Tehrene Firman is the editor in chief of the popular website Love Twenty. Here at Blast, we know a little something about 20-somethings who run websites and magazines. Get to know this editor’s hopes, dreams and goals for the future.

BLAST: Tell us about yourself.

TEHRENE FIRMAN: I’m a 22-year-old communication major and journalism minor at the University of Northern Iowa who’s pretty much a magazine fanatic. I’m the editor-in-chief of Love Twenty (www.lovetwenty.com), an online magazine for twenty-somethings, am the campus life editor of my college’s newspaper, and the president of She’s the First*{UNI}, a not-for-profit that raises money for girls’ education in the developing world.

BLAST: You have a personal blog called Crazy Stupid Love — where did that come from?

TF: Crazy Stupid Love is the place where I write about everything from style to relationships to my personal adventures. I’m also really into web design so it’s also a fun outlet to try new things and let loose some creativity throughout the week.

Having a personal blog is nice because it’s an outlet where I’m able to write about whatever topic I want to write about. If I want to write something about a certain celebrity relationship, I can do just that. Or, maybe one day I feel like posting a make-up tutorial. Having a blog allows me to take something I’m passionate about writing about and run with it.

BLAST: When you’re blogging, how do you know what will make an interesting post?

TF: If I’m interested in it, I figure there will be someone out in the blogosphere that will be interested in it as well. I enjoy writing about current trends and pop culture, so those who like to keep up on all of the latest will definitely enjoy the posts I put up.

BLAST: So you’re a blogger, you are editor-in-chief of the Gen-Y girls magazine, Love Twenty, and a student? How do you manage all of this?

TF: It’s tough! It’s hard having a full load of classes and also having the time to run Love Twenty, do everything else I’m involved with, and still be social. Although I am very busy, the experience I’ve gained from not only running an online magazine and working with people from all over the world, but also learning to manage my time, has been so beneficial. It’s taught me so much.

BLAST: How did Love Twenty come to be?

TF I was lounging around at home during Spring Break last year when the idea came to me. I had been investing a lot of my time writing for numerous other online magazines, so I figured why not start one myself? I came up with the name, what I wanted it to be, created the design of the website, and built it that weekend. The following week, Love Twenty launched and has been becoming increasingly popular since! It’s really been a dream come true. I never expected it to go as far as it has.

BLAST: What is it like to be an editor in chief?

TF: It’s amazing. It’s hard work managing all of the writers, interns, and our partnerships, but it’s so worth it. I’ve met so many wonderful people, have gotten to gain an unbelievable amount of experience, and have gotten to see just how much Love Twenty has changed twenty-something’s lives, as well as my own.

BLAST: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

TF: I see myself working as an editor at a popular women’s or teen’s magazine in the Big Apple. It’s been my dream for a very long time now and I can’t see myself doing anything else.

Hi Neely,

Best,
Escalating

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways:

• 15 seconds: It’s important to think about your love life and what you want, but in this situation you are overthinking things!
• 1:16: When you think too much in these situations, you come off as rehearsed and awkward.
• 1:38: You don’t want to end up in the friend zone, though, so there a few simple things to consider. Tune in to find out more!
• 1:40: How can you use touch to your advantage in this type of situation? Tune in.
• 2:20: An easy NLP technique that builds rapport. Find out what it is!
• 3:04: Work on eliminating the belief that you’re just a friend zone kind of guy. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy unless you end the belief.
• 3:35: How to observe a woman’s body language and know how to proceed to build sexual energy.
• 4:05: Don’t second guess yourself.
• 4:18: Practice, practice, practice!

Hi Neely,

Wondering in the Bay Area

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takwaways:

• 41 seconds: You can’t get emotionally invested in someone you meet through email on an online dating site. Why? Tune in to hear more.
• 1:07: What are women (and maybe men too) really good at doing that they shouldn’t do when it comes to online dating.
• 1:19: How many emails should be exchanged before you meet up for the first time? Remember the goal of online dating is to meet up IN PERSON!
• 1:54: Why do people do online dating? It’s not always to find a relationship. Remember that.
• 2:17: Just because someone emails you or asks for your number doesn’t mean he/she will call you. Actions speak louder than words.
• 2:44: Why does a person who you meet online ask for your number and then vanish? And what to do about it.
• 3:10: Don’t analyze, get emotionally attached to anyone you’re emailing with, and please don’t take the fact that he/she never called personally.

This week’s videos are based on a comment we received in last week’s MP4 Love #14.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Tune in to the male perspective below – this week featuring J.T. Tran, Master Pick-up Artist at ABCs of Attraction. But first:

Takeaways

1:15: Learn about techniques from J.T. Tran and other dating coaches/PUAs and practice as much as you can – it’s a form of exposure therapy.

2:35: Tune in here for new ways of thinking about yourself and self-confidence.

2:40: Confidence is a belief you have about yourself – tune in for more on this.

3:10: When events happen, we form meanings about them and ourselves, and from these meanings we create beliefs about ourselves, which become self-fulfilling prophecies. Tune in for more on this and my example.

3:59: A possible truth isn’t necessarily THE truth.

4:11: Events don’t have meanings other than the ones YOU attach to them.

Liza Mundy, a writer for The Washington Post, has a new book out: The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners is Transforming Sex, Love, and Family. In it she discusses the rise of women in the workplace and the inevitability of female dominance. She predicts that by 2025, more than half the primary breadwinners in America will be female. What does this mean for the country, in terms of romantic relationships? Will women be happy with this role? How will men respond? Will marriage decline if men begin to feel emasculated or unnecessary?

And, on the minds of many: Will  female hypergamy – the practice of marrying into an equal or more prestigious social group or caste – come to an end? Traditionally, women have been the ones to “marry up,” for reasons such as necessity, desire, social pressure, and self-validation.  But with the rise of women in society, namely the working world and education, less women are turning to marriage as a means of survival or for purposes of self-esteem. I happen to think this is a good thing, but surely, for every action there is a reaction.  One unintended consequence of rising females  is the decline of males, which may mean an end to hypergamy, or perhaps even a reversal – male hypergamy. Unfortunately, that possibility doesn’t sit well with many women, at least not for the time being. The fairer sex still wants to partner up with men of similar or greater financial and educational prospects. Trouble is: that pool of men is shrinking. Can women’s hypergamous instincts thus be tamed? Will women eventually embrace the concept of “dating down?” Or will they choose a life of bachelorettehood rather than feel like they’re settling for men of lower status.

As a dating and relationship pundit, I’ve started to see the very real effects of this modern-day dilemma on men and women. Take Boston, for example. A recent survey conducted by Glamour magazine and Match.com found that Boston women are the unhappiest in the country. Sure, it may have to do with the fact that 1 out of 8 Boston men expect sex on the first date – another finding of that survey –  but another guess is that it might have something to do with the growing number of accomplished, well-educated women in the city and the decreasing pool of similarly accomplished, well-educated men.

When I posted a link to Susan Walsh’s blog entry on the subject of hypergamy to my facebook page, a man by the name of Tom responded with some very thoughtful feedback. I appreciated having a male perspective, and Tom’s comments were so insightful that I asked him if I could publish our back-and-forth on Blast. Here was our conversation about hypergamy, male-female relations, Game, the future of marriage, and other such topics.

What do you have to add to the discussion?

Tom: Two quick observations:

1. Hypergamous instincts are not based exclusively on career success but more broadly on social dominance and “demonstration of higher value” (DHV). Beneath the cheesy scripts and peacock routines, this is the essential proposition that undergirds the whole “Game”/PUA mentality and how it’s supposed to work (if it does work). That sounds nebulous, but when discussing sexual attraction, nebulous factors often come into play.
2. Discussions of how mating/relationship/marriage norms are changing need to accept the possibility that, for many, “failure” is most definitely an option, meaning that there is no cosmic rule that says that everyone is eventually going to partner up happy, succeed in the mating game, whatever. The majority of adults are already unmarried and while that might change on an individual level for many, no law says it has to. We may end up moving to a new norm of what inter-gender personal relationships end up looking like. I think this was the point that Kate Bolick was trying to make several months ago, in her critique of “singlism,” and it remains valid. If the social norm doesn’t match human realities and desires, I’d expect the former to change more readily than the latter.

Neely Steinberg: You make some great points. 1) My feeling re: Game/PUA is that the techniques/mentality have become so mainstream that they are less effective. Many women can smell them from a mile away, but I do think they can come in handy, to an extent, for Beta types who have a hard time making connections with women. Also, I think younger women are more prone to falling for Game; older women don’t have the time, desire or energy to deal with feigned displays of DHV. Of course, self-confidence is sexy and we love it, but when we realize it comes from a playbook, we aren’t so interested. At this juncture, hypergamy is still instinctual for most females, but perhaps 50 years from now societal shifts will drown out that instinct. Will be interesting to watch and see. 2) I think you’re right: Moving forward, “failure” to get married or couple up is a valid option, although we probably won’t look at it as failure anymore. I do think there are dangerous implications, though, to having less married people, specifically for children. But perhaps I will be convinced otherwise if it becomes the accepted societal norm for all groups (white, black, rich, poor, etc.).

Tom: Re (1): I agree that the corpus of techniques and scripts promulgated by Game proponents has likely become somewhat stale but I always viewed that as the less-important part of that philosophy (as well as being kind of lame anyway), as compared to the overall mindset and objective of the effort, namely, to teach men with difficulty in that area to develop a better sense of self-confidence and ability to “sell” themselves, as well as to “de-pedestalize” and demystify women and the nature of female attraction in the eyes of such men. I think that the techniques were mostly there as sort of a set of “training wheels” anyway for the less secure, less naturally self-confident, and more “beta” or introverted of men to get a start on things. The ultimate goal probably is and should be for men to actually LEARN to be more self-confident and to promote themselves better, rather than to merely find a way to act as though they are, but “fake it until you make it” can perhaps be a viable means to that end. Game in any case at least always predicated itself on relying on an objective analysis of what works and how attraction is generation, so one could expect that the body of actual techniques, if one is concerned about such things, would evolve and develop to meet current social realities.

I guess whether hypergamy becomes less relevant or not depends on one’s view of its etiology. If it’s some sort of deeply-rooted evolutionary instinct (as a lot of the Game people claim), then it may prove highly-resistant to any sort of fundamental change, at least within anything less than an evolutionary timeframe (probably significantly longer than 50 years), though the means by which that instinct is expressed and manifested certainly probably will change as the social outlets by which it can express itself do (I have no idea what one might expect such social norms may look like in 50 years, given both the rapid state of flux they seem to be in, and the fact that an observer from 50 years ago probably wouldn’t have been able to predict the current situation very well).

Re (2): control over biology and child-bearing and -rearing is an important issue there. Human beings gaining control over that process over the last half-century will probably prove to be one of the most revolutionary biological and social changes in human history. The current debates and controversy over contraception are taking place with that as a backdrop. Hopefully, both the technology and the access to it will advance to the point that child-bearing will be able to take place in stable and supportive environments (which might mean in families oriented around two-person marriage, or around some other arrangements that provide similar material and social support to children, again I won’t try to predict what options people may come up with 50 years hence). We face the risk that raising well cared-for and parented children may become a preserve of the rich or others with the personal or social resources to invest in the project, something that’s maybe already becoming an issue with marriage right now becoming a preserve of the upper class, but that won’t make it any different than a lot of other class divisions we already have to deal with (and which would call for a broader battery of solutions beyond either family norms or reproductive technology).

Also re hypergamy: I think both sexes are, to an extent, hypergamous. I don’t know of many heterosexual men who would not prefer to find women who are hot, kind, smart, and accomplished, probably roughly in that order, even if they’re “marrying (or partnering) up.” Where perhaps things get complicated is in the dynamics of a relationship where one’s self-image, and probably one’s image as imputed to the eyes of their partner by comparison, are affected or potentially placed in question.

Neely Steinberg: Completely agree that Game is helpful to men in that way, 100 percent. And yes, fake it until you make it, can be a viable option until you actually start to believe it, which I suppose would be the end goal – not just getting the girl, otherwise old habits and insecurities are more likely to seep back in. I’m not sure if Game alone is enough to accomplish a total transformation, but it can help, and it’s a good start because it forces men to come out of their shells, demystifies women, and forces men to “do” and experiment; it’s not enough to just think – one has to act and through repeated action one builds self-esteem. And yes, depends on how you view hypergamy – if it’s instinctual, societal changes will probably do little, and a push for change (i.e. social engineering) may do more harm than good. If hypergamy is a societal imperative, it can be more easily manipulated. Conservatives would do well, IMO, to embrace same-sex marriage – if their goal is a return, if that’s even possible, to more stable family environments. For the benefit of our children and the betterment of civil society, they should be encouraging two-parent homes, no matter the gender of the parents. That two human beings are willing to create a stable, loving home for children is what is important. At this point, the sexual liberation movement seems to have benefitted the well-heeled more than other socioeconomic classes, simply because the rich have the resources to, as you say, invest in the project. Currently, only a small percentage of highly educated men and women choose to stay unmarried and have kids on their own. I don’t see that changing for a while but who knows what will happen. It’s sort of a separate-but-equal scenario that actually has dire consequences for the less fortunate.

Tom: Agree with all of the above. I think that the current social conservative reaction (represented by, e.g.: Rick Santorum, et al) is a case of doing the wrong thing for the right reason, or at least I’m willing to be at least that charitable with regards to some of that camp’s motivations, or at least those of its supporters. I think they’ve correctly assessed that current family and sexual norms are in a state of flux (I’d not quite use the word “crisis). Where they go wrong is in thinking that it’s either desirable, or even feasible, to somehow turn the clock back on such norms to 1958 or some other bygone era, rather than working to find more realistic and equitable modern solutions to the problem.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/the-future-of-hypergamy/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-12-his-online-dating-profile-is-still-active/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-12-his-online-dating-profile-is-still-active/#comments Mon, 26 Mar 2012 20:20:08 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=73513

Hi Neely,

I started Match.com about 6 months ago. For the last three months I’ve been dating a guy who I met on the site. I really like him but we haven’t had any sort of relationship talk yet. I’m not really sure where I stand. I hid my profile, because I really don’t want to see anyone else, but I’ve noticed his is still up and he checks in frequently – I can’t help but snoop to see if he’s been “active.” I want to talk to him about this but don’t want to seem pushy or freak him out. What do you think I should do?

Online dater with a dilemma, Newton

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com, and don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 15 seconds: This is one of the more common online dating questions. A lot of people struggle with this.
• 52 seconds: If you are seeing each other once a week or so and it’s been three months, this guy is probably not serious about you. Keep dating other guys – don’t put all your eggs in one basket with this guy.
• 1:10: A guy can like hanging out with you and dating you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he sees a future with you. Just because you feel a certain connection doesn’t mean he feels that same connection.
• 1:23: BUT if you’ve been seeing him a few times a week for three months now and you feel as though things are progressing, you have every right to know where his head is at.
• 1:43: What to do with your profile – the HUGE MISTAKE women make…tune in to see what I’m talking about.
• 2:08: The ultimate question to ask yourself and a plan of action – tune in to see what I have to say.
]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-12-his-online-dating-profile-is-still-active/feed/ 6 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-11-she-saw-her-friend-being-cheated-on/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-11-she-saw-her-friend-being-cheated-on/#comments Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:15:13 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=73239

Hi Neely,

I have a really close friend whose girlfriend I have also become close with. My husband and I double-date with them and go on trips together all the time, and we all get along really well. A couple weeks ago I was out at a club with friends. It was late, like 3 a.m., and the club was pretty big and crowded. As I was making my way through the crowd I saw my friend’s girlfriend making out with some random dude and acting all lovey-dovey with him. I was so shocked. She didn’t see me, because I quickly ducked back into the crowd. But now I don’t know what to do. It feels awkward hanging around them, and I haven’t told her yet what I saw. I know my friend would be crushed if I told him – my loyalty is first to him, but I just feel I have been put in a very awkward situation. My friend has been with this girl for a year, and I know he is serious about her. What do you think I should do?

Witness to cheating, New York

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 23 seconds: It’s really difficult to know what to do in these situations. If you say something, he may get angry and think you’re meddling; if you don’t and he finds out you knew all along but didn’t tell him he may also be angry. So…you need to think through a plan of action carefully!
• 50 seconds: Here are 3 things to consider when you’ve witnessed your friend being cheated on – TUNE IN TO SEE WHAT THESE 3 THINGS ARE.
• 2:59: Also consider that you may very well lose his friendship but at least you know you thought through the situation and did what you thought was right and in his best interest.
]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-11-she-saw-her-friend-being-cheated-on/feed/ 1 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-9-scared-to-settle-down/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-9-scared-to-settle-down/#comments Mon, 05 Mar 2012 20:19:14 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=72250

Hi Neely,

I’m kind of exhausted with dating. I feel like Kristin Davis’ character Charlotte in Sex and the City when she said, “I’ve been dating since I was 15. Where is he already? I’m exhausted.” I’m a 33-year-old woman. I own my own condo and have a great job. I have great friends and take amazing vacations. But I want to settle down and meet someone. I want to have kids and a family. I can feel my biological clock ticking practically every day. I don’t want to settle for someone just to have children and get married – I could never be happy with someone I didn’t really love. I’d rather be alone than settle. But I still can’t help but feel panicked and scared at the thought of being by myself forever, while all my friends start to pair up, have kids, and move to the burbs. Do you have any helpful advice for me?

Scared to settle, Cambridge

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 23 seconds: You’re not alone!
• 35 seconds: I am dishing out some tough love: I know you’re exhausted, but you’ve got to suck it up if you want to get what you want!
• 1:00: Let’s talk about the word ‘settle.’ Nobody wants to feel they are settling for someone. We want it all in the 21st century!
• 1:34: Look at a city like Manhattan. People take a lot longer to settle down there. The city is filled with so many beautiful, successful men and women, and everyone is looking for the next best thing, to find someone better. It’s the paradox of choice.
• 1:45: Years later, when they’re still single they realize they probably turned away some really great people for an illusion.
• 1:56: Perfect and ideal doesn’t exist.
• 2:03: If you found someone with whom you’re compatible and want a long-term relationship, there isn’t anybody better out there for you.
• 2:19: Settling isn’t about failure or mediocrity. Let’s change the way you think about the word settling.
• 2:30: Think of 5 fundamental qualities in a mate that you can’t live without and throw out the rest of your list.
• 3:26: I’m not advocating settling for someone you can’t stand to be around, but I just want you to think about readjusting your definition of settling, especially if you’re ready to settle down and want biological children. Think about what is really important to you and don’t lose sight of that.
]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-9-scared-to-settle-down/feed/ 3 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-8-long-distance-love/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-8-long-distance-love/#comments Tue, 28 Feb 2012 23:07:32 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=72105

Hi Neely,

I started dating a guy a few months ago. Everything has been going well and I really like him, but just recently he interviewed for a job in NYC. If he gets it, he may very well decide to move there. I am sort of waiting to see if he gets an offer before talking about things, especially because we haven’t had the “relationship” conversation yet. I don’t know what to do, because I really like him but am not sure about doing the long distance thing. Plus, since we aren’t technically boyfriend-girlfriend, it’s an awkward conversation to have. What do you think?

Long-distance love, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my Website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaway Points

• 58 seconds: If someone you’ve been dating for a bit is moving far away and you want to be in a long-term relationship with him or her, you MUST have a conversation to see where you stand with that person. Don’t skirt the issue. And don’t let he or she leave without having the talk.
• 1:08: Defining the relationship talks can be awkward but if one of you is moving far away that is the perfect excuse to broach the conversation.
• 1:40: I’m not a huge fan of long-distance relationships, especially at the beginning stages of a relationship, but they CAN work.
• 2:09: Three things to think about if you do get involved in a long-distance relationship. Tune in to see what they are!
• 4:08: Long-distance relationships can work, but they take a lot of trust, communication, and effort. Also, consider my three tips. If it’s the right person, it’s totally worth giving it your all!
]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-8-long-distance-love/feed/ 3 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/romance-in-the-21st-century-do-we-still-need-it/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/romance-in-the-21st-century-do-we-still-need-it/#comments Sun, 19 Feb 2012 15:38:18 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=71776

What does romance look like in the 21stcentury? I have been pondering this question for the last few months, ever since I published what I thought was a rather lighthearted list of ways I appreciate and love men. To be sure, many of the items on the list were of a romantic nature. Some readers found fault with the old-fashioned brand of romance and chivalry I espoused to love, that the list evoked a nauseatingly romantic, antiquated Prince Charming archetype that promotes dangerous lessons about masculinity (and femininity) and  therefore has no place in modern times. These critiques got me to thinking about the construct of romance and its role in current-day relationships.

As Christina Nehring writes in her book “A Vindication of Love: Reclaiming Romance for the 21st Century”: “We inhabit a world in which every aspect of romance from meeting to mating has been streamlined, safety-checked, and emptied of spiritual consequence. The result is that we imagine we live in an erotic culture of unprecedented opportunity when, in fact, we live in an erotic culture that is almost unendurably bland.” Nehring believes that romance in today’s society has become anemic; it’s been bled out of us, replaced by a commodification and demystification, among other things, of sex. Romance in our day has become “a poor and shrunken thing,” says Nehring. “To some it remains an explicit embarrassment, a discredited myth, the deceptive sugar that once coated the pill of women’s servility. To others, romance has become a recreational sport.” As we have lost sight of romance we are no longer able to let it “sweep us up, to take us for a flight in the heavens, a twirl into the unknown.”

But what exactly is romance? Can it even be defined in specific terms or is it too personal an experience to be painted in precise strokes?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fact that many modern-day women still want to perceive and define romance in old-fashioned ways and long for a traditional brand they fear no longer exists, a brand that flourished in bygone eras when the rules to courtship were perhaps clearer, when the act of courting itself was in vogue. I can understand why.

For many years, during college and beyond, I participated in a rather unromantic yet thoroughly modern hook-up culture, in which sexual tension between two people was acted on with immediacy and sexual relations, for the most part, felt like apathetic, drunken business transactions. Feelings were shut off, false messages of empowerment switched on. You can imagine why, over the years, I’ve gained an appreciation for clichéd, old-fashioned ideals: chivalrous gestures, stolen kisses, flowers just because, candlelit dinners, love notes, hand-holding, slow dancing, delayed gratification. Call me a romantic old fart but the lyrics to Kitty Kallen’s 1954 hit “The Little Things Mean a Lot” resonate with me. She soulfully croons: “Blow me a kiss from across the room. Say I look nice when I’m not. Touch my hair as you pass my chair. Little things mean a lot. Give me your arm as we cross the street. Call me at six on the dot. A line a day when you’re far away. Little things mean a lot.”

I don’t think I’m alone in yearning for a sort of nostalgia I never actually knew (I’m 34) but learned about through songs, books, television, and film. Whether during the dating stages of a relationship or further down the road, many women still view this brand of romance as a gold standard. Understandably, they are worried about its demise. As Barbara Ellen writes in her commentary “Is Romance Dead?”:  “Where romance is concerned, it seems that women in particular never get used to the sudden terrible absence of it all.”

Just visit the message boards of dating sites, read the letters that come in to dating and relationship coaches and pundits, scan facebook updates and blog entries, and you will feel, quite palpably, this frustration and anxiety. “Chivalry is dead; romance is gone,” the fairer sex claims. “They’re not after my heart; just what’s in my jeans,” writes a jaded blogger.

**** The Romantic Appeal of Jane Austen****

Despite the truth universally acknowledged that, at least by today’s standards and culture, a female’s life in Jane Austen’s day was quite restrictive, millions of women still have an appreciation for the romantic aesthetic and courtship rituals found in her novels, or the brand of romance we see play out in other such classics. In the movie adaptation of “Emma,” for instance, Mr. Knightly confesses: “I only felt hope again when I heard of Mr. Churchill’s engagement, and I rushed back, anxious for your feelings, keen to be near you. I rode through the rain, but I’d ride through worse if I could just to hear your voice telling me that I might at least have some chance to win you … What of my flaws? I’ve humbled you, and I’ve lectured you and you have borne it as noone could have born it. Maybe it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another. Marry me? Oh, marry me, my wonderful, darling friend!”

Swoon!

Compare that with the type of romance depicted in some of today’s movies. Take the blockbuster hit “Mr. And Mrs. Smith,” for example. Romance knees us in the groin in the form of a high-octane thriller. Both man and woman are skilled assassins, badasses in equal measure. “Love gets lethal,” the trailer narrator warns. “Come on, sweetheart, come to daddy,” Brad Pitt says to Angelina Jolie, who then kicks him in the balls, replying, “Who’s your daddy now?” You kill somebody; I kill somebody. Awesome. Now let’s pull guns on each other and screw each other’s brains out.

Swoo … oh, never mind.

This is not to say that one construct of romance is necessarily better than the other (raw passion is great), but I think many women feel more moved emotionally (and physically) by the Austen variety, even in 2012.

Why else do they gobble up Austen’s novels and flock in droves to the theaters to see Austen adaptations (and other such films within that genre)? “There is, it seems,” says Elizabeth Day, in a Daily Telegraph article titled “Why Women Love Jane Austen,” “an endless appetite among female readers for a romance with a happy ending, perhaps because Austen’s novels allow one to escape from the pitfalls and humiliations of present-day courtship. In Austen’s books, men really know how to behave. They make their intentions clear by marking your dance card, by taking a leisurely turn round the vicarage gardens and indulging in polite conversations about the Napoleonic wars. All of which is far more genteel and straightforward than gyrating to thumping disco beats in the seedy half-light of a crowded nightclub, the floor sticky with spilled alcopops.”

Dan Stevens, the heartthrob star of Masterpiece Classic’s recent silver screen period hit Downton Abbey, seconds this sentiment. He believes the depiction of old-fashioned romance is a reason the series has been so successful: “These days it‘s a quick speed date, straight in the sack, game over. … People [back then] took their time and considered things a lot more. I think we have lost that now,” he says in a recent interview.

Of course, you can’t have a discussion about women’s hunger for old-school romance without giving a nod to a more recent period love story detailed in “The Notebook” (written by a man, incidentally), which sits atop millions of women’s favorite books and movies lists. The novel-cum-film is a throwback to another time, an era that unapologetically embraces traditional romance and chivalry and femininity. “The Notebook” is just one of thousands of romance novels that women spend billions of dollars on each year. According to statistics from Romance Writers of America: Romance fiction sales remained relatively steady in 2010, though dipping slightly to $1.358 billion from $1.36 billion in 2009, and romance fiction continued its dominance of the consumer market at 13.4 percent (in terms of revenue of market categories), beating out mystery, science fiction/fantasy, and religion/inspirational titles.

Good news for Fabio!

Even the most progressive women I know still want a little traditional romance in their lives. They want their boyfriends to pop the question; they long for engagement rings; they plan their weddings, at which they will wear lacy white gowns and promenade down the chapel aisle to the sweet, sonorous notes of J.S. Bach’s Ave Maria. In her book “Uncommon Arrangements: Seven Portraits of Married Life in London Literary Circles, 1910-1939,” Katie Roiphe discusses the paradox of various progressives who struggle with bucking traditional mindsets as it pertains to gender.

She writes: “Even formidable feminists like Rebecca West and Elizabeth Von Arnim, who devoted a great deal of thoughts to the power relations between men and women, were enraptured and nearly defeated by traditional, almost brutal displays of male power. … [these women’s] most progressive, most outrageous desires clash with the retrograde yearning for traditional roles….”

*****The Frustration of Today’s Man****

Adding more nuance to this issue, today’s woman doesn’t just yearn for the traditional; she wants to mix and match traditional gender roles and concepts with more liberal ones. In today’s society, women want to have it all. They want to be stay-at-home moms and career women, or maybe a little of both. They rejoice in being liberated and empowered but somewhere in their depths still long to be swept up in old-fashioned forms of romance and chivalry, in which men treat them as the women, nay, ladies they desire to be. Women are ultimately caught, as Laura Kippnis writes in her book “A Female Thing,” “between feminism and femininity, between self-affirmation and an endless quest for self-improvement, between playing an injured party and claiming independence.” (It’s curious, I suppose, that even amidst all the gains and “progress” women have made, women’s happiness has been declining steadily since 1970. According to a recent study The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness: “The relative decline in women’s well-being is ubiquitous, and holds for both working and stay-at-home mothers, for those married and divorced, for the old and the young, and across the education distribution.”)

But here, of course, is where the rubber hits the road: Just because many of today’s women may yearn for a return to old-fashioned notions of romance and chivalry, is it fair for them to expect men to fall in line? In current society, men and women are equals (certainly not so in the time of Austen and even more recently, before the women’s movement came barreling along). Women vote; they own property; they raise children alone; they determine their own destinies. In fact, women are doing so well today that they are surpassing men in many areas: Women earn more college degrees; they’ve flooded the ranks of middle management; they’ve taken over certain industries. Women can do everything on their own. So why on earth should today’s woman expect a man to exhibit any form of traditional romance, that is, to pay for dates or pull out chairs or open doors, or engage them in any elaborate romantic fantasies (at any stage of a relationship) in which men put women on pedestals or treat them like the more delicate sex?

Many women say they don’t want such treatment, anyway; they can open their own damn doors, thank you very much! Candlelit dinners? Barf! Pay the tab on the first couple of dates? Let’s go Dutch instead! Take your time getting to know me? What’s a girl got to do to get laid around here, anyhow! So what’s a man to do; what’s a man to think? Women bemoan the downward trajectory of chivalry and romance in one breath but in subsequent exhales brand men as chauvinists for wanting to pay the bill and deficient for not being more like, well, women.

I can understand then the desire of many modern men to eschew outdated, one-size fits all models of romance and chivalry. (I can also understand their desire to cling to it. Take a middle-aged man’s comment on a blog entry about the death of romance: “From an old guy of 52… It is not only women who miss these things. I feel I am defunct… a dying breed whose time has passed and longs for a time when it was fashionable to woo a woman.”) I can also understand that while plenty of women long to be romanced in more traditional ways, plenty of women don’t care a snit for being treated as such, and many prefer to view romance in more progressive terms: “I find it romantic to come home to find he’s randomly cleaned my apartment or that he’s run an errand for me,” says a facebook commenter.

*****A 21^st-Century View****

Maybe, in the 21^st century, females especially, need to start looking at this romance thing a little differently. As gender roles become less rigid, as definitions of masculinity and femininity are being rewritten, romance can’t be viewed so myopically anymore.

Modern-day women might do well to consider other definitions of romance aside from the traditional varieties they fuss over in fiction and film. Besides, having impossibly high standards and unrealistic expectations based on fictitious relationships can be unhealthy and unproductive for couples. (The same goes for guys and the mind-boggling female acrobatics seen in porn, not that I’ve seen any … .)

Women should also consider that today’s man needs romance too. But men must not forget that some form of romance is crucial for women. (Especially for physiological purposes: With regards to sexual intercourse, a man is often physically raring to go within seconds; a woman can take 20-30 minutes to get in the mood – her emotions need to be roused to get her physically aroused.)

Ultimately, romance in the 21^st century isn’t necessarily about one gender doing and one gender receiving via opened doors or bestowed longstemmed roses or paid tabs (though it certainly still can be, especially in the dating stages); it’s a genderless concept. It’s about creating for another human being a feeling of being cared for, admired, special, appreciated, valued, protected even. Sweeping gestures can be great, but the real hope for romance today lives on in the attentive touches and thoughtfulness we bestow upon each other in our day-to-day lives. These things never go out of style, at any phase of a relationship. Considering the 50% divorce rate, which looms over our heads at all times, like a giant, immovable rain cloud, we may need romance more than ever before.

And the truth is that romance is too personal an experience to define as one way of being or acting toward one another for both men and women, and ultimately an intricate and unique equation for singles and couples alike to decipher. Although Nehring never defined it in her book, leaving that decision up to the reader, she enlists both genders to go to battle for romance, to fight for what she hopes will be “an era of revived romantic hope.”

I truly believe romance in whatever form works for you is a positive force for men and women, the glue that can hold us together through the inevitable confusion that erupts out of our sometimes volcanic differences. Understand also that its definition may change over the years: Personally speaking, a bouquet of flowers from my significant other may be one more thing I have to look after when I’m juggling babies and a career. I suspect I’ll always love the gesture, but nothing in life is ever certain (except, of course, death and taxes).

I’ll leave you with some sage advice from the adorably shy and inimitable Matthew Cuthbert, who says to his adopted daughter Anne Shirley (an eternal romantic), in Lucy Maud Montgomery’s “Anne of Green Gables” (one of my favorite childhood books): “Don’t give up all your romance, Anne. A little of it is a good thing – not too much, of course – but keep a little of it, Anne, keep a little of it.”

Also in The Good Men Project

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/romance-in-the-21st-century-do-we-still-need-it/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-6-when-to-say-i-love-you/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-6-when-to-say-i-love-you/#comments Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:52:41 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=71356

Dear Neely,

I have been dating my current girlfriend for over 7 months now. The energy is great, we have an amazing connection, and I even get along with her parents. Needless to say I am head over heels, and now in that danger zone of wanting to say I love you for the first time. I am afraid of either 1.) freaking her out if she isn’t there yet (and creating that awful feeling for myself of not having your feelings reciprocated ) or 2.) waiting too long to say it and sending her the wrong message that I am not serious about the relationship. I have googled this endlessly looking for a rule of thumb, an answer, a prayer…to no avail. How long should you wait before dropping the “L” word? Help a brotha out!

Sincerely,
Lover Boy, Boston, MA

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: The amount of time you’ve been with someone is a factor, but try thinking less about WHEN you should say I love you and more about WHY you want to say it and you will have your answer.
• 54 seconds: There are 3 times when you shouldn’t say I love you. Tune in to hear what I have to say.
• 2:07: When you can feel really good about saying I love you.
• 2:47: A lot of times women are advised to let the man say I love you first. I explain why.
• 3:25: It should be less about gender and more about your motive for saying it.
• 3:45: The worst that can happen is that the other person doesn’t say it back but if you were saying it for the right reasons, at least you stayed true to the honest feelings you had. See this Seinfeld clip for George’s dilemma:



Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-6-when-to-say-i-love-you/feed/ 2 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-5-the-nice-guy-dilemma/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-5-the-nice-guy-dilemma/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 04:07:17 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=71175

Q: I’m a 26-year-old nice guy who really wants a girlfriend. Trouble is I feel as though women today don’t want nice guys. I see some of my guy friends treat women like crap and the women keep coming back to them. Unbelievable. Do I have to become a jerk to meet someone? Seems rather depressing.

Sincerely,
Nice guy reconsidering, Boston

Takeaway points:

• 34 seconds – Stay true to who you are! You don’t want someone falling for someone you’re not.
• 44 seconds – Definition of nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful, not a pushover.
• 57 seconds – Most women don’t respect a man who they can take advantage of
• 1:10 – SECRET most guys don’t know about nice guys: Tune in to find out what it is.
• 2:22 – Nice guys can find a balance. You can still be nice, but take charge a little bit when out there dating, so the woman isn’t always calling the shots.
• 2:40 – Observe other men who strike that balance between being nice and remaining desirable to women. Those are the men you want to emulate.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-5-the-nice-guy-dilemma/feed/ 2 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-4-the-disappearing-man/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-4-the-disappearing-man/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:49:04 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=70980

Hi Neely,

I met a man who I really fell for. We had been dating for a couple of months. He kept telling me how much he liked me and wanted to be with me and saw a future for us. But then, out of nowhere, he disappeared and I haven’t heard from him since. I feel incredibly hurt and confused. What could have happened to possibly make him do a 180 like this?

Sincerely,
Upset by 180, Brighton

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: You are not alone!
• 55 seconds: Don’t beat yourself up over this. And try your hardest not to overanalyze the situation. You may never know what happened and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
• 1:50: Once you get back out there and start dating again, I promise you will find someone new with whom you have amazing chemistry and you will forget all about this guy.
• 2:00: When it comes to dating – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-4-the-disappearing-man/feed/ 1 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-1-alpha-female-33-and-divorced/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-1-alpha-female-33-and-divorced/#comments Mon, 12 Dec 2011 02:31:34 +0000 Neely Steinberg http://blastmagazine.com/?p=69666

Hi Neely,

Love your articles and realistic approach to dating. Thought you might have some good feedback for me. I’m 33 and am looking for a relationship. I finally think I’m ready after being single for the last two years. Before that I was married for four years. The divorce was amicable and I still talk with my ex – there just wasn’t any passion and his meekness became a problem for me. People tell me I’m an Alpha female (I have a high-powered job, am very organized, and I’m a bit anal retentive in certain ways), but I’m not really sure – sometimes I see how they can say that but sometimes I disagree. I really want to be with a strong man, an Alpha male. I’ve dated a couple of guys after my divorce who were just plain boring. I’m tired of being in charge. I want a man who is going to take charge and be in control. Is that too much to ask for? All I seem to be meeting and attracting are guys with more Beta qualities. What do you think? Help!

- Desirous of Alpha male, Boston

Submit your questions to neely@blastmagazine.com!

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/mp4-love/mp4-love-1-alpha-female-33-and-divorced/feed/ 1 http://blastmagazine.com/the-blogs/sky/celebs/bieber-lays-on-the-romance/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-blogs/sky/celebs/bieber-lays-on-the-romance/#comments Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:03:36 +0000 Brittney McNamara http://blastmagazine.com/?p=68808


wireimage.com

Despite his recent Daddy drama, Justin Bieber is a respectful boyfriend.  During a recent interview on Power 105.1, the pop star explained the dinner he planned for girlfriend Selena Gomez in the middle of the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

“It was my idea,” Bieber said, according to the New York Post. “She was talking about wanting to see ‘Titanic’ again because she hadn’t seen it since she was a little girl.  We were fighting a little bit, so I just really wanted to take her somewhere special.  We had dinner in the middle of the Staples Center.”

Although the DJs poke fun at him, Bieber said. “You got to treat a woman right.  Girls like when you just do spontaneous things.”

The young star also defended his reasoning for not jumping on sexy stars like Kim Kardashian.

“Why would I let something so amazing slip away?” he said to the DJs.

What he lacks in years, Bieber has in swag.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-blogs/sky/celebs/bieber-lays-on-the-romance/feed/ 2 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/why-men-turn-to-a-mistress-a-valentines-day-tutorial/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/why-men-turn-to-a-mistress-a-valentines-day-tutorial/#comments Mon, 14 Feb 2011 01:38:27 +0000 Susan Jay http://blastmagazine.com/?p=57306

Okay . . . I’m the person every woman loves to hate. I’m the Mistress.

Most women don’t want to think about me. They want men to realize their inevitable part in the scheme of things. That is, to honor their role in the relations between the sexes: after a look around among the women available, choose one, put a ring on her finger, and get on with basic plan. Don’t cheat.

As the alternative to this basic plan, or perhaps as an addendum to it, I don’t mind telling you my secrets for romance, in spite of the fact that I’ve rarely been the mistress of married men. Because I have been privy to the confidential confessions of what women have done to men – both as wives and girlfriends – to drive them either to boredom, or completely away, I will write an anatomy of the problem and the solution to a true romantic interlude.

Here is the wild ride of confidential abuse I have been privy to: “She used to pop pimples on my back when we were making love,” “If we had a party, she would show up thirty minutes late (also a time line for nights out) and I would have to entertain or wait,” “I only got a blow job three times in our marriage – and the last time was the night before I was served with our divorce papers,” or, my favorite, “Sex was so Goddamn boring – I just couldn’t crack the code . . .”

This may sound outrageously simplistic. I am just a mistress after all. The reason men love me? I will tell you. Before I go to meet any one of my lovers, I have one thought in my mind: Please let me please him.

Here is the Valentine’s Day formula — and it may not be as simple as it seems. As a mistress, I have always spent serious time thinking about my lover and all the things that really make him happy as the man I know him to be. So can you.

You know the man you’re about to have Valentine’s Day with. Forget the suggestions from magazines and popular self help manuals. Why should you take their advice? You have the inside line to what makes your lover happy. Remember the time he irritated you by being distracted by that football game while you were skimpily clad in a come-and-get-me outfit ready for romance? Guess what? Football turns him on.

Let me backtrack a moment and redefine what Valentine’s Day means to me. It is an opportunity to unselfishly give pleasure to the man in my life who makes me happy. I never think twice about whether it will be worth my while because of two things: I love to see the look on his face when I have guessed that thing he will love correctly. And, just as importantly, when he wants to pay me back, I know exactly what he can do to make me happy. I am a realist – I don’t expect a titan of industry to guess that I would love a trip to Paris. A pair of earrings is fine. I don’t expect a poet to buy me a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Poets are good for written tributes I will have in my scrap-book forever. I also don’t expect to be recompensed for the effort I put into Valentine’s Day (which they may have forgotten – or may have to postpone for a day, because they are one of a number of my men) to be repaid on the spot. I am always confident that “what goes around, comes around.”

Between the sheets, there is one rule of thumb: a man is never really happy unless he feels that when he has made love to a woman, he has made her happy. Forget this at your peril. On Valentine’s night do whatever you must to ensure that you, too, are going to enjoy the touch of the man you’ve chosen. Don’t let him get too drunk. Don’t forget to let him know that he’s better than anyone else at doing those little things he does to turn you on. Praise inspires — and men have been created to please us. Just reinforce the plan!

Ladies, what I’m saying is this: If he’s worth it, let Valentine’s Day be an opportunity to love him for who he is. Gear your conversation to the things that interest him. Give yourself over to those sexual pleasures that tantalize his taste as much as your own – after all, it’s only one night! If you love him, wouldn’t you want to spoil him once a year? Don’t worry about getting good value out of the effort you put into what you give. You’ll get it – I guarantee.

I assume I am writing to women who are selfish enough to want good value from every relationship they put their time into. I also assume that when you women go out to find men worthy of your time, you know what you want and go after it romantically with a “no holds barred” attitude

. . . and isn’t that what men love about you?

Happy Valentines Day!

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/why-men-turn-to-a-mistress-a-valentines-day-tutorial/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/blasts-guide-to-a-romantic-valentines-day-dinner-at-home/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/blasts-guide-to-a-romantic-valentines-day-dinner-at-home/#comments Sun, 06 Feb 2011 16:15:12 +0000 Julie Sternman http://blastmagazine.com/?p=56973

Going out for a romantic meal is always a treat; it’s something out of the ordinary, a perfect excuse to slip on a little black dress, order a couple of fancy cocktails, devour scrumptious course after course and top it all off with a decadently rich dessert. But while we can all appreciate the pleasure that accompanies a wonderful meal out on the town, there’s something particularly special and possibly even more romantic about a meal that’s prepared with love and tenderness in the comfort of your own home. What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than with a romantic dinner at home? The ultimate statement of affection, if done right, a romantic dinner at home can also be something quite out of the ordinary, perhaps a brand new reason to put on that little black dress and indulge.

When selecting the perfect menu for this romantic meal, it’s important to keep in mind that the whole point of a Valentine’s dinner at home is to be comfortable, to relax and to fully enjoy the meal you have prepared and the company of the person you love. Slaving over the stove the entire night or worrying that the chocolate soufflé you have baking in the oven might fall should you set your wine glass down too hard pretty much drains all romance out of the equation. So rather than attempting to whip up the most intricate recipe or the most delicate of desserts, choosing a main course that is at once delectable and stress-free, a dessert that is sweet and simple, and a bubbly cocktail to wash it all down is definitely the way to go.



Delicious bowls of Beef Bourguignon (Media Credit/roland via Flickr)

My guide to a romantic Valentine’s dinner at home starts with the perfect main dish: Beef Bourguignon. Hearty and soul satisfying, this wine-rich beef stew is loaded with earthy mushrooms, smoky bacon and sweet pearl onions. I have two favorite recipes for this classic French dish: one is the ever-so-famous Boeuf a la Bourguignonne from Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” and the other comes from Food Network star Ina Garten’s “Barefoot in Paris.” Whether you follow one of these recipes strictly or pull elements from the two, it’s pretty much impossible to mess this one up.

The ingredient list includes diced bacon, cubes of beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, garlic, red wine, tomato paste, beef broth and, of course, butter. The essential preparation involves rendering the bacon, sautéing the vegetables in the fat, adding the beef, stock, and flavorings, and letting everything marry together in the pot. Each recipe has its own nuances, but the end result is the same: a thick, rich, meaty French stew that is as easy to make as it is to devour. Best of all, it tastes even better the day after it’s been prepared. Simply pull this masterpiece together the day before Valentine’s Day, allowing it to simmer for about one to three hours on the stove or in the oven so that all of the flavors can meld together and the beef can become perfectly tender. On Valentine’s Day night, heat it on the stove for about 30 minutes before serving it. While the stew bubbles way on the stove, sit back and relax. Served with a thick slice of sourdough toast rubbed with garlic, or some buttered noodles to soak up the beautiful sauce, Beef Bourguignon is the ultimate Valentine’s treat.

To wash down this decadent meal, a light and bubbly cocktail is the perfect complement. Champagne or Prosecco mixed with elderflower liqueur, a splash of tangy grapefruit juice and a sprig of mint is an elegant drink that does not compete with the flavors in the dish. These other romantic cocktail ideas, courtesy of Turning Leaf, are easy to make and are fun alternatives to the typical glass of wine.



Turning Leaf Ruby Red Spritzer

Ruby Red Spritzer

2 slices ruby red grapefruit
1 ounce pineapple juice
3 ounces ginger ale
3 ounces Turning Leaf Chardonnay

Combine grapefruit, pineapple juice and chardonnay in a pint glass with ice. Cover and shake well. Pour into desired glass and top off with ginger ale.

Romantic Red Sangria

1 pint cherries
1 pint raspberries
1 pint strawberries
Bottle of Turning Leaf Merlot
1 liter of black cherry soda

Place cherries, raspberries and strawberries in a large pitcher.  Pour in merlot and let stand at room temperature for about one hour.  Add black cherry soda. Serve over ice.



Turning Leaf Romantic Red Sangria

For dessert, I recommend something on the lighter side to round out this rather rich main dish. I always enjoy a bowl of frozen yogurt, Greek yogurt, or vanilla ice cream served with roasted fruit. You can use halved stone fruits such as peaches and plums drizzled with honey and cinnamon, or chunks of pineapple sprinkled with brown sugar and cracked black pepper. Place the fruit in a baking dish (cut-side up for the stone fruit) and pop into the oven at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes or until the fruit is soft, bubbly and caramelized. The fruit can be placed in the oven right before serving the main course, and will be hot and ready to eat as soon as the stew has been devoured. Spooned over a cold scoop of ice cream or yogurt, this fruity dessert is a refreshing end to a hearty meal.

Preparing a romantic Valentine’s dinner at home like the one I’ve just described is almost as easy as making a reservation at a fancy restaurant, not to mention a whole lot less expensive. So rather than bundling up and braving the cold weather only to share a meal with 50 other couples who are sitting on top of you, why not try something new for a change? Show your special someone how much you care by preparing a homemade feast, and indulging in a relaxing, love-filled evening right in your very own home.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/blasts-guide-to-a-romantic-valentines-day-dinner-at-home/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/not-sure-what-to-get-your-sweetie-these-boston-stores-put-a-sweet-and-sexy-spin-on-traditional-v-day-gifts/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/not-sure-what-to-get-your-sweetie-these-boston-stores-put-a-sweet-and-sexy-spin-on-traditional-v-day-gifts/#comments Wed, 02 Feb 2011 23:44:01 +0000 Laura McGovern http://blastmagazine.com/?p=56813

For years, lovers have given generic and boring gifts to their significant others on Valentine’s Day.  Collections of drugstore chocolates, cheap perfumes and colognes and crappy “romantic” candles that are said to set the mood have become a rut that gift givers turn to.

In the spirit of the new year, we at Blast suggest that a new standard be set for Valentine’s Day gifts. Boston establishments such as Beacon Hill Chocolates, Condom World, Sweet & Nasty and LUSH Cosmetics raise the bar for Valentine’s Day with their unique, fun gifts that put a spin on traditional choices.

Beacon Hill Chocolates

91 Charles St.
617-725-1900
www.beaconhillchocolates.com

Forget that heart-shaped box of cheap chocolates! On the brick streets of Beacon Hill lies aptly named Beacon Hill Chocolates, a gourmet chocolate store that prides itself in its unique keepsake gift boxes and artisan chocolates.

The company, which will be celebrating its fifth birthday this April, imports rich chocolates from chocolatiers in Belgium, France and a local business in Natick, Mass., called Cocoa Pod.

Rebecca Novak, the manager of the store, said that the big seller for Valentine’s Day this year will be the handcrafted keepsake boxes. Chocolates for Valentine’s Day may not be original, but with these decorative decoupage-style boxes designed with vintage postcards, lithographs, illustrations and photographs, customers can mix and match any type of chocolate truffles they want.

“It’s personalized,” Novak said. “You can’t find the boxes anywhere else.”

Out of the hundreds of artfully crafted truffles and painted hearts, Novak personally recommends the heart-shaped Cognac Caramels or the Brownie Bite Truffles. Other special items to look out for include the Caramel Sushi, Salted Caramel Fudge and the over-sized Chocolate Conversation Hearts.

It’s advisable to place custom orders a week prior to Valentine’s Day, especially for the fresh chocolate-covered strawberries that will be available this year.

Condom World

332 Newbury St.
617-267-7233
www.condomworldboston.com

Upon entering Condom World, the popular X-rated store on Newbury Street, the first thing that stands out is a swaying clock designed to look like two cows “doing the nasty.”

Mike Morrison, the store’s manager, thinks that couple-related products will be the best sellers this year for Valentine’s Day.

“Love is in the air and we’re a sex shop,” Morrison said.

Rather than look at items that are separate for men and women, Morrison motions towards products that couples can use together. Items such as vibrating rings, edible body lotion and lube, dirty dice, books of “coupons” that merit sexy activities such as “one hot bath together,” and body paint pens allow for shared Valentine’s Day gifts.

Various other items around the store include Kama Sutra books, naughty costumes and masturbation items for those who are celebrating the holiday alone.

The wall-length stretch of vibrators and dildos may be intimidating at first glance, but the fun, hands-on nature of Condom World gifts goes unmatched for Valentine’s Day.

Sweet & Nasty

90 Massachusetts Ave., # 90A
617-266-7171
www.sweet-n-nasty.com

Looking for a sweet treat besides the usual box of chocolates? Take the train to Hynes Convention Center and buy a couple of chocolate penis pops from Sweet & Nasty erotic bakery.

Niki Novak, the owner of Sweet & Nasty, dove into the erotic bakery business in October of 1981 and has been going strong for 30 years.

When visiting her sister in New York, Novak had her first penis cake experience and it was about as appetizing as corrugated cardboard.  This served as a springboard for Novak to open her own erotic bakery with naughty goods that tasted great.

All the big sellers for Valentine’s Day are edible, such as G-strings, booby tassels, handcuffs and anatomically correct body parts.

“It combines chocolate, sex and love,” Novak said, describing the essence of her work.

The light-hearted humor behind the Valentine’s Day gifts from Sweet & Nasty replaces the typical serious romance theme of the holiday. Lovers may not wish to propose to their significant others with a chocolate mold of two pigs “making bacon,” but it’s items like these that show that some thought was put into the gifts.

Novak says it’s typical to hear customers say, “This would be perfect for so and so” or, “Oh my God, this is so gross.”  She explained that the most disgusted customers end up making the final purchases.

Anyone who wants some Buxom Bettys or Bite-Sized Tit Pops should place orders sooner than later.  Two to three days prior to Valentine’s Day at Sweet & Nasty can only be described as a mob scene.

LUSH Cosmetics

166 Newbury St.
617-375-5874
www.lushusa.com/shop

Perfume and cologne are one of the many generic “go-to” gifts for Valentine’s Day.  If anyone is considering the gift of scent, the one store on Newbury Street that you can smell from a block away is calling out to lovers this year.

LUSH Cosmetics is the candy land of homemade bath bombs, soaps and all that smells wonderful.

Sarah Hewitt, the manager of the Newbury Street location, says that one of the best sellers for Valentine’s Day is the Sex Bomb bath bombs.

“Sex Bomb is the ultimate sensual bath bomb,” Hewitt said.

Items such as Sex Bomb and the limited edition Valentine’s Day products are better than ordinary perfumes because they are made of natural aphrodisiacs that set the mood for the holiday.

Some of the limited edition bubble bars, bath bombs and soaps that are sure to sell out quickly are Magic Mushroom, The Ex Factor, Frog Prince and Love Birds.

Gifts from LUSH can range anywhere from $4 to $200.

Popular scents that Hewitt recommends are vanilla, chocolate, rose and jasmine.  These scents can be found in many of the massage bars, and not only do they smell good, but they lend themselves to romantic back rubs.

LUSH’s soaps and unique fragrances can replace the cheap cologne gift as well with scents like Demon in the Dark, Ice Blue, Sea Vegetable and Karma.  The masculine scents smell lovely without being too overpowering.

If you find yourself single and sad, grab a Blackberry bath bomb and spend the holiday smelling bergamot, a natural anti-depressant.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/not-sure-what-to-get-your-sweetie-these-boston-stores-put-a-sweet-and-sexy-spin-on-traditional-v-day-gifts/feed/ 1 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/charlie-st-cloud-review/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/charlie-st-cloud-review/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 04:00:32 +0000 Jason Rabin http://blastmagazine.com/?p=47433
1 out of 4 stars

If a movie can tug at your heartstrings, "Charlie St. Cloud," attempts to yank them out with pliers, relentlessly, for the full, tidy 90 minutes.

Adapted from the novel "The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud," by Ben Sherwood, this tame, supernatural romance, in which Zac Efron talks to cute dead people, features a high school graduation, a plucky single mom, a scrappy athlete, a young man sent to war, a young child in peril, thwarted ambition, thwarted romance and grieving of every kind, all over a constant swell of strings instructing you to go ahead and let in the pain.

Director: Burr Steers
Writers: Greg Pearce, Lewis Collick (Adapted from the novel, “The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, by Ben Sherwood)
Starring: Zac Efron and Amanda Crew
Rated: PG-13

Efron is St. Cloud, a golden boy who races sailboats (yet is mysteriously said to be poor) by a beautiful island said to be off the coast of Massachusetts, (although it is strangely mountainous for eastern Mass.). His sailing prowess has won him a scholarship to Stanford, but he throws it away when tragedy strikes. St. Cloud blames himself for the sudden death of his adorable younger brother Sam (Charlie Tahan). In a constant state of penance, he defers his acceptance to college, taking a job overseeing the grounds of the town graveyard, and taking daily trips a secluded spot in the woods, where he believes he is meeting with Sam to keep the promise he made before the tragedy, to teach his little brother to throw a baseball.

St. Cloud’s fall from grace, his morbidity, and his isolation, have given him a reputation with many of the townies as a kook, while his dreaminess and lack of availability have made him a legend among the local teenage girls. When hot young sailboat racer Tess (Amanda Crew), traipses through the graveyard to huddle in a cleavagey heap by the grave of her father, St. Cloud has to pull himself together to try to win her heart, even if it means risking his sacred mourning rituals. When Tess becomes a damsel in distress, the stakes get higher—he must really pull himself together, and really risk.

"Charlie St. Cloud" features some beautiful and genuinely romantic pictures of the Vancouver locations offered up as small-town New England. It also has some charming actors, most notably, the very funny Charlie Tahan, as young, Sam St. Cloud. But this movie is what it is: a brazen, unadulterated schmaltz bomb hurled toward teenage girls: the "Twilight" market. I overheard one, as I left the theater, say that she "cried within the first 10 minutes." I felt like crying too, but for different reasons.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/charlie-st-cloud-review/feed/ 1 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/love-hapens-and-it-hurts/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/love-hapens-and-it-hurts/#comments Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:36:31 +0000 Emma Rose Johnson http://blastmagazine.com/?p=26591
1.5 out of 4 stars

One of the dirty little secrets of film critique is that sometimes the hardest part of writing a review is finding something to say. Sometimes the movie is so superfluous, so mediocre, so obviously destined for obscurity that, really, why should you care what I have to say about it?

Such is my difficulty in writing this review for “Love Happens” a colorless, ordinary story about love and loss in Seattle. Burke (Aaron Eckhart) is a lovelorn self-help guru who’s made a killing helping people through their grief and created a motivational brand terribly named “A-Okay!”

Of course, Burke could use some help of his own in dealing with the sudden death of his wife three years ago, which he’s never recovered from. Cue Eloise, the vibrant, “quirky” florist who fills her world with flowers and a funky turquoise van to administer off-beat healing. And, of course, cue their friends: a shlubby manager for Burke (Dan Fogler) and a beat poet radical feminist for Eloise (poor Judy Greer, who’s always the funky friend and deserves so much better).

Directed by: Brandon Camp
Written by: Brandon Camp and Mike Thompson
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Jennifer Aniston, Martin Sheen
Rated: PG-13
Runtime: 109 minutes

“Love Happens” seems like a relic in this day and age — a copycat of “Sleepless in Seattle” and other Meg Ryan atrocities. The plot, the characters, the very aura of this movie is so musty and overused that it seems silly even thinking about it beyond the original viewing.

But really, what is really disconcerting is that the people who have to say the lines are so good. In the hands of a better director, Eckhart and Aniston would make a terrific romantic duo. They have the same kind of likability; the same kind of down-to-earth prettiness that makes me believe they could really be attracted to each other. It doesn’t hurt either that Camp didn’t pair Eckhart with some 22-year-old ingƒ©nue, as directors are so wont to do these days, but rather with a gorgeous a woman his own age. But neither Eckhart nor Aniston can move beyond the banality of the plot and completely unimaginative film-making.

The one aspect of this film that works is its depiction of how people experience grief. At one point an elderly admirer tells Burke that his advice to remember her dead husband’s likes and dislikes was very helpful to her. “So say hello to my Stanley!” she says brightly, opening an urn, which has been filled with oatmeal cookies made out of her dead husband’s ashes. “They were his favorite!”

Yes, it’s gross, and it’s weird. But isn’t that what grief is? There is no “right” way to deal with grief, only your way. The point is that it needs to be dealt with. In many ways, this woman’s unholy baking is healthier than Burke’s constant denial.

The other bright spot is Martin Sheen, who thankfully appears as Burke’s father-in-law. Sheen can make reading out of the phone book captivating, and he imbues his tiny role with blustery sweetness and good humor. In fact he’s the last person we see in the film; it seems even Camp knew how to exit this dour redundancy with at least one thing to talk about.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/entertainment/movies/reviews-movies/love-hapens-and-it-hurts/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/lesbians-love-v-day-too/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/lesbians-love-v-day-too/#comments Sun, 01 Feb 2009 04:00:43 +0000 Leysha Penfold http://blastmagazine.com/?p=7591

Valentine’s Day is an age-old tradition; a day set aside for exchanging love with your partner via gifts or cards. ‚ Some may argue it’s another heterosexual “Hallmark” invention but according to a current poll on lesbian dating and community site PinkSofa.com, 93 percent of lesbians embrace it.

So how do most lesbians like to celebrate Valentine’s Day and what should you bestow upon your sweetheart to keep those flames burning? According to a third of the 1,700 lesbian respondents, the number one most wanted gift was a romantic weekend getaway.

If that’s out of the budget you could always consider the next two most popular wishes. Simply some loving kisses or, for something more rigorous, a full body massage with essential oils. ‚ For those more inclined in the kitchen she’d probably be content with a home-cooked candlelight dinner, an option more favored than taking her out for a meal.

If none of the above appeal your lover, you are starting to get into dangerous waters.‚  The rest of the preferences were chosen by 5 percent or less, although it seems hard to argue with their choice, ‚ who said they would love to receive a poem written just for them.

Surprisingly a dozen red roses, a champagne bubble bath or a box of chocolates are just not going to cut it. Forget the practical approach such as a hardware store gift certificate too, that will get you nowhere. And‚ don’t even surprise her with a ring, only 2 percent of women chose that option.

So, all things considered, it seems you need to save your pennies, pack the lip balm and candles, and get your maps out to start planning that weekend trip. If you combine the top four most popular Valentine desires you will be golden.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/kinky-stuff/love-and-romance/lesbians-love-v-day-too/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/10-tips-for-long-distance-relationships/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/10-tips-for-long-distance-relationships/#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:00:27 +0000 Blast Magazine Newsroom http://blastmagazine.com/?p=6703

(ARA) “" You finally met the person of your dreams. There’s just one small problem — you live hundreds of miles apart and neither of you is able or willing to move. You face the challenge of the “long distance relationship” — a lifestyle choice for about 25 million people around the world.

Long distance relationships (LDRs) are on the rise and a diverse range of people are involved. About 15 million people in the United States consider themselves to be in some form of LDR, according to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. Of those, 3.6 million are married people who live apart for reasons other than marital discord, and about 4 million are college students in some form of premarital LDR, studies show.

“Greater economic migration, online dating, the need to travel for work and increased military deployment have all contributed to the increase in the number of LDRs in our culture,” says Michelle Callahan, celebrity relationship expert, developmental psychologist and co-host of the hit reality-show competition “Queen Bees” on The N. “Commuter marriages and the concept of “Ëœliving apart, together’ are gaining social acceptance. Society has accepted long distance relationships as viable options.”

Contrary to what was once popular belief, studies have shown that long distance relationships can, and often do, succeed — at least as well as relationships in which the couples live together or live close to each other. Nor are couples in LDRs any more likely to cheat on each other than are “proximal” couples, although the LDR mates do tend to worry more about the risk of an affair, studies show.

So how do you make your long distance relationship work? Callahan offers 10 simple tips to manage long distance relationships:

1. Understand your relationship.

Don’t make assumptions about the exclusivity of your relationship. Get to know each other well and when the time is right, discuss where things are going. Try to be understanding of your partner’s needs and whether a long distance relationship is going to work for each of you.

2. Communicate regularly

Whether by phone, e-mail, webcam, etc., share the mundane and routine as well as the special and significant.

3. Use technology.

Video chat programs such as ooVoo have become best friends to those in LDRs since you can connect to anyone in the world for free. Connecting face-to-face is significantly more intimate than having a phone conversation. You can see your loved one, read his or her body language and pick up on subtle messages that can be lost over the phone or misinterpreted completely via e-mail or instant messaging. In addition to enabling you to chat live with your sweetheart over the Internet, ooVoo also allows you to record one-minute video messages to send to your loved one. Visit www.ooVoo.com to learn more.

4. Do things together despite the distance.

Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously and video chat about it after or during. Read a book at the same time. Exchange recipes and prepare meals at the same time while on the phone or on ooVoo. Parents can use video chat to read to their children.

5. Send care packages every once in awhile.

Pack it with unexpected surprises that remind them of you, like books, music, puzzles, candies, flowers, gift cards, a movie ticket or a personalized poem. The more personalized you make the gifts, the more impact they will have.

6. Remind yourself of the advantages of being apart.

That’s including more time with friends and family, no arguments over bathroom time or conflicting habits, the ability to maintain your individuality, possible financial benefits and the pleasure of seeing your loved one again after a long absence.

7. Don’t be afraid to disagree.

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship and can be healthy if managed properly. When it’s time to confront your partner, do so over video chat rather than by phone or e-mail. Written communication can be misconstrued and never taken back, and verbal conversations alone lack the visual cues needed in emotional situations.

8. Visit as often as budgets and schedules allow.

But avoid placing too much pressure on physical meetings. If a visit does not go well, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Even close proximity relationships go through peaks and valleys.

9. Be realistic.

Jealousy, over-control and drama are poison to a relationship. Be realistic — just because you can’t be together all the time doesn’t mean either of you should live in social isolation. Accept that your partner needs an active social life, just as you do.

10. Know when to call it a day.

We’ve all stayed in relationships after they have ceased to be healthy, and LDRs are especially susceptible to the problem since warning signs can be missed or confrontation avoided.

“Like traditional, close-proximity relationships, long distance relationships require hard work and communication” Callahan says. “But with modern technology making it easier than ever to stay in touch with loved ones, there’s no reason why you and your significant other can’t enjoy a very happy life together … apart.”

Courtesy of ARAcontent

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/10-tips-for-long-distance-relationships/feed/ 3 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/why-we-love-boston/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/why-we-love-boston/#comments Sun, 14 Dec 2008 04:00:53 +0000 Liz McClendon http://blastmagazine.com/?p=6411

Looking for a great place to rock around the Christmas tree this holiday season? Not looking to do it alone? Well, Forbes.com has unveiled its list of the 40 cities where you are statistically bound to find someone to meet you under the mistletoe.

Boston, home of Blast, was ranked lucky 7. Just barely beating New York City. To determine the rankings, Forbes looked at 40 of the largest cities in the US and ranked them according to “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles”. Although some categories might leave you a little skeptical (“coolness” was determined by a poll that simply asked “Among the following U.S. cities, which one do you think is the coolest?”), the rankings are pretty interesting. Boston seems to fit rather fairly into the number 7 slot with a population of 4,058,570, with 29.09 percent of it being single.

Amongst the the criteria for ranking was online dating and Sam Yagan, owner of OkCupid.com and CrazyBlindDate.com which has a “chapter” in Boston, would have expected Boston to rank higher.

“It surprises me a little bit. I thought Boston would rank higher, just because there are so many young singles there and it’s such an easy place to be out and about,” Yagan said. Boston is one of the most popular cities on OKCupid.com for people between 18 and 34 he explained.

“The colleges absolutely have something to do with it. People who are in school are always dating – they are living in a dating bubble -there are lots of opportunities to get together, whether it’s parties or research around campus, and they have much more flexible schedule,” Yagan added, “On the other hand, the nightlife does tend to end a little early.”

That seems to be the main downside to Boston. Young adults are willing to stay out all night, but don’t really get that opportunity with Boston’s early bedtime – unlike New York, Las Vegas , and Miami, where the nightlife never ends. Boston’s saving grace in this category is its people. The night might end early, but the quality of the company might be a little higher than in other cities according to the polls.

“I’ve been single in both cities [Boston and New York] and I run a dating sight which also gives me insight,” Yagan said, “and I think that obviously NY nightlife goes much later, it’s usually 4 o’clock before most places think about closing, but Boston is more accessible and more casual. They’re not worried quite as much about what you wear, and in NY people are more focused on flaunting their wealth.”

Michael Winter, promoter for Saint one of Boston’s popular clubs, agrees. “As far as the people go, our people [Bostonians] tend to run clubs all over the country. Our people tend to be a lot more street smart and book smart. If you go to Vegas, a lot of the nightclubs there are run by Boston kids. I think we have a smarter breed … most of these kids have college degrees to boot. We’re a lot more real.”

Bostonians are apparently a lot more cultured, too, ranking second only to Los Angeles in the ranking’s categories. The Theatre District, array of musical groups and venues ranging from The Boston Symphony Orchestra to The Paradise have a lot to offer in the way of cultural diversity.

As Mark Twain once wrote, “In New York they ask ‘how much money does he have?’ In Philadelphia, they ask, ‘who were his parents?’ In Boston they ask, ‘how much does he know?’”. Boston is a thriving city of culture and colleges and a great place to meet other singles if you’re willing to spend a little quality time in a library or cafe rather than the discos.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/why-we-love-boston/feed/ 0 http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/the-occasional-romantic/ http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/the-occasional-romantic/#comments Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:26:49 +0000 Blast Magazine Newsroom http://blastmagazine.com/?p=3355

Ever so often we get a piece that is nice and that we love to share with the world. With the fall comes the drop of old leaves and the promise of new ones in the Spring. Like this little piece says, change is a good thing. If you read Blast and have something to share, email us editors.

Your arms.

What to say about your arms? The comfort and warmth
they gave. The habit and tolerance they eventually
came to represent.

Now, I don’t have those arms. I have no expectation,
no routine. I have no worries or concerns.

It was hard to give up those arms, that smile, those
eyes; which I came to realize did not care for me as
much as I cared back. At the same time, its nice to
meet new arms, new smiles, new eyes; that prove to me
I can be liked.

Peace at the fact that other arms can provide that
comfort and warmth, without asking for more in return,
brings me joy. Happiness over knowing that custom
shouldn’t be stronger than love, gives me hope.

Now, I can think of the past and not miss those arms.
I have new arms that welcome me, with an open heart.

]]> http://blastmagazine.com/the-magazine/culturefashion/the-occasional-romantic/feed/ 0