Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and the gang try to dupe their strict, creepy landlord.

A hilarious “New Girl” is no longer equivalent to finding a diamond in the rough. Dare I say, it may be the most dependable new comedy. All the praises I’ve sung in recent weeks still apply. I’ve harmonized about its self-referential humor, or melodized over hitting its stride in respect to laugh-per-minute ratios, and I must preach again to the overworked choir. The writers have not fallen asleep at the wheel, continuing to pit that undeniable “Jess-ence” (trademarking it!) against every dysfunctional roommate and guest star with stellar returns.

This week, we confront the eternal struggle of People inherently suck vs. People are inherently good. Original sin vs. Redemption. The cold open presents this ideological standoff when Nick vies for the same parking space as another gentleman. Both quickly resort to hostile tactics to get what they want. When Nick beckons him to fight, his opposition pulls out a gun. Jess then talks the man down by conceding that Nick was being an idiot and that she was sorry about the altercation. The man then drove off and the powers of optimism prevailed. Unconvinced, Nick does not back down from his stance that people are jerks at their core.

When more appliances start to break down in the loft, Jess insists they ask the janitor to fix them. When the manly trio suggests they don’t because he is frightening, she takes it as a challenge. She enters his basement office armed with a plate of cupcakes. When she tries to appeal to his estranged side she lets it slip that there are four people living in an apartment designed for three. Apparently the gang had prepared for such an event and initiates an operation whereby they empty the contents of Schmidt’s room onto their balcony and he pretends to be a foreigner visiting LA. Landlord dude (played refreshingly off-putting by the hulky Jeff Kober) isn’t buying, but upon inspection he deemed the arrangement acceptable (only if Schmidt’s paints over a disturbing mural he describes as a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony). Jess then attempts to coerce some maintenance work out of him and like putty in her hand he agrees. Nick immediately assumes the landlord, who we learn is named Remy (Jess astutely observes his tattoo that reads, “Hello, my name is Remy”) is only trying to get in her pants.

The standoff that follows is a clash between two stringent believers. In quick flashbacks, we are enlightened about where their divergent perspectives came from in humorously simplistic vignettes. Nick’s memory is of finding a fiver on the sidewalk and feeling elated. Instantaneously, a jogging man pushes him into the brush after snatching it away. Jess’ memory is of a sketchy, grimy man pulling up to her in a white van who asked, “Do you like candy, little girl?” Jess unflinchingly answered, “I sure do.”

Now, I’m sure those of you who are like Nick and I were weary of what would come next. But of course, subverting stereotype, the man replies, “Good, because my nana made way too much!”. The sliding door of the van opens and a wheelchair-ridden Nana hands her a plate of candy. Obviously the world is much more nuanced than the hyperbolic scenarios that played out in their childhoods, but the show, once again, credits its audience with a high degree of intelligence: we know these are intentionally stark representations are going for laughs. Still, it provides us with a bit of context with which to understand why they so strongly defend their outlooks. I’d be down for this brand of characterization in the future where we can laugh at these embellished personifications of their childhood while being enlightened about their motives.

After completing his handiwork, and opening up a little about how he and his ex-wife, “stopped humping,” Jess invites Remy to dinner as a token of gratitude. Winston and Schmidt seem unenthused, still with some lingering fear of the burly man, but Nick insists he’ll stay as watchdog, protecting Jess from the landlord’s libidinous intentions. As the dinner progresses, and Nick and Remy bond over their harsh breakups, Jess begins her victory lap. She suggests that Nick should not sell people short and make it a habit to “dip your toe in the pool of possibilities.” However, she may have spoke too soon; Remy misconstrues their honest evening conversations as a preface for a menage a trois. Unwilling to relinquish or surrender, a battle to outlast ensues where Jess refuses to admit defeat and she plays along with Remy’s fantasy. Like a trooper, she fakes delight in the prospect of an excruciatingly awkward (Nick endures Remy’s callusy caress for far too long as well) threesome, up until Remy requests that Nick kiss her. She then folds and the gang resigns to tolerate any shoddy workmanship thereon.

Schmidt’s B-story reenforces his role as the comedic tour de force of the show, while remaining only slightly detached from the show’s soul. This is acceptable as long as he’s not ancillary to the main thread entirely, which this episode accomplishes. At work, his boss Kim is giving him mixed signals. Winston draws from history, convinced that Schmidt is once again misinterpreting someone’s interaction with him as an appeal for sexual gratification. The micro-montage of such instances was quite amusing particularly his insistence that the delivery man was definitely suggestive when he informed Schmidt he had “a package” for him. The most ingenious turn of this plot, however, was how right he was. Kim’s alluring tone as she requests he “Clean out her hard drive” was overtly sensual, but due to his miscalculations of the past, he refrains. Cece (Jess’ model gal pal that he pines for) advises him to go for it, since asking permission would only be a turn off. Therefore, when Kim alludes to spending the night alone with a bottle of wine, Schmidt conjures up the wherewithal to pounce on her. Unfortunately, when the security catch him in the act they observe incorrectly that he is jumping her and pin him on the ground and cuff him. The coda of this storyline is wonderfully absurd as well.

When Schmidt states his genuine intentions to pursue her romantically she uses her same luscious voice to urge him to dial her in to the Tokyo conference call. Perceiving this as the green light, Schmidt strips down to his skivvies in anticipation, unknowingly putting on a show for a fleet of Japanese businessmen as he pratices his sexy poses.

The thematic cohesion paid great dividends as we learn the dangers of staunch belief systems. Sometimes people do have ill intentions while being mostly kind-hearted and sometimes those who are attracted to us can ask us for favors without an ulterior sexual motive. The sitcom realm is frequently black and white, and “New Girl’s” stabs at meta-commentary continue to please and establish a sophisticated wit that I believe will usher in viewers who were skeptical of the show’s naked premises of a female roommate shaking up the lives of three male roommates.

I was disappointed, however, that Winston was not afforded a shred of a C-story. His two major contributions were as passerby witness to the thwarted threesome and as the discoverer of a damning list of Schmidt’s 2007 New Year’s resolutions (some of which I will post in L.O.L.Ls) and when he is tasked with painting over the mural in Schmidt’s “interplanetary sex dojo,” a description which had me gasping for air I laughed so violently. Winston has not always been neglected, but when he is it reeks of laziness, because they’ve sewn the fabric for future exploration of his post-basketball life and his struggles with readjustment.

The tie-in of assumptions and misinterpretations is presented so strongly though, its mostly forgivable. Nonetheless, I was thrown slightly as to why Jess would persist in indulging Remy’s horndog tendencies just to prove a point. It would only serve to degrade Jess to engage in such a seemingly horrendous act, but I suppose the over-the-top elements speak to how strong Jess and Nick’s convictions are to be right. Also, it served the added function of strengthening the sexual tension by teasing the “pool of possibility” that they might kiss. I’m not the biggest fan of a will they/won’t they scenario for this show, but those two clearly exude the most chemistry so I will keep an open mind, as Jess would recommend.

Those reservations aside, this week churned out another 22 minutes of top-shelf jokes (a surprising number were delivered by Zooey Deschanel as she continues to debunk the myths of her comedic shortcomings), reaffirmed my man crush on Schmidt’s buffoonery, and enhanced Jess and Nick’s likability by offering a background for those who scorned their apparent one-notedness. My outlook for the series’ future reflects that of our incessantly sanguine title character. “New Girl” persists in the face of low, but premature critical expectations, beating the odds with sustainability and a B+.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- When a stranger brandishes his gun, Jess shouts, “Oh my god, it’s like the Wire!”

- “I like your bucket of…gasoline. Super practical.”

- “I’ve got a fun exercise. I’d like every one to take a moment and think back to a time when you did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.”

- “You look like you should be distracting James Bond at a baccarat table.”

Some of Schmidt’s more notable New Year’s resolutions from 2007:

1. Find the cocoon that will release your inner butterfly

2. Find out where Winston gets his sparkle and steal it

3. Start floating idea people call me Mr. Finish/Gametime Jones/The Hookup-erator

4. Just pick a color of Crocs and buy them already!

- Remy, the landlord, finding common ground with Nick:

“Did you go out looking for companionship, a little human warmth, and when you came to you were in the woods, covered in animal blood?”

“In my own way.”

- Nick to Jess: I think you could do a lot worse than Remy. He’s got strong arms.”

- “Great choice, Remy. Nick will make a fantastic underpants captain!”

Julia (Lizzy Caplan) reluctantly represents the cutesy Jessica Day (Zooey Deschanel)

A show’s longevity can often be a testament to the respect for the fan base. Writers with their ear to the ground earn the privilege of long careers for being flexible, maintaining the ebb and flow between art and viewer. Nowadays, audience feedback has exponentially increased with the advent of blogs and message boards. Opinions don’t go unexpressed by the internet generation. Trends are cooked up in mere minutes and memes become notorious within just a few clicks.

So it should come as no shock that the folks at “New Girl” are privy to the cyber-rage being leveled at their leading lady. To be frank, Zooey Deschanel has done nothing to directly warrant the diss-heavy rhetoric of these incensed commentators, but the persona she embodies ruffles some feathers. She’s the eternal optimist. She’s the girl who bakes cookies and cupcakes “just ’cause.” As she confesses in tonight’s episode, “she’s probably touched glitter in the last 24 hours.” It’s sickening just how cheerful she can be and that provokes intense hatred among cynics and pragmatists the world over.

Tonight, creator Elizabeth Meriwether and writer Luvh Rahke fired back. Meta-commentary, or the act of referencing a show’s flaws/quirks/distinct qualities within the show itself, has become an integral evolution of the sitcom, especially with the new advent of the the single-camera comedy. When you can poke fun at yourself, you earn not only the respect of your detractors, but you embolden your apologists. Lizzy Caplan, introduced last week as Nick’s “we don’t like labels, but we have sex” partner, Julia, served as the mouthpiece for those disgusted by Jess’ sunny disposition. Eager to have another female in the apartment, Jess tries to befriend Julia. She asks the competent lawyer for her counsel in appealing a traffic violation. When they sit down to discuss the parameters of the incident, Julia draws first blood.

Jess recalls the incident, stating that the violation occurred when she stopped in the middle of the road to rescue an injured bird. In disbelief, Julia remarks to Jess that her “whole thing” might just help in court. Here’s a Girl-speak refresher course for you: “whole thing” is code for a defect in another’s girl personality, potentially a front for a more preferable personality type. She also adds that the big eyes resemble a “scared baby.” In laymen’s terms she passive-agressively told Jess, she thinks she’s weird. To combat her guilt, after she read Jess’ pained expression, Julia then confides in her, asking if she can share about Nick’s activity with other girls. When Jess takes the high road, deciding to not violate her trust with Nick, it begins a tale as old as time. The Girly Girl vs. The Smart Girl. Ring the bell.

Now, I too have been critical of Jess, but I never directed that frustration at Ms. Deschanel. Her charm, and magnetic screen presence should make other envious, and her sense of humor is unique and she owns it. My problem is as written she often acts so naive, she should be dead. But as this episode suggests, I believe her behavior is a lifestyle, a decision to embrace the loveliness in the mundane, to elevate the pretty to a level of equal importance with the substantial. This can be an interesting route to go comedically, because you can play with how her world affects her perception, and how she reconciles the inevitable conflicts that call her idealism into question.

Along with these ambitious efforts, there was also some silliness spread amongst out male trio. Nick was essentially entangled in the Jess/Julia standoff, but he had the privilege of backing off and letting it play out. However, he encountered some struggles of his own when Jess in a moment of atypical spite, deliberately told Nick that Julia inquired about his recent sexual activities. When he confronts Julia, they both try to maintain leverage, each one-upping the other’s claims of copious amounts of sex. By episode’s end, both have conceded they wish to be exclusive, dissolving their facades. Nick delivered many of his patented “trying too hard” non sequiturs, but he drew the most fervor from Schmidt when he admitted to using his towel unintentionally. Though he doesn’t understand the outrage. “Oh come on, I don’t wash towels, the towel washes me!” “You guys don’t share underpants either? That’s what roommates do!”

Schmidt, still my vote for new comedy MVP, launched a crusade on dampness. His theory is that with more girls in the apartment, his towel has gotten damper, and his fortress of cleanliness had been disturbed. At first, I was weary of this plot. I love me some Schmidt getting flustered, but I didn’t want this minute conflict to diminish the progress made two weeks ago where Schmidt opened up about what he really wants. Alas, my faith was rewarded, and we get a stellar scene where Schmidt in attempting to traverse the living area, sans towel, slips, exposing himself: his junk and his true feelings. In a fit of consternation, Schmidt voices his unmet expectations about living with Jess. He thought he would be having way more sex! Ha! Oh, New Girl, just when I thought Schmidt was going to level with us again, he rips a page out of Douchebag 101. I think the balance between these neurotic, douchey, and more vulnerable characteristics are superb, and should be all means be encouraged in the weeks to come.

Even Winston, gets a spotlight. I still feel as though we know far too little of who Winston is outside of a man without a country. That country used to be Latvia, where he was a humongous star with several endorsements. But now, not only is he jobless, but he must confront his insecurities. Without the glamour of his pro ball career, he has no game with the ladies. In an attempt to relive his glory days, he calls up Shelby, former booty call. In a bit of comic genius, it’s slowly revealed to us that Winston has broken all the cardinal rules of dating. First, he met up with her at HER OWN RESTAURANT, he made her get her own drink (water), and he talked about himself the whole time. Mad rusty. Shutting out any advice from Schmidt, Jess serves him some humble pie. She demands he listen to her, that he swallow his pride and realize he has no game, and admit that he was an idiot for using her before. The apprentice then shines by insisting Shelby tell him all that he has missed, and he fully claims responsibility for being a jerk in the past. The humility angle works and he scores a second date. His victory dance is so disturbing (and hilarious)that it almost alarmed her to point where she thought he might be having a seizure, but baby steps. That goes for the series too. It’s proceeding cautiously with Winston, unsure of what his identity can be apart from how he relates to his buddies and who he once was, but by humbling him, they have opened the door for post-Latvia Winston.

So who come out victorious in the showdown of frills vs. wit? Surprisingly, the winner wore a ribbon hat. Reluctantly fulfilling her obligation, Julia showed up to represent Jess, but it was during the post-trial recess where Jess began her defense. Once Julia made a smarmy remark about her “bird defense” Jess pulled no punches. Self-assured, she takes pride in her propensity for cuteness, but strikes the final blow, announcing that she hates what her pantsuit represets, Julia’s feelings of superiority. She can be just as smart, and tough and strong. If Meriwether backs up Jess’ swagger in the episodes to come, then I believe we can look forward to a whole new reservoir for material.

The only worry moving forward might be that they won’t find a better anti-Jess than Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Of course she is Nick’s squeeze for now, but when they inevitably break up (Nick’s nowhere near secure enough in himself to have a big boy relationship) we’ll lose the springboard for many great contentions. Even when they resolve their tensions in the end, and Jess invites her to crochet, Julia becomes incensed about her imprecision with the craft. Jess’ response: “If you are making a hat for a baby, you are done!” Where else can you find that kind of chemsitry? Let’s hope the well doesn’t go dry any time soon, because top-form New Girl is a thing of equal parts beauty and whimsy. For showcasing all the roommates, approaching the ambition task of meta-humor with grace and executing with tremendous payoff for Jess the character, and maintaining a level of pound-for-pound, joke-for-joke excellence, the fresh and ever-evolving “New Girl” has nearly established itself as a prizefighter in comedy circles with the back-to-back A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “He doesn’t believe in mail, which has to do with his views on government spending.”

- “I’m gonna smack that lawyer learning right out of her mouth.”

- “I’ll be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room, where nothing gets wet.”

- “Did you just hear the words ‘lesbian community’ and come rushing out of your room?”

- “I’m like a mailman. Except instead of mail, it’s hot sex I deliver.”    Wow, two mail jokes!

- ” If I acted like you at work, my students would turn in weird, really dark dioramas.”

- “I’m about to pay this $500 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch.”

- “As a lesbian gynecologist, perhaps we should sit down and talk about our OSI….oh, our shared interests.”

Jess (right) surprises Schmidt with his very own party bus (a revamped school bus).

I’m not gonna lie to you folks. I believe this…whatever you call what we have is…something special. It would be wrong of me to withhold in any way. So, I’m just gonna come out with it. This was my favorite episode of New Girl to date. Before I started covering the show for Blast I gave a prior episode a B+. The episode was “Wedding” and it was my first indication that this show could exceed expectations if they continued to strengthen the guy roommates while keeping the Deschanel charm to controlled bursts of frenzy as opposed to borderline psychotic episodes. The show has been fairly consistent since, but never truly stellar in the joke department. To be fair, this new brand of sitcom is not like the old-school and yet still celebrated method of setup and punchline. “New Girl” employs a mixture of those character-based jokes and wordplay that when done well can be an exercise in daring comedy, and when done poorly can be just plain awkward and frankly self-indulgent. Tonight’s fare was cooked well-done.

Loaded with jokes from beginning to end, my pen couldn’t keep up with its cleverness. At first, I wondered if it was almost narcissistic, calling to much attention to itself, but eventually I got lost in the banter. I was lulled into a state of numb smiles that I hadn’t felt since “Gilmore Girls” was in its prime, dropping pop-culture reference bombs. “Girls” never sacrificed who those delightfully witty Connecticut folk were while making smart comedy cool. Now, the humor on “New Girl” might be a smidgeon more sophomoric than that of the mother-daughter laugh riot, but tonight’s episode equaled its predecessor in Speedy Gonzalez-like joke delivery.

Our story begins at the chronological conclusion. Schmidt is prompted by Jess, Nick and Winston to stuff a fifty in the fabled “Douchebag Jar.” This gem of a prop was employed in the pilot and was for some the catalyst to their early fandom. The jar’s rules are lax to say the least, but the general principle remains that if Schmidt does something totally “douchey” as deemed by his fellow roommates he must pay a fine, the amount of which is determined by the offended party. Some prior examples of douchebaggery include his shipment of “customized customs,” his ignorance as to what 90′s rap group, N.W.A, stood for (he thought it was “Never Walk Alone”), and a newsboy cap/tank top ensemble that Nick immediately made him change. At present time, we are unaware of the offense Schmidt committed to incite such disdain, and so we go back three days, or rather two days before Schmidt’s 29th birthday.

Devastated that his party bus “res” was cancelled in favor of Frankie’s Muniz’s, Schmidt tears up at the prospect of losing his last chance to throw a notorious bash before “the darkness” (turning 3-0). Jess, in all her generosity, convinces Nick and Winston to help her throw him a surprise party. Nick initially declines, warning Jess that she is in over her head. Apparently, Schmidt’s “crowd”  known to abbreviate most words to one syllable (ov is oven, ketch is ketchup) and for oddly titled club promotions such as, “Bros Before Hos On the Moon.” Undeterred, Jess prepares a rager sure to impress her sweet yet insufferable roommate. Probably the most “adorkable” moment (as is required per Zooey Deschanel’s contract I presume) was when Jess calls for Schmidt’s stripper asking for “a woman of preferably Asian descent with big boobs and heart of gold…and a crotch of gold.” She then ends the call with, “Thank you Miss Fat Booty, you’re the best!” Dear God, if that didn’t make you smirk sheepishly you have no friggin’ soul.

Occupying the B-story is Nick’s budding relationship with the also cute yet comedically adequate Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Nick attempts to hide his new boo from the roommates because he interprets her to be high-class: an art history buff and a lawyer. Turns out she finds his buddies awesome, but he still tries to distant himself from what he judges as classless behavior. At first, the “Nick is ashamed” routine felt washed-up, but thanks in large part to Caplan’s execution, this variation still offered the resident straight man a side-plot worthy of Schmidt’s unstoppable laughs in terms of character growth. Julia continuously undermines his efforts to shield her from his more unpretentious side, trying to prove that she is into HIM and not his constrained “upper crest” impression. On the contrary, she most enjoys his horrendous, yet gut-busting Cosby impression (everybody has one) and his distinction as the inventor of the ungodly, alcoholic concoction that is “Bro-Juice.” This theme of caring what other people think persists in Schmidt’s central conflict as well.

Speaking of my man-crush, Schmidt further cemented himself as my favorite new character in comedy. It’s almost as if Fox were kissing up to me by making this first episode back so Schmidt-centric. Well it worked my network minions. You have appeased your Lord! Schmidt is enamored with Jess’s efforts and believes that he just may spark some envious feelings from his former best friend and true douche, Benjamin. Benjamin is clearly one of those old buddies who you knew thought very little of you, but you stayed by his side for the girls, the parties and the connections. Clearly, Schmidt is better than this Hall Of Fame worthy D-bag, but nonetheless his approval matters. Of course, plans go awry when another guest star played by Upright Citizens Brigade co-founder, Matt Besser, shows up as his adult entertainment for the evening. As is customary, Jess’ girlish voice tipped off the good folks at Miss Fat Booty to send out a male stripper. Despite Jess’s demands that he not get naked he insists that he must perform. Therefore, Jess agrees to pay him to showcase his other, less provocative talent: baritone of his gospel choir. Also guest-starring is comedy vet, Rachel Harris, as the vice-prinicpal of Jess’ school who invites herself to Schmidt’s 29th after she catches our heroine stealing from the “Confiscation Station.” What does the seedy, drug hoarding vice-principal bring from her stash? A half-eaten pot cookie.

As Schmidt soaks up every minute of his makeshift celebration, his self-proclaimed “bronemy” or “fremesis,” Benjamin, is not so secretly hating on the whole affair. He disses Schmidt’s party to his face and then asserts he will make a pass at a Jess whether he likes it or not. After Benjamin makes some terribly obvious, actually outright, reference to his penis, Schmidt steps between them to defend his good friend’s honor. And in the biggest twist of the night, who swoops in to pop the Grade A D-bag in the mouth…Julia! Unbeknownst to Nick, Julia harbors a severe anger management issue and is highly trained in martial arts. Horrified and disturbed, but undeniably turned on, Nick kisses Julia as they wait for the police to show. Needless to say the ruckus caused the driver of their school bus turned party-mobile to veer off into a telephone pole. Also reconciling outside the crushed bus are Jess and Schmidt. There’s a sweet, but perhaps too dead-on moment where Schmidt asks Jess directly if he cares too much what people think and Jess bluntly states, “Yeah maybe a bit.” He thanks her for her selflessness and unparalleled generosity. In response, Jess smiles proudly saying, “Anytime.” And it is here where we realize, what constituted Schmidt’s douchiest offense yet. His Bro-Juice influenced synapses misfire and he interprets her gleaming as an invitation AAAAAAND leans in to kiss her. He stops midway, thankfully, Jess leaning back in shock. He immediately claims she had fuzz on her face, but we all know the deal. As we, the viewing public, have all experienced, he was sucked in by her man-boy seduction powers, luring him in to a whirlwind of quirky sexcapades…or you know, something like that.

Complete with an almost flawless ending montage, we’re blessed with a plethora of Schmidt’s past D-bag Jar related crimes, “Story of the 50″ could have made me burst aloud with, dare I say, girlish giggling at any moment. Fortunately, for all of us, I was preoccupied slightly as I had lost something valuable prior to viewing and was wracking my brain during commercial breaks and retracing. Full disclosure, I misplaced the cap to the milk gallon. Funny story, it fell into my six-pack of Dos Equis. True story. Anyway, I share this because had it not been for my traumatic experience I would have been holding my belly in pain often at many of the quotable, and at times, unquotable triumphs of comedy writing. I think I speak for many TV fanatics when I say it is a pleasant surprise to see a network show not on NBC’s Thursday night that is paying attention to what works, making the necessary amendments as the first season airs, and using those details and carefully crafted characters to orchestrate some major payoffs. As long as the payoffs are not cheap, and not elicited through contrived “will-they or wont-they” nonsense as many shows with young, attractive actors are often prone, nay, vulnerable to, then this will be a beautifully ridiculous roll in the hay (I’m not ready for a commitment at this point in my life). For sheer hysterical quantity that can boast quality as well, I shall award the “New Girl” with her first highest grade to begin the semester: an A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines 

This list very well could be as long as my review, but I shall narrow it down to a Few Good Lines.

- “…and a steering wheel in the shape of a boob. You honk the nipple. It’s actually pretty cool.”

- Schmidt’s birthday song! “We built this Schmity! We built this Schmity on tootsie rolls…” Benjamin: “Ha, because he was fat!”

- Nick avoiding questions about his date with Julia: “I’m just…mumble, mumble, mumble.”

- Schmidt on his stripper persona: “Luxury, dessert, I’m a warrior poet, man.”

- Schmidt describing his testicles:

Male stripper- “Are they more or less symmetrical?”   Schmidt- “Size, yes. Location, no.”

Just SOME of Schmidt’s past contributions to the douchebag jar…

“Ooo Jess, I just found a Groupon for hypnosis lessons. Just think about what you could do with that. Sex stuff.”

“Have you seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?”

“Nick! I came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis. Bishop in a turtleneck!”

“Dammit! I cannot find my driving moccasins ANYWHERE!”

Hey, this is Chris Peck, new intern and TV critic, and I will be covering “New Girl” for y’all every week. Since this is not a plot-intensive comedy I feel like we can jump right in with this week’s episode.

When one commits to watching a show week-to-week they do this because there is something or someone that they can’t resist tuning in for. For me, that’s Schmidt (Max Greenfield). At first, I was very wary of the guy who required his own “douchebag jar” to keep him in check. But as the series has progressed, the writers have broken down the facade and exposed a neurotic, cleanliness-obsessed, trend-dependent soul who is quite vulnerable in what used to be an all-male living situation. But as Jess infiltrates the group, Schmidt’s more obnoxious tendencies reveal themselves, and to me it is a lot of fun to see what Schmidt will fixate upon each week.

It would seem odd for a show that was conceived as a Zooey Deschanel vehicle to invest so much comedic material in one of “the other three roommates,” but Greenfield seems up for the challenge. In what would be considered the B-plot, Schmidt faces off against resident straight man, Nick (Jake M. Johnson). The clash begins when the toilet begins to overflow and Nick, a self-proclaimed self-reliant, uses a soda bottle in the wall (I really don’t know how that works) and the plumbing is functional again. For Schmidt, functional is not good enough though. He wants a “fancy fix.” A “fancy fix,” in essence, is to throw money at the problem so that the mechanical issue is permanently and neatly fixed, not abated by a temporary solution.

Nick takes this to heart when Schmidt offers to pay a plumber. He believes he is above Schmidt’s “charity” and they two begin to dig at the class divide they have seemingly ignored before that point. What ensues is a battle royale of one-upsmanship. It begins with Nick refusing to sit on the couch Schmidt bought, Schmidt retaliates by putting all of Nick’s freezer food on his bed because Schmidt bought the freezer. Before they are civil enough to talk it out it culminates with Nick squeezing the couch and freezer into his bedroom since they are his property. The tete a tete may seem callous, but it points to an underlying issue: Nick chose to be a bartender and drop out of law school, so he can not resent others for their success. He may be crafty, with great methods for makeshift mechanical band-aids, but he should not condescend others that hire workers to complete those kinds of menial jobs.

Between the honesty divulged, the ample physical comedy of the moving property, and lines like, “These are the kinds of things that come out when you take another man’s conditioner,” I was fully absorbed in this petty feud, which ended artfully. There was no neat sitcom bow, nobody hugged it out (sorry “Full House”). It ended with a light hearted jab. Nick rags on Schmidt’s cardigan because…well it’s a dude wearing a cardigan, and that’s that. That is how a guy’s relationship can be: full of underlying tension, but they are there for each other when they need to be. Nick reflected with Winston on the roof of their loft about the men they had become in spite of their ambitions, but that was as close to a “You know what I learned something today” moment (a la South Park) as the episode got.

Now the main plot was less of a revelation. Though it tickled my funnybone and I was glad to see Winston (Lamorne Morris) with more to do this week, I didn’t learn all that much about him and they needed a fairly absurd plot to get similar results to the Nick/Schmidt conflict. Jess (Zooey Deschanel) unexpectedly brings a group of four troubled kids to the loft because they have chosen to forego detention to play handbells with Jess, or as they know her, Ms. Day. Not sure why this obscure instrumental group is Jess’ first choice for alternative detention, but it does elicit the most purely hilarious visual gag of the episode, which is Winston’s prowess with the handbells. A visionary from the minute he touches them, he signs on to assist Jess in helping them rehearse for an upcoming concert in the park.

Ultra-competitive perfectionist Winston is then unleashed upon the children and it results in lowered self-esteems, a lingering sense of defeat, and a shotty rendition of “Eye of the Tiger.” Jess is then forced to kick Winston out of the group because he is making “Ensembell” (kind of a groaner, but also awesome) all about him. Granted, he needed the hobby, being unemployed and all, but Winston clearly lost sight of why they were playing handbells at all. It wasn’t about being the best, sinking that shot at the buzzer. It was about applying his talent towards helping the kids achieve their own success, by passing the ball to them in the waning seconds. As mentioned, the two plots converge and a genuine pal-to-pal reflection takes place between Nick and Winston as they collectively call out their bullshit: if they are unhappy with their lot in life it is up to them to change. The success of those around them is not there to be a challenge or source of resentment.

The “New Girl” herself and I have a fluctuating relationship though. Though she was endearing this week as a teacher with a humble mission to give troubled teens something to care about, her jokes mostly echoed, “Look at me I’m adorkable, and I react to everyday life with an undeniably cute zaniness!” Though one line in particular made me laugh out loud, “Did we get robbed by giants,” she didn’t add much for me except a moral compass, which felt too sitcom for this show that is usually so emotionally understated. I suppose the Schmidt/Nick screaming matches killed any subtlety of feeling for this week though. However wishy-washy my feelings for Zooey are (one week she is too sweet for words, the next I want her lovable ass on the street), I was pleasantly surprised by the serial productivity and overall hilarity that stemmed from these two confrontations. In lieu of the gang of misfit hand-bellers being subjected to backdrop and Winston’s one-notedness as a competitor, I cannot justify an A range grade. Although due to my continued fascination with the experiment in metrosexuality that is Schmidt, and a solid execution of parallel squabbles centered around self-sabotage, I will bestow a ringing B upon “Bells.”

This will be the section of the review where I post my favorite lines from the episode.

L.O.L.Ls: 

“Ooo, look, goose pimples. Each one, a memory.”

“[Eye of the Tiger is] so cool it ended the Cold War.”

In reference to Midori Sours: (Screaming) “It is a melon liqueur, an American classic with an Asian influence.”

“You did not make me want to throw up.”

“It’s not my war!”

“I can’t hear you over your cardigan. I just hear…’Cardigan, cardigan, you’re wearing a cardigan.” “You don’t like the cardi-?”

Tony Scott’s new project, titled “Narco Sub,” has been picked up by 20^th Century Fox. The film, which is based on a spec script written by David Guggenheim, will, based on the title, presumably follow something involving narcotics and submarines. Fox has kept any details about the plot of the show low key, leaving a potential audience to only speculate.

This is the first nautical-related thriller Scott will have directed since “Crimson Tide” in 1995, and is amongst a series of other projects he is working on, including a remake of “The Wild Bunch” and a film based on “24”. Other notable works of his include “Deja Vu”, “Top Gun”, and “Enemy of the State”.

One of the stranger come-from-behind stories in television history, Seth MacFarlane’s “Family Guy” went from a failed, three season, “Simpsons-esque” animated sitcom to being a resurrected phenomenon, winning three Emmys, three Daytime Emmys, and being one of the highest rated shows on two major networks simultaneously (Fox and Cartoon Network).

It has also become one of the more contested shows in the last decade, blasted by many critics for containing nothing but referential humor and cheap pop culture cracks and being sued on three separate occasions for copyright infringement. But, love it or hate it, Family Guy sees its tenth season premiere on September 26th, an event that very few series (especially Fox series) get to celebrate.

Blast Magazine attended a pre-screening of season ten’s first episode “Powerball Fever”, along with showings of the “History of the World” season 9 DVD extra and the fan picked episode “Road to the Multiverse”

The “History of the World” feature was a collection of clips from the show’s ten year span, arranged to show existence from the Big Bang, through Biblical times, and onto the founding and Civil War periods of America. Most of the clips are the made up of the many appearance of Jesus Christ and Hitler (two semi-regular guest stars on the show.)

“The Road to the Multiverse” episode from season 9 is one of the show’s many parodies of the Bob Hope/Bing Crosby “Road to…” movies. It consists of Brian and Stewie traveling between different universes, most of which are the Family Guy world taking on the appearance of other animated creations such as Cartoon Network’s Robot Chicken, The Flinstones, and a Disney universe with animation mostly resembling Snow White.

The premier of season ten entitled “Powerball” consists of the Griffin’s winning the lottery and the shenanigans that ensue with their new found wealth. The show’s animation has not changed in the new season (except for an HD remake of the opening titles) and the humor stays with what the show has become famous for. Complete with musical numbers, fart jokes, and the constant reminder that we are not supposed to like Meg.

Family Guy’s model of success seems to be they have found a way to remove all the baggage of writing a sitcom. Instead they opt to use the 22 minutes to make rapid fire one liners put to animation. No one can ever say that they’ve ever lost their heart or integrity, mostly due to the fact that they gave themselves neither from day one. If episode one is any indication, there’s nothing that will change anyone’s mind on how they feel about Family Guy in season 10. Stewie’s gay, Peter’s an idiot, the dog talks, and the world still rotates on an axis. I suppose it’s comforting in a way.

On June 23, Fox announced the fall 2011 schedule for its series and season premieres.

The highly anticipated show from Simon Cowell, “The X Factor” will have a two part premiere on September 21 and 22.

New Directions will return on “Glee” airing on September 20 followed by the new series “New Girl” starring Zooey Deschanel known for her lead role in “500 Days of Summer.”

The sci-fi show “Terra Nova,” which Fox decided to launch without a pilot episode, begins with a two-hour premiere on September 26.

“House” and “Bones” will get late starts premiering on October 3 and November 3 respectively and those awaiting “I Hate My Teenage Daughter” will have to hold on the longest with the series premiering late in November on the 23^rd.

Sept. 10
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT  “COPS” (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “COPS” (Encore Episode)

Sept. 18
8:00-11:00 PM ET/ 5:00-8 PM PT  “63RD PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS” (Live Telecast)

Sept. 20
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “GLEE” (Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “NEW GIRL” (Series Premiere)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “RAISING HOPE” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 21
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “THE X FACTOR” (Series Premiere, Part 1)
Sept. 22
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “THE X FACTOR” (Series Premiere, Part 2)

Sept. 23
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “KITCHEN NIGHTMARES” (Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “FRINGE” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 25
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT “THE SIMPSONS” (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “THE CLEVELAND SHOW” (Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “FAMILY GUY” (Season Premiere)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “AMERICAN DAD” (Season Premiere)

Sept. 26
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “TERRA NOVA” (Series Premiere)

Oct. 3
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT “TERRA NOVA” (All-New Episode) (Time Period Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “HOUSE” (Season Premiere)

Oct. 29
8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT “AMERICA’S MOST WANTED” (Quarterly Specials Premiere)

Oct. 30
7:30-8:00 PM ET/PT  “THE CLEVELAND SHOW” (Time Period Premiere)
8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT  “THE SIMPSONS” (All-New Episode)
8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT  “ALLEN GREGORY” (Series Premiere)
9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT  “FAMILY GUY” (All-New Episode)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT  “AMERICAN DAD” (All-New Episode)

Nov. 3
8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT  “THE X FACTOR” (All-New Episode)
9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT  “BONES” (Season Premiere)

Nov. 23
8:00-9:30 PM ET/PT “THE X FACTOR” (All-New Episode)
9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT “I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER” (Series Premiere)

Source: Los Angeles Times

The Blast TV Renewal/Cancelation Scorecard has been updated to indicate this

Fox has just renewed “Fringe” for a 22-episode fourth season, despite its recent posting of a series-low 1.3 in the adults 18-49 demo. Fox executive Kevin Reilly had previously said that if “Fringe” averaged 80% of its previous timeslot average (a 1.6) it would be renewed.

The surprise renewal (we had been predicting its cancelation) likely narrows the odds for “Lie to Me” and “The Chicago Code.”

Fox is touting the shows DVR numbers, where it averages a 2.2 in the demo each week with seven days factored in; its calling “Fringe” the number 1 scripted show on Friday, though thats of debate versus “Blue Bloods” and “CSI: NY” with DVR viewing factored in. Most importantly, Fox is up 38% year over year for Friday.

According to Fox, “The Simpsons,” the longest-running comedy program in TV history, will be back next fall for a 23d season that will bring the beloved animated series to at least 500 episodes.

The program premiered in December 1989 and has won 27 Emmy Awards.

“The Simpsons” airs Sundays at 8 p.m.

As expected, “Lone Star” has been cancelled by Fox after two episodes, becoming the first casualty of the fall season. The show debuted to a 1.3 adults 18-49 rating, and sank to a 1.0 in its second episode. Worse, it lost 70% of it’s lead in from “House” last week, it lost 75% this week.

FOX announced this week it has picked up animated series, "The Cleveland Show"  for a  third season, proving that despite its harsh critics the series isn’t going anywhere.  As another Seth McFarlane project for FOX, "The Cleveland Show" is a spin-off to the more popular series, "Family Guy"; taking the Quahog citizen Cleveland Brown to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia where as its theme song explains, "there’s old friends, and new friends, and even a bear".

Yet despite McFarlance’s redundant formula of sassy babies, and talking animals, the series has the network’s approval. But will it be enough to keep viewers coming back for more? It’s a case of wait and see.

"The Cleveland Show" airs Sundays 8:30 p.m. Central on FOX

In a time when most series are on hiatus, FOX’s drama "Lie to Me"  continues its second season with all new episodes this summer.

The crime drama stars Oscar-nominated actor Tim Roth as the gruff and unapologetic Dr. Cal Lightman, and award-nominated actress Kelli Williams ("The Practice") as his savvy partner, Dr. Gillian Foster. Together they lead a team at The Lightman Group, a company whose business is the art of finding truth through "microexpressions." In other words, being able to see when a person is lying or telling the truth based on body language. Inspired by the work of psychologist Dr. Paul Ekman, a man renowned for his studies in human emotions, "Lie to Me" digs not only into the underbelly of political scandal and federal crimes, it shows viewers how to spot lies from different points of view. It’s because of this mixture of deciphering lies mixed with a good share of action that "Lie to Me" remains exciting each week.

You never know what you’re going to see or learn from it. Yet at the same time, it’s not all about the science. The chemistry of its core characters is intriguing, and the ensemble is pitch perfect. Kelli Williams and Tim Roth have a wonderful onscreen rapport, as does the series’ supporting cast: Monica Raymund ("Law & Order: SVU"), Mekhi Phifer ("E.R"), and Brendan Hines ("The Middleman").

Raymund, in particular, shines despite having a few onscreen credits to her name. She holds her own remarkably well with the veteran cast as the character Ria Torres, a woman whose "natural," gifted abilities turn heads at The Lightman Group, making her Cal Lightman’s protege, which is hardly an easy task. It is the mentor relationship she has with Cal Lightman that adds to the show’s drama. Especially when the winter finale consisted of them fighting over information he withheld from her.

Now summer is here, and fans of the series will find themselves exploring Dr.Cal Lightman’s past once again. In this latest episode, titled "Beat the Devil," Jason Dohring ("Veronica Mars," "Moonlight") guest stars as Martin Walker, a grad student who captures Lightman’s attention for all the wrong reasons during a guest lecture, a favor he’s doing for his mentor Helen Dezekis (Rowena King). Convinced Martin is a psychopath, Lightman goes out of his way to prove he’s right, complicating matters with Helen, who as it turns out shares a romantic past with Lightman.

The entire episode is a cat and mouse game of outing Martin. Meanwhile, the secondary plot is far different, as Ria Torres and Eli Loker (Brendan Hines) work on a separate case concerning an unidentified flying object; yes, a UFO. While this episode isn’t exactly the best foot to set off the spring season, it can easily be broken down in highs and lows.

The Highlights

Jason Dohring vs Tim Roth — There was so much potential in this storyline. Dohring played Martin’s psychopatic tendencies with great restraint, leaving chills with a mere wisp of a smile or a cold stare. Roth’s interaction with Dohring was definitely exciting, and their scenes brought a lot of intensity to the screen, making it hard to look away. It also begs the question as to whether we’ll see Martin again. The fact that Martin was able to trick Ria Torres, create doubt in The Lightman Group, and nearly pull one over Cal Lightman, of all people, makes Martin Walker worthy of the title "Best Possible Recurring Villian".

The Many Loves of Cal Lightman — In seasons past, it has been revealed that Cal isn’t the best at handling intimate relationships, and he loves a good gamble. Learning that he had a fling with his mentor definitely sheds light on his issues. For a man who has lectured co-workers on loyalty and boundary lines, this will definitely shift the ongoing relationship he has with long time (possible love interest) Dr. Gillian Foster. It’s good to see their relationship taking a bit of the forefront, but hopefully Lightman’s indiscretions won’t sabotage a good thing.

The Lows

U.F.O. & Conspiracies — The concept isn’t exactly bad, it’s the timing of it all. In one corner we have a psychopath who likes to waterboard his victims, and on the other side we have two highly intelligent members of The Lightman Group chasing a U.F.O. It’s understandable if the darker tone of the main storyline is a downer, but this U.F.O element was out of place. The episode could have been strengthened by having Ria Torres and Eli Loker help validate Lightman, rather than proving conspiracy theories. And when the stories did overlap, like when Ria gets a visit from Martin, the idea of searching for U.F.Os pales in comparison. We as viewers want to examine how all these characters work collectively in high stakes circumstances, like the Martin Walker type cases, because it allows them to be at their best and grow. Previous episodes have done this well, like "Blinded" back in the first season, in which a serial killer forces the whole group to race against time. As recent as the first episode of this season, "The Core of It," Lightman uncovers the truth behind a woman who not only is a witness to a murder, but appears to have multiple personalities. It’s easily one of the best in the series, and if Roth gets nominated for an Emmy or Golden Globe, "The Core of It" will be part of the reason. So considering these previous episodes, "Beat the Devil" for the most part is good, but the series can push its storylines further, to a darker place.

Changing Directions — One of the more surprising, noticeable things about the new episode happened to be the new wardrobe Ria Torres is donning through the halls of the office. Typically, Eli Loker is the character who sports the casual Friday look. But when Ria Torres begins walking around in a jean mini-skirt and a cotton red top, something is wrong. Some will argue it’s just clothes, but it says a lot about her character. It has been established that Ria Torres is not like most people her age; she has a knack for reading ulterior motives and she fights to be taken seriously at times. So why is she suddenly walking around the office in a short skirt and knit top? Monica Raymund is undoubtedly a beautiful actress, but she doesn’t need short skirts to compensate for her talent. It makes Ria appear more like a young co-ed than a professional working for a major company. How will her character be taken seriously if she works a case with government officials and she’s sporting a mini jean skirt? Hopefully this is just temporary, and isn’t a sign of making her "sexy and young" for viewers.

Nevertheless, the series remains strong despite some minor flaws in continuity and plot. The actors continue to bring their best onscreen, and judging by next week’s promo, it looks like the show is going to get back to its signature drama.

"Lie to Me" airs Mondays at 8 pm on FOX this summer and returns in the fall for its third season.

This weekend, FOX Broadcasting will show a short based in the world of Rockstar Games’ open-world adventure game Red Dead Redemption.

Created and directed by John Hillcoat, the man behind The Road and The Proposition, the short is hardly short, as it’s 30 minutes long.

The entire film was created using the in-game world of Red Dead Redemption as a virtual set, borrowing its assets and harnessing its technology to get the job done.

The film debuts on FOX May 29 at midnight and the publisher has provided a 60-second teaser of it today (embedded below).

For those currently playing the game. What do you think of it?

Admit it: You’re a Gleek, too.

After season one of Fox’s smash hit “Glee” conquered the small screen, I was nervous it could be a one-season wonder. If tonight’s episode was any indication of the season to come, then my fellow Gleeks and I will be happily singing along, loving to hate Coach Sylvester and captivated by endless love triangles all season long.

Sue Sylvester, captain of McKinley’s cheerleading squad, the Cheerios, and everyone’s favorite villain is back after a short suspension (Ended by a roofie and some compromising photos of her and the Principle) to make Glee Club director Will Schuster’s life a living hell. As promised in the Season One finale, he is "about to board the Sue Sylvester train, destination: horror!" Her mission: stop Schuester and the Glee Club from taking Regional’s.

The students’ assignment was to perform songs with "Hello" in the title fueled by Mr. Schuester saying hello to a new relationship with ridiculously endearing, wide-eyed Guidance Counselor Emma Pillsbury. But is Will ready for a commitment after his messy break-up last season?

At the beginning of the episode, it would seem that Glee Clubs female star Rachel, the adorable and tremendously talented outcast of McKinley High, had everything she ever wanted — a win at Sectionals, and most importantly she is girlfriend to the object of her teenage affection: the hot star athlete and costar of the Glee Club, Finn.

Sylvester sees this as the perfect opportunity to sabotage the group and has her two hottest, albeit stupidest, cheerleaders try to seduce Finn.

Finn takes the bait and finds his inner ‘rock star’ singing "Hello, I Love You" by the Doors. Rachel retaliates with her version of "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects. Rachel is quickly over Finn when she finds herself at a piano singing "Hello" by Lionel Richie with Jesse Saint James, the super hunky male lead of a competing Vocal Group, Vocal Adrenaline. The members of Glee suspect foul play is afoot which forces Rachel to keep their "love" secret.

Schuesters romance with Emma takes an awkward turn for the worse when he finds out she still has her "V Card" and she starts realizing he’s still not over his ex wife. Schuester confronts the director of Vocal Adrenaline, played by ridiculously talented Broadway star Idina Menzel, about the possibility of Jesse Saint James spying on Glee Club via Rachel. The two of them end up passionately making out on his couch, which then leads to the break up of possibly the cutest TV couple of all time; Emma and Will.

The episode ends with the Glee cast in their full choreographed glory performing "Hello, Goodbye" by the Beatles. So what’s next? Will Rachel realize Jesse’s ulterior motives? Will Will and Emma work it out? Will Sylvester take down Glee? One things for sure, I know what I’ll be watching next Tuesday night. I unabashedly admit it — I am a full-blown Gleek!

In case you missed it, on last evening’s episode of the hugely popular cartoon “Family Guy,” bumbling idiot main character Peter played and got tossed around in, an online bout of Modern Warfare 2.

But there’s more.

Infinity Ward community manager Robert “FourZeroTwo” Bowling makes a cameo appearance in the spot as the guy killing a hopping Peter from downrange on the Brazilian Favela map.

Enough talk. Enjoy the video.

Tonight is the premiere of “American Idol” at 8 p.m. on FOX. It will be the last season featuring Simon Cowell, the stern-judging Brit who brought this level of reality/talent television to America.

A lot of FOX news today — “Glee” gets picked up for a second season. At the same time, the network is launching a nationwide search to find talented cast members for the second season. Visit fox.com/glee for updates.

“Bones” hits the 100 mark on April 8, and “Family Guy” would be somewhere around 300 if it wasn’t canceled. The cartoon hits its 150th episode on May 2. “America’s Most Wanted” hits 1,000 episodes with a special 22nd anniversary episode March 6.

FOX is also working up a buddy cop action/comedy that’s so far called “Code 58,” set to preview on May 12 and 19 and premiere on June 7. Code 58 was created by Matt Nix, who also has “Burn Notice” under his belt, so he knows what he’s doing.

“Breaking Bad” premieres with a third season on March 21 at 10 p.n. Before that, the cable network will air a six-episode marathon March 19.

Finally, yes, it’s official, Sarah Palin signed a multi-year deal with FOX News. She won’t get her own show but rather will support other shows on the network.

Tonight is the season premiere of “What Not To Wear” on TLC at 9 p.m., but it’s the weekend that has us excited.

On Sunday, NBC as the premiere of “Chuck” at 9, so be sure to DVR the HBO season premiere of “Big Love” at the same time. History Channel has premieres of “Ax Men” at 9 also, as well as “Madhouse” at 10. If you are still looking for something, National Geographic Channel has the season premiere of “Border Wars” also at 9.

Sunday is also a big day for FOX with the 450th episode of “The Simpsons” at 8 p.m. followed by the “Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice!” at 8:30.

In less happy, less 3D and maybe not less on ice news, NBC execs have reportedly met with Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien about their abysmal ratings. TMZ suggests NBC might cancel Leno’s 10 p.m. show and return him to “The Tonight Show,” firing O’Brien. NBC has gone on the record saying they support both shows in their current formats, but the network admitted that Leno’s poor ratings are hurting affiliates’ 11 p.m. newscasts.

Finally, CBS announced its midseason schedule. Jerry Bruckheimer’s new drama “Miami Medical” will air Fridays at 10 p.m starting April 2. “Accidentally on Purpose” moves to Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. starting March 31. “Rules of Engagement” begins its fourth season March 1 at 8:30 p.m, and 24 former castmates will return for the 20th edition of “Survivor” called “Heroes vs. Villains.” The two-hour premiere is February 11 at 8 p.m.

FOX announced its lineup for early 2010, which includes the return of “Dollhouse” on January 8 and two “Simpsons” special episodes:

January 8: “Dollhouse” at 9 p.m.
January 10: “The Simpsons” 450th Milestone Episode at 8p.m. and “The Simpsons” 20th Anniversary Special: in 3D! on Ice! at 8:30 p.m.
January 12: “American Idol” Part 1, two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
January 13: “American Idol” Part 2 at 8p; “Our Little Genius” at 9 p.m.
January 17: “Human Target”: (series preview) at 8 p.m.; “24″ Part 1, two-hour premiere at 9-11 p.m.
January 18: “24″ Part 2, two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
January 20: “Human Target”, series premiere at 9 p.m.
January 22: “Dollhouse” (series finale) at 9 p.m.
January 29: “Kitchen Nightmares” at 9 p.m.
February 4: “Fringe” (winter finale) at 9 p.m.
February 11: “Past Life,” two-hour premiere at 8 p.m.
March 14: “Sons of Tucson” at 8:30 p.m.

In other news, the series finale of “Monk” is this Friday at 9 p.m.

Today was the day of reckoning for several faltering television shows.

“Dollhouse,” “Hank” and “Brothers” all got the proverbial pink slip. “Dollhouse” through no fault of its own was set in no man’s land Friday night and seemed destined for failure from the start of the second season. “Hank” and “Brothers” never got off the ground.

Elsewhere, The CW will things fresh through at least May with new episodes of “One Tree Hill,” “Gossip Girl” and the new “Life UneXpected” all revolving around each others. “One Tree Hill” premieres with back-to-back episodes at 8 p.m. on January 18, followed by the start of “Life UneXpected” at 9 p.m.

The at-times controversial news anchor Lou Dobbs announced live on the air and unexpectedly that he was resigning from CNN immediately. Dobbs was under contract until the end of 2011, but CNN apparently released him. He was by some measure the voice of the right for CNN, though his views on immigration made him a lightning rod at times.

“Firefly” fans know the pain of the FOX red pen. It’s official. “Dollhouse” has been canceled.

The innovative Joss Whedon drama’s second season was a disaster from the start with a Friday night time slot it had to share with “Stargate Universe” and the fans’ social calendars. DVR couldn’t save it, either.

A few weeks ago, FOX announced it would pull “Dollhouse” during the November sweeps period due to low ratings, and yesterday the rest of the ax came down. FOX will air all 13 episodes of the second season starting on December 4, however.

Are you a die-hard Dollhouse fan? What do you think of this? Share your thoughts below.

Tonight, VH1 premieres two more reality shows: “For the Love of Ray J” at 9 p.m. and “I Want to Work for Diddy” at 10. ABC Family has the season finale of “Greek” at 9 tonight.

There’s a decent amount of news on this Monday. FOX gave a full sixth season order to the animated hit “American Dad” about a CIA agent voiced by Seth MacFarlane, who also created “Family Guy.” The show airs at 9:30 p.m. on Sundays.

Discovery will order a second season of “Swords Life on the Line” about the lives of New England fishermen. Discovery Channel also approved a series called “Airplane Repo” about a team that repossesses jets and helicopters from owners who defaulted on the loans. This will start early next year.

Writer Josh Heald, who has films “Hot Tub Time Machine” and “Mardi Gras” slated for release next year, also has a few TV projects in the works. “Sausagefest,” will be a comedy on NBC about two 20-something best friends with totally different fathers — one of which will be played by Norm Macdonald. The second show will be a FOX comedy called “Sequestered,” about 12 strangers who have to live together during a long jury trial. The show will mainly focus on their time outside the courtroom where they are allowed to talk about anything except the ongoing trial.

World Series big game tonight, so ABC has “Dancing with the Stars,” FOX eventually has “So You Think You Can Dance,” and NBC has the defunct “Trauma,” What a night. Even Bostonians will be watching baseball.

Fittingly enough, Fox is using its NFL coverage this Sunday to help jumpstart the media blitz for James Cameron’s new mega-epic "Avatar."

The film’s new trailer will be shown on the Cowboy Stadium’s enormous four-sided diamond vision screen- the world’s largest video display- just before noon this Sunday. The trailer will also be broadcast live to the audiences watching “Fox NFL Sunday,” the channels NFL pregame show.

Fox is calling the viewing party "the largest live motion picture trailer viewing in history."

"Avatar," which reportedly cost upwards of $200 million to produce, hits theaters December 18th.

“Friday Night Lights” premieres at 9 p.m. tonight on DirecTV’s The 101 Network. So, good luck to the six people that will be watching it tonight.

TBS will launch “Lopez Tonight” with George Lopez on November 9 at 11 p.m. with a star-studded lineup including Ellen DeGeneres, Eva Longoria-Parker and Kobe Bryant on night one and Sandra Bullock, Ray Romano, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Alba, Charlie Sheen, Queen Latifah, Marc Anthony, Ted Danson, Andy Garcia, Larry David, Taylor Lautner, Oscar de la Hoya, Kelly Osbourne, Floyd Mayweather, Eva Mendes, Arsenio Hall and Kathy Griffin for the first few episodes. It will air Monday-Thursday.

Nielsen announced that FOX News rules the cable news primetime waves with MSNBC coming in second place. CNN is down toward the bottom, with “Anderson Cooper 360″ placing forth in the ratings, behind re-runs of “Nancy Grace” and “Countdown.” Not a good sign for CNN.

TNT approved a pilot for the George Clooney-produced drama “Delta Blues” about an eccentric Memphis police officer who doubles as an Elvis impersonator.

The World Series starts tonight. Nothing else of note, except for “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” on ABC. Here in Boston, smart money’s on the Peanut gang.

Blast recently chatted with Michael Wallen, the vice president and creative director of Fox Mobile Studios, about one of their newest mobile series, “Brainstorm.”

The portable Internet series has already logged about 1.7 million viewers for the eight episodes available (with six pieces of viral content used to promote the series with marketing partner Altoids).

Comedy Central’s “Secret Girlfriend,” which began as a mobile series, shares actor Michael Blaiklock wth “Brainstorm,” where he plays Marty Waxer, a copywriter who is defined as “always stuck in a haze between last night’s party and his morning coffee.”

Between Marty’s procrastination and lack of seriousness, and the new marketing genius in the office, named Rock, an advertising conundrum ensues.

BLAST: First, we’d like to get a feel for how you decided to go with a mobile series, and how that benefits the audience. How are mobile series becoming more popular for audiences?

MICHAEL WALLEN: We really wanted to create a series-not just a mobile series-but a great short form series. We really thought of all cross platform ideas, and we did take into consideration stream size, viewing habits, and technical considerations, so that when somebody did view it (as a mobile series), it would be as a pleasant experience. We wanted to up the value of mobile content by delivering an entertaining series on that platform.

BLAST: How was the idea for Brainstorm started?

MW: It started with the idea of how do we get our skin in the game on the brand integration side of the business and create an organic concept that enables this brand integration without being intrusive to the viewer … organic and upfront. Transparent with the integration. So a show about advertising seemed to make a lot of sense and also poke fun of the brand, and tell a story at the same time. How do we fit a brand into a piece of entertainment? (The idea) was certainly influenced by what was happening in the economy, we thought we could make it relevant because (of smaller agencies struggling) it would resonate with viewers and also be a platform for comedy. Maybe some relief if you will.

BLAST: Was it fun to incorporate Altoids as a brand partner?

MW: Yeah, it was great. They were a fantastic partner. They got the jokes, they got the concepts, they recognized that in order to ..they had to play ball and let their brand be the center of some of the jokes. I commend them for doing that. A lot of brands will (say that they will) do that but will start to pull back. Altoids pushed us further, it was a wonderful partnership

BLAST: Were characters such as Marty and Rock inspired by real life office extremes, or solely developed for the purpose of the plot?

MW: Without blowing anyone’s cover, I’ve worked with every single one of those guys at some point in my career. I think the guru, Rock type is prevalent in the advertising field. These ‘everything turns to gold’ ad whizzes are either lucky or leaned on talented people to get where they are. There are millions of examples in every work environment, not just advertising. Advertising is such an interesting environment and breeds so many types of egos. The lead character was kind of your advertising every man. That’s definitely there in the agencies and the Marty character, but i think we try to capture characteristics of employees all over the world, someone everyone can relate to.

BLAST: Was the series influenced by any workplace sitcoms?

MW: Not directly, just that it’s there. There have been a lot of these office sitcoms, so there is a lot to draw on or draw away from. What’s different (is that) we tried to solve a business problem with a brand while also telling a story. Other shows are doing that — 30 Rock with Snapple. It’s just ‘how can you make advertising entertaining and enjoyable at the same time’?

“Brainstorm” is available on various online and mobile destinations, including MySpace, Yahoo! Video, YouTube, Veoh, blip.tv, Break, eBaum’s World, Howcast, Imeem, Metacafe, Sevenload, StupidVideos.com, Viddler, Vimeo, and most mobile phone networks.

Tonights premieres: “SuperNanny” on ABC at 8 and “White Collar” on USA Network at 10.

We are in the age of the “Gleek,” baby. FOX will release the first 13-episodes of the musical drama “Glee” on DVD by the end of the year, Variety reports. “Glee Season One: Road to Sections,” will be available December 29 with a director’s cut of the pilot and lots of special features.

Sebastian Roche will join FOX’s “Fringe” as a bad guy — a solider from another universe who’s part machine.

Lisa Kudrow will jump into a new project. She’s working with Dan Bucatinsky to develop a comedy for Showtimw based on the memior “Why the Long Face?: The Adventures of a Truly Independent Actor,” by Craig Chester. The show, for now called “Rapture,” chronicles the actor’s upbringing as the gay son of a religious household.

Adult Swim approved a pilot for a live action comedy produced by Conan O’Brien’s company. The show, “Eagleheart,” is about a washed up action star who gets a TV show.

Sarah Shahi will top the pilot for “Facing Kate,” for USA Network. She was previously the female lead on NBC’s “Life,” Cynopsis reports.

Finally, “Dollhouse” is not being included in the November sweeps for FOX due to poor ratings for the now struggling show — the latest Joss Whedon show with a rabid fan base that never seems to watch the damn show when it’s on TV.

The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror XX aired this past Sunday on FOX, and if you missed the show, you missed an appearance by Halo protagonist Master Chief.

Jimbo Jones, a bully from the show, dressed in an appropriately-green Master Chief uniform for the annual night of fright.

Take a look, and if you missed the episode, Hulu has it.

Tonight is the finale of “Shark Tank” at 8 p.m. on ABC, as well as “Flipping Out” on Bravo at 10. No premieres tonight. The American League Championship Series continues on FOX tonight, so that will take up all the television-related attention.

Leading up to the new sci-fi drama “V,” ABC is hiring skywriters to draw huge letter V’s in the sky at 26 major landmarks across the US from Friday until the series opens November 3. “V” will have four episodes before a hiatus until early 2010.

FOX recently approved a new comedy called “Rehaab,” from writer/producer Sam Laybourne (“Cougar Town”). The show centers around a man who pretends to need rehab in order to re-connect with a former high school sweetheart who’s now a rock star.

Finally this morning, Samuel L. Jackson has two products in the works for CBS. The first is a comedy about the wife of a congressman who inherits her husband’s seat after he dies suddenly. We wonder if Victoria Kennedy is paying attention to that one. The second is a medical drama about an ER doctor who treats patients in unusual ways. Jackson will executive produce both shows. He is, after all, the highest paid man in Hollywood.

Tonight is the season premiere of “Ugly Betty” on ABC at 8 and “lobstermen” at 10 on Discovery Channel. and we also have the season finale of “Psych” on USA at 10 p.m. “Storm Chasers” premieres Sunday at 10 p.m. on Discovery

News Corp. will shut down Fox Reality Channel by March 31, citing low ratings for the four-year old network.

Could this finally be the end of “Jon & Kate Plus 8?” TLC will halt the show in mid-November, and has said it will not launch “Kate Plus 8″ on November 2 on the heels of Jon Gosselin’s court order preventing the pair’s children from being filmed. We’re sure that there will be more to this story.

Showtime will order a one-hour pilot of an American import of the British drama “Shameless,” with William H. Macy. The show is about a working-class family of eight children with an alcoholic father — no we’re not still talking about “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”

The CW has six — count’em — six new shows in development. “Spy School for Girls” is about women spies being trained by the CIA. “Plymouth Rock” is a space-themed melodrama about people on a space ship traveling to another planet, and the fun that ensues there. “Confessions of a Backup dancer,” will be written and executive produced by Ilene Chaiken (“The L Word”). “The March Sisters” is a modern-day Little Woman. And finally, there’s an untitled crime drama coming out of Robert De Niro’s Tribeca Entertainment.

ABC gave “The Gates” a 13-episode order for the season.

Finally, the Yankees and the Angels begin game one of the American League Championship Series at 7:30 on FOX. We couldn’t care less.

We’ve got some TV news. Not a lot. But some.

Tonight’s lone finale is “Hell’s Kitchen” on FOX at 8.

There’s going to be a new premium channel soon. Epix will launch on October 30, with several movies including “Iron Man” and “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” There will also be a two-hour Madonna concert live from Buenos Aires.

ABC gave the full season order for the new drama “FlashForward” joining “Cougar Town,” “The Middle” and “Modern Family” with full seasons. No word on “Hank.”

SyFy’s debut of a new season of “Sanctuary” on Friday delivered 1.9 million viewers.

Finally, the Gilmore Girls’ Lauren Graham is joining the NBC drama “Parenthood” taking the place of Maura Tierney, who was dropped after the pilot.

The premiere season has just about wound down at this point, but we have a few cable shows on tap tonight.

Animal Planet premieres “Weird, True and Freaky” at 9 p.m., with “Lost Tapes” to follow at 10. MTV has some reality shows starting tonight; most notably is the reality-drama “The Hills” at 10 with “The City” to follow at 10:30.

Actor Omar Miller is joining CSI: Miami as a regular starting with the October 5 episode. Miller will play Walter Simmons, an art chief from Louisiana who joins the crime fighting CSI team.

CBS had the best night on Friday, according to Nielsen, with premieres of “Ghost Whisperer,” “Medium” and “Numb3rs” scoring big on the ranking charts. We predict that will continue tonight as CBS has new episodes of three of its biggest shows, “NCIS,” the new “NCIS: Los Angeles,” and “The Good Wife.”

We wonder how long “NCIS: Los Angeles” will continue to air on Tuesdays. The two NCIS shows are hits, and we have to assume one will get moved to bolster a slower weekday.

“Dancing with the Stars” is on ABC tonight and “So You Think You Can Dance” is on FOX.

Finally, no it’s not the 90s, but new episodes of the new “90210,” and “Melrose Place” are on The CW tonight.

By the way: Because of a reporting error, we said “NCIS: Los Angeles” aired on Mondays. It airs on Tuesdays.

With beginnings and endings, this weekend is shaping up to be a big one for television.

We say goodbye to “King of the Hill” with a one-hour finale at 8 p.m. Sunday after 13 seasons of American’s favorite propane salesman and his family. Fox decided not to renew the series, making room for the “Family Guy” spin-off “The Cleveland Show.” ABC, previously rumored to be picking up “King of the Hill” decided not to grab it.

In the reality world, CBS premieres “There Goes the Neighborhood” at 10 p.m. Sunday. HGTV’s “Design Star” also stars up again at 10 on Sunday, so get the DVR ready.

For the original reality TV, FOX has new seasons of “Cops” at 8p.m. and America’s Most Wanted at 9 p.m. on Saturday.

And if you want some actual reality don’t forget that NBC has Sunday night “Football in America” every week for the next 17 glorious weeks!

In the wake of breaking business news yesterday about Disney’s decision to buy Marvel Entertainment for $4 billion, we’re already seeing a headline that runs contrary to our 10 possible Disney/Marvel crossovers.

20th Century Fox, not Disney, has announced plans for another Fantastic Four film with a new flick produced by Akiva Goldsman and written by Michael Green.

Goldsman is currently producing movies based on DC properties “Jonah Hex” and “The Losers,” while Green is co-writing “Green Lantern” starring Ryan Reynolds and is the co-executive producer of “Heroes.”

Neither of the previous two Tim Story-directed Fantastic Four fims have been particularly good, nor have they received particularly good reviews.

There is no word on whether or not Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis will return for a third go around.

From a cafƒ© in Arizona, accompanied by his “wingmen” Danny and Anoop (fellow former “American Idol” contestants), Matt Giraud took some time out of his day off from the “Idol” tour to chat with Blast Magazine about his “Idol” experience and upcoming new gig as mentor and host of the Yobi network’s new show, “Make the Cut.”

Prior to his recent Idol fame, Giraud spent his time as a dueling piano player, a gig in which he never truly felt comfortable. “They thought I was too good to be playing there; they could always tell I wanted to be a true artist. At the time, I just wanted a job.”

Born and raised in Michigan, Giraud was a performer from birth. It wasn’t until last season’s “American Idol” that he got his “big break” unless you count a 2nd place win in the West Michigan “Idol” contest.

In Hollywood Giraud placed fifth in the competition, after being the first ever recipient of the “judges save” and given a second chance at proving his talent. That he did, performing The Fray’s “You Found me”, Stevie Wonder’s “Part Time Lover” and eventually being eliminated after a passionate rendition of Richard Rodger’s “My Funny Valentine.”

The judges save was a turning point for Matt. Although he didn’t win the competition, it boosted his confidence and forced the world to take a second look at this dueling piano player from Michigan. It was ” “¦a huge honor” reflects Matt, “People behind the scenes, the judges, they saw something in me. I didn’t feel like I could convey that to the audience in a minute and a half.”

Now in full swing, The “American Idol” Tour has, so far, been getting rave reviews – in large part because of Giraud’s performances. “People on tour are surprised at how good I am. I’m making a bigger impact now. I’m calling it my “ËœRedemption Tour.’”

When the tour wraps, Giraud will travel back to Michigan where he’ll take a back seat as performer. Yobi TV, the “online reality contest network” will air “Make The Cut” in September ’09. Matt describes it as the “”ËœAmerican Idol’ of the internet.” Twelve finalists will have the chance to rise to the top and then be mentored by Giraud in MI recording studios as the elimination process continues. One winner will win a chance to cut a record.

What will Giraud’s role be? “It’s cool to be on the opposite end of the spectrum” he says. As a mentor he hopes to ” “¦bring a little hope, bring out their talent and passion. I’m not just going to blast people like Simon.” Sounds like he’ll be channeling Paula a bit.

While future plans have yet to be set in stone, Matt Giraud knows one thing for sure: he is beyond thankful for everything. He is currently writing songs, booking gigs, and wants “to do a ton of different things.” For someone whose influences include Louis Armstrong and Dru Hill, it sounds like success will certainly continue for this dynamic performer.

But first, it’s time for Matt Giraud to finish his scone and get back to the “Idol” tour”¦

“Make the Cut” airs on Yobi TV in September 2009.

SAN DIEGO — There is one thing certain, “Fringe” the Fox television show, is not the typical science fiction series. A year ago, this edgy drama introduced audiences to a taboo area of science termed “fringe science.” Its focus and practices include genetically mutated humans, deadly dreams, necromancy and teleportation. Though often compared to another beloved Fox series, “X-Files” the show takes the paranormal to a heightened level.

With the stars and its producers at day three of Comic-Con International, Blast sat in and discussed
“Fringe’s” upcoming season and characters. The panel included J.H. Wyman, writers Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman and followed by cast members Joshua Jackson, Jasika Nicole, John Noble, and Anna Torv.

The second season of “Fringe” has already been plotted out by the, Wyman said.

“Peter (Bishop) is going to learn a lot about his existence, who he is,” Wyman said. “We have many things we have that we want to bank out here as a character, and then actually make him the hero he needs and wants to become.”

Wyman explained the fate of Peter (Joshua Jackson) who ended the season with a cliffhanger, leaving fans wondering about his identity. “There are many things beyond the ideas of aliens” Wyman responded to the “no alien” stance from the show’s writers.

“The keys in the character and what is happening with the show and how it’s different than last year, is that we’re actually looking at the first season as a prologue” Wyman said.

The basic theme of science, it’s catastrophic and uncontrollable nature, is the angle the show has taken and molded since it started last year. What makes it interesting is finding the show is developing its own groove.

“You’re really going to fall in love, this year we work with Walter’s emancipation,” Wyman said. “Peter is going to start to come into his own, and develop in an internal way … it’s really all delicious.”

The series tries to transcend science and be a show about people, building on the back stories of the characters. The writers described Peter and Olivia’s (Anna Torv) relationship as a “brother and sister” pairing.

There are no current plans to develop any romantic storylines between the characters at the moment, which in many ways is a godsend. What makes “Fringe” one of the most successful pilots is its focus on adding drama with the occasional humorous banter. Family also plays a pivotal role especially between Peter and his formally estranged father.

Joshua Jackson gave his views on the relationship between father and son: “There’s always this state of play,” he said. “The big reveal in the end of the season will inevitably lead to break up, until that break up we’ll see them getting closer and closer.”

The strength of “Fringe” is its ability to explore uncharted realms of science, bring them to life, and through it provide a mirror to the world and lives of its characters.

“Fringe” airs at 9 p.m. Thursday nights on Fox.

I’m not a fan of “Dollhouse.” I couldn’t get into it. Maybe I was distracted. Maybe my queue was just full between “Burn Notice”, the garbage that SyFy is putting out, “Mythbusters” and staying loyal to Dr. House. But I’m not a “Dollhouse” fan. I’m not really a Joss Whedon fan. I did like “Firefly,” though, but like many I didn’t discover it until recently on DVD. My only conflict of interest here is that I met and interviewed Eliza Dushku, and it made me wish I was a 6’7″ basketball star like Rick Fox.

That said, I can’t imagine why anyone is surprised, shocked even, that Fox renewed “Dollhouse” for a second season. I can’t imagine a television show that’s been more hyped and amped and discussed than Whedon’s current sexy, action-packed, psychological drama.

We even came up with a list of nine reasons why a second season was a good thing. As if we had to make the argument! I’ll give you one reason:

It’s the guy!

Every time Blast so much as mentions Joss Whedon in an article, it gets linked to on forums, big hits on Google News, tons of comments and loads of traffic. People flock to anything we print about the man who brought the world “Buffy” and perhaps the most successful spinoff ever that doesn’t involve a black family, “Angel.”

And I say “flock” quite literally. It’s like the swallows coming back every year. Fans wait with baited breath to see what Joss is gonna do next.

How is this guy continuously getting shot down?

“Firefly” I can see. Network television can’t sustain pure science fiction, though at least Fox keeps trying. But “Dollhouse?”

One of the comments that stuck out from my Dushku interview was when she told me that “Dollhouse” was the most DVR’d television show of the fall season. Combining that with people who actually watched the show live, I would offer that “Dollhouse” was perhaps one of the top three most-watched television shows last season.

Yet it’s astounding and breaking news that there will be a season two? I think not.

But here we are again. Fox has slashed the show’s budget. Season two is going to be grittier (read: cheaply done) and darker (read: fewer expensive special effects and sets). Crew is getting shuffled around. Whedon is bringing in “his alumns” like Alexis Denisof, which reminds me of Kevin Smith getting his friends to be in every movie he makes.

Are we to believe that Fox somehow has failed to make a fat enough profit off of this show? Are we to sit here, critics and fans alike, and buy it that, with all the hype, fan sites, forums, promo spots, convention panels and fucking TiVos out there, that the sales team at one of the biggest media conglomerates in the world couldn’t turn a decent profit?

YES! That’s exactly what we have to believe, because otherwise Fox would be pouring resources back into the show to squeeze more milk from the cow.

Someone needs to get fired over this, but it’s not Joss Whedon.

Maybe it’s the decided lack of new (good) adult cartoons nowadays, but yesterday sources announced Comedy Central would be renewing the six years dead TV show “Futurama” with a 26 episode count. Surviving with reruns on Comedy Central and a series of straight-to-DVD movies, “Futurama” has remained popular enough to be brought back from TV-on-DVD land.

This is reminiscent of when FOX show “Family Guy” was renewed several years ago after being axed due to its high DVD sales and continued popularity.

We at Blast would like to suggest the renewal of a couple more unfortunately departed FOX TV shows that still have some extra kick in them.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

Even with an “Arrested Development” movie on the horizon (fingers crossed), the true magic of the three season long comedy about the unapologetically terrible Bluth family came from the character interaction and insanely interwoved plot lines that coursed through the series.

Like “Futurama” and “Family Guy,” “Arrested Development” has seen life after death with high DVD sales and an impassioned fanbase (the idea for an “Arrested Development” movie didn’t come from nowhere… well, maybe Ron Howard). Plus, the show remains one of the most critically acclaimed comedies of all time.

With the marketed success of Michael Cera and the maintained popularity of stars Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett and David Cross, new seasons of “Arrested Development” could reach a wider, more willing audience. At the time, the Bluths were criticized as being “unrelatable” and the episodes were too disjointed, but with shows like “The Office” and “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” growing in popularity and viewership each year, maybe it’s time for “Arrested Development” to return to television.

Check out season three’s “S.O.B.s” episode, “Arrested Development’s” response to finding out they were canceled:

FIREFLY

We don’t care that Joss Whedon has “Dollhouse” now, that Nathan Fillion has “Castle,” that Alan Tudyk is headed to “V” or that “Serenity” has already been made: We want more “Firefly.” We give FOX credit for giving “Dollhouse” a second season, and yes viewership was low for “Firefly’s” first and only season, but with the success of both “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and its spin-off “Angel,” FOX should have known to trust the magic that is Joss Whedon.

The magic of “Firefly” is its reinvention of outer space. Its western feel and comedic relief was a welcome change to the “Stargate” ripoffs littering the major networks. “Firefly” had a character that was uniquely its own, and that’s something few sci-fi television shows can say.

With the popularity of its spin-off comic book series and the multitude of storylines that have yet to be told, “Firefly” has many more seasons left in it. Whedon clearly left the series open to go a varity of different ways — a fact made more clear by the quick wrap-up of River Tam’s storyline in “Serenity” — and has a growing and dedicated fanbase that would stand behind the resurrection of this show. Don’t believe me? Check out Can’t Stop The Serenity in Boston this month.

Blast’s resident Whedon expert Kellen Rice also would like to point out that maybe if “Firefly” hadn’t been canceled so early on, SPOILER Alan Tudyk’s Wash wouldn’t have been killed off in “Serenity” — something she still feels can change.

Watch “Firely” episode “Out of Gas” here, and check out the entire series for free on Hulu.com:

What TV shows would you like to see brought back from the dead? Share with us your most dearly missed shows below!

About as soon as the opening weekend box office returns from “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” were announced, Fox swallowed the blue pill and greenlit “X-Men Origins: Deadpool,” a “Wolverine” sequel and a third, unnamed project.

Deadpool, a fan-favorite character played by Ryan Reynolds in “Wolverine,” is a (crazy) mercenary who peppers his stories with wisecracks and quips. He has a healing factor that supersedes even Wolverine’s and is one of the most formidable fighters in the X-Men universe.

And that’s all well and good except for the fact that the awesome Deadpool of the comics showed up in “Wolverine” for about five minutes before his character was summarily (and literally, apparently) chopped up into little bits.

Indeed, one of the great failures in “Wolverine,” besides the laughable writing, horrendous production values, pathetic dialogue, and all-around terribleness, was in fact the treatment of Deadpool’s character.

So what do I have to say about a Deadpool movie?

Let’s break it down.

PROS

1. Done right (key word), Deadpool has the potential to make a very cool movie, as well as one that will make money at the box office. His character allows for the gritty, edgy superhero movies that have come into vogue since “Sin City,” “The Dark Knight,” et cetera as well as the comedic factor – like “Spiderman,” except not as lame.

2. Done right (key fucking word), Deadpool would be a redeeming addition to the X-Men franchise that has gone from a gleaming beacon on a hill to a festering joke populated with evil Hollywood-types who like to destroy childhood heroes as they laugh and count their money. “Wolverine” proved that there could be an X-Men movie even worse than “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” and that Wolverine could star in a movie that people would compare to “Daredevil” in terms of suck. But Deadpool could change all that.

3. Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds caught a lot of flak when he was cast as Deadpool. Most fans had a hard time seeing Berg as one of the most badass mutants in the X-Universe. But frankly, the guy proved that he can do action movies in his five seconds of “Wolverine” screen time and in his role as Hannibal in “Blade III” (and come on, folks, let’s not pretend that the Blade movies were anything other than sweet sword-fights, shootouts and vampires). I’ll even go one step further and change his status from “competent” to “great choice.”

CONS

1. “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” made most fans (and people with brains) want to kill puppies.

2. “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” made most fans (and people with brains) actually go out and kill puppies.

3. Can we possibly trust Fox? Since Bryan Singer left the franchise to go fail at “Superman Returns,” the studio has clearly proven that they could honestly care less about the quality of the X-Men movies. I mean, who hires Brett Ratner for anything, much less for a huge, big-budget threequel with a big fanbase and fan anticipation? Who hires a director whose attitude is, “fuck the fans, we already have their money?” And it’s one thing to change the storyline or introduce new characters or ignore established comic book canon in order to make a better film — a comic book movie is still an adaptation. It’s another thing entirely to shit on comic book canon in favor of making a shitty movie.

4. Most people haven’t heard of Deadpool, including the studio zombies who make these decisions. Unless Wolverine is somehow involved (as most popular character in Marvel films and comics), will Deadpool a) get the budget (although a budget didn’t appear to help “Wolverine” any) and b) generate excitement (aka, will people see it because it’s an X-Men movie?).

5. LEAVE DEADPOOL THE HELL ALONE. LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HIM IN “WOLVERINE,” YOU MONSTERS!

So here’s what I think should happen. Drop the hokey and pretentious “X-Men Origins” business (Deadpool was NOT an X-Man, thank you), and besides Deadpool wasn’t in the original three X-Men movies. Don’t leech off of Wolverine’s popularity by making the movie some kind of “Deadpool and Wolverine, Duo Extraordinaire” and don’t even attempt to adhere to the (shitty) continuity in “Wolverine.”

Instead, reboot Deadpool in a movie of his very own, unrelated to the established X-universe on film. Sure, it can be an origin story, whatever. That’s what studios seem to be fond of these days. But make a movie for the character in his own right, not just because he fought with Wolverine a couple of times.

Most importantly, studios — read a fucking Deadpool comic. Seriously. Please.

And finally — for the love of Phoenix, don’t sew the character’s mouth shut. That’s half of what makes him awesome.

ENFIELD, Conn. — My feeling is this: the only possible way that “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” could have been spawned is if the following conversation took place, in some undisclosed location with a pair of undisclosed Fox studio executives. Let’s call them Character and Assassination.

Character: Hey, even though the third X-Men was a pile of cow dung, everybody still likes Wolverine, right?

Assassination: Please. The better question is, who doesn’t like Hugh Jackman? That guy’s awesome.

Character: So let’s make a movie about him, throw in a lot of gratuitous cameos of other mutants — but let’s twist their personalities and abilities to the point where they are unrecognizable.

Assassination: Great idea! And let’s the film the entire thing on green screens! Think Lucas will give us a hand? He’s an expert at ruining franchises.

Character: Pshaw, think about how much that’ll cost? Instead, let’s blow our whole FX budget showing Sabretooth’s fingernails growing in extreme closeup, accompanied by Liev Schreiber’s sardonic smirk.

Assassination: I like the way you think. Maybe we could add a couple unfunny pithy one-liners. But what happens besides that?

Character: Doesn’t really matter. We could just have Wolverine get into a lot of pointless fights that don’t advance the plot at all. And he could growl a lot, sort of like Darth Vader in “Revenge of the Sith.” That was the best part, am I right?

Assassination: Totally. But what other mutants should we include?

Character: Well, the fans have been asking for Gambit.

Assassination: The only way I’ll allow that is if he drops his Cajun accent five minutes into the film, and also appears out of nowhere several times.

Character: It’s a deal. Also, let’s cast Van Wilder and Charlie from “Lost” somehow. And that guy from the Yes We Can video. I’m thinking we could tell them they’ll play cool mutants from the comics and then make their characters about a hundred times more stupid.

Assassination: With pleasure! And let’s abuse Cyclops again. I really just can’t stand that guy.

Character: How will we keep continuity with the other movies? For that matter, Liev Schreiber doesn’t look anything like the guy who played Sabretooth the first time, does he?

Assassination: Don’t worry about it. Just call him “Victor” the entire time and give him less hair. The audience won’t even know he’s supposed to be Sabretooth.

Character: Genius. You ready to film this thing, then?

Assassination: Yeah. But should we worry about the plot at all?

Character: Are you kidding? We’ll have as many plot holes as the amount of bloodless stab wounds. Gotta keep it PG-13.

Assassination: Let’s do this thing!

There you have it, folks. Now, that might come off as the bitter ranting of a disappointed geek — which I admittedly am — but the truth of the matter is that this was a bad, bad film regardless of geek affiliation or lack thereof.

The production values were uneven at best and laughable at worst; there are scenes where I had to fight not to laugh, both at the bad CGI and painful dialogue. It was like watching the part in “Return of the King” where the hobbits are frolicking in bed together.

The plot was disjointed and frankly made very little sense. All the themes and questions that Bryan Singer and company developed in the first two X-Men films — and yes, even the abominable Brett Ratner contributed to those in the third X-Men — are completely absent here. Yes, it’s intended to be a different franchise, I understand that, but it is also supposedly set in the same universe. But no, the only continuity in this film was Jackman himself.

Ah! There it is: the film’s sole redeeming quality! Hugh Jackman is again excellent in the role, balancing the fan favorite “best at what he does, but what he does isn’t very nice” aspect of Wolverine with the human side. Jackman clearly has a love for this role and this character, and he played the different sides of the Wolverine beautifully. One such moment was near the end of the film, when Logan loses his memories. The change in attitude, in voice, was so perfectly on par with the Logan we see in X-Men 1 and 2 that I could only smile.

But unfortunately, one good performance doesn’t save a film riddled with inconsistency, stupidity, absurdity, and a lot of other nouns that end in “Y,” nor does that performance render the film watchable.

It’s a shame, really — and I do hate to say it — but the bottom line here is to stay away from “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.”

Stay far, far away.

Everyone is watching the Watchmen–or rather, everyone is watching the dueling studios 20th Century Fox and Warner Brothers as the fate of the highly-anticipated film is gradually shrouded in uncertainty and confusion. With Rorschach, the Comedian, Silk Specter, Nite Owl, and the rest of Alan Moore and David Gibbons’ brilliant cast so tantalizingly close to the silver screen, fans and film-lovers alike are anxious over the conflict. Will there be “Watchmen” on the night of March 6th, the day of the film’s scheduled release? Or will the conflict remain unresolved, as many fear, and result in postponement or even cancellation?

But let’s back up. Where does this all begin? The story is familiar by now: Fox bought the rights to distribute a film adaptation of Watchmen shortly after the acclaimed graphic novel’s release and spent the next twenty years doing absolutely nothing with it. Warner Brothers decided to develop the so-called “unfilmable” story anyway and managed to produce the $130 million epic with “300″ director Zack Snyder at the helm.

Of course, it’s not that simple – it never is. Before filming began, Fox approached Warner Brothers and a suit began over the rights to the project, though it is obvious Warner Brothers continued with production regardless of legal troubles. Unfortunately for Warner Brothers, in late December Judge Gary Feess brought down the gavel on Fox’s side of things and since then, Fox has made it clear that they want to prevent the release of the film, a possibility which will be decided on January 20th. The only good news for fans in this bleak tale is that lawyers on both sides of the conflict are working on a settlement.

The legal conflict hasn’t stopped Warner Brothers from mounting a variety of marketing strategies. Snyder and company took full advantage of the comic-book hype of “The Dark Knight,” releasing the first trailer just before Batman hit theaters.

A series of prequel video games called “Watchmen: The End is Nigh” will be released during the month of March to (hopefully) go along with the film. Patrick Wilson (Nite Owl) and Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach) lend their voices and‚ original artist David Gibbons served as an advisor during production of the seventies period game.

“The Tales of the Black Freighter,” the fictional comic book in the original graphic novel, will be included as an animated feature for Watchmen’s (hopeful) DVD release, with Gerard Butler voicing the main role.

Director Zack Snyder didn’t forget the fans, either. He took to Watchmen’s Youtube channel and started a contest for Youtubers to create commercials for Veidt Enterprises, a fictional corporation in the Watchmen world. Some of the top entries can be found‚ here.

Action figures are due to be released this month and this past Wednesday, a footage-packed‚ featurette was released via Apple that depicts the original generation of superheroes of the Watchmen universe, the Minutemen, whose story plays an important role in the story. The featurette was accompanied by a‚ Japanese trailer for the film that also plays host to some never-before-seen footage.

Recently, Warner Brothers launched a new‚ website that plays homage to vigilante Rorschach’s publication of choice, the fictional conspiracy theory magazine The New Frontiersman. While there are no apparent easter eggs, the website includes a few nods to Watchmen fans, incorporating the original Minuteman photo, an ink blot (also known as a Rorschach test), and the ubiquitous blood-stained smiley face pin into the site’s design.

So whether or not there will actually be a film to see on March 6th is still up in the air. But Warner Brothers isn’t about to back down and fans can only hope that their legal team is as aggressive as the marketing campaign–or, even better, as aggressive as the Watchmen themselves.