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David Letterman uses his sharp tongue to lash back at jihadist death threats from last week.

The late night comedian joked about the threats, although the US Government is taking them seriously.

“Tonight, you people are more, to me, honestly, more than an audience… you’re more like a human shield,” Letterman said to his live audience on Monday night.  He continued by apologizing for being late because he was browsing CBS’s life insurance policy “to see if [he] was covered for jihad.”

The threats from last week were posted on an extremist online forum, and threatened to “cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever.”  Letterman, however, is not Jewish.

The comedian joked that perhaps they really meant the Tonight Show host Jay Leno.

The posts came mainly in response to Letterman’s jokes about the death of Mohammad Ilyas Kashmiri, the alleged leader of a Kashmiri militant group.

“Kashmiri lasted only a month on the job,” Letterman said in two months ago. ” Alex Rodriguez’s girlfriends last longer than that.”

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Late night comedian David Letterman is the target of a prominent jihadist internet forum attack that has asked radical Muslims to “cut the tongue of” the host.

A contributor to the shmukh al-Islam online forum said that Letterman offended the group when he allegedly insulted Osama bin Laden and another senior al-Qaida leader Ilyas Kashmiri in a skit on his show.

The skit features Letterman “put[ting] his hand on his neck and demonstrat[ing] the way of slaughter,” according to a user who calls himself Umar al-Basrawi.  The comedian supposedly made the gesture following the June 5 announcement of bin Laden’s death.

“Is there not among you a Sayyid Nosair al-Mairi,” Al-Basrawi wrote on the forum, referring to the killer of Meir Kahane, founder of the Jewish Defense League. “To cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever?”

Letterman, who is not Jewish, was informed about the attack by The Site Monitoring Service, a private intelligence network that tells the US government about threatening online material.

The FBI considers the threat serious.

Conan O’Brien says he got a phone call from David Letterman over the holidays.

O’Brien said Wednesday that he and Letterman have “always been good. I said he didn’t owe me a phone call, but I appreciated it.”

However, O’Brien said about Jay Leno, who replaced him as “Tonight” show, “We all know the story,” even though his new TBS show ”Conan” began in November.

He added, “I’m very appreciative. There’s nothing like walking away from ‘The Tonight Show’ that makes you appreciative of being on the air and having a TV show. I think that feeling is coming through.”

Jon Stewart has responded to Rick Sanchez?who was fired from his job as CNN anchor after he called Stewart a bigot and questioned whether Jews should be considered a minority. Stewart referenced the former CNN anchor’s infamous anti-Semitic comments?at Comedy Central’s “Night of Too Many Stars” at New York’s Beacon Theater, according to The Hollywood Reporter, “If you went on radio and said the Jews control the media…you may want to hold on to your money. All he has to do is apologize to us, and we’ll hire him back.”

Fellow late night host David Letterman reportedly joined the pile-on during a surprise appearance later in the show, saying he’d just been “helping Rick Sanchez clean out his office.”

Joaquin Phoenix returned to “The Late Show With David Letterman” on Wednesday. It was his first appearance since an odd February 2009 visit to the show.

Last year, Phoenix grew a long beard and started acting weirdly. He did Letterman in February 2009 wearing dark sunglasses, and he mumbled answers to questions and seemed confused.

The 35-year-old actor’s bizarre antics and stunts were mockumented by Casey Affleck in “I’m Still Here.” Affleck has said the stunts were part of a large hoax and that Letterman was in on the whole thing.

Phoenix has returned to “normal” now, and he’s shaved.

Phoenix also said that Letterman was not in on the hoax, despite recent rumors.

"Yeah. Was there a script that you and I were working with?” Letterman came back.

"No," Phoenix responded.

"Thank you very much," Letterman said. "I was not part of it, was I?"

"Yeah, but, like you said, I mean, I think that you’ve interviewed many, many people, and I assumed that you would know the difference between a character and a real person, so — but I apologize. I didn’t — I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.”

"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. I was not offended,” Letterman said. “I’m telling you, it was so much fun. It was batting practice, you know what I mean? Every one of them was a dinger."

“We’d hoped to come on a talk show,” Phoenix said with a laugh, “and I was looking for a beat down, and I got one … I want to thank you for that.”

Affleck appeared on Jay Leno’s “Tonight” show Tuesday. He pointed out that people laughed at Phoenix during the antics but never expressed real concern about him.

“Afterward, the movie comes out, the critics like to say `this is crazy, this is disturbing, this is sick,’” he said. “But while it’s happening, people were happy just to mock him and make fun of him.”

This is where we are obligated to remind you that Jaoquin Phoenix is the younger brother of the late actor River Phoenix, who died of a drug overdose on October 31, 1993 at the West Hollywood club the Viper Room.

In continued efforts to smooth over the extortion scandal, David Letterman apologized to his wife Regina Lasko on TV.

She was “horribly hurt by my behavior,” he said, and added that the affairs were over and that he had his work cut out for him to fix the relationship.

As usual, he lightened the mood with jokes, saying not even GPS would talk to him, and “This is only phase one of the scandal. Phase two: Next week I go on ‘Oprah’ and sob.”

I’m sure Regina appreciates the jokes.

The “Late Show” took a turn toward the serious last night when David Letterman revealed a $2 million extortion scheme against him, as well as some affairs with women who worked for him.

He explained to his studio and TV audience that he recently found a package and letter left in his car. The letter said, “I know that you do some terrible, terrible things and that I can prove you do some terrible things.” The package, of course, contained the proof. The blackmailer – who has been identified only as an employee of CBS – asked for $2 million to keep his mouth shut.

But whoever the extortionist was, he should have predicted what would come of this. Letterman, who has always seemed a genuine figure, was honest.

“My response to that is, yes, I have. I have had sex with women who work on this show,” he said.

He didn’t say when the affairs occurred, which will surely leave people wondering since he’s been married since March and had a son in 2003. He also said he intends, or hopes, to protect the women involved, his family, himself and his job.

All in all, a brilliantly handled scandal. But will honesty keep him off America’s shit list? We’ll see.

Nice legs, Emma.

We don’t much care about this story, but the real story here is Emma’s smart and candid response to a wardrobe malfunction that left her designer dress opened at the middle, giving fans and photogs a legs and undies glimpse of the 19-year-old star.

She appeared on “The Late Show” last night. She blushed when David Letterman asked about it, but she smiled and replied smartly.

“This was a small wardrobe malfunction that happens,” she said. “At least I’m wearing underwear.”

She was clearly embarrassed, saying she’s “still learning.”

We disagree. We think Watson’s learned plenty. (A) She WAS wearing underwear. (B) She DIDN’T do it on purpose. (C) She responded to it on national television.

Smart girl. There’s a corps of American female celebrities that could learn a thing or two from Miss Watson.

But still … nice legs.

David Letterman reached a deal on December 28 with the union for striking screenwriters. The agreement will let his show return to the air next week, bringing his writing staff back with him.

The Writers Guild of America called its pact with Letterman a sign of union readiness to negotiate a deal with major film and TV studios to settle Hollywood’s worst labor crisis in 20 years.

The WGA said the agreement included provisions to pay writers for work distributed over the Internet. Compensation for Internet content has been the issue halting negotiations between the WGA and studios causing the writer strikes, now in their eight week, to continue.

The strikes by 10,500 WGA members has harmed the U.S. television industry, postponing production on major motion pictures and causing fears of cancelation of Hollywood awards shows. Many writes have promised to strike outside the Golden Globes and even the Oscars if deals are not reached.

Letterman’s deal will allow The Late Show and The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, both owned by Letterman’s World Wide Pants company, to resume CBS broadcasts of new episodes beginning Wednesday. The Late Show has remained off the air, like other shows, and in reruns since November 5 as support to the writers.

This deal will give Letterman a better chance at higher ratings over rivals Jay Leno, of NBC’s The Tonight Show, and even Conan O’Brien’s Late Night show and ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. These shows plan to return the same day as The Late Show without writers.

However WGA strike rules forbid the preparation of any scripted material for shows that striking writers would normally have produced. Since other hosts do not own their shows, unlike Letterman, they will have to wait for their studios to reach separate deal with the WGA.