Blast Magazine» advice

MP4 Love #6: When to say “I love you”

Neely Steinberg — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:52:41 +0000

Dear Neely,

I have been dating my current girlfriend for over 7 months now. The energy is great, we have an amazing connection, and I even get along with her parents. Needless to say I am head over heels, and now in that danger zone of wanting to say I love you for the first time. I am afraid of either 1.) freaking her out if she isn’t there yet (and creating that awful feeling for myself of not having your feelings reciprocated ) or 2.) waiting too long to say it and sending her the wrong message that I am not serious about the relationship. I have googled this endlessly looking for a rule of thumb, an answer, a prayer…to no avail. How long should you wait before dropping the “L” word? Help a brotha out!

Sincerely,
Lover Boy, Boston, MA

Takeaway points:

40 seconds: The amount of time you’ve been with someone is a factor, but try thinking less about WHEN you should say I love you and more about WHY you want to say it and you will have your answer.
54 seconds: There are 3 times when you shouldn’t say I love you. Tune in to hear what I have to say.
2:07: When you can feel really good about saying I love you.
2:47: A lot of times women are advised to let the man say I love you first. I explain why.
3:25: It should be less about gender and more about your motive for saying it.
3:45: The worst that can happen is that the other person doesn’t say it back but if you were saying it for the right reasons, at least you stayed true to the honest feelings you had. See this Seinfeld clip for George’s dilemma:

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

MP4 Love #5: The nice guy dilemma

Neely Steinberg — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 04:07:17 +0000

Q: I’m a 26-year-old nice guy who really wants a girlfriend. Trouble is I feel as though women today don’t want nice guys. I see some of my guy friends treat women like crap and the women keep coming back to them. Unbelievable. Do I have to become a jerk to meet someone? Seems rather depressing.

Sincerely,
Nice guy reconsidering, Boston

Takeaway points:

34 seconds – Stay true to who you are! You don’t want someone falling for someone you’re not.
44 seconds – Definition of nice. Someone who is kind and thoughtful, not a pushover.
57 seconds – Most women don’t respect a man who they can take advantage of
1:10 – SECRET most guys don’t know about nice guys: Tune in to find out what it is.
2:22 – Nice guys can find a balance. You can still be nice, but take charge a little bit when out there dating, so the woman isn’t always calling the shots.
2:40 – Observe other men who strike that balance between being nice and remaining desirable to women. Those are the men you want to emulate.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

MP4 Love #4: The disappearing man

Neely Steinberg — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:49:04 +0000

Hi Neely,

I met a man who I really fell for. We had been dating for a couple of months. He kept telling me how much he liked me and wanted to be with me and saw a future for us. But then, out of nowhere, he disappeared and I haven’t heard from him since. I feel incredibly hurt and confused. What could have happened to possibly make him do a 180 like this?

Sincerely,
Upset by 180, Brighton

Takeaway points:

40 seconds: You are not alone!
55 seconds: Don’t beat yourself up over this. And try your hardest not to overanalyze the situation. You may never know what happened and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
1:50: Once you get back out there and start dating again, I promise you will find someone new with whom you have amazing chemistry and you will forget all about this guy.
2:00: When it comes to dating – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com.

MP4 Love #3: Dating without emotional involvement?

Neely Steinberg — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:33:32 +0000

Hi Neely,

Two weeks ago, I almost broke up with a guy I have been dating for a few months. We decided to cool it a little and see other people. We had our 2nd “first date” recently, but soon afterward I learned that he and his friends are taking a bunch of girls to Killington for New Years Eve (which is also my 28th birthday). When I got upset that he didn’t invite me, he asked me if I wanted to come spend some time with his family so that I’m not in Philly alone (he said that New Years Eve is too much pressure especially since we talked about cooling things off a bit. Mind f**k anyone?). He said that his parents wouldn’t care that we aren’t really together because they will see me as his friend and a nice person. He’s told me he thinks I’m great and loves spending time with me but that he also has to figure stuff out. He’s told me he’s trying to be very up front and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. He says he wants to date me but doesn’t want a relationship and emotional involvement right now. The other thing is that my friend had randomly invited me to Killington for New Years, but I’m not sure I want to go because if we run into each other (very likely) he’ll think I’m stalking him. I have a few questions: Should I go home with him for Xmas? i was thinking I’d either go and be super pleasant (plus, i won’t have to spend it alone in my apartment), that way he’ll feel extra bad about New years or tell him I’m going and don’t get on the train so he’s sitting there waiting for me. Also, what do you think about me going to Killington for New Years? Lastly, do you think there’s a chance for us? I like him a lot and don’t think I can handle being just friends.

Thanks for your advice!
Confused, Philadelphia, PA

Takeaway points

1:20 – Listen to what a man is saying. Is he telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship but you’re choosing not hear him? You won’t change his mind no matter what you do.
3:17 – A man may like you and like spending time with you but not want to be in a relationship with you. If he doesn’t give you what you want and need, walk away, because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
3:48 – Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It’s okay to feel lonely.
4:20 – Men are in go-mode when they want to be in a relationship. They don’t give a woman scraps. They only give scraps to a woman who will let them get away with that.
4:45 – You can’t control how another person is going to feel.
5:56 – Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.
6:10 – The sooner you stop pouring energy into someone who isn’t meeting your needs, the sooner you can devote your energy to finding someone great and who wants to be with you.
6:54 – When you have a real physical and emotional involvement with someone, it can be difficult to give other people a chance.

Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com

MP4 Love #2: Tired of being asked out via text

Neely Steinberg — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 04:27:23 +0000

Hi Neely,

I recently met a man in a bar and we hit it off. He got my number and at the end of the night he asked if I wanted to go out sometime. I said yes and that I looked forward to hearing from him. A few days later I got a text message from him saying hi and asking if I was free to go out sometime. I was happy to hear from him but kind of annoyed that he asked me out over text message. I’m sick of guys asking me out through texting. Why can’t they just pick up the phone and call? At 30, I just have no tolerance anymore for this kind of stuff. What do you think about guys who ask women out over text and do you think I should accept a date with this guy (I haven’t responded)?

Thanks for your advice!
Tired of Text Messaging, Boston, MA

Send your dating/relationship questions to: neely@blastmagazine.com.

MP4 Love #1: Alpha female, 33 and divorced

Neely Steinberg — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 02:31:34 +0000

Hi Neely,

Love your articles and realistic approach to dating. Thought you might have some good feedback for me. I’m 33 and am looking for a relationship. I finally think I’m ready after being single for the last two years. Before that I was married for four years. The divorce was amicable and I still talk with my ex – there just wasn’t any passion and his meekness became a problem for me. People tell me I’m an Alpha female (I have a high-powered job, am very organized, and I’m a bit anal retentive in certain ways), but I’m not really sure – sometimes I see how they can say that but sometimes I disagree. I really want to be with a strong man, an Alpha male. I’ve dated a couple of guys after my divorce who were just plain boring. I’m tired of being in charge. I want a man who is going to take charge and be in control. Is that too much to ask for? All I seem to be meeting and attracting are guys with more Beta qualities. What do you think? Help!

- Desirous of Alpha male, Boston

Submit your questions to neely@blastmagazine.com!

Introducing Sex Rx

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:02:49 +0000

OK so you have lots of sex.

Boston is the second best city for singles, according to Forbes. That means, even if you’re not in a long term relationship, odds are you’re getting it on at a pretty regular rate. Yeah you!

Now that we’ve established that, let’s get things clear. Men: You’re no experts. You, hair-gelled, condom-always-in-the-wallet, love-to-flash-the-business-card guys are no experts. And you women: You “only-cleave-shirts-in-the-closet, lube-by-the-bed, Cosmo-devotee girls are certainly no experts, yourselves. And since we here at Blast are either one or the other, we’re not experts either. But a second opinion always helps, right?

So, Blast is here for you. Introducing “Sex Rx.” Ask us anything about sex, relationships, dating, etc. Comment with your questions below, or email sexrx@blastmagazine.com. We promise not to use your real name.

Don’t be embarrassed! Stay tuned for the raunchy, racy and romantic (hey, we have a soft side, too). Your Sex Rx is on the way!

By the way — The column is totally anonymous both for you and for us. We promise that both girls and guys will answer questions, and we’ll make it clear which gender is saying what.