first book I was very edgy to go and watch the movie interpretation. Well i can say i agree with you on that! It is an utter embarresment for filmhistory and for everyone who read the books. I’m pretty sure you can watch an entire day of italian familyshows on italian tv and had a better time than watching the movie twilight. Keep on writing. A hype always needs an anti-camp
greets from Belgium

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By: Unknown

Unknown — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 05:24:30 +0000

Edit: Scratch that, i’m a retard

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By: Beep

Beep — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:22:14 +0000

I’ve just woke everyone in my house laughing out loud at this article! Brilliant observations. The ‘eyebrows of a vampire’ thing especially.

Kirsten’s acting is horrible in the hospital scene, far too melodramatic: “what? no! dont leave me! You can’t! I won’t let you! Never! AHHHH!”

I seriously thought ‘what the hell is this?’

Also, there were too many continuity errors to mention.

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