Jess seduces Oliver (True Blood's Ryan Kwanten) into an out-of-character one night stand on Valentine's Day.

The collective anxiety of my fellow twentysomethings in anticipation of this Valentine’s Day was downright disturbing. More than any other year I can recall, the rebels and the traditionalists fled to Facebook and Twitter to voice their grievances. Either those in relationships devalued those who were single, by overemphasizing their good fortune, or single folk devalued the holiday so that those with valentines would feel as though their festivities were trivial. I’d imagine February 14 and the surroundings days are the therapists’ busy season (aside from the winter holidays) because it’s sickening how much weight is put on the perceived stability of our love lives. The message is: no one bought you chocolates or flowers on this designated holiday, well then you are less worthy of personhood! You actually celebrate this inane occasion? Then you’re unworthy for playing into romantic notions that only exist to increase profits for the floral and greeting card industries!

In any case, the discourse surrounding Valentine’s Day had been largely antagonistic. Tonight’s “New Girl” tackled the overriding sentiment that romance, however fleeting, is required on this arbitrary day. Each of our pals deal with it in strange yet characteristic ways that ensured authentic laughs by marrying the insecurity of the holiday with the neurotic and ego-driven tendencies of the roommates. Jess’ game plan for avoiding sorrow and reflection is to “look for some strange” a.k.a willing participants in a one night stand. Schmidt steps up as her coach and prospective wingman in avoiding attachment. Despite Nick’s general apathy for the holiday, he and Julia (Lizzy Caplan, again) set out to embrace the holiday that has scorned them with a typical night out. Winston, agrees to a night-in with Shelby since he’s walking on eggshells repairing the damage his former arrogant baller self caused.

Jess’ pursuit of a hit-it-and-quit-it ended up a stroke of genius that forced Zooey Deschanel and the writers to explore how she adapts to the quirks of others. True Blood’s heartthrob, Ryan Kwanten, plays Oliver, a man so dumb and dull that his most common conversation piece is tacos. Jess tells Schmidt she’s hit the jackpot, because zero bond is established between them aside from physical attraction. But a Lemony Snicket-ish series of unfortunate events unfolds, foiling Jess’ efforts to satisfy her “dirty twirlies” (a Jess-ence phrase meaning she is horny).

The convoluted scenario starts to take shape when Jess requests Schmidt drive Oliver and her to his place (neither of them drove to the bar). Initially reticent, Schmidt obliges. At Oliver’s place, Schmidt gets sucked into watching a movie, but eventually extricates himself, only to find his tires have been stolen by “youths.” Cece (of course Jess’ supermodel friend) calls him, frustrated with her boy toy, Kyle, who’s tripping balls off a slice of pizza topped with shrooms. Schmidt then asks Cece for a ride, so she swings by. In a somewhat shocking turn, Oliver’s ex (and roommate) appears, fuming over his makeup session with Jess. Vulnerable and seeking revenge she kisses a shirtless Kyle shortly after he, Cece and Schmidt arrive much to Jess’ chagrin. When Cece tries to separate her man from this unstable woman a catfight ensues. Thus, Schmidt and Cece and out-of-this-world high Kyle leave for the loft. I’m sure reading that was as exhausting as it was to watch. There is comedic payoff sprinkled throughout, but it struck me a bit like a scenic route to arrive at the twists to come…

Nick shows up at Julia’s office to pick her up for dinner reservations, but she’s deeply entrenched in her work. Despite his disappointment we get to enjoy the company of Julia’s intern, Cliff (Clark Duke). Duke fits seamlessly into this cast, delivering many awkward gems as he acts on his wildly apparent attraction to his boss. Another rewarding side effect of Nick’s waiting is the reveal of his life immediately post-law school. Needless to say, it’s L.O.L.L-worthy, involving dressing in drag, so, win. Unfortunately for Nick his story’s personal epiphany that he didn’t want to work for someone else his whole life encourages Cliff to quit, inciting Julia’s half-hearted attempt to win him back: “Cliff, no! We’re gonna start paying you so soon.” This stunt sends Nick to the doghouse, but he earns his way back into her good graces by incorrectly organizing her papers and their mutual appreciation for each other comes to the forefront. It’s a big step for them, realizing that this inconsequential celebration meant something to him. Julia also channels Jess by donning assorted Valentine’s headgear, recalling her reluctance from “Jess and Julia” where her discomfort with cuteness was a major point of contention.

Winston also gets his not-according-to-plan evening when he is surprised with a girls’ night at Shelby’s apartment. Realizing that his tolerance of the evening could pay dividends as he tries to prove his mettle as a suitor, he endures even offering her friends decent, albeit silly, advice: “Seriously, Tia, you do not wanna be with a man who has fancier underpants than you.” A universal truth I’d say. At any rate, Shelby apologizes for the night not meeting his expectations, but she confesses it to be a test, a slightly spiteful one too. She reminds Winston of his dick-ish actions on Valentine’s Day 2008 where he stood her up. Ashamed, Winston wonders whether or not he deserves a second chance, but Shelby affirms him saying that here he is getting one anyway. The door then literally closes on her resentment and implications of naughtiness ensue.

The wrap-up to the Jess/Schmidt fiasco is messy, yet satisfying. Jess leaves early when Oliver starts to cry over his ex who watches them makeout while munching on his beloved tacos. Jess helps them reconcile (I mean, duh), Skypes with his grandma in Hawaii briefly (okay…) then returns home. Schmidt subsequently instills some pearls of hookup master wisdom, saying Jess doesn’t want a stranger she wants someone she knows who won’t make it weird, who she can leave in the morning without being sucked into the horrors of a post-coitus brunch. Jess connects the dots, realizing Schmidt would be the ideal candidate according to that criteria. I thought Schmidt was too obviously manipulating her into sleeping with him and that Jess should not have been so swayed, but I suppose her “dirty twirlies” make her do crazy things. So she grabs her “hundy pack” of condoms (a hell of a sight gag), about to knock on Schmidt’s door when Nick starts her calling her out on her absurd behavior. She understandably retreats, but behind his bedroom door it’s revealed that it would have been a fruitless endeavor because SCHMIDT AND CECE ARE TOTES GONNA DO IT!!! I found it believable as Cece’s inexplicable attraction has been alluded to for some time now, and with Kyle off in outer space she was vulnerable and geared up for sex.

Overall, the conclusions to the respective romances felt earned and gratifying. If Jess had hooked up with the “True Blood” hunk, it would have felt too easy. Plus, I like that she was pushed to act out of character, but going through with the act would have been asking me to believe her Jess-ence wasn’t so firm. Also, what better way to depict her desperation for Valentine’s physicality then giving in to Schmidt. Cece made perfect sense, especially when you consider their mutual affection for the book, “The Phantom Tollbooth” (see L.O.L.Ls). Nick and Winston were beat for beat solid too. Both encounter obstacles that were deserved, and showed off their better qualities to weasel their way into their woman’s arms.

The successes didn’t entirely overshadow the mental claustrophobia though. I know as a holiday, the episode serves as a novelty, but I’d caution the series about “too many cooks.” Great guest stars also bolster this episode into comedic excellence as the night felt well-rounded in its joke material. The standout lines ranged from pop culture references to character oddities to more off-beat Nick back story to situational hilarity. I’d say “New Girl’s” efficiency was exemplary, utilizing V-day for story momentum and stylized laughs. For softening the blow of singles anxiety, that this wretched yet cutesy day inevitably conjures up, with an at times unsettling and frantic, yet strikingly effective rendering of what happens when we put our hearts on the line, “New Girl” becomes the benefactor of my holiday spirit. I’m spreading the love for this contender to the crown of best episode yet with a A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- “I don’t go out on Valentine’s Day…it’s like a Dominican teenager playing Little League, it’s not fair for everybody else.”

- Cliff to Nick, on his hot boss and Nick’s girlfriend, Julia: “I would take that to Pound Town, make her visit the boneyard”

- “We’re actually gonna meet up later. He says he has a surprise for me.” “Spoiler: it’s his penis.”

- Schmidt’s desert island books: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Machiavelli’s The Prince, Freak by John Leguizamo, any script from season 1 of “Vampire Diaries” and The Phantom Tollbooth.

- “I’m here with two other girls drinking cranberry juice talking about Michelle Obama’s upper body workout.”

- “It’s a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere.” Schmidt’s pronunciation of “youth” is priceless.

- Cece’s boyfriend tripping on a tire swing at the park: “I love brown people!” Cece’s curt response: “That’s racist, Kyle.”

- After dropping out of law school and getting heartbroken Nick reacted as such: played guitar in a ska band, gambled a lot, spent a weird week in a blonde wig demanding to be called Sandy Ferguson, and traveled to Mexico to enter into a cockfight…as a human

- Cliff on his plans now that he has quit his job as intern: “I’m gonna drive till I see the sun. And for once I’m gonna spend time with my birds. Boom.” Boom indeed, Cliff. Boom indeed.

The 63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards were announced early morning on July 14 and will air on Fox on Sunday, September 18 at 8:00 p.m.

Fox’s “Glee” received a nomination for best comedy series and supporting actors Jane Lynch and Chris Colfer have been nominated as well. Lynch will also host the Emmy Awards for the second consecutive year.

The cast of “Modern Family” received an impressive 17 nominations with each adult cast member nominated. The show falls just behind “Mad Men,” with 19 nominations, and “Boardwalk Empire,” with 18 nominations.

HBO was once again the network to receive the most nominations with 104 this year. But surprisingly, the hit series “True Blood” was not nominated in any major category.

 Nominees in top categories are listed below. For a complete list of Emmy nominations please visit emmys.com

Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
Parks and Recreation
30 Rock

Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
Mad Men

Lead Actress in a Comedy
Laura Linney, The Big C
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Lead Actor in a Comedy
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Steve Carell, The Office
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Louis C.K., Louie
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Lead Actor in a Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified

Lead Actress in a Drama
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law

Supporting Actor in a Comedy
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Supporting Actor in a Drama
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age
Walton Goggins, Justified
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Supporting Actress in a Drama
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Margo Martindale, Justified

Mini-series or Made-for-Television Movie
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Kennedys
Mildred Pierce
The Pillars Of The Earth
Too Big To Fail

Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Lead Actor in a Mini-Series or movie
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood
William Hurt, Too Big To Fail

Lead Actress in a Mini-Series or movie
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Taraji P. Henson, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
Jean Marsh, Upstairs Downstairs

Reality Program
Antiques Roadshow
Deadliest Catch
Hoarders
Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List
MythBusters
Undercover Boss

Reality Competition
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef

Host of a Reality Program or Competition
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can
Jeff Probst, Survivor

Sources: New York Times and MTV

According to everyone, vampires make excellent boyfriends.

Fans of “Twilight”  believe that Edward Cullen is Prince Charming, and “True Blood”  fans think Bill Compton is the perfect gentleman. This apparently gives all vampire boyfriends permission to get away with things that would land a normal human boyfriend in jail, and with good reason.

When you look at it objectively, vampires actually make terrible boyfriends. They’re pretty much the worst possible choice of boyfriend. Vampire boyfriends do things that, were they not supernatural, sexy creatures-of-the-night, would easily be defined as abuse, manipulation, assault, and even attempted murder.

Take away the “vampire” in “vampire boyfriend” and what you are left with is an abusive boyfriend and an unhealthy relationship crying out for an intervention and legal action.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the vampire boyfriends from four of the most popular modern vampire stories, and judge them by their actions, not by their hotness or the ludicrous devotion of their human girlfriends (read: battered women).

“The Vampire Diaries”

The romance of Stefan and Elena on “The Vampire Diaries” is possibly the tamest on this list. They snuggle and chat and care for the people around them. They interact normally when not faced with certain death. Neither one forces the other to go farther sexually or emotionally than they are both ready to go.

When Elena finds out that human blood will make the vegan-vamp Stefan stronger, Elena encourages him to drink a tiny drop of her own blood every day. In return, Stefan looks out for not only Elena, but her little brother Jeremy and her best friends Caroline and Bonnie as well. Aside from the whole creepy-old-man in the body of a teenager thing that all vampire boyfriends have, Stefan is actually a pretty good boyfriend to Elena. Except for two things:

1. His evil vampire brother is also in love with Elena and expresses his feelings by killing people.

2. His evil vampire ex-girlfriend is still in love with Stefan and expresses her feelings by killing people.

I’d say those are two very compelling reasons not to date said vampire. Despite Stefan’s best efforts, he proves time and again that he cannot protect Elena and the people she loves from the dangerous monsters in his life. Elena is kidnapped, beaten, intimidated, terrorized, and forced to watch as her friends and family are similarly abused… none of which would have happened if Stefan hadn’t waltzed into her life.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

Despite being tough, smart, brave, and quick-witted, Buffy has horrible judgment when it comes to men. She dates not one, but two blood-sucking fiends.

Buffy’s first vampire boyfriend is Angel, who has a soul and does good deeds to make up for his murderous past. Their relationship is equal: She saves him from impending death, he saves her from impending death, and then they make out.

When things are going just swimmingly for Buffy and her bi-centennial BF, everything goes wrong. Buffy sleeps with Angel, which causes him to revert to the soulless monster his fangs proclaim him to be. He hurts her feelings, laughing at her pain when he tells her that their tryst meant nothing to him. Then he runs around killing and terrorizing the people she loves. He even sketches pictures of both Buffy and her mother while they are sleeping and leaves the sketches under Buffy’s pillow to scare her. Then he tries to destroy the world, forcing Buffy to take him down. But just before she kills him he regains his soul, conveniently losing his memory of his recent evil spree, which means that Buffy has no choice but to thrust a sword through the heart of the man she loves (sword + thrusting = pretty much what he deserves).

As if destroying her innocence once wasn’t enough, Angel returns the next season as the good guy Buffy fell in love with. To save him from poison, Buffy lets Angel drink her blood. He over-indulges, sucking her nearly dry and putting her in a coma (Read: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE). To add insult to injury, he skips town after prom without saying good-bye.

Because once wasn’t enough to teach Buffy her lesson about dating vampires, a few years later Buffy hops into the sack with Spike (Even though he spent the last 150 years murdering people willy-nilly when he and Buffy weren’t beating the ever-living crap out of each other). When Buffy realizes her relationship with Spike is incredibly self-destructive, she breaks it off. Spike responds by attempting to rape her.

And Buffy never dated a vampire again (we hope).

“True Blood”

There is a lot wrong with Bill and Sookie’s relationship on “True Blood.” Let’s start with the obvious: He drinks her blood during sex. This leaves her with obvious wounds after a roll in the hay, which she doesn’t seem to mind. To put things in perspective: If my boyfriend left me with a black eye and a bloody lip in the morning, I’d pack my bags and call the police.

But this is all well and good for Sookie until Bill, weakened by blood-loss, needs to drink Sookie’s blood to heal. He over-indulges, sucking her nearly dry and putting her in a coma (sound familiar?). Her friends Tara and Lafayette try to keep Bill away from Sookie while she’s recovering, and rightly so, since the psychological damage is only beginning.

In season three, Sookie’s best friend Tara is kidnapped and raped by a psychotic vampire… in the same mansion where Bill is hanging out. Bill knows Tara is there. She even begs him to help her. Yet Bill does nothing to save his girlfriend’s best friend from being tortured. When Tara escapes, she tells Sookie that Bill never lifted a finger to help her. Sookie responds by being all “Oh noes, super sorry! Let’s hug it out!” and then runs back into her dead lover’s arms. She never so much as slaps Bill on the wrist for letting her best friend get raped when he could have prevented it.

So what does Sookie get upset about? Oh yeah: The fact that Bill was stalking her before they even met and conned her into forming a relationship with him so he could deliver her to the Vampire Queen of Louisiana as a tasty snack (But it’s cool because he fell in love with her and changed his mind… what?). That’s right. That special night you lost your virginity to your vampire boyfriend? For him it was all an act.

“Twilight”

Where to begin?

Edward Cullen’s worst crime as a vampire boyfriend is that he has made millions, if not billions of women long for a boyfriend just like him. His relationship with Bella Swann is abusive on both an emotional and physical level. It is this abusive relationship that has been glorified to teenage girls —children— through “The Twilight Saga.” Let’s break it down:

1. He watches her sleep, both before and after they are dating. He sneaks into her bedroom at night and he watches her sleep. This is the universally accepted pastime of serial rapists and murderers (see Buffy, above).
2. He insults her and tells her to stay away from him during their very first interaction. This goes beyond playing hard-to-get. It’s just mean.
3. He disables the engine of her truck so she can’t go visit her friend Jacob, thus restricting her movement and interactions with people other than himself. Controlling much?
4. He withholds sex and makes Bella feel bad about herself for wanting to explore the physical side of their relationship.
5. He infantilizes her. Constantly. If she didn’t have daddy issues before getting into the relationship, she does now. Edward repeatedly tells her (sweetly) to shut up and (nicely) makes decisions for her. She’s a pat on the head and a cookie away from being his puppy dog.
6. Daddy issues, part 2: Edward seems almost amused and intrigued by the fact that Bella is an inexperienced teenage girl. If you didn’t have problems with the older man issue before, you should now.
7. He says things like “You are my life now” and “I can’t live without you.” That’s heavy stuff. You might think it’s sweet, but every time he says something like that it is encouraging Bella to feel responsible for Edward’s life and well-being. One classic sign of an abusive relationship: When your boyfriend threatens to kill himself if you ever leave him.
8. He forces her to go to the prom with him, even though she is uncomfortable about going. Disregarding your girlfriend’s comfort is always the gentlemanly thing to do.
9. After making Bella totally dependent on his sparkly vamp-charms, Edward tells her they’re over and skips town (see Buffy, above). He doesn’t call, and he doesn’t write. The hurt he inflicts on this hormonal, not-yet-fully-developed child is so intense that she repeatedly places herself in dangerous situations. She even jumps off a cliff… because of Edward.
10. He alienates her from her friends. After Edward shows up on the scene, everyone else pales in comparison, including her childhood friend Jacob Black, and especially her normal, well-adjusted friends at Forks High School. Bella resides in a social vacuum. But wait, she has the Cullens, who aren’t at all creepy and weird!
11. He makes ultimatums. He will only turn her into a vampire after she marries him. Granted, she’s a fool for wanting to be a vampire, but withholding rewards in exchange for your personal desires is no way to run a relationship.
12. The morning after Bella and Edward consummate their marriage, she wakes up covered in bruises. Edward is all, “Sorry babe. Did I hurt you with my awesome vampire strength while we were boning?” (see True Blood, above), to which Bella responds “Oh no dear, I don’t mind! It was perfect in every way!” He then goes off to brood and makes her feel guilty for not only enjoying the sex, but also forgiving him. Let me make this absolutely clear: Edward physically injures Bella during sex, and yet she is the one who is made to feel guilty. I believe this is chapter two in the textbook on domestic abuse.
13. He gets her pregnant. Yes, it takes two to tango, but do not tell me that in 100 years Edward has not learned how to use a condom.
14. Realizing her pregnancy is potentially life-threatening, Edward decides that the best thing for her would be to abort the baby. Without her input or consent.
15. Edward decides with Jacob that if Bella wants a baby, Jacob should be the father. Again, the two men make this decision about Bella’s body and sexual freedom without her input or consent.
16. He makes her a vampire. This ultimately cuts her off from her parents and friends, and prevents the possibility of her going to college anywhere but darkest Alaska. Cut out the “makes her a vampire part” and you have a boyfriend who has restricted her access to family and education forever.

So, is Edward Cullen Prince Charming, the perfect boyfriend, or Mr. Right? The evidence suggests otherwise.

Why do these vampire boyfriends get away with abuse and assault? Why is their behavior romanticized and excused by millions of fans? Removed from context, they are textbook abusers. In context, they are…  still abusers. So why are vampire boyfriends so desirable? The world may never know.

Oh, and bring it on, Twihards.

ABC starts its now thriller “Happy Town” tonight at 10 p.m. WE tv has the premiere of “Sunset Daze” — which is like “Real World” with old people

The only finale tonight is “High Society” on The CW at 9:30.

MTV has its new series “Downtown Girls” about girls in downtown New York City premiering June 1 at 11 p.m.

HBO will please fans of “True Blood” when it puts out six original online mini episodes on Yahoo! TV before the June 13 season premiere.

HBO announced a fifth season for the drama “Big Love,” giving it a 10-episode order for season five. The series, which stars Bill Paxton, begins production in the summer, and the new season premieres next winter.

FOX announced “So You Think You Can Dance” opens a seventh season with a two-hour premiere on May 27 at 8 p.m.

Syfy picked up the rights to “Merlin,” a British series from FremantleMedia. The series premiers in April. The first season aired on NBC last summer, but the second series will also air for the first time ever in the US.

Actress Brit Morgan will play Debbie Pelt, the psycho ex-girlfriend of Alcide in HBO’s “True Blood.” Emily Rose, from NBC’s “ER” will star in the new Syfy drama “Haven” based on Stephen King’s “The Colorado Kid.” Rose plays an FBI agent who comes to a small town in Manie to investigate a murder. Supernatural stuff happens.

I think we can all agree that this season of HBO’s True Blood is leaps and bounds ahead of the last one. If season one was a top shelf bottle of True Blood A Positive, then season two has been the blood connoisseur’s version of a perfectly aged Merlot.

Sunday night’s season finale (ominously titled after Bob Dylan’s “Beyond Here Lies Nothin’”) left viewers with a cliffhanger”¦ as usual. Sure the good guys won and defeated Maryann the clawed, immortal maenad. Yes, the town is back to normal, free from supernatural mind control, and blissfully ignorant of the madness that recently ensued. But what about Bill?! The season finale set up plenty of problems that need solving and questions that need answers for season three.

In the final scene, Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Sookie (Anna Paquin) go on a romantic date to a French restaurant. Right after dinner, Bill proposes. But overcome with emotion, she rushes to the bathroom to compose herself. Just when she’s sure of her answer, she returns to the empty dining room. Bill is nowhere to be seen, and there are signs of a struggle. So the main question is: Who took Bill Compton and why? And how is Sookie going to get him back?

Meanwhile, back at Merlotte’s Bar, Eggs (Mehcad Brooks) struggles with the revelation that he is responsible (because of Maryann’s mind control) for all the murders that took place in Bon Temps. He confronts Detective Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) with the murder weapon to confess, and begs Andy to lock him up. Unfortunately for Eggs, he never makes it to the jail. Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) sees what looks like Eggs threatening Andy with the knife, and shoots him in the head. Just when we thought Tara (Rutina Wesley) had a chance at happiness in love, we’re left with the sight of her sobbing over her boyfriend’s body.

Aside from all the juicy action and surprises in the season finale, dedicated True Blood might have noticed a little something extra. Near the end of the episode, Charlaine Harris, author of the original Sookie Stackhouse novels, can be seen sitting at the bar, talking to Sam (Sam Trammell).

Will the town find out about Jason shooting Eggs? Will they remember what happened to Maryann? Have we seen the last of the evil maenad? Who are Sam’s parents, and are they really the “bad people” his stepmother claims they are? And why is vampire Queen Sophie Ann forcing Eric to sell vampire blood?

About season three only one thing is certain: There will be blood. And Southern accents.

Shoot son, I can’t wait till next summer’s season three premiere of True Blood! Catch up on all the recent episodes at HBO.com/TrueBlood.

Don’t let him fool you. He might say he wants to do bad things with you in his powerful single “Bad Things” (from HBO’s “True Blood”), but the truth is Jace Everett is a real gentleman. It’s hard to imagine him doing bad things with anyone, unless those bad things involve his unique brand of Nashville country rock. In fact, he’s more likely to lend a friend a helping hand, or charm this reporter starry-eyed.

Everett’s brand new album, Red Revelations came out on June 23 from Weston Boys Entertainment, and I’ve been listening to it ever since. An impressive vocal range and driving bass lines make the album immediately ear-catching, from the sultry opening track “Posession” to the hip-swaying “Lean Into the Wind” to the final track “Bad Things.” It’s an album full of stories, both playful and dark. Some songs will get you tapping your feet to the rhythm and getting down with your bad self, while others will make you want to pour yourself a tall glass of whiskey and take a trip down memory lane.

While listening to lyrics like, “I talk like a junkie but I pray like a saint down here on my knees” I got to wondering just what the man behind the music was like. Fortunately for my curiosity, I got a chance to talk to the carrot-topped Nashville musician about his new album and live performances, and he had plenty to say.

BLAST: I’ve been listening to your new album “Red Revelations” recently, and it’s totally addictive.

JACE EVERETT: Thanks very much. That means the world to me. I appreciate it.

BLAST: Can you tell me about what was going through your head when you recorded the album? What inspired you to write the songs that you did?

JE: Oh God, we don’t have that much time! I started writing this record last spring and basically the feeling was that my career was over. It started from desperation. There was a lot of dark stuff going through my head when I initially got started. And then the “True Blood” thing happened, where they used one of my old songs as the theme song for the show, and that inspired me to look at some other avenues for writing. I got in contact with a hero of mine, Chuck Prophet out in San Francisco, and I just badgered him until he would write with me. So I went out there and wrote some songs with him. Before you know it I had 15 or 20 songs and thought, well I must have a record here! I don’t know what all was going through my head: There was frustration at so many things but also that little glimmer of light somewhere on the horizon.

BLAST: Does the title, “Red Revelations”, have any special meaning?

JE: It does. It’s kind of a misread of a lyric on the record. There’s a song called “One of Them” that has these crazy distorted vocals and the last verse says, “I read Revelations chapter one until the end”, and that’s R-E-A-D. Then I came up with this concept”"I grew up really religious as a kid”"about who that character in that song is. We don’t know what he is: We don’t know if he’s a vampire or if he’s become a Born Again Christian, or if he’s an alcoholic, or what’s happened to him. But he’s slowly losing his tether to reality. And I just thought it was kind of a cool title for the album. The world seems so apocalyptic right now and‚  red is of course a color of danger and fire and all that jazz, so I thought, well, red revelations is kind of what this record is about.

BLAST: Let’s talk a bit about your background. Who are your biggest musical influences? How did you initially discover them?

JE: Honestly, the person who got me turned on to music as a kid was Willie Nelson, who has never been reflected in my music. I don’t do Willy Nelson, because you can’t. It’s kind of like doing Bob Dylan. But “Red Headed Stranger” was my favorite album of all time , a record he made back in the 70′s. That’s what turned me on. But I went through all the phases anyone went through: I loved KISS, I still love U2, I’m a big Tom Waits fan, I love‚  Bob Marley, I’m into Miles Davis, I like Jay-Z a lot. I’m kind of all over the map. I’m the kind of guy that listens to about eight or nine albums a year because I like albums. I buy an album and I listen to it for two or three months straight. My influences are varied, but I don’t know how much any of them show up in my actual music.

BLAST: How did you learn to play guitar and write music?

JE: I haven’t yet! I’m still working on it. I’m not a guitar player’s guitar player, that’s for sure. I’ve been a professional bass player for many, many years and worked with a lot of different people. Nobody in my family is really musical. My grandfather plays guitar, but he’s the only one in the family who really played, so I just kind of took to it. I don’t really know why. I sang before I spoke as a little bitty kid, and it’s always been the one thing that I come back to no matter what.

BLAST: Switching tracks a bit: Your mentioned your single “Bad Things” is the music for the opening credits of the HBO series “True Blood.” Do you watch the show?

JE: I don’t have HBO. I’m a poor man and a cheap bastard. But I just ordered HBO yesterday, so I will be watching it at home from now on. Embarrassingly enough I’ve been driving to my parents’ house an hour away on Sundays to watch “True Blood.”

BLAST: Do you think the song is a good match for a show about vampires in the Deep South?

JE: I think it’s brilliant! (laughs) I put that song out in 2005 on a country record, and the country audience was less than impressed. They wanted nothing to do with it. When Alan Ball discovered it and decided to use it, it was really humbling. Alan Ball is a creative genius and for him to choose my song for something he wanted to put together was a huge blessing. I think it’s really cool. I think the visuals those guys did with that song are at least 50% of what makes it cool. Those visuals are really unsettling, and I think it’s really great. It’s certainly not a huge credit to me”"it’s a credit to a whole lot of people who put their heads together.

BLAST: How does it feel to know that millions of fans are singing along to your song every Sunday night when they tune in to watch the show?

JE: It’s great! Being a guy who’s trying to make a living, I’m hopeful that people who love the track will transfer that onto my new music and I hope that it’ll draw them in. But even if it doesn’t”¦ shit, I write songs and I yell into a microphone! There’re far more talented people than me that never had this opportunity so I’m very grateful for it and it’s a huge honor.

BLAST: Back to the album. The opening track, “Posession”, is incredibly sultry, and it has a great bass line. It really makes me want to dance. In fact, a lot of the songs on the album are dance-worthy. This is my question: when you write your songs, do you intentionally make people want to get their groove on?

JE: Not intentionally. More than sexuality, sensuality is what I’m kind of into as a person. So that permeates what I do musically. And I am a bass player, so even though I didn’t play bass on the record (it was a buddy of mine, James Cook), I wrote a lot of the bass lines, and I’m really into the bass and how that interplays with the melody. I’m a typical musician: I don’t like to dance in public. The truth of the matter is, when I was a kid I knew all the Michael Jackson moves. Now I’m just old and insecure so I won’t dance a lot, but I love dancing. I think it’s one of the most intimate and cool things people can do together.

It could be said that the hip world of the undead has moved from the zombie horde fad that populated the last few years back to the blood sucking, easily sexed-up vampire scene. With the “Twilight” movies and books being the new midnight release craze, “True Blood” getting the green light for season two, and the popularity of the “Underworld” series, blood suckers are in when it comes to creatures of the night.

Coming out in the middle of the vampire chic craze is the live action adaptation of the manga/animated series “Blood: The Last Vampire,” the story of a half vampire, half human girl named Saya and her quest to hunt down the demon known as Onigen, an ancient evil that is responsible for killing her father.

In order to do this, she teams with an organization simply known as “The Council,” a group of black tie spooks led by the rough voiced veteran known as Michal. Noticing a large vampire/demon infestation in Japan, the council has Saya go undercover at an American Air Force base in Tokyo where she befriends repressed military brat Alice McKee.

Despite the generic plot of the movie and the not so pristine run of anime-turned-live-action flicks, “Blood” is a surprisingly entertaining time. This is mostly because of how much the film embraces its style over its substance. The entire movie used a manga-like pacing and framing to get the effect of the crossover to work. The lighting is never natural; instead it’s either pitch dark, electric red, or perpetual twilight in order to fully push the current scene’s mood.

The story’s backdrop also allows for multiple visual options. Being that the main location for the story is an American military base, based in Japan, in the early Vietnam era, all these cues show up. The soundtrack rings with old rock and roll of Buddy Holly and The Surfaries. The military grunts are all eerily similar looking to give the sense that something is very wrong with the setting while the hippy youth gives a good comparison with their flared looks. Saya dawns the classic skirted Japanese school girl look throughout the movie while the setting moves to the mountain forests of Japan to give it a classic Samurai vengeance theme.

The acting in the movie varies. Gianna Jun, who stars as Saya, trips over a few of her more clichƒ©d lines, but isn’t anything hard to watch. Alison Miler plays a decent sidekick in the Alice role, though the character herself is slightly useless to moving the plot along. The main baddie demon is played by the long legged Japanese model turned actress Koyuki, who moves cold and smooth through all her scenes, fitting her “devil with class” role.

The spooks of The Council take the movie, especially Liam Cunningham portraying the veteran Michal. Cunningham spits out every line in an unnatural scripted way, which would be a deterrent if he wasn’t supposed to be a faceless black tie agent bent on killing demons and keeping quiet about it. His robotic, gravelly voice fits his role like a glove and he may be one of the best black-tie agents seen in the theaters in quite sometime.

“Blood” suffers from its budget more than anything. The graphics are mostly cheap, Sci-Fi Channel original movie level, the fight scenes are mostly quick cuts and cheap tricks with light rather than anything impressive, and the poor blood effects are covered by the one line fix, “demon blood is different than human blood.” The demon forms of the vampires are terrible computer graphics which could have been left out without the film suffering at all.

All in all, “Blood: The Last Vampire” is a cool movie. Following in the steps of “Dick Tracey,” “Sin City” and “Watchmen,” it is a style-over-substance comic interpretation which may not change your view on life, but will get a few good wide eyed moments out of you.

Season two of the HBO original series “True Blood” started last week, and you should really be watching it. Not just for the romance between vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and psychic waitress Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), and not just because it’s about vampires. Make no mistake: “True Blood” is not your little sister’s “Twilight.” It’s got action, intrigue, plenty of steamy scenes, Southern charm, creatures of the night, Anna Paquin, a guy that turns into a dog, and enough blood splatter to make a Jackson Pollock painting jealous.

You should be watching it, and here’s why:

1. The supernatural. Vampires have come out of the coffin. They walk among us (at night). They drink synthetic blood at our bars. They’re dating the girl next door. And they’re not alone: voodoo witchdoctors, psychic waitresses, and people who turn into animals are all regular cast members.

2. Bon Temps, Louisiana. When’s the last time you heard of a vampire story set in the deep South? New York City or Sunnydale, California, maybe. Transylvania, definitely. But Bon Temps, Louisiana? Shoot son, that’s what I call original! In a small town where everyone knows everyone, when strange things start happening around Merlotte’s Bar, rumors spread quicker than wildfire. Plus, the setting makes for plenty of Southern humor and Cajun accents.

3. The opening credits. Jace Everett’s country single “Bad Things” will have you singing along and getting down with your bad self every week.

4. Love Triangle meets unrequited love meets star-crossed lovers. A decent tragic romance is a hard thing to find. So when you get a triumvirate of tragic love archetypes all on the same show, you can’t take your eyes away. In summary: Bill and Sam both like Sookie, who is interested in both Bill and Sam, but then she chooses Bill, leaving Sam loveless and alone, and unfortunately Bill is a vampire and Sookie is a human so theirs is the ULTIMATE FORBIDDEN LOVE, mostly because he wants to EAT HER and she is BLONDE AND PLUCKY. Yeah. “It’s Complicated” on Facebook.

5. Beefcake. There are a lot of attractive men on this show, and a lot of shirtless scenes (it’s hot in Louisiana, ok?).

6. Cheesecake. Poor Anna Paquin. What a homely girl. And that Rutina Wesley”¦ too bad about her face. All kidding aside, both leading ladies are strikingly beautiful. Paquin’s pouty lips and Wesley’s gorgeous gams could keep anyone (girls included) tuning in week after week.

7. Tara Thornton. From the moment she said, “This ain’t rude, this is uppity” I knew it was love. Possibly the most honest (some would say foul-mouthed), confident (some would say cantankerous) young woman to ever grace the airwaves, Tara (Rutina Wesley) is Sookie’s best friend and confidant.

8. Jason Stackhouse’s clueless face. To look that devoid of intelligence, that often, to that degree of comedic effect, is pure acting genius.

9. Lafayette. Much of the show’s strength lies in its supporting cast, and Lafayette “" a cross-dressing, drug-dealing, no-nonsense short order cook at Merlotte’s Bar “" is no exception. If you see nothing else of “True Blood,” watch Lafayette’s AIDS burger monologue from the first season. You’ll think twice about stiffing your waitress.

10. Vampire Bill’s string quartet. Always just off-screen, but working hard during both steamy scenes and the scary bits, Bill’s string quartet is one of the best parts of the show. I’ve never seen these musicians, but I know they exist because of the haunting cello line that pops up whenever our leading vamp-man is on screen.

If this doesn’t convince you, try it for yourself. The next episode of “True Blood” airs this Sunday night on HBO, right after the sun goes down, 9 p.m.