Nov. 23, 2008
But all kidding aside about bad special effects and horrendous dialogue, the film’s saving grace is the scene between Bella and Charlie as she’s preparing to run from James. Beautifully acted by both Stewart and Billy Burke, Charlie’s hurt and desperation are understated and authentic, and Stewart’s physical acting was very good. Hands-down the best moment of the film, it is also the only one during which I couldn’t feel a smile at the corner of the my lips.
In fact, Kristen Stewart’s performance as Bella is impressive in general. Not because she stayed true to the books, but rather because she managed to give a little personality to a flat (or at least obnoxious) character and with a lot less narration than I’d feared. Granted, Bella was fairly dull at times, but at times she had a touch of Juno-cool and a few of her well-delivered one-liners made me crack a smile when I was supposed to.
The supporting cast was quite good as well, with the notable exception of Jackson Rathbone’s Jasper, whose every scene is laugh-out-loud funny. From the first moment we see him, his face is screwed up in this bizarre “Did I just fart?” expression that doesn’t quite say “I’m in pain because of the humans” so much as it does “Maybe if I just stand here, no one will notice.”
The rest of the vampire crew was dull verging on decent. Despite his horrendous makeup, Peter Facinelli gave an okay performance as Carlisle, the humanitarian vampire doctor. Elizabeth Reaser as Esme was slightly more memorable than her character, which was probably a result of her having a face and one odd line about “Italiano.” Nikki Reed as Rosalie wasn’t beautiful so much as unexplainably bitchy and I’d have liked to see Kellan Lutz’s Emmett have a bigger part; his wave hello with the knife was one of the few intentionally funny moments that worked.
Cam Gigandet’s James and his merry band of vampire friends gave some of the best acting of the film; the scene on the boat, for instance, was pretty well done, and James absolutely stole the show in the ballet studio.
The human (or seemingly human) cast of Forks – Mike, Eric, Jessica, Angela, and Jacob – were a blast. While Angela was vaguely forgettable, Mike, Eric, and Jessica each had great moments and they managed to accomplish what Meyer didn’t in the books; that is, they make the human life that Bella gives up appealing. And as long as the adorable Taylor Lautner continues being adorable, he’ll make a wonderful Jacob if they do make a second film.
So, what’s the verdict?
Everything about the technical direction, from the melodramatic and out-of-place “300″-style cinematography to the unbearably corny score, was just plain bad. And those two elements alone are nearly enough to make “Twilight” an unwatchable film.
But it’s Edward and Bella’s dialogue that pushed it over the edge. Not once was the acting, the lovely set design, or the occasional funny one-liner enough to stop me from cringing at bad line after bad line after bad line. If Hardwicke & co. had rebranded the film as a satire, they wouldn’t have had to change a thing; the forced, uncomfortable delivery of mushy-gushy lines ripped straight from the book is simply unbearable. While the film has its good moments, overall it is simply not adapted enough from the novel and the direction and acting suffers because of it.
So, my advice? Go into the theater expecting a comedy and you’ll have a great time.
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Kellen Rice is Blast's Assistant Entertainment Editor. You may love her or hate her. Follow Kellen on Twitter!
You know what i admire about your review of the book and of the movie? that you actually read the books and watched the movie and then judged it rather then just judging it right of the back like others who think it to be drivel about emo vampires actually saving the helpless damsel in distress instead of feasting on her blood. I’ve read the first two books and saw the movie and i can actually understand where your coming from, but as you said in your article, i want to read the other two books just out of morbid curiosity even though i now know what happens because i read your article, which was good too. The movie was pretty stupid, i actually don’t think it should even be considered a movie because it rightfully belongs in the ranks of the deteriorating Disney channel crap like hannah montanna and the jonas brothers. The special effects were terrible and the one closeup i remember specifically is the one of edward, i guess in the movie when he introduces himself to bella, where you can see the robert pattinson is wearing contact lenses! The only parts i enjoyed were the baseball scene, even though it was in slow-mo, and the ending where edward and james fight. One thing i do disagree with you on is the acting. You may have thought that robert pattinson’s acting was bad and stewart’s was okay, but really, it was bad all around. Although i love rob, the two main characters were terrible but i blamed rob’s acting on the fact that edward was emo, constipated and tortured in the books too, and stewart just can’t act except in the ending when she was wriggling, i think that experience came from Panic Room when she played a diabetic. God! Jasper was so in pain, Edward seemed like he was being tortured! But i suppose i was ok, It’s sad though that everything you say are my own thoughts yet still i’m curious as to what will happen in the other two books i have yet to read and the new moon movie.
muderous shins, hilarious! Sorry for the long reply
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for this review! What a perfect summation of everything I thought and felt (though you were a lot more generous with Kristen Stewart’s acting than I was). I went to see Twilight knowing it would be horrible, but little did I know what comedy gold it would be! Your review was spot on, and it was even funnier than the movie unintentionally was. Thank you for the comment about Jackson Rathborne’s acting. I wasn’t quite sure what to say his face looked like, but “Did I just fart?” was perfect.
Being a fan of the books, I will have to admit that i thought this review was actually quite hilarious. I was actually disappointed in the movie more than what i thought i would be. well, on certain parts anyway. I like that you stayed unbiased in this review more than your other reviews. This was a breath of fresh air.
Oh, and if anyone wants to critize me, I am not an adolescent girl. I am a full grown woman with four kids that likes to read. I do like the books and that is my opinion. just as you are entitled to yours on why you don’t read them.
Despite the fact that the books and movies are awful (my sis forced me to read & watch them… The horror! D:) you put yourself through that pain in order to write an accurate reveiw. Thanks so much! I need to make my sister read this!
Btw I read your book reveiw as well. Awesome.
I have been studying film making and art. The way Hardwicke uses the camera is something that was ‘developed’ by female film makers. In Finland we have Pirjo Honkasalo, a female documentarist, whose films in India or Russia, are so good, because she uses unsteady camera. That enables the viewer become as a part of the scene, makes it life like. That’s something I have seen done by few female directores only. It is the key to create the emotional closeness and atmosphere we have been soaked in.
Also the slow motion and the music are they key factors to draw us in. We don’t need too much action. It must be some difference in the brain of people who are sensitive, drawn by poetic music and the people who need constant stimulus of action. And it’s not a gender thing.
If you see the film Piano, it has similar componenets: the beautiful landscape, great music and the difficult love traingle. It’s also made by a female director.
You know, I remember thinking at the time of watching it (on my laptop at noon with the curtains closed) that despite all the terrible acting, terrible screenplay, constipation, hair and sparkling, the camera work and blue-wash lighting effects were pretty good.
It was the one concession I made at the time to an otherwise awful, if hilarious, film. It’s nice to know there is some underlying reasoning to my knee-jerk reaction. I loved The Piano.
Film is something I hope to be studying in the near future. Thanks for your insight.
I love this review. It certainly had me laughing. I love how you say the ’sparkling’ was just his own perspiration and then in the DVD commentary himself, Pattinson makes the comment over himself talking at that point ‘I’m sorry Bella, I’m just a sweaty man.’ Don’t think he thought much of those special effects either. Your comments on the jasper ‘did I just fart?’ expression are priceless. Another comparison I have seen and also agree with is the similarity of his expression to that of edward scissorhands. There is a video on youtube somewhere that shows it perfectly. Love your reviews, they make me lol.
Hey,
I love this review. I couldn’t stop laughing at ‘expression that doesn’t quite say “I’m in pain because of the humans” so much as it does “Maybe if I just stand here, no one will notice.”’
Oh haven’t laughed that hard for a long time. But, seriously I like the books and movie and found your blog while trying to break the Twilight addiction, seriously trying. It’s helped and I enjoyed reading all of them; the book review, follow-up review and this hilarious number.
to take a line out of Green Eggs and ham(a much better book)
Thank you, thank you Sam-I-Am (I mean you but not in a mean way)
I just wanted to say that you are a genius! Everything you said about the movie is true. I’ll take your word about the books. I didn’t read them, the movie discouraged me too much. I’m amazed that you were able to read all of the books, and still remain somewhat sane. I know I shouldn’t judge the books yet, but the movie….
bahahahahahahhaa.. kellen, you are the MAN (said with utter conviction)!! hahahahahaahahaha, this is the skin of the killer?! awwwwwwwwwww, how cute really, bahahahahahah. . man I took more than an hour to stop laughing. . hahahaha. . I do agree with you about the director deciding to make a spoof rather than adapt it . . hey is the director related to Manysyllable Meyer?! she sure sounds like one . . Am gonna ask all my friends to read your articles . . you ROCKKKKKKKKKK
Excellent reviews, well written and intelligent. I have to confess to being a fan of the series while at the same time being quite uncomfortable about the female ‘heroine’ issue you wrote about in your first review of the books.
As for the movie, I can’t help but enjoy it even if it makes me laugh out loud in several places – but I can’t believe you didn’t mention the hilarious reaction Edward has to Bella when she walks into the classroom (queue slow mo hair blowing and dark ominous music) which still makes me laugh.
I think you may find the following equally hilarious picture gallery of the top ten examples of why the Twilight films are laughable… from Australia, this one is entitled ‘Picture Gallery: Acting so bad, its good! Twilight’s top ten ridiculous facials’ http://yourmovies.com.au/news/?i=175586&action=news
Enjoy!