Warning: Oh Crave Entertainment … I’m so sorry. This a complete rant. I’m glad you put Pinochle into your game, but you failed to account for house rules. And Pinochle players take their game very seriously.

Normally, the chance to play Pinochle on my PlayStation would make me jump up and down and recommend the game no matter what the shortcomings.

But no. They messed up the rules.

Well clearly the integration with the PlayStation 2 Eye Toy and challenging others over broadband would just be awesome.

But no. I don’t think anyone actually owns the game.

Then, surely a challenging computer opponent and feisty computer teammate would result in hours of addictive entertainment in your game package, which includes Spades, Hearts, Rummy, bridge, Crazy 8′s and 10 kinds of Solitaire, right? No, no, NO, god dammit, NO.

How on Earth do you muck up CARDS? CARDS? It’s one of the most basic principles of video games. People have been doing it in computer games forever, and I have been reviewing card games since I was 13 years old. (The awful, awful writing is evident.)

Pinochle. It is my family game. I’ve been playing it since I was 4 years old, and I’m escatic to see it in a PlayStation 2 video game, but there are just two problems. The first problem is that the artificial intelligence is not intelligent, usually just throwing out cards without much strategy. And forget about online play.

Second of all, the rules are different and can’t be changed. Yes, I know there are more house rules and family rules in Pinochle than Monopoly, but I play a pretty standard (I think) game. Min. bid is 150, single deck, no passing cards, no auction bidding. In some games, I’ve seen players use two decks and teams pass cards around, but I’ve only seen card passing with double deck.

In World Championship Cards, bidding starts at 15 instead of 150, (manageable) and four cards get passed between the teammates who take the bid (stupid). Still, it’s Pinochle getting some sort of commercial recognition. I think it should be an Olympic sport, personally, or at least on ESPN with million-dollar tournaments.

Here’s the bottom line before I shut myself up finally. The AI isn’t smart, some of the rules are different, like no jokers in the game spades, but there’s enough of a variety to potentially justify spending the $7 that Amazon’s sellers are asking for the game. That is, of course, if you need another video card game product. Of course you do.

The latest trend going through the game industry sees developers playing the nostalgia card. Rather than merely cashing in on the latest Hollywood blockbusters, gamers have seen their favorite movies from year’s past given the digital treatment.

The possibilities seem endless — swim the ocean in search of unaware swimmers in Jaws, carry out mob rule as the newest member of The Corleone Family in The Godfather Game, feed ham to Tina in Napoleon Dynamite.

Wait — What?

Yes, there is a Napoleon Dynamite game and yes, it’s weird. The game supposedly takes place after the events of the movie, but is essentially a rehash of the source material with a bit of extra thrown in to expand gameplay. You play Napoleon as he wanders through town interacting with characters from the movie through a series of minigames that range from fun and quirky to head-scathingly frustrating and everything in between.

You’ve already played Napoleon Dynamite: The Game even if you’ve never even touched the cartridge. Most of the mini-games (especially those at the beginning of the game) are mere rehashes of other games. Most of them can also be found on lesser platforms like cell-phones and online flash properties.

Many of the games feel like they aren’t very well planned out — especially those which require you to control multiple characters at the same time, essentially leaving your fate in the game’s seemingly absent artificial intelligence. The AI isn’t good — take for example the mini-game "Uncle Rico’s Football Toss." Your only goal, as the name suggests, is to throw the football further than your Uncle Rico. On a few of my attempts, the ball landed nearly 400 yards away — pretty decent right? Yeah, until the computer controlled Uncle Rico managed to bounce the ball off of every bundle of firecrackers and trampoline (which send the ball even farther). Lame.

That’s not to say that there’s nothing fun here. In fact, some of the mini-games are quite addictive and fun. Try not to crack a smile as you control Napoleon Dynamite as he rides a unicorn through space. After each game, you are scored and given a rating, like most games part of the fun is trying to beat the records your — or anyone else on the system has set.

The developers must be commended on their bold and refreshing visual style choice. Abandoning the realism from the movie, the folks over at 7 Studios chose to take more of a scrapbook style, making the characters look like cutouts with big heads tacked onto the backgrounds complete with pushpins. This novel style evokes the same style seen in the posters and oddly enough, it better conveys the quirkiness in the film.

Napoleon Dynamite isn’t meant to be a game-of-the-year candidate. It’s merely meant to be a fun and quirky distraction, which it succeeds at. As a licensed game, Napoleon Dynamite is a cut above the rest, but as a game itself, it’s nothing special.

Quick hits:

Publisher: Crave Entertainment
Developer: 7 Studios Entertainment
Platform: DS/PSP
Genre: Mini-game collection
Players: 1 (DS) 1-2 (PSP)
Launch Date: October 23, 2007

Playability: 3 out of 5 stars
Learning Curve: 2 out of 5 stars
Sound: 1 out of 5 stars
Graphics: 3 out of 5 stars
Overall: 2 out of 5 stars