The roommates and Cece spend a night together in the desert in the "New Girl" season finale.

“New Girl” didn’t start out as a risky move. It was the opposite: a cashing-in on a budding, beautiful movie star’s brand of comedy. The title, the twee theme song, and the “adorkable” label were all signs of a methodical, machine-like approach to putting butts in the seats and churning out the chuckles. Then something happened. Jess became increasingly self-aware, Nick was less of a sad sack and more a sarcastic, self-loathing yet clever cynic, Winston escaped the shackles of “replacement” and gave the loft a necessary injection of responsibility and Schmidt became iconic: a sensational blend of douchey and neurotic, charming and sleazy, “that guy” and an enigma of manhood we hadn’t seen since Ron Swanson came into his own.

All the elements that had us poised to resent this show are still there, but since the pilot the evolution has been profound. Instead of a peculiar set of men with their world thrown off-kilter by an exceptionally quirky girl, they’re a exceptionally quirky bunch of roommates whose world has been thrown into a new orbit now that they have each other. It’s still a sweet tart at times, unbearably lovely, but it has had its darkness buried beneath. All four of them are hopelessly childish in the face of adulthood and their ineptitude at coping with the harshness of life is astonishing, but it’s not like we’re any better at it. They’re just a hell of a lot more lavish in their freakouts.

In the first season’s finale, we see how far the show has come in establishing the essence of New Girl. It’s Jess-ence doesn’t define it, it merely comprises a quarter of its self. What this rookie series became was an ensemble show that might blow “Friends” out of the water one day. It’s already brandishing a more sophisticated humor, as well as a patience and deliberateness for going to the “let’s have these two hookup” well. Also, lives have suffered under the burden of choice, a self-sabotage that gives it a distinctly present viewpoint.

Yes, I’m sure you fellow viewers never bought Nick was going to bolt for a new place with Caroline. It would mess too much with the success. This show would need a season or two more of praise and clout before they could tinker with the formula like that. But as “New Girl’s” prone to do, it took us on a treacherous journey before these people could know what they knew, but refused to acknowledge.

Nick sits the rest of the gang down with cookies and confidence and states, point blank, he’s moving out. Schmidt and Winston makes jokes about how they’ll spend the money which they aren’t funneling into his recoveries, whereas Jess is more distraught. I was extremely relieved this didn’t end with a kiss. I’m so grateful that the grounds for her concern were genuine, and only selfish to the degree that she needs him to be the friend he’s been through her rough patches. Again, somewhere down the line they could get it on, but not now. The timing is not on their side and gimmick is something this show needs to fully reject or it loses its appeal and becomes corporate instead of a rambunctious bunch of twenty-somethings resisting the finality of growing up.

Schmidt and Winston continue to deny their grief by interviewing a new candidate named Neil (frequently seen Thomas London) who would add a remarkable awkwardness to their dynamic, but not a welcome one. Jess tries to scare him with threats of feminist rants, but Schmidt and Winston talk her off the ledge and say they need to act like it doesn’t hurt them as much as it does to lose Nick.

Since Nick’s departure is just a smokescreen, the topsy-turvy change comes from Schmece. After a visit to a photo shoot where she rides a missile with the hunky Gino, Schmidt’s insecurities that he’d been suppressing rise again. He’s convinced he’d be holding her back asking her to stay with him, even though last week saw a huge breakthrough for their emotional intimacy.

Nick says his hurried goodbyes, and Winston and Schmidt come along for the move-in. On the way Nick’s assuredness leaves him and he turns abruptly onto the highway where he mocks his own predictability. “Nick’s having a freakout, what else is new.” After a 140-mile detour, they’re in the desert, and Nick is panicked that his loneliness has made him too hasty. Now he’s so terrified of the situation he’s locked himself into, he hurls his keys to the truck into the ravine. I thought it was a nice touch that Caroline was so understanding. Though she seemed to treat him awfully before, maybe she has changed. But the issue is Nick hasn’t, and he isn’t ready to leave his protective nest where he relishes in his fellow lost souls.

When Jess arrives to save them, she tosses her own keys dooming them to a night in the desert. Winston has a nervous breakdown, terrified by the prospect that he might be eaten because of their foolishness. The gang makes the best of it though and they tailgate the moving van and listen to Nick’s deliciously embarrassing collection of tapes from adolescence. Schmidt reads a suggestive text message from Gino that sends him into a insecurity tailspin. He confides in Jess that he wants to “White Fang” Cece. At first grossed out, thinking that was some kind of violent sex act no doubt, Schmidt clarifies he means “White Fang” the novel. He admires the main character’s sacrifice where he releases the wolf because it is wild, and to be free is what’s best for it. So when the wolf won’t go he tragically throws stones at it till it leaves. It’s a shockingly mature outlook for Schmidt, but I could tell it was rooted in his own feelings of worthlessness and not righteousness or selflessness.

There’s a silly little event that takes away from the emotional stakes by adding symbolic drama to their night in the desert. A coyote that Winston had feared would come—oh yeah, Winston is afraid of the dark and it’s somehow hilarious; and the petrified, girlish scream startled thing is a good look for him—stops Nick and Jess in their tracks. Besides Jess’ “Meep, meep” Road Runner impression that freed them, the best reveal of that segment was how Nick immediately put his hand over her mouth and pulled her in tight. It was the most genuine affection and chemistry I’d seen from them and showed an admirable amount of restraint that they didn’t go for the “big moment” kiss.

When Schmidt confronts Cece, we get the ups and downs of the character. He has his glorious moment where Cece catches him in the act of White Fanging her—its the only book on his Kindle—and he still puts on the show of trying to make her scram like a loving animal. “Go on, git” and all. Then things get heavy when he tells her why he’s pushing her away. His peeping of her phone is absolutely not okay, and Cece should be mad. But when Schmidt drops the bomb, “You slept with me, that doesn’t say much about your taste in men,” it’s a heart wrenching nose dive. I both like and am frustrated that there wasn’t more resolution. It would seem like they’re done, but she just walks away. Maybe they could play with time a bit and the premiere is months later. Because it’s also unclear if Nick and Caroline are kaput too.

Speaking of, once Jess and Nick have the critical talk about what she really wants for Nick, she’s able to endorse his move-in if it is what will truly make him happy. Nick says the poignant line, “But I think you’ll need me too much,” which sounded like, “But I need you.” Jess then comes off surprisingly clear-headed with, “I’ll be okay because I met you.” Again, control and restraint to not go for the jugular, but still cutting deep was expertly done by these writers. In the morning, we learn Jess never threw the keys and just wanted her heart-to-heart with Nick to be sure he was being thoughtful about his decision. They drop him off at the new place and Schmidt Fredo-kisses him! Such a great callback to “Injured,” a superb episode where that concept was first established—That reminds me of another callback; when Nick first left and the creepy landlord Remy appears to lament with Jess, saying he’ll miss the way Nick smelled.

Then in the final scene we see how well these characters have been defined, in their separate rooms, but we also see how it’s strange to not see them thriving together. Winston is trying to overcome his fear of the dark, Schmidt is reading his Success Weekly, and Jess is in her jammies shutting the shades when she sees the moving van parked in the street. Then Nick appears in his old room and blares his tape of “Shook Me All Night Long,” a signal that he is back. The dancing from each is wonderfully poetic as well. Jess does her adorkable thing and whips her hair while jumping on the bed, Schmidt does elegant bed acrobatics, and Winston claps for a time, then bangs on the wall annoyed. It bodes well that the show ends on this note of solidarity that also showcases their separate eccentricities.

It’s a hell of an angle for this show going into next season. Now that we have this golden gang, let’s help they grow apart now that they’ve grown together. For instance, while Winston has had his spectacular instances, he’s been stunted a bit because the rest of his roommates are so much more flamboyant with their problems. Winston still hasn’t carved a notable niche since returning from Latvia. Who will he become? Jess’ romantic life has been a bust, will she find some solace by herself or will her destructive habits continue? Schmidt and Nick grew the most, but they both sabotaged their potentially true loves out of fear. Can those couples recover or are they back to the drawing board? The answers are unimportant, I’m just glad we’ll get to see these kooky kids do it together.

“New Girl” surprised us all by becoming a hangout comedy as opposed to a cutesy fest that would give us cause to strangle ourselves. It not only developed lovable characters, but it discovered a voice richly filled with pop culture references, a cynical yet refreshing tone and an edgy wit that not many expected. From a rousing game of “True American” to the douchebag jar, it’s been a run that could have easily collapsed, but got second wind in 2012, now there’s no end in sight. Do you “Girl,” do you.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- Schmidt’s homage to Tyga’s “Rack City: “When Nick leaves, i’m just gonna hire a plumber and throw cash at him while he works. Fiddies, and hunnids, hunnids, hunnids.”

- “What is this a carob chip? Are you trying to buy our love with hippie chocolate, ya idiot?”

- Ah, the penis injury. Not much time spent on it, but Schmidt remarks on his bandages being removed: “The Washington Monument is ready to serve his nation. This horse is ready to become a unicorn.”

- Prospective roommate, Neil: “I had the unique experience of having to let myself go. I did not take it well.”

- Schmidt’s bandage removal doesn’t go well, so his junk gets a hard cast. Ironically, now he can’t get hard——Schmidt: “Say something hot to me.” Cece: “Fresh, pressed linens.” Schmidt: Nope, not an inch. It’s like a swaddled baby.”

- “What the hell war is this? Am I supposed to want to buy a missile? Just pounding the drum of war. Did nobody listen to Eisenhower?”

- “How’s the new apartment? Does it smell like new paint and compromise?”

- “I’m worried about Schmidt. He’s a Jew in the desert I don’t want him to wander.”

- Winston: “The werewolves come out at night, man. I don’t want booby to eat me. I hate thick thighs, and I got a fat ass.”

- “This isn’t another one of those ‘Merlot is the whore of vineyard’ talks is it?”

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) and Cece (Hannah Simone) share a tender moment at a nursing home.

The “backslide” is a classic concept. When people’s loneliness gets the best of them they begin to regress. Some make late night calls to their most recent exes (or the abominable “drunk text”), or they might stoop so low as to booty call an even older ex who they can count on to fill their vulnerable void. Jess’ slip down the regretful slide begins whimsically with her sulking in bed to Joni Mitchell’s “The River.”

Schmidt, Winston and Cece all try to gingerly lift her sprits for the selfish reason that they don’t want to hear the GD song anymore. When Cece finally does get rid of her funk, Nick and Caroline protest when she cuts the music since Caroline just developed a kooky dance routine ripe with white-girl crumping* and pathetic Nick beat-boxing. It’s a quiet triumph of a cold open—not burst-out-laughing, but a delightful way to set the tone of shame that will ensue.

* Actually, it kind of reminded me of this gem, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover model Kate Upton grooving in a bikini. ENJOY!

And honestly, that’s what this episode is: a shame-filled insult fest and kick in the pants for the audience and characters alike. It’s a chance to reminisce on how far they have come together, but it’s a fragile balance they’ve achieved. The loft is full of lost and lonely souls. For Winston and Schmidt the scale has been skewed because they’ve found stability (though Winston seems TOO happy and secure). In Nick and Jess’ cases both are masking the sting of successive failures, and by episode’s end one chooses not to settle, while they other hides behind lies he tells himself that even Past Nick scoffs at.

Since the Fancyman saga, there hasn’t been many missteps. Like joke jets whizzing by overhead, tonight you could miss all the wonderful material if you are watching closely. The only missiles fired that weren’t direct hits were when they took their finger off the trigger to deliver some romantic advice that felt rushed and simplified when Jess and Nick’s wounds can’t be treated by platitudes.

Their tailspins begin at the bar where Nick’s serving Nick Miller Manhattans—straight bourbon in a plastic cup—and Caroline appears as his doting sweetheart. The whole episode seems to harken back to forever ago when Jess was off-the-wall and she was the lightning rod that shook up the loft’s status quo. Again, a fitting tribute to the strides this show has made in finding itself. What also happened back then was Nick’s devastation when Caroline ripped out his heart. Why would he want to revisit that? He needs so badly for her to be different he’s willed it true. Then again, maybe this is the optimist in me, but perhaps she has changed, thought every TV instinct tells me nuh-uh.

Schmidt and Winston see “backslider” written all over Jess and and patrol closely to ensure she doesn’t crawl back to Russell. But when a frumpily-clad Cece (her hotness must be dialed down while his genitals recover) enters the bar, Schmidt’s distracted just enough for Jess to place a longing phone call. Though it isn’t to whom you would suspect. Paul Genzlinger a.k.a Justin Long. The ugly crier himself wakes up spooning with Jess and when she sees him off Schmidt and Winston rattle off the nicknames: Mercedes Genz, Genzel Washington, The Genz of the World as We Know It, and Genz and Genzils. Jess’ body language says this was definitely a white flag waved in desperation, but her booty call comes back to bite her when Paul reveals he has a steady. The Asian Jess, Jen.

As Paul is bawling over his betrayal, Jen walks in—chunky glasses, flowery dress, wavy hair, the works—and Jess improvises well saying they were discussing the electoral college. Tears flowing, Paul whimpers “It seems so unfair. Votes don’t mean as much!” And while they’re in the clear then, Jess knows they can’t keep the secret, especially since Paul insists she’s his soulmate. So in school the next day, Jess assists Paul in coming clean. Jen ends up crying in just as ugly a fashion as Paul, but somehow he gains her forgiveness, not without Jess’ help. She levels with Jen that it sucks to be cheated on, but forgiveness is easier when you know you’re meant to be with someone. I do NOT prescribe to that theory and know from experience that the distrust will always be festering inside, but Jess gets to shine with her slapstick (the writers have found her sweet spot) by putting Paul through the emotions of a proposal. Terrible timing in my opinion, and she should reject him hard, but that wouldn’t have led Jess to her epiphany, I suppose.

The tertiary plot involving Schmidt and Cece succeeded where Nick and Jess’ didn’t, inserting sweetness where a punchline had been. Nick’s pathetic steps backward have been used brilliantly for weeks, and when the situation becomes serious it strikes me more suddenly than Schmece’s shift. Schmidt’s shattered love muscle was great for a sight gag, and here his pain is milked for more laughs with him staving off erections as best he can. While ugly-ing up Cece had mixed results, taking a trip to a nursing home works wonders. There, Cece’s grandmother threatens to let herself die if he hurts her granddaughter so that she can haunt him and he gets some tips on how to build a relationship with a beautiful woman from comedy vet Jack Carter! What wisdom does he share? Viagra. Helps him get up in the morning.

But the icing on this sugary sweet cake of a scene is when Cece looks proudly at Schmidt schmoozing with the seniors and decides she wants more. We knew the desire was buried inside her, but to see Schmidt reap the rewards is just as rewarding for us. However, it wouldn’t be a tender moment for Schmidt if it wasn’t undercut somehow. He passes out from the pain of emotional intimacy…because it gives him a massive hard-on. Her honesty with him makes him burst down there, and somehow, as vulgar as that sounds, for Schmidt that’s how he expresses his love. And if the writers hadn’t so splendidly illustrated him till now, we may not have appreciated that payoff as much. It’s strangely satisfying to see him writhe and contort his face because we know it means some kind of twisted victory.

Nick descends further into his rewind when Caroline asks Nick to move in with her. Despite the fact that Nick is only discovering now that she’s three years older than he is (she’s a impetuous 33), he halfheartedly consents: “You’re not not making sense.” Therefore, when Nick agrees to this rash decision Winston makes some weird, insanely funny bird-call, initiating a protocol that involves a DVD Nick made in case he let Caroline back into his life. The idea of a video intervention for yourself has been done by “Parks and Recreation” when Ron Swanson got back with Tammy, but this had its own signature flavor including a poem he had Schmidt stash until this day. It’s contents had me cackling until I coughed: “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day. No, a summer’s day is not a bitch.” So simple, so effective. The visual of a caveman-looking Nick addressing his future self with a jar filled with his tears slayed me, proving that the episode had many bombs to drop and each destroyed more than the last.

Poor Winston was like a pinata this week, beaten with a barrage of insults from his roommates. The escalation of his earring proved to me though that Winston was a worthy target, not easily worn down. He gets gaudier and gaudier going from stud to hoop to full-on peacock feather and takes it all in stride. But the real victim is Jess. Without saying it blatantly, she professes her “affections” for Nick. She shares her Paul-inspired perspective: “If you really love someone, it’s simple.” Essentially, she explains what we all know, even if Nick is clicking with Caroline now, the person he deserves will be good to him from the beginning. She veers into silliness by saying she’ll shut up that Tom Waits voice in his head that tells him he’s a failure, doing a sort-of accurate impression, when he deflates her with the news that he’s moving in with Caroline.

Though the transitional phases of their relationship haven’t been executed as well as with Schmidt and Cece I was still sad for her, the emotional grab worked mostly. But Justin Long’s return feels cheap if it only offers some half-assed, Facebook status of a saying about love. Though it did add to that full circle feel, a pat on the back to this first season’s accomplishments. That self-congratulations is welcome, however, when you consider how this episode solidified New Girl as a wrecking ball ready to demolish on a nightly basis with its flurry of wit. By making the narrowing down of L.O.L.Ls a difficult task, “Backslide” earns my forgiveness, though it didn’t need to try so hard—the #backslider pop-up and the catch-your-breath ending were unnecessary—since I’ve adored these friends for a while.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- Jess: “Why is she dressed up like a women’s studies major?” Schmidt: “It’s precautionary, just until my junk heals.”

- “Caroline’s way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me that I’m a failure and that I look bad in hats.”

- Schmidt: “When is it coming out?” Winston: “The earring?” Schmidt: “No, the smooth jazz album you’re dropping.”

- “I’m sorry you know how Monica Lewinsky feels!”

- Schmidt: “I’m gonna miss you Winston.” Winston: “What do you mean?” Schmidt: “When your caravan moves on to the next village.”

- Nick: “How’d the audition go?” Winston: “What?” Nick: “For the Disney pirate movie. Oh and Mr. T called. He wants to punch you because that earring looks stupid.”

- “Do you wanna dress like an unsponsored professional skateboarder for the rest of your life?”

- “For someone with a soulmate, you sure did have sex with me.”

- Winston: “So you and Cece are staying away from each other?” Schmidt: “Only until my penis stops looking like a knotted wizard’s staff.”

- Awesome allusion to “Happy Endings,” the show Damon Wayans Jr. went back to instead of playing Coach (the original black guy), by Past Nick to Future Nick: “Be nice to Coach or he’ll go hang with some other white people.”

Cece (Hannah Simone) rushes to the hospital where Schmidt (Max Greenfield) is recuperating from a penis-related injury.

Comedy is an art, not a science. Because of that, there is no formula that can produce the maximum amount of laughter. Mistakes can often be as fruitful for comedy writers as when they stick to the agreed-upon conventions of their craft. “Tomatoes” (wait for the pun) is that unexpected fruit.

It shouldn’t work for many reasons. You could cite the stereotypical Russian/foreigner jokes that Nadia was the vessel for, you could point to the inherent laziness of penis jokes. You might even scrutinize the way Dermot Mulroney’s arc was dispatched so coldly, causing Jess to come off fickle or at least shallow. And while all these glaring flaws on are flamboyant display, there’s a lot to love about this episode. Maybe I’m infatuated with these characters to the degree that they can do no wrong. Perhaps I should not giggle at genitalia as I did, but even if “Tomatoes” doesn’t have the slam dunk effect of “Normal” where its indisputable how inventive and rewarding it is, underneath some of the distracting and even jarring aspects of the episode, there’s a vibrant heart. Some scenes are daring in their leap from the ridiculous to the raw.

That may sound like digging for substance when there’s just airy, wispy fun, but when Nick and Jess started shaking their butts at one another in frustration—after she sees his ex, Caroline, leave his room wearing his shirt—there was the overwhelming feeling that they are the fire under those asses they desperately need. Jess realizes that Russell is in a phase of his life where tranquility and contentment is preferable to wanting to rip someone’s clothes and face off at the same time. Jess is young enough, however, where she wants to share that thermometer-busting heat with someone, even if “it’s harder and it hurts more.” And Nick, has chosen not to feel anything regarding women because of the pain they’ve continued to cause him, but Jess drives him up a wall and he isn’t running away. He keeps going back to her.

So while out of context, one would undoubtedly view their ass shake-off as an immature and even lazy attempt at laughter, to me it has a layer of sophistication and meaning for these people that is imperceptible to an untrained eye. But if you have, willing or otherwise, become invested in the loft mates, you know this is not just a senseless spat. It’s set up to show how compatible Nick and Jess as a couple. They fill the holes their previous romantic relationships have failed to. If nothing else, this week’s episode warmed me up to the idea of a Nick and Jess hook-up when before it felt gimmicky and forced.

These awakenings of sorts begin on the rooftop where Nick has taken up the hobby of planting tomatoes. Somehow he feels this will begin a healing process. He’ll channel his heartbreak and despair into bringing new life into the world. Yeah, it’s freaking sad. Jess can’t help herself from using plant metaphors (he’s turning over a new leaf!), and Winston feels he’s just devolving. It’s easy for him to say though, since he appears blissfully in love with Shelby who only appears in this scene to shove her tongue down Winston’s throat. Otherwise, he spends most of the time without her, bragging about how happy he is. This underscores how much of a rouse his relationship might be. While he mentions their lovemaking and giddily shares pictures of her cat with Nick, it’s feels like he’s over-compensating. I’m not convinced these feelings reflect real sparks between him and Shelby. Since it started as the rekindling of a flame, I wouldn’t be shocked if on both sides there’s a fixation on how wonderful it feels to be in love, when in reality they’re nowhere near that level yet.

Jess runs into Russell’s ex-wife, Ouli (let’s pretend that’s the correct spelling) at the gym and accidentally invites her to dinner with her and Russell to break up their awkward naked hugging in the sauna. Dinner goes horribly as expected, but the added wrinkle is that Jess detects a sexual tension between them when their fighting begins to escalate. Whether she’s jealous or this just tips her off to the lack of passion in her relationship with Russell is unclear, but either way she seems determined to throw some wood on their fire.

When Schmidt comes over Cece’s to “make sex” as her Russian model roommate Nadia says, Cece puts up a barrier and recommends they cool off since the pregnancy scare made things a little too intense. She even hastens the moving-on by setting up Schmidt for a date with Nadia. Now Nadia is bound to be a point of contention for some. Most of her jokes surround her heavy accent, her distorted concept of American culture and the brutish, sexually aggressive behavior we associate with Russian women. And while this is stereotypical, and therefore not commendable in terms of characterization it produces some incredible lines. I also got the feel that because she embodied such a surreal and frankly insulting view of immigrants that the writers were aware that she was basically a parody of a person with the function of serving as a vehicle for chaos that would eventually bring Schmece (Schmidt and Cece) back together. As long as you go for broke with that satirical aim, I’m okay with it.

Nick continues to throw himself into this tomato thing, even buying a scarecrow to keep away the “sky rats.” He also develops a bitter attitude toward Winston who is kind of a dick and throws his happiness in his face. It was worth it though to see Nick scowl at Winston, pitchfork in hand and yell “Git!” There’s also one of the few tender moments I pointed out where Nick breaks his gardener facade and yells back, “Sandwiches and sex? I want that.” It’s funny, but from an emotional standpoint it’s the first time Nick acknowledges what he’s suppressing.

Yeah, he’s called himself pathetic before and had public outbursts related to his breakups, but these have all been exaggerations and hyperbole for our benefit. He just seemed like a schlub who felt sorry for himself because of his numerous failures. But it not the lack of success, it’s what he’s lost. Nick wants a companion, someone who gets him, someone he can share mundane things with, like sandwiches. In a way, it gives more weight to the later shouting match with Jess since he could have that if he’s willing to take a huge risk. And because of that simple, silly line we know what is on the line.

While that’s happening, Jess tries to manufacture a fight by asking what drives him crazy about her and proceeding to do all those things. This was another instance where Zooey Deschanel’s surprising slapstick skills is showcased. I’m glad they’re tapping into that since she isn’t as gifted a line reader as the Jake Johnsons and Max Greenfields of the world. When Russell stops her angry advances he says that passion is overrated and its clear this is the beginning of the end. While I think it falls in line with his backstory to say that he doesn’t want that kind of roller coaster relationship he went through with his ex, I didn’t feel it was the proper sendoff. His line about him and Ouli being like inching closer to a woodchopper was a nice sentiment, but he didn’t protest much at all, and Jess just got out the car like it was a bad first date. I suppose there’s no easy way to release a guest star back into the wild, and it’s not that I don’t buy Jess’ or Russell’s motivations, I just felt like the guy deserved to go down guns blazing. He did so much for Nick’s character by adding to his comedic arsenal with the man-crush angle, but c’est la vie.

When Cece asks Nadia about her date she says it was brief because “small man went to hospital.” The concern on Cece’s face was sweet as she rushed over, Nadia laughing about how much Schmidt cried (I’ll admit I would have liked to see that). She arrives and sees Schmidt with an ice pack in his crotch. Again, penis jokes are certainly juvenile, BUT when Schmidt delivers his line, “I broke my penis,” like he accidentally dropped something fragile of mommy’s, I died. His recounting of how it happened is L.O.L.L worthy to be sure, but the penis jokes even had significance. Afterward, Cece spits it out, incensed that another woman had him, and tells Schmidt she likes him—”For my personality?” “Yeah I was surprised too.” This moment felt awfully cathartic and well earned, and was masterfully undercut (that’s how Schmidt rolls) when his arousal during their emphatic kiss gives him excruciating pain. This motif is extended into the credits where Winston lists a bunch of things he knows get Schmidt’s juices flowing (models eating sliders, Bernadette Peters on a high beam). Sick bastard. And it’s yet another reminder of why we like to hangout with them every week. We love being privy to their inside jokes, and not having to suffer the consequences. Like say, a broken penis. *Shudder*

Overall, “Tomatoes” struck me as a mask, a veil over the eyes that would quickly become lifted, but in a blink would be covered up by more raunchy jokes and hip references. I’d agree if “Tomatoes” was simply an assemblage of punchlines about dinged-up dongs, ruthless Russians and savvy nods to pop-culture this would be among the show’s weakest, but because it’s a see-saw between its identities—a romp with some outlandish roommates and an insightful, comedic lens on a group of twentysomethings helping each other figure out who they are —it maintains its heightened sense of self. Still, it does slip into sporadic plotting that would strike some as veering off onto a detour before we hit the main stretch of road, the final two episodes of the first season. Like the tomatoes were for Nick, “Tomatoes” was a distraction, sure, but when you lose something it usually turns up when you stop looking for it. And what turned up for me was another worthwhile week of experiment that yielded hysterics and feeling. “New Girl” recognized that the best way to explore deep insecurities is with some distance, a fresh outlook, and a sense of humor.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- Nick: “Jess, you’re dating a man I could see myself growing old with.”

- Things Nadia likes about America: salad bar, Despicable Me, Tosh 2.0, Connect Four, freedom of speech, David Fincher, sidewalk, 1-800-SLIM, strawberry, Your mama jokes, ‘Wilma Valderamo,’ Leon Panetta, ice skating for fun, not to save life

- Nadia comparing Schmidt to who he later deduces is Mickey Mouse, “Why don’t you get in your spaceship like McMouse!”

- “You’re gonna sex me in my face?”

- Ouli: “You know what it’s like with Russell. It’s like you’re on the bow of a catamaran being blasted with spray except you’re naked, and on fire.”  Jess” “Yeah, I mean I’m like, Russell, put away the passion and show me a moderately good time.”

- “What is this, Martin Scorsese’s ‘The Wizard of Oz?’”

- “There was this moment where there was just blinding pain, and then there was this moment where I was watching myself watch myself. I think I finally understand what ‘The Tree of Life’ is about. And I can’t be certain of this, but I’m almost positive Nadia’s vagina contains as right angle.”

- “My penis is having a heart attack. You gotta get outta here. Don’t bend over!”

- “Describe it to them as like, a battered highway cone.”

- Jess: “Stop making that face! I hate that face!” Nick: “This is my only face! I don’t have a lot of faces!”

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) rubs the belly of Cece (Hannah Simone) hoping she's carrying his child

In my travels this past weekend (ok, while channel surfing, laying in my bed) I happened upon the commercial for last night’s episode. I audibly groaned when I heard the premise: a pregnancy scare for Schmece (Schmidt and Cece). It’s a tired sitcom plot, and I’ve been exalting “New Girl” for being a more of a cutting-edge comedy than I had forecast when it premiered.

However, upon second thought I realized “New Girl” has mostly been using recycled material, but has been making it fresh with the ways their characters react atypically to the mayhem. “Secrets” was your standard “Everyone finds out” episode that had breathed life into it through each character’s lack of acceptance, and “Normal” was the usual boyfriend comes over fare, but an invented drinking game, “True American” made it stand out. So I was cautiously optimistic about how “New Girl” would treat this subject matter. And my faith was mostly rewarded.

We open with an understandably distraught Cece staring into space, horrified at the prospect of a Schmidt baby. She imagines the newborn nursing 24/7, and Jess adds they’ll need to make a “douche baby jar.” And when they inquire Schmidt about what he was like as a baby she is hardly comforted. Jess is wrestling with her own anxieties since Russell has asked her to watch his preteen daughter (and Jess’ student) for a day that weekend. Of course her biggest obstacle is the behavior of man-children Nick and Schmidt. She forbades Nick from inviting any college girls, but it turns out Nick has settled on one young lady, Chloe, in particular. Winston gets easily the weakest story line. He’s asked to chauffeur his boss, Joe Napoli (he’s racked up some DUIs) to Michael Strahan’s program, “On the Strahan Narrow”—ha! But when he picks him up the radio shock jock, he’s rummaging through other people’s trash.

Zooey Deschanel actually impressed me by pulling off her awkward encounter with Russell’s ex-wife. Her nervous cackling was pitch-perfect, and her panic when the ex refers to Russell as “my husband” even made me uneasy. As for the kid, Sarah, she was inconsistent in believability and in comedic effect. When she tells Nick he has poop eyes, I was disappointed that they were playing her crudely and younger than her age. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for an “out of the mouths of babes” moment where she could precociously dissect Nick’s regressive dating habits. Maybe I was asking for too much. What we did get had its laugh-out-loud moments though. Her overzealous and disturbing interest in her dad’s sex life made me squirm—as well as the nonsensical and made-up names for sex acts like ‘doing the 99′ or ‘giving plows’—and her obsession with Nick had me rolling at times. Despite Schmidt being the most obviously attractive, Nick is perfect  because he is so flawed and possibly the worst target for his affection (though it would continue the trend of him dating younger and younger…ew).

Schmidt is worried that Cece’s behavioral shift means she wants more substance in their relationship. He proposes they go on their first real date to see Italy on Ice (with a possible guest appearance by Drea de matteo!). Instead, she suggests he take someone else, trying not to make him suspicious of her potential pregnancy. This leads to the most overtly hilarious scene where Schmidt pretends to call another female prospect who is actually Nick. Although Nick isn’t in on this deception so he becomes quite concerned. His initial obliviousness and calm though was the best. Schmidt asks what he’s wearing flirtatiously and he blandly replies, “Button down shirt and jeans like I always do.” There’s many more golden exchanges that you can find in L.O.L.Ls. This sort of setup has been done before, but any chance to delve into complexities of Nick and Schmidt’s friendship is a-okay with me. And it’s a brilliant showcase of what Jake Johnson and Max Greenfield can bring and have brought to the table.

When Cece starts venting about the perils of not using protection (and inappropriately in earshot of Sarah), Schmidt overhears. I thought it was a spectacular decision on the writers part to add flair to this overused story by having him be thrilled with the news. It was nice to see Schmidt’s d-bag facade pulled back a bit to see how sensitive he can be. Despite being a control freak he isn’t thrown off by this interruption to his five-year plan. He believes this might be fate or the universe telling him that he’ll never find a girl better than Cece. But he sabotages these displays of his inner sweetheart soon after. When he assures Cece that he’ll support whatever decisions she makes, he undercuts this touching speech with his concerns that he’ll create a “Russian nesting doll situation” if they have sex while she’s with child. Oh Schmidt, don’t ever change.

Sarah’s rage at the dinner table was satisfying. The death stares at Chloe were sufficiently over-the-top, but within the obnoxiousness of a preteen girl’s raging hormones. Jess’ efforts to calm down her possessive attitude fall flat, but we get the gem of a revelation that Chloe actually knows Sarah from riding on the same school bus together. It just so happens that Chloe is a VERY recent high school grad and is 18 years old. It’s awful, it’s abhorrent and damn funny. Worse yet, Jess suddenly remembers that she subbed a few years back for Chloe’s 8th grade class. This has to be Nick’s rock bottom, but he sure seems to have a lot of them. I won’t say I’m actively rooting for him to stay miserable, but as his life enters into further disarray, he becomes more of a rival for Schmidt as the funniest character on the show.

Jess is infuriated by this sh*tshow and berates Nick and Schmidt for maybe ruining her fling with Russell. Her notion that they insist on “making and/or dating babies” was another reason this may have been one of Deschanel’s best performances. Her anger and unsettled demeanor seemed the most justified it has been, and she never ventured into absurdity. Dare I say she seemed like an adult? She has a lot of work to do before she can become the disciplinarian sort of parent, but she recognizes those faults, which is half the battle. When Sarah’s mom shows up she tries her hardest to get it together. She has Schmidt create a diversion while Nick helps to coax Sarah out of his room. It was apropos that when he’s trying to convince her that her loving feelings are misplaced he realizes that his way of dealing—being numb to it all—is more unhealthy, so he tells he to stay locked up in that room forever. When Sarah finally does walk out she’s stuck in a cocoon of Jess’ bras and Sarah’s mom walks in. This only adds to her disapproval, especially when Cece storms in and kisses the woman because she got her period. Jess makes her peace with it and literally closes the door and declares, “I’m not having kids till I’m 80.” Wise choice.

Regretfully Winston’s side adventure is not as triumphant nor did it incite as much outrageous laughter as the rest of the episode. I didn’t care much at all about what Joe Napoli was going through and I still don’t understand the connection between his apparent hoarding (he buys seven copies of “Speed” on VHS at a yard sale) and his insecurities around Michael Strahan (I did like the idea that he has been a dick since he got his Super Bowl ring), but if anything it showed how Winston is the most put-together of the group. He still could work on his own self-image, but the way he encouraged Joe was admirable. I couldn’t help but feel like this plot was an excuse to pull him out of the main stories because he would have been wasted there, but I wish they had given it a shot. Winston has thrived as the voice of reason, and his dynamic with the others has yielded raucous results in the past. But this was the only major disappointment so maybe I shouldn’t cry over this spilled milk (though milk is a precious commodity in my apartment so that saying does not apply to me).

The “New Girl” writers should be commended too for the serious momentum they created with the final shot before the credits. If Winston is the most mature, Schmidt earned some brownie points this week and is sneaking up on him. He surprised me with the intention of a grand gesture—the words “Marry Me” written in the sky. He ultimately chickens out and prevents Cece from seeing it when she’s adamant that they should return to the way things were, before she had her scare. Since this means they’re back to casual sex, Schmidt rescinds his proposal, but with only a few episodes to go I can’t imagine they’ll abandon Schmidt’s unrequited need for something deeper. I’m unsure if this was supposed to be the end of Russell, since he never appears on screen to disapprove of Jess’ babysitting, only his ex-wife did. I hope it isn’t, because there is a lot of comedic ground they could still cover and Dermot Mulroney has been a delight.

I continue to love these characters and be genuinely pleased by how they interact with one another. Between Schmidt’s fake flirting with Nick, and Jess’ foray into motherhood, it’s obvious these people are dangerously inept at being proper grownups, but who is ever totally ready for that? We’re all a little lost, so why not poke a little fun at it? For staying true to who these people are at their cores, even if they didn’t all get five-star treatment, the episode provided four-star fun. Any show that can make me smile this often cannot be a bad addition to the TV landscape.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- “I was the bomb-diggity as a baby. They say I was break dancing at eight months. And they say I needed a magnum-sized diaper.”

- “No bringing in college girls, Berlusconi!”

- “Oh my god I love Nick so much. He’s so hot. I wanna rub my face on his face!”

- Schmidt calls Nick and pretends to flirt with him, then Nick expresses his concerns: “Everything all right? You wanna hang out more Schmidt?”

- Schmidt: “Are you taking care of that tushy?” Nick: “I mean I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts.”

- Schmidt’s elation over Cece’s potential pregnancy: “We made a caramel miracle!”

- Jess, on if Nick is hot: “Yeah, in a rumpled, small town PI kind of way.”

- Do his eyes get sleepy? Does he love stuff? I wanna love what he loves. Do you think we’ll ever do animal style?”

- “I can’t wait to take this journey with you. Your boobs are gonna be unbelievably enormous.”

- Schmidt on how young Chloe is: “She doesn’t even know what Netscape is. She thinks Ice Cube is mainly an actor.”

- Joe Napoli to Winston: “You know if you were a woman, or even dressed as a woman, we’d be unstoppable.”

- Not a line, but I loved when Jess compared their group to The Golden Girls. Jess is DEF Betty White and Schmidt is obviously Rue McClanahan, but what about the rest? Winston is like a mother figure so maybe he is Sophia, but I’m not sure if Nick fits as Bea Arthur. Food for thought.

Russell (Dermot Mulroney) shotguns a beer during a rousing game of "True American."

With the recent change from a letter grade system to a 5-star rating system, this occasion seems less momentous. Nonetheless, it must be recognized that with this week’s episode, “New Girl” is no longer toeing the A-/4.5 star line. Five episodes that have aired in 2012 have been a stone’s throw from validation. They were so close they could smell the greener grass (very potent fertilizer). And although that handful can boast some commendable scenes, and downright hilarious lines, where they come up short of the target, “Normal” hits the bullseye.

Among those episodes that can only bask in the shadow of this week’s undisputed champ were some doozies: “Fancyman Part 2,” “Control,” “Valentine’s Day,” “Jess and Julia” and “Story of the 50.” The similarities are slim. What they share wouldn’t look like much in Venn Diagram. “Control” and “Story of the 50″ were Schmidt-centric, and therefore easily won my affections. “Valentine’s Day” and “Fancyman Part 2″ were great examples of how to best use their ensemble as their competing plots found a way to neatly coincide. And “Jess and Julia” was an experiment that mostly succeeded where the writers decided to pin Lizzy Caplan’s femininity against Zooey Deschanel’s in a well-executed bit of meta-commentary. If there was a trend that could be extracted it was joke volume. These episodes, like many in the second half of New Girl’s first season, decided they were going to shift the focus a tad from the guys’ reactions to Jess’ antics and absurdity to fleshing out what has proven to be a top-notch group. And boy, has the reinvention paid huge dividends

Character-derived and relationship-based humor coupled with sharp wit has become the “New Girl” writing staff’s cash crop. The proof is in last night’s fun-filled pudding. Arguably the definitive sequence of the season shows off the electricity that can be generated when all four actors share the screen. I’m talking about the epic game of “True American.” To explain the rules of “True American” would trivialize its hilarity. Basically, it’s a drinking game, where presidents’ names seem to be shouted at random, and the floor is lava—like in all the best games of pretend, ever. But what absolutely makes the scene jump out at you is how much goddamn fun they’re having. When a show can incorporate an aspect of a group of friends’ lives that seamlessly fits into the chemistry the show has been cooking you know that good work has been done in the writer’s room. Through the magic of characterization, “True American” becomes an unquestionable aspect of their camaraderie because we know who these people are together. The added bonus is Russell’s (Speaking of seamless, how about Dermot Mulroney’s stellar contribution!) disorientation as he acclimates himself to the “rules” of the game. With each beer he shotguns the more he gets it.

And the good times don’t end there. This whole episode exudes a confidence in its ability to incorporate recurring jokes into the episode’s arc. Said arc begins when Jess realizes she has been off on a week-long “sex-cation” (Trademarked by Schmidt) with Russell and misses the guys. Russell would rather undress her immediately at the political fundraiser, but he agrees to spending a night at the loft. Of course, as sitcom outsiders often do, he gets more than he bargained for. Besides a raucous rendition of “True American” he also must navigate the uncool behavior of the guys that they unleash whenever he’s around. The montage of their not-so-normal actions was particularly well-done and indicative of what makes each dude so oddball. Schmidt executes a sneak attack on Russell for a “label check” of his suit, Nick can’t keep his eyes to himself in the bathroom and Winston startles him and entraps him with “Are you scared of black people? It’s 2012.”

But despite Jess’ warnings the guys just can’t be cool. Nick and Schmidt are the worst offenders. Their collaborative awkwardness revolves around an idea in Nick’s idea notebook, a smartphone case that provides features that no app can provide: a Zippo, fork, spoon, corn holder (or a gentleman’s shiv) and more. Essentially, it’s a Swiss Army knife attached to the back called “Real Apps.” It may be the worst invention ever, but it could also be the most harmful. When Nick and Schmidt present Russell with the prototype, they inadvertently stab him (although according to Jess that wasn’t the first stabbing this month). You have to applaud the efficiency of this minor plot because it not only showcases the relationship between Nick and Schmidt, and adds to the lore of what these dreamers can concoct, but it advances the arc of Jess trying to integrate Fancyman into her less-than luxurious world.

The B-plot gave Winston his due air time after his Theodore K. Mullins revival last week. His former basketball coach sets him up with a job interview as an assistant to radio shock jock Joe Napoli (played by real radio personality Phil Hendrie). Of course, this means leaving Elvin behind, abandoning his nanny post. Elvin is actually relieved that he doesn’t have to hold him back and offers help on his resume: “It’s 2012, Winston. Typing is not a special skill.” He ends up securing the position, but Napoli mercilessly teases him about his subpar basketball career. Coworker Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (the real one) even passes him a note saying that he will die there, with a signed autograph at the bottom.

Drunken Russell says his power play should be to dip his balls in Napoli’s daily shakes. Winston decides on the passive approach of quitting. Elvin isn’t having it though, and tattles on Winston to his mom, Gina, that Winston is a pothead. Elvin’s devious smile slayed me. I’d forgotten how much I loved the kid when we met him way back at the Christmas party. In a subtle twist, Winston remembers that he had indeed dip his “beans” in Napoli’s shakes, and scrambles to replace them. However, Napoli already got his mitts on one. Winston knows the risk, but confesses to his gross retaliation. Napoli, somewhat predictably, is impressed by his prank and wants to pull it on Kareem next.

Jess insists on having her first fight with Russell even though peace has been “their thing.” She expresses that despite her unsafe elevators—the cables were too thin, but they signed a waiver and got $100 slashed off their rent—and the whacky men that come with the space, her life is just as important as his. I liked that the conflict wasn’t addressed until the end, and that the rich/poor tension wasn’t overt like in Fancyman Part 1. This time it was an underlying issue. She knew that “True American” wasn’t going to be as sophisticated as a round of golf, but she isn’t a hoity toity person and he either gets all of her (including her south of normal buddies) or none of her. And clearly, silver-haired fox that he is, he wants Jess bad, and we get the reward of watching Schmidt’s jealousy and Nick’s man crush play themselves out for at least another week. I wholeheartedly approve.

I could have included nearly 70% of the lines in L.O.L.Ls this week, but that would be obnoxious. But the quality and efficiency of the jokes deployed was astounding. Whether it was a joke acknowledging Schmece’s ongoing sex parade (I envy him so much) and Jess’ lack of acceptance, or a genius recall of their plumbing troubles—a slapstick treasure where Nick wildly jerks the wooden end of plunger inside the disposal, his fellow men anchoring him like a bobsled team behind him—”New Girl” pulled out some of their best weapons from a exceptional arsenal. For proving its mettle as “True Americans,” displaying great command of its characters and world, and for not overemphasizing a trite conflict so that no joke, reference or continuity would be sacrificed, “New Girl” earns its stripes, and 5 stars.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines 

- Schmidt: “How was your sex-cation with Russell?” Jess: I did have a lot of sex, thank you!”

- “Yeah, you may have birthed the idea, but I midwifed it. I midwifed the crap out of it. It was a messy birth.”

- Nick, greeting Russell at the door: “Hey, I can show you around, I can show you our world. ‘Cause way up here, it’s crystal clear.” Jess (whispers): “Nick, you’re doing Aladdin again!”  Nick (whispers back): “Again?”

- Jess: “Stop copying Russell.” Nick: “I’m not copying him, I love him.”

- “Jess, this room is not for comforting. This is Darwin’s jungle, where open-minded people do weird things to each other.”

- “I’m not gonna get Winklevosse’d because of your sloppiness!”

- Schmidt: “The name is the game, friend-o…That’s why they call it basketball, not peach basket catch-it-up!” Nick: “You just came up with that?!”

- “These are hangover eggs. They either keep you from throwing up, or make you throw up real fast. High risk, high reward.”

- “And if you wanna get with me, you have to get with my friends. And that is a Spice girl song.”

A desperate Nick (Jake Johnson) is schooled by Schmidt (Max Greenfield) on how to kick a woman out of bed.

It’s been a long, long time coming, but everything that occurs in sitcom darkness must eventually come to the light…

“Everyone finds out” episodes are a staple of the sitcom nowadays. The array of ridiculous and irrational responses end up completing justifying why the guilty parties sneaked around and never ever wanted to tell anyone, ever. It also provides us with a non-stop laugh riot as the uninformed slowly become aware and one by one the capacity to accept this upsetting new reality escalates into pure madness. Say what you will about “Friends,” but the NBC comedy mega-hit paved the way for the ensemble “hang-out comedies” of this generation. That, and workplace comedies, seem to be the pervasive trend, and “Friends” definitely sketched the blue print.

Secret romantic trysts between the core characters were business as usual on “Friends” and the “Everyone finds out” episodes are some of the most memorable and hilarious ones from their 10-season run. The butt of the joke, almost without fail was David Schwimmer’s Ross Gellar. Schwimmer was the slapstick king on that set and he redefined the limits of overreaction. He could yell and experience frightening emotional shifts with the best of them and the unpredictability of just how poorly he might take it when, say, his sister and his best friend are sleeping together, or when his ex-wife Rachel and his other best friend Joey start testing the romantic waters, were masterful in how utterly absurd he could be without ever seeming outside the realm of possibility.

That said, “New Girl’s” choice to reveal the powerful secret to everyone in the loft within the first five minutes was bold, but resulted in some comedic genius. And yet at points it was detrimental. Nick’s “sweatback” was gross and peculiar, so totally in sync with who Nick is, as were his per usual facial contortions. Pain is a great look comedically for actor Jake Johnson. Jess, on the other hand, fluctuated between petty and hilariously inappropriate. Zooey Deschanel can’t shoulder all the blame for this because her motivations, aside from the obvious shock, are never explicitly conveyed or are fused with that of the guys’. We never doubt for a second that Nick and Winston’s world is rocked mostly out of envy. Schmidt is banging a supermodel. Wow, that made me angry just to type that, and Schmidt is neither my friend nor real! Add in their perception that his sexual past makes him at least a partially deplorable human being, and the least deserving of supermodel sex, and it’s enough to damage their collective psyches for years.

Jess’ anger was harder to grasp. Since she’s not in lesbian love with Cece (actually that would have been a hell of a twist) so that rules out jealousy. She can certainly be mad about the violation of trust (and space since they’ve done it in a smattering of locations within her apartment including her bed “that one time”), but she portrays it as if it were a personal affront, an unwritten promise between them that was blatantly broken. There was a point where I thought they were going the weak route of “girl code” when Jess makes the snippy remark that she’s “limbering up in case I wanna sleep with one of your roommates.” As a line and a burn it was raunchy and classic, but as a motivation for her disgust it fell on the petty side. Where they ended up, with Jess feeling their bond as friends had been diminished because Cece didn’t come to her, was more earnest, and yet a breeding ground for hilarity as we came to find out.

Casting aside character quibbles for now, let’s take a moment to celebrate the sheer brilliance of last night’s Laugh Out Loud Lines. Obviously, the cream of the crop will be covered below, but Winston had his best episode so far and may have stolen the MVP. The return of Theodore K. Mullins and Schmidt schooling Nick in the art of douchebaggery were incredibly well-done and exemplified how much fun this show has been having. I loved Winston’s bit of meta-commentary,”This is definitely one of the stranger things we’ve done.” Whether it was Schmidt using his imaginary blackboard, Nick surmising that the acronym S.S.V was “Short, Simple, Vagina,” (The V is supposed to be Vague) or Winston’s episode-long struggle to come to terms with the cruel world that would allow Schmidt the privilege of sleeping with Cece, the guys ran a non-stop sprint, never faltering, and cruised past the girls this week.

Although it’s the B-plot, let’s delve a bit deeper into Nick’s dilemma. Since Schmidt has been to the mountaintop (or as he calls her, the Hindu temple), Nick reluctantly begins to acknowledge that he actually respects Schmidt’s prowess as a ladykiller. It’s a painful scene to watch as Schmidt seizes the control, and in true douche fashion, never lets go. Nick’s relinquishing of control, an agreement to study under Schmidt, stems from his crucial error of not turning the ringer off his phone while he’s entertaining another lady friend. See, since Dirk’s soiree, a tidal wave of 21 year-old girls have been throwing themselves at Nick. In characteristic fashion, he’s unable to enjoy because of all the stress it has induced trying to keep up. So when he throws his phone at the wall to avoid his college-age conquest’s jealousy, Schmidt sees him hit this rock bottom and takes him under his wings.

The results, as one might expect, are awesome. Schmidt starts by conditioning Nick into becoming a better liar and escape artist. He tests Schmidt in the arena of pillow talk, of course lying in bed beside him. Nick strains to be cold to the “woman” he just had sex with, but Schmidt insists that he’ll just continue to run into similar traps if he doesn’t embrace his inner jerk. My favorite part still, is when Jess comes in, her face starting to twitch and she stutters, “Is this happening now too?” The idea that Schmidt has scarred Jess for laugh had me in stitches. Does that make me a bad person? However, the real kicker is when Jess demands a honesty policy be implemented in the loft and it backfires miserably. While she’s been harboring some of the petty crimes that the men commit against each other, what they disclose to her is slightly more horrifying. Apparently, in some form or another, all three of them have pictured Jess while “self-completing.” I died. Not only is the term, “self-completing” a delightful turn of phrase, but Winston’s masturbatory fantasy was that she had raccoon hands. “Oh they were DIGGING through that garbage.”

Thankfully, the escalation continues. Jess’ main beef is that Cece hasn’t been honest. She’s kept so much from her for fear of her judgment that their friendship seems built on a foundation of lies. So, Cece vindictively rattles off all of her previously unheard stories. There’s the time she slept with the arms dealer, the time she told Jess that she had whiter feet just to make her feel better, and the time she saw the movie “My Girl” with Jessica P. before she saw it with her. The best line delivery of the night may have come from Deschanel when she followed with “JESSICA FREAKING P!” Chaos ensues on the other side of the loft too when two of Nick’s one night stands meet and one is wearing the other’s scarf.

This causes Winston to stomp out from his room and bellow with a God-like command for everyone to SIT…DOWN. All business, he calms everyone down, plays the consummate nanny and leaves all the grievances on the table (I still want to see more of of him with the kid!). But the gem of a performance comes when he does Nick a solid and gets both of the girls to leave when he channels “The Negro Spiritual” and pronounces that he is Theodore K. Mullins, Nick’s lover on the down low, “Flesh on flesh. When the lights are off, we’re all the same.” I almost cried I cracked up so hard. I have been waiting almost the entire season for Winston to get his chance to shine, and he killed it. All four of the roommates are finally, fully figured out. We know who they are, what their role in the loft is, and they all serve their respective comedic niches beautifully.

The affair’s fallout culminates at the 10K charity run. Nick embraces his inner player and conjures up the excuse of a family emergency for why he neglected to call one hookup, and for the other he rationalizes that he had forgotten to mention he slept with her roommate because “They had a moment so intense I thought we were the only two people on Earth” *Slow clap* Gotta hand it to him, not too shabby. Jess, who is winded almost instantly, stumbles over to Cece where she goes all psychoanalyst and reads Cece’s reticence to tell her as an attempt to hide herself from the truth that she legitimately likes Schmidt. It was also a nice touch that what tipped her off was Schmidt’s “See Cece Run” t-shirt. It’s a messy resolution to say the least, and Jess never apologizes for flipping out, but that could have been the dehydration sucking the manners out of her, I suppose. Still, she was mad rude.

While Zooey Deschanel definitely put on an impressive display of physical comedy chops, she didn’t carry this episode like a David Schwimmer would’ve. So when Cece and Jess are bickering and running around their issues (literally in the case of the charity run), the episode dragged a bit. But when the roommates’ inflated personalities are bouncing off each other, it’s a sight to behold. Some of Jess’ best scenes happen when she unleashes her rage upon the guys, and for once she becomes the most mature person in the room. Well, until she oddly responds to their sickening behavior by sporting winter wear, but these things are bound to happen in “Everyone finds out” episodes.

For affirming my belief that this show was on the trajectory to become one of the most fun shows to drop in on, I want to give this one an A. Winston and Nick’s performances alone sold me, but Schmidt’s gloating and glee as a professor of douchebag studies was icing on the cake. However, as mentioned, those three fellows ran a much smoother relay. The Jess and Cece conflict should have played second fiddle, so the episode labors in the last leg like Cece dragging Jess across the finish line. Though we end on a sweeter, stronger bond with Schmidt holding Cece to his rigid kitchen standards,criticizing her shoddy workmanship, while we know Cece is still harboring the secret that she no longer dreads these moments of togetherness. “Secrets” achieved the highest highs so far, but I cannot be dishonest and say I was wholly blown away. B+.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- “Good thing I’m a quiet breather. I learned that playing “Who passed out?” with my mom. My mom always won.”

- “Can we take a moment to celebrate me? I mean Schmidt really did it this time. I’m having Indian every night.”

- Winston: “Why do you start talking like a Native American when you get angry.” Jess: “Two moons have passed!”

- “For what it’s worth, I think what I did was really brave.”

- “Since my 20′s, I’ve had a string of lesser paramours that like weathered stone steps have led me to the Hindu Temple. A.k.a Cece. Because she’s Indian.”

- Nick: “Schmidt, I need you to teach me…how to be a douchebag.” Schmidt: “Let’s get to work!” Winston: “What’s happening with the world!”

- Schmidt helping nick practice lying to women: “Hey, what happened to your phone?” Nick: “Jesus took it. A Jesus hawk on a speedboat. The environment. Bears. Family. Magic. I need your help. Schmidt.”

- “Jess I had to give it a try. That was the same hand that was inside Elmo!”

- “Can you say the following words? ‘The ice roads are too dangerous. You’re gonna have to turn back, chief.’”

- “That sports bra is doing God’s work.”

- “My shoes are filled with blood. Ha!”

- End credits sequence where Winston tries to seek reason for why Cece would pick Schmidt: “Are you working for the government?” “Is he holding you against your will? If he is, blink twice. *Blows into her face*” “Are you tired of being turned on?

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) continues to date the Fancyman, Russell (Dermot Mulroney) despite awkward moments.

Don’t look now, but the “New Girl” on the block has a formidable new posse.

And with the quirkiness and “adorkability” quotient spread out among them, instead of being concentrated in the the tractor beam of Zooey Deschanel’s doe eyes, it has allowed the funny elements—like the Fancyman arc—to permeate. Whereas last week undercut the social class clash with a “the gang needs to grow up” mantra, this week ditched any semblance of social commentary for the latter. Wacky escalations of their resistance to evolution end up providing multiple kicks in the pants.

To start the program, in place of a thought-provoking discussion of the staggering wealth gap, we’re treated to a perhaps equally divisive philosophical question: What do you call it when a man pees with a shirt on, but his pants down?  I found this question hilarious, and the continually impressive group dynamic did not disappoint. Jess thought it would be called a “Tony the Tiger,” but Schmidt points out that Tony only sports a bandana around his neck. Winston says it could be any of the Chipmunks: Alvin, Simon or Theodore. But Schmidt seems to have the final word when he surmises, “Any cartoon bear really, except for Yogi, who is just a bear with a tie.”

This scene set the tone for the rest of the episode for me. Though Nick and Jess (and Nick’s law school buddy, Dirk) would be in one setting, and Winston, Cece and Schmidt would occupy another, the thematic tie of this Fancyman epic brought out the best in all of them. And when you have this makeshift family on a collision course to confront an issue it seems to encourage a comedic one-upsmanship among the actors, which coaxed out a gem with a laughs per minute rival to “The Story of the 50″ while challenging “Jess and Julia” in the progress department.

As I alluded to, Dirk (played by bit-part showstopper Martin Starr), has come to visit the loft and Nick seems to be the only one who sees any redeeming qualities within him. Dirk’s a pseudo-acadamic, whose lecture on the link between Dylan Thomas and Bob Dylan said nothing and yet knocked the socks off his undergraduate students. Although, I was unclear if he was the professor of the stereotypically thick-headed coeds, or if he just called himself Professor because he’s a “degree collector” according to Nick. Jess finds him particularly creepy, put off by his lady scarves and his sexual advances equally.

Cece then storms in and after a skeezey come-on by Dirk, Cece admits to seeing someone, whom we all know is Schmidt. So, he takes it to heart when Dirk insinuates that Cece prefers her relationship because she is the boss and her man is the submissive “sex-retary.” One thing you can’t deny about Dirk, he may essentially be a pretentious bum, but he does read people effectively. Therefore, when Cece throws herself and a granola bar at him, begging to add something called “The Horse Trough” (this prospect both excited and scared the crap out of me) to their sexual repertoire, Schmidt is for once not in the mood. Cece summons her “girls” (coincidentally actress Hannah Simone does have it going on in the chest area, and pulls off her role as a supermodel convincingly) to settle the argument. Schmidt calls them Harold and Kumar (tee hee). And although I’m sure the pair has squashed many a squabble, Schmidt only reminisces on the many zany adventures they’ve had, but insists he can’t go to White Castle.

Winston asks to borrow Schmidt’s car, nay “Manbulance,” (every detail about Schmidt, including his possessions are tailored to perfection) to drive newly anointed girlfriend, Shelby, to the airport. She’s off to Mexico with the girls, and she seems to be searching for a reason not to go. Winston acts the part of supportive boyfriend, but botches the execution by saying, “We could both use some space.” Dirk breaks it down for him post-lecture: when you don’t allow a woman room to move, then it’s hard for her to have sex with other people. But when you give her space to move around, she could be having so much sex. It’s basic, and assumes the worst in women, but his teachings worry Winston to the point of panic.

Then we come to Jess, and the Fancyman saga. Her second date with Russell (Dermot Mulroney) ends awkwardly when he leans in, only to give her an affection-less back pat. On their third date, with the lingering tension from that mishap hanging over her, Jess awkwardly (as she’s prone to act when under pressure) avoids the topic—in the worst and yet funniest way possible—with references to his age, such as how sad it was when the Beatles broke up (he was one) and if he’s gotten his prostate checked (she had her breast exam and it’s all boob in there). After Russell catches on to her antics she blurts out, “Why didn’t you kiss me the other night?” Subsequently, he receives a text and bolts. He leans in again too, but only to leave her $100 for cab fare.

A busy night soldiers on with Cece desperate for some Schmidt-tastic sex. This concerned me slightly, only because this insatiable side is the only we’ve seen, but when she confesses to not wanting to mess with what they have later, those worries were assuaged. Still, I hope that the dimensions of Cece are more defined if the relationship does indeed last. If anything else, it was silly to see such a knockout struggling to seduce Schmidt and come up short. Cece then concedes she will do anything, anywhere. Without hesitation, Schmidt deploys Fantasy Location #3, setting up a reveal that I trusted “New Girl” would follow through.

Dirk attempts to boost Nick’s confidence, claiming he used to melt the panties off girls in law school. “If panties were snow, you were March, bro.” But Nick is painfully out of his element as he reluctantly consents to an afterparty in the loft. When he realizes, however, that twenty-year old girls think he’s awesome just because he knows how to make drinks, he embraces their carefree antics and his inner frat boy comes out to play. He brags to Jess, “I’m Skylar’s Fancyman,” bringing it all full circle with the first part (last episode) where he had admired the pride and prowess of Russell, having not felt that kind of nobility since those collegiate glory days. Even Jess joins in when she returns, depressed that she’s pushing thirty and “will probably die alone.” She escapes into a realm where she reigns as “Flip Queen.” (for my older set, Flip Cup is a drinking game where…well, you flip cups).

After leaving a crazed message, that comes off more creepy than sincere (“I want the air you breathe to be the air I breathe until we’re both inhaling carbon dioxide and we pass out and die”), Winston “borrows” the Manbulance. Now, let’s play a game real fast. Where do you think Fantasy Location #3 is? I’ll wait….Time’s up. If you guessed the trunk of the Manbulance you win! What’s that? Oh, you get nothing, just the satisfaction of—yeah, I let myself down, too. But that twist felt earned to me, because Schmidt would pride himself on having sex in the roomy trunk of his car.

Winston doesn’t discover their presence until a prying border patrolman notices them when Winston crosses back into America after a phone reconciliation with Shelby . I adored the cheesiness of his pleas to win back her affections like, “You make me so brave” and referring to her “soul song.” The sort of nod that black folks don’t talk that different in relationships from white folks was refreshing. I thought a lot of the jokes were as witty as they were sophomoric actually. Also, any time I’m blessed with hearing Lamorne Morris belt out the soundtrack to “Wicked” (which I may, or may not, know well myself) is wonderful. The horror and utter disbelief was sold by Morris as well, and I can already tell next week will be a hilarious reveal for Nick and Jess. Does this mean I need to give them a couple name? How does Schmece (pronounced SHMEE-CEE) sound?

The denial duo get far too plastered before Russell shows up to talk privately with Jess. He selflessly offers rides to some of the young females, and Nick tags along and confirms my past commendations of drunken Nick. But besides that, a small miracle occurs. Dermot Mulroney pulls off potentially the single worst line, on its own, that I’ve ever heard. And yet he delivers it with such charisma, vulnerability, and silver-haired foxiness that even as a straight man I’m sold: “I wanted to kiss you the other night. I wanted to do more than kiss you. I’d like to ‘do’ you at some point. I can really give it to you. But I’ve forgotten how to tell when it’s the right moment. I was nervous.” HOW IN THE WORLD?! If I EVER tried that line out on a woman, I would get slapped so hard I’d consider a lawsuit for pain and suffering and worker’s compensation for all the recovery time necessary. And he, got his kiss. But that’s the timeless allure of Dermot Mulroney for you.

Thanks to Mulroney, and Martin Starr’s static shock-inducing dry wit, this episode reeked of sleaze. But it never felt malicious or threatening, and sort of exuded a humility, a desperation for something, someone, to hold on to. The justification for the Fancyman saga is centered around how it forced everyone involved to grow up. Winston and Shelby and Schmece (I like it) were able to voice what they mean to each other, Jess expressed her concerns that she wasn’t sophisticated enough for Russell (who apparently owns a hot air balloon and a hangar), and Nick will surely have a revelation about the direction of his life once “the poison” has left his body. Speaking of which, Nick panicking post-puke, thinking he was lost in the woods when the car couldn’t have been more than thirty yards behind him, was comedic gold. And I must admit, even sober, I don’t know the answer to his inebriated pondering, “When does a hill become a mountain?”

For sticking the landing on what seemed like a crummy excuse for a two-parter and for executing four separate plots—and intersecting them effortlessly, so that they consolidated into two by the end—that expanded upon the concept of maturation for each of them, I must acknowledge the self-awareness that has been masterfully woven into the fabric of the series. Elizabeth Meriwether and company took what could have been a cash cow, and has made it possibly prize-winning pig—both smart and filthy. As I’d alluded to, it’s up there with the other contenders which narrowly missed a KO, but scored a nothing-to-sneeze-at A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- “Guys my age…they just wanna go for the gold. And I’m stingy with my gold, unless they dig for it.”

- Cece: Hey someone left your front door open. Dirk: Someone left your face beautiful.

- “Russell said he runs with the bulls, and quote, not the tourist-y ones in Pamplona, end quote.”

- “If you’re going to seduce me, don’t dress up like my Aunt Frieda at Seder.”

- Undergrad student Skylar to Nick: “You can get me drunk, professionally?”

- “Why is the cast of ‘The Social Network’ in our apartment?”

- Schmidt: So you’re saying you’d rather sit in my urine for the rest of the car ride than admit to Winston we’re sleeping together?  Cece: Yup absolutely don’t even have to think about it.

- Schmidt: That’s a stop sign.  Winston: I think it’s a go sign. Because if someone like you is sleeping with someone like her, then maybe the whole damn world’s upside down.”

- “Look at ‘em! They don’t know what ‘Saved by the Bell’ is and they’ve never felt pain!”

Class differences intimidate Jess as she dives into a romance with a wealthy father, Russell (Dermot Mulroney).

While I wouldn’t call “New Girl’ mindless, I would never expect the show to tackle larger social issues on a macro level. If Jess had watched the “Kony 2012″ video and been outraged they could have gotten some mileage out of that. Or perhaps Nick runs out of gas, but refuses to pay such exorbitant prices so he starts hitchhiking to work. I’m just spitballing here, but “New Girl” is a show about twentysomething struggles that are highly attuned to the neuroses of their “core four” and is only interested in social ills in the context of how they throw a wrench into the delicate balance of their shambled lives.

That said, I can reluctantly forgive the reductive way in which the income inequality gap was addressed in “Fancyman (Part 1).” I mean, how could you take an episode with that title seriously? It might as well have a fake mustache and be “making it rain” with Monopoly money. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t it anger me when Jess’ new love interest, Russell (played with the usual silver-haired debonair by Dermot Mulroney), instructed Nick that he didn’t have a lucrative job, or at least a formidable credit score, because he hadn’t grown up yet and was still a lazy, unmotivated kid. Essentially, he recycled the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” cliche, which on a societal scale is far too simplistic and paints the majority of Americans (therefore much of the 99% bunch) with a broad brush.

However, when you consider Nick as the sole test subject, Russell hit it on the nose. Nick was enrolled in law school and dropped out. Though the show has yet to fully pin down his reasons (if he was miserable, I wouldn’t want to commit him to a profession he hates), he had opportunities offered to him that he refused to take. If I were asked to engage Russell in a discussion about the acquisition of his wealth, I would vehemently oppose the idea that everyone    can succeed as he has in the current economic climate. Thankfully, he’s fictional, so I can dismount my political high horse. I’ve made my peace with what I perceived was an insult to the Occupy movement’s outrage with corporate greed. I realizied that Russell and Nick are the smallest of samplings and it would be equally presumptuous to say that Nick is poor because he’s been mightily oppressed when all evidence suggests he’s stuck himself in this rut.

While implied political statements may have distorted, for me, any message to be gleaned, there were successful moments of character. Nick popped out of his misery-shell once he entered Russell’s man castle, seduced by his symbols of power and Jess faced her fear of men who “have it altogether” and therefore won’t need her caregiving abilities. Winston still gets shafted again though with the standard “she’ll love you for who you are” lesson, which didn’t ever seem to be an issue for him. Though he’s searching for an identity now that his basketball career has fizzled out, he’s never exhibited insecurities so much as a competitive streak. And Schmidt delivers a barrage of snaky remarks from the peanut gallery after being the center of attention last week.

Russell strolls into Jess’ classroom (rocking a bowler hat and a Mr. Monogamy name tag that’s somehow related to teaching sexual health) with fatherly concerns about his daughter, Sarah (who never appears strangely) and whether her focus on art has made her deficient in more practical areas of study. Jess resents Russell’s insinuations rejecting the stifling of creativity in favor of hunkering down on math. Regardless, the principal acknowledges that since he’s the third biggest donor to the school he deserves a say. Jess then rallies around Nick’s anti-rich stance, “We’re right where they want us, suckling on the teet of consumerism.” Fired up for her mini-Marxist revolution, she’s literally stalled when her car breaks down on the way to give Russell a dressing-down. Conveniently (as in TV-convenient) Russell happens to be stuck behind her and offers to have “his guy” tow her bucket and let her borrow his ride. Insulted at first, Jess is eventually persuaded by the smooth operator to accept his offer of kindness.

A confused Jess consults Cece about being entangled with someone of Russell’s status: “I only like guys who are free from success and think someone famous stole their idea. I like an underdog.” Sensing a destructive pattern, Cece suggests Jess date someone she doesn’t need to baby. This is an astute observation, and one I’m glad the show addressed. Despite the initial premise conveying that Jess would be the chaos introduced in the lives of three gentlemen, she ended up becoming the caregiver they DESPERATELY needed. The formula where the gang bands together to support Jess has been abandoned in the new calendar year, and now that Jess has gotten her sea legs she’s spicing up the complacency that had cast its shadow over the loft before she arrived. All the same, upholding the role of mother hen is not the healthiest way to construct a romantic relationship. Cece’s reality check then does the doubly important task of jolting Jess and furthering the mission statement of internal change we’ve been seeing across the board.

Nick then accompanies Jess to Russell’s palatial mansion for moral support. After mocking his kitchen decor, he enters his home office and is awestricken with its manly atmosphere—and smell, “It smelled like Shakespeare, if he were a damn cowboy, and boat fuel and cigars…man stuff!” This was the funniest portion of the episode because of how it transformed Nick into a willful victim of materialism. Corrupted by leather furniture and a wooden desk, we saw a side we’d never seen. Nick has had his goofball moments no doubt ( the “Bully” episode where he drives away Julia with his seven-voicemail panic attack), but the focus wasn’t on over-the-topness this time around, but an unresolved desire of his to command men, be self-made.

While Nick played pretend, Jess finally gets her confrontation. After being assaulted by a Japanese bidet, she says that she doesn’t care if he pulls the donation. She is going to teach her students how she sees fit. Russell never had that intention though, and he’s puzzled as to where Jess’ resentment comes from. After storming out, Nick convinces Jess to not be intimidated by his wealth—admitting he could be saying this because he’s in love with him (but really his things). Jess consents to have dinner with “Fancyman” opening the door of the ominous part 2.

As mentioned Winston gets a lame excuse for a plot, another fit of taking competition too seriously. This time it’s bar trivia, which Schmidt dominates. His sarcastic belittling cracked me up, especially when he admits to saying some pretty douchebag jar-worthy things. Also tacked on is our re-introduction to Alvin, that kid from WAY BACK in “The 23rd” where Schmidt’s boss offers him the job as part-time nanny. We have never seen him with the kid and it angered me because I never knew he took the job. There was the first really egregious continuity error as far as I can recall, and it didn’t affect any of the comedy or plot severely, I just wish the kid hadn’t dropped off the face of the earth. Couldn’t they have incorporated some silly excuse for why he hasn’t been around into the dialogue? *Deep breath* I suppose, I’ll just let it go. At any rate, his charge helps him study, with some hilarity, but ultimately he can’t beat The Master of All Knowledge, Schmidt. Obviously his old flame that he hopes to rekindle, Shelby, couldn’t care less about his prowess at stupid bar games. She didn’t need to even be impressed. She just wanted him. Awwww…Then the moment is promptly  killed by Schmidt, asking if he should play some Jodeci while they makeout. You’re so down, my brother.

Since I can’t completely ignore how their perspective on class issues irritated me, last night’s episode was up and down. Nick was a bright spot with his obsession over Russell’s possessions, and Jess’ progression as an eligible bachelorette was pleasant to witness. But with my boy Schmidt in the background and Winston still getting the short straw, this week will suffer the consequences of the unfair distribution of wealth. Try harder “New Girl!” Clearly those other critically acclaimed shows are putting forth more effort! Ah, if only the sitcom game were like the American economy, huh? Oh wait….With an inadvertent splash in the koi pond, New Girl stumbles into Part 2 of Jess’ misadventures with Fancyman, with a B-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- Winston knows Nick isn’t making a populist statement by not owning a cell phone: “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.”

- Jess: “Yeah! I’ll throw my phone in the fiery chasm where he keeps his poor people!” Nick: “Actually scratch that. My mom has your number in case of an emergency.”

- Winston: “I know what Mesopotamia is.” Alvin: “Use it in a sentence.”  Winston: “Look, there’s Mesopotamia!”

- “A kitchen island? Be a man, let your kitchen counter attach to itself.”

- “When I touch this desk, I feel sexually proficient for the first time in my life.”

- Nick strokes a wooden duck: “I wanna kill you, because I respect you. (shouts to Jess) I think I understand hunting.”

- “I hope you’re better in bed because your street work is embarrassing.”

- Entire end-credits sequence, where Nick pretends to be various executives seated at Russell’s desk, had me in stitches. A couple gems were: “Yes, this is the president of Earth. I’d like to speak to the galactic emperor? Yes, it’s about money” and “So is China mine, Mr. Ying?

Nick incurs serious debt to Winston from a poker game, and Jess tries to get Schmidt to relax on "New Girl."

I suppose this is one of those “truth will set me free” moments. So it’s confessional time with all you surrogate Fathers (and Mothers?) As much as Schmidt makes my heart sing, last night’s episode showed he could not carry the show as the lead.

Do not misunderstand, he’s still the most consistent source of laughs. But often the most side-splitting character is as such because he the personification of his neuroses or quirks. “New Girl,” as it has started to add more shading and definition to its rough-sketch first season, is attempting to break Jess free from this one-note mold to strengthen her sustainability as the lead. But Schmidt as one of the surrounding ensemble can afford to be a messy amalgamation of douche and OCD tendencies.

So my proclamation above is not a concession. Quite to the contrary, I thought this episode justified Schmidt’s presence even more, however Schmidt is no anchor. Despite his status as “order incarnate” he serves the role of Chaos. Jess may be the rogue element that “messes with the delicate ecosystem,” but tonight’s and all proceeding episodes she is the glue that binds these four separately insufferable people together…as a singular mass of insufferableness, with a big ole heart.

Now if Jess’ role is as the general that rallies the troops that molds the boys into men, then what is Schmidt’s role as roommate? That question serves as the focal point of “Control,” which is answered in unison by Nick, Winston and Jess: “You’re the mom.”

At the onset, the two influential women in Schmidt’s present both make suggestions that he change who he is fundamentally. Cece, still ashamed by her late-night Schmidt cravings, continues to drop him off a distance away from the loft so their friends are none the wiser. And surprisingly, Schmidt doesn’t like being treated like some man for hire. As he vents: “I have no control (whoomp, there it is) and it’s stressing me out.” Though it’s important to note, his objections do not stem from the emotional distance. His douchey side can reconcile that since, I mean, why rock the boat when your current situation allows you to sleep with a sickeningly gorgeous model? But the lack of a consistent schedule, or any say in when he will be summoned, has the neat freak on edge. Cece simply scoffs and says, “We’re just being spontaneous, you need to relax.”

Then after walking a mile barefoot back to his place, Jess further incenses his sensibilities when she tries to install a new fixture: a pine hutch she found on the side of the road. Looking to regain the control that has stripped from him, he says the hutch has got to go. Dismayed because she has nothing outside of her bedroom that she has contributed to the space, Jess pushes back, ignoring the seasoned vets in Schmidtness, Nick and Winston, who warn her that she’ll rue her efforts.

The scene that follows may have yielded the most laughs for me because the physical pain in Schmidt’s expressions is hands-down hilarious, and, refreshingly, Jess’ reigned-in and calculated responses—like her sarcastic, poorly French-accented staging of the forbidden intermingling between Tahitian and non-Tahitian spices: “What’s it like living in the most populated island in French Polynesia?” “I could tell you, or, I could show you.” The power struggle escalates even more from there with Jess intentionally shelving Schmidt’s top-of-the-line coffee grinder—a conical one, so it actually grinds the beans instead of smashing them like some “pedestrian blade grinder”—in the hutch, inciting his rage. It ends with the hutch tipped over and the glass shattered on the floor and the admission that he may have a problem

Resolved to help Schmidt be more spontaneous, Jess takes him to the boardwalk. In an ingenious stroke of comedy and camerawork, as Jess details all the pleasant aspects of the beach (the birds, the wind, the ocean) we inhabit Schmidt’s point of view which can only focus on the rodents eating trash, the dirty needles lying on the ground, and the kite  that flies into his face. This causes him to stand his ground and preach the importance of structure in his life. Ignorant of his needs, Jess is resigned to her philosophy that he needs to loosen up. It was pleasant on a non-comedic level too, to see their two belief systems pitted against each other. They both share an adherence to particular world views, and it’s common in our world for such stringent beliefs to cause friction. Often sitcoms will just chalk it up to “personality clashes,” but its often more deeply engrained and proves to be a barrier in establishing any sort of harmony.

But as these situations tend to play out, Schmidt slowly takes steps toward letting go. He uses a public restroom, and when Nick spills some beer to test him, he’s able to count to ten and be serene. Winston and Nick immediately worry that Jess has awoken a sleeping giant. Or, in this case, a hygiene-deficient, drum circle-joining, street meat wrapped in street meat-eating freak. Since his new bohemian lifestyle translates to no cooking and cleaning for the other three, Jess realizes her grave error. As spoken by sage Nick Miller: “Being friends with Schmidt is really complicated. You wanna change him so badly, but you can’t. Because he’ll only get worse.”

Jess, Nick, Schmidt and Winston (left to right) team up for some touch football, but end up tackling deeper issues.

Will witty, daring comedies forever be overshadowed by groundbreaking dramas because of its intrinsic not-seriousness?

Oftentimes, sitcoms of the traditional order will have “important episodes” where a serious subject matter is injected into this comic universe in an effort to manufacture an artificial sense of importance, but then it’s back to shenanigans a week later. Other shows will pour on the sap. An easy way to tap into the maple tree of emotions is love. No one that inhabits this earth (except the psychopaths, shout-out to Rush Limbaugh!) hasn’t experienced it, and there may never be anything more crucial to your existence then how or who you love.

“New Girl,” like its funny predecessors, feels compelled to be taken seriously, or at least make people cry. So far, on its mission to be noteworthy we have seen many an episode tackle the potentially volatile perkiness of its heroine. In “Jess and Julia” (a contender for the best all-around episode of the series so far) there was a head-on collision of value systems, and Jess was challenged for being superficial and naive. And in “Landlord,” Nick insisted that people are general jerks, and Jess assuming good in others is dangerous. In both instances, Jess came out with her beliefs intact, because whether or not it’s the “right” course of action its who she is, and it helps her navigate this distrusting world with a smily-faced stride.

This week, although her “Jessence” looms largely over the proceedings, Nick is the focus of intense character examination. Though Schmidt has been my favorite character and source of comedy, Nick has been built into the bevy of introspection. He has the richest backstory of all the roommates (Jess included) and is also the most self-loathing. It was always slightly troublesome that I found his pain so hilarious, but now it’s clear: he’s an extrapolation of the twentysomething anxiety. He can’t afford the basic necessities to take care of himself, he’s consumed with how he is perceived by others, and as he divulges, “If I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t do it.”

What started with Jess ramming into Nick in a game of touch football, escalated (as is required per maximum laughs) into the threat of thyroid cancer. Sadie reappears (June Diane Raphael) as the OB/GYN, and only doctor friend who won’t charge him, that discovers the could-be tumor when examining his back injury. In a humorous back and forth, she tells him not to take some pain pills because she can’t legally prescribe them to him (they’re intended for heavy menstrual cramps), but Nick gets psyched out and is unsure whether he should swallow them.

Once Jess tells the rest of the gang about Nick’s flirtations with death, silly overreactions commence, culminating in Winston’s delightful and spot-on Aaron Neville impression, Schmidt attempting drunken-freestyle and sober Cece picking up the slack before Jess confronts the real issue: Nick doesn’t want to admit he could be brushing up against death because he doesn’t do anything. Nick resists the accusation at first, but realizes soon after that besides a half-written zombie novel, he’s been too afraid to put himself out there. Whereas some folks can jump in an ocean at night, Nick stays behind to watch their wallets. This prompts the five-some to haul ass to the oceanside so Nick can cleanse himself of his fears. In a refreshing twist, his fears are confirmed by the frigid waters.

Though the obligatory tenderness of this “special episode” does occur, it was tastefully done. Schmidt copes by focusing on the sand imprint of Cece’s perfect butt, and she sets him straight when she references her dead father and how Schmidt will just have to “get through it.” Nick caves a bit and expresses his gratitude that Jess has come into his life, and it caused me to panic some. His goofy hammered grin seems like one that would precede an inebriated kiss, but he just continues to grin, and I exhaled emphatically. Tension is a-okay with me, but the dynamic changes FOREVER if they’re allowed to hook up.

My prior knowledge of the inner workings of network TV tell me that the likely scenario is that the climax of the season will be their epic first kiss. I am willing to become a devout Christian, maybe even resort to an ascetic, monk-like lifestyle for the next couple months just so that my prayers will be answered and I will be proven wrong. There’s no chemistry, it’s more beneficial to the them as people to stay friends, and if this episode showed me anything it’s that this has shaped into a neat ensemble show where Jess serves as the lynchpin and catalyst for behavior alterations. That’s the show I want, and the one that has worked. Also my boy Schmitty doesn’t deserve third wheel status.

Once the sun rises on the California beach, the hungover crew rolls off in Winston’s bucket to the hospital for Nick’s ultrasound. Winston’s beat-up ride was a painfully undercut side story, and it showed how dynamic the show can be when at least three of the four roommates have their own matters to attend to, but for this episode I would have been fine with just the Nick plot. Winston’s junk heap of a truck was just a forced piece of symbolism to me conveying that Winston cannot let go of his old life. Soon there will be no remnants of it left, reflected in how the car breaks down in the conclusion, and Winston will have to be a whole new person. This topic has been addressed incessantly, and I’m starting to grow weary that they don’t have any other material for Winston. His redefinition can be a continuing thread, but we have seen NO other sides to Winston, save his affinity for the bells.

As everyone predicted Nick’s neck was not filled with cancer juice and there is much rejoicing and togetherness, especially when the other four pick up the tab, and only implore that he get an actually wallet. In the most uproarious bit of the night, Nick reveals that his wallet his a sandwich bag with his license and money inside. Nothing else made me cackle quite like that bit of character humor. Bravo.

Judging by the selection of Beach House’s “Take Care” at the end, “New Girl” was not being coy about going for cloying. Their intended for this episode were one that would tug a bit on the heartstrings and spend more time in silence then is customary for a comedy so predicated on the word by word construction of its rapid fire jokes. Whether it was shots of Nick looking out at the sun spilling onto the serene ocean water or Winston yanking his license plate off the car in another metaphorical effort to separate Winston from his old self, it was clear that in all directorial respects they were going for the jugular. But considering they sacrificed little humor, and accomplished their end without compromising character integrity (perhaps they even bolstered it in Nick’s case), I approve of this slight departure from “New Girl” status quo.

Though “Injured” has left me somewhat scarred, still worrying about whether the writers will give Lamorne Morris his well-deserved shot to showcase Winston. And the encroaching possibility of a Nick-Jess pairing that continues to terrorize and threaten. Still, its efforts to attain importance for intelligent comedy were noble. For allotting a half hour to explore the depths of a character’s anxieties without losing out on comedic opportunities—we still got Schmidt being Schmidt and that indelible memory of their liquor-fueled jam session—I will yield positive test results with a B.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “I can taste my spine.”

- “You’re walking like a Disney witch.”

- “Did you just Fredo-kiss me?”

- Nick’s excuses for not getting the ultrasound: He has to find a lost stamp, and he has to record the whales.

- “I always told him to treat his body like a temple, and he treats it like a dump!”

- Nick on his menstrual cramp pills: “I feel really warm in my uterus.”

- “Are you really using your friend’s illness to feel my boobs with your face?”

- “You don’t get to speak at my funeral.”

- Great visual gag: Jess trying to put the baby back into the uterus model at Sadie’s office

wireimage.com

Steven Spielberg’s new television show “Terra Nova” was called off by Fox after its first season.  The show premiered last September and ratings have not been up to par.

“Terra Nova is a big swing – and the best of Fox tends to be big swings, in concept and/or tone,” Fox Entertainment President Kevin Riley told Hollywood Reporter about the risk of airing the show. “We are in the big-bet business. So if you’re looking to break through and garner a big share of a fractured audience, and it is going to be costly regardless, you take the most exciting shots you can for your audience.”

The two-hour premiere of the show cost Fox between $10 to $20 million, and the station was unable to spend that much with such low ratings.

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and Winston (Lamorne Morris) are disturbed by Nick's (Jake Johnson) behavior.

“I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self-loathing.”

When Cece spoke those words she was lamenting and rejoicing in her affinity for Schmidt’s sex game, but they oddly summed up my regard for this show. If this episode cemented anything it was this paradox: the coexistence of irredeemability and charm within each roommate. Since inspiration seems to be at a premium tonight, but “New Girl” warrants a impassioned assessment, lets spice things up like Schmidt and Cece in the bedroom..or car…or Starbucks bathroom. I’m gonna examine each character and why it is that all of them simultaneously perplex and delight me. I’ll even give Cece a whirl (who wouldn’t—goddamn she’s infuriating how gorgeous she is).

When Fox was promoting this assumed Zooey Deschanel vehicle, we thought we were getting a quirky single girl shaking up the lives of three normal shrubs. What we got instead was a quirk-tet, a foursome of freak. A peculiar-palooza.

JESS: In recent weeks, Jess’ worldview has been challenged. Julia, Nick’s girlfriend (at the time) was the scrambled to her sunny side up, countering her compulsive singing and vibrant pattern dresses with sardonic jibes and earthy tone pantsuits. For the first time, Jess began to reevaluate her “thing,” and the merits of being pretty, cheerful and innocent in a cutthroat world. As I documented then, I was proud she stuck to her guns and livened an albeit lighthearted discussion of what constitutes femininity in the age of fluid gender. But for her as an individual it meant a regaining of self-awareness and pride. This week she regressed a bit, reacting with contempt for a student, Brianna, who made a mockery of her musical problem solving with a YouTube animation of her impromptu concert. While “Sad Sparrow (Imagine A World Without Bullies)” wasn’t a lyrical treasure, it wasn’t horrendous and her intentions of empowering Nathaniel, a husky boy who’d been the victims of a coin-related harassment, were noble. But Brianna when confronted continued to dish out harsh observations of what she perceived was Jess’ “mask of happiness.”

Not one of us would react well if someone reminded us of our struggles in companionship, but Jess impulsively rips apart Brianna’s robot arm for the science fair. My objection to her behavior does not lie in the rashness, but in her insecurity. Jess struck me at this point as someone who would relish the attention of the internet parody (I mean being transformed into a bird that poops all over a guitar is badass) and be flattered. After all, if she’s already learned that she is proud of herself as a woman, why would a child’s reminder of a couple failed relationships send her over the edge? At least when the robot arm malfunctioned she owned up to her sabotage immediately. If she hadn’t, I would have been downright angry that the writers decided to portray her as so naive and inept again. She isn’t an incompetent teacher, she just has a rosy-cheeked style that some elementary girls might find off-putting or superficial. Certainly a self-assured Jess would translate into less shenanigans, but her road to individual discovery is less refreshing when you’ve trekked it before.

NICK: With the addition of Julia, we’ve been able to glean that Nick is, at times, crippled by his insecurity. He tries way too hard to be impressive and comes off obsessive instead. I was terrified for him when the cactus immediately signified disaster for him. I’m a critic. I analyze, for fun, and I found that disturbing. Yes, women are nuanced beings and more is being said by what is unsaid usually, but when you are ascribing meaning to a plant you’re asking for trouble. Even if unconsciously the gesture was an indictment of his character, you keep that observation to yourself. I’m no lothario by any stretch, but I do know that if you push a woman into a choice she wasn’t ready to make she will likely choose the path of least resistance, which means leaving you behind.

I’ve had my share of seven voicemail panic attacks where I felt like choosing the wrong words would mean selecting the coffin I’d be buried in, and watching that desperation unfold was both humorous and horrifying all at once. If any character kept steamrolling along this week, in terms of an expanded definition of who he is when cornered, it was Nick. His descent from denial to emotional collapse was like a train wreck made of gold. It was violent and unsightly, but it shone radiantly as an example of the hilarity that can be our own misfortune.

WINSTON: A consistent gripe of mine has been a discrepancy in airtime for Winston who has shown promise when given the chance, often opposite a new or minor character.  This week, he’s relegated to peanut gallery status, but he delivered some of the funniest, though I’ll admit incredibly random, lines of the night. Like when Schmidt refuses to reveal who his new lover is (she’s an anomaly in that he has slept with her on consecutive nights), Winston remarks how the fun to be had when Schmidt has girls over. In particular, he likes to pretend he’s his spurned, down-low lover, Theodore K. Mullins. Despite not being an active participant in any of the three plots (aside from attempting to fix Brianna’s robot arm with his “good scissors”) he takes the script’s handoff and runs with it. Other instances include him buying into Schmidt’s crescent moon diversion, his bully flashback complete with catchphrase (Brown Lightning!) and his misguided effort to tell off Brianna’s moms by insinuating that their daughter is a demon child (exact quotes will reside below in LOLLs). Surely, Lamorne Morris deserves a more demanding role, one where Winston, like Nick must face some ugly personal demons, but if you’re gonna be a benchwarmer he’s making the most of his playing time.

SCHMIDT (and a little something for Cece) : My devotion to this man was expressed early and often, but love means wanting the best for those you care about. So with a heavy heart, I must criticize the handling of my favorite douchebag. Truthfully, it’s because he was so unnaturally douchey that I objected to some of his material. The honest-to-goodness laughs stemmed from Schmidt’s responses to Cece feeling “100% ashamed” of him, and how he reconciled snatching such a babe with her reluctance to be seen in public together. Max Greenfield impersonating a dog left in a car with it paws hanging over the cracked window: genius.

However, I was dumbfounded and even irritated by the absurd amount of cheese metaphors. I suppose it was funny for Cece to be turned on by his allusions to “sharp cheddar” and what not, but Schmidt was at his Emmy-best when he was a mixture of neurotic and attention-seeking. The douchebag never left, but he would take a respite frequently so that the hygiene freak or the culture snob could come out to play. The simplistic portrayal was disappointing, but I was encouraged by the potential of his and Cece’s sexcapades. Though, Schmidt bragging about her at breakfast was too much and seemed like a complete concession for Cece who had just voiced concerns of being viewed as a prize. Granted, Schmidt slipped into some tenderness, admiring her smarts and ballsiness besides her boobs and dope body. But that’s Schmidt, ladies and gentlemen. He is not smooth, nor someone you want to show off, but he’ll charm the pants off you anyway.

We also mourn the end of Julia (the dork-adored Lizzy Caplan), who broke up with Nick and thus exited the “New Girl” universe. The character’s misgivings about the relationship were illuminated by his ramblings on the cactus over several painful voice messages. Though it was an abrupt end to her run, which was fruitful, especially when you factor in “Jess and Julia,” I sensed her role in Nick’s life had been fulfilled. In that vein, credit goes to the producers for commitment to story and not to ratings, contracts and all that hubbub. After such a magnificent string of episodes, I was underwhelmed by tonight’s fare (hence the experimentation in formatting), mostly due to some noticeable stagnation on the part of Jess and Schmidt. It’s unfair to expect growth every week, but “Bully” was a contrivance designed to tread familiar and comedically safe territory. However, for an unabashed glimpse into Nick’s sorrow and no shortage of quotables from Winston (a.k.a Theodore), or even my Schmitty, I’ll let a dip into a less refreshing pool slide. The love in the air from last week evaporates by almost a full letter grade,  B.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines: 

- “Did you feel me sweeping you down the current of my body? You were like a canoe on my river-body.”

- Winston as Theodore K. Mullins: “Damn it Schmidt! In our bed? Where we shave each other? I’ve loved you. I always have.”

- “I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.”

- “Leave me in the desert I’d grown some needles. You bet I would.”

- The next three begin Nick’s symptoms of denial:

“Julia dumped me. Sad face. You wanna go to the beach with me? Because I’m ready to rock, but I real don’t wanna be alone.”

“You know, the news only focuses on what goes wrong. It never talks about what goes right! Hello? Evolution?”

“You guys wan watch ‘The Piano’ later?”

- “She is the spawn of Satan! And I do believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, people like her should not be building robots.”

Jess seduces Oliver (True Blood's Ryan Kwanten) into an out-of-character one night stand on Valentine's Day.

The collective anxiety of my fellow twentysomethings in anticipation of this Valentine’s Day was downright disturbing. More than any other year I can recall, the rebels and the traditionalists fled to Facebook and Twitter to voice their grievances. Either those in relationships devalued those who were single, by overemphasizing their good fortune, or single folk devalued the holiday so that those with valentines would feel as though their festivities were trivial. I’d imagine February 14 and the surroundings days are the therapists’ busy season (aside from the winter holidays) because it’s sickening how much weight is put on the perceived stability of our love lives. The message is: no one bought you chocolates or flowers on this designated holiday, well then you are less worthy of personhood! You actually celebrate this inane occasion? Then you’re unworthy for playing into romantic notions that only exist to increase profits for the floral and greeting card industries!

In any case, the discourse surrounding Valentine’s Day had been largely antagonistic. Tonight’s “New Girl” tackled the overriding sentiment that romance, however fleeting, is required on this arbitrary day. Each of our pals deal with it in strange yet characteristic ways that ensured authentic laughs by marrying the insecurity of the holiday with the neurotic and ego-driven tendencies of the roommates. Jess’ game plan for avoiding sorrow and reflection is to “look for some strange” a.k.a willing participants in a one night stand. Schmidt steps up as her coach and prospective wingman in avoiding attachment. Despite Nick’s general apathy for the holiday, he and Julia (Lizzy Caplan, again) set out to embrace the holiday that has scorned them with a typical night out. Winston, agrees to a night-in with Shelby since he’s walking on eggshells repairing the damage his former arrogant baller self caused.

Jess’ pursuit of a hit-it-and-quit-it ended up a stroke of genius that forced Zooey Deschanel and the writers to explore how she adapts to the quirks of others. True Blood’s heartthrob, Ryan Kwanten, plays Oliver, a man so dumb and dull that his most common conversation piece is tacos. Jess tells Schmidt she’s hit the jackpot, because zero bond is established between them aside from physical attraction. But a Lemony Snicket-ish series of unfortunate events unfolds, foiling Jess’ efforts to satisfy her “dirty twirlies” (a Jess-ence phrase meaning she is horny).

The convoluted scenario starts to take shape when Jess requests Schmidt drive Oliver and her to his place (neither of them drove to the bar). Initially reticent, Schmidt obliges. At Oliver’s place, Schmidt gets sucked into watching a movie, but eventually extricates himself, only to find his tires have been stolen by “youths.” Cece (of course Jess’ supermodel friend) calls him, frustrated with her boy toy, Kyle, who’s tripping balls off a slice of pizza topped with shrooms. Schmidt then asks Cece for a ride, so she swings by. In a somewhat shocking turn, Oliver’s ex (and roommate) appears, fuming over his makeup session with Jess. Vulnerable and seeking revenge she kisses a shirtless Kyle shortly after he, Cece and Schmidt arrive much to Jess’ chagrin. When Cece tries to separate her man from this unstable woman a catfight ensues. Thus, Schmidt and Cece and out-of-this-world high Kyle leave for the loft. I’m sure reading that was as exhausting as it was to watch. There is comedic payoff sprinkled throughout, but it struck me a bit like a scenic route to arrive at the twists to come…

Nick shows up at Julia’s office to pick her up for dinner reservations, but she’s deeply entrenched in her work. Despite his disappointment we get to enjoy the company of Julia’s intern, Cliff (Clark Duke). Duke fits seamlessly into this cast, delivering many awkward gems as he acts on his wildly apparent attraction to his boss. Another rewarding side effect of Nick’s waiting is the reveal of his life immediately post-law school. Needless to say, it’s L.O.L.L-worthy, involving dressing in drag, so, win. Unfortunately for Nick his story’s personal epiphany that he didn’t want to work for someone else his whole life encourages Cliff to quit, inciting Julia’s half-hearted attempt to win him back: “Cliff, no! We’re gonna start paying you so soon.” This stunt sends Nick to the doghouse, but he earns his way back into her good graces by incorrectly organizing her papers and their mutual appreciation for each other comes to the forefront. It’s a big step for them, realizing that this inconsequential celebration meant something to him. Julia also channels Jess by donning assorted Valentine’s headgear, recalling her reluctance from “Jess and Julia” where her discomfort with cuteness was a major point of contention.

Winston also gets his not-according-to-plan evening when he is surprised with a girls’ night at Shelby’s apartment. Realizing that his tolerance of the evening could pay dividends as he tries to prove his mettle as a suitor, he endures even offering her friends decent, albeit silly, advice: “Seriously, Tia, you do not wanna be with a man who has fancier underpants than you.” A universal truth I’d say. At any rate, Shelby apologizes for the night not meeting his expectations, but she confesses it to be a test, a slightly spiteful one too. She reminds Winston of his dick-ish actions on Valentine’s Day 2008 where he stood her up. Ashamed, Winston wonders whether or not he deserves a second chance, but Shelby affirms him saying that here he is getting one anyway. The door then literally closes on her resentment and implications of naughtiness ensue.

The wrap-up to the Jess/Schmidt fiasco is messy, yet satisfying. Jess leaves early when Oliver starts to cry over his ex who watches them makeout while munching on his beloved tacos. Jess helps them reconcile (I mean, duh), Skypes with his grandma in Hawaii briefly (okay…) then returns home. Schmidt subsequently instills some pearls of hookup master wisdom, saying Jess doesn’t want a stranger she wants someone she knows who won’t make it weird, who she can leave in the morning without being sucked into the horrors of a post-coitus brunch. Jess connects the dots, realizing Schmidt would be the ideal candidate according to that criteria. I thought Schmidt was too obviously manipulating her into sleeping with him and that Jess should not have been so swayed, but I suppose her “dirty twirlies” make her do crazy things. So she grabs her “hundy pack” of condoms (a hell of a sight gag), about to knock on Schmidt’s door when Nick starts her calling her out on her absurd behavior. She understandably retreats, but behind his bedroom door it’s revealed that it would have been a fruitless endeavor because SCHMIDT AND CECE ARE TOTES GONNA DO IT!!! I found it believable as Cece’s inexplicable attraction has been alluded to for some time now, and with Kyle off in outer space she was vulnerable and geared up for sex.

Overall, the conclusions to the respective romances felt earned and gratifying. If Jess had hooked up with the “True Blood” hunk, it would have felt too easy. Plus, I like that she was pushed to act out of character, but going through with the act would have been asking me to believe her Jess-ence wasn’t so firm. Also, what better way to depict her desperation for Valentine’s physicality then giving in to Schmidt. Cece made perfect sense, especially when you consider their mutual affection for the book, “The Phantom Tollbooth” (see L.O.L.Ls). Nick and Winston were beat for beat solid too. Both encounter obstacles that were deserved, and showed off their better qualities to weasel their way into their woman’s arms.

The successes didn’t entirely overshadow the mental claustrophobia though. I know as a holiday, the episode serves as a novelty, but I’d caution the series about “too many cooks.” Great guest stars also bolster this episode into comedic excellence as the night felt well-rounded in its joke material. The standout lines ranged from pop culture references to character oddities to more off-beat Nick back story to situational hilarity. I’d say “New Girl’s” efficiency was exemplary, utilizing V-day for story momentum and stylized laughs. For softening the blow of singles anxiety, that this wretched yet cutesy day inevitably conjures up, with an at times unsettling and frantic, yet strikingly effective rendering of what happens when we put our hearts on the line, “New Girl” becomes the benefactor of my holiday spirit. I’m spreading the love for this contender to the crown of best episode yet with a A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- “I don’t go out on Valentine’s Day…it’s like a Dominican teenager playing Little League, it’s not fair for everybody else.”

- Cliff to Nick, on his hot boss and Nick’s girlfriend, Julia: “I would take that to Pound Town, make her visit the boneyard”

- “We’re actually gonna meet up later. He says he has a surprise for me.” “Spoiler: it’s his penis.”

- Schmidt’s desert island books: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Machiavelli’s The Prince, Freak by John Leguizamo, any script from season 1 of “Vampire Diaries” and The Phantom Tollbooth.

- “I’m here with two other girls drinking cranberry juice talking about Michelle Obama’s upper body workout.”

- “It’s a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere.” Schmidt’s pronunciation of “youth” is priceless.

- Cece’s boyfriend tripping on a tire swing at the park: “I love brown people!” Cece’s curt response: “That’s racist, Kyle.”

- After dropping out of law school and getting heartbroken Nick reacted as such: played guitar in a ska band, gambled a lot, spent a weird week in a blonde wig demanding to be called Sandy Ferguson, and traveled to Mexico to enter into a cockfight…as a human

- Cliff on his plans now that he has quit his job as intern: “I’m gonna drive till I see the sun. And for once I’m gonna spend time with my birds. Boom.” Boom indeed, Cliff. Boom indeed.

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and the gang try to dupe their strict, creepy landlord.

A hilarious “New Girl” is no longer equivalent to finding a diamond in the rough. Dare I say, it may be the most dependable new comedy. All the praises I’ve sung in recent weeks still apply. I’ve harmonized about its self-referential humor, or melodized over hitting its stride in respect to laugh-per-minute ratios, and I must preach again to the overworked choir. The writers have not fallen asleep at the wheel, continuing to pit that undeniable “Jess-ence” (trademarking it!) against every dysfunctional roommate and guest star with stellar returns.

This week, we confront the eternal struggle of People inherently suck vs. People are inherently good. Original sin vs. Redemption. The cold open presents this ideological standoff when Nick vies for the same parking space as another gentleman. Both quickly resort to hostile tactics to get what they want. When Nick beckons him to fight, his opposition pulls out a gun. Jess then talks the man down by conceding that Nick was being an idiot and that she was sorry about the altercation. The man then drove off and the powers of optimism prevailed. Unconvinced, Nick does not back down from his stance that people are jerks at their core.

When more appliances start to break down in the loft, Jess insists they ask the janitor to fix them. When the manly trio suggests they don’t because he is frightening, she takes it as a challenge. She enters his basement office armed with a plate of cupcakes. When she tries to appeal to his estranged side she lets it slip that there are four people living in an apartment designed for three. Apparently the gang had prepared for such an event and initiates an operation whereby they empty the contents of Schmidt’s room onto their balcony and he pretends to be a foreigner visiting LA. Landlord dude (played refreshingly off-putting by the hulky Jeff Kober) isn’t buying, but upon inspection he deemed the arrangement acceptable (only if Schmidt’s paints over a disturbing mural he describes as a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony). Jess then attempts to coerce some maintenance work out of him and like putty in her hand he agrees. Nick immediately assumes the landlord, who we learn is named Remy (Jess astutely observes his tattoo that reads, “Hello, my name is Remy”) is only trying to get in her pants.

The standoff that follows is a clash between two stringent believers. In quick flashbacks, we are enlightened about where their divergent perspectives came from in humorously simplistic vignettes. Nick’s memory is of finding a fiver on the sidewalk and feeling elated. Instantaneously, a jogging man pushes him into the brush after snatching it away. Jess’ memory is of a sketchy, grimy man pulling up to her in a white van who asked, “Do you like candy, little girl?” Jess unflinchingly answered, “I sure do.”

Now, I’m sure those of you who are like Nick and I were weary of what would come next. But of course, subverting stereotype, the man replies, “Good, because my nana made way too much!”. The sliding door of the van opens and a wheelchair-ridden Nana hands her a plate of candy. Obviously the world is much more nuanced than the hyperbolic scenarios that played out in their childhoods, but the show, once again, credits its audience with a high degree of intelligence: we know these are intentionally stark representations are going for laughs. Still, it provides us with a bit of context with which to understand why they so strongly defend their outlooks. I’d be down for this brand of characterization in the future where we can laugh at these embellished personifications of their childhood while being enlightened about their motives.

After completing his handiwork, and opening up a little about how he and his ex-wife, “stopped humping,” Jess invites Remy to dinner as a token of gratitude. Winston and Schmidt seem unenthused, still with some lingering fear of the burly man, but Nick insists he’ll stay as watchdog, protecting Jess from the landlord’s libidinous intentions. As the dinner progresses, and Nick and Remy bond over their harsh breakups, Jess begins her victory lap. She suggests that Nick should not sell people short and make it a habit to “dip your toe in the pool of possibilities.” However, she may have spoke too soon; Remy misconstrues their honest evening conversations as a preface for a menage a trois. Unwilling to relinquish or surrender, a battle to outlast ensues where Jess refuses to admit defeat and she plays along with Remy’s fantasy. Like a trooper, she fakes delight in the prospect of an excruciatingly awkward (Nick endures Remy’s callusy caress for far too long as well) threesome, up until Remy requests that Nick kiss her. She then folds and the gang resigns to tolerate any shoddy workmanship thereon.

Schmidt’s B-story reenforces his role as the comedic tour de force of the show, while remaining only slightly detached from the show’s soul. This is acceptable as long as he’s not ancillary to the main thread entirely, which this episode accomplishes. At work, his boss Kim is giving him mixed signals. Winston draws from history, convinced that Schmidt is once again misinterpreting someone’s interaction with him as an appeal for sexual gratification. The micro-montage of such instances was quite amusing particularly his insistence that the delivery man was definitely suggestive when he informed Schmidt he had “a package” for him. The most ingenious turn of this plot, however, was how right he was. Kim’s alluring tone as she requests he “Clean out her hard drive” was overtly sensual, but due to his miscalculations of the past, he refrains. Cece (Jess’ model gal pal that he pines for) advises him to go for it, since asking permission would only be a turn off. Therefore, when Kim alludes to spending the night alone with a bottle of wine, Schmidt conjures up the wherewithal to pounce on her. Unfortunately, when the security catch him in the act they observe incorrectly that he is jumping her and pin him on the ground and cuff him. The coda of this storyline is wonderfully absurd as well.

When Schmidt states his genuine intentions to pursue her romantically she uses her same luscious voice to urge him to dial her in to the Tokyo conference call. Perceiving this as the green light, Schmidt strips down to his skivvies in anticipation, unknowingly putting on a show for a fleet of Japanese businessmen as he pratices his sexy poses.

The thematic cohesion paid great dividends as we learn the dangers of staunch belief systems. Sometimes people do have ill intentions while being mostly kind-hearted and sometimes those who are attracted to us can ask us for favors without an ulterior sexual motive. The sitcom realm is frequently black and white, and “New Girl’s” stabs at meta-commentary continue to please and establish a sophisticated wit that I believe will usher in viewers who were skeptical of the show’s naked premises of a female roommate shaking up the lives of three male roommates.

I was disappointed, however, that Winston was not afforded a shred of a C-story. His two major contributions were as passerby witness to the thwarted threesome and as the discoverer of a damning list of Schmidt’s 2007 New Year’s resolutions (some of which I will post in L.O.L.Ls) and when he is tasked with painting over the mural in Schmidt’s “interplanetary sex dojo,” a description which had me gasping for air I laughed so violently. Winston has not always been neglected, but when he is it reeks of laziness, because they’ve sewn the fabric for future exploration of his post-basketball life and his struggles with readjustment.

The tie-in of assumptions and misinterpretations is presented so strongly though, its mostly forgivable. Nonetheless, I was thrown slightly as to why Jess would persist in indulging Remy’s horndog tendencies just to prove a point. It would only serve to degrade Jess to engage in such a seemingly horrendous act, but I suppose the over-the-top elements speak to how strong Jess and Nick’s convictions are to be right. Also, it served the added function of strengthening the sexual tension by teasing the “pool of possibility” that they might kiss. I’m not the biggest fan of a will they/won’t they scenario for this show, but those two clearly exude the most chemistry so I will keep an open mind, as Jess would recommend.

Those reservations aside, this week churned out another 22 minutes of top-shelf jokes (a surprising number were delivered by Zooey Deschanel as she continues to debunk the myths of her comedic shortcomings), reaffirmed my man crush on Schmidt’s buffoonery, and enhanced Jess and Nick’s likability by offering a background for those who scorned their apparent one-notedness. My outlook for the series’ future reflects that of our incessantly sanguine title character. “New Girl” persists in the face of low, but premature critical expectations, beating the odds with sustainability and a B+.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- When a stranger brandishes his gun, Jess shouts, “Oh my god, it’s like the Wire!”

- “I like your bucket of…gasoline. Super practical.”

- “I’ve got a fun exercise. I’d like every one to take a moment and think back to a time when you did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.”

- “You look like you should be distracting James Bond at a baccarat table.”

Some of Schmidt’s more notable New Year’s resolutions from 2007:

1. Find the cocoon that will release your inner butterfly

2. Find out where Winston gets his sparkle and steal it

3. Start floating idea people call me Mr. Finish/Gametime Jones/The Hookup-erator

4. Just pick a color of Crocs and buy them already!

- Remy, the landlord, finding common ground with Nick:

“Did you go out looking for companionship, a little human warmth, and when you came to you were in the woods, covered in animal blood?”

“In my own way.”

- Nick to Jess: I think you could do a lot worse than Remy. He’s got strong arms.”

- “Great choice, Remy. Nick will make a fantastic underpants captain!”

Julia (Lizzy Caplan) reluctantly represents the cutesy Jessica Day (Zooey Deschanel)

A show’s longevity can often be a testament to the respect for the fan base. Writers with their ear to the ground earn the privilege of long careers for being flexible, maintaining the ebb and flow between art and viewer. Nowadays, audience feedback has exponentially increased with the advent of blogs and message boards. Opinions don’t go unexpressed by the internet generation. Trends are cooked up in mere minutes and memes become notorious within just a few clicks.

So it should come as no shock that the folks at “New Girl” are privy to the cyber-rage being leveled at their leading lady. To be frank, Zooey Deschanel has done nothing to directly warrant the diss-heavy rhetoric of these incensed commentators, but the persona she embodies ruffles some feathers. She’s the eternal optimist. She’s the girl who bakes cookies and cupcakes “just ’cause.” As she confesses in tonight’s episode, “she’s probably touched glitter in the last 24 hours.” It’s sickening just how cheerful she can be and that provokes intense hatred among cynics and pragmatists the world over.

Tonight, creator Elizabeth Meriwether and writer Luvh Rahke fired back. Meta-commentary, or the act of referencing a show’s flaws/quirks/distinct qualities within the show itself, has become an integral evolution of the sitcom, especially with the new advent of the the single-camera comedy. When you can poke fun at yourself, you earn not only the respect of your detractors, but you embolden your apologists. Lizzy Caplan, introduced last week as Nick’s “we don’t like labels, but we have sex” partner, Julia, served as the mouthpiece for those disgusted by Jess’ sunny disposition. Eager to have another female in the apartment, Jess tries to befriend Julia. She asks the competent lawyer for her counsel in appealing a traffic violation. When they sit down to discuss the parameters of the incident, Julia draws first blood.

Jess recalls the incident, stating that the violation occurred when she stopped in the middle of the road to rescue an injured bird. In disbelief, Julia remarks to Jess that her “whole thing” might just help in court. Here’s a Girl-speak refresher course for you: “whole thing” is code for a defect in another’s girl personality, potentially a front for a more preferable personality type. She also adds that the big eyes resemble a “scared baby.” In laymen’s terms she passive-agressively told Jess, she thinks she’s weird. To combat her guilt, after she read Jess’ pained expression, Julia then confides in her, asking if she can share about Nick’s activity with other girls. When Jess takes the high road, deciding to not violate her trust with Nick, it begins a tale as old as time. The Girly Girl vs. The Smart Girl. Ring the bell.

Now, I too have been critical of Jess, but I never directed that frustration at Ms. Deschanel. Her charm, and magnetic screen presence should make other envious, and her sense of humor is unique and she owns it. My problem is as written she often acts so naive, she should be dead. But as this episode suggests, I believe her behavior is a lifestyle, a decision to embrace the loveliness in the mundane, to elevate the pretty to a level of equal importance with the substantial. This can be an interesting route to go comedically, because you can play with how her world affects her perception, and how she reconciles the inevitable conflicts that call her idealism into question.

Along with these ambitious efforts, there was also some silliness spread amongst out male trio. Nick was essentially entangled in the Jess/Julia standoff, but he had the privilege of backing off and letting it play out. However, he encountered some struggles of his own when Jess in a moment of atypical spite, deliberately told Nick that Julia inquired about his recent sexual activities. When he confronts Julia, they both try to maintain leverage, each one-upping the other’s claims of copious amounts of sex. By episode’s end, both have conceded they wish to be exclusive, dissolving their facades. Nick delivered many of his patented “trying too hard” non sequiturs, but he drew the most fervor from Schmidt when he admitted to using his towel unintentionally. Though he doesn’t understand the outrage. “Oh come on, I don’t wash towels, the towel washes me!” “You guys don’t share underpants either? That’s what roommates do!”

Schmidt, still my vote for new comedy MVP, launched a crusade on dampness. His theory is that with more girls in the apartment, his towel has gotten damper, and his fortress of cleanliness had been disturbed. At first, I was weary of this plot. I love me some Schmidt getting flustered, but I didn’t want this minute conflict to diminish the progress made two weeks ago where Schmidt opened up about what he really wants. Alas, my faith was rewarded, and we get a stellar scene where Schmidt in attempting to traverse the living area, sans towel, slips, exposing himself: his junk and his true feelings. In a fit of consternation, Schmidt voices his unmet expectations about living with Jess. He thought he would be having way more sex! Ha! Oh, New Girl, just when I thought Schmidt was going to level with us again, he rips a page out of Douchebag 101. I think the balance between these neurotic, douchey, and more vulnerable characteristics are superb, and should be all means be encouraged in the weeks to come.

Even Winston, gets a spotlight. I still feel as though we know far too little of who Winston is outside of a man without a country. That country used to be Latvia, where he was a humongous star with several endorsements. But now, not only is he jobless, but he must confront his insecurities. Without the glamour of his pro ball career, he has no game with the ladies. In an attempt to relive his glory days, he calls up Shelby, former booty call. In a bit of comic genius, it’s slowly revealed to us that Winston has broken all the cardinal rules of dating. First, he met up with her at HER OWN RESTAURANT, he made her get her own drink (water), and he talked about himself the whole time. Mad rusty. Shutting out any advice from Schmidt, Jess serves him some humble pie. She demands he listen to her, that he swallow his pride and realize he has no game, and admit that he was an idiot for using her before. The apprentice then shines by insisting Shelby tell him all that he has missed, and he fully claims responsibility for being a jerk in the past. The humility angle works and he scores a second date. His victory dance is so disturbing (and hilarious)that it almost alarmed her to point where she thought he might be having a seizure, but baby steps. That goes for the series too. It’s proceeding cautiously with Winston, unsure of what his identity can be apart from how he relates to his buddies and who he once was, but by humbling him, they have opened the door for post-Latvia Winston.

So who come out victorious in the showdown of frills vs. wit? Surprisingly, the winner wore a ribbon hat. Reluctantly fulfilling her obligation, Julia showed up to represent Jess, but it was during the post-trial recess where Jess began her defense. Once Julia made a smarmy remark about her “bird defense” Jess pulled no punches. Self-assured, she takes pride in her propensity for cuteness, but strikes the final blow, announcing that she hates what her pantsuit represets, Julia’s feelings of superiority. She can be just as smart, and tough and strong. If Meriwether backs up Jess’ swagger in the episodes to come, then I believe we can look forward to a whole new reservoir for material.

The only worry moving forward might be that they won’t find a better anti-Jess than Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Of course she is Nick’s squeeze for now, but when they inevitably break up (Nick’s nowhere near secure enough in himself to have a big boy relationship) we’ll lose the springboard for many great contentions. Even when they resolve their tensions in the end, and Jess invites her to crochet, Julia becomes incensed about her imprecision with the craft. Jess’ response: “If you are making a hat for a baby, you are done!” Where else can you find that kind of chemsitry? Let’s hope the well doesn’t go dry any time soon, because top-form New Girl is a thing of equal parts beauty and whimsy. For showcasing all the roommates, approaching the ambition task of meta-humor with grace and executing with tremendous payoff for Jess the character, and maintaining a level of pound-for-pound, joke-for-joke excellence, the fresh and ever-evolving “New Girl” has nearly established itself as a prizefighter in comedy circles with the back-to-back A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “He doesn’t believe in mail, which has to do with his views on government spending.”

- “I’m gonna smack that lawyer learning right out of her mouth.”

- “I’ll be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room, where nothing gets wet.”

- “Did you just hear the words ‘lesbian community’ and come rushing out of your room?”

- “I’m like a mailman. Except instead of mail, it’s hot sex I deliver.”    Wow, two mail jokes!

- ” If I acted like you at work, my students would turn in weird, really dark dioramas.”

- “I’m about to pay this $500 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch.”

- “As a lesbian gynecologist, perhaps we should sit down and talk about our OSI….oh, our shared interests.”

Jess (right) surprises Schmidt with his very own party bus (a revamped school bus).

I’m not gonna lie to you folks. I believe this…whatever you call what we have is…something special. It would be wrong of me to withhold in any way. So, I’m just gonna come out with it. This was my favorite episode of New Girl to date. Before I started covering the show for Blast I gave a prior episode a B+. The episode was “Wedding” and it was my first indication that this show could exceed expectations if they continued to strengthen the guy roommates while keeping the Deschanel charm to controlled bursts of frenzy as opposed to borderline psychotic episodes. The show has been fairly consistent since, but never truly stellar in the joke department. To be fair, this new brand of sitcom is not like the old-school and yet still celebrated method of setup and punchline. “New Girl” employs a mixture of those character-based jokes and wordplay that when done well can be an exercise in daring comedy, and when done poorly can be just plain awkward and frankly self-indulgent. Tonight’s fare was cooked well-done.

Loaded with jokes from beginning to end, my pen couldn’t keep up with its cleverness. At first, I wondered if it was almost narcissistic, calling to much attention to itself, but eventually I got lost in the banter. I was lulled into a state of numb smiles that I hadn’t felt since “Gilmore Girls” was in its prime, dropping pop-culture reference bombs. “Girls” never sacrificed who those delightfully witty Connecticut folk were while making smart comedy cool. Now, the humor on “New Girl” might be a smidgeon more sophomoric than that of the mother-daughter laugh riot, but tonight’s episode equaled its predecessor in Speedy Gonzalez-like joke delivery.

Our story begins at the chronological conclusion. Schmidt is prompted by Jess, Nick and Winston to stuff a fifty in the fabled “Douchebag Jar.” This gem of a prop was employed in the pilot and was for some the catalyst to their early fandom. The jar’s rules are lax to say the least, but the general principle remains that if Schmidt does something totally “douchey” as deemed by his fellow roommates he must pay a fine, the amount of which is determined by the offended party. Some prior examples of douchebaggery include his shipment of “customized customs,” his ignorance as to what 90′s rap group, N.W.A, stood for (he thought it was “Never Walk Alone”), and a newsboy cap/tank top ensemble that Nick immediately made him change. At present time, we are unaware of the offense Schmidt committed to incite such disdain, and so we go back three days, or rather two days before Schmidt’s 29th birthday.

Devastated that his party bus “res” was cancelled in favor of Frankie’s Muniz’s, Schmidt tears up at the prospect of losing his last chance to throw a notorious bash before “the darkness” (turning 3-0). Jess, in all her generosity, convinces Nick and Winston to help her throw him a surprise party. Nick initially declines, warning Jess that she is in over her head. Apparently, Schmidt’s “crowd”  known to abbreviate most words to one syllable (ov is oven, ketch is ketchup) and for oddly titled club promotions such as, “Bros Before Hos On the Moon.” Undeterred, Jess prepares a rager sure to impress her sweet yet insufferable roommate. Probably the most “adorkable” moment (as is required per Zooey Deschanel’s contract I presume) was when Jess calls for Schmidt’s stripper asking for “a woman of preferably Asian descent with big boobs and heart of gold…and a crotch of gold.” She then ends the call with, “Thank you Miss Fat Booty, you’re the best!” Dear God, if that didn’t make you smirk sheepishly you have no friggin’ soul.

Occupying the B-story is Nick’s budding relationship with the also cute yet comedically adequate Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Nick attempts to hide his new boo from the roommates because he interprets her to be high-class: an art history buff and a lawyer. Turns out she finds his buddies awesome, but he still tries to distant himself from what he judges as classless behavior. At first, the “Nick is ashamed” routine felt washed-up, but thanks in large part to Caplan’s execution, this variation still offered the resident straight man a side-plot worthy of Schmidt’s unstoppable laughs in terms of character growth. Julia continuously undermines his efforts to shield her from his more unpretentious side, trying to prove that she is into HIM and not his constrained “upper crest” impression. On the contrary, she most enjoys his horrendous, yet gut-busting Cosby impression (everybody has one) and his distinction as the inventor of the ungodly, alcoholic concoction that is “Bro-Juice.” This theme of caring what other people think persists in Schmidt’s central conflict as well.

Speaking of my man-crush, Schmidt further cemented himself as my favorite new character in comedy. It’s almost as if Fox were kissing up to me by making this first episode back so Schmidt-centric. Well it worked my network minions. You have appeased your Lord! Schmidt is enamored with Jess’s efforts and believes that he just may spark some envious feelings from his former best friend and true douche, Benjamin. Benjamin is clearly one of those old buddies who you knew thought very little of you, but you stayed by his side for the girls, the parties and the connections. Clearly, Schmidt is better than this Hall Of Fame worthy D-bag, but nonetheless his approval matters. Of course, plans go awry when another guest star played by Upright Citizens Brigade co-founder, Matt Besser, shows up as his adult entertainment for the evening. As is customary, Jess’ girlish voice tipped off the good folks at Miss Fat Booty to send out a male stripper. Despite Jess’s demands that he not get naked he insists that he must perform. Therefore, Jess agrees to pay him to showcase his other, less provocative talent: baritone of his gospel choir. Also guest-starring is comedy vet, Rachel Harris, as the vice-prinicpal of Jess’ school who invites herself to Schmidt’s 29th after she catches our heroine stealing from the “Confiscation Station.” What does the seedy, drug hoarding vice-principal bring from her stash? A half-eaten pot cookie.

As Schmidt soaks up every minute of his makeshift celebration, his self-proclaimed “bronemy” or “fremesis,” Benjamin, is not so secretly hating on the whole affair. He disses Schmidt’s party to his face and then asserts he will make a pass at a Jess whether he likes it or not. After Benjamin makes some terribly obvious, actually outright, reference to his penis, Schmidt steps between them to defend his good friend’s honor. And in the biggest twist of the night, who swoops in to pop the Grade A D-bag in the mouth…Julia! Unbeknownst to Nick, Julia harbors a severe anger management issue and is highly trained in martial arts. Horrified and disturbed, but undeniably turned on, Nick kisses Julia as they wait for the police to show. Needless to say the ruckus caused the driver of their school bus turned party-mobile to veer off into a telephone pole. Also reconciling outside the crushed bus are Jess and Schmidt. There’s a sweet, but perhaps too dead-on moment where Schmidt asks Jess directly if he cares too much what people think and Jess bluntly states, “Yeah maybe a bit.” He thanks her for her selflessness and unparalleled generosity. In response, Jess smiles proudly saying, “Anytime.” And it is here where we realize, what constituted Schmidt’s douchiest offense yet. His Bro-Juice influenced synapses misfire and he interprets her gleaming as an invitation AAAAAAND leans in to kiss her. He stops midway, thankfully, Jess leaning back in shock. He immediately claims she had fuzz on her face, but we all know the deal. As we, the viewing public, have all experienced, he was sucked in by her man-boy seduction powers, luring him in to a whirlwind of quirky sexcapades…or you know, something like that.

Complete with an almost flawless ending montage, we’re blessed with a plethora of Schmidt’s past D-bag Jar related crimes, “Story of the 50″ could have made me burst aloud with, dare I say, girlish giggling at any moment. Fortunately, for all of us, I was preoccupied slightly as I had lost something valuable prior to viewing and was wracking my brain during commercial breaks and retracing. Full disclosure, I misplaced the cap to the milk gallon. Funny story, it fell into my six-pack of Dos Equis. True story. Anyway, I share this because had it not been for my traumatic experience I would have been holding my belly in pain often at many of the quotable, and at times, unquotable triumphs of comedy writing. I think I speak for many TV fanatics when I say it is a pleasant surprise to see a network show not on NBC’s Thursday night that is paying attention to what works, making the necessary amendments as the first season airs, and using those details and carefully crafted characters to orchestrate some major payoffs. As long as the payoffs are not cheap, and not elicited through contrived “will-they or wont-they” nonsense as many shows with young, attractive actors are often prone, nay, vulnerable to, then this will be a beautifully ridiculous roll in the hay (I’m not ready for a commitment at this point in my life). For sheer hysterical quantity that can boast quality as well, I shall award the “New Girl” with her first highest grade to begin the semester: an A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines 

This list very well could be as long as my review, but I shall narrow it down to a Few Good Lines.

- “…and a steering wheel in the shape of a boob. You honk the nipple. It’s actually pretty cool.”

- Schmidt’s birthday song! “We built this Schmity! We built this Schmity on tootsie rolls…” Benjamin: “Ha, because he was fat!”

- Nick avoiding questions about his date with Julia: “I’m just…mumble, mumble, mumble.”

- Schmidt on his stripper persona: “Luxury, dessert, I’m a warrior poet, man.”

- Schmidt describing his testicles:

Male stripper- “Are they more or less symmetrical?”   Schmidt- “Size, yes. Location, no.”

Just SOME of Schmidt’s past contributions to the douchebag jar…

“Ooo Jess, I just found a Groupon for hypnosis lessons. Just think about what you could do with that. Sex stuff.”

“Have you seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?”

“Nick! I came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis. Bishop in a turtleneck!”

“Dammit! I cannot find my driving moccasins ANYWHERE!”

Hey, this is Chris Peck, new intern and TV critic, and I will be covering “New Girl” for y’all every week. Since this is not a plot-intensive comedy I feel like we can jump right in with this week’s episode.

When one commits to watching a show week-to-week they do this because there is something or someone that they can’t resist tuning in for. For me, that’s Schmidt (Max Greenfield). At first, I was very wary of the guy who required his own “douchebag jar” to keep him in check. But as the series has progressed, the writers have broken down the facade and exposed a neurotic, cleanliness-obsessed, trend-dependent soul who is quite vulnerable in what used to be an all-male living situation. But as Jess infiltrates the group, Schmidt’s more obnoxious tendencies reveal themselves, and to me it is a lot of fun to see what Schmidt will fixate upon each week.

It would seem odd for a show that was conceived as a Zooey Deschanel vehicle to invest so much comedic material in one of “the other three roommates,” but Greenfield seems up for the challenge. In what would be considered the B-plot, Schmidt faces off against resident straight man, Nick (Jake M. Johnson). The clash begins when the toilet begins to overflow and Nick, a self-proclaimed self-reliant, uses a soda bottle in the wall (I really don’t know how that works) and the plumbing is functional again. For Schmidt, functional is not good enough though. He wants a “fancy fix.” A “fancy fix,” in essence, is to throw money at the problem so that the mechanical issue is permanently and neatly fixed, not abated by a temporary solution.

Nick takes this to heart when Schmidt offers to pay a plumber. He believes he is above Schmidt’s “charity” and they two begin to dig at the class divide they have seemingly ignored before that point. What ensues is a battle royale of one-upsmanship. It begins with Nick refusing to sit on the couch Schmidt bought, Schmidt retaliates by putting all of Nick’s freezer food on his bed because Schmidt bought the freezer. Before they are civil enough to talk it out it culminates with Nick squeezing the couch and freezer into his bedroom since they are his property. The tete a tete may seem callous, but it points to an underlying issue: Nick chose to be a bartender and drop out of law school, so he can not resent others for their success. He may be crafty, with great methods for makeshift mechanical band-aids, but he should not condescend others that hire workers to complete those kinds of menial jobs.

Between the honesty divulged, the ample physical comedy of the moving property, and lines like, “These are the kinds of things that come out when you take another man’s conditioner,” I was fully absorbed in this petty feud, which ended artfully. There was no neat sitcom bow, nobody hugged it out (sorry “Full House”). It ended with a light hearted jab. Nick rags on Schmidt’s cardigan because…well it’s a dude wearing a cardigan, and that’s that. That is how a guy’s relationship can be: full of underlying tension, but they are there for each other when they need to be. Nick reflected with Winston on the roof of their loft about the men they had become in spite of their ambitions, but that was as close to a “You know what I learned something today” moment (a la South Park) as the episode got.

Now the main plot was less of a revelation. Though it tickled my funnybone and I was glad to see Winston (Lamorne Morris) with more to do this week, I didn’t learn all that much about him and they needed a fairly absurd plot to get similar results to the Nick/Schmidt conflict. Jess (Zooey Deschanel) unexpectedly brings a group of four troubled kids to the loft because they have chosen to forego detention to play handbells with Jess, or as they know her, Ms. Day. Not sure why this obscure instrumental group is Jess’ first choice for alternative detention, but it does elicit the most purely hilarious visual gag of the episode, which is Winston’s prowess with the handbells. A visionary from the minute he touches them, he signs on to assist Jess in helping them rehearse for an upcoming concert in the park.

Ultra-competitive perfectionist Winston is then unleashed upon the children and it results in lowered self-esteems, a lingering sense of defeat, and a shotty rendition of “Eye of the Tiger.” Jess is then forced to kick Winston out of the group because he is making “Ensembell” (kind of a groaner, but also awesome) all about him. Granted, he needed the hobby, being unemployed and all, but Winston clearly lost sight of why they were playing handbells at all. It wasn’t about being the best, sinking that shot at the buzzer. It was about applying his talent towards helping the kids achieve their own success, by passing the ball to them in the waning seconds. As mentioned, the two plots converge and a genuine pal-to-pal reflection takes place between Nick and Winston as they collectively call out their bullshit: if they are unhappy with their lot in life it is up to them to change. The success of those around them is not there to be a challenge or source of resentment.

The “New Girl” herself and I have a fluctuating relationship though. Though she was endearing this week as a teacher with a humble mission to give troubled teens something to care about, her jokes mostly echoed, “Look at me I’m adorkable, and I react to everyday life with an undeniably cute zaniness!” Though one line in particular made me laugh out loud, “Did we get robbed by giants,” she didn’t add much for me except a moral compass, which felt too sitcom for this show that is usually so emotionally understated. I suppose the Schmidt/Nick screaming matches killed any subtlety of feeling for this week though. However wishy-washy my feelings for Zooey are (one week she is too sweet for words, the next I want her lovable ass on the street), I was pleasantly surprised by the serial productivity and overall hilarity that stemmed from these two confrontations. In lieu of the gang of misfit hand-bellers being subjected to backdrop and Winston’s one-notedness as a competitor, I cannot justify an A range grade. Although due to my continued fascination with the experiment in metrosexuality that is Schmidt, and a solid execution of parallel squabbles centered around self-sabotage, I will bestow a ringing B upon “Bells.”

This will be the section of the review where I post my favorite lines from the episode.

L.O.L.Ls: 

“Ooo, look, goose pimples. Each one, a memory.”

“[Eye of the Tiger is] so cool it ended the Cold War.”

In reference to Midori Sours: (Screaming) “It is a melon liqueur, an American classic with an Asian influence.”

“You did not make me want to throw up.”

“It’s not my war!”

“I can’t hear you over your cardigan. I just hear…’Cardigan, cardigan, you’re wearing a cardigan.” “You don’t like the cardi-?”

Tony Scott’s new project, titled “Narco Sub,” has been picked up by 20^th Century Fox. The film, which is based on a spec script written by David Guggenheim, will, based on the title, presumably follow something involving narcotics and submarines. Fox has kept any details about the plot of the show low key, leaving a potential audience to only speculate.

This is the first nautical-related thriller Scott will have directed since “Crimson Tide” in 1995, and is amongst a series of other projects he is working on, including a remake of “The Wild Bunch” and a film based on “24”. Other notable works of his include “Deja Vu”, “Top Gun”, and “Enemy of the State”.

One of the stranger come-from-behind stories in television history, Seth MacFarlane’s “Family Guy” went from a failed, three season, “Simpsons-esque” animated sitcom to being a resurrected phenomenon, winning three Emmys, three Daytime Emmys, and being one of the highest rated shows on two major networks simultaneously (Fox and Cartoon Network).

It has also become one of the more contested shows in the last decade, blasted by many critics for containing nothing but referential humor and cheap pop culture cracks and being sued on three separate occasions for copyright infringement. But, love it or hate it, Family Guy sees its tenth season premiere on September 26th, an event that very few series (especially Fox series) get to celebrate.

Blast Magazine attended a pre-screening of season ten’s first episode “Powerball Fever”, along with showings of the “History of the World” season 9 DVD extra and the fan picked episode “Road to the Multiverse”

The “History of the World” feature was a collection of clips from the show’s ten year span, arranged to show existence from the Big Bang, through Biblical times, and onto the founding and Civil War periods of America. Most of the clips are the made up of the many appearance of Jesus Christ and Hitler (two semi-regular guest stars on the show.)

“The Road to the Multiverse” episode from season 9 is one of the show’s many parodies of the Bob Hope/Bing Crosby “Road to…” movies. It consists of Brian and Stewie traveling between different universes, most of which are the Family Guy world taking on the appearance of other animated creations such as Cartoon Network’s Robot Chicken, The Flinstones, and a Disney universe with animation mostly resembling Snow White.

The premier of season ten entitled “Powerball” consists of the Griffin’s winning the lottery and the shenanigans that ensue with their new found wealth. The show’s animation has not changed in the new season (except for an HD remake of the opening titles) and the humor stays with what the show has become famous for. Complete with musical numbers, fart jokes, and the constant reminder that we are not supposed to like Meg.

Family Guy’s model of success seems to be they have found a way to remove all the baggage of writing a sitcom. Instead they opt to use the 22 minutes to make rapid fire one liners put to animation. No one can ever say that they’ve ever lost their heart or integrity, mostly due to the fact that they gave themselves neither from day one. If episode one is any indication, there’s nothing that will change anyone’s mind on how they feel about Family Guy in season 10. Stewie’s gay, Peter’s an idiot, the dog talks, and the world still rotates on an axis. I suppose it’s comforting in a way.

On June 23, Fox announced the fall 2011 schedule for its series and season premieres.

The highly anticipated show from Simon Cowell, “The X Factor” will have a two part premiere on September 21 and 22.

New Directions will return on “Glee” airing on September 20 followed by the new series “New Girl” starring Zooey Deschanel known for her lead role in “500 Days of Summer.”

The sci-fi show “Terra Nova,” which Fox decided to launch without a pilot episode, begins with a two-hour premiere on September 26.

“House” and “Bones” will get late starts premiering on October 3 and November 3 respectively and those awaiting “I Hate My Teenage Daughter” will have to hold on the longest with the series premiering late in November on the 23^rd.

Sept. 10
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT  “COPS” (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “COPS” (Encore Episode)

Sept. 18
8:00-11:00 PM ET/ 5:00-8 PM PT  “63RD PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS” (Live Telecast)

Sept. 20
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “GLEE” (Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “NEW GIRL” (Series Premiere)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “RAISING HOPE” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 21
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “THE X FACTOR” (Series Premiere, Part 1)
Sept. 22
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “THE X FACTOR” (Series Premiere, Part 2)

Sept. 23
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “KITCHEN NIGHTMARES” (Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “FRINGE” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 25
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT “THE SIMPSONS” (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “THE CLEVELAND SHOW” (Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “FAMILY GUY” (Season Premiere)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “AMERICAN DAD” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 26
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “TERRA NOVA” (Series Premiere)

Oct. 3
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT “TERRA NOVA” (All-New Episode) (Time Period Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “HOUSE” (Season Premiere)

Oct. 29
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “AMERICA’S MOST WANTED” (Quarterly Specials Premiere)

Oct. 30
7:30-8:00 PM ET/PT  “THE CLEVELAND SHOW” (Time Period Premiere)
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT  “THE SIMPSONS” (All-New Episode)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “ALLEN GREGORY” (Series Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “FAMILY GUY” (All-New Episode)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “AMERICAN DAD” (All-New Episode)

Nov. 3
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “THE X FACTOR” (All-New Episode)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “BONES” (Season Premiere)

Nov. 23
8:00-9:30 PM ET/PT “THE X FACTOR” (All-New Episode)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT “I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER” (Series Premiere)

Source: Los Angeles Times

The Blast TV Renewal/Cancelation Scorecard has been updated to indicate this

Fox has just renewed “Fringe” for a 22-episode fourth season, despite its recent posting of a series-low 1.3 in the adults 18-49 demo. Fox executive Kevin Reilly had previously said that if “Fringe” averaged 80% of its previous timeslot average (a 1.6) it would be renewed.

The surprise renewal (we had been predicting its cancelation) likely narrows the odds for “Lie to Me” and “The Chicago Code.”

Fox is touting the shows DVR numbers, where it averages a 2.2 in the demo each week with seven days factored in; its calling “Fringe” the number 1 scripted show on Friday, though thats of debate versus “Blue Bloods” and “CSI: NY” with DVR viewing factored in. Most importantly, Fox is up 38% year over year for Friday.

According to Fox, “The Simpsons,” the longest-running comedy program in TV history, will be back next fall for a 23d season that will bring the beloved animated series to at least 500 episodes.

The program premiered in December 1989 and has won 27 Emmy Awards.

“The Simpsons” airs Sundays at 8 p.m.

As expected, “Lone Star” has been cancelled by Fox after two episodes, becoming the first casualty of the fall season. The show debuted to a 1.3 adults 18-49 rating, and sank to a 1.0 in its second episode. Worse, it lost 70% of it’s lead in from “House” last week, it lost 75% this week.

FOX announced this week it has picked up animated series, "The Cleveland Show"  for a  third season, proving that despite its harsh critics the series isn’t going anywhere.  As another Seth McFarlane project for FOX, "The Cleveland Show" is a spin-off to the more popular series, "Family Guy"; taking the Quahog citizen Cleveland Brown to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia where as its theme song explains, "there’s old friends, and new friends, and even a bear".

Yet despite McFarlance’s redundant formula of sassy babies, and talking animals, the series has the network’s approval. But will it be enough to keep viewers coming back for more? It’s a case of wait and see.

"The Cleveland Show" airs Sundays 8:30 p.m. Central on FOX

In a time when most series are on hiatus, FOX’s drama "Lie to Me"  continues its second season with all new episodes this summer.

The crime drama stars Oscar-nominated actor Tim Roth as the gruff and unapologetic Dr. Cal Lightman, and award-nominated actress Kelli Williams ("The Practice") as his savvy partner, Dr. Gillian Foster. Together they lead a team at The Lightman Group, a company whose business is the art of finding truth through "microexpressions." In other words, being able to see when a person is lying or telling the truth based on body language. Inspired by the work of psychologist Dr. Paul Ekman, a man renowned for his studies in human emotions, "Lie to Me" digs not only into the underbelly of political scandal and federal crimes, it shows viewers how to spot lies from different points of view. It’s because of this mixture of deciphering lies mixed with a good share of action that "Lie to Me" remains exciting each week.

You never know what you’re going to see or learn from it. Yet at the same time, it’s not all about the science. The chemistry of its core characters is intriguing, and the ensemble is pitch perfect. Kelli Williams and Tim Roth have a wonderful onscreen rapport, as does the series’ supporting cast: Monica Raymund ("Law & Order: SVU"), Mekhi Phifer ("E.R"), and Brendan Hines ("The Middleman").

Raymund, in particular, shines despite having a few onscreen credits to her name. She holds her own remarkably well with the veteran cast as the character Ria Torres, a woman whose "natural," gifted abilities turn heads at The Lightman Group, making her Cal Lightman’s protege, which is hardly an easy task. It is the mentor relationship she has with Cal Lightman that adds to the show’s drama. Especially when the winter finale consisted of them fighting over information he withheld from her.

Now summer is here, and fans of the series will find themselves exploring Dr.Cal Lightman’s past once again. In this latest episode, titled "Beat the Devil," Jason Dohring ("Veronica Mars," "Moonlight") guest stars as Martin Walker, a grad student who captures Lightman’s attention for all the wrong reasons during a guest lecture, a favor he’s doing for his mentor Helen Dezekis (Rowena King). Convinced Martin is a psychopath, Lightman goes out of his way to prove he’s right, complicating matters with Helen, who as it turns out shares a romantic past with Lightman.

The entire episode is a cat and mouse game of outing Martin. Meanwhile, the secondary plot is far different, as Ria Torres and Eli Loker (Brendan Hines) work on a separate case concerning an unidentified flying object; yes, a UFO. While this episode isn’t exactly the best foot to set off the spring season, it can easily be broken down in highs and lows.

The Highlights

Jason Dohring vs Tim Roth — There was so much potential in this storyline. Dohring played Martin’s psychopatic tendencies with great restraint, leaving chills with a mere wisp of a smile or a cold stare. Roth’s interaction with Dohring was definitely exciting, and their scenes brought a lot of intensity to the screen, making it hard to look away. It also begs the question as to whether we’ll see Martin again. The fact that Martin was able to trick Ria Torres, create doubt in The Lightman Group, and nearly pull one over Cal Lightman, of all people, makes Martin Walker worthy of the title "Best Possible Recurring Villian".

The Many Loves of Cal Lightman — In seasons past, it has been revealed that Cal isn’t the best at handling intimate relationships, and he loves a good gamble. Learning that he had a fling with his mentor definitely sheds light on his issues. For a man who has lectured co-workers on loyalty and boundary lines, this will definitely shift the ongoing relationship he has with long time (possible love interest) Dr. Gillian Foster. It’s good to see their relationship taking a bit of the forefront, but hopefully Lightman’s indiscretions won’t sabotage a good thing.

The Lows

U.F.O. & Conspiracies — The concept isn’t exactly bad, it’s the timing of it all. In one corner we have a psychopath who likes to waterboard his victims, and on the other side we have two highly intelligent members of The Lightman Group chasing a U.F.O. It’s understandable if the darker tone of the main storyline is a downer, but this U.F.O element was out of place. The episode could have been strengthened by having Ria Torres and Eli Loker help validate Lightman, rather than proving conspiracy theories. And when the stories did overlap, like when Ria gets a visit from Martin, the idea of searching for U.F.Os pales in comparison. We as viewers want to examine how all these characters work collectively in high stakes circumstances, like the Martin Walker type cases, because it allows them to be at their best and grow. Previous episodes have done this well, like "Blinded" back in the first season, in which a serial killer forces the whole group to race against time. As recent as the first episode of this season, "The Core of It," Lightman uncovers the truth behind a woman who not only is a witness to a murder, but appears to have multiple personalities. It’s easily one of the best in the series, and if Roth gets nominated for an Emmy or Golden Globe, "The Core of It" will be part of the reason. So considering these previous episodes, "Beat the Devil" for the most part is good, but the series can push its storylines further, to a darker place.

Changing Directions — One of the more surprising, noticeable things about the new episode happened to be the new wardrobe Ria Torres is donning through the halls of the office. Typically, Eli Loker is the character who sports the casual Friday look. But when Ria Torres begins walking around in a jean mini-skirt and a cotton red top, something is wrong. Some will argue it’s just clothes, but it says a lot about her character. It has been established that Ria Torres is not like most people her age; she has a knack for reading ulterior motives and she fights to be taken seriously at times. So why is she suddenly walking around the office in a short skirt and knit top? Monica Raymund is undoubtedly a beautiful actress, but she doesn’t need short skirts to compensate for her talent. It makes Ria appear more like a young co-ed than a professional working for a major company. How will her character be taken seriously if she works a case with government officials and she’s sporting a mini jean skirt? Hopefully this is just temporary, and isn’t a sign of making her "sexy and young" for viewers.

Nevertheless, the series remains strong despite some minor flaws in continuity and plot. The actors continue to bring their best onscreen, and judging by next week’s promo, it looks like the show is going to get back to its signature drama.

"Lie to Me" airs Mondays at 8 pm on FOX this summer and returns in the fall for its third season.

This weekend, FOX Broadcasting will show a short based in the world of Rockstar Games’ open-world adventure game Red Dead Redemption.

Created and directed by John Hillcoat, the man behind The Road and The Proposition, the short is hardly short, as it’s 30 minutes long.

The entire film was created using the in-game world of Red Dead Redemption as a virtual set, borrowing its assets and harnessing its technology to get the job done.

The film debuts on FOX May 29 at midnight and the publisher has provided a 60-second teaser of it today (embedded below).

For those currently playing the game. What do you think of it?

Admit it: You’re a Gleek, too.

After season one of Fox’s smash hit “Glee” conquered the small screen, I was nervous it could be a one-season wonder. If tonight’s episode was any indication of the season to come, then my fellow Gleeks and I will be happily singing along, loving to hate Coach Sylvester and captivated by endless love triangles all season long.

Sue Sylvester, captain of McKinley’s cheerleading squad, the Cheerios, and everyone’s favorite villain is back after a short suspension (Ended by a roofie and some compromising photos of her and the Principle) to make Glee Club director Will Schuster’s life a living hell. As promised in the Season One finale, he is "about to board the Sue Sylvester train, destination: horror!" Her mission: stop Schuester and the Glee Club from taking Regional’s.

The students’ assignment was to perform songs with "Hello" in the title fueled by Mr. Schuester saying hello to a new relationship with ridiculously endearing, wide-eyed Guidance Counselor Emma Pillsbury. But is Will ready for a commitment after his messy break-up last season?

At the beginning of the episode, it would seem that Glee Clubs female star Rachel, the adorable and tremendously talented outcast of McKinley High, had everything she ever wanted — a win at Sectionals, and most importantly she is girlfriend to the object of her teenage affection: the hot star athlete and costar of the Glee Club, Finn.

Sylvester sees this as the perfect opportunity to sabotage the group and has her two hottest, albeit stupidest, cheerleaders try to seduce Finn.

Finn takes the bait and finds his inner ‘rock star’ singing "Hello, I Love You" by the Doors. Rachel retaliates with her version of "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects. Rachel is quickly over Finn when she finds herself at a piano singing "Hello" by Lionel Richie with Jesse Saint James, the super hunky male lead of a competing Vocal Group, Vocal Adrenaline. The members of Glee suspect foul play is afoot which forces Rachel to keep their "love" secret.

Schuesters romance with Emma takes an awkward turn for the worse when he finds out she still has her "V Card" and she starts realizing he’s still not over his ex wife. Schuester confronts the director of Vocal Adrenaline, played by ridiculously talented Broadway star Idina Menzel, about the possibility of Jesse Saint James spying on Glee Club via Rachel. The two of them end up passionately making out on his couch, which then leads to the break up of possibly the cutest TV couple of all time; Emma and Will.

The episode ends with the Glee cast in their full choreographed glory performing "Hello, Goodbye" by the Beatles. So what’s next? Will Rachel realize Jesse’s ulterior motives? Will Will and Emma work it out? Will Sylvester take down Glee? One things for sure, I know what I’ll be watching next Tuesday night. I unabashedly admit it — I am a full-blown Gleek!

In case you missed it, on last evening’s episode of the hugely popular cartoon “Family Guy,” bumbling idiot main character Peter played and got tossed around in, an online bout of Modern Warfare 2.

But there’s more.

Infinity Ward community manager Robert “FourZeroTwo” Bowling makes a cameo appearance in the spot as the guy killing a hopping Peter from downrange on the Brazilian Favela map.

Enough talk. Enjoy the video.

Tonight is the premiere of “American Idol” at 8 p.m. on FOX. It will be the last season featuring Simon Cowell, the stern-judging Brit who brought this level of reality/talent television to America.

A lot of FOX news today — “Glee” gets picked up for a second season. At the same time, the network is launching a nationwide search to find talented cast members for the second season. Visit fox.com/glee for updates.

“Bones” hits the 100 mark on April 8, and “Family Guy” would be somewhere around 300 if it wasn’t canceled. The cartoon hits its 150th episode on May 2. “America’s Most Wanted” hits 1,000 episodes with a special 22nd anniversary episode March 6.

FOX is also working up a buddy cop action/comedy that’s so far called “Code 58,” set to preview on May 12 and 19 and premiere on June 7. Code 58 was created by Matt Nix, who also has “Burn Notice” under his belt, so he knows what he’s doing.

“Breaking Bad” premieres with a third season on March 21 at 10 p.n. Before that, the cable network will air a six-episode marathon March 19.

Finally, yes, it’s official, Sarah Palin signed a multi-year deal with FOX News. She won’t get her own show but rather will support other shows on the network.

Tonight is the season premiere of “What Not To Wear” on TLC at 9 p.m., but it’s the weekend that has us excited.

On Sunday, NBC as the premiere of “Chuck” at 9, so be sure to DVR the HBO season premiere of “Big Love” at the same time. History Channel has premieres of “Ax Men” at 9 also, as well as “Madhouse” at 10. If you are still looking for something, National Geographic Channel has the season premiere of “Border Wars” also at 9.

Sunday is also a big day for FOX with the 450th episode of “The Simpsons” at 8 p.m. followed by the “Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice!” at 8:30.

In less happy, less 3D and maybe not less on ice news, NBC execs have reportedly met with Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien about their abysmal ratings. TMZ suggests NBC might cancel Leno’s 10 p.m. show and return him to “The Tonight Show,” firing O’Brien. NBC has gone on the record saying they support both shows in their current formats, but the network admitted that Leno’s poor ratings are hurting affiliates’ 11 p.m. newscasts.

Finally, CBS announced its midseason schedule. Jerry Bruckheimer’s new drama “Miami Medical” will air Fridays at 10 p.m starting April 2. “Accidentally on Purpose” moves to Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. starting March 31. “Rules of Engagement” begins its fourth season March 1 at 8:30 p.m, and 24 former castmates will return for the 20th edition of “Survivor” called “Heroes vs. Villains.” The two-hour premiere is February 11 at 8 p.m.

FOX announced its lineup for early 2010, which includes the return of “Dollhouse” on January 8 and two “Simpsons” special episodes:

January 8: “Dollhouse” at 9 p.m.
January 10: “The Simpsons” 450th Milestone Episode at 8p.m. and “The Simpsons” 20th Anniversary Special: in 3D! on Ice! at 8:30 p.m.
January 12: “American Idol” Part 1, two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
January 13: “American Idol” Part 2 at 8p; “Our Little Genius” at 9 p.m.
January 17: “Human Target”: (series preview) at 8 p.m.; “24″ Part 1, two-hour premiere at 9-11 p.m.
January 18: “24″ Part 2, two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
January 20: “Human Target”, series premiere at 9 p.m.
January 22: “Dollhouse” (series finale) at 9 p.m.
January 29: “Kitchen Nightmares” at 9 p.m.
February 4: “Fringe” (winter finale) at 9 p.m.
February 11: “Past Life,” two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
March 14: “Sons of Tucson” at 8:30 p.m.

In other news, the series finale of “Monk” is this Friday at 9 p.m.

Today was the day of reckoning for several faltering television shows.

“Dollhouse,” “Hank” and “Brothers” all got the proverbial pink slip. “Dollhouse” through no fault of its own was set in no man’s land Friday night and seemed destined for failure from the start of the second season. “Hank” and “Brothers” never got off the ground.

Elsewhere, The CW will things fresh through at least May with new episodes of “One Tree Hill,” “Gossip Girl” and the new “Life UneXpected” all revolving around each others. “One Tree Hill” premieres with back-to-back episodes at 8 p.m. on January 18, followed by the start of “Life UneXpected” at 9 p.m.

The at-times controversial news anchor Lou Dobbs announced live on the air and unexpectedly that he was resigning from CNN immediately. Dobbs was under contract until the end of 2011, but CNN apparently released him. He was by some measure the voice of the right for CNN, though his views on immigration made him a lightning rod at times.

“Firefly” fans know the pain of the FOX red pen. It’s official. “Dollhouse” has been canceled.

The innovative Joss Whedon drama’s second season was a disaster from the start with a Friday night time slot it had to share with “Stargate Universe” and the fans’ social calendars. DVR couldn’t save it, either.

A few weeks ago, FOX announced it would pull “Dollhouse” during the November sweeps period due to low ratings, and yesterday the rest of the ax came down. FOX will air all 13 episodes of the second season starting on December 4, however.

Are you a die-hard Dollhouse fan? What do you think of this? Share your thoughts below.

Tonight, VH1 premieres two more reality shows: “For the Love of Ray J” at 9 p.m. and “I Want to Work for Diddy” at 10. ABC Family has the season finale of “Greek” at 9 tonight.

There’s a decent amount of news on this Monday. FOX gave a full sixth season order to the animated hit “American Dad” about a CIA agent voiced by Seth MacFarlane, who also created “Family Guy.” The show airs at 9:30 p.m. on Sundays.

Discovery will order a second season of “Swords Life on the Line” about the lives of New England fishermen. Discovery Channel also approved a series called “Airplane Repo” about a team that repossesses jets and helicopters from owners who defaulted on the loans. This will start early next year.

Writer Josh Heald, who has films “Hot Tub Time Machine” and “Mardi Gras” slated for release next year, also has a few TV projects in the works. “Sausagefest,” will be a comedy on NBC about two 20-something best friends with totally different fathers — one of which will be played by Norm Macdonald. The second show will be a FOX comedy called “Sequestered,” about 12 strangers who have to live together during a long jury trial. The show will mainly focus on their time outside the courtroom where they are allowed to talk about anything except the ongoing trial.

World Series big game tonight, so ABC has “Dancing with the Stars,” FOX eventually has “So You Think You Can Dance,” and NBC has the defunct “Trauma,” What a night. Even Bostonians will be watching baseball.

Fittingly enough, Fox is using its NFL coverage this Sunday to help jumpstart the media blitz for James Cameron’s new mega-epic "Avatar."

The film’s new trailer will be shown on the Cowboy Stadium’s enormous four-sided diamond vision screen- the world’s largest video display- just before noon this Sunday. The trailer will also be broadcast live to the audiences watching “Fox NFL Sunday,” the channels NFL pregame show.

Fox is calling the viewing party "the largest live motion picture trailer viewing in history."

"Avatar," which reportedly cost upwards of $200 million to produce, hits theaters December 18th.

“Friday Night Lights” premieres at 9 p.m. tonight on DirecTV’s The 101 Network. So, good luck to the six people that will be watching it tonight.

TBS will launch “Lopez Tonight” with George Lopez on November 9 at 11 p.m. with a star-studded lineup including Ellen DeGeneres, Eva Longoria-Parker and Kobe Bryant on night one and Sandra Bullock, Ray Romano, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Alba, Charlie Sheen, Queen Latifah, Marc Anthony, Ted Danson, Andy Garcia, Larry David, Taylor Lautner, Oscar de la Hoya, Kelly Osbourne, Floyd Mayweather, Eva Mendes, Arsenio Hall and Kathy Griffin for the first few episodes. It will air Monday-Thursday.

Nielsen announced that FOX News rules the cable news primetime waves with MSNBC coming in second place. CNN is down toward the bottom, with “Anderson Cooper 360″ placing forth in the ratings, behind re-runs of “Nancy Grace” and “Countdown.” Not a good sign for CNN.

TNT approved a pilot for the George Clooney-produced drama “Delta Blues” about an eccentric Memphis police officer who doubles as an Elvis impersonator.

The World Series starts tonight. Nothing else of note, except for “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” on ABC. Here in Boston, smart money’s on the Peanut gang.

Blast recently chatted with Michael Wallen, the vice president and creative director of Fox Mobile Studios, about one of their newest mobile series, “Brainstorm.”

The portable Internet series has already logged about 1.7 million viewers for the eight episodes available (with six pieces of viral content used to promote the series with marketing partner Altoids).

Comedy Central’s “Secret Girlfriend,” which began as a mobile series, shares actor Michael Blaiklock wth “Brainstorm,” where he plays Marty Waxer, a copywriter who is defined as “always stuck in a haze between last night’s party and his morning coffee.”

Between Marty’s procrastination and lack of seriousness, and the new marketing genius in the office, named Rock, an advertising conundrum ensues.

BLAST: First, we’d like to get a feel for how you decided to go with a mobile series, and how that benefits the audience. How are mobile series becoming more popular for audiences?

MICHAEL WALLEN: We really wanted to create a series-not just a mobile series-but a great short form series. We really thought of all cross platform ideas, and we did take into consideration stream size, viewing habits, and technical considerations, so that when somebody did view it (as a mobile series), it would be as a pleasant experience. We wanted to up the value of mobile content by delivering an entertaining series on that platform.

BLAST: How was the idea for Brainstorm started?

MW: It started with the idea of how do we get our skin in the game on the brand integration side of the business and create an organic concept that enables this brand integration without being intrusive to the viewer … organic and upfront. Transparent with the integration. So a show about advertising seemed to make a lot of sense and also poke fun of the brand, and tell a story at the same time. How do we fit a brand into a piece of entertainment? (The idea) was certainly influenced by what was happening in the economy, we thought we could make it relevant because (of smaller agencies struggling) it would resonate with viewers and also be a platform for comedy. Maybe some relief if you will.

BLAST: Was it fun to incorporate Altoids as a brand partner?

MW: Yeah, it was great. They were a fantastic partner. They got the jokes, they got the concepts, they recognized that in order to ..they had to play ball and let their brand be the center of some of the jokes. I commend them for doing that. A lot of brands will (say that they will) do that but will start to pull back. Altoids pushed us further, it was a wonderful partnership

BLAST: Were characters such as Marty and Rock inspired by real life office extremes, or solely developed for the purpose of the plot?

MW: Without blowing anyone’s cover, I’ve worked with every single one of those guys at some point in my career. I think the guru, Rock type is prevalent in the advertising field. These ‘everything turns to gold’ ad whizzes are either lucky or leaned on talented people to get where they are. There are millions of examples in every work environment, not just advertising. Advertising is such an interesting environment and breeds so many types of egos. The lead character was kind of your advertising every man. That’s definitely there in the agencies and the Marty character, but i think we try to capture characteristics of employees all over the world, someone everyone can relate to.

BLAST: Was the series influenced by any workplace sitcoms?

MW: Not directly, just that it’s there. There have been a lot of these office sitcoms, so there is a lot to draw on or draw away from. What’s different (is that) we tried to solve a business problem with a brand while also telling a story. Other shows are doing that — 30 Rock with Snapple. It’s just ‘how can you make advertising entertaining and enjoyable at the same time’?

“Brainstorm” is available on various online and mobile destinations, including MySpace, Yahoo! Video, YouTube, Veoh, blip.tv, Break, eBaum’s World, Howcast, Imeem, Metacafe, Sevenload, StupidVideos.com, Viddler, Vimeo, and most mobile phone networks.

Tonights premieres: “SuperNanny” on ABC at 8 and “White Collar” on USA Network at 10.

We are in the age of the “Gleek,” baby. FOX will release the first 13-episodes of the musical drama “Glee” on DVD by the end of the year, Variety reports. “Glee Season One: Road to Sections,” will be available December 29 with a director’s cut of the pilot and lots of special features.

Sebastian Roche will join FOX’s “Fringe” as a bad guy — a solider from another universe who’s part machine.

Lisa Kudrow will jump into a new project. She’s working with Dan Bucatinsky to develop a comedy for Showtimw based on the memior “Why the Long Face?: The Adventures of a Truly Independent Actor,” by Craig Chester. The show, for now called “Rapture,” chronicles the actor’s upbringing as the gay son of a religious household.

Adult Swim approved a pilot for a live action comedy produced by Conan O’Brien’s company. The show, “Eagleheart,” is about a washed up action star who gets a TV show.

Sarah Shahi will top the pilot for “Facing Kate,” for USA Network. She was previously the female lead on NBC’s “Life,” Cynopsis reports.

Finally, “Dollhouse” is not being included in the November sweeps for FOX due to poor ratings for the now struggling show — the latest Joss Whedon show with a rabid fan base that never seems to watch the damn show when it’s on TV.

The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror XX aired this past Sunday on FOX, and if you missed the show, you missed an appearance by Halo protagonist Master Chief.

Jimbo Jones, a bully from the show, dressed in an appropriately-green Master Chief uniform for the annual night of fright.

Take a look, and if you missed the episode, Hulu has it.

Tonight is the finale of “Shark Tank” at 8 p.m. on ABC, as well as “Flipping Out” on Bravo at 10. No premieres tonight. The American League Championship Series continues on FOX tonight, so that will take up all the television-related attention.

Leading up to the new sci-fi drama “V,” ABC is hiring skywriters to draw huge letter V’s in the sky at 26 major landmarks across the US from Friday until the series opens November 3. “V” will have four episodes before a hiatus until early 2010.

FOX recently approved a new comedy called “Rehaab,” from writer/producer Sam Laybourne (“Cougar Town”). The show centers around a man who pretends to need rehab in order to re-connect with a former high school sweetheart who’s now a rock star.

Finally this morning, Samuel L. Jackson has two products in the works for CBS. The first is a comedy about the wife of a congressman who inherits her husband’s seat after he dies suddenly. We wonder if Victoria Kennedy is paying attention to that one. The second is a medical drama about an ER doctor who treats patients in unusual ways. Jackson will executive produce both shows. He is, after all, the highest paid man in Hollywood.