Hi Neely,

Sincerely,
Upset by 180, Brighton

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: You are not alone!
• 55 seconds: Don’t beat yourself up over this. And try your hardest not to overanalyze the situation. You may never know what happened and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
• 1:50: Once you get back out there and start dating again, I promise you will find someone new with whom you have amazing chemistry and you will forget all about this guy.
• 2:00: When it comes to dating – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Susan Baxter, 32, founded Hire a Boston Wingwoman in 2010.

Susan Baxter, 32, has the solution for single Boston guys looking for love: Wingwomen. Sure, you’ve got your Bud Light-guzzling, cleavage-ogling, popped collar-wearing wingman already, but isn’t the same old “you distract the less attractive friend while I talk to the hot one” routine getting a little stale? Baxter’s wingwomen get straight to the point with confidence, class, and a well-worth-it fee: the girl you’re going after.

For clients of Baxter’s company, Hire a Boston Wingwoman, it works like this: You and a wingwoman go to a bar or a lounge, or wherever you want to go to meet chicks. You scan the room, zoom in on your potential love interest, and your wingwoman goes in for the kill. It might begin with a compliment (“I love those shoes!”) or a question (“What’s your favorite drink here?”). Then, she might say something like, “This is my friend Joe; we’re looking for a bar to go after this. Do you know of anywhere good?”

“She kind of hangs around in the background once the introduction is made,” says Baxter. “If it doesn’t work out, then the client tries another woman. And if it doesn’t seem like the woman is interested, the wingwoman can pretend to be the client’s girlfriend.”

Wingwomen are better sidekicks than wingmen, Baxter says, because “Women tend to have their guards up when they go out; maybe it’s a girl’s night and they are just out for some cocktails with their friends and aren’t looking to talk to guys. Women feel less intruded upon if a woman comes up to them. They have their guards up when a man goes up and says, ‘Hey, I’m Joe, how are you ladies this evening?’ It’s old, and it’s lame, and she’s like, ‘Oh, here we go again.’”

Even better, adds Baxter, “It’s a boost of confidence to walk in to a place with a beautiful woman by your side. Girls like competition, so if they see you with an attractive woman, they’ll think you’ve got something to offer.”

So what makes a successful wingwoman? Generally, says Baxter, they are outgoing, and unafraid to approach and strike up conversation with that intimidating, hot girl you’ve got your eye on.

“You’ve gotta play the part,” she says. “You can’t go to that trendy, upscale bar if you look like you just got out of a Red Sox game; it’s gotta be realistic. But each wingwoman has a different personality. Some are bubbly and are good for clubs, and some are more intelligent and would be good for a social networking-type party. They’re attractive, outgoing, social, and willing to go up to a woman and say, ‘Hey, where’d you get your hair done? I’m looking for a new salon in the area.’”

Baxter, who has a master’s degree in applied sociology from the University of Massachusetts, started her business in September of 2010 with the knowledge that “a lot of people are shy and are intimidated to go up to people at a bar,” she says. “People tend to just stand there at the end of the bar and wait to be approached.” Plus, she was already being a wingwoman for her guy (and girl) friends, so why not make it a business?

“My ‘aha’ moment was when I was watching an episode of the ‘Tyra Banks Show,’ and a woman was on there who was a wingwoman for her friends,” says Baxter. “And I was like, ‘Wait, that’s what I do!’ The idea had spread to New York City and to Las Vegas, and I thought, why not Boston?”

Now, Hire a Boston Wingwoman employs nearly 40 wingwomen (and counting–she’s hiring!) in their 20s, 30s and 40s. The business works with about 10 clients a weekend, with many repeat clients. Fall is the busiest time of year for the company, which Baxter attributes to several factors: “In the fall, people are coming back from their vacation or their summer fling, and are looking for something more serious. The holidays are coming and they don’t want to be alone; it’s time to settle down. Plus, fall weather is cozy.”

Hiring a wingwoman costs $65 an hour, with a two hour minimum, and is $30 for every half-hour thereafter. Several testimonials on the company’s website attest that it’s worth the price: “My wingwoman focused on making connections and harnessing intuition,” says client Scott Alden. ”The method was to hang out with her, be myself and seize the moment when it was right. Women who saw that I was with her felt more comfortable around me, and I didn’t have to work as hard. I felt comfortable, too.” Michael, a client from Cambridge, writes, “I felt really comfortable after meeting the wingwoman, who introduced me to a couple of very attractive ladies.  I have already re-hired her because she was great company and made me very confident.”

There’s no guarantee that a wingwoman will help you find your future wife, of course, but who can argue with at least giving it a try? Besides, you get to be seen with a hot, confident woman by your side instead of your cologne-drenched, awkward-pick-up-line-using best friend.

Hi Neely,

Thanks for your advice!
Confused, Philadelphia, PA

Takeaway points

• 1:20 – Listen to what a man is saying. Is he telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but you’re choosing not hear him? You won’t change his mind no matter what you do.
• 3:17 – A man may like you and like spending time with you but not want to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn’t give you what you want and need, walk away, because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
• 3:48 – Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It’s okay to feel lonely.
• 4:20 – Men are in go-mode when they want to be in a relationship. They don’t give a woman scraps. They only give scraps to a woman who will let them get away with that.
• 4:45 – You can’t control how another person is going to feel.
• 5:56 – Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
• 6:10 – The sooner you stop pouring energy into someone who isn’t meeting your needs, the sooner you can devote your energy to finding someone great and who wants to be with you.
• 6:54 – When you have a real physical and emotional involvement with someone, it can be difficult to give other people a chance.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com

For some reason, Dale Ballard never clicked romantically with American women. He wasn’t well versed in Game or the timeless art of seduction – unlike these Casanovas, who have built careers out of charming the fairer sex — a skill which would have helped him make better connections, but he shunned these sorts of tactics anyway. He disliked playing games or using any kind of manipulation strategies with women. He just wanted to be himself, and for American women that didn’t seem to be good enough. Luckily for the 32-year-old from Phoenix, Arizona, he seemed to have better luck with ladies from other countries (in particular, Bosnia, Estonia, and Sweden).

When asked via our phone conversation the other week why he connected better with foreign women, he parried the question a bit, trying to appear diplomatic, perhaps betraying his real feelings about American women. But he was sure of one thing and was willing to state it on the record: Foreign women don’t play games the way American women do.

In 2008, in his search for love, Ballard joined the typical dating Web sites — Match, eHarmony, OKCupid — but was disappointed when he couldn’t find foreign women in his area. Moreover, “when you type ‘foreign women’ into Google, all you come up with is ‘mail-order brides,’” he said with a laugh. Frustrated by his experience and recognizing a need, the young entrepreneur started mulling over the idea of launching his own dating Web site to accomplish what he wasn’t able to do via the traditional sites: find foreign women locally. There’s gotta be other people that feel like me, he told himself. 

Two years went by, his idea still simmering inside his head, like a slow-cooking stew. He hadn’t taken any action but was inspired by 2010’s The Social Network to turn up the heat. Shortly thereafter, DatingMashup.com was born. With his parents’ help – their expertise in marketing, research, and information technology was crucial — Ballard was off and running.

“If you could date anyone other than an American, who would it be?” he asked me during our chat. I didn’t have an answer, but Ballard reflexively answered his own question:  ”Seventy to eighty percent of the people I’ve surveyed knew immediately. They just don’t have the resources to act on their preferences.” Ballard also added that DatingMashup.com is a great site for foreign people who move to the U.S. and are looking to find others with similar backgrounds, even if it’s for platonic purposes. Currently, the site is free, making money through advertising, but it will eventually sell e-books full of dating tips and strategies for both men and women. Since the site officially launched, in March of 2011, it has been growing steadily and continues to expand its roster of countries — currently, there are members from the U.S., Korea, China, Canada, Spain, Mexico, Indonesia, the U.K. and Japan.

So if you’re in the market for some global lovin’ or you’re an expat looking to find someone of a similar background, check out DatingMashup.com.

Special deal for Blast readers only: Don’t forget to take advantage of their 25/25 program – the first 25 people who register get a $25 gift card to over 18,000 restaurants nationwide.  Just be sure to select “Blast Magazine” when prompted by the drop-down menu to explain how you heard about the site.

Happy hunting!

courtesy of wikimedia commons

Crazy Comedienne Joan Rivers is psyched about her daughter Melissa’s new relationship…with a porn king.

TMZ reports that Melissa Rivers and Steve Hirsch are happily dating with Joan’s approval.

“He makes a great living … and he’s Jewish,” the elder Rivers told TMZ.Hirsch is the CEO of Vivid Entertainment, the company responsible for releasing the sex tapes of Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson and Kendra Wilkinson.

Rivers added that another perk of her daughter’s new XXX boyfriend is the lube discount.

“I’m 78 years old and now I get a discount on lubricant,” she exclaimed.

An email from a New York City-based investment banker admonishing a woman who never responded to his inquiry for a second date went viral last week. Facebook posts and Tweets abounded. People couldn’t fathom how one person could take so much time and expend so much energy to email a woman who simply never returned his call or text messages. A normal human being would have taken approximately 30 minutes of feeling rejected, chalked it up to experience, and moved on. But Mr. Banker guy (who might have already moved to Mexico to avoid public ridicule) couldn’t seem to let it go.

The kerfuffle over the letter was reminiscent of a similar situation another woman found herself in about a year ago.

Last March, she had a rather bizarre experience on Match.com and emailed a group of her female friends the following:

“This is one of the craziest guys I have ever met (don’t worry – didn’t meet him in person); I looked him up yesterday b/c he sent my friend a nasty ranting email when she suggested they meet for drinks instead of a phone call. He was like, you’re not good looking, i don’t like to waste gas money, etc.

So then he starting IMing me last night. I kept it going at first just to see what he would do. He was crass, full of himself and NOT funny (your joke that there are 30,000 battered women out there and all you get is a plain one is not funny – even if you put LOL after it).

So i eventually called him a douche and logged off.”

The next day, this woman woke up to the below 1,700-word rant. We’d say the letter is nuttier than the I-bankers rebuke. What say you? Also, if anyone can understand what the hell this guy is talking about, we’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

The thing your young female brain forgot… is that maybe I wasn’t interested in you to begin with. Maybe it was all in jest and for another purpose. That is actually the case. You also need to keep your youthful ego and mouth in check when talking to people much older. We’ve already been your age, when you thought you knew it all, only to realize you don’t know much at all. I don’t even think I find many people under the age of 40 very interesting, worldly , sexy or interesting at all. Celebrity or not.

So of course I know my IQ, and that i”m the CEO of my own business and that I hire people like you to be a tool for me. If you’re polite and respectful that will win you points. When you start talking all gibberish like you’re the center of the galaxy thats when it starts getting downright funny. I would say you should check your knickers there kid. Young girls your ag e are so duped and foolish that you have almost zero clue that the world has existed long before you got into your diapers. The world isn’t clearing some huge path for your egocentric goddess worship.. what your’e really doing is helping my industry (pharmaceutical) to get fat and wealthy off your neurotic gender gone off its rocker.. the largest consumer of antidepressants, and Schedule II drugs, schizoid, etc… females. But a major lanslide…

You may think you’re pretty smart. I say give it a few more years. Thats when you will realize you dug your own ditch so high you can’t get out. There will be no hands left to pull you out either. I can tell just by the way you literally think you’re childish opinion carries weight with a worldly guy who commands respect, is alpha male and laughs at the very idea you think you’re making a dent at all here when you go off with silly remarks (little more than conjencture form a fickle youthful female) that you’re way off kilter already.. . charting a course into the depths of utter futility and confusion in the future, because you’re lost already.

there is a reason I IM”d you. It wasn’t to flirt or to find you interesting. You’re a statistic in truth. You make yourself that way by virtue of what you’ve chosen to do with your time. Confirmed.

You don’t know anything about Maine. You just think you know something because you were there briefly. I know exactly where you were.. and just laughed to myself. Why are you so clueless ? Do you think maybe sometimes you’re being a bit toyed with by men and you’re totally unaware of it ? I think so.

I IM’d you because I was 100% sure that your headline was indicative of your lack of couth and manners. Within a few keystrokes it was obvious. Just a confirmation check. Just out of curiousity my dear. I’m not attracted to you physically. I don’t think you’re someone who would raise my interest level . I’m guessing you’ re pretty dull, boring and well just a kid. So it was interesting. Especially your smart alecky ways forgetting how young you are in the eyes of a more mature adult. Yes of course one has to “play along” with you. You forget its impossible for you to zip forward and gain the years of wisdom, so you can’t have a clue how you appear. Kinda silly. Especially with your boastings. At least have some years of experience as a good wife and mother before you start talking about having acheived a thing. You haven’t. Right now you’re a walking talking statistic. A Rockefeller wildchild..creation right out of the mind of Rupert Murdoch. LOL

Good luck on match. Next time I think it would be wise for you to know when to digress, when you’re outclassed, and outwitted, instead of fighting and sounding stupid like a teenage girl ranting silly insults. Come on. Go to your room !

Silly. All the college degrees in the world are not going to save the massive feminist implosion th at is now pending on the horizon. The bottom dropped out of it long ago. Empty wombs, early tombs. Thats the result. Men got wise. They aren’t going to deal with you are marry you. You’re on your own when you choose that path. Word to the wise, get used to being old gray and lonely now. That is where you’re headed. Men are not interested in a competitor favored by law, as set up by Masons, SkullnBones and their int’l banking brothers, in order to usurp humanity, and dominate every sphere of the human race. Women will not have control over their own ovaries very soon. They’re already pupetted and poisoned physically and mentally and don’t even know it. They can’t procreate and if they want to, they’re discouraged from it. A massive backlash against feminism is creating a deluge of over 40 single never married no children TE’s….

A TE is what they call the ‘goyim’. You’ll have to spend about 15 years to figure it out, reading and researching. So I’ll save u the time. “Temporary Entity”. Thats right. Thats why you are fooled and duped into what you’ve fast tracked yourself to become. Extinguished. Gone. No offspring. Population reduced. Already the birth rate is below the replacement rate and dropping fast. Some really mean spirited nasty white men from another part of the planet planned this out a long time ago. They owned all the banks. They owned all the industry. They financed all the wars and revolutions. They owned the educational system and the lawmaking bodies of most countries. The one thing they wanted to own was your womb. They got control over that thru little pills when they financed the research, and then carried it even further by financing the education of women thru books, movies, tv, secondary education. The funniest and saddest part is that women everywhere actually BELIEVE that something magical and happy is happening. In fact its quite sinister, and plays on the naivety of the female brain. As a biochemist with a 15 yr. career in industry I can say that its scientific fact the female has a smaller brain, a lower IQ in general and is very gullible, and more easily ‘trained’ , has a lower pain threshold (although lied to and told not true), and will go along in groups easily persuaded than male counterparts. Just look at Oprah. Her rise to fame isn’t accidental. Was financed. There is a reason for it. Bernie Madoff only went to jail because he stole his brotherhood’s money too. Otherwise he would have been in the clear.

If ever you want to make some sense and come into full awareness, of the world, and really gain some maturity…learn to understand the history of money, the financial history of Europe, the Masons, Templars and the Rotshchild banking system. Read Creature from Jekyll Island and the History of Money. Research the battle between the central bankers and Lincoln, Jefferson, Andrew Jackson (who abolished it in Philadelphia ), and Teddy Roosevelts battle against John D Rockefeller that l ed to anti trust laws. The Rockefeller and Ford Foundation fund feminism directly. thru ‘womens studies’ programs. They funded ‘eugenics’ and the foundation of Cold Spring Harbor Labs where Dr. Watson discovered DNA. Dr. Watson was sitting in MY office 9 years ago at (Name removed) when I was the head of (name removed) there, invited as a keynote speaker. They were not after DNA research for no particular reason..they were searching for the ‘fountain of youth’ and to control the destiny of mankind. Eugenics. Its now called “genetics”. Almost everything around you is not what you think it is. We live in a false environoment, glued together by a belief system that the bottom floor of this massive construction is secure… when its not, it never was, its always been a house of cards, stacked so high few ever dared to delve into the ground floor. The monetary system is a scam. All of humanity is literally a mind-slave indentured servant working for an elite that keeps itself in the shadows and has only its puppet figureheads in the limelight. They own your mind. They train it from the time you’re young. From TV and school systems. You’re too young to remember a time when there was little to know feminism on TV anywhere. IT was peaceful. There was alot less chaos, except for the end of the Vietnam conflict.

Next time you think you’re so smart..check yourself again. You’re living in a delusion, but you don’t know that at all. You’re actually living in the rubber room, comfy and cozy not allowed to question why you’re there and why you’re so happy to be there. You don’t realize at all that this house of cards is being stacked against you, and especially your gender. But if you opened your eyes up and saw who the man behind the curtain really is.. you would be aghast. And for the millions of single women on this site you would feel horror. Mind control is just as powerful as any standing army. When you can teach and train an entire class of population, by manipulating one gender to render itself impotent by teaching her how to behave unnaturally.. you have accomplished something tanks, planes and bombs can never do without collateral damage. Believe that in this century… the warzone is actually inside your head and they work overtime to own the gray matter you think you own by systematically programming it from dawn to dusk.

Good luck smarty pants. One day you’ll be wise. Today is not that day.

*Spelling errors not corrected

By Elizabeth Race-Moore at Emmanuel College

For many young people the idea of marriage may seem outdated and old fashioned. Perhaps it’s the “till’ death do us part” line that sends 20-something’s running. But lawmakers are now looking to make the enslavement of marriage a little less scary, and a little easier to get out of.

The idea is to create a contract between married couples that would require a marriage renewal after 10 years of marriage. After that time, couples would either agree to extend their marriage or have it dissolved. Couples wishing to get married already have to fill out their marriage license; this contract would be very similar.

The contract would also specify how to split up property, pay alimony and determine custody of children in the case that the marriage was not extended.

Photo Credit: almightydad.com

Boston’s unhitched women are warming to the idea.

“The downside of this law is that it might encourage people to jump into marriages too soon,” said Nicole Oliveira, Emmanuel College Junior.

“But at the going rate of divorce, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea.”

Political party members are not looking to speed up divorce but to give a solid chance to the marriage. On the other hand, this can help to avoid the long and complicated process that comes with a divorce.

For the younger generations starting to think about marriage, this mandatory “expiration date” could dramatically cut the rate of commitment phobia.

“I know all too many guys who will say ‘I’m never getting married’ or ‘Who wants to be with one person for the rest of your life,’” said Boston College Junior, Hannah Kavanaugh.

Maybe if more people felt they weren’t being sentenced to life at the altar, it might open their eyes to the idea of marriage. “The first ten years is like a test run, see where it goes from there.”

If you’re tired of going to places like this to meet women, then you’ve stumbled across the perfect resource.

Single women are almost always on the lookout for eligible men. Sometimes they may not appear to be interested, but inside they’re really saying, “I hope that cute guy over there breaks the ice.” While I thought the movie was pretty stupid, Will Smith nails it in the opening scene of the movie Hitch, in which he explains that women hardly ever wake up thinking, “I don’t want to be swept off my feet today.”

A male friend of mine recently commented that although he’s now in a great relationship with someone he met online he’s started to notice more the many beautiful, single women all around him. He has no interest in these women and is in love with his girlfriend, but he found it curious that once he settled down and started expanding his horizons socially by participating in different kinds of activities he enjoyed, the women started to come out of the woodwork.

So if you’re a single guy, if you’re ready for love, if you’ve decided the bar scene isn’t cutting it anymore, and if you’re looking for something a little more organic than online dating, I’ve compiled a list of unassuming spots to meet women, some of which you may scoff at but definitely places where you’ll be able to meet lots of eligible ladies who are just waiting for you to sweep them off their feet.

Of course, listing the spots is only half the battle: Putting yourself in the company of women is the first step, but the key is to know what to do when that cute, little blonde is standing next to you, twirling her hair.

For pick-up strategies, I turned to the inimitable Gareth Jones. Voted the Best New Pick Up Artist of 2010, Jones, an ABCs Of Attraction instructor for more than two years, is known worldwide as a life-changing in-field coach and as the master of phone and text game from his Text To Sex program. This guy is so smooth, he convinced a porn star to take a 45-minute, $160 cab ride over to his house in the wee hours of the morning, for, well … acts of a sexual nature. Fast forward to 6:03 for the story.

He has taught in London, Sydney, Melbourne, and has been referred to by several students as “One of the best decisions of my life.” If you’re looking to attain a James Bond level of suave, Jones is your man.

Before we get to my top picks, though, Jones had a few general pointers, in his words:

First, we want to understand the two types of ‘openers’: These are “canned” and “situational.”

Canned openers are openers that you’ve prepared beforehand. In days of yore, guys would have ‘lines’ they’d use (i.e. “Do your legs hurt because you’ve been running through my mind all day.”). Nowadays, we tend to lean towards more interactive conversation openers that aren’t so cheesy. This is best formed with any kind of question to get her engaged, such as, “Hey, quick question, is it O.K. to wear jeans to a wedding?” (Neely’s note: No, it isn’t, unless it’s this kind of a wedding.) For some, these seem forced and can get a guy stuck in his head, but we’ve all been in that situation where we’ve either frozen up or simply couldn’t think of anything to say, so we know how important it is to be prepared. I always tell people to have at least one engaging opener prepared so we don’t lose the girl of our dreams on account of a brain fart.

Situational openers are just that: A question or statement composed off the cuff about an element in the current situation. Maybe this is a question about what kind of coffee she’s purchased or a comment about the long line you two are suffering in. A situational opener is unpracticed and spontaneous. A lot of guys find these quite difficult (especially when they start thinking they need to be witty to win a girl over right away), but undoubtedly, they give off a much more natural vibe, which is always preferable. It’s in this category that direct openers fall. They are one of the most genuine and, therefore, powerful openers. You are simply showing direct interest in a way that is true to you, so the actual words always vary. It may be something as specific as, “I absolutely love the way you’ve matched your shoes to your nail polish. Was that on purpose?” Or something as simple as, “I had to come over here and tell you I think you’re stunning. My name’s Gareth.”

Now that we’ve understood the forms with which we can engage, let’s look at some of the most important elements of actually talking to a girl.

The first, and, to me, the most important aspect of beginning a conversation with a stranger is, undoubtedly, the smile. Guys are always trying to be the “cool” guy that gets the chicks. More often than not, this comes off as really cold or, sometimes, downright frightening. When we smile at a woman it makes her feel good and shows her that we’re confident, friendly, and not up to no-good (don’t ever use no double negatives).

Another really important element of the approach is engaging her. One of the huge problems guys have when approaching women using a direct opener is that they simply compliment her and expect her to carry the conversation. Imagine a homeless man coming up to you and saying, “I like your shoes.” You’d say, “Thanks,” and try to get away as quickly as possible. That’s essentially what she’s going to do (unless she happens to be physically attracted to you, but that’s another story), so we’re going to need a way to engage her. This is as simple as asking a question. Whether it be a canned opener (which usually is a question in itself) or a situational opener, I make sure I follow up my initial line with something that will engage her. The strength of the nail polish compliment above comes from my interest in whether she chose to match or if it was an accident. I’m not putting an undue weight on her with a compliment that she’s expected to return, I simply happen to be complimenting her while I ask about her style.

Once we’ve shown her that we’re friendly and we’ve engaged her in the conversation, we can take it practically anywhere we want (which is up to your game). For the spots Neely’s chosen, I’ve added a list of “If I were here … I might say this … .”

1. Cultural centers

Neely: In Boston, for instance, the French Cultural Center is sure to turn up some intellectual, attractive ladies. In fact, I know it does: My boyfriend volunteers there, and when I went to visit him once at an event, I was bombarded by several young beauties. Find a cultural center in your city that meshes with your geographical sensibilities, and you may just find a great date.

Jones: Any cultural center almost certainly presupposes common interest, so a conversation is easy to start with something like, “I’ve always wanted to learn to speak French and I’m really glad to finally have the time. What brings you here?”

2. Open art studios

Neely: Women flock to open art shows. There’s just something about dim lighting, free wine, and aesthetic beauty that really gets our juices flowing.

Jones: If art is your interest, a studio is a great place to meet someone of similar passion; if it’s not, it’s a great place to meet someone you can learn from. “I know I shouldn’t, but I always tend to pick a favorite when I’m in a gallery. You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.”

3.Clothing events

Neely: If you don’t know yet that women could shop all day long, every day, then you apparently haven’t been living on planet Earth or have been too busy playing Modern Warfare on your Xbox to notice. There’s a gazillion clothing events (trunks shows, store promotions, openings, fashion shows, etc.) going on in your city, so get your ass there – the ladies will be plentiful.

Jones:Fashion events are great places for fashion forward people to meet, but make sure you’re dressed to the nines! “This collection is phenomenal. Do you know who the designer is?”

4. Salsa classes

Neely: My friend and three of her girlfriends signed up for salsa classes with Boston Center for Adult Education hoping to meet men there. When they showed up, there were five other attractive women and one 78-year-old man named Gene. Here: I’ll make it easy for you Boston gentlemen.

Jones: Dance classes are such a great way to meet and interact with women and they practically beg you to talk to other people. Say something as simple as, “Do you have a partner tonight?” Also, try not to say this in a seductive way while winking a bunch. I mean, you can, but let’s take it slow for now.

5. Dog park

Neely: An old boyfriend of mine had what I would consider the most awesome dog ever. When he had to go out of town his good friend was more than happy to take the dog for a few days, because that meant he could take him to the dog park to meet women. Just think about how women love to gather around a cute pooch (I’d stay away from the grey-hound, furless types and opt for the you’re-so-cute-I-just-want-to->stand-here-all-day-and-pet-you-which-is-perfect-so-my-owner-can-hit-on-you types). Of course, it’s possible the dog thing could backfire on you, like in this pee-your-pants hilarious movie clip from The Lonely Guy, but I doubt it. Note: If only Steve Martin knew what to say when all those ladies were crowded around his pup. Jones to the rescue!

Jones: Whenever there are animals playing, people are usually in a great mood. I’ve met so many women out playing with my friends’ dogs and it’s always incredibly easy to strike up conversations with a simple compliment and follow-up. “I think a happy dog says something about its owner. Is she/he always this playful?”

6. Jogging club

Neely: Do you know how many great women I know who join these groups? A lot. Plus, when you’re sweating your pheromones are at their finest, which will allow her to sniff you out in all your perspiratory glory.

Jones: It completely escapes me why anyone would join a jogging club, but it’s another common interest that is sure to be a perfect opener. I might say, “That was a great route. Do you have a favorite area you love to run through?”

7. Yoga/Pilates

Neely: Again, a breeding ground for the ladies, and no doubt in-shape ones. Plus you get to stare at their … yoga pants. C’mon, boys, get your mind out of the gutter! Jeez!

Jones: Of this list, definitely my favorite. At yoga, it’s going to be 90% women and they’re all going to be fit and motivated. Maybe I’ll say, “I’ve never been here before, but I like the vibe. Have you been coming here long?”

8. Volunteer at an animal shelter

Neely: I know several young gals who help out at pet shelters. What better way to meet someone who has a shared love of animals and a great heart?

Jones: I’m pretty sure all you have to do to meet women while you’re volunteering at a pet shelter is to be well dressed and walk up to her, stick out your hand and say, “Hi. I’m Gareth. I’m the type of guy that volunteers at pet shelters” and it’ll be a go, but just in case it’s not, I might simply tell a woman, “I admire people that you have time to give back to the community. What brings you here?”

9. Volunteer at a political campaign

Neely: Couples who have drastically different political viewpoints have it tough. You’re almost certain to meet someone of the same mindset, with the same values, if you meet them while volunteering for a political campaign. No more counting down the dates until you can bring up the fact that you are the proud owner of an NRA membership, or that you’re favorite hero is that fat slob of a filmmaker Michael Moore, because you already know you won’t offend the other with your political leanings. And trust me: The campaign parties and social gatherings are teeming with single women.

Jones: Politics are always tricky when first meeting people, but if you’re meeting someone that’s volunteering for the same campaign you are, it might be a little less hazardous. How about, “Isn’t it nice to be in a place where you can meet someone and know your political views will line up?”

Jones concluded by saying: “As always, remember that a big smile and solid eye contact are super important. Relax, be present in the interaction, and LISTEN!”

Which has always been my biggest advice to men: If you can listen (and listen well – good eye contact, active gestures, etc.), we are putty in your hands.

Good luck, boys!

Siggy Flicker (Media cedit/VH1)

Move over Patti Stanger: There’s a new matchmaker on the scene. No, this isn’t some feeble attempt to pay homage to the greatest maker of matches of all time: the inimitable Charles Nelson Reilly, may he rest in peace. (Dear God that man was a genius.) I’m referring, of course, to Siggy Flicker, VH1’s newest star of Why Am I Still Single?!, airing on Sundays at 9 p.m. Flicker, who the Village Voice referred to as “a hyper mix of Teri Hatcher and Sandra Bullock,” has spent years — 20, to be exact – creating a successful matchmaking business, recently gaining the attention of VH1 executives perhaps inclined to knock Stanger off her throne. With help from her team of “recruiters” (Victor, Chynna and Hayley) and stylists (the Moxie Twins, Jenn and Jamie Dunn), Flicker’s goal on the show is to help men and women find real love by helping them discover what they’re doing wrong so they can break the habits and behaviors that are keeping them single.

Flicker’s an interesting character, the type of woman you’d want as a best friend but who also might be slightly overwhelming at times. A fellow member of the tribe, she talks a mile a minute, hints of her Jersey accent peeking through occasionally, with a passion that’s clearly a prerequisite for those working in the matchmaking industry. Flicker and I caught up on the phone recently to discuss the show, her background, and the answer to that million dollar question: Why are you still single?

Like her passion for life and love, Flicker’s personal back story lends itself well to the business: After her first marriage with the supposed “perfect man” ended due to lack of chemistry, Flicker, two children to her credit, grabbed her proverbial bootstraps and put herself back into the challenging world of dating, determined to find a man with whom she had a real connection. Find that man she did: He’s a “bald, used car salesman,” Flicker says proudly and matter-of-factly. Together for six years and tying the knot next spring, Flicker feels fortunate that she abandoned the checklist because it led her to Michael ultimately. “For years, finding a mate was about making everyone else happy, dating the lawyer, the doctor, etc., but you can’t guarantee chemistry. I met Michael and fell madly in love.”

Flicker can thus relate to people’s dating struggles and that’s what makes her so appealing, both in her business as a matchmaker and a character on reality TV. “I know what it’s like to be out there starting over, but I also practiced what I currently preach,” says Flicker. She adds: “I could have stayed with my ex-husband, but I changed my attitude and got out with class and dignity and went searching for true chemistry.”

Attitude, contends Flicker, is what it’s all about. And finally, we get to the crux of the matter: The main reason people who don’t want to be single are still single is their attitudes. “Singles need to change their attitudes in life, they need to not have unrealistic expectations about people, and they can’t look at dating as a chore or burden,” opines Flicker. “This is not Iraq, for God’s sake, you aren’t losing your legs!”

Flicker also has some strong opinions about her more famous matchmaking counterpart Patti Stanger. “This is not Millionaire Matchmaker,” she says. “My show is not about money. I observe clients on dates to uncover their faulty patterns and help them understand what they are doing, and help them to find true chemistry.”

Flicker also practices in her business what she preaches to her clients: Finding the right fit. That’s why she turned down a slew of reality TV show offers before her current show on VH1, because they weren’t the right fit. “VH1 got it right,” says Flicker, maintaining for the umpteenth time that “it’s all about the chemistry.”

Flicker makes some great points, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t chime in on the discussion; after all, I’m one of the dating and relationship columnists for this magazine. I, Neely Steinberg, can offer you a simple explanation as to why you are still single … in eight parts (which reminds me of a great scene from Back to School, starring Rodney Dangerfield):

1. You really do want to be single. Case closed.
2. Because your actions don’t match your words. Refer to the ‘Know Thyself’ bullet point in my piece on the Kim Kardashian divorce for further explanation. Essentially, though, you are saying you don’t want to be single, but your actions in your love life prove otherwise (i.e. only dating unavailable men, etc.).
3. You really do want to be in a relationship, but:
1. Your standards are too high or low.
2. Your expectations are too high or low.
3. You are pursuing people with qualities that you want, without considering the qualities that you may actually need. In other words, you have this idea of what your perfect mate looks like; in reality, though, this type of person would be completely incompatible with you. For example, a Type A woman wanting to be with a Type A man. She may think she wants to be with someone powerful and in control, but she’d probably be better off with a man who displays more Beta qualities.
4. You haven’t taken an honest self-evaluation, physically speaking. I have said before (in this piece) that while you absolutely need to be physically attracted to your mate, relationships should never be based primarily on looks. But, if you’re a 5, the chances that you’re going to land a 10 are less than if you pursued, say, a 7. Moreover, studies have shown that men and women typically end up with someone of a similar degree of attractiveness. Just look at couples around you to prove this theory. Note: the two exceptions to this are if you’re a rich and/or famous male, or you are a Game aficionado, like Neil Strauss.
5. You don’t love yourself enough or you love yourself too much. If you have no respect or love for yourself, how can you expect another human being to love you? If you have an overly inflated ego, it’s likely you’re always after the next best thing. Note: IT DOESN’T EXIST.
6. You are stuck in your ways and unwilling to compromise. A study from 2009 found that the optimal time for marriage is between 24 and 26 – a marital sweet spot, if you will. I actually disagree: Statistically speaking, the divorce rate goes down for those marrying after 30. But the study does make a salient point: The older we get, the more stuck in our ways we become, the less willing we are to compromise. Which is why the study says that 24-26 is ideal: It’s the time in your life when you are not too fixed in your habits and behaviors (and maybe not yet jaded by life) but also mature enough to handle commitment and all that comes along with marriage. Something to consider.
7. You’re lazy. Love isn’t going to magically fall into your lap; you’re not going to be rescued by Prince Charming. I understand the wisdom behind the axiom that if you don’t go looking for love it will find you, but to an extent I disagree. You have to be active in your pursuit of love. Not desperate but active. For instance, you may be averse to online dating, but why not give it a shot? What do you have to lose? My mother always said: “Neel, you’re not going to meet anyone lying on your couch.” She was right. Sometimes you have to push yourself a little bit, even when you’re disheartened about the dating process.
8. You don’t make enough time for your love life. I get it: We’re all busy nowadays with work, hobbies, friends, etc. But if you really do want a relationship, you have to make time for dating.

I could go on, but eight is enough. I am interested to hear your thoughts in the comments section below. Why are you still single? Why do you think others (your friends, family members, etc.) are still single? I look forward to hearing from you!

After graduating from college in … oh never mind, I moved immediately to Boston. Over the last several years, I’ve come to know the area quite well and have been on my fair share of urban adventures, one of which had me dancing with people who smelled really bad. Given my many experiences gallivanting around the city, I could probably rattle off a bunch of great date spots, but I thought it would be way more fun to ask a man who has made a job out of scouring every inch of Beantown and beyond; a man who, like George Costanza, probably knows the location of every public bathroom in the city (the city of Boston, that is). That man is Tom O’Keefe, also known as the Boston Tweet Guy.

A serial entrepreneur, O’Keefe started Boston Tweet in November 2008 as “a way to create awareness for local business when the economy was descending into a recession.” He tweets daily about news, events, food and drinks that he believes are of interest to 20- and 30-somethings living in the city. (Read more about his life as a perma-tweeter in this interview). O’Keefe now has over 41,000 followers; currently, I have 149, and I’m extremely jealous. But I reached out to him, anyway (because jealousy is a an evil emotion that can make us do really mean things, like when you’re 12 and you tell your friend’s boyfriend that she said he was a bad kisser because, well, she did but mostly because you’re jealous he’s into her and not you and you’re tired of making out with the mirror and your pillow), to ask for his expert opinion on great date spots around the Hub.

In no particular order, here are the Top 10 Best Date Spots, according to Tom O’Keefe:

The Boston Public Garden

The Public Garden is the first public botanical garden in the United States and it continues to be the most beautiful place in Boston. The Public Garden is the perfect date spot – it’s romantic, beautiful, and free. You’ll score bonus points if you can rattle off the names of more than three types of flowers currently in bloom – I never get past tulips. After you impress your date with your floricultural knowledge, take a stroll over to the Frosty Ice Cream Truck (Arlington and Boylston) for a cone or a stop at the Parish Cafe for a bite.

• Neely’s  note: I’ll pay you $100 (in Monopoly money, which, as it happens, is the official currency of Occupy Boston) if you can tell me the name of the sculptor who is both related to me and has a statue in the Garden. Hint: the sculptor is a woman and her name rhymes with Lashka Taeff. Leave your guesses in the comments section below.
• Another note from Yours Truly: You might want to save this date spot for a day when flowers are actually in bloom. But the Parish Café is delicious no matter what time of year. Try the Zuni Roll – delectable!

Tour Fenway Park

Everybody loves Fenway Park and now that the Sox won’t be back until 2012 you can take a tour of the park every day, on the hour, from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m.

Tasty Burger

If you build up an appetite on your Fenway Park tour then lucky for you: Tasty Burger is behind the park serving delicious and extremely affordable burgers in an old converted garage – which means it’s just as casual as Fenway Park.

SoWa Sundays

If you’re never been to a SoWa Sunday then you’re missing out on a great afternoon of food trucks, vintage items, food markets, music and tons of locally made crafts that you never knew you needed. A SoWa Sunday is a great casual date for those who want to enjoy being outside while looking at melted beer bottles and eating the occasional grilled cheese sandwich from Roxy’s.

Picco

Beer, pizza and ice cream. What else could you ask for on a date? Picco is one of my favorite spots in the South End because it’s casual, affordable, the pizza is great, the craft beer is plentiful, and they also specialize in ice cream.

Craft Beer

If you want to impress your date with your knowledge of craft beer then a visit to the Publick House (Washington Square), Meadhall (Kendall Square) and/or Lord Hobo in Inman Square are perfect spots for “beer geeks on a date.” Combined, the three bars have hundreds of taps, even more bottles, and enough ABVs to relax your nerves.

Go For a Walk

One of the things I love most about Boston is that it’s a walkable city. You can walk from the Back Bay to Beacon Hill to the North End, and even Cambridge, within a few hours. Go for a walk, enjoy the conversation, and along the way you’ll discover some new neighborhoods, restaurants, and cafes.

MFA

The MFA is hands down my favorite museum in Boston and the perfect place to spend the day admiring works of art almost as beautiful as your date. If you’re a student, then you’re date is free! The MFA’s University Membership Program offers free admission to college students who attend college in the Boston area.

The Abbey – Washington Square, Brookline

The Abbey is that perfect date restaurant. The food is amazing, the atmosphere is dimly lit by candlelight, the service is impeccable and Emack & Bolio’s is next door for that required “first date ice cream cone.”

The North End

I personally don’t think you can go wrong with any restaurant in the North End but a few of my favorites are Bricco, Cantina Italiana and Lucca. After dinner take a walk over to Caffe Vittoria on Hanover Street to enjoy an after dinner drink and an amazing chocolate mousse cake.

• Neely’s note: I’ll pay you $250 in Monopoly money and give you my title deed for Marvin Gardens if you can find a very skinny house in the North End that was built out of spite. Yes, that’s right: spite.

Are you an expert on a topic related to dating/sex/love/relationships? Want to submit an “According To … ” list and see it published in Blast Magazine? Email me at: neelysteinberg@gmail.com.

Thomas Edwards tells me that I’m beautiful, smart and intimidating. So, naturally, I like the guy.

It’s a good thing, too, because likability, charm and confidence are vital to his career. Edwards’ job as "The Professional Wingman" is to guide his clients to a happy and healthy social life or relationship — and he’s good at it. He can’t help it. The second I hit the stop button on my recorder, he effortlessly slides into asking me questions about my own love life … and I begin to divulge the secrets my best friend doesn’t even know. "I’m only telling you this," I hear myself say, "because you’re a professional."

And professional he is. He is 24 and already he owns a successful business, and he’s doing what he loves.

"I’m not in it for the business, I’m in it to help other people," Edwards said. "It just happened. It wasn’t like I raised my hand in class and told my teacher that I wanted to be a (dating) coach."

Curiously, Edwards’ story isn’t much different from a date doctor you may be more familiar with — Will Smith’s character in the popular romantic comedy, “Hitch.” After being cheated on and dumped in college, Edwards wondered what he was doing wrong. He wanted to make himself more attractive and appealing to women so he could hurry up and find "the one." Being the disciplined hard worker that he is, Edward’s spent his time researching what makes people engaging and efficient. He eventually started a blog about his life, but it was his musings on dating and relationships that really sparked an interest in people. A career was born.

Edwards appears to have all the qualities you want in someone guiding one of the most important aspects of your life. He’s handsome, intelligent and funny. He’s charming in a way that makes you want to hang out with him, even if it does come with a hefty price tag. He’s stylish and he knows the Boston singles scene like no one else. I met him at MiniBar in the Copley Square Hotel, the ultra-suave lounge/bar were he meets his clients. He even knew what to order — the mini Kobe beef burgers were his delicious suggestion.

On top of all this, he is a sensitive guy who can charm you stupid while shoving a burger down his throat (in a very gentlemanly way).

"I do it because I have been there. I know what it’s like to think that you’re giving everything to someone that’s really special to you and losing that," Edwards said. "I want people to feel empowered. I want people to feel confident, and I want people to feel as though they can get someone they know that they truly deserve."

In his quest to find you someone you truly deserve, Edwards will meet you for a free consultation where he will begin by questioning you about the history of your love life. "It’s not about the path that lies in front of you, it’s the path that’s behind you," he said.

Edwards has worked with 50 clients, but turns down the ones who are just looking to get laid.

"I’m all about people who want to improve their lives and improve their lives with someone that they want to spend a significant amount of their time with,” he said, “You don’t really benefit from having 24 hour relationships.”

But, for those of you wondering (and I know you are), he does touch on the topic of sex with his clients. He talks about what makes you sexually attractive, as well as how to create a mood that will induce sexual arousal. But after that, he just says no.

"I can only teach so much. After a certain point, you’re kind of on your own. I can’t really do that part for you."

But there’s a lot he can do, according to Ben Margolis, one of Edwards’ clients.

"Everything he says is simple and optimistic,” said the 26-year-old software developer. “There are no routines that he has you memorize; instead he boosts your confidence and makes you realize how to think.”

And it works.

"Thomas changed me for the better. I can walk up to anyone without fearing an awkward situation," Margolis said. "With women, I used to be a hopeless romantic, always trying to impress her with stuff. Now I know that I’m the catch."

Margolis initially hired Edwards for one night out to see if he was the real deal. "My first interaction was a fail since I committed the crime of doing the one two punch of asking ‘how are you doing’ and ‘where you guys from?’ People don’t go out to be interviewed! The temperature went down to 10 degrees so I had to leave the women," said Ben.

But his next move was better. "Thomas coached me right there and convinced me to use less questions and talk about myself; naturally the partners in conversation will talk about themselves. A few minutes later, he left me alone again and I ended up approaching again, this time comparing my taste in cocktails with two women, which was far more successful."

Although Margolis has yet to find Ms. Right, he’s built confidence and plans to continue working with Edwards.

Edwards, on the other hand, has found his perfect woman. "We’re pretty devoted to one another. I am totally crazy about her. And it took me a while for me to find that person that I could honestly say could be the one," he swooned.

They’ve been together for three months.

"I am a hopeless romantic, believe me. My sister will even call me a sap because I care so much and I’m so loving," Edwards said.

Once his clients are in a relationship of their own, they often still seek out Edwards’ advice. "My whole theory is: once you get the girl, you gotta know how to keep her," he said.

Attached guys ask what they should buy their girlfriends for Christmas and how to deal when things are moving too fast.

"Women would read Cosmo to find out great, interesting ways to keep their men sexually aroused — what’s the difference with me giving advice of what would be a great gift idea?" he asked.

Speaking of women, Edwards does coach a few. So far he’s worked with three, but women do make up about 40 percent of his requests for service.

"More and more women have been recently approaching me, asking me about the service. But they just tend to take longer with pulling the trigger," he joked.

For women out there who want to know what advice Edwards would give them, I picked his brain for a good hour. He’s overflowing with tips and tricks for both sexes, so guys, you listen up too.

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For the ladies

Tip 1: Guys are lazy and nervous. Don’t give them extra work — make yourself approachable when you’re out.

"You’re at the bar, your back is turned, and he knows you’re absolutely gorgeous, there’s no chance in hell he’s gonna walk all the way over here, through a crowded place to approach you because it’s too much. It’s too much buildup to that moment," said Edwards. He suggests making yourself open and receptive. Sit somewhere that allows you to look around, like in the corner. Don’t sit with your back to the room or in the middle of a crowd of girlfriends.

Tip 2: This one is an oldie, but Edwards stresses that it works. "Be a little flirtatious," he said. Touch his shoulder or arm. "It shows you want to break the physical barrier and he’ll know he can touch you back."

Tip 3: Play hard to get — a little. "In any beginning stage of a relationship, there needs to be a cat and mouse chase because as a woman, you want to make sure a guy is worth it," Edwards said.

Tip 4: If he’s just not that into you, move on. "When it comes down to it, if a guy is interested in you, he will make it known."

For the fellas

Tip 1: "It’s all about effort." Period.

Tip 2: "You don’t need a pick up line to start conversations with women," said Edwards. "All you have to do is say, ‘Hi, I’m insert your name here.’" But, he warns, it won’t work every time.

Tip 3: Don’t be afraid to approach a woman you like, no matter how hot she is. "If you like her let her know. Women like confidence."

Tip 4: If you’re not looking for a committed relationship, be honest about it. Women appreciate it and might be looking for the same thing. Said Edwards, "I don’t know why guys go through all these round-about ways to get there when there’s a straight line."

Now, ladies and gents, Edwards has some oh-so-helpful tips when it comes to a problem all Boston singles face: where can I meet people?

For you young party animals, Edwards quickly lists off the best bars for flirting: MiniBar, Vox, Alibi, places with Happy Hour appetizers, Match on Thursdays (Ladies’ Night), the Financial District between 4 .p.m and 7 p.m. (to meet successful professionals), Rumba, Houston’s, restaurant bars like Legal Seafoods and places that have specials, such as wing night, like The Draft in Allston. Whew.

However, Edwards agrees that it can be hard to meet your next serious relationship when your fourth cocktail has you drunk texting your exes. "Use the whole day," said Edwards.

Be aware when you’re doing everyday activities like grocery shopping, waiting in line at the bank, or even walking down the street.

"Being social doesn’t mean going to bars or going out at night. Being social is having a personality that allows you to interact with other people. And you can be social 24/7. That’s the great thing about it," he said. "You gotta figure out a way to put yourself out there. Being shy is no longer an excuse."

Use your hobbies and things you like to do to meet people with similar interests. Go to wine tastings, go ice skating on the Frog Pond, head to events on the Common. Take cooking classes, yoga classes, salsa lessons, or rock climbing classes.

Great advice, but remember: "One time is not going to turn everything around. It’s gonna take several hundred times."

Edwards’ honesty is one of the many things that make him successful. Margolis would argue that it’s Edwards’ charisma that made him the number one wingman. "Look at the last few elections and you can’t help but realize how much charisma means to people. If John Kerry or Al Gore were more in touch with the American people they might have won the elections. Bill Clinton and George W. were the kind of guys you’d imagine being belly up to a bar with," said Margolis, whose bellied up to the bar with Edwards on many occasions.

"He’s actually a man of few words, and that makes people want to get stories out of him. He’s one of those rare people that can draw out the good parts of the others around him."

And that’s why he does it. Edwards just wants to help people find the love they deserve, but he knows he’s just a facilitator. In reality, it’s up to you to find your own happiness.

Asks Edwards, "How bad do you want it? How far are you willing to go to make it happen for you?"

Special thanks to Vox Populi for being the backdrop of the Blast cover photoshoot.

NEWTON — My grandpa’s second wife passed away last winter, and our family was surprised to hear rumors this fall that he already had a new special lady in his life. Although he calls her his "friend" and encourages us to refer to her as his "companion," it is clear they are dating. Their coming out as a couple seemed quiet—a shared pastrami sandwich in the back of his Buick while my aunt chauffeured—but caused a stir worthy of something much more scandalous. The gossip spread through our family. One generation (his kids) disapproved, while the next (grandkids) were simply amused and surprised.

My grandpa is not the only one looking for another chance at love. Elders across the U.S. are finding love late in life and paving the way for aging daters in generations to come. Setting out to examine the dating scene in the 65+ crowd, Blast visited local retirement homes, interviewed an online dating expert, and asked family, friends and complete strangers what they thought about elderly dating.

Senior citizens are dating for many reasons, and it has only recently become so easy — older folks in America have more interaction with their peers than ever before. With baby boomers close to retirement and communities made up of record-setting numbers of senior citizens, the elderly’s concerns are being addressed by American society. One growing industry is retirement communities, which offer a vibrant social scene for seniors.

With an age group concentrated in one place — residents sleep, eat, exercise, and socialize under the same roof — retirement homes are like college campuses, or as one woman told me, living there is like being on an endless cruise. They often have elaborate dinner dances and cafeterias that are modeled after restaurants. So in these communities, even if residents stay inside their homes, they are interacting with people their age. There’s no lack of available singles: Elana Kieffer, who works at NewBridge on the Charles, in Dedham, estimates the married to widowed ratio is about 50/50.

Many retirement communities are classy and luxurious.  If community gardens, bocce courts, and the gym aren’t exciting enough to spur interaction, resident-led clubs provide another opportunity. Book clubs, bridge, and mahjong are all great ways to meet other elders. When I asked one woman whether she knew any gossip, she replied matter of factly, "No, because I don’t play bridge."

In these communities, even if residents stay in for the night, they are interacting with peers. I visited Linden Ponds in Hingham on a Thursday night, and dined in the largest restaurant on campus, which was completely full at 6 p.m. Residents sat in couples or groups, and most often in groups of couples. Eating partnerships are a big deal and define relationships. Jenny’s* friends told me she has a boyfriend, but when I asked about him she explained that her husband died 20 years ago and said, "I’m not a twosome anymore."

"What about you and Gill?" her friend prodded.

"Not this week! Usually on Thursdays we have supper together, but he didn’t call."

Margaret, a 93-year-old woman who is almost completely deaf, has a companion named Don. Although she can read lips very well, Margaret didn’t seem to understand what I meant when I asked if she had a boyfriend. Jennie tried to help me out, enunciating the question, "What is your friend’s name?"

"Which one is that?" Margaret asked.

"The one that has supper with you occasionally."

"You mean a man?" Margaret nodded, and spelled his name for me, but waved her hand, signaling that she wasn’t going to divulge any details.

At 6:45 p.m. everyone finished their decaf coffee and dessert and rushed out to get seats for a concert that was being held in the theater downstairs. There was a bit of chaos and a few walker jams. I chatted with the few groups of people who were playing games instead of attending the concert. A woman named Irene was hunched over a jigsaw puzzle while her boyfriend, Bill, watched. When I introduced myself and asked whether they were a couple, they refused to answer; Irene said she had laryngitis and couldn’t talk, and Bill was stern and protective.

Luckily, I caught up with a group of people playing canasta behind them who gave me the scoop. They said Irene spends hours doing puzzles. At first, Bill would just sit and watch her. Then one day he brought her flowers, and eventually they started going dancing together and were a couple. Although they each still have their own apartment, one of the canasta players said, "He’s roaming around in shorts at night, she’s holding his hand. He just lost his wife!"

***

In addition to the community atmosphere that retirement communities provide, technology has vastly widened the possibilities for elderly singles everywhere. With online dating being such a new medium, there is still room to grow. Increasingly, dating sites are popping up that specialize in an older crowd. Erika Moore, an online dating specialist, says, "People still want to connect no matter what age they are." Though Moore says many older people are overwhelmed by the skills needed to create a dating profile, she suggests enlisting a younger friend or grandchild to help, and says it is a fun and rewarding project. She tells seniors to put up a flattering, recent photo. However, she also said that since most people lie about their age, it is okay to fib by five years or so in order to even the playing field.

On Match.com, as you build your ideal date, you can specify your partner’s body type, whether they have kids still living at home, and the exact age range. Behind the computer screen, most senior citizens see themselves as "slightly overweight" but are looking for partners with "athletic" body types. Even within the 65+ age group, singles online confirm common stereotypes—most women are looking for rich men and most men are looking for younger women. When I was chatting with Jennie and her friends, I told them about my grandfather and his younger girlfriend. "She’s in her 60s and he’s 85?" Joe said. "That’s nothing, at this age it doesn’t mean much."

"But it might mean something to the family!" his wife, Marilyn, said.

Some single seniors are set up by their children. My boyfriend’s grandfather reluctantly agreed to a blind date his youngest son arranged. The plan was to pick his date up and go out for coffee at the local senior center. He didn’t intend to sit at the same table as his date, since the men tend to sit together, the women sit together, and there is a "couples" table that he wasn’t yet ready for. He rang the doorbell and was a bit relieved when nobody answered. He left, got coffee on his own, and tried the doorbell one more time on his way home. When "the old bag" came to the door at his second attempt, they took one look at each other and agreed to call the whole thing off.

***

As is true with younger singles, there are major differences between how men and women approach dating. Although many elderly women are dating, often there isn’t the same urgency as with older men.

John Cassidy, a 68-year-old who has been married three times, said it was love at first sight when he met his current wife. "I wasn’t looking for love, but she was the best thing that ever happened to me." His tone changed, however, when he spoke about his mother who recently died at the age of 97. When asked whether she dated after his father passed away, Cassidy was appalled. "No—she lost her best buddy."

In the 2000 Council of Aging study, 18% of elderly men and as many as 23% of women complained of loneliness. "Elderly women whose husbands died, they were the loves of their lives," Kieffer said. "They’re not dating. Their attitude is, it’s time to move on, live my life alone. Plenty of men in that generation don’t know how to take care of themselves. It’s a hell of a lot easier [for men]. There’s a widowers’ club. There’s so many more widows." A 2007-2008 census report confirms this, showing that while there are as many men as women between the ages of 25 and 35, among people 85 or older, women make up two-thirds of the age group.

Jennie said when she was at the dining room the other night, she ran into a married man named George. "He says to me, ‘You’re getting younger every day.’ I thought that was a compliment."

"He was putting a hit on you, wasn’t he?" her friend said.

"Boy, he’s on the prowl," another friend chimed in.

They said men are a precious few at Linden Ponds, and when a new widower moves in everyone places bets to see how long he will stay "free." Jennie had a different perspective than Kieffer. She said, "Of the three women that I had dinner with last night, two of them, they had asked each other, ‘have you found anyone yet?’ They’re always after the men, the poor men."

***

And what about sex? Viagra certainly changes the game. A 2008 article in London’s Sunday Times claims three-quarters of respondents of a survey agree with the statement, "sex does not become boring as you age." Additionally, the article points out that among people 65 and older, sexually transmitted infections have tripled in the past six years.

Although grandparents having sex is not something the people I met talked about, it is a subject that is becoming less taboo in pop culture. A recent episode of “Grey’s Anatomy,” for example, featured an elderly man getting a penile implant to cure his erectile dysfunction.

While the elderly have a reputation for being opposed to change, in the case of older folks dating, it is the younger generation that is uncomfortable with the idea. All of the elderly people I met said they avoided telling their families that they were dating. Forget about the complications of a child whose parents get divorced and move on in other relationships—we are now seeing our parents and grandparents dating after 50 years of marriage.

Elana Kieffer’s grandmother started dating less than a year after her husband died. It isn’t easy for families to accept the fact that their parents and grandparents are dating so soon after the loss of a loved one, but the simple fact is they don’t have much time to waste. Kieffer’s grandmother met her boyfriend at a grieving group, and her family didn’t support the relationship. Not only did her kids feel she betrayed their father by dating someone else, but they were hurt by the fact that she was spending all her time with her new boyfriend. "It was pretty traumatic, she was like a teenager in love," Kieffer said. "But when she got cancer he was with her every step of the way."

Marilyn at Linden Ponds told me about a man who moved into her building with his wife. "His wife died, and within two months he was with going with another gal and he ended up marrying her. A few months later, she died, and now he’s going with somebody else!" she said.

One man’s wife knew she was dying so she picked two women for her husband to choose from for a companion when she was gone. After she passed away he started dating one of the women she had pre-approved, and now they are constantly seen around Linden Ponds walking arm and arm. As Joe told me, "Love is in bloom here.”

***

My grandpa knows we’ve all been talking, and he recently emailed me about his love life. They seem to be getting serious; since she is rather soft-spoken he had his hearing aids adjusted in order to improve communication. He wrote to me: "My new lady may or may not be in my life—I’m not at all sure at this stage of the game. There is quite a disparity in our ages and we are having our difficulties — I admit that I do like her." A week later, things seemed to have progressed. "My friend Barbara and I are enjoying each other most of the time and having misunderstandings part of the time—usually instigated by my actions—but I do like her a lot and hope you meet her soon."

I’m sick of being winked at.

Not so much in person, but online. Almost on a daily basis, I’m winked at on adam4adam, a gay dating and hookup website. On there, winking is the equivalent of "poking" someone on Facebook except ten times worse. Instead of actually sending a message, users have the option to merely express an interest. Let me rephrase that — a sexual interest.

Recently, a user  named gloryhole333 "winked," "smiled," and then "unlocked" his pictures for me after I refused to respond. If John Keats or Jane Austen were alive today, I’m sure they would have never dreamed of Internet dating or the concept of "unlocking" pictures. They were too busy writing love letters to each other. I don’t think Jane Austen could have handled seeing gloryhole333′s twelve-inch penis. I know I couldn’t.

In the gay online dating world, communication has become increasingly limited to these technological forms of intimacy. Not all gay men live in metropolitan areas, and those who don’t are reduced to using such methods for conversation, sex or even a long term relationship. But there has to be a better way for gay men to communicate with one another than digital reach-arounds.

Websites like manhunt.net and adam4adam.com offer these extra features on their websites to help users connect with each other and find the perfect mate. But these digital forms of intimacy have hurt and not helped gay men establish bonds of intimacy with one another in the online dating community.

Of course gay men could use the for-pay dating website match.com where users are able to send email-type messages back and forth to one another for a nominal fee each month. But most gay men don’t have that kind of patience. They want instant feedback. They want an instant reassurance of their intentions. They want instant sex.

A poke or a wink can avoid a tiresome conversation. You know, one that might include what the man’s job is, where he went to school, or even his name. Many gay men who use adam4adam.com and manhunt.net on a daily basis view these technological forms of intimacy as simply a means to an end. And while the online dating world is not going away anytime soon, it is frightening how this form of communication is becoming more and more acceptable in the gay dating community.

But there are the few remaining romantics left out there who do send actual messages on adam4adam.com and manhunt.net. These messages usually consist of the following lines:

"You lookin’?"

"Wanna hookup?"

"Would love to fuck you right now!"

Keats couldn’t have said it more plainly.

Ever since the existence of the "poke," this form of communication has become socially acceptable between gay men. It’s useless to get rid of websites like manhunt.net and adam4adam.com. Men will always be horny. They will always want sex. But for God’s sake guys, quit poking. Quit unlocking pictures of your dicks. I don’t care how long it is. It says nothing about who you are as a person. Send a message with substance. Be a man. Without that, we’re simply animals.

Have you found the perfect online dating site yet? Let us know in the comments section.

Love triangles. Desperate women. Desperate men. Lots of tears. It sounds more fitting for 3 p.m. on ABC, but it all comes together on the screen in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” a fictional story based on a non-fiction advice book “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

Let me save you two hours: If you’re a single guy (me) you’re going to come out of this movie feeling hopeless (though why you’d go see this movie, I do not know). If you’re a single girl, you’ll come out of this movie with a rejuvenated sense of hope. If you’re gay, you’ll just laugh (the gay angle makes more sense after you see the movie). And if you’re a guy in a relationship going to see this movie with your girlfriend, you’re not going to get any that night.

Try to absorb all this:

The movie opens on Gigi, (Ginnifer Goodwin) a desperately single woman who goes out with greasy real estate agent Conor (Kevin Connolly). Conor never calls Gigi after their first date, but Gigi sits by the phone hoping beyond hope that he’ll call. She eventually decides to “casually stroll into” Conor’s usual bar hangout where she meets bar manager Alex (Justin Long — the Mac guy) who takes poor Gigi under his wing, explaining, deftly and darkly, the true nature of guy-girl interactions.

Queue Ben (Bradley Cooper) and Janine (Jennifer Connelly), the token married couple in the film. They are pouring their yuppie dollars into renovating brownstone when Ben gets tempted by a yoga instructor-come-singer named Anna (Scarlett Johansson). Conor is in love with Anna, and they are technically dating, but Anna treats Conor like a best friend — ergo, she doesn’t screw him anymore. Anna gets bad advice from her best friend Mary (Drew Barrymore) who works in advertising sales for a gay lifestyle magazine. Anna decides to pursue the married Ben.

Then we have Neil (Ben Affleck) and Beth (Jennifer Aniston) who have been together for seven years but aren’t married, despite Beth’s desire and the fact that all her sisters are already married off. Neil is Ben’s best friend.

Finally, Mary is struggling with her own pseudo-single-ness, dealing with guys that text message, web chat, and MySpace her instead of call. Facebook would have made the movie seem less “2005.”

The whole shtick takes place in modern Baltimore, and it’s nice to see a city besides New York and Los Angeles portrayed.

The movie has an undoubtedly all-star cast. Affleck and Aniston seem like elder statesmen, and each give strong performances. In many ways, this is a break out film for both Justin Long and Ginnifer Goodwin. “He’s Just Not That Into You” was the #1 movie Friday night, with more than $10.5 million coming in at the box office.

Goodwin was (albeit purposefully) a little annoying, and Long seems to try just a bit too hard to sell his character as a chick magnet, but it’s obvious as the baton gets passed to these two young stars and that we have more to expect from them down the line.

The movie was full of “awwww’s” and hateful hisses from the largely female audience which really got emotionally invested in the film. It was a bit too long at 2:10, but that’s not surprising considering how many stories the ending had to tie up.

Scarlett Johansson plays a skank surprisingly well and comes off particularly sexy, even for her, and especially considering the shockingly wholesome temperature of the entire movie.

It’s a total chick flick, and “He’s Just Not That Into You” isn’t a movie made to please critics.

Playing to its base it does well.

The following, before the ###, is a statement released by Elle Macpherson through a publicist Monday.

LONDON, /PRNewswire/ –‚ ‚  Miss Macpherson emphatically denies that there is any romantic association between her and Mr Brian Burgess.

Miss Macpherson is disappointed her friendship with Mr Burgess has been so casually misrepresented for commercial sensationalism. Furthermore Miss Macpherson has a reasonable expectation of privacy in relation to her personal life; in the absence of a romantic element, the publication of the photograph and the innuendo created by it is a gross interference of Miss Macpherson’s rights.

Miss Macpherson is aware of Mr Burgess’s past conduct and also that Mr Burgess has and continues to take significant steps towards restoring his life.

Any continued misrepresentation or invasion of privacy is likely to be the subject of legal proceedings.”

Source: Alexander Carter-Silk, Speechly Bircham

###

Burgess, 56, is a British businessman and a reported convicted drug smuggler. European tabloids have been pumping up a possible relationship since a photo emerged of the pair together.