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ENFIELD, Conn. — My feeling is this: the only possible way that “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” could have been spawned is if the following conversation took place, in some undisclosed location with a pair of undisclosed Fox studio executives. Let’s call them Character and Assassination.

Character: Hey, even though the third X-Men was a pile of cow dung, everybody still likes Wolverine, right?

Assassination: Please. The better question is, who doesn’t like Hugh Jackman? That guy’s awesome.

Character: So let’s make a movie about him, throw in a lot of gratuitous cameos of other mutants — but let’s twist their personalities and abilities to the point where they are unrecognizable.

Assassination: Great idea! And let’s the film the entire thing on green screens! Think Lucas will give us a hand? He’s an expert at ruining franchises.

Character: Pshaw, think about how much that’ll cost? Instead, let’s blow our whole FX budget showing Sabretooth’s fingernails growing in extreme closeup, accompanied by Liev Schreiber’s sardonic smirk.

Assassination: I like the way you think. Maybe we could add a couple unfunny pithy one-liners. But what happens besides that?

Character: Doesn’t really matter. We could just have Wolverine get into a lot of pointless fights that don’t advance the plot at all. And he could growl a lot, sort of like Darth Vader in “Revenge of the Sith.” That was the best part, am I right?

Assassination: Totally. But what other mutants should we include?

Character: Well, the fans have been asking for Gambit.

Assassination: The only way I’ll allow that is if he drops his Cajun accent five minutes into the film, and also appears out of nowhere several times.

Character: It’s a deal. Also, let’s cast Van Wilder and Charlie from “Lost” somehow. And that guy from the Yes We Can video. I’m thinking we could tell them they’ll play cool mutants from the comics and then make their characters about a hundred times more stupid.

Assassination: With pleasure! And let’s abuse Cyclops again. I really just can’t stand that guy.

Character: How will we keep continuity with the other movies? For that matter, Liev Schreiber doesn’t look anything like the guy who played Sabretooth the first time, does he?

Assassination: Don’t worry about it. Just call him “Victor” the entire time and give him less hair. The audience won’t even know he’s supposed to be Sabretooth.

Character: Genius. You ready to film this thing, then?

Assassination: Yeah. But should we worry about the plot at all?

Character: Are you kidding? We’ll have as many plot holes as the amount of bloodless stab wounds. Gotta keep it PG-13.

Assassination: Let’s do this thing!

There you have it, folks. Now, that might come off as the bitter ranting of a disappointed geek — which I admittedly am — but the truth of the matter is that this was a bad, bad film regardless of geek affiliation or lack thereof.

The production values were uneven at best and laughable at worst; there are scenes where I had to fight not to laugh, both at the bad CGI and painful dialogue. It was like watching the part in “Return of the King” where the hobbits are frolicking in bed together.

The plot was disjointed and frankly made very little sense. All the themes and questions that Bryan Singer and company developed in the first two X-Men films — and yes, even the abominable Brett Ratner contributed to those in the third X-Men — are completely absent here. Yes, it’s intended to be a different franchise, I understand that, but it is also supposedly set in the same universe. But no, the only continuity in this film was Jackman himself.

Ah! There it is: the film’s sole redeeming quality! Hugh Jackman is again excellent in the role, balancing the fan favorite “best at what he does, but what he does isn’t very nice” aspect of Wolverine with the human side. Jackman clearly has a love for this role and this character, and he played the different sides of the Wolverine beautifully. One such moment was near the end of the film, when Logan loses his memories. The change in attitude, in voice, was so perfectly on par with the Logan we see in X-Men 1 and 2 that I could only smile.

But unfortunately, one good performance doesn’t save a film riddled with inconsistency, stupidity, absurdity, and a lot of other nouns that end in “Y,” nor does that performance render the film watchable.

It’s a shame, really — and I do hate to say it — but the bottom line here is to stay away from “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.”

Stay far, far away.

BRISBANE, Australia — At least 181 people have been confirmed dead and thousands of homes have been destroyed in Victoria’s worst bushfire disaster.

According to ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) online, Victorian police are prepared for the death toll to reach 300 pending formal identification and retrieval of the dead.

Police Chief Commissioner Christine Nixon has warned the public to be prepared for more fatalities.

“We are going house by house and street by street to search for bodies … and we have some cause to believe there are clearly more people who have died in this fire,” she said.

Many of the deceased died in their cars whilst trying to escape the fires but were quickly overcome by the flames.

Over 4200 calls were made to the state’s emergency hotline as fires approached residential areas.

According to the Herald Sun, emergency hotline operators (000) were forced to listen “to terrified Victorians dying over the phone,” when help could not reach them in time.

Police forensic experts have the grim and time consuming job of identifying the dead, a nearly impossible feat considering the extreme heat of the fire.

Police are also looking for a man suspected of starting two fires on the outskirts of Melbourne (the capital city of Victoria.)

Although the blazes were quickly extinguished, the Country Fire Authority warns that they had the potential to become major fires.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has angrily condemned any arsonists responsible for lighting fires while speaking with Channel 9 reporters, saying that there are no other words to describe the arson than “mass murder.”

Survivors of the bushfire disaster have taken refuge in hastily erected centers and continue to wait for funds and supplies.

Australians have rallied for the bushfire victims raising $21.5 million for the Red Cross Bushfire Appeal, which aired on the Nine Network last night.

Several A-list stars such as Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Anthony LaPaglia, Miranda Kerr, Orlando Bloom, Ellen DeGeneres, Hugh Jackman and Rachel Griffiths, lent their support to the cause.

Australian Olympians as well as NRL (National Rugby League) and AFL (Australian Football League) players worked in the call center, as people from all over Australia phoned in to donate money.

In a surprise appearance at today’s Comic-con Fox event, Hugh Jackman arrived, “directly off the plane” from the set of Wolverine after the cast and crew finished filming the final scenes. He brought with him a first look at the film, which Jackman assured the crowd he taped together himself on his plane ride.

From what the reel showed, it seems like the film will follow a Wolverine (Jackman) /Sabertooth (Liev Schrieber) friendship-to-mortal-enemies-type plot line, from their first meeting in a prison cell, through their training in Weapon X under the tutelage of William Stryker (Danny Huston). And yes, from the reel of footage, their was visual proof of a Gambit in the upcoming movie, being played by Taylor Kitsch.

Hugh Jackman seemed just as excited as we all are after the resounding applause for Gambit.