TORONTO — The opening ceremony for the Vancouver 2010 Olympic games was at times breathtaking, and at other times, just weird.

Let’s be nice and go over the breathtaking first. Sarah McLachlan and k.d. Lang sang wonderfully. The actual lighting of the Olympic cauldron was inspired, as three Canadian heroes got to participate instead of the traditional one, including Rick Hansen, who IS a national icon.

Oh, and when those cartoon whales swam across the floor and began to spout water, that was neat.

But a lot of this ceremony, which was so heavily anticipated after Beijing’s opener, did not represent Canadian culture. That wasn’t Canada.

I can’t comment on whether the Aboriginal peoples of this country were done justice during the ceremony last night, but I do find it strange that we so glamorously portray their culture on a world stage, even when they are treated so poorly at home. That can’t be fair.

Don’t get me wrong. Aboriginal culture is beautiful and interesting, but Canada is definitely not a land of ice, snow and people dancing beneath giant trees and totem poles. We’ve a rich multicultural society that inhabits a a few vibrant cosmopolitan centres and cities in between, many of whom have successfully intertwined their ancestral cultural values with Canada’s light cultural values. That’s what Canada is; a mosaic. That’s what we should’ve seen last night.

And the clich©s! The mounties, the icy, barren landscape, Nelly Furtado in a tight dress. It was all embarassingly there. We perpetuated many stereotypes last night. Especially when VANOC’s speaker spoke after Jacques Rogge. He almost put me to sleep, just like those kind, timid and shy Canadians tend to do.

Oh, and that terrifying Coca-Cola bear that emerged from the ground, that wasn’t a clich©, but it was creepy.

And then finally, at the last moment, when The Great One and his fellow all-star Canadians were all set to light the flame, technology bitch slapped us. We waited and waited. Even Gretzky looked pissed for a second.

Then finally, the cauldron emerged, in all its glory, and was lit by three Canadian heroes. Then Gretzky ran outside to light the outdoor flame, and received the wonderful treatment Canada allots to all of its national icons. He rode on the back of a truck while it rained on his face. Nice.

But world, don’t take that image of Canada home with you. It isn’t what life is like here. We don’t all live in the Arctic circle among the Orcas and the ice floes.

But we do rule the Winter Olympics. So look out.

Former Olympian and 2012 Olympic hopeful Logan Campbell can’t afford to fund his own training. Tired of seeking cash from his parents, the 23-year-old New Zealander decided to venture into entrepreneurship.

He, in partnership with a 20-year-old accountant, opened a 14-room brothel in his homeland, which decriminalized prostitution in 2003. Campbell’s “gentleman’s club” will ultimately make him the money he needs to fund his training, however, New Zealand Olympic officials say that his business venture could work against him when applying to be a 2012 team member.

“Selection takes into account not just performance but also the athlete’s ability to serve as an example to the youth of the country,” funding manager John Schofield told New Zealand’s Sunday Star Times newspaper.

Campbell says his mother didn’t initially approve of the idea, however, decided to go along with it after meeting with some of the whores fine young women.

Campbell will work as a full-time pimp “escort agency” owner ‚ until 2011. He’ll then hit the gyms for a full year before the 2012 games.

Beijing 2008

In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Campbell, who competes in Tae Kwon Do, made the Top 16 before losing to Sung Yu-Chi of Taiwan, who eventually went on to win the bronze.

Leading up to those games Campbell’s parents were the ones who footed his $95,000 training bills.

This time, that bill will go to the lonely men of New Zealand. Campbell hopes the brothel will help him raise double the amount needed to train for the 2008 Olympics.

At least the customers will feel like they are doing a good deed.

Coedmagazine.com has a list of 10 professional athletes who are on Twitter. I’ve listed them here and you can click on their names to follow them:

-Giants QB Eli Manning (does he slur and lisp when he Tweets?)

-Snowboarder Shaun White

-NY Jets safety Kerry Rhodes

-Skateboarder Mike Vallely (who? Ok, if you say so)

-Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal

-Golfer Natalie Gulbis (mmmmmm…I’m not into celebs, but I’d follow her wherever. She’s got huuuge Tweets)

-Former 49er WR Jerry Rice

-Overexposed Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps

-Tennis player Andy Murray

-Bicyclist Lance Armstrong

I don’t know what the actual record is for biggest good ol’ fashioned ass whooping in sports history, but this has to be close. I would have thought the biggest stomping may have been when the Washington Redskins were on the business end of a 73-0 loss to the Bears in the 1940 NFL Championship game.

Nope, this is worse. And it’s hockey!

The women’s ice hockey team from Slovakia skated with the Bulgarian women’s ice hockey team over the weekend in a 2010 Olympic qualifier. I don’t think Bulgaria is going to make the Olympics. Call it a hunch, but when you lose in any sport 82-0, you probably have to rethink whether or not you should even be playing said sport.

That’s right, the Bulgarians lost a hockey game…82-0.

I’ll say it again: 82-0.

What I want to know is what is going through everyone’s head (thanks, Michelle Tafoya) at 31-0? ‘Maybe we should cancel this game?’ ‘Maybe we should stay in the locker room after the first period and sneak out the back?’

The game was 7-0 after five minutes, 19-0 after 10 minutes, and 31-0 after only one period. The Bulgarians were down 77-0 with three minutes to go, when they put in their backup goalie. She proceeded to give up five more goals in 1:25.

12 players had hat tricks and Maria Herichova netted 18 goals herself.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around how it’s physically possible to score this many goals in a given time frame. Didn’t some pucks accidentally hit the goalie? I guess not.

I think my favorite part is that the decision to pull the starting goalie came after 77 goals were scored.

Ismail Ahmed Ismail, an 800 meter sprinter, won Sudan’s first ever Olympic medal during this summer’s games in Beijing.

The victory shines a positive ray of hope upon the ruins of a region dominated by corruption, death and destruction. In Sudan, the media, as of late, has focused mainly on the situation in Darfur and the recent criminal charges made against the country’s president, Omar al-Bashir.

Ever since Ismail’s silver medal performance, the country’s newspapers, on both ends of the political spectrum, have applauded and praised his performance as that of a national hero.

The people of Sudan have long been searching for something to distract them from the situation that surrounds them, the despondency that lurks behind every turn and greets them everywhere they go. To have Ismail perform at his best during the Olympics, the largest and most prestigious sporting event in the world, seems only too good to be true.

Hopefully this marks a turning point for Sudan, it’s doubtful this will have any effect on politics, however, it certainly is a symbol of a brighter, shinier future.

Ismail’s medal allows the world to glimpse inside the other side of Sudanese life; the nation’s reaction reinforces the fact that, like every other country, the citizens hope and dream that their athletes will represent well at the Olympics and bring home some hardware.

It’s nice to have a positive news story come out of a region where 2.5 million have been displaced and up to 300,000 have reportedly been killed.

Hopefully it’s the beginning of an Olympic future.

There were no sadder sights at the Olympics this year than the faces of the American women’s softball team, losing their heavily favored gold medal to Japan 3-1 Thursday.

Japanese right-hander Yukiko Ueno shut down the powerhouse American offense, handing the girls their first loss in any level of competition since the 2000 Sydney Games.

This comes as both baseball and softball have been cast away from the Summer Games as “too American” by the International Olympic Committee.

This has been a bad Olympics for American women.

The softball team puts a cap on stunning defeats handed down this year. This week, gold medal lock Lolo Jones stumbled out of the medals on her second-to-last hurdle in the women’s 100m after opening up a lead late in the race. In the women’s 400m, American favorite Sanya Richards’ hamstring ran out of gas, putting her from first to third quickly.

In gymnastics, Alicia Sacramone fell off the balance beam and three of the girls stepped out of bounds on the floor routines in the second place loss to the Chinese. Sacramone then got ripped off in the vault after a very questionable call to give the bronze to China’s Cheng Fei, even though Fei fell on her second run and Sacramone landed both of hers.

Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor couldn’t be stopped in beach volleyball, however. On a rainy day, they beat the Chinese 21-18, 21-18 for the gold. The women’s basketball and soccer teams remain on top of their games and will play for the gold next. Update: The USA women’s soccer team beat Brazil 1-0 Thursday for the gold medal.

Hugh Bachman, coach of the U.S. men’s Olympic volleyball team and his wife, Elisabeth Bachman McCutcheon, a former Olympic athlete, spoke out in an open letter about the death of Elisabeth’s father and injuries of her mother who were attacked Saturday at a tourist attraction in Beijing.

The attack killed Todd Bachman and critically injured his wife Barbara, both 62. Barbara was recently upgraded from critical to serious but stable at a Beijing hospital.

“We are extremely grateful for the outpouring of assistance and generosity that we have received and hope to convey our appreciation to everyone who has supported us and kept us in their thoughts and prayers,” the letter reads. It goes on to individually thank family, friends, Olympians, officials and President Bush for their support through the weekend.

“This letter cannot do justice in acknowledging the love and support we’ve felt,” they wrote. “We have been lifted up by the outpouring of support and love we’ve received from around the world.”

The 28 Bachman’s home and garden stores in Minnesota, of which Todd Bachman was chairman and CEO, are displaying posters and memorials for their fallen leader.

Barbara Bachman suffered multiple cuts and stab wounds in the attack the killed her husband, Todd Bachman, the U.S. Olympic Committee announced in a statement.

She underwent eight hours of surgery Saturday afternoon and evening and remains in critical but stable condition at a Beijing hospital where her family, including her son-in-law, U.S. men’s indoor volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon, and daughter, former olympic athlete Elisabeth Bachman McCutcheon.

The Olympic Committee said McCutcheon would not coach the men’s volleyball team in their opening game again

Todd Bachman was chairman and CEO of Bachman’s, a home store that goes back over 100 years an four generations in the family.

At a press conference Saturday, Dale Bachman, president of the Minnesota company, explained the management structure — brothers and cousins who have lost one.

Video courtesy of The Boston Globe

The U.S. Olympic Committee identified the American killed Saturday in Beijing as Todd Bachman, 62, of Lakeville, Minn., who died after being attacked by an apparently deranged Chinese man who then took his own life.

Bachman was the father-in-law of men’s indoor volleyball head coach Hugh McCutcheon and father of McCutcheon’s wife, 2004 U.S. Olympic women’s indoor volleyball player Elisabeth Bachman McCutcheon, who was with with her father when the attack took place. His wife Barbara, also 62, was seriously injured in the attack and taken to a local hospital with life-treatening injuries.

Elisabeth Bachman McCutcheon was not injured.

“The United States Olympic Committee is saddened to confirm the death of Todd Bachman,” the committee said in a statement Saturday.

The family was touring Beijing’s Drum Tower in Beijing when they were attacked shortly after noon local time. The Chinese state news agency, Xinhua, identified the attacker as Tang Yongming, 47, from the eastern city of Hangzhou. Yongming killed himself by jumping off a second story balcony after the attack.

The Olympic Committee said that the Bachmans were not wearing apparel that identified them as relatives of members of the U.S. Delegation at the time of the attack.

Bachman is the chairman and CEO of Bachman’s Floral, Home and Garden, a popular store in Minnesota.

“It is impossible to describe the depth of our sadness and shock in this tragic hour,” said U.S. Olympic Committee Chairman Peter Ueberroth in the statement. “Our delegation comes to the Games as a family, and when one member of our family suffers a loss, we all grieve with them. Our thoughts, prayers and deepest condolences are with the Bachman and McCutcheon families.”

The US men’s volleyball team plays its first game at 10 p.m. today against Venezuela.

Top distance runner Ryan Shay died unexpectedly on Saturday at the U.S. men’s olympic marathon trials being held in New York. He collapsed 5 1/2 miles into the race. The 28-year old athlete was rushed to Lenox Hill Hospital and was pronounced dead at 8:46 a.m., authorities said.

There were no statements on what caused Shay’s death but the medical examiner’s office said an autopsy will be performed Sunday.

Shay, a native of Michigan, hit the ground near the Central Park boathouse during the 26.2-mile qualifier for the Beijing Olympic Games. He was a favorite going into the 2004 Olympic trials but a hamstring strain caused him to finish 23rd. Shay was the 2003 U.S. marathon champion and was third at this year’s U.S. 25K championships.

He won the U.S. half marathon in 2003 and 2004 and was the NCAA 10,000-meter champion in 2001, the first national individual title in track for Notre Dame, is alma mater. After the 2006 Twin Cities Marathon, he qualified for the olympic trials.

He leaves his wife, Alicia, who is also a distance runner and was trying to make it to Beijing for the women’s 10,000 meter race.