I am really trying to write this review without sounding like a humorless shrew. It’s not going well.

I admit, I tapped out of the this movie mentally from the moment a bunch of drunken teenagers shoved a little person into an oven to keep him from punching people in the groin. (You wouldn’t think a little person punching people in the groin would be a tired cliche already, but you would be wrong.)

This movie wasn’t meant for me anyway, of course. This is a movie with a title that was only supposed to be working title, starring a guy who’s previous credits include an episode of “iCarly.” It’s that movie about a bunch of horny nerds who throw a party that runs out of control. The party is for sweet, nerdy Pasadena resident Thomas (Thomas Mann), planned and executed by his friends, New York-born Costa (Oliver Cooper) and Lothario-in-training JB (Jonathan Daniel Brown), and recorded by the slightly-sinister AV-fanatic Dax (Dax Flame), who in one captured image displays more personality than the other three combined. The party, obviously runs out of control, and ends up involving the aforementioned little person, a lot of humping and grinding, broken limbs, naked high school girls in the pool and the bouncy castle, and culminating in an angry ecstasy dealer with a flame-thrower.

The entire evening is “captured” by Dax’s camera, giving the movie a home-video quality that was edgy and cool, oh, about 10 years ago. The jokes are from 10 years ago as well, based on the idea that rubbing your friend’s toothbrush on a soap bar and calling them a fag when they won’t drink is hilarious.

There is a certain amount of this one should expect. This is a movie by and for teenage boys — crazed, stupid hormone monsters who for the most part want nothing more than to steal their parents’ liquor, set things on fire and watch a topless girl jump in a bouncy castle. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s part of the human condition; and just because they are crazed, stupid hormone monsters doesn’t mean they don’t have complex internal lives and souls. It doesn’t mean their stories don’t deserve to be told.

But there’s a difference between accepting a teenage male’s appetite for destruction and naked young women, and acting as if those instincts are heroic or, God help me, revolutionary. When Thomas climbs to the roof of his home and discovers just how many people are running rampant in his neighborhood (and all for him), he reacts with the joy and gravitas of a young, sweaty Caesar. He then gives the finger to the news helicopter flying overhead, howling something that I believe was supposed to be an incitement or call to action. But it didn’t look like a hero surveying his domain, or a rebel asserting his victory. It looked like a drunk, spoiled brat from Southern California destroying his parents’ home.

As magnificently repulsive as the party itself is, the denouement is just, well, repulsive. Thomas’ party has inadvertently destroyed his house and his neighborhood, obliterated his parents savings, and generally turned him into a scummy guy. But it’s totally ok, because he’s popular now! Plus the girl he likes still likes him, even though he hooked up with someone else in a drug-induced haze. And his father literally pats him on the back for having so many people at his birthday party. It’s all good, man!

It’s a weird moral at the very least, but that’s the fantasy behind “Project X”: not that a nerd could have the craziest party in history, but that you could destroy an entire suburb and get away with it. You could be revered for it, loved for it, re-made from a drunken little piss-ant into a god of hedonism and destruction. And maybe it’s my shrewishness rearing its ugly head, but bro? That is not cool.

Who needs a boyfriend when you're this fabulous? (Media Credit/Nicole Chan)

Stores have been jamming Valentine’s Day down our throats for at least a month now. There’s no other holiday in existence that can make so many otherwise intelligent, independent women feel so bad about themselves just because they don’t have a significant other. It doesn’t help that as we get older, more and more of our friends start to settle down. Valentine’s Day can take a real shot at your self-worth if you let it, dictating that someone should want to be with you every Feb. 14.

We all know it just doesn’t work that way. At some point, and in my case repeatedly,  you’re going to be single on Valentine’s Day — and that’s okay!

Being single does not make you unloved: Your family and friends love you. I hear your objection of, “That’s not the point!” But love is love, and why shouldn’t it be celebrated in whatever form it comes in? We all remember that moment on the ultimate single gal’s show, “Sex and the City,” when Mr. Big tells Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha, “You three know (Carrie) better than anyone. You’re the loves of her life and a guy’s just lucky to come in fourth.” Having awesome friends is just as important as having a kick-ass significant other. So instead of throwing yourself a pity party, I suggest you gather your single girlfriends and throw a girls’ night bash free from the overcrowded restaurants with clichéd pre fixe menus and so much red and pink it looks like Cupid threw up in there.

Here’s what you’ll need.

What would a girls’ night be without a few cocktails? Cheers to the friends who love you no matter what!

Love Potion #9

1 ounce strawberry, vanilla or clear vodka
1/2 ounce white crème de cacao
1/2 cup fresh or frozen strawberries
1 scoop of vanilla ice cream
1/2 cup ice
1 strawberry for garnish

Pour the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. Pour into a chilled margarita glass. Garnish with a strawberry.

Chocolate covered strawberries. They’re sexy and sweet, and there’s always an excuse for chocolate. Making them together is a great group activity, and you know all the attached girls will be missing out when their guys present them with generic boxes of cheap chocolates. Gather a smorgasbord of toppings for extra flair. I like sprinkles, crushed Andes mints, crushed nuts and shredded coconut.

6 ounces semisweet chocolate, finely chopped, or semisweet chocolate chips
1 pound large ripe strawberries (about 20)

Wash strawberries, leaving stems on, and pat dry thoroughly with paper towels. Set aside at room temperature. In microwave-safe bowl, melt chocolate in microwave on either defrost setting or 10 percent power for one minute. Stir. Continue microwaving at 10 to 20 second intervals, stirring after each time, until chocolate is melted.  Line a baking sheet with wax paper. While holding the stem, dip each strawberry in chocolate one at a time, twirling as you remove each strawberry. Sprinkle on desired topping(s). Place strawberries on baking sheet. When all strawberries have been dipped, place baking sheet in refrigerator for 15 minutes or keep at room temperature for 30 minutes, until chocolate is set. Serve strawberries the same day they are dipped.

For white chocolate drizzle (optional), melt 3 ounces chopped white chocolate and use a fork to drizzle it over the dipped strawberries.

A great chick flick. Take advantage of a night with the ladies and watch all of your favorite tearjerkers, such as “Dirty Dancing,” “Beaches,” “Ghost” and “The Notebook.” A marathon of “Sex and the City” on DVD is another great choice.

A jewelry and/or clothing swap. You might not have a man, but a girl can never  have too many clothes and accessories. Have your friends bring unwanted items of clothing and/or jewelry and set up a swap. Use this as an opportunity to rid your closet of clothes you just don’t wear, and add cute new items to your wardrobe — for free!

In today’s world, there are plenty of great reasons to be single by choice; maybe you don’t ever want to be married, maybe you’re simply not looking, maybe you want to focus on your career and on being independent, or maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet. Whatever the reason, instead of moping that you haven’t found The One for you, you should be thanking your lucky stars you didn’t settle and end up with the wrong person. For every great guy out there, there’s at least one terrible guy who hasn’t grown up yet and maybe never will. People are putting off settling down for longer than ever before, according to “USA Today,” to go to school, to travel and to just enjoy being young. In a world where we are often overwhelmed or paralyzed by choice, we can at least be proud that we are choosing to embrace our single selves.  So to the still-single ladies of 2011, let’s take it easy on ourselves this year. It’s a jungle out there.

‘Tis the season to rejoice with good company and a stiff drink! When planning a holiday party, creating the cocktail menu can be difficult. An open bar is costly and unoriginal, whereas having just one signature drink lacks diversity to suit your guests’ alcoholic desires.

The most effective solution is to create a small, cost-efficient drink menu with items that everyone can enjoy, whether their preferences are spicy, sweet, or a little bit of both. The menu should contain unique cocktails that will separate your drinks from the boring Irish coffees, eggnogs and spiked ciders of parties past.

Trina Sturm, owner of Trina’s Starlite Lounge in Somerville, Mass., and a front-runner on drinkboston.com’s Best Boston Bartenders list, has a solution to this drink dilemma. Sturm has created a menu of three holiday cocktails with distinct yet related tastes that are sure to please your guests without sticking to the ho-hum classics and throwing creativity out of your tinseled window.

Rum BBC
2 oz. Old Monk rum
1 oz. cinnamon syrup
3 oz. hot water
top with bar spoon of bourbon butter

The Adirondack
2 1/2 oz. butter-infused bourbon
1/2 oz. pure maple syrup

Santa’s Little Stinger
3 oz. candy cane-infused VS Cognac
serve with a mini candy cane

Each of these options toy with the season’s favorite flavors while forming a cohesive holiday-themed drink menu. The Rum BBC is spicy whereas the Adirondack is sweet, but both boast the smooth undertones of buttery bourbon. Santa’s Little Stinger is a happy balance of the Rum BBC and the Adirondack, with the cognac’s spicy peppermint and sweet smooth vanilla flavors complementing its woodiness.

Whether you’re waiting for Santa or you don’t believe in the old guy, the “J” Connection wants you to get out of your pajamas on Christmas Eve and into your cocktail attire. It’s time for the 15^th annual J Ball!

The “J” Connection, a Boston-based organization for Jewish professionals, is hosting two parties: a rock star bash at The Estate for party-goers in their 20s and 30s and a 40-plus dance party at the Kiki Lounge. Guests at both events will enjoy complimentary cocktails and hors d’oeuvres until 9:30 p.m.

All guests will be entered to win tickets to the Resolution Ball New Year’s Eve event!

Details

Guests of all religious persuasions are invited to attend, but they must be 21-plus!

When: Friday, December 24, 2010. 8:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. Doors open at 8 p.m.

Where: The Estate and the Kiki Lounge, One Boylston Place, Boston

Tickets: $25 in advance or $30 at the door. For tickets and more information, go here or call 781-444-7771.

According to a November 2009 cable from the American Consulate in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, put online by Wikileaks on Tuesday, the elite young people there “party like the rest of the world.”

“Behind the facade of Wahabi conservatism in the streets, the underground nightlife for Jeddah’s elite youth is thriving and throbbing. The full range of worldly temptations and vices are available — alcohol, drugs, sex — but strictly behind closed doors. This freedom to indulge carnal pursuits is possible merely because the religious police keep their distance when parties include the presence or patronage of a Saudi royal and his circle of loyal attendants…”

Jeddah is on the coast of the Red Sea and is the major urban center of western Saudi Arabia. It is the largest port on the Red Sea and second largest city in Saudi Arabia. The population is about 3.4 million.

The party scene has recently been pushed further underground due to a recent increase in religious conservatism, the cable reads.

On Halloween 2009, Consulate employees attended a party with more than 150 young Saudis, mostly in their 20s and 30s, at a house of a Saudi prince.

“…the scene resembled a nightclub anywhere outside the Kingdom: plentiful alcohol, young couples dancing, a DJ at the turntables, and everyone in costume. Funding for the party came from a corporate sponsor, XXXXXXa U.S.-based energy-drink company as well as from the princely host himself,” the cable reads.

The party was under a strict guest list, and Saudi religious police, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, were nowhere to be found.

Young people try to throw these kinds of parties at the house of a Saudi prince or elsewhere as long as a prince attends. There are more than 10,000 Saudi princes, so finding one is not difficult.

The cable also says that drugs and prostitutes were readily available.

Alcohol, though strictly prohibited by Saudi law and custom, was plentiful at the party’s well-stocked bar, well-patronized by Halloween revellers. (SIC) The hired Filipino bartenders served a cocktail punch using “sadiqi,” a locally-made “moonshine.” While top-shelf liquor bottles were on display throughout the bar area, the original contents were reportedly already consumed and replaced by sadiqi. On the black market, a bottle of Smirnoff can cost 1,500 riyals when available, compared to 100 riyals for the locally-made vodka. It was also learned through word-of-mouth that a number of the guests were in fact “working girls,” not uncommon for such parties. Additionally, though not witnessed directly at this event, cocaine and hashish use is common in these social circles and has been seen on other occasions.

“Saudi youth get to enjoy relative social freedom and indulge fleshly pursuits, but only behind closed doors — and only the rich,” the cable reads toward the bottom.

Jorge Hernandez became so frustrated with Bush that when Obama was running for President of the United States he was more than ready to support him.‚  A music industry professional, he ventured into the world of party planning by designing a “Georgie is Outta Here” party in a box set. Now, he is successfully selling them online.

All the items, which include paper plates, cups, party hats, napkins, balloons, a table cloth with “Bush-isms,” and the infamous “Pin the Tail on the Ass’s Ass” game,‚ are branded with the logo Hernandez created of an animated Bush face with Dumbo-like ears.

“It’s a really provocative product,” Hernandez said. “I knew it would be something that people would talk about and pass along. I am a long time Bush critic, a year and a half ago I just started talking about having an Inauguration party to celebrate that he was gone and the idea would not leave me alone. I played with designs and put the party pack together.”

The design and the items to sell were not difficult to choose. However, finding a manufacturer to brand all the products was.

“From manufacturing to producing about two thirds of the original manufacturers refused to print the design. While finding a replacement one guy said, ‘I don’t care what you print, I put porn on plates.’ I sent him the design of Bush’s face and he called five minutes later saying he couldn’t print that. People are either extremely offended or extremely supportive and some think they’re going to get in trouble, or something, but the response has been on the two extremes,” Hernandez explained.

The party kit can be purchased online for $39.99, with rush delivery available, so that you can celebrate in style this January 20. There are also t-shirts and trucker hats available.‚  Hernandez also added that the product does not, in any way, disrespect the office of the president. His intention was to celebrate the departure of a man who made several wrong decisions and welcome someone, “competent, educated, inclusive and thoughtful,” who will help mend our divided country.

“I’m surprised to see how this product has been embraced by people across party lines. ‚ It’s a cathartic product for anyone who has felt totally powerless to express his or her disdain and frustration these last eight years.” Hernandez said. “It’s already creating this movement for people to have full on celebratory Inauguration parties all across the country.”

George Bush Party In A Box (Georgie Is Outta Here!) @ Yahoo! Video