It was a long month packed with news, drama and Britney going to the hospital.

In an homage to Letterman’s return to the air, here are the top 10 things you should come away with in January:

10. Your dog will soon take over the world.

9. Don’t stay on the top floor of a casino.

8. Sony may or may not release a white PS3 and they may or may not put Skype into PSP right away.

7. People are jaded as fuck. The first thing readers asked me when Heath Ledger died was whether or not he would still be The Joker.

6. Geek chic is still sexy.

5. Special orders do upset cops.

4. The rich go to Cedars Sinai Medical Center to have their babies. The poor take their chances elsewhere.

3. Don’t trust everything you read on MySpace.

2. Britney Spears won’t outlive any of us.

And the number 1 piece of knowledge you should come away with in January is:

Miley Cyrus is underage. And she will be for a while.