Matter

I don’t know why I do this though. She’s probably nice to everyone and she has a husband and a little kid but I look anyways. It only takes a couple seconds for sparks to light in my brain.

The first girl I see is familiar looking, like a sister I rarely see. She walks with a limp but otherwise she looks exactly like the waitress at the diner. Crimped black hair, fair skin, thick legs. I watch her walk around and she looks my way and then looks down at the ground like an instinct. She walks behind the rest of the crowd and I don’t see her anymore. I lean over to Ed who is drinking from the flask again.

“Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” I say to him. Benny nods and walks down to the water’s edge. Benny’s old, drunk stupor vanishes when he gets closer to the water and I think about how young he was for a minute before turning back to Ed.

“I think I saw someone from the restaurant.”

“You did?”

“I did. It looked like the waitress that took my order.”

“Which one is she?” Edward leans in and looks from my angle.

“She moved. I can’t see her anymore, but I thought it might be her.” I scratch my head and put on some big aviator sunglasses Benny left next to my feet.

“You were probably just seeing things. Relax kid.”

“I think I’m going to go look for her. I won’t be able to relax until I know. Remember, people at the diner have eyes and ears just like us. We can’t just forget it all happened.”

I stand up and brush sand off my shorts. I walk over to the crowd of people standing around the volleyball net. Near a cooler are a couple people that look familiar, but maybe everyone in Naples looks familiar the first time around.

“Hey, Richard!”

I look over my shoulder and see Sunni skip up to me. My thoughts from the condo about her return as I watch her swivel up to me like a star in front of the sun. She has her blonde hair up in a ponytail and I admire the curve of her jaw line. She smiles and hugs me and I am caught off guard with my arms at my side.

“I knew you’d be coming down here today. My husband left to go get some beer and I don’t know many of these people. You were the first person I saw that I wanted to talk to.” She says and crooks her head to the left. I peak at her body behind my sunglasses and then smile and tell her I’m here with company.

“Ed! Ed is here? Where is he?”

“Over there,” I point and she cranes her head but doesn’t move.

Sunni starts to tell me about her son who is building a sandcastle to close to the water. I find out that he goes to an elementary school ten miles from here and that he gets good grades. She says a lot and while we’re talking I sneak glances at the people around us. I see the limping waitress again but this time I am close enough to get a good look at her. She smiles at someone and I see the teeth. The person she is talking to is the woman from the diner, the one huddled in the corner with kids on her boobs. She laughs in the same tone she screams. Sunni is talking and I am listening as best I can as I panic. She can’t see my wide eyes.

“What are you doing later today, Rich?” She says.

“I don’t know, noth- nothing I hope.”

I tell Sunni I’m going to sit back down with Ed and she comes with me. She is a couple steps in front of me and her smell is intoxicating. The roses and the flowers and all the chemicals that went into washing her hair are an aphrodisiac. On the way back I see Ed talking to a greasy haired man. The guy is fat and looks nice enough. I recognize him when we stop. He was cowering at the cannon Ed held a few hours ago in the diner only this time he is laughing and popping his head back to drink a beer. All of these people were there, or all of the ones I recognize.

I thought I had more experience than this. I thought that maybe we were lucky and that maybe no one really knew who we were. I thought, after I saw the yellow toothed waitress and the hyena, maybe they really didn’t recognize us and that maybe they just wanted to relax and forget it all. But up until this moment I thought that there would be some consequence to our action. I want them all to call the police and arrest us at least. It feels like I’m a human on a stage surrounded by theater kids, but not ones you’ll see on Broadway or in movies or even on Days of Our Lives when they grow up but more like the high school students you never see again but remember them for their clownish charm. I thought for a minute that repercussions were real. I am silly. I don’t think I understand any of this.

“Hey Rich,” Ed says, “I see you found Sunni over there.”

“Yeah. I did. Who’s this guy?” I point towards the cashier.

“I’m Bob, I work over at the BHOP, you know.” He leans in and winks a dark, veiny eye at me.

“Oh yeah, I was in there earlier with Ed.” It’s the only thing I know how to do at this point. I’m going to tell the truth.

“You were? I remember that. You put on quite a show, Ed.”

“For a little bit.”

“Ah, well pleasure to meet you. I’m heading back over to the game.”

The man walks off and Sunni introduces herself to Benny and I say to Ed, “These people seem to have forgotten everything we’ve done today.”

“He knows me. And yeah, I think they don’t want to talk about it. It was a bad idea anyways.”

“Sure, but what’s the point in doing anything if nobody cares?” I ask.

“You tell me,” Ed says and looks past my shadowy face at the sun behind us, up in the sky.

I back away from the beach and walk down the hot sandy sidewalk. I didn’t put any shoes on and pieces of my skin are burning off my feet from the pavement. I wasn’t looking for this. I don’t know what I was looking for but it isn’t this. I want to hitch a ride but I look down at my feet and the skin is peeling off and I realize that not very many people want bleeding strangers in their passenger’s seat. There is nothing for me on the beach so I rip my shirt into two halves and rap my feet and keep walking.

I walk past a bus stop at the corner of the street near a tourist trap. A coconut falls from the tree and knocks the ground next to the shop and cracks a little bit of juice down the sidewalk and into the gutter. I don’t know when the buses run here nor do I know what time it is, but the blisters on my feet won’t let up like the heat, and shade sounds cool so I slide under the cool blanket from the building and pick up the fruit. The juice from the coconut pours down my throat and I remember all of the times I thought the coconut flavorings from a juice box were authentic. I should have known better, nothing can taste this good. I look back the direction I came from and see Ed and Benny walking my way. The hair itches on the back of my neck and I scratch the skin through the sweat.

“Ed, you can’t be serious? You’re leaving?” Benny says.

“Yes. I’ve packed all my bags and I’m leaving the car and condo to you Jack. I have to go.”

“And your taking the bus where? To the airport in Ft. Lauderdale?” Benny asks while running his freckled hand through his hair.

“I bought a one way ticket that departs tonight at seven thirty.”

One more time, I try to become involved in Ed’s life, there with my arms crossed and my back sizzling in front of the stop I get their attention. Those cloudy eyes Ed has are swirling from the breeze in his head. He looks past everything, x-ray vision.

“What are you guys doing here?” I say.

“Hello Rich.”

Ed’s eyes are glazed. His gray hair is curled up from the breeze and his old wrinkles and pock marks are so vivid I can trace them with my finger. He looks gone; like rock. Like he’s lost it, like there is nothing else that he wants to let in.

“I don’t know what games are being played here but I deserve at least an explanation. Why doesn’t anyone in this town care about anything we’ve done?”

I can’t smell the ocean anymore. I look down at them and see Benny and Ed staring the road the other way towards the sound of the approaching bus and I feel helpless. Not even the one person I’ve known for more than a couple days wants to tell me like it is.

“Look Rich. You’re ruining things here. Your grandpa is drunk. He loses his grip whenever he drinks. Haven’t you ever been drunk with him before? Well, it doesn’t matter. You have to leave,” Benny says abruptly and stares back into my face. I hear the brakes of the bus screech a block away.

“No one likes what you’re doing here, or at least that’s what I heard them say at the beach. It’s like you have no idea. Your grandpa is pretty far gone. He’s been losing it for about a month. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed. Either way, take this cash and go get your car and leave.” Benny and his bloodshot eyes are very serious. “Besides, he’s probably just going to ride around on the bus for a few hours until he gets tired. He’s not serious about the airport, if you heard any of that.”

“He’s my grandfather. You expect me to just let him bake here with a bunch of strangers?”

“I expect you to let him do whatever he wants. It’s the least we can do. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, what’s good or bad. It doesn’t matter how drunk he is or how stupid he sounds, it’s just how it is. Your grandfather is a stubborn man.”

The bus is getting closer and I watch them wait for it. Benny is slouched over with his elbow on his knee and his hand in his khaki pocket and I’m having a hard time figuring out why he’s even here but the answer to that question seems to be at an octave I can’t hear. Ed, alone, stoic, back straight, sweaty, sun burned cheeks, looks at me and smiles just as the huge bus arrives and whistles to a stop. They climb on without looking back and the bus starts and then it all disappears.