Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Carlyle) whisks his new housekeeper Belle (Emile de Ravin) away from her father.

My viewing experience of “Once Upon A Time” is tainted, by expectation. I want it to be LOST. It’s creators want it to be LOST, and it never will be.

Last week I gladly declared that OUAT had found its identity and had squandered many of its pretensions and simply tried to be a damn good time. But this week, Kitsis/Horowitz seemed like a needy child tugging at its mother’s pant leg. I thought they were beyond seeking approval. All the Easter eggs and insider jokes like the Apollo Bars and the McCutcheon whiskey were just tributes to the landmark series they took part in. However with Emile de Ravin’s appearance as Belle (yes, of Beauty and the Beast fame) I wonder if Eddy Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, harbor a repressed need to catch lightning in a bottle again.

Surely, De Ravin’s guest appearance is simply an isolated homage, and lofty aspirations haven’t bogged down this creative team. Except, LOST is not the only acclaimed drama to catch OUAT’s wandering eye. They’ve snatched talent like Jennifer Morrison from “House,” Giancarlo Esposito from “Breaking Bad,” and tonight they made a “Game of Thrones” pun by naming a flower shop, “Game of Thorns.” I can’t decide whether it is endearing or desperate.

Much like some classic LOST episodes, tonight’s OUAT was a reveal episode. There was still a fairyback, one brought to life thanks to all those Disney rights! Ah, ABC, you treat them well. And there was “progress” in Storybrooke. But the real meat of the plot came during a two minute interaction between Mr. Gold and Regina where it was finally acknowledged that they both know of their former lives and evil power struggle. She goes all Destiny’s Child, “Say your name!” And he admits to awareness of “other worlds.” This wasn’t presented as a huge deal, it wasn’t even the final reveal of the episode, but it is a revelation with implications for the series at large. It is out in the open now, and if he knows the questions become, will he be a roadblock for Emma and Henry’s plans to enlighten the townsfolk (for my Losties, “Desmond-style”) or could he prove a formidable ally?

I was predisposed to be enthralled with tonight’s fairyback. Beauty and the Beast is almost certainly in my top three Disney flicks of all time (excluding Pixar) and Claire was one of my many beloved Oceanic 815ers so Emile de Ravin had me hooked with little effort. We’re introduced to the heroine as she stews by her father’s side, worried their village will be sacked as the Ogre Wars rage on (Am I the only one who would be fascinated by a detailed history of the events leading up to these wars?). I was mildly disappointed her dad was a rich, lordly fellow instead of an eccentric inventor. Anyway, Rumpelstiltskin appears as the solution to their suffering, promising to save their town in exchange for Belle’s services as his permanent housekeeper. Her betrothed, Gaston, insists she stay, but Belle is intent on breaking away from the social constraints of womanhood, seizing the opportunity to be heroic. She elects to go with Rumpy, much to his delight.

In the real world, there was much less interesting fare. Mr. Gold is robbed by a florist, Mr. French, after Gold nabs his van as collateral. Gold seems awfully upset over one particular item that Sheriff Swan hadn’t yet recovered and threatens that if she doesn’t detain Mr. French, he will get to him first. When he does, he beats the florist with his cane for information on the whereabouts of this item. He starts screaming about “her” and how it’s his fault that, “she is gone.” When he refuses to divulge the entire truth to Emma, he is cuffed.

In a Storybrooke subplot, Ashley returns. Who? Oh, that pregnant girl who is Cinderella in Fairy Tale Land (FTL). She’s overtired from taking care of the baby because her baby daddy Shawn is always at work being the breadwinner. Ruby (FTL identity: Red Riding Hood) suggest that she and Mary Margaret join her for a ladies night on the town. Both agree, especially Mary Margaret who’s once again unsatisfied by only being a part-time lover to David, who is still carrying on with his wife, Kathryn. I normally care about those two lovebirds, but the developments felt so wedged in, that I became detached. Next week their affair will come to a head when Kathryn finds out.

At Rumpy’s castle, Belles settles in after feeling initially weary about handing over her life to a “monster.” But as the “tale as old as time” foretold, Rumpy begins to treat her nicely, even pardoning her when she chips a cup. This is of course an allusion to “Chip” from Disney’s incarnation of the tale. You might say this reference made me groan, but I shall not complain as I promised last week. Rumpy begins to fall for her first, turning Gaston into a rose for his sweetheart when he comes to her rescue. Then, Belle’s opinion of her master (kinky) shifts when she falls from a ladder into his arms (the editing and VFX in this scene are ATROCIOUS). She begins to probe him for information about his past, when he was a man. She yearns to know the man she will serve forever better. In a move to test her affection for him, Rumpy asks Belle to go into town for more straw. If she comes back, he will tell her the story of the son he lost. He expressed that he expects her to never come back.

On her journey she runs into the Evil Queen. EQ informs her that her master’s curse will be broken, and his humanity restored if he receives true love’s kiss. Knowing that his beastly features and evil within can be eroded she returns to him. But when she shares true love’s kiss with Rumpy, he resists the change. He suspects her to be an agent of the EQ, trying to remove his powers, to weaken him. For her treason, Belle is thrown in the dungeon. After a tantrum in which the only glassware spared is the chipped cup, he releases her, never wanting to see her again. She calls him a coward as his son had when he killed to protect him, a genuine callback and reference that felt the most organic and essential of any they’ve attempted.

Shakeups in Storybrooke abound when Ashley accepts Shawn’s marriage proposal and Mary Margaret bumps into David. He hands her a V-day card, but accidentally hands her one addressed to Kathryn. This tips the scales for MM and she observes that they will find a way to be together, but this isn’t it. Back at SBPD, Regina bribes Emma with a half hour visit with Henry (this wouldn’t strike her as odd…awful sheriff….and where’s mystery writer/biker dude?) in order to converse with Mr. Gold. She confesses to encouraging Mr. French to rob him, asking that he bring her back…his chipped cup. She held this as leverage so that Gold would speak his FTL name. It’s a fun scene that recalls the legend that surrounds his name. As I mentioned before, this revelation that they both know could add a layer of mixed allegiances or simply heighten the risks involved in Emma and Henry’s pursuit of the truth.

While Rumpy slumps at his spindle over his reluctance to allow love in his heart, for fear of rejection, EQ visits hoping they can strike another deal. When he is not in the mood he accuses her outright of ruining their relationship. She cryptically answers that she had nothing to do with “that tragedy.” Puzzled, Rumps asks of what she speaks. EQ shares that upon returning home, her father had shunned her. He learned of her love for “The Beast” and has banished to a tower where clerics will cleanse her soul. Distraught, she threw herself out of the tower, falling to her death. This explains the sentimental value surrounding the cup in the real world, it’s all he had left of her. Or so he thinks. The very last scene of the episode shows Regina entering a secret wing of the hospital where “Belle” is locked up. What repercussions could this have for their eternal power struggle? I’m unsure, but again it opens up the dimensions for the real world adding a darker tinge to the episodes to follow. Gold, like EQ may not want to go back to FTL, but they want to vanquish each other. The more moral ambiguity that can be infused in these classics, the better. And with the sporadic investment in real world proceedings before this, another reason to care wouldn’t hurt.

Nearly all the real world happenings felt inconsequential. This irrelevant quality took a sharp 180 toward the end, but I can’t discount my utter boredom beforehand. Ashley had been gone for so long, her engagement felt like a formality. And when I start feeling blase about any plot point that involves Mary Margaret you know it hasn’t been well rendered. Despite these clear narrative shortcomings, it was pleasant to step into the world of “Beauty and the Beast” again, and it’s always a pleasure to watch Emile de Ravin smile sheepishly at me (ok, in my general direction). For it’s sheer entertainment value, and for effectively (and finally) incorporating the gritty, tragic elements of the FTL futility into the thrust of the Storybrooke setting, OUAT regresses but swings its pendulum in a positive direction with a B-.

King Leopold (Richard Schiff of "The West Wing") dotes on his daughter, Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin).

Is there anything freer than knowing exactly who you are? You have nothing to prove, because your expectations are much more reasonable and whenever you create, or work, or do what it is you do, you do it with a exactness that no one else could ever conceive of.

Well, “OUAT,” I believe, has found that sweet spot. They have embraced an identity, and it falls short of many great shows on television. I can provide you with 10 better written shows, and I can find you ten shows that I certainly look up to more for their innovation and artistry. Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz worked on one of those before, “LOST.” If you have read my reviews you know how much I adored, and still carry great affection for, that show. Despite it being the one show my dad and I will never watch together, and while my opinions contrasts with those who loathed the final five minutes of the series finale so severely that it ruined the entire journey before it, it is undoubtedly, one for the history books. OUAT, will never be LOST. OUAT wishes they had the privilege of “LOST’s” club of flaws. However, OUAT has a lightness to it now, as if they have dropped the burden of expectations and have decided to care less about being great, and want to a force of its own will. “Once Upon A Time” will make me groan weekly with its insisting witticisms connecting their dual realms, but beyond today I will note them no longer (but seriously, referring to a plan to expose Regina as reaching for the fruit of the poisonous tree, COME ON!) because it’s charming just how little they wish to please me. And now that they have stopped catering to some false sense of importance, it has become more enjoyable, more effortlessly engaging, and more goddamed fun.

Although tonight, my patience was tried within mere minutes of the still lame title sequence (this isn’t a haunted house show, let’s be real). Lana Parilla is a clearly attractive woman in her own right, and I’m sure come Emmy season I will be scraping my jaw off the floor after she has walked onto the red carpet, but any chemistry we had has been killed by her shrewish attitude on the show. I’m sure that is how she has been directed to be, but why couldn’t she be more seductive. Isn’t the purest evil the kind that sneaks up behind you because you trusted it would never harm you? Well, it seems the show may be in the business of granting wishes. I say this not just because “The Genie” from Aladdin lore is the subject of tonight’s fairyback, but because in said fairyback, the Queen effectively seduced me.

But not before she made my balls shrink up inside me with condescensions like, “He’ll have a cracked cranium if you aren’t careful,” or “It’s time to be responsible Ms. Swan.” These gems and more are a part of a barrage of berating remarks by Regina, aimed at Emma, after she finds her and Henry playing at a now dilapidated playground (Henry’s castle) after the storm hit it. Emma, initially, is willing to let her usual overreaching roll off. Then she hits up Granny’s. Here we find Gus (damn, still not Breaking Bad, huh), I mean Sidney Glass, editor of the Storybrooke Mirror throwing back whiskeys for breakfast. Turns out he has a grudge with Regina too. After he was humiliated at the sheriff elections he decided to expose her for the corrupt mayor she is, to no avail. She found him out and fired him. Now, Sidney’s looking to partner up with Emma to take her down through some good old dirt-digging. Emma declines, claiming she wants to take her down without getting her hands dirty, but when she sees Henry’s playground is demolished and his book (THE BOOK) missing from its hiding place, she decides all bets are off.

As mentioned, we meet Genie this week who is Sidney’s alter ego (played by the supremely talented Giancarlo Esposito, who found his career-defining role as Gus in AMC’s “Breaking Bad”). As we know from prior installments (so don’t be shocked) Sidney is the magic mirror to Regina’s Evil Queen. This sets up easily the show’s most effective twist on conventional fairy tales, The Genie becomes the mirror. And despite this nugget not being concealed, I was still enthralled by the how of it all. The genie is summoned from the lamp and appears before King Leopold, father of Snow White. Esposito’s take on Genie is refreshing, he too wishes to be broken from the shackles of his gig, but this Genie isn’t masking his longing with cheer and improvisational humor. This guy is unenthused and apathetic. He recites his spiel about his magic’s limitations sans gusto. Being a kind royal, who wants for nothing (though it’s much easier to be humble when you’re royalty though) Leopold wishes for Genie’s freedom, a gesture that delights our not-so-blue friend. With his second wish he grants that his third wish be given to the Genie to use. Genie is again grateful, but asserts he will never use it. He’s granted 1001 wishes, and all of them have had grave consequences. Without much purpose to pair with his newfound liberty, Leopold offers to make him a member of his court where he’s certain he’ll find the one wish Genie cannot grant for himself, true love.

Making a brief appearance in the real world is Mary Margaret who meets up with David for a surprise picnic at the place where they first met, the ever-romantic toll bridge. Mary Margaret, amidst a flurry of kisses, wonders if they should face the reality that he is married, but David just wants to love her guilt-free so they push worry off to tomorrow. Mary Margaret also delivers possibly the funniest line of the night, when she see Sidney and Emma sifting through public records to discover any seeds of wrongdoing: “Yeah, maybe you’re doing something wrong, but if it’s right and it’s meant to be, does that make you a bad person?” Ha! Oh, Mary Margaret, even when you’re a mistress tortured by guilt and shame, you’re cute as a button. Meanwhile, Sidney seems convinced that this $50,000 of unappropriated funds will be the Mayor’s undoing, the “crack in the mirror” (ughhhhh…but I’m letting go…). When Emma questions why Sidney ever got in her pocket in the first place he more organically alludes to the parallel story, “I used to think she was a different person.”

Here we start to feel for Evil Queen (EQ). At some festivity, we see the King waxing philosophic about his daughter’s unmatched beauty, but then he strikes at EQ’s self-esteem saying Snow is a constant reminder of his “fairest of them all” first wife, and her mother. EQ has no place in his court, or in his heart. She is trapped in an essentially loveless marriage, or at least one where she will always play second fiddle. Genie runs after her into her courtyard where the soon-to-be poisonous apple tree grows. He lifts her spirits by gifting her a mirror, so that she may see what he sees, the true “fairest of them all.”

In Storybrooke, Emma confronts Regina directly about the missing funds. Regina is quick with an alibi, saying the record of the transaction was burned in the fire that got her elected. While leaning against her desk, Emma plants a bug so she can intercept some clue of where she allocated the money. When she overhears a phone call about a roadside meeting, she and Sidney spring into action. While heading to the location, the brakes fail on Emma’s car and Sidney immediately notices they were tampered with and that Regina must have discovered the bug. Coincidentally, Mr. Gold is out by the roadside. He informs them that the mayor met with him to buy his land. He also warns about emotional entanglements, and how they can distort the truth and people will get hurt. Unconvinced, Emma heads for Regina’s office and breaks in. She gathers any files related to the land grab off her computer, but not before running into Regina herself. Emma, quick-witted, conjures up a tale about a teenage prank that Sidney had witnessed. Across town, we also get a short glimpse of Mysterious Writer/ Biker Dude who bumps into Henry who is trying to record the details of THE BOOK, in case it isn’t found. When “Oh Precocious One” grills the man with the box about why he is here, he mocks the child, “Stuff.”

The Evil Queen’s father makes a surprise visit, dropping in on Genie when he expected a rendezvous with the Queen. The King has pilfered his wife’s diary and has knowledge about a man who has stolen her heart. He recognizes that he can never love EQ like she deserves, but he’s still aghast at her betrayal. He charges Genie, whom he trusts, to sniff out this mystery man. In response, EQ’s father has come to deliver his daughter a package, a way out of this prison of a life, an escape from her own form of servitude. When she opens the box we find two Agrabah vipers. For those with a working knowledge of Disney, Agrabah is the homeland of the Genie. EQ’s plan is to kill herself with one venomous bite, but Genie stops her. Clearly enamored with her, he offers to kill the king himself by setting the vipers loose on him. In this scene in particular we see another side of Regina/EQ, one who is stricken with sadness, but oozes sensuality as she brushes against Genie’s cheek and embraces him for his selflessness: a deep contrast to the shrill, unabashedly evil Regina that has inhabited every other episode. The added dimension is well executed and goes a long way to establishing a character we can invest in instead of just emphatically opposing.

Then the entanglements Mr. Gold forewarned of begin to unravel. At a city council meeting, Emma and Syndey speak up, exposing Regina’s plans to build a second home in the woods with taxpayer money. Unphased, Regina retorts she is indeed building a house. A PLAYHOUSE. OH SNAP! She circumvented the city governance so she could get the project underway quicker, so that the town’s children would have a safe place to play. Disgraced and defeated, Emma loses not just her plot for revenge, but Henry as well. Regina blackmails Emma with evidence that she did truly break-in to her office and bans her from seeing Henry for an undetermined period of time. The one ray of hope she clings to is that Sidney is her ally now, and no longer Regina’s spy. Earlier, he had pulled out a shoebox of photos he had taken of Emma while under Regina’s employ, tracking Emma’s every move so she could prevent her from getting close to Henry.

With a powerful ally, Emma has the strength she needs to stand up to Regina when the time is right. Except, the last scene of the episode suggest differently. Sidney is seated before a mirror in Regina’s office and he reports that “she bought it,” he has earned Emma’s trust and holds a tape recordings of all their meetings. Regina is as unstoppable as ever, now she can track the sheriff’s every move and will always be one step ahead. What seemed like a foregone conclusion, Emma’s penetration of Regina’s facade, now seems improbable. With a well-established network of watchful eyes, Regina seems to have an unrelinquishing grasp on her power, and Emma. Although, mysterious writer/biker dude may be the thorn in her side. We get a quick glimpse of the all-important box, the one that last week held a typewriter. Now it holds… THE BOOK! WHAAAAATTTTT? Stay tuned, as they say.

The twist with the most payoff though, was in the fairyback. Genie sicks the vipers on his dear friend and they both dig their fangs into his neck causing an almost instant death. In his last moments though, Genie expresses his regret. He acknowledges that he’s forever indebted for the freedom the king granted him, but that he had to do the same for his queen, and break her chains as well. And as the king’s life is sucked out, he reminds Genie of another way he could have freed her. His last wish from the map. Damn. Either Genie was too gosh darn stubborn or too caught up to use it, but that would have been a more civil route to go. When he rushes to his love’s side to tell her the good news, she appears in more despair than before. The guards know the vipers are of Genie’s homeland, and that he will be executed. She offers him safe passage, but Genie is connecting the dots. Of all the snakes she could have picked, she picked those from Agrabah. She set him up. She never loved him at all, and used him to kill the king. EQ acknowledges this, and erases any possibility he could ever be in her life. But Genie has his one last trick up his lamp. He uses his last wish to grant that he will be by her side always, and that every day he will look upon her. And the magic of FTL does grant him this. He is to be stuck inside her mirror for the rest of his life. The show has introduced a litany of grim ways that magic has haunted these characters that have relied on it for solutions to their ills, but never has it been more tragic than when this man, recently freed, is once again enslaved. But this time, it was of his own will. He could not live without her, now he certainly cannot.

“7:15 A.M” delivered for me last week, but with this episode coming in consecutive weeks, I’m sure that it was no fluke. Appealing to pathos once again, the show struck a chord by sticking with the cliched but proven conceit that love can be the grandest magic in the world, but it can also inflict the greatest of pains. The fate of unrequited love has never been pretty, and I’m glad OUAT was bold enough to confront it. For the second week in a row I have reason to celebrate the achievements of a series that has labored through much of its first few months for my approval, and frankly the approval of many critics. But I’m confident that this week many others will be singing it’s praises. Surely, Regina cannot become a totally different character and will continue to thwart any of my attempts to like her or root for her success, but I can’t imagine this show is striving for that sort of moral ambiguity. At any rate, for this week I was again delighted to delve into both worlds (more so with the FTL because of the world-building and tragedy), and I’m excited for where the series can go from here in defying expectation now that they are ironically freed from its constraints. For allowing the captivating Giancarlo Esposito the space to play, for expanding our conception of the Queen’s capabilities, and for feeling like the gust of fresh air the show set out to be at its inception, OUAT repeats its success with a second straight triumph over my preconceived notions. I mean, the dialogue is still wooden; and much of my interest in the real world activity is riding on potential plot threads, my parallel investment in the FTL, and my admiration for a few performances. No buts about it though, the “fruits” of their labor have earned them a B+.

Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) looking so darling it hurts, as a dove delivers her a message from her true love.

Readers, as I have mentioned in previous posts, I feel like we have a good thing going. I can share with you all the kinds of things one doesn’t divulge at dinner parties. I can open up to you with no fear of reprisal. Therefore, it is without hesitation that I confess to you…I’m a sucker for love stories. Yes, it’s true. I come off like a cynic, someone without a soft spot, someone who shuns things like cuddling and soul mates (because only those who believe in fate find pleasure in holding loved ones in their arms…icky). When you break down my grisly exterior, however, you will find a man who always cries at the end of The Notebook. A man who just last night screamed at his television while watching “Lost in Translation,” “What did Bill Murray whisper to Scarlett Johansson goddamit!” I am also the type of man who would dig tonight’s episode. One filled with the pain of unrequited affections, as well as the kind of forbidden romance you only find in fairy—son of a gun.

Needless to say, if they were looking for some good pub they came to the right…well, let’s pretend I have clout…critic. I was additionally surprised I enjoyed this episode so much because after last week’s turd in a punchbowl I was dreading this week. Perhaps if I watched previews I would have known we’d return to the only thing I’m invested in, Mary & David/Snow & Charming. Exacerbating my bias was the fact that Championship Sunday was as thrilling as its been in years. Both games decided by a field goal, one missed and one made. The second game was even in overtime. I found religion today and my Lord is the NFL. So how could this shaky family drama possibly hold my attention? First, by featuring the show’s best (never mind cutest) actors and by providing us with reasons to care about a relationship we already know is destined.

We resume with whom last week left us, scratching our heads, The Stranger. Or as I call him, Mysterious Biker Dude. Dude is fixing his chopper outside Regina and Henry’s residence when Oh Precocious One inquires as to what he is doing here? Dude smugly answers, “Fixing my bike,” and divulges no more information. Regina seems legitimately concerned that she doesn’t know who this guy is. Maybe he’s not connected with FTL (Fairy Tale Land) in any way? Also, there’s the whole stranger talking to my kid angle, so she may be onto something. From there, we enter the abode of the strong, sure-assured females (in all seriousness I suppose we should commend OUAT for portraying women with such agency in a show centered around stories that reenforce the most basic gender expectations) that save the show from vacuous oblivion, Mary Margaret and Emma. Mary Margaret wakes up in a tizzy because she is late. She claims she promised some of her students she’d help them with their science fair project (isn’t that cheating!) before school at 7:15. Emma scoffs that they can wait, and with one of the better lines, Mary replies, “Uh, we’re building a volcano.” Ha, because that’s a big deal, but not really. Get it? Okay, so I find Ginnifer Goodwin to be adorable. Sue me!

Turns out she isn’t meeting up with her students. Shocker, right? She sits down with a book at the coffee shop and pretends to read. Lo and behold, David walks through the door.She’s stalking him! How adorable! He says good morning, she asks how his job at the animal shelter is, he says the apes haven’t taken over yet. HA! Oh what a charming fellow. Well I’ll be they did it again! In FTL, he IS Charming. Oh dear. Anyway, she plays it off like it’s no thang and Emma walks in wondering where that volcano is. Mary fesses up that she comes at 7:15 A.M so that she can run into him. Aw…honey, he’s gonna file a restraining order! No, but Emma is much more supportive. She commiserates that love is indeed, the worst, and Mary sends us into the other realm with a you-can’t-miss-it cue: “I wish there was a magic cure.” Bet you can guess what the fairyback is about!

Thankfully, it isn’t quite that simplistic. We meet up with Snow as she is delivered her food run by Little Red Riding Hood. She also sneaks her intel about the upcoming royal wedding, in which “the love of her life whom she met but once” is the bridegroom. Snow agonizes like Mary about trying to forget that sexy-ass man. Red alludes that there might be a way, but chickens out. Snow then reminds her that she helped her when no one else would. This intrigued me because obviously the way to avoid becoming stale is to reinvent the familiar tales within an original mythology. The idea that there is an interconnectedness seems to be coming into focus so I don’t mind the vague references, for now. Not so surprisingly, good ole Rumpelstiltskin is the man with the drugs she needs to forget that one night stand with the rugged woodsman. When she finds Rumpy in a not at all shady dock covered in fog he provides her with a potion that will not only mend her broken heart, but she will forget who he is entirely. All he asks for is a strand of her hair. Either Rumpy has become a pedophile or maybe we should keep that in the back of our minds. Before she scurries off though, the impish dealmaker leaves her with parting words of wisdom, “Love is the most powerful magic there is. Love has killed more than any disease.”

Next, we pop in on the man of the hour, Prince James, who is peering out on his balcony broodingly. King George (Alan Dale, who played the wealthy and powerful Charles Widmore on “Lost”) presents him with a peace offering, a crown crafted by King Midas, his soon to be father-in-law. As fans of the show may remember, four episodes ago Prince James agreed to marry Kind Midas’ daughter Abigail as a show of good faith that they would enter an allegiance that benefits the prosperity of both kingdoms. James is sprung on Snow though, and resents his adoptive father for forcing him into forsaking her. He mocks the Midas crown rebuking that, “You could feed the kingdom for an entire winter with that crown.” Ugh, so he’s one of those annoying 99 percenters, huh? In all seriousness, I was mildly enthralled by the politics of it all, and how the King talked about the responsibility that comes with all that wealth. On another show, it might have carried more weight, but here it establishes the futility of Snow and Charming ever resuming their tryst. Ever persistent, James sends a dove with a letter for Snow. Like carrier pigeons, but more regal. The note reaches Snow just before she is about to down her potion. What she reads gives her renewed faith that they can be together, despite the odds. He asks her to come to his room that night so he knows she feels as strongly as he does.

While Mary is shopping for Apollo chocolate bars (a nod to the made-up brand featured in “Lost”) she bumps into Kathryn, David’s wife. As they sort through their stuff she stumbles upon a pregnancy test. She leaves and goes to clear her by walking though the woods (aw, the parallels) and hears a dove trapped in some wiring. It’s the same goddamn dove isn’t it. Yup, and even cheesier, when she brings the injured bird to the animal shelter (wait David works th—I know!) the doctor tells her that physically the bird will heal, but this particular dove is of a breed that develops highly monogamous relationships. If not reunited with her flock, she will be forever alone. Oh my god! The bird is just like MARY! Yeah, that hammer in your head isn’t a headache, it’s OUAT writers cramming in a metaphor.

Mary runs off, feeling akin to the bird’s struggle (I don’t know why their paths don’t intersect, like, at all) wanting to give the dove a chance at finding its loved ones. Mary slips and falls, barely hanging on to a cliff’s edge when DAVID ARRIVES! Convenient, yes. But he apparently followed her out of concern from the shelter. The cliff being a metaphor for her hanging onto feelings for David though? Kind of a stretch, don’t you think? Then like clockwork the rain comes down and they take shelter in an abandoned cabin. At this point, I grew worried this might be the beginning of a tremendously high-budget porno. Instead, Mary admits why she’s been so distant. It’s too painful to see him when they can’t be together. And yet she tortures herself by going to the coffee shop ay 7:15 every morning to see him. He laughs. “I go to the coffee shop at 7:15 every morning to see you.” My eyes rolled and I recited the line as he said it. Clearly telegraphed. And yet, it worked.

I can’t explain it, I just care about these darn kids, and I want them to be happy. The chemistry between the actors is palpable, Ginnifer is ridiculously cute as mentioned, and honestly they didn’t have to try so hard. As the kiss we all needed to relive our sexual tension was upon us, Mary thwarted it. She can’t break up Kathryn and David especially when they might be having a baby. David was unaware, but it changes things. They have to forget each other. Despite the new stakes, he resists. He explains the duality inside him in obvious terms that allude to the curse, but it nails the sentiment for me as it evokes the central question of the series thus far, “Who’s to say which one is real?” I won’t detail this theory again, but I still hope the show is moving toward this question about whether happily ever afters are not all they are cracked up to be, and that maybe it is only in the “real world” that we can find something genuinely worthwhile.

As Snow attempts to sneak into King George’s castle, Snow is locked up. Her cellmate? GRUMPY (Lee Arenberg, as seen in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies)! Grumpy tells Snow a hell of a tale about how he ended up there, blinded by love, and due to their instantaneous camaraderie, he breaks her out when his pal, Stealthy (the awesomest eight dwarf) springs him. As luck would have it, the eight dwarf doesn’t last long (gee, wonder what the point was cutting them to seven) and is killed by an arrow. Snow leverages Grumpy’s freedom for her own capture and King George presents her with an impossible choice. Either she tells the Prince that she does not love him, or Charming gets the ax. He reasons that if an assassin kills the Prince he will be viewed as a martyr and Midas will keep the alliance in his sacrifice. Because she doesn’t want to harm the one she loves, Snow lets him down easy. Not at all actually. “Fill your heart with love for someone else, someone who can love you the way I never have. The way I never will.” BOOM. He cries, she cries when she walks away, but she gains friends in the now seven dwarves. Grumpy also offers up some pretty sound advice for the grieving beauty, “I don’t want want my pain erased. It’s what makes me who I am. It makes me…Grumpy.” Yeah, it’s hokey. And when it’s supposed to be heartfelt you are focused on the pun, but it is an apt lesson about heartbreak.

While all the heartbreaking and mending is happening we do learn a bit about The Stranger too. Played by Eion Bailey,  he’s a charismatic fellow, but he’s also a sarcastic bastard. Perfect for Emma, who has a witty repartee with him. He agrees to tell her what is in his case if she shows him hers. Nah, but he does want to buy her a drink sometime. So she agrees and he reveals a typewriter. He’s a pretentious douchebag writer who stills uses a typewriter. He finds inspiration in the whimsy of Storybrooke, I guess. But when Emma asks if he has been there before, he evades the question.

The episode that jerked my heart around then ends with two last rips at my sensitivity and further emasculates me by making me care. Kathryn and David attempt to reconcile in a touching scene where both put their cards on the table and agree to do marriage counseling with Dr. Hopper/Jiminy Cricket. He also makes the conscious choice to avoid the coffee shop at 7:15. Mary, reluctantly does the same, Emma holding her hand through it. When they both decided enough time has passed it is 7:45, and they both run into each other anyway. Again, OBVIOUS metaphor for fate, but it was exactly the sort of chance resolution we all wanted deep down. They realize it is useless, they can’t avoid each other. What follows is both exactly what I might have dreamed of and not what I wanted at all. David blurts out, “Kathryn isn’t pregnant,” and with that particular barrier gone they kiss like it’s Smooch City, spinning around like nobody is watching, except someone totally is! Regina! How could they be so careless! Clearly, both of them aren’t concerned about Kathryn at all. It sort of invalidated the whole struggle before that with such an easy payoff, that didn’t involve any real shifts in circumstance from where we started. Except Regina’s got blackmail to spare. What a witch.

But then they did this. Prince Charming atop his trusty steed speeds through the forest and happens upon Snow’s cottage. Red Riding Hood is there instead and he professes that it matters not what Snow said, he won’t give up. If it wasn’t meant to be, he would seem mad clingy. The wedding is off! Cut to the dwarves hovel, where Grumpy rushes in to Snow’s bedroom to give her the great news that the and that her love awaits. Snow appears groggy. She turns to him. “Who?” She tried to find solace at the bottom of the vial. Completely ignoring Grumpy’s whole spiel about using the pain to make you stronger, she gave in and downed the whole love vaccine. NOW WHAT?

This was my favorite episode so far. No doubt. Here’s why. In ten episodes, I’ve come to terms with a few things. One, for whatever reason, the effects on this show make “Lost”  look like a feature film. This week, when they were walking through the caverns under the castle, and when the Prince rode his horse through the woods, the edges around the actors was ablaze with digital blur. Second, the dialogue is corny as hell. And not subtle. The juxtapostion of the worlds will be pointed out brutally, as if I forgot what show I was watching. And subtext will likely be zero to none. Actually, I hope it will be from hereon. The metaphors they tried in this episode were laughably inelegant. The bird, the storm, the cliff. I practically wrote those in fourth grade. But regardless of all these shortcomings I enjoyed the time spent. There were sudden reversals of fortune, there was an ending in the FTL that felt a tad Shakespearean in how it seemed tragically unavoidable, and above all it made me care about Mary/David & Snow/Charming to an embarrassing degree that I wouldn’t acknowledge outside this column. If OUAT can keep me invested in what becomes of these people, as their journey towards salvation or simple happiness becomes murky on the horizon, I will stay the course. This show will probably never be great, or win a prestigious award, but if it accomplishes this level of legitimate   feeling regularly it will be fun, and a hit, among a wide range of audiences. If this were a show with higher expectations this would be marked down more severely for its inattention to detail, but for its most appealing episode to date and for making me break down as if Taylor Swift were my gospel, I begrudgingly admit this was a B+.

The Blind Witch (Emma Caulfield) senses the presence of yummy children.

*Exasperated sigh*

So, for those of you who read my review of last week’s episode…remember all that goodwill that OUAT built up? They caught me fresh off some new year’s resolutions, a fun trip to Disney World, and legitimately entertained me with Rumpelstiltskin’s backstory, while also establishing a potential arc when Emma defied Mr. Gold and he proclaimed himself a worse enemy to have than Regina. Well, all that goodwill has been wasted, and in many ways I am officially mad at this show. The only bright spots for me were the usual: great rapport between Emma (Jennifer Morrison) and Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin, who this show needs to highlight more or perish), and the subversion of happily-ever-after in the FTL (Fairy Tale Land). And the only other consistent silver lining, the Mary/David relationship was on hiatus.

Equally disappointing was the lost potential. Not only was the source material the eepy-cray “Hansel and Gretel” story, but comedic talent Emma Caulfield (know for her work on “Buffy”) was playing the Blind Witch. I was geared up for the best fairyback yet, and for the show to finally embrace the dark side of the Force. Alas, this was the biggest letdown since “Terriers” got cancelled (anybody catch that show on FX last year? Awesome detective show. Really great writing, intense drama. Would have been a great, classic series). As mentioned there was subversion of the expected, but it was as slight as that sliver of cake your grandma takes at every birthday.

Hansel and Gretel are not kicked out of their parent’s home. They lose their father in the woods after searching for kindling. When they wander onto the main road for their search they are almost hit by the Evil Queen’s carriage (dressed in some S&M meets horse riding garb that screams someone wants to fool around in the stables). She scolds the children for impeding her path and even tries to capture them, but they scrap their way out from her guards’ grasps and instead uses magic (which is unclear because we have no idea the limitations of her power so nothing surprises us) to tie them up in tree roots. She first commends them for their ingenuity, but then offers a deal. If they go retrieve something for her, she will help them find their father. Gretel in particular does not want to help the villainess, but she knows no other way to find her father now that the compass he bestowed upon her has been broken in the scrum. EQ then outlines the task at hand: steal something from the Blind Witch for her, bring it back to her, and she will use her infinite evil resources to find Dad.

Here’s where obvious, parallel real-world scenario comes into play. Henry is perusing the local comic book joint (comics shown include recent Hulk issues written by fellow LOST alum, Damon Lindeloff) when he runs into a boy and a girl (wow, those kids look like Hansel and Gret—oh, yeah) about his age. The girl befriends him and asks if he wishes to come to their house to play. Henry, who with his fairy tale obsession must be a loner, is thrilled. But when leaving the store, the clerk makes him empty his backpack. Turns out the stranger’s kindness was a con to help steal food and supplies. Eva and Nicholas fib to Sheriff Emma that they were stealing to help their parents who are financially burdened. Apparently, Emma, who has been duped often by Storybrooke’s seedier characters, professes her bullshit-detecting powers  and follows through when she pulls off after dropping the kids at their “house” and then sneaks into the house to get the real story. Obviously, they’re orphans. Their mother is gone and they squat in their former home. Emma, who was an orphan herself, is sympathetic and decides to let them stay with Mary Margaret/Snow White Mom and her. Many might be put off by her extremely harsh opinions of the foster care system that follow. I grant you, I have a close friend who has a foster kid and is not grabbing for cash, but it is understandable how someone within could develop such a beef with that system. Because of this staunch opposition she refuses to abide by Mayor Regina’s proposition which is to put them in separate homes (the closest are in Boston).

EQ, back in FTL, warns the kids about the “special properties” of The Blind Witch’s house. “No matter how tempted you may be, you must not eat anything.” Of course, once inside they find the black satchel the Queen s desires, but as Gretel fingers it, Nicholas eats a blue-frosted cupcake and wakes the Blind Witch who immediately sniffs them out. When she locks them in a cupboard as she prepares dinner she offers up the strangely hysterical question, “Gravy or butter?” As in, would you rather be lathered in gravy or butter. Gretel then sacrifices herself and steals the key from the witch, tossing it to her brother who then breaks out. After a struggle that never seemed to have any real stakes despite the witch having weird powers to move things and throw projectiles, the kids push the witch into the oven. Then through the mirror the EQ herself hurls a fireball (apparently the mirror, like in Blue’s Clues, has the ability to transcend time and space) and burns her alive inside the oven. I suppose this would seem more ironic if it weren’t so telegraphed. Then EQ delivers her groaner of the week: “I would have gone with gravy.” The much funnier line is delivered after when she stalks Snow White via the mirror and quips, “She’s cavorting with dwarfs now, when did that happen?” I actually laughed out loud.

In her efforts to spite foster care everywhere, Sheriff Emma searches for Eva and Nicholas’ pops. Along the way, Helper Henry (who was surprisingly interesting this week, but this could have been that the other child characters this week were so stale) asks Emma about his dad. Emma, not having the heart to disappoint him makes up a story about how he was a fireman trying to save a family from a burning building. “He is the true hero, not me.” After vomiting in my mouth from all the manufactured cuteness, I wished so hard that she was BSing the kid, and it turns out she was. She reveals as much when she talks to gal pal/Mom (weird, huh?) about her own trials in the foster care system, and reveals that Henry theorizes Emma may be Mary daughter in FTL. Ginnifer Goodwin does a beautiful job subtly conveying in her eyes and gestures that she is curious and maybe even a little excited about the prospect. Of course, what the show needs to realize is that this feeling is done by showing, not telling. With models like Horowitz and Kitsis, who know the power of a striking look from LOST, David Goodman and Liz Tigelaar, should have employed this technique more, but alas we only get the real character development and emotional ploy when Mary Margaret is around. *Deeper sigh*

Also derived from the conversation was Emma’s strategy to find their dad. Apparently every orphan has some memento that was given to them by their birthparents. This seems highly unlikely, but I rolled with it. Fortunately, Eva has a compass (JUST LIKE GRETEL…oh, yeah) that she has carried with her since she was little. When Emma brings it to Mr. Gold, he is able to pinpoint the person who bought that exact compass from him. His price? Simply forgiveness for last week’s political shenanigans. Emma offers up tolerance, and he accepts. There is, a twist though. When they show the card he pulled that supposedly had the name on it, it appears blank. WHERE DOES HE GET HIS INFORMATION?! THIS WAS THE ONLY THING THAT EXCITED ME ALL EPISODE! The name she was given leads her to a mechanic in town. Oh, yeah. Henry knew he would be in town because part of the curse is no one can leave or come in. Thanks Exposition Helper Henry! When Emma reveals the existence of his two kids to the grease monkey he is predictably reluctant. Defeated, and unwilling to break the hearts of the children she says she never found him and prepares to drive them to Boston. However, she has a trick up her sleeve. As they are about to cross the Storybrooke border, Emma pretends the engine has stalled and calls for a tow. Guess who comes? No. No. No, not Rumpel—yes, the father! Finally. Anyway, he has a sudden change of heart when he looks at their downtrodden and pouty faces and decides he can raise them! What an unexpected surpr—oh who am I kidding.

As for our FTL alter egos, Hansel and Gretel, when they hand over the satchel, anticipates the Queen who pulls a fast one. After opening the satchel to reveal an apple (clearly the poison apple, or as she calls it, “a weapon,” she claims she has a “better idea” that they can stay with her! Nicholas seems intrigued by the riches by always the rebellious and boisterous type, Gretel resists her evil temptations just like at the Witch’s house. In her anger she casts them off in a poorly CGI-ed tornado and releases their father from her custody. NO WAY! No, but yeah I knew that too. I mean, she was right there when they couldn’t find him…*breathes deeply*…I’m calm now. Anyway, she casts him off too when he answers her question, “Why wouldn’t they stay with me” with “Family always finds each other.” Then in anti-climactic fashion she plops him in the expansive forest so that they can search for each other FOREVER. Or you know, until they find each other, whichever.

Then there’s the matter of the enigmatic biker dude that arrives at the very end. Clealrly, the episode itself held no intrigue or suspense on its own so they leave us with he cliffhanger of who is this dude who has come into town. BUT WAIT! How did he do that? Emma was the first stranger to come into town…ever. How did this man get there? Could this mean legitimate mystery has found its way into the show. Ehh, maybe.

My main gripe with this episode is the lack of recognition for what they could have done. They phoned this one in. I found my self singing “If only, if only” the whole hour. If only they had utilized Emma Caulfield better, and hadn’t given her corn-fest lines. If only Hansel and Gretel, an inherently dark fairy tale was actually scary. I never felt imminent danger. If only they had stopped trying to pull a fast one in the real-world plot with the lazy, predictable reversals. Oh she mad up a story about his father. Duh. The dad is gonna take them after all? Well, to create an hour-long conflict. And either of those things might not have felt so cheap if they felt less like plot points and more like actual emotions and struggles for these characters. But neither the mechanic nor Emma (Morrison’s ability to stretch the material can only go so far) made feel as though their reversals were earned or even really a consequence of anything. I was satisfied when  Emma had another opportunity to tell Henry the truth, and didn’t, but besides the obvious the why (?) still escapes me and not in a ambiguous sense, but in an unaddressed sense.

Thankfully, next week, we will be back to basics. Previews suggest another Snow White/Charming and Mary/David episode and most of the show’s energy lies with Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas’ chemistry so hopefully that will help bridge the gap. For this week, though, the fairyback was anti-climactic. The real-world plot revealed nothing plot or character wise, and what little joy I had came mostly from one loud guffaw (the cavorting with dwarfs line) and when we got to see of that budding Gilmore Girls-lite relationship between Emma and Mary Margaret. Even when this show is technically frustrating there is fun to be had, but very little kept this episode from slipping into D (as in damn that sucked) territory. But for making it out in one piece, with a couple mysterious threads hanging loose (Gold’s blank card, Henry’s father’s REAL story, and who this foreign biker dude is) My extra credit will allow OUAT to cling a second chance at life, with the promise of a better tomorrow (next week’s return to Mary/David adorability).

The newly evil Rumpelstiltskin surveys the soldiers he has just slayed.

Hmmm, what pop culture reference should I use to indicate that my weekly episode reviews have returned? A variation of “Here’s Johnny?” Maybe play off of the “back from outer space” line from “I Will Survive?” Or should I pay homage to “It’s Britney, b***h!” How about, Chris is back, back again. Chris is back, tell a friend. Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back…

Nobody? Eminem? “Without Me?” From “The Eminem Show?” I don’t even know you people anymore.

Anyway, TV has returned from it’s holiday break as we have, and the midseason premiere of OUAT was a grim reminder. Incidentally, that might work for this show, though it may seem counterintuitive with its direct competitor being fairy-tale filled procedural, Grimm. Sorry, I had to.

We begin with the sadistic host of “Let’s Make a Deal,” Rumpelstilitlskin in a more humbling form. This fairyback (fairy tale flashback for those who lost their short-term memory while gaining holiday weight) harkens back to a simpler time for Rumpy when he was still on his spindle, but living in the countryside, spooling coveted wool. Alas, beyond the hillside the Ogre Wars are taking the lives of countless youth (I need a spinoff directed by Peter Jackson please…post haste!) and the Duke is rounding up girls and boys as young as fourteen to join in the cause. Here the episode went strangely political, condemning the military industrial complex (not really) as Rumpy grew worried for his son (GASP), dreading the day of his fourteenth birthday in just 3 days, when he too would be forced to fight. When he tries to whisk his son away, running from his problems, the Duke’s entourage finds Rumpy and berates him, They tease him about his name, his limp and how he went AWOL and lost his wife due to his cowardice. The wounds are still fresh for him, but the shame doesn’t stop him from submitting himself before the Duke and kissing his boot upon request. Afterwards, an old beggar (played by Brad Dourif) gives him shelter, and his ominous yet comforting speech implies he may have more to offer him.

Meanwhile in present time “real world” Maine, Emma, (and Regina superficially) are mourning the death of Sheriff Graham. Emma after two weeks though feels it is time to take up his mantle and protect the citizens of Storybrooke, but Regina will tolerate nothing of the sort. She ousts her, appointing Sydney Glass (played by the brilliant Breaking Bad alum Giancarlo Esposito), editor-in-chief at the Storybrooke Daily (wait for it) Mirror (The queen’s magic mirror is his fairy tale land persona). Emma is surprisingly behind the 8-ball on this one, and sort of just gives in to mindless brooding before pawn shop owner and Rumpy’s real world alter-ego, Mr. Gold, offers Emma his services as benefactor. He’s like a local government level lobbyist without a finite cause, but it doesn’t stop him from corrupting and extorting! His first act as the OUAT version of Karl Rove is to point out what seemed obvious to me, Regina is overextending her mayoral authority. As the town charter states: the mayor can nominate a candidate, but the town must ultimately decide by election. Now Emma’s back in the running and the Queen smells something fishy. Actually more like sheepy…since he using that sheep crap oil to stain woodwork…oh never mind.

Back in the FTL (the much less crunk cousin of the ATL), the Old Beggar plays the role of “tell us exactly what’s about to happen” Man by encouraging Rumpy to take another path besides flight. I enjoyed Robert Carlyle as Rumps very much in this scene. Sure he consumes the small screen with his over-the-top style, but I genuinely pitied this man, and identified with his struggle, whereas most of the fairy tale characters have displayed such naivete that their descent into evildoings did not surprise nor pain. Beggar, who is suspiciously knowledgeable (foreboding) tells of a magic dagger that when possessed controls the will of the biggest Sauron rip-off EVER a.k.a The Dark One. Currently, it is the Duke and champion of the Ogre Wars who owns the dagger. Without it, he would be powerless to whomever owned it. Rumpy shies away from being the slavemaster of pure evil (which sort of sounds like a redundancy), and Beggar proffers that instead of harnessing the power he can take it for himself. How may you ask? Well, Rumpy tells us five minutes later (through his exposition to his son) that if he uses the dagger to kill The Dark One, he shall become the new Dark One. Of course Rumps believes he can use the power to bring all of the drafted children back to their parents, so for good. Obviously this won’t happen, and the son already starts to question his father’s motives, probing him about if his mother really died or just left him due to shame. He mumbles that she is dead, which doesn’t seem to comfort the boy. So what’s the plan? Apparently these magical fortresses are made of half wood, so….burn baby burn!

Over in high stakes, yet no stakes, Storybrooke the campaign for Sheriff is in full swing. Regina wastes no time in beginning her smear campaign for The Chicken Man—Sorry, wrong and infinitely better show (Breaking Bad is awesome)—I mean, Sydney Glass, using anonymous sources to divulge that Henry, her adopted son, but natural son of Emma, was born in prison. Emma reluctantly admits to the boy that it’s true and starts for the first time to doubt whether their is any point to fighting his Evil Queen mother since she will always win if she continues to play dirty. This development was extremely encouraging to me, because since the pilot Henry would not shut his precious little mouth about how important it all was, about how good must triumph over evil, that Emma is the savior, blabitty blah blah blah. Needless to say when the kid started having some doubts I was THRILLED that maybe the kid, and the real world struggles would be more nuanced and not so dire all the time. Maybe we could just spend some time getting to know and love the characters of Storybrooke, maybe the whole parallel between FTL and real world would be less overt and the Queen could stop being so undoubetdly awful and might have I don’t know, some emotional complexity? Too much to ask probably, and not why people are tuning in I’m sure.

With Mr. Gold now in her corner though, he takes his steps towards amassing her political capital—by orchestrating a scenario where she saves Regina from a burning building. Wait what? Well, Gold sets up a contraption which creates a mini-explosion when one of the doors in City Hall opens creating a small wall of fire that he just KNEW Emma would be courageous enough carry her mortal enemy through. But how did he know Regina’s leg would get mildly crushed and she wouldn’t be able to walk. Also Emma is assuredly the kind of person who wouldn’t leave someone to die, but what if she were the one incapacitated, what if they both only had minor scratches and Regina walked out of her own accord? The idea behind it, that Gold would give Emma a chance to be the hero is an interesting commentary on public image in a time where the Republicans are scurrying about trying to find ANYONE who doesn’t harm conservative sensibilities, but logistically Gold couldn’t have “planned” that. It worked out nicely, but he is just too infallible of a evil mastermind, and his tactics required more than a Ben Linus-esque (LOST connections!) psychological manipulation (giving you an idea, and you making you believe it’s your own). Emma suspects Gold’s influence when she smells “that sheep crap oil” among the wreckage, and Gold neither denies nor confirms her suspicions with vague allusions to what he would have done if he had done it, doing a fine tribute to O.J. All Emma knows is she doesn’t want the kind of benefactor who will risk lives for a P.R. stunt.

In typical OUAT fashion, the parallels abound and Rumpy uses wool to burn down the half-wooden fortress of the Duke, all-too-easily stealing the dagger that reads the name of The Dark One—Zoso (okay…)—whom he summons so that he may steal his powers. It is revealed when Rumpy stabs him that…Yup, we ALL guessed it, the old beggar. Apparently being evil is quite the burden on your soul, and Bozo wanted out. We get beat over the head with the “Magic has a price” platitude again and Rumpy starts to bronze like Snooki, with even the same dead eyes. Then as his son is about to be forced into fighting the gruesome, red sky-inducing Ogre Wars, Rumpy appears for the first time in his Dark One form and slays all of the recruiters in epicly badass, and cheaply choreographed style, frightening his son of course with what he has become. Echoing Darth Vader, he loses all he loved and wished to protect because he sold his soul in order to protect it. But now as an audience we can all rejoice that swindling, murderous, greedy Rumpelstiltskin is BACK BABY.

Emma mulls over what to do about Gold’s PR bump as the debate nears and FINALLY we get the scene with the endearing friendship between her and Mary Margaret, where she opens up about why she even cares to be Sheriff. Her budding feelings for Graham aside, she wants to be someone in Henry’s life, even if she can’t be his mother. So instead she will be the hero. But what is the heroic thing to do? Then Archie (a.k.a Jiminy Cricket) begins as moderator absolutely infuriating me with “Use your conscience!” and a non-joke that incites, “Crickets.” Seriously, we get it! They are all fairy tale characters. Instead of making cheap allusions, maybe flesh out the personalities to create organic comparisons with their legendary traits? Yeah, they can’t hear me. After Glass recites overly rehearsed babble, Emma takes the stage and bravely divulges what really happened with that fire, implicating Gold, and even herself in the hoax. Gold leaves the audience, and Regina smiles devilishly. Due to the laws of  happily ever after though, Emma wins the election anyway, as her gall and fortitude shine through, endearing her to the people. Also…lucky for me…Henry is so encouraged by her willingness to stand up to evil he announces that Operation Cobra/Make everyone realize they are fairy tales, is back on! Goody!

Oh, and there’s one more thing. Remember how I didn’t buy that Gold could orchestrate her heroism in the first place, not being able to know for sure that the fire set-up would pan out? Well, it turns out that Gold planned all along for Emma to save Regina AND expose him for faking the danger for political gain. Huh? I mean I am familiar with long cons, and Horowitz and Kitsis had their fair share on LOST, but no way. Yes, there is a psychological precedent that Emma would behave that way, but there are so many variables, so many balls in the air there, I don’t know whether this reveal is absurdly awesome or awesomely absurd, but I bought it. If only because his goal was to make her Sheriff so that the favor she owes him, from WAY BACK in the season’s fourth episode where he pulled strings to make sure a pregnant girl (FTL’s Cinderella) kept her child, could be adequately handled from her position of authority.

Despite all the ways OUAT has opposite-of-shattered my expectations with its continued devotion to groanworthy character motivations and dialogue along with a rigid adherence to parallelism in its least subtle form I am encouraged by Rumpelstiltskin. He is a much more intriguing evil than the Queen by far. Whereas Regina/EQ makes her objectives  painfully obvious, and openly destroys lives to a point where a Storybrooke coup d’etat seems abundantly necessary, Rumps keeps his endgame close to the chest. Why did he make the curse in the first place? What vested interest does he have in the Queen’s success, or failure? And where the Queen’s personality is carbon copied in the real world, alter ego Mr. Gold seems to just be a more subdued Rumps, but is he? What could the favor he is holding against Emma have to do with his FTL prosperity? I am more interested in a con artist than I am someone who is openly ruining people’s lives. I fear more what I can’t see. Regina will be easy to defeat once these Storybrooke imbeciles wake up and smell the sheep crap oil!

OUAT continues to spurn my affections like an ex I don’t quite hate yet in retrospect, refusing to capitalize on its best attributes, (i.e. Mary and David, the cutest should-be couple ever, are only allotted a solid two minutes of very shoehorned interaction) and abusing me with its worst like its cheeseball plot twists and predictable storytelling. I’m continually encouraged though by the fairybacks’ subversion of happily ever after, even if the concept has already been beaten to death in it’s creators previous series (again, LOST, it’s wonderful). Now that the real world, despite its almost sitcom-like end-of-episode resolutions, has more at stake with Mr. Gold plainly stating that he is an even greater enemy than Regina, I finally feel like these somewhat lovable characters (mainly Emma and Mary Margaret) have something truly frightening to fight against beside Regina’s petty power trips. As the weeks go on she proves to be small potatoes, the popular girl who will always get her way until her adoring populace finds a more benevolent force to support. Adversely, Rumps/Mr. Gold is lurking in the shadows, unbeknownst to most, awaiting his chance to truly destroy any sense of tranquility these noble townsfolk once had. Mostly on this conditional basis of potential, and only partially for this episode’s intrinsic value, my “new year, new me’ positive outlook (not really) shines down favorably on a darkening, murky Storybrooke with a B*.

*A better overall show would have received a B-/C+for this quality of episode, but for a show this shaky in terms of finding its sweet spot, it’s one of it’s best efforts so far aside from the Cinderella episode, The Price of Gold.

Emma (Jennifer Morrison) looking shocked after Sheriff Graham (Jamie Dornan) almost hits her with a dart trying to get her attention.

I’m starting to wonder if this is how Kitsis and Horowotz pitched “OUAT” to ABC execs:

“Hey millionaires! So remember LOST? Yeah, that sci-fi mystery show that got you awards and viewers all at the same time? Well, picture this in those money-grubbing noggins of yours…we take the most infuriating elements of that show, the endless barrage of questions with no answers in sight, and instead of a magical island we have a world where fairy tales are real!”

The execs respond: “It’s gold! With Disney as our parent company we will have no problem gathering the licenses for a treasure trove of characters people already know and love. They will be falling over themselves to watch the old, familiar stories while sticking around hoping that there will be some sort of new development, but there will be practically none!” (Maniacal laugh)

No, but seriously, would you be surprised if that was true? Several times we get vague references to what Snow White did to the Queen to elicit her vengeful spirit, but we still don’t know what that is. The show has been dangling this mystery for 5 weeks now, and every time it’s referenced I thank that spot in the ceiling I stare at and call God that I won’t have to agonize anymore, and then those strumpets at the OUAT writing team tease me yet again! Wicked temptresses, for God’s sake just tell me what Snow White did to her! Twice this week you awkwardly addressed that hideous elephant and nothing! The huntsman asks the Evil Queen directly, “Why do you want her killed so badly, what could she have done to deserve your revenge?” I practically shoved my ear into the TV so I wouldn’t miss a word, but all that witch could say is, “I told her a secret, and she couldn’t keep it.” UGH. Yeah, because that’s something. Oh wait, except it’s not! What kind of answer is that? Did she spread a rumor that you have an STD?

Seriously, that just multiplies the possibilities. Before last night, Snow White had owned up to her crimes and the Evil Queen divulged that her life was ruined thanks to Snow, and that is why she deserves to be cursed, and honestly I would have been okay of they just said how right then and there. Let’s pretend for a second that I would watch this show if I wasn’t obligated. Well, I’m not tuning in to figure out if Snow White really deserves to be cursed. Sure, I would be intrigued if cute-as-a-button Ginnifer Goodwin had a dark streak to her, but that would only be a small facet of my overall intrigue. What I’m dying to know, is will these people ever go back to Fairy-Tale Land, or will the real world become their Happily-Ever-After. Their constant cloudiness over this motivation to enact the curse is a pretty insignificant lynchpin, and clearly a ploy to make us care about the show’s season-long arc. For me it is accomplishing the opposite. If the thing that sticks out most about an episode of television is what I didn’t get out, that’s an ominous sign: a foreshadowing that the show has no goddamn clue where it’s headed.

Thankfully, it wasn’t all stalling tactics and we had both our first major character death and the first recognition of their previous life. Once again stealing from the pages of LOST lore, Sheriff Graham (a.k.a The Huntsman in FTL, Fairy-Tale Land) gets his first flashes of his bow and arrow slinging past when he kisses Emma because he “needs to feel something.” This theme of the vulnerability of feelings would be shoved in to as much dialogue as humanly possible, but all the same it worked for me, primarily because of how the actors were allowed to play with the “walls” we put up to avoid pain. Jennifer Morrison and Ginnifer Goodwin steal the show as always with their dynamic, as Mary Margaret starts to reveal her maternal tendencies (her alter ego Snow White is mother to Morrison’s Emma) as she cautions Emma about the pitfalls of emotional barriers: “Those walls may not let in pain, but they also don’t let in love.” It’s simplistic, and something we all encounter when we figure out too late we’ve fallen to hard for someone, but it felt sincere and Morrison played it with the same sharp-tongued skepticism, with just a dash of optimism. Maybe she is willing to share her heart with the Sheriff, but just needs a little insurance so that she won’t get crushed.

For this week’s fairyback we meet said Sheriff’s FTL persona, The Huntsman. I was captivated by this tortured killing machine who was raised by wolves, but was slightly confused as to why a man who cries after his kills (which evokes for me the ritualistic respect Native Americans would give their prey) would make a perfect assassin for the Evil Queen. Regardless, he takes the job and leads Snow into the woods disguised as a knight. She calls his bluff though, pointing out his lack of condolences given for the death of her father. He chases her through the woods for a bit, and predictably corners her. He’s puzzled that she has stopped to write a letter, and Snow asks him to deliver it to the Queen along with her heart. Oh, yeah, one badass detail I totally dug was that the Queen collects the hearts of her victims. Sweeeeeet.

When the Huntsman reads the letter of forgiveness and remorse he’s understandably touched, and he spares her. He tries to dodge the consequences initially by giving his boss the heart of a stag, but she is not easily fooled. In her rage she rips his heart out with her bare hands (also pretty badass) and stores it in a chest on her wall of fame for hearts, I guess. From then on, he is without feeling and is bound to her as a sex slave. Gotta say the kinkiness and gore was a pleasant surprise as the fairybacks continue, IMO, to be the freshest and most thrilling part of the show. The continued subversion of the typical happy endings indicates to me that the show could delve deeper and become an honest examination of how fairy tales aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Here’s hoping.

Back in the less intriguing real world, Sheriff Graham has a vivid dream about a wolf while in bed with Regina (Evil Queen), still “trying to feel something.” And felt something he did indeed. Haha, oh sex humor. Anyways, the same wolf of his dreams appears to him in the streets and he starts to question what in the hell is happening? In his flash with Emma he saw himself lifting a knife up to stab someone who looked like Mary Margaret. He visits her, and we learn that no one seems to remember how they met each other in Storybrooke (more evidence of the curse), but otherwise she has no answers, but when he brings up past lives she directs him to Henry. Goddammit. Just when I thought it was going to be a Henry-free week. Much to the show’s credit though, we have been seeing less of him. Henry then shares The Huntsman’s story since that aligns with his flashes, and the Sheriff decides to follow the wolf as it must be his guide to the truth.

Along the way he runs into Emma, and together they inspect the forest the wolf leads them into, where they eventually end up at a large tomb. Inside, the Sheriff frantically looks for the heart that he’s convinced he doesn’t have. What else would explain the meaningless sex he’s having with Regina? I think it may have more to do with his penis than his heart, but that’s just me. Suddenly, Regina appears and is all like, “Why you snooping around my dad’s casket?” Then a sorta awesome, and much needed fistfight ensues between Emma and Regina, where Emma totally makes her bleed and Sheriff Graham tells her off claiming that it isn’t his heartlessness that’s the problem…the problem is her! GASP! When Regina tries to deflect the blame on Emma, she reminds Madame Mayor that Henry too ran away, and that maybe she needs to take a look in the mirror (HA!) and ask herself why everyone is leaving her. So what does Regina do? Oh….you know, what anyone would typically do in that scenario…climb down into the secret passageway under her dad’s casket, pull out the Sheriff’s heart and squish it into dust in her menacing grip. You know, the usual.

Though the act is cartoonish, but epic, the episode ends on a heartbreaking note as Emma finally does let love in. They share a romantic kiss and the electricity of it restores all of his past memories (again, just like the flash-sideways in LOST, where love and relationships triggered everyone’s memories), but immediately after telling Emma that he remembers he falls to his knees, dying instantly. The Regina death grip knows no mercy.

Yes, there is the emotional payoff and Morrison gets to show off her “heaving sobs while holding a dead body” chops, but it completely nullifies any advancement the episode made. The one guy who could prove that Henry was right dies as soon as he could provide that evidence. Again, if it wasn’t for the performances surrounding it all, the viewing experience would have been for nothing as we as well as the people of Storybrooke are none the wiser. Although, Emma certainly learned to not mix work and pleasure ever again, huh?

“OUAT” can both pride itself, and be ashamed for its consistency. All of the things I appreciate or even genuinely like are in full effect, but the gimmicky annoyances are always in rare form. So, for pulling my heartstrings in the Sheriff’s death (props to Jamie Dornan for going out with a bang despite little airtime to build up sympathy) and not compromising the darker sides of FTL, I tip my cap. But “Heart Is A Lonely Hunter” also dragged out needless mysteries, butchered a could-have-been thoughtful venture into vulnerability with repetitive, unsubtle dialogue, and shot the series in the foot by offing the guy who could have swung the momentum. This week’s OUAT is stag-nant (hehe, horse humor) and spurned by love again with a C+.

Josh Dallas as Prince Charming, filming his fight sequence in front of a green screen

So, in reviewing my review (cue Twilight Zone theme), I realized that in some ways maybe I was going to easy on the show. Granted a commenter (shoutout to Ablenight) felt the opposite, but I still think that I was grading this episode based on potential, on what I hoped it would become, both as a “Lost” fan rooting for Kitsis/Horowitz and as a TV fan who would love to see a quality fantasy drama on network television. I’m not ready to declare “Once Upon A Time” D.O.A yet. Truthfully, I liked a lot of what I saw last week, but because I was grading based on effort, this week’s installment takes a slight dip.

Not going to lie to you OUAT fans, most of the goodwill garnered by The Shepherd is based on a limited supply of Henry. He served his purpose, to explain to us his theory (or let’s be honest, he’s a mouthpiece for the show, so this is “the truth” as we know it) that David does not remember he is Prince Charming nor his life prior to the coma because he is has some sort of curse/amnesia hybrid plaguing him. Okay, little dude, now run along.

Once that was taken care of and we were transported into Fairy-Tale Land we were treated to a battle royal between Charming and….some Orc looking fella. Treated may be too nice of a word though. I might use subjected, because the special effects were God awful here especially. Cuts were taken too sharply and I struggled to follow the movements of both fighters, and the foggy cliff  green screen made everyone look like they were figurines up against a moving poster board made for a 5th grade science fair. Mind you, that’s me being kind.

However, when Charming got stabbed through the heart thinking his opponent was down and out, I got quite cheerful. Sure, death by sword is always awesome, but this particular reaffirmed to me the show’s commitment to subverting Disney lore with a bit of existential cloudiness. These magical beings, the ones we were so mesmerized by as children, can be made pawns of a cruel universe. Call me dead inside (I mean, that would be factually correct), but that is a great route for this show to go. The commonly held belief by Henry the Great…Pain in my Ass and OUAT-ers (?) is that Fairy-Tale Land will be their salvation. I personally would love to see the more complicated real world be a source of comfort and, heck, just as enchanted with potentials for happily-ever-after.

Due to Charming’s unexpected demise, King George (played by LOST vet, Alan Dale, who brings the same grab-life-by-the nuts attitude Charles Widmore had, to the role) consults Rumpelstiltskin. Initially, I was annoyed that Rumpelstiltskin and his fineprint-type deals would again be integral, but Carlyle’s silver-tongued demon is the best thing the show has going for it, so why not? I just wish they could diversify the baddies, or simply make the “good guys” morally gray through their own choices, as most trailblazing dramas of the last decade have. Then again, I suppose you could argue Rumpy is a conduit for evil, not a harbinger of doom himself.

King George’s predicament is this: he’s without a son to slay the dragon that threatens King Midas’ kingdom. This is personally taxing because his own kingdom is in need of gold. And well, Midas has a lot of it considering every thing he touches literally turns into gold. White people problems, huh? Rumpy doesn’t sympathize because he was the one that bequeathed Charming to him in the first place. Of course, he is always willing to make a deal so in exchange for whatever he wants, he will give King George the up-until-now secret twin brother. At first, I wondered whether the twins were Cinderella’s, but that wouldn’t work given the timeline established two episodes ago. Alas, it’s just another long lost sibling deus ex machina, which is expected, but still disappointing.

In the real world, David (Charming’s “real life” name) is having an identity crisis too. He understands that he was married to Kathryn, but doesn’t remember falling in love with her, and certainly doesn’t feel the chemistry now. He definitely has the hots for Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) though, and who could blame him? She’s friggin’ adorable, and she saved his life. That must be true love! I’m being facetious, obviously. The duo does set off sparks when they share the screen, but this will they/won’t they is wearing slightly thin. I enjoy their interactions, and Goodwin especially has the natural sweetness to pull off “sweet girl who falls for the wrong guys,” routine with sincerity, but what seems like an unsettling question isn actually destiny.

I have no reason to question that they will get back together even when David steps into Mr. Gold’s (Rumpy as real-world sleaze) pawn shop and eyes a windmill that jogs his memory. For an object that feels like it should be Chekhov’s windmill, something that was planted beforehand and emphasized so that we know it will resurface, I have no idea what it means. It was mentioned once when Kathryn was trying to jog David’s memory of their past life together, but is it somehow enchanted in Mr Gold’s shop? What memories does it conjure up? Much like the “twist” at the end of last week’s episode, I’m intrigued, but it feels like contrived, like I’m being manipulated to care.

And there is a lot I actually care about. For one, I care about Emma finding her place in Storybrooke. Her story gets a similar “men will disappoint you” treatment when she sees Sheriff Graham climbing out of Regina’s window during her midnight rounds. It was funny to see him shimmy down (shimmying is, after all, ridiculous), yes, but when we see Emma shake her head, we sigh, knowing her pain and wishing she didn’t have to be so jaded. Earlier, when trying to ease Mary Margaret’s mind, she laments her bad decisions with men and says that whenever she has had a hunch she was doing the wrong thing, it was wrong. This futility is relatable, and I’m invested in her and Mary’s happiness. But with Mary, there’s no indication that Fairy-Tale Land’s prophecy will not come true.

You know, that may be a huge problem with the show as a whole. A lack of surprise. I am continuously surprised by the grim truths our Fairy-Tale inhabitants must face. The realization that Prince Charming 2.0 could never see his mom again or the entire kingdom would fall apart is an impossibly huge, but nonetheless horrible, burden for a small farm boy to handle. I couldn’t help but think of Luke Skywalker, hopping on a speeder to Mos Eisley Cantina with a Jedi Knight only to come back to his farm and find his adoptive parrots charred to bits by the Empire. This Momma’s boy commiserated with Charming 2.0, because mothers can be amazing supports that you always want to have in your arsenal, and to lose that security is to not only lose love, but lose a bit of yourself. Those same kinds of stakes don’t exist in this show’s “real world.” Yes, at episode’s end David is trying to make things work with Kathryn and Mary Margaret is double-fisting drinks with a douchey doctor, but does anybody doubt at all that Henry is right and Emma will somehow break the curse and bring happiness for all Storybrooke’s townsfolk again? I’m more invested in the dark underpinnings of how Fairy-Tale Land came to be a breeding ground for widespread joy, the idea that Happily-Ever-After comes at a price that MUST be paid. If Happily-Ever-After has already been achieved, then it won’t be long before the magical reset button is hit.

Unless the show can convince me soon that Fairy-Tale Land was flawed from the beginning, that this curse is actually a road to redemption for these characters, and that they can only truly achieve happiness beyond the magical bounds of their homeland, then I might return to my faith of weeks prior. Right now, I just can’t see the magical forest through the singing trees, or whatever tress do in fairy tales. I’m seeing a formula at play, a formula that indicates a fairyback (a fairy-tale flashback, a term coined at The AV Club http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-shepherd,65911/) for each major character that provides insight into how each of them has been effectively pushed away from their paths to true happiness (whatever they think that is) by the curse. But through Emma-induced miracles, happiness starts to become reality and the Queen’s curse is rendered powerless. Storybrooke is no longer appears as a backwoods town in Maine, and is restored to it’s storyBOOK sheen. To me, that end as telegraphed is not exciting or rewarding. This would only reinforce that magic, an unattainable, intangible force (like fate) is what we need to be happy. Wouldn’t it be an even greater Happily Ever After, if it we could find it within ourselves?

I’m not ruling out the possibility that OUAT could rise to the heights of inspirational, emotionally resonant and fulfilling entertainment. “Lost” did it on ABC, why couldn’t this show? But I can only consider what I’ve been presented with thus far, and what I’ve seen is a lack of improvement week-to-week, or rather a complacency to stick with what works instead of expanding upon those strengths. “The Shepherd,” was especially frustrating, too, for its sloppy use of special effects during the Prince’s battle sequences. In spite of a host of consistently compelling performances (of which I would now include Josh Dallas as Charming/David and vehemently exclude Lana Parilla as Regina/Evil Queen and Jared Gilmore as Henry), I have my made my choice, C+.

As Sheriff Graham deputizes Emma, the ground shakes and a giant sinkhole mysteriously appears at the edge of town. But a curious Henry's life is placed in danger when he decides to explore the innards of the sinkhole to see if its contents can link the inhabitants of Storybrooke to the fairytale world. Meanwhile, back in the fairytale world, Jiminy Cricket yearns to leave the family business and transform into the person he wants to be, on "Once Upon a Time," (ABC)

Allow me to introduce myself…MY NAME IS HOV! And if you do not get that joke we cannot be friends.

My name is Chris Peck, and I will be handling weekly reviews of ABC’s breakout hit, “Once Upon A Time.” These reviews will be primarily for people who have viewed the episode in question and will be sprinkled with spoilers for those who haven’t. Unfortunately, since I am starting this coverage mid-season I will begin with tonight’s episode, the fifth so far. I don’t wish to go over the plot developments of the first four episodes in excruciating detail, but for those who are intrigued, or as a refresher for regular watchers I will provide the SparkNotes version.

The premise of “OUAT” (my cool guy abbreviation for the show) is that “all the fairy-tale characters we know,” are trapped in quaint, real-world Storybrooke, (no, seriously) Maine. A powerful curse, enacted by the Evil Queen, has imprisoned them there for 28 years. Up until now, the townsfolk have been unaware that they once led grand lives as classic fairy-tale characters (or, you know, maybe they were just townsfolk there too). The only person who seems to have a clue, is a boy with a book (how he came to possess this book with all the answers is still a mystery), Henry, the adopted son of Regina, the mayor of Storybrooke and (drumroll) the Evil Queen of Fairy-Tale Land (played by Lana Parrilla)! Also important to note, Henry’s bio-mom, Emma, a.k.a the legendary offspring of Snow White and Prince Charming has been whisked to Storybrooke by her prodigal son, and has become a permanent resident in order to get closer to him.

Okay, so sorry about the very quick summation of the premise. It is missing a lot of important details, but my hope is you catch up and can keep in sync with these reviews. If you want a more detailed synopsis of the pilot’s (and more) events check out Wikipedia. Back to tonight’s episode! (Chessy Adam West era-Batman cut)

Tonight’s episode was pretty okay. The biggest flaws the show has been struggling with since the horse left the gate were largely unproblematic, mostly because our flashback was a dark, morality tale like last week’s “The Price of Gold.” In both, Rumpelstiltskin clearly warns the familiar fairy-tale faces that when they dabble in magic, they are taking risks. However, they all-too-eagerly dive in head-first into the perilous seas of “I told you so.”

This week, Jiminy Cricket (played by Raphael Sbarge) is the subject of this week’s flashback spotlight. If you are unfamiliar with this technique, ”OUAT” was created by Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis, writers from a modestly watched show called “LOST.” That show pioneered the use of parallel flashback stories enlightening the present-day plot developments. Kitsis/Horowitz decided to employ the same technique here since they are dealing with two alternate worlds and a large ensemble. In the first two episodes I would say they largely failed to justify these flashbacks. Though the fairy-tale world is ripe with adventure and stories to tell, they were mostly used to establish what we already knew and did nothing but bog down the real-world happenings with shoved-in-my-face themes that paralleled the fairy-tale storyline. Though we still got some of these obvious winky-winks in tonight’s dialogue, they were much less noticeable.

Dr. Archie Hopper (yeah, one of those winky-winks) is the Storybrooke incarnation of Jiminy Cricket, and Henry’s psychiatrist. Early on, Henry’s Evil Queen mom, threatens to fire Archie if he doesn’t stop feeding into his delusions about fairy tales. Though in his clinical opinion it would be damaging to his psyche, he timidly obeys. During the next therapy session with Henry, he basically call the kid psychotic, to which the kid storms out, crying.

In his flashback he is beholden to his con-artist parents, whom he is seen pickpocketing for, though he clearly has moral objections to this sort of living. He stays with them even as an adult due to misplaced loyalty. This is never made entirely clear, why he feels so obligated to these awful people. We are expected to buy that his motives are familial guilt, though he clearly wants out. I largely let this go, as the parents themselves were a hoot as far as thieves go, but there seems to be no tangible roadblock for Jiminy despite wanting to be a good son over a good man.

One day, a boy gives him an umbrella as he unloads his parent’s wagon full of loot for their show (presumably another con) and he seems to reconsider his life due to the boy’s kindness. Then when he is sent to make an exchange with the sketchiest dealmaker around—Rumpelstiltskin (played with arresting chill by Robert Carlyle)—he decides to buy a magical potion to kill his parents with. All Rumpy wants in return is their bodies. Creepy…creepy awesome!

Jiminy plans to do the deed as he helps his parents on one last con. They ask an unassuming couple in the woods for shelter, and they proceed to sell them on an elf tonic, the only remedy that will save them from the plague. “Not THE plague, but a plague.” Once they exchange the elf tonic for some of their valuables, they run off. In a moment of ethical fury Jiminy tosses the potion on them like holy water, and nothing happens. The vile contains water. Then in a moment of traumatic realization he puts it together. His parents had switched the viles! He storms back into the cottage to find the couple has been transformed into shrunken dolls! Then Raggedy Ann and Andy’s kid comes home! Wow, guilt trip much?

Fortunately, the futility to escape an immoral life is not so in Storybrooke. Archie follows Henry into an abandoned mine in order to absolve himself from when he told his patient he was crazy earlier in the episode by saving him from being crushed by rocks. The kid is convinced the mine might be some sort of portal into the fairy-tale world. This is clumsily implied when there is movement beneath the mine after Emma (played with a welcome, dry wit by Jennifer Morrison) clips her new deputy’s badge to her belt. We get our oft anticipated “Duh, Henry” moment when he says, “Did you make any changes today? Did you do anything different?” Obviously, the fact that Emma has a job means she is sticking around, and this important. Thanks, little guy!

Whilst they Archie and Henry are stuck in the mine there is the usual chest-thumping over who is Henry’s “real mom” between Regina and Emma. Inside, there is some pleasantly honest dialogue. Henry stops being the fairy-tale equivalent of a Bible thumper long enough to admit that the reason he believes is mostly because, “There has to be more than this.” This is a common theme amongst the downtrodden in fairy tales, but it feels genuine in our own disappointing reality where cynicism is accepted and optimism is questioned. Archie also admits to feeling like he couldn’t be Jiminy Cricket, as Henry suspects, because he doesn’t always do what is right. When Henry assures him it took Jiminy Cricket awhile to find his right path, he believes that maybe it isn’t too late for him.

After an extremely miscalculated endeavor with explosives (why would blowing up the rock formations be a GOOD idea?) Emma is lowered into the mine (after a brilliant dalmatian sniffs out their location…yeah, really contrived), and for a moment we are lead to believe that Archie Hopper might be the first true death on the show as he hoists the kid up first, but as the elevator they were sitting in (another brilliant idea) caves, his umbrella, ah the trusty umbrella, hooks on to an apparatus and he is saved by his lucky charm. Once above ground, Archie has the guts to stand up to Regina and not so subtly reminds her that she may need him in a custody battle to testify on Henry’s behalf. Therefore, she will let him practice as he pleases. I guess blackmail CAN be considered of sound conscience. Wait, what?

We get a quick transition back to fairy-tale land where in the first true Pinocchio nod, Jiminy wishes upon a star. The Blue Fairy answers his plea and grants him his wish to be a cricket. He loves how they sound, and thinks they are the epitome of free, whatever. The Blue Fairy alerts him of his one condition: he must take care of a.k.a be the conscience for the newly orphaned boy. His name…GEPPETTO! Man, you should have seen that coming…but if you didn’t it’s cool, because the reveal could definitely sneak up on you if you weren’t waiting for it.

The other development is largely unimportant, though well received if only for the appearance of the naturally adorable Ginnifer Goodwin, who plays Mary Margaret Blanchard, Henry’s teacher and Snow White! Her storyline focuses on how the freshly awake from a coma and former Prince Charming feels so right with her. These scenes were the most cringe-inducing in their complete lack of subtlety to relate the two worlds. We know they will end up together despite his marriage to a suspect, and yet nauseatingly nice Kate Nolan, so lines like “You are the one thing that feels real,” would feel a lot more tender if he hadn’t just woke up yesterday. Yes, Goodwin’s undeniable cuteness makes me root for these two lovebirds, but any chemistry is one sided as Josh Dallas’ Charming still feels stale and one note, convincing as a looker, but not quite a charmer. But honestly, we get it, they’re soulmates. You can chill with the true love stuff. I mean, God, life isn’t a fairy—OHHHHH.

Clearly, in a fantasy meets real world drama there will be logical issues, so these will be forgiven to a a degree. But the mine shaft itself felt like a TOTAL curveball, and the episode’s final image, a peeved Regina tossing a stray piece of glass into the mine which at the bottom has many broken pieces of glass, seemed way too forced. Yes, the kid alluded to its existence as a portal, but I was lost as to what this meant at all. The online chatter suggests it could be the evil queen’s mirror, or Snow White’s glass coffin (from her fake death). The myriad choices are not from clever design, but from a lack of context. This kind of trickery for its own sake should not be tolerated, and as writers of “LOST,” Horowitz and Kitsis should know better. As mentioned the flashback stepped up as a clever twist on an old classic with a dark morality play to underscore and even contrast, and not completely overwhelm and exaggerate, the present-day plot. I worry a bit that Rumpelstiltskin may be over-utilized right now, because Carlyle and the character have the most gripping screen presence, but as long as the twist every week isn’t “Rumpy makes it gritty because he makes things turn out not as they’d planned” I’m going to remain optimistic that they have figured this flashback thing out for the time being. Ginnifer could have been used for better purpose, Morrison could have been used more humorously, and Evil Queen/Henry could have been—there a helluva a lot less. But for a refreshing Jiminy Cricket spotlight OUAT earns a B-.

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According to TV Guide, the new remake of Charlie’s Angels isn’t doing so well with the viewers.  The new series was the lowest-rated show on Thursdays, with ratings that dropped 20 percent.

ABC’s Angels plummeted to 5.9 million viewers, with a low 1.2 rating.  In fact, most of ABC’s Thursday night shows did poorly, even the fan favorite Grey’s Anatomy.

The drop can partially be blamed on the baseball playoffs on TBS, but next week will tell what the fans really think.

“Uncle Frank” Potenza, a regular guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” died Tuesday morning. He was 77.

Potenza was actually the uncle of host Jimmy Kimmel. The nighttime talk show host tweeted: “thank you for your kind words about a very kind man – my Uncle Frank – who passed away this morning.”

Potenza was a New York City police officer for 20 years and has been a regular fixture on the show since 2003.

Playing a security guard on the show, Potenza regularly took part in comedy bits featuring an actual security guard, Guillermo Rodriguez, who works security in the parking lot.

The show’s producers released a statement saying that his “kindness and humor” would be missed.

A cause of death was not released.

Apparently it’s harder than it seems to fall in love with a perfect stranger that you met on television while millions of people watched.

Emily Maynard and Brad Womack have officially split up, People reported.

“We’re no longer engaged,” a crying Maynard told People magazine after an interview with “Bachelor” host Chris Harrison, scheduled to air during the July 11 episode of “The Bachelorette.”

The 25-year-old single mom from North Carolina has been hounded by press and photographers pretty much since she appeared on television.

Womack, 38, told People “the demise of our relationship was completely my fault.”

We’re sure we’ll see these two again.

Chris Brown lost temper in his dressing room at “Good Morning America” and broke a window with a chair.

Robin Roberts had hounded him about his attack on Rihanna.

Brown appeared on the show Tuesday morning in order to promote his new album, “F.A.M.E.,” which came out on the same day. However, Roberts repeatedly asked him about the 2009 attack on Rihanna even though Brown told her, “This album is what I want them to talk about and not what happened two years ago.”

After the interview, Brown performed. He was scheduled to perform another song but he went to his dressing room and started smashing things, the source reported.

ABC News released a statement and said, “As always, we ask questions that are relevant and newsworthy, and that’s what we did in this interview with Mr. Brown.”

The singer tweeted after the incident, “I’m so over people bringing this past s**t up!!! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there bulls**t. Thank you to everyone who supports my music!!! Key Word (music) !!! Love y’all. All my fans!!! This album is for you and only you!!! I’m so tired of everyone else!! Honestly!! I love team breezy!!”

Ken Baumann may star on the television show “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” but his life is anything but secret. He shares his career path freely and comfortably speaks as if he has known you for years. With a sense of ease and confidence, Baumann reveals what happens in his life behind-the-scenes.

Acting, writing and drawing have always been of interest to Baumann. His parents encouraged his creativity so he participated in many school plays and read classic literature from a young age.

“Eventually performance took priority because I seem to be ok at it,” Baumann joked. “I managed to find some work (and) it has kind of been a very natural journey.”

“The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” which airs on ABC Family, has been well received and will begin its fourth season on March 28. Baumann had previously filmed pilot episodes for four other shows that never reached production. He recalls his initial response to the opportunity to star in “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” was pure excitement.

“Just being able to know that my work is finally going to be seen, it is going to be legitimate and it will be on TV finally — that felt great,” he said.

The show addresses many issues facing teenagers today including unwanted pregnancies, drugs, alcohol and death. Baumann plays the role of Ben Boykewich who he said he can relate to.

“From the beginning I was able to identify with him because [he was a] freshman in high school and all he wanted to do was lose his virginity. I was right there with him; I think most people are,” said Baumann. “So I was able to just jump back in time a couple of years and get awkward again and relive that quest for the Holy Grail.”

Baumann has typically played the role of a teenager navigating life’s complexities but regards this character as his favorite because it feels true to him. However, he said Ben is also his most challenging role because he has never played one character for so long. While Baumann is enjoying his current project, he still hopes to take on different roles in the future.

“I would love something that really stretches any sort of boundaries that I have in my head about what I could and couldn’t do,” he said. “I would love something that is really physically strenuous.”

Although Baumann is not physically stretching himself, figuratively he is pushing himself beyond the scope of acting. He is the founder of Sator Press, which is a non-profit that publishes indie books and full novels. The first book he published was “The Complete Works of Marvin K. Mooney.” He credits that book with compelling him to begin the press, which he had previously contemplated but not pursued.

“It was a lot of work but it felt so, so right. It was just a rush; it felt great,” he said.

Baumann is currently the editor-in-chief, publisher, creative director, head designer, webmaster and source of funding for the press and does not see that changing any time soon.

“It is a one- man show,” said Baumann. To his credit, he doesn’t seem to mind the work and instead finds it rewarding. “I really love working with the author and just getting to know what they want for their book cover and trying to give them that,” he said. “I also like one-man businesses; it is a really honest ethical thing to do.”

According to Baumann, the response for the first book was really positive and he even received a hand-written letter from a reader expressing her appreciation.

“That one letter is worth it to me; the whole experiment is worth it,” he said. “That proves to me that there is a desire for weird, challenging works of art and people can appreciate that.”

Baumann expressed that he sometimes feels that he doesn’t have enough to do but many would beg to differ. In addition to filming “Secret Life,” he is also releasing another book from his press in the next three or four months and he just finished writing a script with friend, Ned Vizzini (author of the book It’s Kind of a Funny Story, which was recently adapted into a movie). With these projects in addition to spending time with family and friends, Baumann’s plate seems to have just enough on it to keep his appetite for creativity satiated.

WCVB-TV, Boston’s Channel 5, announced Saturday that it may no longer be carried by DIRECTV starting January 1 if the two parties can not come to an agreement on the ongoing retransmission negotiations.

Translation — WCVB to DIRECTV: “show me the money.”

By law, satellite television distributors can only carry stations with their consent. WCVB is the Boston ABC affiliate, and it’s parent company, Hearst Television Inc., has been lodged in discussions with DIRECTV over extending an agreement that grants those permission, which expires at the end of the year.

“We believe that we and DIRECTV can conclude our negotiations before January 1st so as not to deprive any of our respective viewers and customers of our programming,” said WCVB president and general manager Bill Fine, in a statement released Saturday that appears to turn the screws on DIRECTV. “However, we want to advise our viewers and customers that the possibility of non-renewal of our current agreement exists.”

Hearst owns 29 televisions stations across the country.

ABC canceled “My Generation” after just two episodes Friday. The show fell from a 1.6 rating in its debut to a 1.1 adult 18-49 rating last night, averaging just over 3.8 million viewers. The show was met with negative reviews

ABC has not announced what they will replace the show with at 7 p.m. this Thursday.

Editor’s note: We’re Blast Magazine. We’re Gen-Y. We know this shit.

I’m not trying to cause a big sensation, I’m just talking about "My Generation." ABC’s new hour-long drama series (Thursdays at 8 p.m.) about Generation Y — my generation — premiered last Thursday, and will likely not cause a big sensation either. The premise is that a documentary filmmaker chronicled a group of seniors at an Austin, Texas high school in 2000 and now, in 2010, reconnected with the same people to see the directions their lives have taken over the course of the decade. The catch is that the 2000 documentary and characters are completely fictional.

Not just fictional, but phony.

Despite some strong individual performances, the pilot of "My Generation" failed to capture the generation for both creative as well as societal reasons. From one perspective, the show suffers from a maelstrom of cliche and an absence of subtlety and nuance. Beyond the quality of this individual series, any show or film attempting to chronicle the group of Americans who grew up in the late 1990s and are presently entering adulthood is doomed due to the status of that "generation"—that it simply is not fully developed or aware of its place in history.

First, the show itself. While "My Generation" may work as a clever spoof of bad documentary, reality television and cliched high school television characters, that is not its intent and it instead combines elements of all three motifs. The 2000 documentary introduced nine students known mostly by one-dimensional character label nicknames. Each character has a name yet is referred to by titles on the screen by his or her nickname. The nicknames and characters they represent are: The Brain, The Jock, The Overachiever, The Rock Star, The Rick Kid, The Wall Flower, The Punk, The Beauty Queen and The Nerd.

Any show that has an inner show (a "show inside the show") faces the hurdle of the quality of the inner show. NBC’s fall 2006 season one-and-done "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" which was a fictional take on the production, cast and crew of a live weekend night sketch comedy show had difficulty because the sketches inside the inner show were not funny. Conversely, "The Larry Sanders Show" established itself as one of the 90s best comedy series because the show inside the show, a fictional late-night talk show with Gary Shandling playing host Larry Sanders and Jeffrey Tambor playing the Ed McMahon announcer/sidekick character, itself was high quality.

With "My Generation," the 2000 documentary that set up the present mockumentary is neither likable nor believable. Like a poor real documentary and badly-written fiction, the fictional 2000 documentary creates thin characters. In real life and as shown in good high school documentaries, people span multiple categories and possess multiple character traits even if they appear to be a stereotypical "jock," "nerd," "band geek," "cheerleader" or other high school archetype. The real 2008 high school documentary "American Teen," directed by Nanette Burstein, followed five students over the course of their senior year at a high school in Indiana. While Burstein likely selected the students due to their iconic high school character types—there are a cheerleader, basketball player, band musician, artsy girl and another athlete—she did not narrowly define their characters nor give them one-dimensional nicknames or scenes, and, over the course of the film, it becomes clear that these students are multifaceted, interesting and real people (the cheerleader is also a top student, the basketball star is invested in his education and the artsy girl, while still a drama queen, dates the other basketball player and is not the cynical, sarcastic character one might expect her to be).

"My Generation" starts with the stereotypical high school characters and makes them the characters of its show. To its credit, the pilot shows how the 2010 characters are different (and in some cases the same) as their 2000 selves. This could work as a send-up on formulated shows and acts, whether they be reality shows or boy bands, whose casts and members always fit the same demographics (a device created, perpetuated and possibly parodied by MTV’s "The Real World") but the tone of the show is not satiric.

The cliched characters nicely lead into cliche plot lines. In the pilot, the Overachiever learns that he is the father of the Wallflower’s child. That the child is the result of a one-night stand is cliche’ #1 (because even on good TV shows such as "Mad Men," which, according to hitfix.com television critic Alan Sepinwall, used this device at least three times to date, and movies like "Knocked-Up"—having sex with a person once leads to a pregnancy). The prom-night timing is cliche #2. That the one-nightstand involved two people that likely would not get together in real life is #3. To top it off and giving quadruple cliche’ word score: the father did not find out until ten years later that he had a child. Of course the call from the Wallflower telling him of his paternity came when he was on camera.

Another classic cliche is the soap opera love triangle. The Rich Kid marries the Beauty Queen (who is now an Ice Queen) but is still in love with his high school girlfriend, the Brain, and the Beauty Queen knows. Now they will be reunited in documentary filming and cliched hijinks will ensue. The other major stock relationship is the girl and the obsessed male best friend. The Nerd (a man) and the Punk (a woman) dated in high school but became friends after it didn’t work out. The Punk married the Jock, who left his basketball scholarship at Stanford for military service in September of 2001, and is now pregnant with his child while he is in Afghanistan. Punk girl lives with Nerd man who is helping her with her pregnancy while insisting that he’s fine they are just friends even though he masturbates to thoughts of her flashing her husband in a video chat (again, this show lacks subtlety). See Brat Pack flick "Pretty in Pink" for a better take on this idea (Molly Ringwald as the punkish girl and Jon Cryer as iconic just-friend Ducky).

Beyond the hackneyed characters and storytelling, the show faces the difficulty of trying to chronicle a generation is timing. Ten years is not a lot of time for young people in the present time. After high school, college and professional school can easily account for the bulk of a ten-year time period. Ten years out of high school, many people are just beginning to start their careers and families.

More importantly, it is just too early to look back at ten years and know just what impacted people and society profoundly enough to highlight in a television show. Most attempts fall flat as obvious and gimmicky. Gratuitous shots in "My Generation" of characters using Facebook and video chat software are done over the top, begging the question as to at what generation the show is aimed—older people who are not up to speed on the technological prowess of the nation’s young-ins?

"Mad Men" is a great show that shows the culture and cultural change of the United States through the lens of advertising and New York in the 1960s. The first season, set in 1960, premiered in 2007. "Happy Days" flashed back to the 1950s and later the early ‘60s and aired twenty years after its setting. "The Wonder Years," a show some have compared "My Generation" to, focused on teen angst during the peak of Vietnam in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s and aired in the 1990s.

A show about the ‘90s and 2000s that properly incorporated the Clinton and Bush administrations, cellular technology and the Internet, terrorism and the wars against terror and other concepts we are still developing and trying to make sense of, will be a compelling show…in about twenty years when we finally have. Most likely it will happen when filmmakers and television executives and writers from the 2000s generation have taken over the entertainment industry.

ABC’s "My Generation" is not the answer. I expect and hope something else is. This is my generation, baby.

DALLAS — In March of 2010, 13-year-old Taylor Storch, daughter of Todd and Tara Storch, died tragically in a Colorado ski accident. In the wake of this devastation, the Storch’s made the tough decision to donate Taylor’s organs, including her heart. Though donations usually remain anonymous, Dallas ABC reporter Gary Reaves helped the Storch’s hear their daughter’s heartbeat once again.

Patricia Winters, 40, found herself sick and lethargic following the birth of her second son. Winters, a nurse, was the lucky one to receive Taylor’s young, strong heart. Through the internet, she was able to find out that Taylor was her donor by visiting Taylorsgift.org. There, she looked at pictures and watched videos of a girl whose life was cut too short.

Winters connected with Tara Storch via email, and the two families decided to meet.

“That’s really what I wanted since the very beginning,” said Storch, “is to find who has her heart and have a connection with that person…I can’t wait to hug the person who has her heart.”

And she did just that. Watch the video above to witness the moving encounter between Tara and Patricia as they connect over Tara’s heartbeat.

Detroit 1-8-7

LOS ANGELES — In a typical fall season where formulaic cop and crime shows dominate the network lineup, “Detroit 1-9-7″ is taking a different angle. Much like the series “Southland” and summer hit “Rookie Blue,” “Detroit 1-8-7″ is primarily a character drama that doesn’t lean on the shock-value of graphic forensic scenes or realistically horrifying crimes.

The series is lead by an impressive cast. Most notable are Michael Imperioli (“The Sopranos”) as Detective Louis Fitch and James McDaniel (“Taken”) as Sergeant Jesse Longford; their performances stand out, both characters both being, at times, poignant and witty.

Viewers are drawn to the show’s raw, emotional standpoint; critical, if you’re goal is to keep people tuning every week. Detroit 1-8-7 gets right into the nitty-gritty by beginning with a fatal shooting and ending with a surprising turnabout.

The first episode isn’t perfect. The character types are slightly cliche — Longford plays the lovable veteran to Finch’s gruff, no-nonsense character — but the cast’s chemistry helps. Some of the scenes are a bit of an info dump the viewer never suffers from lack of information. On the upside, the soundtrack throws a bone to Detroit, the home of Motown, with a blend of current songs and classic soul hits.

Blast previewed Detroit 1-8-7 and chatted with Michael Imperioli and James McDaniel about the show and their impressions of Detroit itself.

Michael Imperioli

BLAST: What attracted you both to your roles?

MICHAEL IMPERIOLI: I was attracted to the different eccentricities [of the character] and methods in being a detective. In a lot of the scripts that I read … the characters are not always defined. It’s more about catching the crook, and the procedure of catching them.

JAMES McDANIEL: I think the thing that hooked me is that … after reading so many scripts [over the years] you know after 10 pages if the writer hasn’t done it by then, then it ain’t going to be done. This was truly a page-turner for me. I knew by the second page that we were into something. The sensibilities, the humor … the intellect of the piece itself; there was no way I couldn’t have done this one.

BLAST: There are some cliffhanger moments in the show already; is that something we’ll come to expect with the show?

JM: Fact is stranger than fiction, and there is so much going on in this town that is unusual. If you follow the path, you’ll find that all the stories are…surprising as the city itself.

BLAST: Was this first time you guys worked in Detroit? And what was it like for you?

James McDaniel

MI: This is the first time I’ve been to Detroit is when I came up to do this.

JM: I had come years ago, when they opened up the African American museum here which was marvelous. But I didn’t get a chance to really see and get to know the city. So this is my first time really getting to know Detroit. It’s such a lovely town, I could easily spend the next seven years here.

BLAST: Speaking of Detroit, the music plays such a big part in the city’s history. They’ve been promoting the show with The Temptations song, "Ball of Confusion." What do you think of the music that’s on the show too? Will the music underscore it?

MI: The city has such a rich musical history. Motown is the obvious one, but punk had big influence here too with Iggy Pop, and The Stooges all the way up to today with White Stripes and Enimem.

JM: The city has such a songbook of music.

BLAST: Michael, your character Detective Louis Fitch is an intriguing character. What do you think makes him good at what he does?

MI: He genuinely cares about people, ultimately. I think he sees people as human beings first before labeling them criminal, gangster or thug. He sees them as a person; somebody’s father, somebody’s son. I think that makes all the difference.

BLAST: And what about your character, Sergeant Jesse Longford?

JM: He’s a guy who’s been on the force for 30 years, and this is a tough town to [be in] for that long. He’s the type of man who, at his core, wants the right thing to happen. He’s got the experience and the wily years to make that happen. And he’s got some secrets too.

You can catch "Detroit 1-8-7" Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on ABC.

LOS ANGELES — The art of comedy is fairly simple: you’re either funny or you’re not. It’s not the type of genre that’s easy to fake, and with many new series this fall it’s a race for the next big hit. Last year, ABC struck gold with it’s unconventional and witty comedy, “Modern Family.”

This year, ABC hopes to add upon its success with “Better With You” written by “Friends” writer Shana Goldberg-Meehan. The pilot of “Better With You” is also directed by television veteran James Burrows whose previous work includes “Cheers” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”

“Better With You” is a story about the Putney family told in three parts, exploring the dynamic of relationships at different stages. Mia Putney (Joanna Garcia) is the youngest of the Putney clan whose free-spirit lifestyle reflects the impulse of young love. Then there’s Maddie Putney (Jennifer Finnigan,) the reliable older sister who is happy in her secure relationship marriage or not. Finally there are the parents: Vicky and Joel Putney who after several decades of marriage show the humorous yet sturdy foundation through the good and bad. The series’ enthusiasm is contagious and the casting pitch perfect; the natural chemistry onscreen is what makes this new series hilarious.

Looking more into this series, Blast spoke to the “Better With You” leading ladies Joanna Garcia and Jennifer Finnigan.

Jennifer Finnigan

Joanna Garcia

BLAST: The chemistry between the two of you on the series “Better With You” is really great, how has it been working together?

JOANNA GARCIA: It’s been heavenly. We’ve known each other for years, actually. Always rooting each other on, and adoring each other. So it’s really nice to get this chance for the two of us to [work] together, of course it’s not just the two of us, there’s a lot of wonderful people on the show. At the heart of it, it’s nice to know you can go to work with someone you really trust and know.

JENNIFER FINNIGAN: And that’s it. Trust. Trust is such a big issue. We totally trust each other and we make each other laugh. We confide in each other too. This isn’t new for us either. We both have been doing this for a very long time. We’re old pros, and we know it comes down to good work and getting along. There’s no drama.

JG: Yeah! There’s no that [drama.]

JF: There’s not that all all.

JG: Thank goodness! (laughs) And it’s nice, it’s always nice to be able to go to work and be happy.

BLAST: Your characters deal with some issues in their lives, and their love lives. What were your thoughts on the script? It’s relevance on your life or maybe your friends’ lives? How appealing was the comedy for you?

JG: When we read the script there was that initial notion we were doing something that was very relevant. I think for me, after being in this business for so long, you want to do something that you feel is relatable, that you can connect to and grow with … And in this medium it’s so fun to let yourself go and have fun. And to know that it’s no so far out there that only a small percentage of the country will get … we’re doing something that people can understand at all different stages of their romantic relationships. It’s [about] sisters and family, and all different dynamics. I think that’s why it works and fits well with this night [Wednesday]. ABC is doing a great job of throwing comedy that’s out there. And I’m really humbled to be [ and have the show] sandwiched in-between “The Middle” and “Modern Family”

JF: Me too! Those are some of my favorite shows! We’re kind of grounded in reality with this show. It’s not like a high concept, crazy [show.] And for me personally, I’ve been in a relationship for six years and married for three. So when I read the script I thought, “Gosh, I can kind of relate to parts of this script … ” like that young, hot, and new relationship; then that comfortable, loving, very nurturing relationship. The parents on the show, there’s this deep love but who have been together for years but they drive each other nuts. There’s times where I’ve been with my husband, and yeah we kind of drive each other nuts too but for the most part it’s very grounded and very loving too. When I read the script, I felt like I get this … I really get this.

BLAST: You mention the cast, are there going to be any special any guest stars or appearances coming up?

JF: I don’t know … do you know (to Joanna?)

JG: I think with this first season of the show they’re kind of focusing on just us [the main cast] but we do have some guest starring roles … for instance this week I think you get to meet Maddie’s assistant.

JF: Who maybe has an unhealthy attachment, or crush on me (Maddie.)

JG: Or obsession

JF: It’s really funny.

JG: So it’s really interesting to see how people come in and out. There’s a lot happening in our small nucleus [of a family.]

JF: But we should really get some funny guest stars.

JG: Yes, we can start a list.

JF: A wishlist!

“Better With You” airs Wednesdays this fall at 8:30 p.m. on ABC.

The ABC mystery/dramedy series "Castle" stars Nathan Fillion as the wealthy, best-selling author Richard Castle, along with Stana Katic as a hard-nosed detective, Kate Beckett. The success of the show has earned itself a third season starting this fall, and this is due to its cult fan following and charismatic characters. This year at the San Diego Comic Con the cast and team for "Castle" took a break to talk with fans and press. In attendance were cast members: Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic, Jon Huertas, Seamus Dever, Tamala Jones, and Molly Quinn; Followed by creator/writer Andrew Marlowe and executive producer Laurie Zaks.

Blast got the chance to chat with them behind the scenes after their audience panel in the press room. In addition to the audio for some of the interviews, here are some of the highlights:

Tamala Jones (Dr. Lanie Parish)

QUESTION: How do you prepare for playing the character of Dr. Lanie Parish?

TAMALA JONES: I don’t do the medical training…what I do as far as training is I watch "The First 48" on A&E (channel), "Dr. G Medical Examiner", and I also watch a lot of forensic files; especially Dr. G because she talks about her patients as if she were still a live.

Q: Will Lanie be instrumental in solving more cases?

TJ: Yeah, we’re getting into that this season…there’s also going to be a full episode about Lanie. So you guys get to know me a little better…I can just tell that you will be getting the background story.
They were going to do something a little more dangerous, a kidnapping, but they’re not going to be doing it anymore. So they’re still teetering with the storyline for her, but it’s nice because you get to see her background. There’s also a little romance with (Detective Javier) Esposito too…a little bit down the road.

Q: Speaking of romance, Lanie seems to be a very good friend for Beckett in terms of giving advice on her love life. If there is this romance for Lanie, how will Beckett and Castle react to it? In other words, Lanie has dished it out to Beckett and Castle, how will they approach her?

TJ: Oh, no, I think Lanie is much more sneaky. You’ll have to catch her and Esposito (laughs) like "oh…we were just…um, talking in the room. We’re all good." I think that may be the case and Beckett may ask about it, and she’ll (Lanie) say "what are you talking about?" (dismiss it.) I think Lanie is more "I got this…" in the dating game. (She) doesn’t want to put it out there. She’s got to keep it a secret since it’s someone who works with Beckett. You can’t let it out too fast, you know?

Q: With the fallout in what has happened in the relationship between Castle and Beckett, in what direction will Lanie go this season? You already talked about the Lanie episode, but will they build up to it? Or will it be a stand alone episode?

TJ: Oh they’re definitely building up to it. And actually, in the episode we’re shooting now? I can’t really (say anything about it.) But they’re starting to get there, thank god! The fans have been writing in and they want to know what’s going on with Lanie. So it pressures (the show) to write about it, so it will build up. They’re not just going to throw it in there and take it away. (laughs) It will linger and they will come back to it.

Stana Katic (Detective Kate Beckett)

QUESTION: So we’re dying to know what happens next!

STANA KATIC: So we get back from the last episode, and Castle doesn’t let Beckett know he’s back in town. He’s doing a book signing, and she realizes he’s back in town…and then there’s a murder. Other than that I found out Beckett has a motorbike. (grins) Don’t ask me anymore about that bike. That’s all I can say.

Q: Do you two solve the murder together?

SK: I hope so! Actually, we have to make amends and decide if we’re going to be a working team together? Do you have a relationship? Do I have relationship? What’s the deal? And where do we stand?
And there’s a big fat case on the table.

Q: On the subject of Beckett and Castle, there’s that romantic tension between the two of them; a tightrope of will they? Or won’t they? How is that element going to factor in knowing where your character is right now and the rest of the season? Will that be addressed early on or work its way throughout the season?

SK: The piece of the information you’ll get early on is that he (Castle) is still with his ex-wife. (smiles) So…we got to work through that first. For Beckett, she says in season one "I’m the one and done type." So there’s a lot of integrity to her. She’s the type of girl who is like, " Well…you’ve had two marriages that didn’t work out, what happened?" So I think there’s a little bit of trust building, and sussing everything out…she doesn’t want to go out with a gigolo (smiles). So I think she wants to make sure all the waters are safe before diving in.

Q: Will we get more answers about Beckett’s past? Will we see more of her family’s story? For example, her mother?

SK: We do have an episode where…her (former) training officer is now a bounty hunter. So there’s this crime revolving around their relationship, and he reveals a lot about her past. And the two have this fabulous quality about them. And I think they’ll (eventually) delve into her mom’s murder. I hope they give her some time to be at home, be with friends, you know? Be the Beckett that she is when she’s not on the job.

Q: A lot of people came down Sunday morning just to see your show. How was that for you?

SK: It’s overwhelming; it’s just a very different experience. This is my first Comic Con and so people are always asking me "What’s it like working with Nathan?" And he’s like an older brother, he’s been doing this for a long time. He knows how it goes, and in the same vein he’s been to Comic Con a few times. It’s like old hat. I just sat up there and was like WOW. It’s touching in way to see people support and be there.

Summertime is starting to feel more like fall with the amount of new series’ debuting recently. Among them is ABC’s cop drama "Rookie Blue," a show that follows the lives of five rookie cops fresh out of the academy with big dreams and ambitions. Missy Peregrym ("Heroes," "Reaper") and Gregory Smith ("Everwood") are some of the cast members who spoke with Blast about this new series in a special video interview.

"Rookie Blue" also stars Charlotte Sullivan, Enuka Okuma, Travis Milne, Ben Bass and Eric Johnson. The series airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on ABC and premieres June 24.

After four seasons the show that introduced an “unattractive” woman as its main character will come to an end. Ugly Betty, starring America Ferrera, holds it show finale Wednesday, April 14, and its expected to be a memorable goodbye.

Betty, who has undergone a major evolution from bullied geek to respected associate editor at Mode, a fashion magazine, may be moving to the UK. Not only that, bad girl Wilhelmina Slater, played by Vanessa Williams, may die.

In the penultimate episode Tyler, Neal Bledsoe, confronts his mother Claire, Judith Light, for giving him away when he was born. He has a gun during the confrontation and Wilhelmina steps between mother and son to try to take the gun away from Tyler, who is shocked and emotional.

A shot is fired and the show ends in suspense. Leaving viewers wondering if the woman who brought down Mode was shot, and whether or not she’ll survive. The episode also included the moving coming out of Betty’s nephew Justin, Mark Indelicato. After a humorous "coming out party" the family planned for him that thankfully Justin did not have to endure.

Betty’s love life was also up in the air. In this season show writers have merged Betty and Daniel’s, Matt Hartley, story lines to most likely pair them together in the last hour. But amidst all the exciting final developments there is a bigger question that will be left unanswered after Wednesday night. What’s going to happen after Ugly Betty?

The show, based after the original Colombian soap opera "Yo Soy Betty, la Fea," is the first successful TV program featuring a main Latin character and involving minorities in main plot lines. In a way Latin, gay, Black and other "minorities" could relate to the show because it dealt with real life issues. From Betty’s father illegal immigrant status in the U.S. to women’s image expectations.

Dennis Pastorizo, entertainment producer for Terra USA, has loyally followed and reviewed Ugly Betty for four years. He spoke to Blast and said the show will be certainly missed. Terra is the nation’s leading site offering news, sports, entertainment, and lifestyle coverage in Spanish for U.S. Latinos.

"It was definitely a groundbreaking show for Latino actors and the Latino community," Pastorizo said. "Other than the George Lopez sitcom I can’t think of another show with a Latin actor out there that won so many awards and had so much success."

Pastorizo compares the ABC show to those other networks, such as MTV Tr3s or HolaMun2, have tried to produce to cater to Spanish speaking viewers. These networks are made specifically for the young Latino generation, which is increasing in the U.S.

What made Ugly Betty successful with Americans and Latinos may have been that its connection to the soap opera was modified to fit Hollywood expectations. Great production addressing national issues, and jokes intended for second or third generation Latino and English-only speakers viewers to understand. But when asked if this was a formula that future shows could use, Pastorizo was unsure.

"I don’t even know if ‘Betty’ can be called a one hit wonder. I know that several years ago network TV adapted several Spanish soap operas into English and they all flopped because they were bad adaptations really set up like soap operas. Univision has the series “Hermanos y Detectives,” and I heard rumors it’d be developed for American TV. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and say ‘yes this is a recipe for success to be followed,’ but it would have to be something produced by someone like Salma [Hayek] again."

It would also need more exclusive support from Latino audiences. The Terra producer said that a large percentage of its audience was not Latin.

"The success of Ugly Betty I don’t think is attributed to Latinos watching. Because it was based on the Spanish version many thought it would be a copy but they didn’t realize it wasn’t. The show was good to hit the core of non-Spanish speaking audiences showing a Latina main character and her Hispanic family but with Black, White, gay and straight characters too," said Pastorizo. "It was telling ‘I am a Hispanic in the U.S. but around me there are people of other cultures."

What Latinos did do was growth behind the scenes. More producers and actors have gotten noticed and hired. The latest "made" example being Sofia Vergara, the sultry Colombian mother and wife in Modern Family. So, despite not having a recipe for success Latinos are on their way to being key players in Hollywood and maybe the next Tyler Perry’s.

"There’s been concerns that the only roles they can audition for are maids or gardeners," said Pastorizo. "So I expect to see more Latino characters in major roles and playing not just Latino roles but other nationalities because after all these are actors! At the end of the day we don’t just need acting but also power so projects will produced be supported."

And if another minority-based show were to be successful in the future, it would also need better support from it’s own network. Ugly Betty shifted schedules because of low ratings. However, the writing for the program has always moved forward with creativity. Still, in the spring of 2009 Ugly Betty was placed on the Friday night schedule. Something Pastorizo called a dead night for television.

Surprisingly, and maybe shockingly for ABC, show followers asked to bring Betty back to the Wednesday night line-up. The network moved the show this December, as it announced it would go into its last season, but no major promotion has been done to bid the show adieu.

"It’s so sad that a show that started off with such a bang and won a Golden Globe its first season went down, not in production value but in interest from ABC. The network didn’t promote it and even for the finale there’s been no promotion either, it’s been very anti-climatic compared to promotion for "Lost" for example. I think that the only reason ABC kept it running was to hit the 100 episode mark and get it in syndication," Pastorizo added.

As far as the season finale goes, Pastorizo was mum about rumors or expectations. Only saying that this season was by far the best. Since writers knew the finale was coming they had time to prepare and leave no loose strings behind. So, viewers will have to wait until tomorrow to see where Betty ends up; and wait until another show brings the next Latin sensation.

ABC announced it was canceling “Ugly Better” after its springtime run, citing low ratings.

The show will have its 20-episode season cut short. In a statement, ABC Entertainment chairman Steve McPherson said “We’ve mutually come to the difficult decision to make this Ugly Betty’s final season, and are announcing now as we want to allow the show ample time to write a satisfying conclusion. We are extremely proud of this groundbreaking series, and felt it was important to give the fans a proper farewell.”

MTV has to premieres tonight “Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew” starts at 10 and “Take the Stage” is at 11. The network’s season one finale of “Teen Mom” on Tuesday earned 3.6 million total viewers.

The CW continues to prove its trying to be like USA Network circa 1989. CW picked up the pilot for “Nikita” a new look at the old sexy spy film/series “La Femme Nikita.”

A few more dramas in the works…

ABC approved an untitled crime drama pilot from writer Richard Hatem and director Gary Fleder, according to THR. The show matches a sexy female detective who works with a disgraced ex-cop to solve crimes.

NBC has a new 60-minute drama pilot in the works called “Justice” about a former Supreme Court justice who quits the high court to start his own practice.

The 90-minute season finale of “Sons of Anarchy” drew 4.33 million total viewers, making it the best-rated episode ever for this series, now through two seasons. FX announced it has ordered 13 episodes for the third season, which we’ll have to wait until next September for.

ABC is moving “Ugly Betty” to Wednesdays at 10 p.m. as of January 6 as part of ABC Comedy Wednesday. “Shark Tank” comes back to ABC on January 8 at 9 p.m.

Syfy has another new whimsical comedy series. “Outer Space Astronauts” premieres Tuesday at 9:30 p.m. The series was created by Russell Barrett, who developed the series at his home using computer graphics. It’s a five-par series airing Tuesdays at 9 after the first episode.

Bravo will sign on for a third season of “Shear Genius” starting in February.

ABC sent Blast a preview of tonight’s Nightline, where they interview wives of convicted white-collar criminals.

By ANDREA CANNING, ELIZABETH STUART and TOM McCARTHY

Each week Leslie Scrushy makes a two-hour drive with her kids to see her husband, Richard, in a federal prison in Beaumont, Texas. “It’s a scary place,” she said. “But thousands of wives and girlfriends and friends make this journey all over the country every week. So I’m not alone in doing this.”

The couple was once the toast of Birmingham, Ala., with a fortune of some $300 million.

That was until Richard Scrushy was found liable in a civil suit for $2.8 billion in one of the priciest judgments in the history of corporate scandals. Scrushy was acquitted of criminal charges in that case, but in a separate case, was convicted of bribery, conspiracy and mail fraud, landing him a seven-year sentence in federal prison.

Watch the full story on “Nightline” tonight at 11:35 p.m.

Within months, Leslie Scrushy became one of those women you see in designer suits walking in and out of court on the arm of her disgraced husband. She is now a member of an exclusive, if not vaunted, club: the formerly rich wives of husbands busted for white-collar crimes.

Leslie Scrushy said the family was working through the crisis.

“We just make the best of it,” she said. “[The kids are] not sad, they’re not depressed to be going to prison — they’re excited to be going to see their dad.”

In his first interview from prison, Richard Scrushy spoke to “Nightline” about the sacrifices his family is making. We spoke by phone, because the prison would not permit our cameras in.

“Sometimes I wonder if the judges realize that they punish the families many times more than they punish the inmate,” Scrushy said. “You’re in a horrible situation in here, and the other thing people don’t realize, we only have 10 minutes a day to talk to our family. I mean, it averages — we have 300 minutes a month. Every second is precious. Every second, every minute is precious and when you get a child on the phone and you talk three-four minutes… Those little children I have raised — you know, my little boy came in, he was in diapers. He was just 2 years old. And I’ve watched him– now he’s 5 years old.”

Scrushy maintains his innocence.

“So imagine sitting in a prison for 29 months knowing that you’ve done nothing wrong, you should not be here,” he said. “It’s been extremely difficult. I’ve had some really good friends that I’ve made in here over time, people that are in here as well. … Their being here is questionable, probably shouldn’t be here and I don’t know. It’s a tough situation but we get through. I’m in here with a lot of other men that have a lot of the same struggles that I have.”

‘I Believed Him’

Leslie Scrushy said she had asked her husband about the accusations against him before he was convicted.

“I didn’t say ‘Are you guilty,’ I said, ‘Did you know?’ And he said, ‘No, I did not know.’ … I believed him.”

Once, the Scrushys had their own church and television ministry, their own health care business called Healthsouth, a yacht, 19 cars and two 15,000-square-foot mansions. Then came the moment six years ago when Leslie realized her husband was in big trouble.

“That would be when the FBI raided Healthsouth and charges were leveled against Richard and every dollar that we had was frozen,” she said. “I was on the phone with a friend who was seeing it on the news. The ticker was reading on the television.”

Richard Scrushy was accused of defrauding Medicare and falsifying profits.

“It’s really — it can be scary, it can be — it’s difficult, it’s painful,” Leslie Scrushy said. “My husband was found guilty. And in that moment, it’s just, how could this be happening? … One of the most difficult things is people thinking that you are something that you are not.”

Their life literally went on the auction block: furniture, boats, priceless artwork, all sold to the highest bidder. But perhaps even more painful was the social backlash. Friends turned their backs. The Scrushys were even asked to leave a function at their own church.

“There would be things written about me that would be very untrue,” said Leslie Scrushy. “There are people that rejoice at our suffering. That’s painful. There’s some knowledge that was gained there. … It’s been a benefit, when you lose it all, to find out really the truth about who your friends are.”

For Leslie it was a huge challenge. But even though it would have been easier to walk away from her husband, she didn’t. She says she’d live through it all again because of what she learned in the process.

“I want to say that the money made me happy, but it didn’t,” she said. “If you were to go and ask me what’s the most horrific part of all this, it’s not having our family together. … I do know that I have a wealth of information about a whole lot of stuff that I didn’t know seven years ago.”

Leslie uprooted their children from Birmingham to Beaumont to be closer to their father.

Now the visiting room at the federal correctional complex in Beaumont has basically become their family room. Scrushy and her kids try their best to make it feel like home.

“It’s where we have our family time,” she said. “They have this salad you can order — well, buy, from the vending machine. And so I’ll fix it up for Richard and crunch up some Fritos and cheese chips and make those the croutons and cook for my husband.”

It might be vending machine food, but for Leslie and her kids, it’s the new reality of family dinner.

“I will forever look back on this time — would I have chosen it? No,” said Scrushy. “But if I had to take it all away and say OK, you can go back to the faith you had before you started this whole process. But you get everything back — you get your reputation back, you get your fake friends back, you get it all back, would you go back there if life could be dandy and fabulous? … I would rather stay right here facing everything that I’m facing, separated from my husband, not knowing when it’s going to change, and know what I know about God now.”

‘How Could You Do This?

Unlike Leslie Scrushy, Karen Weinreb said she feels bitter toward her convict husband. But like Scrushy, Weinreb is grateful for the way her fall from grace changed her outlook.

Weinreb said that originally it was the seduction of wealth that fooled her.

“Meeting my husband was like my Prince Charming had come into my life,” she told ABC News. “Anywhere we wanted to go we could go. There was no limit on it. We went to the Caribbean, and if we didn’t want to shop on Madison Avenue, we flew over to Milan to buy our clothes.”

Karen and her husband, David, lived in Bedford, N.Y., an affluent suburb that is also home to Ralph Lauren, Chevy Chase and Martha Stewart. Karen, a graduate of Yale and Oxford, never knew or asked how David, a Bloomberg salesman and hedge-fund manager, was getting so rich.

“The odd signs that I was noticing in the marriage, they could have been that he was having an affair or a drinking problem,” she said. “So … in my situation there was no one indication that he might have been committing crimes. However, I would caution women to pay attention to how the finances are being kept in a marriage — and I wasn’t.”

Karen’s life changed when David pleaded guilty to stealing millions from investors. She drove him to prison, and when she returned home her new reality set in.

“I can’t even pick up the phone and call my husband … he’s gone, he’s vanished and that’s when it really hit me and I actually became very angry,” she said. “How could you do this? How could you do this to your family and leave us like this?”

Still, Karen tried to keep her family together, even visiting David behind bars with their three boys.

“I remember one visit to the jail and my baby was crying and needed to be fed,” she said, “and the guard showed up right in front of me straight away and escorted me straight out and into a concrete bathroom, and I had to sit on the floor of a concrete bathroom and breastfeed my baby in the middle of prison, and I couldn’t believe it. … How can you go any lower than that?” Her marriage ended and her social status vanished.

“In the school corridors, the people I had dined with and traveled with and were friends with for a very long time would just literally walk past me and not say hello any longer,” she said. “It was like wearing a scarlet letter. And yet I hadn’t committed the act. Unfortunately the friends that I had made at that point were friends made in a very material world. And when the money went, so did the friends.”

But Karen said she’s learned to find happiness without the money.

“I lost a lot, you know, millions of dollars in property, and my reaction was that if you could lose something like this so quickly, then it had no value,” she said. “And things that do have value could never be taken so easily. So, things like your integrity, your love for your children, creativity, religion, your education. The capacity to love, those things can never be taken from you.”

Weinreb turned her experience into a novel, “The Summer Kitchen.” Writing became the ultimate therapy, she said.

“It forced me to put myself in the shoes of the other characters in this story, namely my husband and the people who were turning their backs,” Weinreb said. “What motivated my husband to do this, and what motivated those friends to turn their backs?”

The Scrushys are still dealing with prison life, but that hasn’t stopped them from also planning their future. Richard is writing a Christian album behind bars, inspired by Leslie.

“Lord, I can’t live without you,” Richard Scrushy sang. “Such pain we suffer when we’re lost. Man leading man is not the answer. Your love and grace, that’s all. ‘Cuz victory is a choice we make.”

Leslie Scrushy said she was standing by her man.

“I’ve had a suitcase packed for him,” she said. “He will come out of this place one day, and I will be here to pick him up. And I can’t wait.”

Copyright © 2009 ABC News Internet Ventures

This week on Modern Family: guest stars, bad 80s songs, and Yoko Ono jokes. Cam and Mitchell feel like they haven’t spent enough time in the adult world lately as they’ve been too preoccupied taking care of baby Lily. To rectify this situation, they call their best friend Sal to hang out. Enter the lovely Elizabeth Banks as the sloppy, single white girl. The reunion of friends seems to be going well until Sal gets a couple drinks in her and starts making death threats on baby Lily’s life every time she’s mentioned. Sal is definitely a character that could make future appearances in the show, so perhaps we will see more of Banks in the future.

And since there’s no threaded storyline that continues each week, Modern Family is the type of show that you can just jump in to and not be too concerned with a convoluted plot. They keep it funny and simple.

The other guest star this week was Edward Norton as the bass player from Spandau Ballet. When Claire is in a tight spot trying to find an anniversary present for Phil, she has what she thinks is a brilliant idea. She invites Norton’s character to the house as a surprise for Phil, wrongly thinking Spandau Ballet is his favorite group. Phil has never heard anything by the band, which makes for some awkward moments between Norton and Phil when the washed up rocker realizes Phil is not a "fandau".

However, the star of the show to me is always Manny. That chubby little Colombian kid gives the best facial expressions. In a somewhat creepy plotline, Manny has developed a crush on Claire’s eldest daughter Hailey. Hailey is technically Manny’s niece by marriage, even though she is older than him. The whacky age difference, the fact that he is a chubby Latino kid and the glare he gives Hailey’s boyfriend over a tiny espresso cup, takes away from the creepiness factor.

Modern Family airs Wednesday nights at 9 p.m. on ABC.

Not much today. Bravo has the premiere of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” at 10 p.m., and Investigation Discovery starts “Cold Blood,” also at 10.

ABC announced that “The Bachelor: On Wings of Love” will premiere January 4 at 8 p.m. This is the 14th edition of the reality show, and it will feature commercial airline pilot, Jake Pavelka, from Dallas, who was in the most recent “Bachelorette” only to fail.

FOX has a cool new CIA drama in the works from Chernin Entertainment, Variety reported. It’s untitled but it will be about a unit of the CIA that does “remote viewing,” finding out information using paranormal skills. No word on the cast.

In other FOX news, Colin Hanks will star in “Jack and Dan” opposite Bradley Whitford. Hanks will play Jack, a detective teamed up with a drunken maverick partner. This one will premiere in early 2010.

“V” is a hit. There’s no doubt. As far as science fiction on network television goes, it’s primed to be the most successful one we’ve seen, maybe ever.

Therefore, in good network television form, ABC is doing everything it can to totally screw it up.

According to ABC, 14.3 million people watched Tuesday’s series premiere of “V,” which challenged CBS and the current No. 1 show in America, “NCIS” in the Tuesday night ratings battle. In fact, “V” had the best debut of the 2009-10 fall television season.

It’s all gravy so far.

But ABC has decided only to air four episodes this fall. It will hold the remaining episodes for March — March — until after the NBC Winter Olympics coverage. Also, news came recently that the producers, who made “V” the ratings and popular success it is, are departing the show. “Chuck” executive producer Scott Rosenbaum will join the series as executive producer and showrunner, to pick up production, which was halted for what ABC called a “creative hiatus.”

ABC only filmed the fourth episode of “V” a few weeks ago, and the show will not go back into production — they won’t film the rest of the episodes — until January.

I have no explanation for any of this. Usually if a show debuts with the best ratings of the season you leave it alone and let the magic happen. This move reeks of no uncertain lack of confidence on ABC’s part.

One of the most anticipated shows of the fall season premieres tonight when “V” opens up on ABC at 8 p.m. The show is about aliens who come to Earth under the auspices of benevolence — curing disease, etc. — but what are there true motives?

The World Series is off tonight as it returns to New York for game six, so you can expect everything to be watching “V” tonight. “NCIS” and “NCIS Los Angeles” are also on, on CBS.

The other premiere we’ll mention tonight is “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover,” which starts at 10 on Bravo. We’re so happy for Tabatha, who gave an interview with Blast shortly before her disappointing exit from “Shear Genius.”

In other news, TNT cut a deal with Warner Bros. Television to obtain NBC’s canceled “Southland.” The cable network will have exclusive rights to the 13 episodes, which includes seven unaired episodes. It will air on TNT on Tuesdays at 10 p.m. starting in January.

G4 will renew “Human Wrecking Balls,” for a second season starting November 11 at 8 p.m. The show, with the daredevil Pumphrey brothers who wreck things like helicopters and gas stations. So grab your Cheeze-Its and cola, all you hyperactive nerds, and tune into G4 for shit getting destroyed.

FOX announced that the Charles Logan character will be back on “24,” as actor Gregory Itzin is back for season eight, which starts January 17 at 9 p.m. and continues a two-night, hour-hour opener the next night at 8.

Variety reported that executive producers Ian Sander and Kim Moses have three possibly big projects in the works for ABC. In “Jane and Dick,” an all-female law firm has all sorts of fun and drama. “Police Surgeon,” is about a female cop in Chicago who’s also a doctor. Clever name. Finally, in “Ghost World,” (the duo also does “Ghost Whisperer on CBS) an female homicide detective in New York solves cases with the help of a male ghost who also needs to find out how he lived and died.

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio will join USA’s “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” as the new captain, replacing Eric Bogosian.

Tonight, VH1 premieres two more reality shows: “For the Love of Ray J” at 9 p.m. and “I Want to Work for Diddy” at 10. ABC Family has the season finale of “Greek” at 9 tonight.

There’s a decent amount of news on this Monday. FOX gave a full sixth season order to the animated hit “American Dad” about a CIA agent voiced by Seth MacFarlane, who also created “Family Guy.” The show airs at 9:30 p.m. on Sundays.

Discovery will order a second season of “Swords Life on the Line” about the lives of New England fishermen. Discovery Channel also approved a series called “Airplane Repo” about a team that repossesses jets and helicopters from owners who defaulted on the loans. This will start early next year.

Writer Josh Heald, who has films “Hot Tub Time Machine” and “Mardi Gras” slated for release next year, also has a few TV projects in the works. “Sausagefest,” will be a comedy on NBC about two 20-something best friends with totally different fathers — one of which will be played by Norm Macdonald. The second show will be a FOX comedy called “Sequestered,” about 12 strangers who have to live together during a long jury trial. The show will mainly focus on their time outside the courtroom where they are allowed to talk about anything except the ongoing trial.

World Series big game tonight, so ABC has “Dancing with the Stars,” FOX eventually has “So You Think You Can Dance,” and NBC has the defunct “Trauma,” What a night. Even Bostonians will be watching baseball.

Tonight is the finale of “Shark Tank” at 8 p.m. on ABC, as well as “Flipping Out” on Bravo at 10. No premieres tonight. The American League Championship Series continues on FOX tonight, so that will take up all the television-related attention.

Leading up to the new sci-fi drama “V,” ABC is hiring skywriters to draw huge letter V’s in the sky at 26 major landmarks across the US from Friday until the series opens November 3. “V” will have four episodes before a hiatus until early 2010.

FOX recently approved a new comedy called “Rehaab,” from writer/producer Sam Laybourne (“Cougar Town”). The show centers around a man who pretends to need rehab in order to re-connect with a former high school sweetheart who’s now a rock star.

Finally this morning, Samuel L. Jackson has two products in the works for CBS. The first is a comedy about the wife of a congressman who inherits her husband’s seat after he dies suddenly. We wonder if Victoria Kennedy is paying attention to that one. The second is a medical drama about an ER doctor who treats patients in unusual ways. Jackson will executive produce both shows. He is, after all, the highest paid man in Hollywood.

Tonight is the season premiere of “Ugly Betty” on ABC at 8 and “lobstermen” at 10 on Discovery Channel. and we also have the season finale of “Psych” on USA at 10 p.m. “Storm Chasers” premieres Sunday at 10 p.m. on Discovery

News Corp. will shut down Fox Reality Channel by March 31, citing low ratings for the four-year old network.

Could this finally be the end of “Jon & Kate Plus 8?” TLC will halt the show in mid-November, and has said it will not launch “Kate Plus 8″ on November 2 on the heels of Jon Gosselin’s court order preventing the pair’s children from being filmed. We’re sure that there will be more to this story.

Showtime will order a one-hour pilot of an American import of the British drama “Shameless,” with William H. Macy. The show is about a working-class family of eight children with an alcoholic father — no we’re not still talking about “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”

The CW has six — count’em — six new shows in development. “Spy School for Girls” is about women spies being trained by the CIA. “Plymouth Rock” is a space-themed melodrama about people on a space ship traveling to another planet, and the fun that ensues there. “Confessions of a Backup dancer,” will be written and executive produced by Ilene Chaiken (“The L Word”). “The March Sisters” is a modern-day Little Woman. And finally, there’s an untitled crime drama coming out of Robert De Niro’s Tribeca Entertainment.

ABC gave “The Gates” a 13-episode order for the season.

Finally, the Yankees and the Angels begin game one of the American League Championship Series at 7:30 on FOX. We couldn’t care less.

BURBANK, Calif. — In another new comedy series on ABC, Kelsey Grammer returns to primetime in the series “Hank” the story of self-made millionaire and entrepreneur Hank Pryor, and his unfortunate descent from New York’s elite to the blue-collar suburbs of River Bend, Virginia. At his side is the charismatic, and funny Melinda McGraw, whose portrayal of his wife, Tilly, stirs up the comedy early on. Their children, Maddie (Jordan Hinson) and Henry (Nathan Gamble) add to the chaos.

Finally, there is the issue of Tilly’s brother, Grady Funk, portrayed by David Koechner, who some fans may recognize from NBC’s “The Office” and most recently the film “Extract”

As one of the final sets Blast visited in Burbank recently, we caught glimpses of a few scenes being shot before we sat down with Grammer, McGraw and Koechner to discuss the show.

The first question we had to ask the cast was: What brought them all together for this project?

“For the last year or so I was thinking about returning to television again, and trying another shot after ‘Back to You,’” said Grammer. “I looked at television and thought to myself, the only thing missing in television these days is the traditional family show that has everyone living together, mother, father, and the kids, you know? Then I met Tucker (Cawley) and he had this loosely phrased idea about a guy who had fallen down from a big perch and was moving down to Virginia.”

Blast was able to see the final pilot episode shortly before our meeting, and we wondered if the physical comedy aside from the witty dialogue would be part of its style.

“Melinda’s stuff is high farce. This week we shot some things in the woods” Grammer laughed.

“I think a lot of the behavior just ends up physical” McGraw added. “So, a lot of times if it’s not written in, if it becomes physical because of how we are covering for ourselves and each other. I think there’s a lot fun stuff, and there’s some things that are a little broad.”

We may just see a bit more into Tilly’s side of the family, whose southern roots brought them to Virginia in the first place.

“Well we get (Grady’s wife) and a couple of kids. I don’t know how many.” Grammer said. He also explained more about the relationship Hank has with his brother-in-law, Grady, a man who has no problem reminding Hank of the reasons he’s in Virigina.

“This relationship will be to always antagonize one another,” Grammer said. “And she secretly is a party to it all because he and she are brother and sister. But the key relationships are here (in the pilot).”

“So far we’re exploring the world of the family, the extended family” said Koechner, “and then probably the town, and the state, and the nation.”

And what of the kids on the show? In the pilot, Maddie clearly has her issues with daddy, and a boyfriend of sorts. “Oh we’ll be dealing with the boyfriends, I mean she’s only 17″ said Grammer emphasizing the plural.

“What’s great is that it’s a modern father daughter relationship. It’s not one of the corny ones that doesn’t exist” Koechner added, saying that, these days, teenagers go through things much faster than a decade ago.

“There are real moments, and hopefully in the end everyone is going to grow up a little,” said Grammer. “They’ve had one life they thought was pretty well set, and it changed. That throws everyone into a tailspin.”

“And it was a rare existence that you don’t really have,” McGraw chimed in, “and I do think an interesting dynamic in the triangle (between Hank, Grady, and Tilly) is that in-between them, I might come back to her old ways. Throw back a couple of beers with Grady. Or I’ll push against them. Hank has that American (perspective) of starting from nothing and making something new, kind of pulling up by your bootstraps. And the realities of how those ‘bootstraps’ are different than twenty years ago.”

We closed by asking the trio to tell viewers why they should watch “Hank” this fall.

“I think the show has an identifiable character that everyone can relate to, that’s just like so and so,” said Koechner. “And it’ll definitely get people to laugh. It comes from a place of honesty and truth. It’s not just manufactured. The writing is good, and makes me laugh out loud. And finally, well, I just love Kelsey Grammer!”

“Oh, I can’t fight with that!” Grammer replied.

“I think it’s a relief to watch a show where you see people going through such changes because it makes you feel like you’re not the only ones” McGraw added.

“And this is a show, the whole family can watch it, and it’s not a kid’s kind of show.” said Koechner.

“For years, I’ve heard people tell me that Hollywood doesn’t make shows for (the family) anymore,” Grammer said, “and this year, Hollywood does.”

Catch Grammer, McGraw, Koechner and all of “Hank” every Wednesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.

The premiere season has just about wound down at this point, but we have a few cable shows on tap tonight.

Animal Planet premieres “Weird, True and Freaky” at 9 p.m., with “Lost Tapes” to follow at 10. MTV has some reality shows starting tonight; most notably is the reality-drama “The Hills” at 10 with “The City” to follow at 10:30.

Actor Omar Miller is joining CSI: Miami as a regular starting with the October 5 episode. Miller will play Walter Simmons, an art chief from Louisiana who joins the crime fighting CSI team.

CBS had the best night on Friday, according to Nielsen, with premieres of “Ghost Whisperer,” “Medium” and “Numb3rs” scoring big on the ranking charts. We predict that will continue tonight as CBS has new episodes of three of its biggest shows, “NCIS,” the new “NCIS: Los Angeles,” and “The Good Wife.”

We wonder how long “NCIS: Los Angeles” will continue to air on Tuesdays. The two NCIS shows are hits, and we have to assume one will get moved to bolster a slower weekday.

“Dancing with the Stars” is on ABC tonight and “So You Think You Can Dance” is on FOX.

Finally, no it’s not the 90s, but new episodes of the new “90210,” and “Melrose Place” are on The CW tonight.

By the way: Because of a reporting error, we said “NCIS: Los Angeles” aired on Mondays. It airs on Tuesdays.

Another big weekend of television-watching is coming up.

Tonight CBS premieres “Ghost Whisperer” at 8, “Medium” at 9 and “Numb3rs” at 10. “Smallville” starts its new season at 8 p.m. on The CW.

FOX has the series premiere of “Brothers” at 8 p.m. and the much-anticipated season 2 premiere of Joss Whedon’s “Dollhouse” at 9.

“Law and order” is still around, with another season starting up at 8 p.m. tonight on NBC.

On Saturday, NBC premiere’s “Saturday Night Live” at 11:30, and CBS has “48 Hours Mystery” at 10 p.m.

And then it really gets out of hand on Sunday, with premieres including:

• ABC: “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” at 7p.m., “Desperate Housewives” at 9, and “Brothers & Sisters at 10.”
• CBS: “60 Minutes” at 7, “The Amazing Race” at 8 and “Cold Case” at 10.
• FOX: “The Simpsons” at 8, “The Cleveland Show at 8:30, “Family Guy” at 9 and “American Dad” at 9:30.
• Showtime: “Dexter” at 9 and “Californication” at 10.

BURBANK, Calif. — Comparisons are unavoidable when a televised adaptation of the 80s film “The Witches of Eastwick” debuts this season. But if you’re expecting some carbon copy of the original film, you may be disappointed. While making our way through the Warner Bros. lot, touring through the different sets, it was easy to see how much the landscape and little details will play to the strength of the series.

Walking around the center of the town Eastwick may set off a series of deja -vu moments as the setting was once the famous Stars Hollow of “Gilmore Girls.” Yet, the little details that made Stars Hollow comfy and safe are the same elements that give Eastwick the small town feel necessary before all hell breaks loose.

The plot revolves around three women who become friends after a fated meeting at a wishing fountain. As each woman finds their desires being fulfilled, something wicked this way comes in the form of the mysterious stranger. Lindsay Price plays the slightly introverted Joanna Frankel (Susan Sarandon’s character type from the film), Jaime Ray Newman is the exhausted mother (Michelle Pfeiffer’s type), and Rebecca Romijn sets things off as the feisty Roxanne Torcoletti (Cher’s character type). Adding the finishing touch to the series is Paul Gross who plays the devilish character of Darryl van Horne (Jack Nicholson’s type).

Each main character on the show has fine detailed elements which accent their style. Joanna’s home is cozy with little touches of dragonfly motifs. It’s cozy, neat, and tidy.

Joanna's room in Eastwick (Blast staff photo/Conception Allen)

Then there’s the earthy design of Roxanne’s home where there are exotic accents which gives you the impression the girl has travelled to a lot of places; it’s very bohemian chic.

Finally there is Darryl van Horne’s demure home which seems like something out of a gothic novel with its dimly lit room and dark ambiance.

The magic on the series isn’t just in its triad of strong female leads. The landscape for the show does a great job in giving viewers somewhere fun to escape to each week.

“Eastwick” airs Wednesday at 10 p.m. on ABC.

A little slower tonight after yesterday’s craziness.

But only a little.

ABC premieres “FlashForward” at 8 p.m., but the biggest of the night has to be the two-hour premiere of “Grey’s Anatomy” at 9 p.m. After all the post-season cast drama and changes, it will be good to see how the show turns out this season.

CBS premieres a new season of the original “CSI” at 9 p.m. as well as “The Mentalist” at 10.

The Discovery Channel will go the route of SyFy and take on some ghostly ways with two Texas brothers searching for the ethereal in “Ghost Lab,” premiering October 6 at 10 p.m. In the 13-episode series, Brad and Barry Klinge travel the country in their mobile lab in search of ghosts.

Finally, this morning, The CW has ordered a mid-season docu-reality series called “Fly Girls” about a group of female flight attendants (we can’t say stewardesses anymore) working for the new Virgin America airline. The premise of the corporate-feeling show is to follow five hotties around their work and personal life as they share a home in Los Angeles and fly around the country.

BURBANK, Calif. — At a gym somewhere in Los Angeles, several cast members of “Modern Family” were rounding up for what was sure to be another hilarious moment for the new series. Amidst a slew of extras both young and old, the atmosphere was charged as Ed O’Neil cheered, captivating all those around him who were not part of the show. Perhaps it was being outside of the studio itself, and being on location for the scene that made our visit with the cast different than the others we saw recently.

Or it could have been the large number of children grouped together cheering that made the excitement infectious.

Whatever the case, “Modern Family” has the basic ingredients for immediate success, with its sharp dialogue and awkward comedic setups. Most importantly the series has several comedy veterans, the standout amongst them being Ed O’Neil.

Blast chatted with Nolan Gould (Luke Dunphy), Ariel Winter (Alex Dunphy), Sarah Hyland (Haley Dunphy), Rico Rodriguez (Manny Delgado) and Ed O’Neil (Jay Pritchett).

When asked about working on the series with such a large group, the overall feeling is mutual.

“Everybody’s nice,” Gould said.

“Ty (Burrell) is nice. The food is good, like craft services and stuff,” he added with a smile. “It’s just different working on a full time TV show.”

Asked whether the cast is as fun off the show as they appear onscreen, Gould smiled widely. “They’re always joking around, Eric (Stonestreet) and Ty (Burell),” he said. “They’re just goofy and fun to hang around. We even have our own secret handshakes.”

Meanwhile, Hyland reminded us she’s very new to this genre of work. “It’s my very first comedy. I usually do dramas and melodramatic stuff,” she said. “It’s a whole real new experience with the comedic timing.”

Despite being fresh to comedy, Hyland revealed, “We do a little bit of ad-libbing,’” she said. And as far as the tone, “I’d say the show is (a combination of) ‘The Office’ with a feel like ‘Arrested Development’. It’s great to be part of a show that incorporates the things you love on television into your work.”

Television isn’t Hyland’s only field. The young actress has Broadway singing experience. Blast wanted to know if we could find her showing off a bit of her vocal chops anytime soon. “Hmmm… maybe, I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to Steve and Chris about that, the ‘boyfriend’ in the pilot,” she said. “He plays the guitar and sings a lot. So you never know.”

“It’s really exciting!” Winter jumped in. “It’s different. It doesn’t take that much time, everything is set, and everybody is like boom-boom-boom let’s get this done right now. It’s really different than dramatic stuff where it’s like “Ëœlet’s take it slow’.”

“I mean I have been on some comedy shows, but the first dramatic thing was on ‘NCIS.’ I thought it was cool because I get to play opposite myself,” Rodriguez said. “Then I got ‘Modern Family’ and I thought ‘hey, this is awesome!’ It’s not like anything else I’ve ever been on. And it’s opposite of my own character which is funny.”

And if you’re wondering how these two view their characters: “I’m the one to go off and follow the girls. I’m kinda serious,” said Rodriguez. “Sort of like a forty year old Antonio Banderas in an 11 year old body. If he decides something, that’s it.”

Winter sees her role slightly differently. “Well, she’s the more smart and cynical normal one. Everyone else is kind of crazy. On the show, my mom is about having everything done, my dad is a goofball. My sister is about boys and texting. Then my brother is just ‘slow,’” she said.

“Working with Ed O’Neil; it’s amazing. It’s like once we did the pilot we were like this family. I mean we’re only on our sixth episode, and I have secret handshakes with half of the cast already. And if you have problems with lines, he’ll go over it with you and Sofia (Vergara) too,” Rodriguez said.

“He’s really awesome, and since he’s already a comedy veteran he really understands what’s going on. He’s hysterical, and he’s so nice,” added Winter. “You don’t get that a lot with stars. You don’t get nice and really awesome.”

Finally, we capped off the visit to the set with a chat with O’Neil. What may surprise the public aside from his great skills in giving viewers a good laugh is his lack of ego. When talking about working with his TV family, particularly the kids, he had no problems expressing his admiration.

On the topic of being a mentor to his younger cast mates, O’Neil said “It’s really been great. First of all, the level of talent is awesome. I’m amazed by them. I keep going ËœOh my God, these kids are so good.’ As far as being a mentor, all I seem to do is try to keep up!”

If there’s any question to whether he prefers drama or comedies, the veteran actor commented, “It doesn’t matter. I have a theater background, and when you’re in theater you learn to take on anything.”

So what brought the veteran of “Married: With Children” back to primetime? “Timing,” O’Neil said. “I think I’m at a time in my life where I can relate, the things going on in his life.”

“Modern Family” is on ABC 9 p.m. Wednesdays.

Criminals and Al Bundy rule the tubes tonight.

CBS has the most premieres tonight with “The New Adventures of Old Christine” at 8, “Gary Unmarried” at 8:30, “Criminal Minds” at 9, and “CSI: New York” at 10. The drama continues on NBC with premieres of “Mercy” at 8 p.m. and “Law and Order: SVU” at 9.

ABC offers the series premiere of “Modern Family” tonight at 9 p.m., which is Ed O’Neil’s return to primetime. Blast will be running our interview with O’Neil later today, and we’ll continue to talk about our time on-set with ABC.

ABC also has premieres of “Cougar Town” at 9:30 and “Eastwick” at 10 tonight.

FX is starting a new comedy show about fantasy football. “The League” follows a bunch of guys in the suburbs and their shenanigans. That will start-up on October 29 at 10:30 p.m. following “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” FX has ordered six episodes of the new comedy show.

MTV continues the reality shows with “Disaster Date,” a hidden-camera show about people who set up their friends on a blind date with an actor who makes things disastrous for them. The fun times begin September 28 at 6 p.m.

Nielsen says that SyFy’s season finale of “Eureka” gained 2.3 total viewers last Friday at 9 p.m., which is impressive for the cable network.

Syfy’s season three finale of Eureka last Friday at 9p averaged 1.1 million A18-49, 1.2 million A25-54 and 2.3 million total viewers. HBO’s return of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” Sunday night gained 1.1 million viewers on Sunday night. A new show followed, “Bored to Death,” to the tune of about 1 million viewers.

Finally for you Melrose Place fans, Heather Locklear will join The CW‘s version of the show on November 17, reprising her role as Amanda Woodward.

BURBANK, Calif. — In a two part segment exploring the new series, “The Forgotten“ Blast takes you onto the set of this suspenseful drama, which explores unsolved crimes and missing person cases.

Who are “The Forgotten?” If you’re thinking about the latest Jerry Bruckheimer project starring Christian Slater, you’re partially correct. The latest ABC drama set in Chicago puts a unique spin in its method solving mysteries. You see, “The Forgotten” also refers to what the show calls the Forgotten Network, an organization made up of average citizens attempting to crack cases outside the realm of law enforcement. Similar to real-life groups like Project E.D.A.N (Everyone Deserves A Name), where cases are posted online to the public for new leads, the series doesn’t skimp on working out the details. In fact, the look and feel on the set with its dim lighting, and dark earth tones helps add to the atmosphere of the series.

The first stop at visiting the show took us to the police precinct area. All the details authenticating its Chicago locale are found in its classic interior design. Possibly, the most significant element had to be the temperature on the set. If there’s anything Chicago is known for, it’s the weather, cold weather, which is nothing like the temperatures in Los Angeles during the fall. It would seem the production department spared no expense in giving its actors the feel of the Windy City. This is just one element which adds to the show’s promise in being a success.

Although the character of Alex Donovan (Christian Slater) headlines the series, he shares the screen with great actors alike who will undoubtedly captivate audiences with its premiere this week. In our continuing coverage, we sit down with the cast and producers as they explain how all the characters connect, and what to expect with the series.