Hi Neely,

Best,
Escalating

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways:

• 15 seconds: It’s important to think about your love life and what you want, but in this situation you are overthinking things!
• 1:16: When you think too much in these situations, you come off as rehearsed and awkward.
• 1:38: You don’t want to end up in the friend zone, though, so there a few simple things to consider. Tune in to find out more!
• 1:40: How can you use touch to your advantage in this type of situation? Tune in.
• 2:20: An easy NLP technique that builds rapport. Find out what it is!
• 3:04: Work on eliminating the belief that you’re just a friend zone kind of guy. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy unless you end the belief.
• 3:35: How to observe a woman’s body language and know how to proceed to build sexual energy.
• 4:05: Don’t second guess yourself.
• 4:18: Practice, practice, practice!

Hi Neely,

Wondering in the Bay Area

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takwaways:

• 41 seconds: You can’t get emotionally invested in someone you meet through email on an online dating site. Why? Tune in to hear more.
• 1:07: What are women (and maybe men too) really good at doing that they shouldn’t do when it comes to online dating.
• 1:19: How many emails should be exchanged before you meet up for the first time? Remember the goal of online dating is to meet up IN PERSON!
• 1:54: Why do people do online dating? It’s not always to find a relationship. Remember that.
• 2:17: Just because someone emails you or asks for your number doesn’t mean he/she will call you. Actions speak louder than words.
• 2:44: Why does a person who you meet online ask for your number and then vanish? And what to do about it.
• 3:10: Don’t analyze, get emotionally attached to anyone you’re emailing with, and please don’t take the fact that he/she never called personally.

This week’s videos are based on a comment we received in last week’s MP4 Love #14.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Tune in to the male perspective below – this week featuring J.T. Tran, Master Pick-up Artist at ABCs of Attraction. But first:

Takeaways

1:15: Learn about techniques from J.T. Tran and other dating coaches/PUAs and practice as much as you can – it’s a form of exposure therapy.

2:35: Tune in here for new ways of thinking about yourself and self-confidence.

2:40: Confidence is a belief you have about yourself – tune in for more on this.

3:10: When events happen, we form meanings about them and ourselves, and from these meanings we create beliefs about ourselves, which become self-fulfilling prophecies. Tune in for more on this and my example.

3:59: A possible truth isn’t necessarily THE truth.

4:11: Events don’t have meanings other than the ones YOU attach to them.

Hi Neely,

Short guy, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Now tune in to the male perspective – this week featuring James Michael Sama; www.limitlesslifestyle.com.

Hi Neely,

Dating older woman, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 30 seconds: Congrats on falling in love! It’s the best feeling in the world, but I understand why you’re conflicted.
• 48 seconds: Tip #1 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about choices and responsibility in this kind of a situation.
• 1:15: Tip #2 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about having a conversation with her about why you’re conflicted.
• 1:40: Tip #3 – My advice on how to look at your feelings and how to go from there.
• 2:25: Tip #4 – What you may (or may not) be feeling 6 months down the road and how that may change your perspective.
• 2:50: Tip #5 – Tune in to hear what I have to say about making compromises in relationships and how to decide if this is the road you want to or don’t want to take.

Hi Neely,

I started Match.com about 6 months ago. For the last three months I’ve been dating a guy who I met on the site. I really like him but we haven’t had any sort of relationship talk yet. I’m not really sure where I stand. I hid my profile, because I really don’t want to see anyone else, but I’ve noticed his is still up and he checks in frequently – I can’t help but snoop to see if he’s been “active.” I want to talk to him about this but don’t want to seem pushy or freak him out. What do you think I should do?

Online dater with a dilemma, Newton

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com, and don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 15 seconds: This is one of the more common online dating questions. A lot of people struggle with this.
• 52 seconds: If you are seeing each other once a week or so and it’s been three months, this guy is probably not serious about you. Keep dating other guys – don’t put all your eggs in one basket with this guy.
• 1:10: A guy can like hanging out with you and dating you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he sees a future with you. Just because you feel a certain connection doesn’t mean he feels that same connection.
• 1:23: BUT if you’ve been seeing him a few times a week for three months now and you feel as though things are progressing, you have every right to know where his head is at.
• 1:43: What to do with your profile – the HUGE MISTAKE women make…tune in to see what I’m talking about.
• 2:08: The ultimate question to ask yourself and a plan of action – tune in to see what I have to say.

Hi Neely,

I have a really close friend whose girlfriend I have also become close with. My husband and I double-date with them and go on trips together all the time, and we all get along really well. A couple weeks ago I was out at a club with friends. It was late, like 3 a.m., and the club was pretty big and crowded. As I was making my way through the crowd I saw my friend’s girlfriend making out with some random dude and acting all lovey-dovey with him. I was so shocked. She didn’t see me, because I quickly ducked back into the crowd. But now I don’t know what to do. It feels awkward hanging around them, and I haven’t told her yet what I saw. I know my friend would be crushed if I told him – my loyalty is first to him, but I just feel I have been put in a very awkward situation. My friend has been with this girl for a year, and I know he is serious about her. What do you think I should do?

Witness to cheating, New York

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 23 seconds: It’s really difficult to know what to do in these situations. If you say something, he may get angry and think you’re meddling; if you don’t and he finds out you knew all along but didn’t tell him he may also be angry. So…you need to think through a plan of action carefully!
• 50 seconds: Here are 3 things to consider when you’ve witnessed your friend being cheated on – TUNE IN TO SEE WHAT THESE 3 THINGS ARE.
• 2:59: Also consider that you may very well lose his friendship but at least you know you thought through the situation and did what you thought was right and in his best interest.

Hi Neely,

I’m a 30-year-old guy living in Boston who is sick of the women in this city. They are cliquey and cold. I moved here from the South a couple years ago for a job, and have found dating women here really difficult. Do you have any suggestions?

Frustrated, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

TAKEAWAYS:

• 40 seconds: Boston women may or may not be what you say, but the bottom line is you’re here. So you have to make the best of it!
• 58 seconds: Put your dating dilemma in perspective. Tune in to see how Boston ranks in the singles department against other cities and just how many eligible women there are for you. You will be surprised.
• 1:51: What does the Met Life Stadium (where the NY Giants and the NY Jets play) have to do with women in Boston? Tune in to see what I have to say?
• 3:04: There is one woman in that stadium (all it takes is one!) for you. So get out there and find her.

Hi Neely,

I’m kind of exhausted with dating. I feel like Kristin Davis’ character Charlotte in Sex and the City when she said, “I’ve been dating since I was 15. Where is he already? I’m exhausted.” I’m a 33-year-old woman. I own my own condo and have a great job. I have great friends and take amazing vacations. But I want to settle down and meet someone. I want to have kids and a family. I can feel my biological clock ticking practically every day. I don’t want to settle for someone just to have children and get married – I could never be happy with someone I didn’t really love. I’d rather be alone than settle. But I still can’t help but feel panicked and scared at the thought of being by myself forever, while all my friends start to pair up, have kids, and move to the burbs. Do you have any helpful advice for me?

Scared to settle, Cambridge

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaways

• 23 seconds: You’re not alone!
• 35 seconds: I am dishing out some tough love: I know you’re exhausted, but you’ve got to suck it up if you want to get what you want!
• 1:00: Let’s talk about the word ‘settle.’ Nobody wants to feel they are settling for someone. We want it all in the 21st century!
• 1:34: Look at a city like Manhattan. People take a lot longer to settle down there. The city is filled with so many beautiful, successful men and women, and everyone is looking for the next best thing, to find someone better. It’s the paradox of choice.
• 1:45: Years later, when they’re still single they realize they probably turned away some really great people for an illusion.
• 1:56: Perfect and ideal doesn’t exist.
• 2:03: If you found someone with whom you’re compatible and want a long-term relationship, there isn’t anybody better out there for you.
• 2:19: Settling isn’t about failure or mediocrity. Let’s change the way you think about the word settling.
• 2:30: Think of 5 fundamental qualities in a mate that you can’t live without and throw out the rest of your list.
• 3:26: I’m not advocating settling for someone you can’t stand to be around, but I just want you to think about readjusting your definition of settling, especially if you’re ready to settle down and want biological children. Think about what is really important to you and don’t lose sight of that.

Hi Neely,

Long-distance love, Boston

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my Website: neelysteinberg.com.

Takeaway Points

• 58 seconds: If someone you’ve been dating for a bit is moving far away and you want to be in a long-term relationship with him or her, you MUST have a conversation to see where you stand with that person. Don’t skirt the issue. And don’t let he or she leave without having the talk.
• 1:08: Defining the relationship talks can be awkward but if one of you is moving far away that is the perfect excuse to broach the conversation.
• 1:40: I’m not a huge fan of long-distance relationships, especially at the beginning stages of a relationship, but they CAN work.
• 2:09: Three things to think about if you do get involved in a long-distance relationship. Tune in to see what they are!
• 4:08: Long-distance relationships can work, but they take a lot of trust, communication, and effort. Also, consider my three tips. If it’s the right person, it’s totally worth giving it your all!

Hi Neely,
I’m always unsure about when I should have sex with a man for the first time. What are your thoughts on this?

First time sex, Boston

Takeaway points:

• 56 seconds: Helen Fisher, famous anthropologist, says that no sex is causal. I agree.
• 1:09: In my honest opinion, I don’t think many women are all that interested in or good at having casual, no-strings attached sex. Usually there are ulterior motives – it’s not just for purely physical reasons. And usually alcohol is involved.
• 1:39: The questions to ask yourself to answer this question are: What are you looking for and how well do you know yourself? Tune in for more thoughts on why to ask yourself these questions.
• 2:27: Women often sleep with someone to solidify a relationship. Doesn’t work this way. Women are often disappointed and hurt when man disappears.
• 2:50: The one thing I say OVER and OVER to women. Tune in to find out what that is.
• 3:10: If you’re the type of person that can have casual sex without getting hurt or disappointed and you’re not looking for anything serious, sleep with someone whenever you want…BUT BE SAFE!
• 3:30: If you’re the type of person that doesn’t really enjoy casual sex and you’re looking for a long-term relationship, wait a few months with someone you’re dating. Tune in to find out why.
• 4:22: Ask yourself the two aforementioned questions, be honest with yourself, and you’ll be in a better position to answer your own question.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Dear Neely,

Sincerely,
Lover Boy, Boston, MA

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: The amount of time you’ve been with someone is a factor, but try thinking less about WHEN you should say I love you and more about WHY you want to say it and you will have your answer.
• 54 seconds: There are 3 times when you shouldn’t say I love you. Tune in to hear what I have to say.
• 2:07: When you can feel really good about saying I love you.
• 2:47: A lot of times women are advised to let the man say I love you first. I explain why.
• 3:25: It should be less about gender and more about your motive for saying it.
• 3:45: The worst that can happen is that the other person doesn’t say it back but if you were saying it for the right reasons, at least you stayed true to the honest feelings you had. See this Seinfeld clip for George’s dilemma:

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Q: I’m a 26-year-old nice guy who really wants a girlfriend. Trouble is I feel as though women today don’t want nice guys. I see some of my guy friends treat women like crap and the women keep coming back to them. Unbelievable. Do I have to become a jerk to meet someone? Seems rather depressing.

Sincerely,
Nice guy reconsidering, Boston

Takeaway points:

• 34 seconds – Stay true to who you are! You don’t want someone falling for someone you’re not.
• 44 seconds – Definition of nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful, not a pushover.
• 57 seconds – Most women don’t respect a man who they can take advantage of
• 1:10 – SECRET most guys don’t know about nice guys: Tune in to find out what it is.
• 2:22 – Nice guys can find a balance. You can still be nice, but take charge a little bit when out there dating, so the woman isn’t always calling the shots.
• 2:40 – Observe other men who strike that balance between being nice and remaining desirable to women. Those are the men you want to emulate.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Hi Neely,

Sincerely,
Upset by 180, Brighton

Takeaway points:

• 40 seconds: You are not alone!
• 55 seconds: Don’t beat yourself up over this. And try your hardest not to overanalyze the situation. You may never know what happened and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
• 1:50: Once you get back out there and start dating again, I promise you will find someone new with whom you have amazing chemistry and you will forget all about this guy.
• 2:00: When it comes to dating – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

Hi Neely,

Thanks for your advice!
Confused, Philadelphia, PA

Takeaway points

• 1:20 – Listen to what a man is saying. Is he telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but you’re choosing not hear him? You won’t change his mind no matter what you do.
• 3:17 – A man may like you and like spending time with you but not want to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn’t give you what you want and need, walk away, because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
• 3:48 – Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It’s okay to feel lonely.
• 4:20 – Men are in go-mode when they want to be in a relationship. They don’t give a woman scraps. They only give scraps to a woman who will let them get away with that.
• 4:45 – You can’t control how another person is going to feel.
• 5:56 – Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
• 6:10 – The sooner you stop pouring energy into someone who isn’t meeting your needs, the sooner you can devote your energy to finding someone great and who wants to be with you.
• 6:54 – When you have a real physical and emotional involvement with someone, it can be difficult to give other people a chance.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com

Hi Neely,

Thanks for your advice!
Tired of Text Messaging, Boston, MA

Send your dating/relationship questions to: neely@blastmagazine.com.

Hi Neely,

- Desirous of Alpha male, Boston

Submit your questions to neely@blastmagazine.com!