Dear Neely,

Sincerely,
Lover Boy, Boston, MA

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: The amount of time you’ve been with someone is a factor, but try thinking less about WHEN you should say I love you and more about WHY you want to say it and you will have your answer.
• 54 seconds: There are 3 times when you shouldn’t say I love you. Tune in to hear what I have to say.
• 2:07: When you can feel really good about saying I love you.
• 2:47: A lot of times women are advised to let the man say I love you first. I explain why.
• 3:25: It should be less about gender and more about your motive for saying it.
• 3:45: The worst that can happen is that the other person doesn’t say it back but if you were saying it for the right reasons, at least you stayed true to the honest feelings you had. See this Seinfeld clip for George’s dilemma:

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Q: I’m a 26-year-old nice guy who really wants a girlfriend. Trouble is I feel as though women today don’t want nice guys. I see some of my guy friends treat women like crap and the women keep coming back to them. Unbelievable. Do I have to become a jerk to meet someone? Seems rather depressing.

Sincerely,
Nice guy reconsidering, Boston

Takeaway points:

• 34 seconds – Stay true to who you are! You don’t want someone falling for someone you’re not.
• 44 seconds – Definition of nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful, not a pushover.
• 57 seconds – Most women don’t respect a man who they can take advantage of
• 1:10 – SECRET most guys don’t know about nice guys: Tune in to find out what it is.
• 2:22 – Nice guys can find a balance. You can still be nice, but take charge a little bit when out there dating, so the woman isn’t always calling the shots.
• 2:40 – Observe other men who strike that balance between being nice and remaining desirable to women. Those are the men you want to emulate.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Hi Neely,

Sincerely,
Upset by 180, Brighton

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: You are not alone!
• 55 seconds: Don’t beat yourself up over this. And try your hardest not to overanalyze the situation. You may never know what happened and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
• 1:50: Once you get back out there and start dating again, I promise you will find someone new with whom you have amazing chemistry and you will forget all about this guy.
• 2:00: When it comes to dating – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Hi Neely,

- Desirous of Alpha male, Boston

Submit your questions to neely@blastmagazine.com!

wireimage.com

Despite his recent Daddy drama, Justin Bieber is a respectful boyfriend.  During a recent interview on Power 105.1, the pop star explained the dinner he planned for girlfriend Selena Gomez in the middle of the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

“It was my idea,” Bieber said, according to the New York Post. “She was talking about wanting to see ‘Titanic’ again because she hadn’t seen it since she was a little girl.  We were fighting a little bit, so I just really wanted to take her somewhere special.  We had dinner in the middle of the Staples Center.”

Although the DJs poke fun at him, Bieber said. “You got to treat a woman right.  Girls like when you just do spontaneous things.”

The young star also defended his reasoning for not jumping on sexy stars like Kim Kardashian.

“Why would I let something so amazing slip away?” he said to the DJs.

What he lacks in years, Bieber has in swag.

Okay . . . I’m the person every woman loves to hate. I’m the Mistress.

Most women don’t want to think about me. They want men to realize their inevitable part in the scheme of things. That is, to honor their role in the relations between the sexes: after a look around among the women available, choose one, put a ring on her finger, and get on with basic plan. Don’t cheat.

As the alternative to this basic plan, or perhaps as an addendum to it, I don’t mind telling you my secrets for romance, in spite of the fact that I’ve rarely been the mistress of married men. Because I have been privy to the confidential confessions of what women have done to men – both as wives and girlfriends – to drive them either to boredom, or completely away, I will write an anatomy of the problem and the solution to a true romantic interlude.

Here is the wild ride of confidential abuse I have been privy to: “She used to pop pimples on my back when we were making love,” “If we had a party, she would show up thirty minutes late (also a time line for nights out) and I would have to entertain or wait,” “I only got a blow job three times in our marriage – and the last time was the night before I was served with our divorce papers,” or, my favorite, “Sex was so Goddamn boring – I just couldn’t crack the code . . .”

This may sound outrageously simplistic. I am just a mistress after all. The reason men love me? I will tell you. Before I go to meet any one of my lovers, I have one thought in my mind: Please let me please him.

Here is the Valentine’s Day formula — and it may not be as simple as it seems. As a mistress, I have always spent serious time thinking about my lover and all the things that really make him happy as the man I know him to be. So can you.

You know the man you’re about to have Valentine’s Day with. Forget the suggestions from magazines and popular self help manuals. Why should you take their advice? You have the inside line to what makes your lover happy. Remember the time he irritated you by being distracted by that football game while you were skimpily clad in a come-and-get-me outfit ready for romance? Guess what? Football turns him on.

Let me backtrack a moment and redefine what Valentine’s Day means to me. It is an opportunity to unselfishly give pleasure to the man in my life who makes me happy. I never think twice about whether it will be worth my while because of two things: I love to see the look on his face when I have guessed that thing he will love correctly. And, just as importantly, when he wants to pay me back, I know exactly what he can do to make me happy. I am a realist – I don’t expect a titan of industry to guess that I would love a trip to Paris. A pair of earrings is fine. I don’t expect a poet to buy me a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Poets are good for written tributes I will have in my scrap-book forever. I also don’t expect to be recompensed for the effort I put into Valentine’s Day (which they may have forgotten – or may have to postpone for a day, because they are one of a number of my men) to be repaid on the spot. I am always confident that “what goes around, comes around.”

Between the sheets, there is one rule of thumb: a man is never really happy unless he feels that when he has made love to a woman, he has made her happy. Forget this at your peril. On Valentine’s night do whatever you must to ensure that you, too, are going to enjoy the touch of the man you’ve chosen. Don’t let him get too drunk. Don’t forget to let him know that he’s better than anyone else at doing those little things he does to turn you on. Praise inspires — and men have been created to please us. Just reinforce the plan!

Ladies, what I’m saying is this: If he’s worth it, let Valentine’s Day be an opportunity to love him for who he is. Gear your conversation to the things that interest him. Give yourself over to those sexual pleasures that tantalize his taste as much as your own – after all, it’s only one night! If you love him, wouldn’t you want to spoil him once a year? Don’t worry about getting good value out of the effort you put into what you give. You’ll get it – I guarantee.

I assume I am writing to women who are selfish enough to want good value from every relationship they put their time into. I also assume that when you women go out to find men worthy of your time, you know what you want and go after it romantically with a “no holds barred” attitude

. . . and isn’t that what men love about you?

Happy Valentines Day!

Going out for a romantic meal is always a treat; it’s something out of the ordinary, a perfect excuse to slip on a little black dress, order a couple of fancy cocktails, devour scrumptious course after course and top it all off with a decadently rich dessert. But while we can all appreciate the pleasure that accompanies a wonderful meal out on the town, there’s something particularly special and possibly even more romantic about a meal that’s prepared with love and tenderness in the comfort of your own home. What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than with a romantic dinner at home? The ultimate statement of affection, if done right, a romantic dinner at home can also be something quite out of the ordinary, perhaps a brand new reason to put on that little black dress and indulge.

When selecting the perfect menu for this romantic meal, it’s important to keep in mind that the whole point of a Valentine’s dinner at home is to be comfortable, to relax and to fully enjoy the meal you have prepared and the company of the person you love. Slaving over the stove the entire night or worrying that the chocolate soufflé you have baking in the oven might fall should you set your wine glass down too hard pretty much drains all romance out of the equation. So rather than attempting to whip up the most intricate recipe or the most delicate of desserts, choosing a main course that is at once delectable and stress-free, a dessert that is sweet and simple, and a bubbly cocktail to wash it all down is definitely the way to go.

Delicious bowls of Beef Bourguignon (Media Credit/roland via Flickr)

My guide to a romantic Valentine’s dinner at home starts with the perfect main dish: Beef Bourguignon. Hearty and soul satisfying, this wine-rich beef stew is loaded with earthy mushrooms, smoky bacon and sweet pearl onions. I have two favorite recipes for this classic French dish: one is the ever-so-famous Boeuf a la Bourguignonne from Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” and the other comes from Food Network star Ina Garten’s “Barefoot in Paris.” Whether you follow one of these recipes strictly or pull elements from the two, it’s pretty much impossible to mess this one up.

The ingredient list includes diced bacon, cubes of beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, garlic, red wine, tomato paste, beef broth and, of course, butter. The essential preparation involves rendering the bacon, sautéing the vegetables in the fat, adding the beef, stock, and flavorings, and letting everything marry together in the pot. Each recipe has its own nuances, but the end result is the same: a thick, rich, meaty French stew that is as easy to make as it is to devour. Best of all, it tastes even better the day after it’s been prepared. Simply pull this masterpiece together the day before Valentine’s Day, allowing it to simmer for about one to three hours on the stove or in the oven so that all of the flavors can meld together and the beef can become perfectly tender. On Valentine’s Day night, heat it on the stove for about 30 minutes before serving it. While the stew bubbles way on the stove, sit back and relax. Served with a thick slice of sourdough toast rubbed with garlic, or some buttered noodles to soak up the beautiful sauce, Beef Bourguignon is the ultimate Valentine’s treat.

To wash down this decadent meal, a light and bubbly cocktail is the perfect complement. Champagne or Prosecco mixed with elderflower liqueur, a splash of tangy grapefruit juice and a sprig of mint is an elegant drink that does not compete with the flavors in the dish. These other romantic cocktail ideas, courtesy of Turning Leaf, are easy to make and are fun alternatives to the typical glass of wine.

Turning Leaf Ruby Red Spritzer

Ruby Red Spritzer

2 slices ruby red grapefruit
1 ounce pineapple juice
3 ounces ginger ale
3 ounces Turning Leaf Chardonnay

Combine grapefruit, pineapple juice and chardonnay in a pint glass with ice. Cover and shake well. Pour into desired glass and top off with ginger ale.

Romantic Red Sangria

1 pint cherries
1 pint raspberries
1 pint strawberries
Bottle of Turning Leaf Merlot
1 liter of black cherry soda

Place cherries, raspberries and strawberries in a large pitcher.  Pour in merlot and let stand at room temperature for about one hour.  Add black cherry soda. Serve over ice.

Turning Leaf Romantic Red Sangria

For dessert, I recommend something on the lighter side to round out this rather rich main dish. I always enjoy a bowl of frozen yogurt, Greek yogurt, or vanilla ice cream served with roasted fruit. You can use halved stone fruits such as peaches and plums drizzled with honey and cinnamon, or chunks of pineapple sprinkled with brown sugar and cracked black pepper. Place the fruit in a baking dish (cut-side up for the stone fruit) and pop into the oven at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes or until the fruit is soft, bubbly and caramelized. The fruit can be placed in the oven right before serving the main course, and will be hot and ready to eat as soon as the stew has been devoured. Spooned over a cold scoop of ice cream or yogurt, this fruity dessert is a refreshing end to a hearty meal.

Preparing a romantic Valentine’s dinner at home like the one I’ve just described is almost as easy as making a reservation at a fancy restaurant, not to mention a whole lot less expensive. So rather than bundling up and braving the cold weather only to share a meal with 50 other couples who are sitting on top of you, why not try something new for a change? Show your special someone how much you care by preparing a homemade feast, and indulging in a relaxing, love-filled evening right in your very own home.

For years, lovers have given generic and boring gifts to their significant others on Valentine’s Day.  Collections of drugstore chocolates, cheap perfumes and colognes and crappy “romantic” candles that are said to set the mood have become a rut that gift givers turn to.

In the spirit of the new year, we at Blast suggest that a new standard be set for Valentine’s Day gifts. Boston establishments such as Beacon Hill Chocolates, Condom World, Sweet & Nasty and LUSH Cosmetics raise the bar for Valentine’s Day with their unique, fun gifts that put a spin on traditional choices.

Beacon Hill Chocolates

91 Charles St.
617-725-1900
www.beaconhillchocolates.com

Forget that heart-shaped box of cheap chocolates! On the brick streets of Beacon Hill lies aptly named Beacon Hill Chocolates, a gourmet chocolate store that prides itself in its unique keepsake gift boxes and artisan chocolates.

The company, which will be celebrating its fifth birthday this April, imports rich chocolates from chocolatiers in Belgium, France and a local business in Natick, Mass., called Cocoa Pod.

Rebecca Novak, the manager of the store, said that the big seller for Valentine’s Day this year will be the handcrafted keepsake boxes. Chocolates for Valentine’s Day may not be original, but with these decorative decoupage-style boxes designed with vintage postcards, lithographs, illustrations and photographs, customers can mix and match any type of chocolate truffles they want.

“It’s personalized,” Novak said. “You can’t find the boxes anywhere else.”

Out of the hundreds of artfully crafted truffles and painted hearts, Novak personally recommends the heart-shaped Cognac Caramels or the Brownie Bite Truffles. Other special items to look out for include the Caramel Sushi, Salted Caramel Fudge and the over-sized Chocolate Conversation Hearts.

It’s advisable to place custom orders a week prior to Valentine’s Day, especially for the fresh chocolate-covered strawberries that will be available this year.

Condom World

332 Newbury St.
617-267-7233
www.condomworldboston.com

Upon entering Condom World, the popular X-rated store on Newbury Street, the first thing that stands out is a swaying clock designed to look like two cows “doing the nasty.”

Mike Morrison, the store’s manager, thinks that couple-related products will be the best sellers this year for Valentine’s Day.

“Love is in the air and we’re a sex shop,” Morrison said.

Rather than look at items that are separate for men and women, Morrison motions towards products that couples can use together. Items such as vibrating rings, edible body lotion and lube, dirty dice, books of “coupons” that merit sexy activities such as “one hot bath together,” and body paint pens allow for shared Valentine’s Day gifts.

Various other items around the store include Kama Sutra books, naughty costumes and masturbation items for those who are celebrating the holiday alone.

The wall-length stretch of vibrators and dildos may be intimidating at first glance, but the fun, hands-on nature of Condom World gifts goes unmatched for Valentine’s Day.

Sweet & Nasty

90 Massachusetts Ave., # 90A
617-266-7171
www.sweet-n-nasty.com

Looking for a sweet treat besides the usual box of chocolates? Take the train to Hynes Convention Center and buy a couple of chocolate penis pops from Sweet & Nasty erotic bakery.

Niki Novak, the owner of Sweet & Nasty, dove into the erotic bakery business in October of 1981 and has been going strong for 30 years.

When visiting her sister in New York, Novak had her first penis cake experience and it was about as appetizing as corrugated cardboard.  This served as a springboard for Novak to open her own erotic bakery with naughty goods that tasted great.

All the big sellers for Valentine’s Day are edible, such as G-strings, booby tassels, handcuffs and anatomically correct body parts.

“It combines chocolate, sex and love,” Novak said, describing the essence of her work.

The light-hearted humor behind the Valentine’s Day gifts from Sweet & Nasty replaces the typical serious romance theme of the holiday. Lovers may not wish to propose to their significant others with a chocolate mold of two pigs “making bacon,” but it’s items like these that show that some thought was put into the gifts.

Novak says it’s typical to hear customers say, “This would be perfect for so and so” or, “Oh my God, this is so gross.”  She explained that the most disgusted customers end up making the final purchases.

Anyone who wants some Buxom Bettys or Bite-Sized Tit Pops should place orders sooner than later.  Two to three days prior to Valentine’s Day at Sweet & Nasty can only be described as a mob scene.

LUSH Cosmetics

166 Newbury St.
617-375-5874
www.lushusa.com/shop

Perfume and cologne are one of the many generic “go-to” gifts for Valentine’s Day.  If anyone is considering the gift of scent, the one store on Newbury Street that you can smell from a block away is calling out to lovers this year.

LUSH Cosmetics is the candy land of homemade bath bombs, soaps and all that smells wonderful.

Sarah Hewitt, the manager of the Newbury Street location, says that one of the best sellers for Valentine’s Day is the Sex Bomb bath bombs.

“Sex Bomb is the ultimate sensual bath bomb,” Hewitt said.

Items such as Sex Bomb and the limited edition Valentine’s Day products are better than ordinary perfumes because they are made of natural aphrodisiacs that set the mood for the holiday.

Some of the limited edition bubble bars, bath bombs and soaps that are sure to sell out quickly are Magic Mushroom, The Ex Factor, Frog Prince and Love Birds.

Gifts from LUSH can range anywhere from $4 to $200.

Popular scents that Hewitt recommends are vanilla, chocolate, rose and jasmine.  These scents can be found in many of the massage bars, and not only do they smell good, but they lend themselves to romantic back rubs.

LUSH’s soaps and unique fragrances can replace the cheap cologne gift as well with scents like Demon in the Dark, Ice Blue, Sea Vegetable and Karma.  The masculine scents smell lovely without being too overpowering.

If you find yourself single and sad, grab a Blackberry bath bomb and spend the holiday smelling bergamot, a natural anti-depressant.

If a movie can tug at your heartstrings, "Charlie St. Cloud," attempts to yank them out with pliers, relentlessly, for the full, tidy 90 minutes.

Adapted from the novel "The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud," by Ben Sherwood, this tame, supernatural romance, in which Zac Efron talks to cute dead people, features a high school graduation, a plucky single mom, a scrappy athlete, a young man sent to war, a young child in peril, thwarted ambition, thwarted romance and grieving of every kind, all over a constant swell of strings instructing you to go ahead and let in the pain.

Efron is St. Cloud, a golden boy who races sailboats (yet is mysteriously said to be poor) by a beautiful island said to be off the coast of Massachusetts, (although it is strangely mountainous for eastern Mass.). His sailing prowess has won him a scholarship to Stanford, but he throws it away when tragedy strikes. St. Cloud blames himself for the sudden death of his adorable younger brother Sam (Charlie Tahan). In a constant state of penance, he defers his acceptance to college, taking a job overseeing the grounds of the town graveyard, and taking daily trips a secluded spot in the woods, where he believes he is meeting with Sam to keep the promise he made before the tragedy, to teach his little brother to throw a baseball.

St. Cloud’s fall from grace, his morbidity, and his isolation, have given him a reputation with many of the townies as a kook, while his dreaminess and lack of availability have made him a legend among the local teenage girls. When hot young sailboat racer Tess (Amanda Crew), traipses through the graveyard to huddle in a cleavagey heap by the grave of her father, St. Cloud has to pull himself together to try to win her heart, even if it means risking his sacred mourning rituals. When Tess becomes a damsel in distress, the stakes get higher—he must really pull himself together, and really risk.

"Charlie St. Cloud" features some beautiful and genuinely romantic pictures of the Vancouver locations offered up as small-town New England. It also has some charming actors, most notably, the very funny Charlie Tahan, as young, Sam St. Cloud. But this movie is what it is: a brazen, unadulterated schmaltz bomb hurled toward teenage girls: the "Twilight" market. I overheard one, as I left the theater, say that she "cried within the first 10 minutes." I felt like crying too, but for different reasons.

OK so you have lots of sex.

Boston is the second best city for singles, according to Forbes. That means, even if you’re not in a long term relationship, odds are you’re getting it on at a pretty regular rate. Yeah you!

Now that we’ve established that, let’s get things clear. Men: You’re no experts. You, hair-gelled, condom-always-in-the-wallet, love-to-flash-the-business-card guys are no experts. And you women: You “only-cleave-shirts-in-the-closet, lube-by-the-bed, Cosmo-devotee girls are certainly no experts, yourselves. And since we here at Blast are either one or the other, we’re not experts either. But a second opinion always helps, right?

So, Blast is here for you. Introducing “Sex Rx.” Ask us anything about sex, relationships, dating, etc. Comment with your questions below, or email sexrx@blastmagazine.com. We promise not to use your real name.

Don’t be embarrassed! Stay tuned for the raunchy, racy and romantic (hey, we have a soft side, too). Your Sex Rx is on the way!

By the way — The column is totally anonymous both for you and for us. We promise that both girls and guys will answer questions, and we’ll make it clear which gender is saying what.

One of the dirty little secrets of film critique is that sometimes the hardest part of writing a review is finding something to say. Sometimes the movie is so superfluous, so mediocre, so obviously destined for obscurity that, really, why should you care what I have to say about it?

Such is my difficulty in writing this review for “Love Happens” a colorless, ordinary story about love and loss in Seattle. Burke (Aaron Eckhart) is a lovelorn self-help guru who’s made a killing helping people through their grief and created a motivational brand terribly named “A-Okay!”

Of course, Burke could use some help of his own in dealing with the sudden death of his wife three years ago, which he’s never recovered from. Cue Eloise, the vibrant, “quirky” florist who fills her world with flowers and a funky turquoise van to administer off-beat healing. And, of course, cue their friends: a shlubby manager for Burke (Dan Fogler) and a beat poet radical feminist for Eloise (poor Judy Greer, who’s always the funky friend and deserves so much better).

“Love Happens” seems like a relic in this day and age — a copycat of “Sleepless in Seattle” and other Meg Ryan atrocities. The plot, the characters, the very aura of this movie is so musty and overused that it seems silly even thinking about it beyond the original viewing.

But really, what is really disconcerting is that the people who have to say the lines are so good. In the hands of a better director, Eckhart and Aniston would make a terrific romantic duo. They have the same kind of likability; the same kind of down-to-earth prettiness that makes me believe they could really be attracted to each other. It doesn’t hurt either that Camp didn’t pair Eckhart with some 22-year-old ingƒ©nue, as directors are so wont to do these days, but rather with a gorgeous a woman his own age. But neither Eckhart nor Aniston can move beyond the banality of the plot and completely unimaginative film-making.

The one aspect of this film that works is its depiction of how people experience grief. At one point an elderly admirer tells Burke that his advice to remember her dead husband’s likes and dislikes was very helpful to her. “So say hello to my Stanley!” she says brightly, opening an urn, which has been filled with oatmeal cookies made out of her dead husband’s ashes. “They were his favorite!”

Yes, it’s gross, and it’s weird. But isn’t that what grief is? There is no “right” way to deal with grief, only your way. The point is that it needs to be dealt with. In many ways, this woman’s unholy baking is healthier than Burke’s constant denial.

The other bright spot is Martin Sheen, who thankfully appears as Burke’s father-in-law. Sheen can make reading out of the phone book captivating, and he imbues his tiny role with blustery sweetness and good humor. In fact he’s the last person we see in the film; it seems even Camp knew how to exit this dour redundancy with at least one thing to talk about.

Valentine’s Day is an age-old tradition; a day set aside for exchanging love with your partner via gifts or cards. ‚ Some may argue it’s another heterosexual “Hallmark” invention but according to a current poll on lesbian dating and community site PinkSofa.com, 93 percent of lesbians embrace it.

So how do most lesbians like to celebrate Valentine’s Day and what should you bestow upon your sweetheart to keep those flames burning? According to a third of the 1,700 lesbian respondents, the number one most wanted gift was a romantic weekend getaway.

If that’s out of the budget you could always consider the next two most popular wishes. Simply some loving kisses or, for something more rigorous, a full body massage with essential oils. ‚ For those more inclined in the kitchen she’d probably be content with a home-cooked candlelight dinner, an option more favored than taking her out for a meal.

If none of the above appeal your lover, you are starting to get into dangerous waters.‚  The rest of the preferences were chosen by 5 percent or less, although it seems hard to argue with their choice, ‚ who said they would love to receive a poem written just for them.

Surprisingly a dozen red roses, a champagne bubble bath or a box of chocolates are just not going to cut it. Forget the practical approach such as a hardware store gift certificate too, that will get you nowhere. And‚ don’t even surprise her with a ring, only 2 percent of women chose that option.

So, all things considered, it seems you need to save your pennies, pack the lip balm and candles, and get your maps out to start planning that weekend trip. If you combine the top four most popular Valentine desires you will be golden.

(ARA) “" You finally met the person of your dreams. There’s just one small problem — you live hundreds of miles apart and neither of you is able or willing to move. You face the challenge of the “long distance relationship” — a lifestyle choice for about 25 million people around the world.

Long distance relationships (LDRs) are on the rise and a diverse range of people are involved. About 15 million people in the United States consider themselves to be in some form of LDR, according to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. Of those, 3.6 million are married people who live apart for reasons other than marital discord, and about 4 million are college students in some form of premarital LDR, studies show.

“Greater economic migration, online dating, the need to travel for work and increased military deployment have all contributed to the increase in the number of LDRs in our culture,” says Michelle Callahan, celebrity relationship expert, developmental psychologist and co-host of the hit reality-show competition “Queen Bees” on The N. “Commuter marriages and the concept of “Ëœliving apart, together’ are gaining social acceptance. Society has accepted long distance relationships as viable options.”

Contrary to what was once popular belief, studies have shown that long distance relationships can, and often do, succeed — at least as well as relationships in which the couples live together or live close to each other. Nor are couples in LDRs any more likely to cheat on each other than are “proximal” couples, although the LDR mates do tend to worry more about the risk of an affair, studies show.

So how do you make your long distance relationship work? Callahan offers 10 simple tips to manage long distance relationships:

1. Understand your relationship.

Don’t make assumptions about the exclusivity of your relationship. Get to know each other well and when the time is right, discuss where things are going. Try to be understanding of your partner’s needs and whether a long distance relationship is going to work for each of you.

2. Communicate regularly

Whether by phone, e-mail, webcam, etc., share the mundane and routine as well as the special and significant.

3. Use technology.

Video chat programs such as ooVoo have become best friends to those in LDRs since you can connect to anyone in the world for free. Connecting face-to-face is significantly more intimate than having a phone conversation. You can see your loved one, read his or her body language and pick up on subtle messages that can be lost over the phone or misinterpreted completely via e-mail or instant messaging. In addition to enabling you to chat live with your sweetheart over the Internet, ooVoo also allows you to record one-minute video messages to send to your loved one. Visit www.ooVoo.com to learn more.

4. Do things together despite the distance.

Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously and video chat about it after or during. Read a book at the same time. Exchange recipes and prepare meals at the same time while on the phone or on ooVoo. Parents can use video chat to read to their children.

5. Send care packages every once in awhile.

Pack it with unexpected surprises that remind them of you, like books, music, puzzles, candies, flowers, gift cards, a movie ticket or a personalized poem. The more personalized you make the gifts, the more impact they will have.

6. Remind yourself of the advantages of being apart.

That’s including more time with friends and family, no arguments over bathroom time or conflicting habits, the ability to maintain your individuality, possible financial benefits and the pleasure of seeing your loved one again after a long absence.

7. Don’t be afraid to disagree.

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship and can be healthy if managed properly. When it’s time to confront your partner, do so over video chat rather than by phone or e-mail. Written communication can be misconstrued and never taken back, and verbal conversations alone lack the visual cues needed in emotional situations.

8. Visit as often as budgets and schedules allow.

But avoid placing too much pressure on physical meetings. If a visit does not go well, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Even close proximity relationships go through peaks and valleys.

9. Be realistic.

Jealousy, over-control and drama are poison to a relationship. Be realistic — just because you can’t be together all the time doesn’t mean either of you should live in social isolation. Accept that your partner needs an active social life, just as you do.

10. Know when to call it a day.

We’ve all stayed in relationships after they have ceased to be healthy, and LDRs are especially susceptible to the problem since warning signs can be missed or confrontation avoided.

“Like traditional, close-proximity relationships, long distance relationships require hard work and communication” Callahan says. “But with modern technology making it easier than ever to stay in touch with loved ones, there’s no reason why you and your significant other can’t enjoy a very happy life together … apart.”

Courtesy of ARAcontent

Looking for a great place to rock around the Christmas tree this holiday season? Not looking to do it alone? Well, Forbes.com has unveiled its list of the 40 cities where you are statistically bound to find someone to meet you under the mistletoe.

Boston, home of Blast, was ranked lucky 7. Just barely beating New York City. To determine the rankings, Forbes looked at 40 of the largest cities in the US and ranked them according to “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles”. Although some categories might leave you a little skeptical (“coolness” was determined by a poll that simply asked “Among the following U.S. cities, which one do you think is the coolest?”), the rankings are pretty interesting. Boston seems to fit rather fairly into the number 7 slot with a population of 4,058,570, with 29.09 percent of it being single.

Amongst the the criteria for ranking was online dating and Sam Yagan, owner of OkCupid.com and CrazyBlindDate.com which has a “chapter” in Boston, would have expected Boston to rank higher.

“It surprises me a little bit. I thought Boston would rank higher, just because there are so many young singles there and it’s such an easy place to be out and about,” Yagan said. Boston is one of the most popular cities on OKCupid.com for people between 18 and 34 he explained.

“The colleges absolutely have something to do with it. People who are in school are always dating – they are living in a dating bubble -there are lots of opportunities to get together, whether it’s parties or research around campus, and they have much more flexible schedule,” Yagan added, “On the other hand, the nightlife does tend to end a little early.”

That seems to be the main downside to Boston. Young adults are willing to stay out all night, but don’t really get that opportunity with Boston’s early bedtime – unlike New York, Las Vegas , and Miami, where the nightlife never ends. Boston’s saving grace in this category is its people. The night might end early, but the quality of the company might be a little higher than in other cities according to the polls.

“I’ve been single in both cities [Boston and New York] and I run a dating sight which also gives me insight,” Yagan said, “and I think that obviously NY nightlife goes much later, it’s usually 4 o’clock before most places think about closing, but Boston is more accessible and more casual. They’re not worried quite as much about what you wear, and in NY people are more focused on flaunting their wealth.”

Michael Winter, promoter for Saint one of Boston’s popular clubs, agrees. “As far as the people go, our people [Bostonians] tend to run clubs all over the country. Our people tend to be a lot more street smart and book smart. If you go to Vegas, a lot of the nightclubs there are run by Boston kids. I think we have a smarter breed … most of these kids have college degrees to boot. We’re a lot more real.”

Bostonians are apparently a lot more cultured, too, ranking second only to Los Angeles in the ranking’s categories. The Theatre District, array of musical groups and venues ranging from The Boston Symphony Orchestra to The Paradise have a lot to offer in the way of cultural diversity.

As Mark Twain once wrote, “In New York they ask ‘how much money does he have?’ In Philadelphia, they ask, ‘who were his parents?’ In Boston they ask, ‘how much does he know?’”. Boston is a thriving city of culture and colleges and a great place to meet other singles if you’re willing to spend a little quality time in a library or cafe rather than the discos.

Ever so often we get a piece that is nice and that we love to share with the world. With the fall comes the drop of old leaves and the promise of new ones in the Spring. Like this little piece says, change is a good thing. If you read Blast and have something to share, email us editors.

Your arms.

What to say about your arms? The comfort and warmth
they gave. The habit and tolerance they eventually
came to represent.

Now, I don’t have those arms. I have no expectation,
no routine. I have no worries or concerns.

It was hard to give up those arms, that smile, those
eyes; which I came to realize did not care for me as
much as I cared back. At the same time, its nice to
meet new arms, new smiles, new eyes; that prove to me
I can be liked.

Peace at the fact that other arms can provide that
comfort and warmth, without asking for more in return,
brings me joy. Happiness over knowing that custom
shouldn’t be stronger than love, gives me hope.

Now, I can think of the past and not miss those arms.
I have new arms that welcome me, with an open heart.