Oscars 2012 fashion review 0

It’s 8:29 as I write this. Billy Crystal is rewriting his opening joke for the 643rd time, Jonah Hill is trying really hard to look serious, and Sasha Baron Cohen is silently praying that when he wakes up in the morning it’s 2005 and he’s funny again. And about 80 percent of viewers are turning off the TV now that the most important/fun part has drawn to a close — the red carpet.

Sure, some people get a kick out of listening to Billy Crystal spend 18 minutes singing a song composed of painfully obvious Best Picture Nominee puns to a stone faced Anjelina Jolie. But most of us JUST. WANT. TO. SEE. THE. CLOTHES. So, let’s discuss, shall we?

First, a few trends. I thought gold stood out as the color of the night. It’s not so much that it permeated the red carpet as it just made such a statement on those who did wear it. Stacy Keibler’s Marchesa gown is so stunning that you almost believe Clooney won’t dump her in three months. The 80’s reminiscent rosette on the side is structural genius. Jessica Chastain is rocking gold as well, in a medieval looking strapless gold and black patterned dress by Marchesa. Ellie Kemper’s copper Armani Prive is simply stunning to look at and Meryl Streep is wearing a Grecian gold Lanvin.

White is another popular color tonight, as worn by J. Lo, Gwyneth (who is also donning a long cape) and Rooney Mara. Black gowns are few and far between, but Angelina and Rose Byrne are keeping it classic. Anna Faris, unfortunately, chose a black dress that pays homage to movie The Matrix.

Statement necklaces are a thing of the past, as single strands take center stage. Long sleeves are another trend, one embraced by the old and young alike. Twenty-two year old Shailene Woodley is a perfect column in a vintage Valentino and Streep is wearing long sleeves as well.

Now let’s talk best dressed. Sandra Bullock, Michelle Williams, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ellie Kemper and Octavia Spencer all topped my list. While I’m finding it hard to pick one woman who really stands out, my best dressed pick ultimately goes to Viola Davis. The custom emerald Vera Wang absolutely sings. Those arms! That hair! Every part of her ensemble underscores her natural beauty. It’s a winner.

Now, for the fun part: Worst dressed! Where do I start? J. Lo’s see-through dress looked trashy, Rooney Mara’s couture just didn’t seem to fit right and Penelope Cruz’s powder blue gown belongs at the prom in 1959. But my number one pick for worst dressed makes me want to cry a little bit. Let me preface this by saying that she isn’t the worst looking actress on the red carpet tonight. It’s just that she could look so insanely beautiful, young and hip. Emma Stone is so gorgeous, so smart and usually so stylish. But tonight, her red Giambatistta Valli dress didn’t make the cut. The high neck and oversized bow aged her while the bright color washed her out. Her hair was boring and her figure was completely lost in the draping. Sigh.

But, we all have our opinions when it comes to fashion on Oscar night. What’s yours?