There’s been quite an uproar over the recent Time Magazine cover story, picturing Jamie Lynn Grumet, a 26-year-old mother, and her 3-year-old breastfeeding son. The cover photo shows Grumet standing proudly, arm on hip, while her son contentedly latches on to her nipple, gazing curiously over to the camera. The article also introduces us to three other mothers who are part of a growing group of women dedicated to a child-rearing philosophy known as “attachment parenting,” a term coined by Dr. Bill Sears. Through his work and his many books on the subject, Sears has inspired hundreds of thousands of women across the country to subscribe to this philosophy, which is characterized by extended breast-feeding, co-sleeping and wearing your baby in a sling across your body. The goal of which is to raise confident, healthy, secure kids.

After reading through the comment sections of various articles about the appropriateness or inappropriateness of the cover shot (“it’s a beautiful image”; “it’s soft core porn!”) and the actual act of extended breastfeeding (“it’s a very natural thing”; “these kids are going to grow up to be sissies.”), after listening to the talking heads on radio and television sound off, I’ve decided to throw my opinion into the din of controversy.

My first thought was gee, that length of breastfeeding does seem a bit extreme. (I had no problem with the cover image.) But as I spent some more time thinking about it, I arrived at the conclusion that there really is no right or wrong on this issue. This is a decision that is unique for every family. If a woman is not breastfeeding for her own selfish needs (so, for instance, forcing the kid against his or her will), then why the heck shouldn’t she continue to nourish her child if the child hasn’t weaned herself or himself off her breast? When children are ready, they will stop – and only the mother can know when her child no longer desires her milk.

There are, of course, noted health benefits to breastfeeding, but it doesn’t seem like there is definitive evidence to say “at X months a mother is no longer passing along any added benefits to her child through her breast milk.” What doctor decided the cut-off point, anyway? Is that number arbitrary or rooted in absolute certainty? As my mom told me once when I asked how long she breastfed me: “Back then [the late-70s], the trend was to bottle feed; women didn’t even give it a second thought.” And look at me: I turned out relatively okay, didn’t I?

Conversely, we shouldn’t be condemning (something the women in the article are accused of doing) mothers who choose to stop breastfeeding at, say, six months, as there may be a confluence of factors at play: What if the mother needs to go back to work and can’t keep up her breastfeeding schedule anymore? What if she needs to go back on a certain medication that could be harmful to the baby if delivered through the breast milk?

I’m also told breastfeeding hurts – one mother I recently heard about had to stop because her child started biting her nipple. Maybe he was ready to stop, maybe he wasn’t, but it was reason enough for her to put an end to the suckling.

My final thought, though, is that if a woman’s body is still producing breast milk, there must be good reason. Our bodies aren’t some haphazard creation (sorry to all you Creationists out there), constructed willy-nilly; they are the result of millions of years of primate evolution, millions of years of incremental changes. If a woman is still lactating, wouldn’t that mean that a nursing child might still benefit from her milk? We’ve evolved this way for a reason. This is, perhaps, no coincidence.

I liken this outcry of revulsion to the debate about older mothers. Sure, there are downsides to consider (if a 50-year-old woman has a child, that child will most likely have a different upbringing than if he or she was raised by a spritely 30-year-old; there are more chances for genetic abnormalities), but if a woman is still getting her period, it’s nature’s way of saying, you can still do this. The same logic could be applied to the presence of breast milk in a woman’s body.

Why is there such disgust and outrage over these choices then?

Let’s stop admonishing mothers for the choices they make. If these choices are rooted in instinct, love, and the care of the child, we should be applauding not castigating the women who make them.

This week’s videos are based on a comment we received in last week’s MP4 Love #14.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Tune in to the male perspective below – this week featuring J.T. Tran, Master Pick-up Artist at ABCs of Attraction. But first:

Takeaways

1:15: Learn about techniques from J.T. Tran and other dating coaches/PUAs and practice as much as you can – it’s a form of exposure therapy.

2:35: Tune in here for new ways of thinking about yourself and self-confidence.

2:40: Confidence is a belief you have about yourself – tune in for more on this.

3:10: When events happen, we form meanings about them and ourselves, and from these meanings we create beliefs about ourselves, which become self-fulfilling prophecies. Tune in for more on this and my example.

3:59: A possible truth isn’t necessarily THE truth.

4:11: Events don’t have meanings other than the ones YOU attach to them.

Hi Neely,

Dating older woman, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 30 seconds: Congrats on falling in love! It’s the best feeling in the world, but I understand why you’re conflicted.
• 48 seconds: Tip #1 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about choices and responsibility in this kind of a situation.
• 1:15: Tip #2 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about having a conversation with her about why you’re conflicted.
• 1:40: Tip #3 – My advice on how to look at your feelings and how to go from there.
• 2:25: Tip #4 – What you may (or may not) be feeling 6 months down the road and how that may change your perspective.
• 2:50: Tip #5 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about making compromises in relationships and how to decide if this is the road you want to or don’t want to take.

For some reason, Dale Ballard never clicked romantically with American women. He wasn’t well versed in Game or the timeless art of seduction – unlike these Casanovas, who have built careers out of charming the fairer sex — a skill which would have helped him make better connections, but he shunned these sorts of tactics anyway. He disliked playing games or using any kind of manipulation strategies with women. He just wanted to be himself, and for American women that didn’t seem to be good enough. Luckily for the 32-year-old from Phoenix, Arizona, he seemed to have better luck with ladies from other countries (in particular, Bosnia, Estonia, and Sweden).

When asked via our phone conversation the other week why he connected better with foreign women, he parried the question a bit, trying to appear diplomatic, perhaps betraying his real feelings about American women. But he was sure of one thing and was willing to state it on the record: Foreign women don’t play games the way American women do.

In 2008, in his search for love, Ballard joined the typical dating Web sites — Match, eHarmony, OKCupid — but was disappointed when he couldn’t find foreign women in his area. Moreover, “when you type ‘foreign women’ into Google, all you come up with is ‘mail-order brides,’” he said with a laugh. Frustrated by his experience and recognizing a need, the young entrepreneur started mulling over the idea of launching his own dating Web site to accomplish what he wasn’t able to do via the traditional sites: find foreign women locally. There’s gotta be other people that feel like me, he told himself. 

Two years went by, his idea still simmering inside his head, like a slow-cooking stew. He hadn’t taken any action but was inspired by 2010’s The Social Network to turn up the heat. Shortly thereafter, DatingMashup.com was born. With his parents’ help – their expertise in marketing, research, and information technology was crucial — Ballard was off and running.

“If you could date anyone other than an American, who would it be?” he asked me during our chat. I didn’t have an answer, but Ballard reflexively answered his own question:  ”Seventy to eighty percent of the people I’ve surveyed knew immediately. They just don’t have the resources to act on their preferences.” Ballard also added that DatingMashup.com is a great site for foreign people who move to the U.S. and are looking to find others with similar backgrounds, even if it’s for platonic purposes. Currently, the site is free, making money through advertising, but it will eventually sell e-books full of dating tips and strategies for both men and women. Since the site officially launched, in March of 2011, it has been growing steadily and continues to expand its roster of countries — currently, there are members from the U.S., Korea, China, Canada, Spain, Mexico, Indonesia, the U.K. and Japan.

So if you’re in the market for some global lovin’ or you’re an expat looking to find someone of a similar background, check out DatingMashup.com.

Special deal for Blast readers only: Don’t forget to take advantage of their 25/25 program – the first 25 people who register get a $25 gift card to over 18,000 restaurants nationwide.  Just be sure to select “Blast Magazine” when prompted by the drop-down menu to explain how you heard about the site.

Happy hunting!

“You only touch a nerve by telling a truth.”

Last week, I wrote an op-ed piece on the recent sexual assaults in Park Slope, Brooklyn and the ensuing contretemps surrounding a police officer’s controversial remarks to a woman about her attire. The remarks, seen as sexist, had feminists crying foul. In the article, I asked Susan Walsh of Hooking Up Smart (HUS), and Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon.net for their thoughts. Walsh and Marcotte are ideological opposites — Marcotte is one of the leaders of today’s feminist movement; Walsh believes that Marcotte and her ilk’s contemporary feminist doctrine is dangerous and counter-productive. After linking to my article on HUS, a war raged in the comments section, in which anti-feminist rants from men abounded. Naturally, Marcotte supporters were in the minority.  One battle in particular pitted some poor gal named “Stephanie” against everyone else, and although I disagree with her position, I give her credit for taking the time to understand contrasting viewpoints. As of press time, there were 370 comments and that number will likely grow until Walsh’s next blog entry.

Like many of Walsh’s posts that deal with feminism and modern-day sexual mores, my piece clearly hit a nerve among men. As Rebecca Traister once wrote in a Salon.com review of Maureen Dowd’s contentious book Are Men Necessary?: “You only touch a nerve by telling a truth.”

The truth in this case, I believe, is a very real burgeoning discontent among men today with the feminist movement.  While it’s difficult to know if the comments within Walsh’s post are representational of the larger male population, it would be disingenuous not to acknowledge a growing resentment, restlessness, and frustration that, contrary to what some may argue, does not seem to be operating at the fringes. In fact, it’s a sentiment that seems to be growing daily and in large numbers. Men are angry. And I suppose they should be.

In a recent article entitled Why Men Are in Trouble, which I also mentioned in a recent piece I wrote about the supposed sexist remark of Senator Scott Brown, author William Bennett offers insight into why this may be the case.

“The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60 percent of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50 percent, by 2006 it was 43 percent. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women’s earnings grew 44 percent in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6 percent growth for men. In 1950, 5 percent of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20 percent were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.”

Additionally, in 2008, men represented 93 percent of all workplace deaths, even though women were responsible for 43 percent of all hours worked, and about 95 percent of workplace suicides in that same year were committed by men. Single men constitute about 60 percent of the homeless population.

Men are the ones now crying foul about countless topics: the divorce court system; Title IX; gender quotas; loosened employment physical standards (e.g. firefighters, police officers, military personnel, etc.) for women but not men; confusing dating mores (is it no wonder they’re running in droves to the Seduction Community?); male gender bias in school systems; disingenuous domestic violence numbers; misleading wage gap statistics; derailment of stimulus money for “testosterone-laden, shovel-ready” jobs. (On the topic of domestic violence: I’m beginning to see more and more examples of female on male violence. Just look at reality television, for instance. Shows like Teen Mom and Jersey Shore show frequent examples of this sort of abuse. In the case of Teen Mom, one of the female leads was arrested for her actions, but when Jenni “JWOWW” Farley attacked Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – see video here – nobody seemed to bat an eyelash. Compare that collective indifference with the headlines sweeping the nation when Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was hit by a man – see video here. How many examples of female on male violence are actually reported, anyway? And finally, God help me for knowing those fist-pumping delinquents’ names by heart.)

A blogger named “Byron,” a frequent commenter on Walsh’s site and an eloquent one at that, sums up the growing disillusionment in a different way. In his personal blog, he writes: “We cannot apply identical expectations to both men and women, as men and women are, by definition, different. If you have a law or a morality that is very easy for 50 percent of the people to live under and very hard for the other 50 percent, it isn’t a fair law, and it isn’t a healthy morality.”

If the pendulum of gender equality once swung all the way to one side it’s now perhaps well on its way to the other.  I’m truly thankful to the Suffragettes of yesteryear, who, frustrated with their social and economic lot in life, helped women make tremendous gains. I’m truly thankful to the feminists who helped pave the way for equal pay and equal rights and equal opportunity. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a woman who has been a college professor for 35 years. She told me that when she first started teaching, a couple of the male faculty members at the college where she worked asked if she wanted to join the faculty wives club. “I sent my husband,” she said with a Cheshire Cat grin. While not the most abhorrent of statements and probably not intended maliciously, I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to those days (although watching this guy live would have been fun).

I can’t help but wonder, though: When it comes to the present day, as men’s bitterness grows and women’s progress continues at the expense of men’s, has the fairer sex gone too far? Are we now committing the sins that we spent years admonishing men for?

Men sure think so. They argue misandry is on the rise.

The anti-misandry movement, however, is also on the rise, bubbling just below the surface of mainstream reporting. Type in the word “misandry” into a Google search, though, and all sorts of articles and book titles appear. On YouTube, there are hundreds of videos dealing with the subject. Websites and blogs dedicated to exposing feminist indoctrination flourish. (This video in particular I found poignant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZAuqkqxk9A.)

Men are starting to feel like they’re the enemy. That sentiment makes sense when you come across blogs like Eve’s Daughter, in which she dedicates an entire post to listing all the ways men are rape-supporters. The first bullet point says a man is a rape-supporter if “he’s ever sexually engaged with a woman while she was drunk or high.” There go the celebrated days of Woodstock…

When I inserted myself into the hullabaloo over at Walsh’s site, I asked the male commenters the following question: “There seems to be a growing animosity and resentment from men towards the feminist movement, and it’s certainly reflected in these threads. I am curious to know: From a male POV, what could the feminist movement do to bring men on board?”

I don’t align myself with the modern-day feminist movement (although I am grateful for gains previous waves achieved), but I am curious to know from the male perspective if there’s a way to bridge what I see as an ever-growing divide – one that more and more seems to be pitting the sexes against each other rather than uniting them. Men want to be heard when it comes to these topics; they want to talk freely and openly as men but, ironically, feel that their honesty only brings tsking, shame and derision (the way women once felt or still feel, perhaps). But how can we get anywhere unless we have honest discussion? Or, in the words of blogger Byron: “How do you talk between the sexes about the differing experiences of sex?”I, for one, wanted to listen to what they had to say. Here is a small sampling of some of their responses:

Wayfinder: For me, the good in the post-first-wave feminist movement was co-opted on the academic side around the time of deconstructionism. The academy has moved past that, but feminism is still mired in the 20th century ideologies that produced it. In attempting to root out underlying ideologies behind prejudices, they became the thought crime enforcers they were trying to fight.

So, I’m not sure that the feminist movement needs men or women at this point. I think its ideology is due for being replaced with something a bit more gender-realist, something that acknowledges that there are differences between the sexes and that the women actually like it that way aren’t brainwashed.

To put it another way, feminists have defined masculinity as the enemy while simultaneously trying to ape the male-success standards. Cultures have existed that celebrated women’s achievements, but feminists discount them because they aren’t defined as male achievements.

To address the point I think you’re looking for, feminism can’t bring men on board until they stop defining male masculinity and female femininity as the enemy.

Jesus Mahoney: Way back in 2002, Shelby Steele wrote a great essay for Harpers entitled :The Age of White Guilt: and the disappearance of the black individual” about the Civil Rights Movement in America, and I think that much of what he says there can be applied to the Feminist Movement equally well.

I’m sure you can find a link to it somewhere, but the gist of the article is that a political movement that demands recompense for grievances (i.e. a movement of people playing the victim card) robs the individuals that comprise that group of their personal power, and therefore cannot achieve anything of lasting value.

In short, insofar as battle against racism has been won at all, it’s been done by black individuals who have shown their worth in society, not by black groups shouting for freedom and equality.

In short, people should stop jockeying for political power and start reclaiming their individual power.

If women want power, they need to start living lives of power instead of complaining about being victims.  In other words, they have to display their value to society instead of just screaming about it.

In short, Feminists must have been snoozing through high school English while their teachers were exhorting them to “show, don’t tell.”

LAVAL, France — “When the rights of some women progress, the rights of others take on a new light and then all of humanity starts to move.”

These words hung in the center of an exhibit entitled Rendons nos droits universels, or Let’s Make Our Rights Universal, which was on display this month in Laval.

It was organized by Femmes Solidaires, a national women’s organization in France, as part of a month of human rights events organized by the many international solidarity associations in Laval.

The exhibit advocated for equal treatment of women around the world and in France, with panels detailing injustices that occur against women in many realms, including political, personal and professional life.

Femmes Solidaires, founded during the French resistance during World War II and specially recognized by the United Nations, aims to inform the public about the injustices and inequalities that women face.

Their goal is to defend “the fundamental values of secularism, diversity, equality for the rights of women, peace and liberty,” according to their annual report.

Michèle Huard, 67, an active member of Femmes Solidaires, expanded on the subject of feminism, and explained her own views on the subject.

“For me, the two most important things are secularism and equality before the law,” she said.

Huard, a retired nurse who has traveled widely, said she has experienced the condition of women in China, Turkey, Northern Africa Canada and elsewhere in Europe.

“I find that in France, even if it’s not perfect, it’s a type of model, even if it’s far from being perfect,” she said.

For her, the key to ameliorating French women’s condition is to have equal legal rights.

She said she believes fundamental differences separate men and women, thus legal equality is the sole playing field on which equality can be achieved.

“The only thing necessary to improve in France is that women have the same rights as men, which is to say, the right to vote, work, etc. After that, everything else is a nuance.”

To elaborate, Huard explained the concept of laïcité.

“It’s the separation of the intimate realm from that of the exterior, in particular for us, the religion. That is part of the intimate realm,” Huard said.

While laïcité can be strictly defined as secularism, the French employ the concept more broadly to distinguish between what they consider appropriate for public versus private life.

“A laïc person can have a religion, but that religion should not interfere with the public realm,” Huard said.

For her, problems arise when religion enters the public sphere.

Huard said religion’s interference with legal rights is what has prohibited women’s rights from advancing, in France and around the world.

“For us, the separation of church and state is what has evolved things for us as women.”

Huard said she vividly remembers participating in the feminist movement in France during the 1970’s, a movement whose roots she attributes to the more secular culture of England and the United States.

Concerning religion, Huard offered the example of Islam in France, which she said poses an imminent threat to equality.

Huard, describing herself as agnostic but from a Catholic tradition, said she believes all religions, especially Judaism, Christianity and Islam, teach that women are in need of male supervision.

“For me, all religions have commanded that women are in need of a guardian,” she said.

For this reason, Huard said she supports the recently-passed French law which bans the Islamic veil in public.

“I believe that Islam is a very strong religion, and Muslims are very religious, even those who do not practice, who call themselves laic. And I believe that if we let this continue, the more moderate Muslims will find themselves dominated by the extremists, and that becomes dangerous,” she said.

Huard said in making this decision, she was torn between a woman’s right to dress how she chooses, and what she sees as the stifling restrictions of religion on women.

At the same time, she insisted that in their private lives, women should be allowed to behave as they choose.

Huard, the mother of three children and wife of a retired postal worker, said taking care of her children or serving coffee to her husband does not belittle her stature as a woman, as long as she has the freedom to choose.

She chose to continue her career while raising her children, and though she supports working mothers, Huard said she understands mothers who put their professional lives on hold for the sake of their family.

“I always have a sense of guilt that I did not devote enough time to my children because of my education and career. I have that in the depths of me,” she said.

Huard said since women and men are created differently, they will always have separate roles.

“A man is not disrupted by his period each month. It’s not the same thing. We are more subject to our hormones,” she said.

At the same time, she said this should not inhibit men and women from having equal, albeit different, rights.

In France, women have the right to at least 14 weeks of maternity leave. In 2002, a law was passed giving men the right to time off when their child is born: 14 days.

Huard said this example is an anomaly, and most other laws favor men.

In the 1950’s, women and men did not have equal rights after a divorce, and as a result, women were often sent to jail for adultery.

Other reforms instituted in the second half of the twentieth century include shared responsibility between husband and wife as head of the household, and more equivalent salaries. Women gained the right to the same educational opportunities, and could have bank accounts and jobs without the consent of their husband.

French women gained the right to vote in 1944, and birth control and abortion was legalized in the 1970’s.

“In France, when you think just about the laws, we say to ourselves, good, we have the right to abortion, to take care of our own bodies, we say to ourselves there have been a enormous advancements. [But] in what is actually going on, it’s not necessarily true,” said Huard.

In addition to the exhibit, Femmes Solidaires participated in a silent march against domestic violence towards women.

At the march of silence, men and women of all ages protested against all types of violence against women.

Jacques Marie, 59, of Laval, said he knows both men and women who choose to ignore the topic of domestic violence.

“It’s useful to show that this exists,” he said, speaking of the march.

“I am concerned, and I am trying to plant my little seed, to try to advance things,” he said.

Claudine Roche, another member of Femmes Solidaires who attended the march, said in order for the condition of women to improve, women need to take an active role in the political arena.

“It’s necessary for women to be present in political organizations and hold political office,” she said, so they can prove their capability in the public sphere.

Julie Geslot, 22, of Laval, was one of the few young women present at the march.

She said she participated because she thinks it is important to unify with others to defend the rights of women around the world.

The goal, she said, is equality between women and men.

“The same rights and the same consideration, no matter our habits, religion or age,” she said.

Huard expressed a similar opinion, but said because of innate biological differences, women’s situation will always be more difficult.

Still, she said laïcité is the key to legal equality, and the only way to give women an equal chance in society is to separate their private lives from what they are capable of in the public sphere.

For this reason, she said, she will continue to work with Femmes Solidaires for the rights of women in France and around the world.

“I always come back to laïcité,” she said, “but maybe that’s just a utopia. But I come back to it because I say to myself, there’s not a reason to stop trying.”

Capcom’s Lost Planet 2 features deep character customization that extends beyond males and into the waters of femininity.

In the game’s latest trailer, we get a look at the ferocious women Snow Pirates of Lost Planet 2 and all the hell they’re capable of wreaking upon enemies in the game.

Also, a pleasant reminder is in order. Capcom’s “Kill Big” charity event is happening now. If you want to kill for a cause, enlist today, in the game’s multiplayer demo, available on Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network right now.

Edit: video won’t embed here, take a look at it on Capcom’s blog.

What do men want?

That question creates a myriad of responses from men, ranging from sex to blowjobs to food.  Most women, unable to just come up with an answer, run to their best friend, the latest glossy magazine, or the newest book, hoping someone will have finally solved the mystery.  Rhonda Ricardo, author and columnist, went straight to the source: men.

"When my friends come to me and ask me what they should do, because they feel like their men are going to leave them, I don’t know what to say, because I don’t know their man.  But I tell them maybe Mike or Ken or Lucas or Marco have something to say that would help," Ricardo said.

Ricardo interviewed over 100 men.  Their stories fill her book, Cherries over Quicksand.  These men relived their recent relationships to Ricardo, revealing what they really want in a woman and what things they can’t stand.

Clarence had a girlfriend who constantly used baby talk in the bedroom.  He told Ricardo it turned him off, and he left his girlfriend because of it.  Clarence was one of three men in Cherries over Quicksand who expressed concern over baby talk.  Ricardo wrote that baby talk remains a mystery to her.

In order to write the book, Ricardo approached strangers, armed with her society column from The Californian/ North County Times. "I’ll show them my column so they know I’m not picking them up.  I did go to the most handsome men in the room, because it’s more fun," Ricardo said, laughing like a friend might over a glass of wine and gossip.

Because of her fianc©’s racing career, Ricardo traveled around the country, giving her a chance to meet a diverse group of men.  Ricardo said 90 percent of the men had a story.  "They tell me the things they wish they would have told their woman.  Some of them had tears in their eyes," Ricardo said.

The things the men missed about the women they left were surprising, according to Ricardo.  "It wasn’t all physical things like you’d expect.  One man said he missed her happy morning sleepy face.  I just love that one," Ricardo said.

Ricardo said most of the men hadn’t been as forthcoming to the women in their life, as they had been to her.  "Women take it the wrong way when men are honest," Ricardo said.

Not a fan of being preached at, Ricardo said she tried to just tell the men’s stories.  She said one of her favorite stories presented an analogy for women to understand how to communicate with men:

George was a successful business man who thought he was happily married.  His wife would tell him that she was lonely, but he ignored it.  One day she told him to leave.  Eight years later, he told Ricardo that he wished his wife would have hit him with a truck or, as a less violent option, put her foot down and demanded that he spend time with her instead of working so hard.

"Women need to hit men with a truck, figuratively of course, because men think women are just talking.  They don’t take women seriously," Ricardo said.

Valentine’s Day can be stressful on a relationship, according to Ricardo.  She said this was true especially this year, when money and time are tight for most people.  Ricardo suggested women take their men to a car show.  "Men like anything with cars.  Do something with cars, and they’ll never forget it," Ricardo said.

She also suggested a calendar.  She said to write out people’s birthdays and anniversaries and to update each other’s schedule regularly.  "It’s respect, and saying, I don’t want you sitting at home, when you could have made plans with your friends, if I have plans to go out," Ricardo said.

Most men want the same things, according to Ricardo.  After talking to a diverse group of men from all over the country, she said their feelings about women were fairly universal.

"Men want a woman they can’t live without and women want to be that woman," Ricardo said.

About a year ago I did an interview with a prominent Canadian journalist named Olivia Ward. Months before the interview she had written an article that named the 10 worst countries in which a woman could live. Our interview focuses on the troubles women face in various countries around the world, namely in Iraq.

I asked her about the situation in Iraq and how the lives of women have changed since and as a result of the American invasion. We also talked about the Democratic Republic of Congo, Pakistan and the then-recent UN Security Council declaration regarding sexual violence being a war crime.

Take a listen, Olivia is a seasoned Canadian journalist and a respected authority figure on global women’s issues.

As a photographer, Kate Engelbrecht is like a fly on the wall. She shoots spontaneously, capturing fleeting moments in time. Her passion for photography began in her early twenties while working in advertising in New York. There, she saw beautiful images for ads as they floated in and out the door of her firm. Soon after, Engelbrecht left that job, began shooting, starting her love affair with the camera.

She fell into wedding photography and later moved into working with families and children. Approaching the family portrait as a documentary, rather than in the traditionally stiff, posed manner, Engelbrecht was able to create cohesive images that told a story. This experience created the foundation for The Girl Project.

Englebrecht wanted to create a captivating coffee table book, but needed an equally captivating subject. She found it in her fascination with the growing media content focused on teenage girls. She was curious to discover if what she was seeing on television, in shows like "Gossip Girl" and "The Hills," was indeed accurate. and if today’s teenage girls were being correctly represented. She had a sneaking suspicion they weren’t and wanted a truer portrait. She needed to discover what could have gone so terribly wrong, or perhaps catch a clearer glimpse into the culture of today’s American girl.

So, about two years ago, Engelbrecht purchased 5,000 disposable cameras and sent them to teenage girls ages 13-18 across the country, asking them to simply document their everyday lives. The only guidelines were to take honest pictures, with parental consent of course.

When asked about the kinds of pictures she received, and what was most surprising. "The most shocking thing is that there is very little shocking material at all,” Englebrecht said. “One of the most important findings was how innocent these girls actually are, which is easy to forget with all of the images that are out there in the media now." The candid images were introspective, innocent, and serious in a most revealing way.

Along with the disposable cameras, Engelbrecht sent out questionnaires for the girls which were initially created to double check herself and make certain she read the images correctly. The words and sentiments the girls sent back far exceeded simple questionnaire answers and took on a life of their own. Engelbrecht plans to use snippets from these as text in her book.

"There is a lot of beautiful candor in these questionnaires that is really, really touching," she said.

Touching indeed — so much so, that Englebrecht has said that her goal for "The Girl Project" has totally changed. A coffee table photography book will not be enough. She said needs to add some narrative, so that the girls’ stories and perspectives are conveyed through both words and images. She is now actively pursuing the concept of a traveling exhibition.

Professionals are professionals because they have studied and mastered their craft. There is another interesting aspect, however, particularly when it comes to photographs. Englebrecht has proven that sometimes the most honest and truthful images can come from the innocent and untrained eye. No special lenses, lighting, angles or direction was needed. These girls just pressed a button and created a raw snapshot of their own lives.

The project has evolved immeasurably in two short years. Starting with a friend’s two daughters, Englebrecht has now had girls from every state take part, and even has a large presence on social media sites like Facebook.

When asked if she may ever undertake a similar venture with teenage boys or even adolescents from across the world, Engelbrecht responded with bright anticipation.

"We are all living very similar and very different experiences," she said.

Who knew that the trick to better sex for women was … balls? That’s right: regular old kegel exercises are a thing of the past thanks to some new Australian gadgets.

Meet your two new friends: the stainless steel vaginal barbell called the PelviBar, which looks like a funky stainless steel dildo and has three levels of increasing challenge to those ever-so-important pelvic floor muscles, and PelviWeights, a mini version of something you might see someone lifting at a gym. The PelviWeights are meant to be externally attached to …ahem… vaginal balls, exercise accessories for you-know-where.

So what’s the big deal? The products intend to help women and their partners get more pleasure from sex, but that’s not all: the Pelvic Floor Exercise website claims that strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can also help with incontinence and preparing for and recovering from giving birth. Oh, and the PelviBar is dishwasher-safe.

The PelviWeights are based on a method used by a Russian mom who has earned the Guinness Book of World Records’ title as the proud owner of the worlds strongest vagina. She claims to be able to lift over 30 pounds with her vag! Incredible? Yes. But not impossible! Get started, ladies!

These and other pelvic muscle exercise products can be found here.

NATICK — No, this is not your favorite sex position, but keep reading anyway. “Girl on Top” is best-selling author Nicole Williams’ new book about how to reach those career goals you’ve had since you quit scanning bananas at the ‘Basket and moved out of your parents’ house.

“No,” says Williams, they are not impossible — in fact you already know the rules. Williams’ book takes the tried-and-true laws, rules and truths of the dating world and applies them your career. Why? Because you should go after your dream job the way you went after that yoga instructor who moved in next store. She explains, for example, how the old "don’t give away the milk for free" mantra your mom used to whisper in your ear while you slept pertains to landing your dream job. Miller says that it’s just as important not to make yourself so available when hunting for a job as it is when hunting for a mate.

"Just like our tendency is to throw out the rule book and call, and call, and call, and call the super hot dude you can’t help but imagine is ‘the one,’ you’re going to come across the job, the boss, the client you can’t imagine yourself living without, and it’s exactly here where you need play the game," Williams says on her website.

Williams was at the Limited store at the Natick Collection last night. Over 100 women attended to network, sip free wine (yeah, they gave out red wine in a clothing store. Stupid, or genius?) and enter a raffle for a $250 shopping spree to the store. Early arrivers also left with a gift bag that included Tarte eyeliner and a super cute makeup bag. But the highlight of the evening was Williams’ motivational speech and a killer fashion show. Williams was witty and frank — just like her book. If you’re looking for a new outlook on the old job hunt, Girl on Top may just be what you need. Either way, you’ll totally be brushing up on those dating tips.

So does her advice work? That’s up to you find out. We’re ready to give it a shot.

Every now and then, as every freshman psych student finds out in Psych 101, researchers spend lots of money to reach a conclusion that makes you go, “No, duh.” Nevertheless, they’re still important to conduct because every now and then, you’ll reach an unexpected conclusion. Or they’ll be about sex, and everyone likes to learn about sex.

This time, researchers collaborating between Germany, England, and Florida have found out that men are interested in casual sex no matter the attractiveness of the female asking them out. No more surprisingly, women are much more apt to judge the attractiveness of the person approaching them and are less willing to accept a sexual invitation should their suitor be unattractive.

The experiment was conducted via a questionnaire at three different colleges where the subjects were told to “vividly imagine” a slightly unattractive, slightly attractive, or very attractive person approaching them and asking them to “go out on a date” “come back to my place” and “to sleep with me.” The full results are below, but essentially men were willing to accept any of the three requests no matter the attractiveness of the person approaching them. Sixty-five percent of the men were willing to sleep with even the slightly unattractive female.

Women, on the other hand, were not as forgiving. Only half the women accepted the invitation to even “go out” with the slightly unattractive guy. Heaven forbid he ask to her to come back to his apartment or to go to bed with him”"women accepted these invitations only 13 and 5 percent respectively.

Perhaps most tellingly, yet least surprisingly are the differences in responses between the males and females. Men wanted to get laid. Depending on the attractiveness of the female approaching them, men agreed to sleep with them between 65 and 83 percent of the time. Women, however, were only willing to sleep with the men who asked them out between 5 and 24 percent of the time.

Scientifically, this supports other observations that men tend to be much more sexual and really want to get laid while females tend to look for “good genes” in their potential sexual partners. But what does this mean for your every day life?

For the guys, look at yourself in the mirror because you’re probably not as attractive as you think you are, and the girls probably won’t even want to date you if you’re moderately attractive. Harsh, I know, but I didn’t make the rules. Girls “" and I realize I’m running a fine line giving you advice as a male “" do you think you could cut us a small break from time to time? Sometimes all we need is a bit of sex. Do you have to judge us so harshly?

Even if we knew what the results of this experiment would have been before it was ever conducted, it’s always interesting to be able to put numbers on every day life, even if it means that all men are skanks and all women are out to make us feel like crap.

Men may generally be considered more tech savvy than women, but a new study shows that these days, women know gadgets, and its the men who are behind the curve.

A new study conducted by Retrevo, a company that matches consumers with compatible electronics, found that although men are confident about the latest gizmos, women are actually more astute when it comes to deciphering tech lingo and devices.

“There’s a myth that men are more technical than women,” said Andrew Eisner, Retrevo director of content for Retrevo. “Now we’re finding in consumer electronics that more women are carrying the ball.”

Debunking the long believed myth, only 17 percent of women who were asked what “1080p” meant answered incorrectly, while 25 percent of men did so, according to the study.

1080p is the abbreviation for a high definition video mode.

Educational programs like the Women in Technology Project, at Vermont Technical College, are committed to encouraging young women in middle school and high school to study math, science and technology. (Media credit/Vermont Technical College)

The study revealed that only 55 percent of women consider themselves “extremely tech savvy”, while a whopping 79 percent of men believe they are.

More women than men in the study knew that “MB” stands for megabytes.

This new trend may affect who the industry targets, according to Vipin Jain, president and CEO of Retrevo.

“Every single component of the CE industry has been affected by the recession and is trying to figure out how to make money in the new economy. Our Gadgetology report suggests that women might be the answer,” he said in a statement about the study.

Indeed, the study also found that more women than man would give up caffeine over their computer.

Said Eisner, “Anecdotally we hear about women being the keepers of the camcorder and camera and the laptop.”

Although Retrevo found that more women than men think tech jargon makes it more difficult to shop, the data clearly show that those same women are buying and using gadgets at least as much as men are.

“Advertisers would be very wise to direct advertisements at women,” Eisner said. “So go get ‘em.”

At first glance, Juliette Frette looks like a typical Playboy Playmate: clear skin, long blond hair, and gigantic breasts. Frette began working with Playboy four years ago doing occasional spreads, which eventually evolved into her participation as a full-on Playmate. Last year she was named Miss June, and she currently travels around the country doing promotions and showing off her phenomenal body.

“Playboy has provided me with a lot of opportunities,” she said, boasting that she often gets to travel overseas as well. What most people probably don’t know about Frette, though, is her reasoning behind working with Playboy.

“When I did my first project with Playboy it was to write about (it) for my senior thesis project,” said Frette, 25. A women’s studies major at the University of California, Los Angeles, Frette wanted to write about her experience with playboy to examine the way women are portrayed in the media and how it affects their empowerment.

Frette considers herself a feminist, an artist, and a writer.

Her most recent endeavor will combine two of these aspects as she begins her position as the national women’s issues columnist at Examiner.com.

“I’ll be addressing pretty much anything that relates to women’s well being. That could range from health to political issues,” Frette said about the column, and added that her main purpose is to provide “better awareness about women’s issues and hopefully clarity on those issues.”

“I’d like to make people think about issues that haven’t been brought to light enough.”

The seemingly contradictory nature of Frette’s position doesn’t bother her. She recognizes that it’s unusual but called it the whole package. “That’s just who I am,” Frette said. She even sees her connection with Playboy as possibly being a positive thing for the column.

“Playboy might facilitate extra traffic to the page. Anything that can get people to read about important issues is a good thing. It’s kind of an interesting perspective I guess to present to a large audience. There are a lot of playmates that share my views but don’t really have the chance to present themselves as feminists so I’m glad I have the opportunity to do this,” Frette said.

Frette found a position at the Examiner while freelancing for other magazines. At first she took a different position, but after some discussions with the editors, decided that writing for the women’s issues column would be a better fit for her. Frette is excited to spread awareness and hopefully pose some new questions regarding women’s issues. She also welcomes feedback from readers about topics and opinions. “If it seems like an interesting suggestion, I’ll write a column about it,” she added.

Another hidden side of Frette is her artistic nature. She loves to paint particularly but said she loves to “create” anything. Frette’s website showcases some of her creations. “That has actually taken a backseat to my writing recently,” Frette said. “I feel that concentrating on more than one kind of art at once is very draining.”

In addition to her column, Frette also plans on publishing a book based on her senior thesis project at UCLA, which was called “Posing for Playboy from a Feminist Perspective: How Media Images Impact Women’s Empowerment.” It focuses on her feminist interpretation of her experiences as a playmate.

Her personal experiences and studies, Frette believes, will greatly assist her in giving advice and analyzing issues. Her first piece of advice for women? “Don’t worry about how practical a job or a college major is. If you chose something that might be profitable it’s just going to lead you down a road that you won’t enjoy. Create your own path.”

Juliette Frette has done just that.

The 2009 Penthouse Pet of the Year is Taya Parker.

It was going to take a lot to best Mississippi-native Erica Ellyson, who we showed you last year.

You can be the judge. Parker was actually on the cover of Penthouse in January 2008 when we showed you Ellyson. It looks like she beat out 11 other ladies throughout the rest of the year.

Parker is 28 years young, 5’0″, 32D-23-33. She’s from Ohio and likes to live the quiet life when she’s at home. But she says that she never turns down a martini and loves her stiletto heals.

“I’m a perky, small-town daddy’s girl with a little attitude. I love to laugh. I always give people second chances (and sometimes third). And I’m always the life of the party,” she says on her website. “For me, there is no such thing as the ideal man. I like a guy who goes after what he wants, who has a goal and ambition. If I’m the goal … make it happen!”

TV Land has unveiled a gorgeously 40-year-old Arizona realtor named Stacey Anderson as the centerpiece of their new series “Cougar” that will pair her up with 20 eligible twenty-something men vying for the chance to tame the wild cougar.

As the show’s back story goes, for years, Anderson has believed that society has placed a double standard on women who date younger men. So she’s taking to the air to prove that age is nothing but a number.

“Stacey’s dating experiences have led her to believe that men her age and older live under the pressure of a “ticking clock,” which dampens their spontaneity and zest for life,” TV Land said in a statement. “Essential to Stacey’s personal success is her upbeat optimism and zeal, which have not been tainted by life’s adversities. She believes that younger men have the same spirited zest for life, a demeanor Stacey finds crucial for her future love interest to possess, a love interest that she plans to find on ‘The Cougar.’”

Here are some photos of Anderson, who enjoys volunteering, hiking, swimming and playing tennis and golf.

She’s also rich. In her first year in the commercial real estate business, was ranked in the top 1 percent of realtors nationwide for sales over 50 million dollars.

The eight-episode series is hosted by Vivica A. Fox and premieres April 15 at 10:00 p.m.