I’ve been in a pissy mood lately when it comes to card games.

Since moving to Boston in 2002, it’s been all poker, poker, poker. I like poker. I’ve made money at poker. I’ve paid for a trip to Vegas in the Harrah’s poker room. Though, I’m an awful tournament player (ask Mark Scalia).

It seems like computerized card games have boiled down to solitaire and poker, with every geek’s dream of going to the World Series.

I didn’t learn how to play poker for real until college. Growing up, we had two games: setback with my friends and pinochle with the family.

I’ve been really pleased to see Pinochle making an appearance on more and more commercial products, but no one has gotten it right yet with the rules and the artificial intelligence. (you’ll see an Old Shoebox article in a few weeks about someone who DID get it in 1993)

Reel Deal Card Games ’09 includes but doesn’t at all understand pinochle, but I’m not going to dwell on that fact any longer.

What you do get is more than 80 games and free online multiplayer, which is nice, but there aren’t exactly a ton of people lining up to play.

Phanton EFX, the game’s publisher, did manage to put together a good platform. What they should have done was give it away and just sell advertising on the multiplayer servers.

The artificial intelligence, while cute and often entertaining, is just really stupid. They get the rules wrong a log, they bet, raise and fold without any obvious reason in the poker games, but most of all they just aren’t programmed to understand the subtle nuances of most of the complicated games. (pinochle)

The game, packaged on two CDs, includes Harts, Bridge, Cribbage, Canasta, Golf, Rummy 500, spades, War, Pinochle, Gin, All Fives, Wist, Euchre, Pitch, Old Maid, Spite & Malice, Go Fish, Skat, Pepper, Crazy Eights, Memory Match, seven poker games, Blackjack, and 45 solitaires. As you play the games, you earn points towards virtual prizes, and that’s just ducky.

If you’re looking for a PC cards game, I’ve seen worse, and better.

Warning: Oh Crave Entertainment … I’m so sorry. This a complete rant. I’m glad you put Pinochle into your game, but you failed to account for house rules. And Pinochle players take their game very seriously.

Normally, the chance to play Pinochle on my PlayStation would make me jump up and down and recommend the game no matter what the shortcomings.

But no. They messed up the rules.

Well clearly the integration with the PlayStation 2 Eye Toy and challenging others over broadband would just be awesome.

But no. I don’t think anyone actually owns the game.

Then, surely a challenging computer opponent and feisty computer teammate would result in hours of addictive entertainment in your game package, which includes Spades, Hearts, Rummy, bridge, Crazy 8′s and 10 kinds of Solitaire, right? No, no, NO, god dammit, NO.

How on Earth do you muck up CARDS? CARDS? It’s one of the most basic principles of video games. People have been doing it in computer games forever, and I have been reviewing card games since I was 13 years old. (The awful, awful writing is evident.)

Pinochle. It is my family game. I’ve been playing it since I was 4 years old, and I’m escatic to see it in a PlayStation 2 video game, but there are just two problems. The first problem is that the artificial intelligence is not intelligent, usually just throwing out cards without much strategy. And forget about online play.

Second of all, the rules are different and can’t be changed. Yes, I know there are more house rules and family rules in Pinochle than Monopoly, but I play a pretty standard (I think) game. Min. bid is 150, single deck, no passing cards, no auction bidding. In some games, I’ve seen players use two decks and teams pass cards around, but I’ve only seen card passing with double deck.

In World Championship Cards, bidding starts at 15 instead of 150, (manageable) and four cards get passed between the teammates who take the bid (stupid). Still, it’s Pinochle getting some sort of commercial recognition. I think it should be an Olympic sport, personally, or at least on ESPN with million-dollar tournaments.

Here’s the bottom line before I shut myself up finally. The AI isn’t smart, some of the rules are different, like no jokers in the game spades, but there’s enough of a variety to potentially justify spending the $7 that Amazon’s sellers are asking for the game. That is, of course, if you need another video card game product. Of course you do.