I had such hopes for this movie. Really, I did. I thought, hey, something big and silly and infused with self-awareness. Perhaps Jon Favreau is the new pastiche-king, the new Tarantino, the new master of male-centric camp! Perhaps the steampunk aliens want to blow up lots of hastily constructed Western town sets! Wouldn’t that be lovely?

It sure would have been. Which is why it’s so disappointing that “Cowboys and Aliens” doesn’t fail because it’s too stupid, it fails because it tries to be too smart. Enamored with its concept, it riddles the writing, the cast, and the entire design with Western and sci-fi film cliché and in the end topples under the weight of its own over-confidence.

There are six- count ‘em- six writers who worked on this movie. And for what? The story is a Man With No Name (Daniel Craig) who wakes up in the desert with a bizarre mechanism strapped to his arm and no memory of who he is. He wanders back to a town that is literally called Absolution, complete with a meek bartender/doctor (Sam Rockwell), a preacher-man with a salty mouth (Clancy Brown, and the most likeable character in the bunch) and the local wealthy cattle rancher (Harrison Ford). No Name discovers that he’s a criminal named Jake, but before the feds can cart him away, the town is attacked by mysterious flying machines that steal people away using- really- steel lassos. The only person who seems to know anything about them is the mysterious Ella (Olivia Wilde) who seems to think “mysterious” can be conveyed by gaping your mouth open like a fish and staring at the sky.

The movie isn’t poor technically- in terms of camera work, editing, and styling it’s perfectly competent. Favreau makes excellent use of the natural scenery and everyone looks terrific, lit so the details on the spurs and prairie dresses glimmer as brightly as Craig’s pretty, pretty blue eyes. And the “Iron Man” director has a serious pop-culture literacy, which I suppose counts for something.

But somewhere along the way the writers decided that just making a Western blended with a B-sci-fi flick wasn’t enough. They had to throw in an adorable child, an adorable mutt, father/son relationship pathology and fierce yet noble Native Americans who can cure amnesia with chanting. They throw this all in, and the kitchen sink too, but include not an ounce of irony, fun or good humor. Somewhere along the way someone started taking this movie seriously, which basically killed it where it stood.

The one moment of clarity comes when they discover the reason of the aliens’ attack on Earth (spoiler ahead.).

They love gooooolllllddddd!

I’m serious. They want gold. And there is a much-needed release when Ford, scowling through his leather-mitt face, looks incredulously at Craig and exclaims, “Gold?! Well what are they going to do- buy something?!!” The line is much funnier than it has any right to be, because it’s the first time in the whole movie that someone stands up and says, “This whole concept is insane! Why are we acting so dour? For God’s sake can someone just take in for a second that this movie is called ‘Cowboys and Aliens’?!”

But then the moment passes, and there’s a weirdly bloodless action scene between the aliens and the cowboys, and Olivia Wilde sacrifices herself for the greater good, and all is well in the town named Absolution, where the Man With No Name finds…oh, whatever. But I wonder what would have happened if one of the 500 writers on this project wrote that line, and then had an epiphany. What if they went back and re-wrote the script the way it should have been written: with joy and madness and a keen love for the bizarre? “Cowboys and Aliens” could have been sort of wonderful, a masterpiece of insanity. Instead of reaching for the stars, Favreau and his team decided to stay down-to-Earth. That was the biggest mistake of all.

“V” is a hit. There’s no doubt. As far as science fiction on network television goes, it’s primed to be the most successful one we’ve seen, maybe ever.

Therefore, in good network television form, ABC is doing everything it can to totally screw it up.

According to ABC, 14.3 million people watched Tuesday’s series premiere of “V,” which challenged CBS and the current No. 1 show in America, “NCIS” in the Tuesday night ratings battle. In fact, “V” had the best debut of the 2009-10 fall television season.

It’s all gravy so far.

But ABC has decided only to air four episodes this fall. It will hold the remaining episodes for March — March — until after the NBC Winter Olympics coverage. Also, news came recently that the producers, who made “V” the ratings and popular success it is, are departing the show. “Chuck” executive producer Scott Rosenbaum will join the series as executive producer and showrunner, to pick up production, which was halted for what ABC called a “creative hiatus.”

ABC only filmed the fourth episode of “V” a few weeks ago, and the show will not go back into production — they won’t film the rest of the episodes — until January.

I have no explanation for any of this. Usually if a show debuts with the best ratings of the season you leave it alone and let the magic happen. This move reeks of no uncertain lack of confidence on ABC’s part.

One of the most anticipated shows of the fall season premieres tonight when “V” opens up on ABC at 8 p.m. The show is about aliens who come to Earth under the auspices of benevolence — curing disease, etc. — but what are there true motives?

The World Series is off tonight as it returns to New York for game six, so you can expect everything to be watching “V” tonight. “NCIS” and “NCIS Los Angeles” are also on, on CBS.

The other premiere we’ll mention tonight is “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover,” which starts at 10 on Bravo. We’re so happy for Tabatha, who gave an interview with Blast shortly before her disappointing exit from “Shear Genius.”

In other news, TNT cut a deal with Warner Bros. Television to obtain NBC’s canceled “Southland.” The cable network will have exclusive rights to the 13 episodes, which includes seven unaired episodes. It will air on TNT on Tuesdays at 10 p.m. starting in January.

G4 will renew “Human Wrecking Balls,” for a second season starting November 11 at 8 p.m. The show, with the daredevil Pumphrey brothers who wreck things like helicopters and gas stations. So grab your Cheeze-Its and cola, all you hyperactive nerds, and tune into G4 for shit getting destroyed.

FOX announced that the Charles Logan character will be back on “24,” as actor Gregory Itzin is back for season eight, which starts January 17 at 9 p.m. and continues a two-night, hour-hour opener the next night at 8.

Variety reported that executive producers Ian Sander and Kim Moses have three possibly big projects in the works for ABC. In “Jane and Dick,” an all-female law firm has all sorts of fun and drama. “Police Surgeon,” is about a female cop in Chicago who’s also a doctor. Clever name. Finally, in “Ghost World,” (the duo also does “Ghost Whisperer on CBS) an female homicide detective in New York solves cases with the help of a male ghost who also needs to find out how he lived and died.

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio will join USA’s “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” as the new captain, replacing Eric Bogosian.

SAN DIEGO — The reboot of the 1984 miniseries “V” saw its pilot episode screened at Comic-Con International Wednesday evening to a crowd of several thousand attendees eager for the always anticipated Preview Night. Screened alongside the pilot for freshman series “Human Target” and “Vampire Diaries,” “V” was a standout thanks to its particularly solid cast.

Starring Elizabeth Mitchell (familiar as Juliet from “LOST” — and BLAST will be doing its best to get that question answered, by the way), Alan Tudyk (“Firefly,” “Dollhouse”), Morena Baccarin (“Firefly”) Morris Chestnut (“Boyz N the Hood”), and Scott Wolf (“Party of Five”).

Beware of Spoilers Beyond This Point

The pilot opens with sprawling overhead shots of cities with the provocative tag-lines: “Where were you when JFK was shot?” “Where were you on 9/11?” Then it finishes with “Where were you today?”

Shortly after, the sudden arrival of hovering alien motherships over Earth’s major cities triggers panic until the beautiful, otherworldly, and human-looking “Anna” (Baccarin) appears projected on the bellies of the massive ships (which are not as well rendered nor as cool-looking as the Galactica) and delivers a message. In gist, it’s “We come in peace” mixed in with “hey, Earth has something we need, but don’t worry we’ll be best friends with you and cure cancer and then be on our merry way.”

That certainly bodes well, doesn’t it?

We fast forward a few weeks to a point where humanity has largely welcomed and become enthralled with the “visitors” (“V”). This is the part that doesn’t ring quite true, even in context of this being a show about alien invasion. If giant alien spaceships that demonstrate clear superiority and just happen to electronically disable human jets that approach it, it seems difficult to believe that humanity as a whole would be, like, just so totally super excited to be, BFFs.

Thankfully, there are a few characters here and there who feel the same way. One of them is a doubting priest (Joel Gretsch) who questions the Vatican’s official position on the Vs (“we are all God’s creatures”) as well as one of his parishioners who staggers into the church, bleeding to death and begging the priest to deliver a package to a secret meeting.

Meanwhile Elizabeth Mitchell’s character, Erica Evans, is an FBI agent working with Alan Tudyk to uncover some kind of “sleeper cell” in a plot line that is very random and very unexplained. The lack of exposition is saved by the charismatic Dale Maddox, played by the always excellent Alan Tudyk (whose first appearance on screen prompted the biggest cheer of the night — Comic-Con is the natural environment for “Firefly” fans, after all).

The story moves along as V spokesman and leader apparent “Anna” encounters a middle-echelon broadcast reporter played by Scott Wolf. He asks her as she enters the UN if all the Vs are babes and she replies with, “You’re not so bad yourself.” The positive press coverage on her sense of humor inspires “Anna” in a very Big Brother-esque scene to announce to one of the other V’s that she chooses Wolf’s character Chad Decker to interview her.

One of the first hints of the Vs’ nefarious plots is revealed a few minutes before the interview is to take place. In short, Anna instructs Decker to ask only questions that cast a positive light on the visitors. When he tells her that it’s not a journalist’s job to spin, she threatens to cancel the interview and seduces the reporter with the promise of career advancement should he do as she asks. Decker casts away his scruples and relents.

The final act of the pilot culminates in Erica and Dale’s investigation leading them to some kind of warehouse. Erica enters first and discovers an anti-V rally, led by one guy who makes some very good points. He suggests that the Vs are reptilian-like creatures that cloned humans so as to appear human and asserts that the Vs’ reveal of themselves to Earthlings was merely the last stage in their plan to conquer the world.

Erica asks for proof and the doubting priest comes forward, bearing the bloody message given to him by his parishioner. Inside are photos of a mysterious terrorist suspect that Erica has been investigating and who she hasn’t been able to attach to any name or any of the many forged passports they found at a crime scene earlier. Just as the group of skeptics begin to put the pieces together — specifically that the man in the photograph is a V — they are attacked.

Shockingly, among these attackers is Dale Maddox, who tries to kill Erica until she manages to strike his head with a bar and discovers that the claim of the reptilian-like aliens wearing human skin is in fact the case.

The pilot ends with Erica and the priest, who both managed to survive the attack, realizing that they now need to form a resistance.

So what’s the verdict?

The potential for true drama and intrigue is definitely there. The interplay and politics of the Vs’ relationship with characters like Chad Decker and Erica’s V-obsessed teenage son could certainly be interesting and the gradual reveal of the Vs’ true intentions make for a promising story.

The bad?

For the most part the writing was predictable at best and flat at worst. Several of the characters suffer from LOST-imitation-itis, which is to say that the writers are clearly attempting to create a diverse ensemble each with a interesting to-be-revealed backstories but unfortunately fall short. Characters like Erica Evans’ son, the priest, Ryan Nichols (Morris Chestnut) are all plagued with dull and familiar dialogue (a possible exception being Nichols, who is at the end revealed as a “traitor” V, an alien who fights on the side of the humans) that serves to make them feel like filler characters.

On the other end, of course, is Morena Baccarin’s fantastic performance as “Anna.” She is unsettling and somehow nonthreatening at the same time. Creepy, yet pleasant. On the whole Baccarin is the standout performer and her character Anna is certainly one of the most intriguing and unique characters on the show.

Visually, the show is clearly a pilot — the CGI shots are uninspiring. The cinematography, on the other hand, was nicely done and on the whole the pilot was edited superbly. There were many moments of great storyline juxtaposition and parallels that really contributed a lot to the sense that there is a lot of story to be told with this premise.

In all, it earns a B rating. Certainly intriguing but ultimately hampered by its lackluster plotting and general predictability. Despite that, though, it is absolutely worth a try when it arrives on screen later this year.

What is the best Fourth of July film of all time? Easy: “Independence Day.” What better way to celebrate our nation’s birth than by an alien invasion? What other way to show the true sense of the American spirit than with a global threat?

Seems like Funny or Die thought so too. Check out this shout-out to the sci-fi classic below, and happy Fourth of July from Blast!