D3 Publishers side-scrolling, sarcastic, kind-of-hates-himself Matt Hazard returns to the Xbox 360 in their Xbox Live Arcade game, Matt Hazard: Blood Bath and Beyond. The game costs 1200 Microsoft points, and is available for download. Many of us (or at least a few of us) remember Matt from the October 2008 release of Eat Lead: the Return of Matt Hazard, a third-person shooter similar in style to that of Gears of War. Even fewer of us remember him from his original side-scrolling arcade games.

Much like its predecessor, Blood Bath does an excellent job of satirizing the gaming culture of the next-gen, poking fun at countless genres, even pointing out that you can find Eat Lead in the bargain bin at your local retail store. ("Budget cuts, bad reviews… but that’s besides the point." claims your command buddy right at the beginning of the game.) While the writing is charming, there isn’t much story to be found; essentially you’re thrown into a side-scrolling shoot em’ up with the threat of having your past-self be deleted by your nemesis, Neutronov. D3 cuts out voice acting and replaces it with standard text boxes, so unfortunately, Neil Patrick Harris and Will Arnett won’t be repeating their performances from Eat Lead. Unfortunately Blood Bath never quite takes full advantage of the parodies that it creates throughout the game, and the player is left with one-liners that never actually go anywhere.

Graphically, Blood Bath is well-made for an arcade game. 3-D character design and levels make this game pop, and the gore that will amass on your screen as you plow down wave after wave of enemies is incredibly satisfying. You are rewarded for killing enemies with showers of blood. Smooth and polished, Blood Bath’s art style stands out from other 3-D and 2-D side-scrollers. D3 offers 8-levels of walking left to right while spraying bullets in random directions until you hit something. Eventually, the gameplay gets repetitive, but between levels there are different bosses that you will face to break the monotony. But once those battles are over… back to the horde. What D3 does do for this okay 1-player game is the addition of 2-player co-op, which is definitely one of its stronger selling points. Because lets admit it; blood baths are more fun with friends and 2-player has been around since Contra.

Here's Matt Hazard, accidentrally trapped in Wii's de Blob

Mechanically, the controls all work generally the way they should. However, there are tedious occurrences that happen far too often during play. Matt can jump, shoot, throw grenades, and even shoot into the background at approaching enemies, but what he can’t do is stop and shoot. A lot of the enemies you face are above you, and you have to jump and maneuver up and down obstacles to progress through the level. More often than naught, Matt would aim his gun up to attack… and then run into death water. Or cannon fire. Or a spiked wall. Or a piranha. Yeah, you get the drift. It gets almost impossible in the harder difficulties to actual control your fire, especially because of the amount of enemies that are thrown at you. But if facing a challenge is appealing to you, these harder modes will definitely present one.

[Editor's Note] You can stop to shoot if you hold down the right bumper, which allows you to fire at a 360 degree angle while stationary.

Blast Factor: Regular story mode lasts from 2-4 hours, but there is always second run-throughs with your friends waiting to happen. With a little more effort and focus, this game could have been a lot cooler, and ultimately a lot more fun to play. Unfortunately for Matt Hazard, his second appearance seems about as lack-luster as his first, but hey, he really is trying his hardest to stay alive.

Matt Hazard: Blood Bath and Beyond is available for the XBLA and PSN at a cost of $15 or 1200 Microsoft Points. A copy of this game was given to us by the publisher for reviewing purposes.

The Onechanbara series finally makes it debut on the Wii with its new entry Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers. Although this new entry from publisher D3 was released in conjunction with Bikini Samurai Squad for the Xbox 360, this Wii entry attempts to set it apart form all its other console entries by being built up and designed for the Wii’s unique controls. There will not be many button presses here to slice up your zombie woes; just hand swipes and thrusts to keep these zombie hordes at bay.

The game premise is straightforward. There are scantily clad women with swords who must slice up zombies in Tokyo while their bodies slowly become drenched in zombie blood. If you are attempting to look for any deeper meaning, don’t bother. This series’ origins began as budget titles in Japan; through the years, it has continued to grow adding a slew of new features along the way as the games became more popular.

At first glance this game may seem openly sexist with a simple concept of using the Wii remote as a sword. However with the Wii gaming library severely lacking in the action games department, Bikini Squad Slayers may be just a taste of what Wii owners have been looking for; especially when Bikini Zombie Slayers is priced for $29.99. A little over half the price of a full game sounds a lot more tempting than paying up to $49.99 for the latest mini-game collection. But let us venture forth and see how much game you can get out of $29.99 that involves slaying zombies.

A lot of time, effort and Wii processing power were placed in the character models. The environments may be bland and linear but the main characters, zombies not included, look smooth and detailed. From the tribal tattoo on Aya’s lower back, to the noticeable constant breast jiggle physics placed upon all the females and to the alternate outfits you can have them all wear, you notice where the staff was more focused while creating this game.

The game features four separate story lines to play through each with its one main heroine and several more outfits to unlock and dress your character in. Completing both main character’s storylines will unlock two other character story lines to play. The outfits do nothing to change gameplay, but do satisfy your desire to alter how much (or how little) clothing you want your character to be wearing as you play.

The first two main stories involve the main female protagonist Aya, and her little sister, Saki either trying to protect the other, or protect themselves from those after Saki. All character stories are told through voice narration accompanied with slow scrolling text, or very sparsely used short in game cutscenes. It is important to note that there are no English spoken words though out the whole game with the exception of the intro song. The dialogue is all in its native Japanese. This game has only been given the bare bones translation from its original release in Japan as well.

Regardless of all its simplicity, the main attraction of Bikini Squad Slayers is when you combine swordplay and the Wii remote and nunchuck. This is where all the fun goes to and will leave you giddy for more zombie massacres.‚  There are four characters you can play each with there own unique fighting styles and weapons. Each character actually has two different fighting stances that add variety to you moves.

The main protagonist Aya, the one with the cowboy hat, by default has one sword out and one sword sheathed. The Wii Remote is swung to slice with her sword and the Nunchuck can be shaken to send out a swift kick. Accurate swings produce combos that slice up all the zombies in your way, and you can even finish up your combos with a fun sword lunge straight through the zombie.

The premise for Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is incredibly simple: sexy, bikini-clad girls slaughter a huge number of zombies. The game, from D3 publishers, is exclusively for the Xbox 360, and was released in conjunction with Bikini Zombie Slayers on the Wii. The gameplay, while diverting at times, is exactly what your low expectations would predict, if not worse.

Through a series of text expositions accompanied by Japanese voice-overs, and very few cut-scenes, you piece together the pretty straightforward story: the protagonists-a mostly naked woman, Aya, and her little sister, Saki-possess a special kind of blood, Baneful Blood, that an organization, called The Organization, wants because it gives people superpowers. The best way to go about getting this blood, apparently, is to fill the city with zombies.

Of course, you don’t really care why there is zombie slaying, you just want to get to it, and while the game may be seriously lacking in many areas, zombie killing is not one of them. There is something immensely satisfying in simply pressing a few buttons and watching a legion of undead literally torn to shreds in front of you. Even more so when it’s done by a bikini-clad supermodel assassin. There are times in this game when the hallways in front of you are literally crammed full of shotgun-toting undead, a few of which may be on fire, and you just tear through them with grace, ease, and a little unrealistic bouncing.

Aya and Saki both wield samurai swords, which easily slice through the endless waves of zombie assailants, though a “clean sword” function does mean that you have to pay some attention to what you’re doing. An unclean sword deals less damage, and can get even get stuck in a zombie torso, so every dozen kills or so, you essentially have to reload your sword. There are combo modifiers, which allow you to release wide-range “ecstasy attacks” after a certain number of kills in a row, or send you into rampage mode, which increases damage, but depletes life. A third playable character is Anna, the blond, also-scantily-clad police officer, who uses hand guns, shotguns, Uzis and grenades for a little welcome variation.

Typically in the single player campaign, two of the three characters are available to the player per level, and tag out in the middle of a fight. This allows for some minimal strategizing: Anna is better at ranged attacks, for example, but you’ll want a sword for close-quarters combat.

And yes, because I know you’re wondering, you can dress them up. Or down. There are “dress up” and “view” modes on the main menu, so you can play around with and ogle your characters’ costumes. However, new costume options are only available after specific achievements are unlocked, so costume alteration is really geared towards the more serious bikini-genre gamers out there.

An added little bonus is the charming 8-bit quality mini-game that pops up during the load screens, in which you play a tiny bikini samurai and can slaughter adorable little zombies that make sounds like chickens when they die.

Beyond that, though, the game kind of falls apart.

The zombies are many, and their designs and weapons more varied than I was honestly expecting (some zombies have hand saws, some have miniguns), but there’s never anything to them that really forces you to alter your strategy, not that you could if you wanted to. Sure, there are a few variations on the standard sword slash, like you can slash standing up, or slash while jumping, or…the others will come to me, but the game is lacking a few notable functions like, for example, a way to defend yourself.

There is no actual way to block any incoming attack other than not being in its way to begin with. The only way to stave off potential damage is to kill everything in sight before it has a chance to move. A good offense is the only defense. It’s less of a problem with the slow, dumb zombies, but in the boss battles, of which there are many, you can get frequently trapped in a seemingly endless enemy combo with no way to escape taking damage.

The co-op mode does take the intense edge off of the boss battles, and allows for communal sharing in the glee that is zombie massacre, but is not without its problems. The game is clearly meant to be a single player experience, and having a second player on hand doesn’t compliment the gameplay so much as just cut the fun in half. The screen splits vertically, rather than the now traditional horizontal, which allows for a full view of the lovely protagonists, but severely limits the range of vision for people actually trying to find zombies to kill.

Furthermore, there are levels where co-op just isn’t an option. Occasionally, in the story, the protagonists are separated from each other, and you can only play through the ensuing levels as one or the other character. In single player mode, this is motivation to diversify the usage of your characters to keep their levels up, but in co-op it is an abrupt end to the fun for whoever is player two. The story is nowhere near good enough to warrant the sacrifice in gameplay.

A further quick list of grievances includes:

The eccentric targeting system, which is really only necessary when using Anna, targets less what the camera is centered on and more whatever the hell it feels like.

Rampage mode, which depletes your life and can only be turned off by, and I’m not kidding, statues of the Virgin Mary, of which there are only three in the entire game. The only other way to avoid dying once in rampage mode is to finish whatever level you are currently playing.

The level maps almost seem intentionally confusing, with many paths leading to dead ends or other whole map sections irrelevant to progressing through the level, with no indication of what direction you should be going. You signed up to kill zombies, not to get lost in a sewer. To make matters worse, several levels are played on the same map.

The motorcycle level, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is possibly the least involved video game level ever conceived. Aya hops on a motorcycle and drives in a straight line for a couple hundred feet, slashing at a some zombies wolves while in transit. ‚ The only thing necessary to pass the level is to hold the “go” button and mash the “sword” button. You don’t even need to use the joystick. Pong is a more stimulating game, for heaven’s sake.

To be fair, nobody expected a lot from any game called Bikini Samurai Squad, and nitpicking isn’t going to help anything. While this veritable cavalcade of glitches makes for frustrating gameplay at times, it ultimately doesn’t impede the amount of zombies, blood, or bikinis. However, the $39.99 asking price is still too much for the shoddy gaming experience. Onechanbara isn’t something you want hanging out in your gamer library, corrupting the innocence of your more impressionable games, but it might be fun for a night of drunken gaming if you have Gamefly or see it in a bargain bin somewhere.