A Twitter follower recently tweeted me asking the following question: What’s the protocol for untagging and/or taking down old facebook pics with exes when dating someone new?
Quick shout-out to Chris Newman of thenewadvantage.com for creating and building Neely’s incredible website: neelysteinberg.com. Neely is also a dating coach; check out her coaching packages on her site.
Takeaways:
- 24 seconds: This is a big issue in today’s world of dating. Why?
- 1:00: I can see why it might be hurtful to some people to see picture’s of your ex still up; it’s the 21st century equivalent of the old card in a shoebox in your closet. Tune in to hear why people see this as a threat.
- 1:25: But what’s really going on when people still have pictures up or old mementos in a shoebox?
- 1:50: There is no scientific answer to your question, so here’s what you can do…
- 2:54: That all being said, tune in to hear when I think it doesn’t make sense to start untagging/deleting.
- 3:06: Like with most things in relationships, you should always consider doing this…
Great advice. Spot on!
I think we humans are getting so comfortable hiding behind our keyboards that we have lost some of our ability to effectively communicate in person. I bring this up because your incredible advice of discussing with your partner how they feel about the ex’s pictures/tags in order to see if it bothers them would seem to be common sense but in reality most people are afraid to bring it up or don’t even know how to begin the conversation. For me, I don’t have issues with the idea of my new partner having a past;however, if I went into my his home and he had his wedding picture prominent displayed years after his divorce, I would consider it a red flag. And I would discuss it. Great post, Neely!
Neely – what a great post that resonates with so many, myself included. My current beau and I are very open about past relationships, and have remained friends with most, and we are both pretty comfortable with these figures as past romances, current friends…. so we don’t have issues there, unless the person from the past caused us great pain, etc. Now, I dated and lived with a man for a few years who could not handle any information. He wanted to pretend I was a virgin when he met me, and it was just unbelievable how ill equipped he was to handle my contact with or reference to anyone in the past. Once I accidentally changed my “relationship status” on facebook… I thought I was making it invisible, but instead it switched me to “single” — there was HELL to pay with that guy. He was LIVID. But alas, it’s also a question of being confident and secure within yourself and with your partner… I’m rambling… but great post!
I like Marrie’s response…. how about you ASK === IN PERSON, your boyfriend/girlfriend how they feel about it? LOL. People don’t just know how to talk about it! Maybe that should be the next piece of advice! LOL
Well, I had taken my ex husband’s pictures off FaceBook even before he moved out of the house. Once we were no longer together, we were NO LONGER TOGETHER! Why would I keep the pictures up? You just need to do what feels right and when you’re ready. Thanks Neely for the great insights!