Ace Bernstein (Dustin Hoffman) dazzles as a savvy businessman and threatening yet cool customer on "Luck."

I’m aware how reductive it can be to encapsulate a Milch-ian work in one word. It could devalue the razor-sharp perception embedded in his dialogue, it could diminish the thought-provoking choices made with any given shot, and it could disrespect the dedication his actors make to their characters. But it could also serve as a guidepost for the casual fan who wants to understand this man’s mastery with thematic cohesion.

This week, the word is seduction. The track is home to the sirens. Whether lured in by the tune of revenge, the hymns of glory days, or the rhythm of horses’ hooves, men and women from all walks of life pass through Santa Anita hoping to be seduced, or looking to ensnare. This week, as he outlined for us in last week’s ending, Ace is looking to hire his liaison, or “go-between, for dealing with Mike, the underworld boss who was largely responsible for Ace’s sentence. The more I see of Hoffman’s performance the more I’m won over by his command.

For intimidation, he need only a sarcastic quip or a persistent stare. His most powerful weapon is his disapproval, which can causes young derivatives hotshot, Nathan Israel (played by Patrick J. Adams) to tremble while trying to give off an air of confidence. He becomes Mr. Bernstein’s latest victim when he questions the practicality of his financial recommendations. It’s unsettling not knowing if Ace will lose his own reigns, because even flashes of his “temper” forebode violent capabilities. I fear Ace without him ever lifting a finger, and that’s genuine power. His contempt can be so demoralizing that a blow to the head would be welcomed just loosen his stranglehold on your wits.

Israel is asked politely by his superiors to meet with Ace. Once in Bernstein’s penthouse the interrogation begins. Ace grills him about his interjections in the boardroom and what compelled him to question his requests to free up money to buy the Santa Anita track. His skepticism comes from deducing that he dabbles in illegal business that extends beyond the cocaine possession charge he took three years prior. Ace of course dresses him down, makes him sweat. When Nathan retreats to the “lavatory” he clues in Gus on his motives. He’s unimpressed by the kid’s smarts and ambition, as it takes style to thrive in this business. But he also recognizes that he could would make Mike’s skin crawl, making him perfect for the job of “go-between.” He offers him $1 million for a year’s employ humbling the cocky financial guru.

On the track, our four degenerate pals make a play for the horse Renzo lost at the claiming race. Jerry exhibits prowess as a negotiator, snagging Mon Gateau for $27,000 instead of his supposed market value of $40K. He also convinces Escalante to train him. At first, he’s reluctant, reasoning that he got rid of the horse because his legs are weak even after two years of rehabbing. Jerry then cleverly rebukes: “Guy comes to me about a girl I still have eyes for, I tell him she has crabs.” Escalante is a steep price, but the exhausting expenses don’t deter our “four amigos.”

The childlike wonderment in their eyes as they pet and feed carrots to their new investment suggests this venture was as much about fulfilling a dream as it is about the earning potential. Even Marcus, still loud-mouthed and blunt, forces a smile as he becomes acquainted with the elegant beast. Renzo can’t help but boast to complete strangers and Lonnie appears unaffected my the brutal beating he suffered at the hands of the insurance temptresses when he strokes his new animal companion. It’s touching to see these four appreciating majesty as opposed to feigning for their big play.

It’s a tough week for the jockeys as both Ronnie Jenkins and Leon take major spills. Ronnie is thrown from Walter’s horse, Gettin’ Up Morning, when the foal is bumped off the rail. Ronnie resorts to his diehard habits of snorting cocaine and downing whiskey to ease the pain of a broken collarbone (which he has apparently broken before lamenting that he breaks his collarbone more than he gets laid) and shattered pride. Leon smashes his head on the floor when he passes out trying to make weight in the sauna. The dangers and pressures of ushering these horses to the promised land is beginning to take its toll on the rookie and seasoned veteran alike, causing their agent Joey to stammer even more severely as his clients recover. In Ronnie’s case, he’ll be out 4-6 weeks, but as suggested by his relapse, his time might be running out completely.

As endeared as I have been with Walter, his story this week came off as a memory wipe. Because of Ronnie’s injury he’s forced to confront his decision to deny Rosie the privilege to be his jockey. His now routine monologue is him practicing what he will say to her, and though this deliberation gave me the warm and fuzzies watching the sweet old man get nervous, it amounted to little more than a complication. Despite Ronnie’s propensity for failure, he always had Rosie in waiting so I was never worried that Rosie would not get her shot. Nick Nolte nails his elderly regret as always, but the circumstances surrounding it were slightly contrived.

I had mixed feelings concerning the relationships that were ignited this week. A woman named Claire enters Ace’s life when she requests he fund her Thoroughbred Retirement Fund, a program that would pair up convicts with broken down race horses, but a spark was evident, and Ace expresses his desire to meet with her to Gus. The other was utterly devoid of chemistry. Jo, (Jill Hennessy) Escalante’s veterinarian, is aghast when he accuses her of mouthing off about Mon Gateau’s condition, resulting in the horse being claimed. She is rightly offended, but when he “apologizes” by hitting on her, she responds by sleeping with him later on. I interpreted their hookup as one predicated on convenience, and maybe even loneliness. But if there was supposed to be romance or affection there was none to be found. I’m okay with loveless sex, but the motivations behind it were absent.

Episode Three, proved to be a continuation of last week, but stood on its own two feet during the character moments. Ace in particular started to feel like a real person, and not just a generic ex-con set on revenge. Our four generates showed sides of their personalities that made them more relatable, and the adorable Rosie is returning! Overall, there was less to jump out of my seat for, and with the horse race sequence shortened the episode lacked that injection of adrenaline that keeps me attentive. Milch, Mann and company executed another fine episode with memorable lines and arresting moments of tension and transcendence, but the pivotal race next week and the introduction of Mike will offer the rejuvenation necessary to keep me and other loyal viewers revved up. For maintaining its stylistic brilliance, and allowing us to view our new friends through windows of delight and mischief aside from the pity and desperation of the past two weeks, despite the lack of thrills “Luck” proved “its got a good head” like Gus’ horse avoiding a collision, with a B+.

Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Carlyle) whisks his new housekeeper Belle (Emile de Ravin) away from her father.

My viewing experience of “Once Upon A Time” is tainted, by expectation. I want it to be LOST. It’s creators want it to be LOST, and it never will be.

Last week I gladly declared that OUAT had found its identity and had squandered many of its pretensions and simply tried to be a damn good time. But this week, Kitsis/Horowitz seemed like a needy child tugging at its mother’s pant leg. I thought they were beyond seeking approval. All the Easter eggs and insider jokes like the Apollo Bars and the McCutcheon whiskey were just tributes to the landmark series they took part in. However with Emile de Ravin’s appearance as Belle (yes, of Beauty and the Beast fame) I wonder if Eddy Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, harbor a repressed need to catch lightning in a bottle again.

Surely, De Ravin’s guest appearance is simply an isolated homage, and lofty aspirations haven’t bogged down this creative team. Except, LOST is not the only acclaimed drama to catch OUAT’s wandering eye. They’ve snatched talent like Jennifer Morrison from “House,” Giancarlo Esposito from “Breaking Bad,” and tonight they made a “Game of Thrones” pun by naming a flower shop, “Game of Thorns.” I can’t decide whether it is endearing or desperate.

Much like some classic LOST episodes, tonight’s OUAT was a reveal episode. There was still a fairyback, one brought to life thanks to all those Disney rights! Ah, ABC, you treat them well. And there was “progress” in Storybrooke. But the real meat of the plot came during a two minute interaction between Mr. Gold and Regina where it was finally acknowledged that they both know of their former lives and evil power struggle. She goes all Destiny’s Child, “Say your name!” And he admits to awareness of “other worlds.” This wasn’t presented as a huge deal, it wasn’t even the final reveal of the episode, but it is a revelation with implications for the series at large. It is out in the open now, and if he knows the questions become, will he be a roadblock for Emma and Henry’s plans to enlighten the townsfolk (for my Losties, “Desmond-style”) or could he prove a formidable ally?

I was predisposed to be enthralled with tonight’s fairyback. Beauty and the Beast is almost certainly in my top three Disney flicks of all time (excluding Pixar) and Claire was one of my many beloved Oceanic 815ers so Emile de Ravin had me hooked with little effort. We’re introduced to the heroine as she stews by her father’s side, worried their village will be sacked as the Ogre Wars rage on (Am I the only one who would be fascinated by a detailed history of the events leading up to these wars?). I was mildly disappointed her dad was a rich, lordly fellow instead of an eccentric inventor. Anyway, Rumpelstiltskin appears as the solution to their suffering, promising to save their town in exchange for Belle’s services as his permanent housekeeper. Her betrothed, Gaston, insists she stay, but Belle is intent on breaking away from the social constraints of womanhood, seizing the opportunity to be heroic. She elects to go with Rumpy, much to his delight.

In the real world, there was much less interesting fare. Mr. Gold is robbed by a florist, Mr. French, after Gold nabs his van as collateral. Gold seems awfully upset over one particular item that Sheriff Swan hadn’t yet recovered and threatens that if she doesn’t detain Mr. French, he will get to him first. When he does, he beats the florist with his cane for information on the whereabouts of this item. He starts screaming about “her” and how it’s his fault that, “she is gone.” When he refuses to divulge the entire truth to Emma, he is cuffed.

In a Storybrooke subplot, Ashley returns. Who? Oh, that pregnant girl who is Cinderella in Fairy Tale Land (FTL). She’s overtired from taking care of the baby because her baby daddy Shawn is always at work being the breadwinner. Ruby (FTL identity: Red Riding Hood) suggest that she and Mary Margaret join her for a ladies night on the town. Both agree, especially Mary Margaret who’s once again unsatisfied by only being a part-time lover to David, who is still carrying on with his wife, Kathryn. I normally care about those two lovebirds, but the developments felt so wedged in, that I became detached. Next week their affair will come to a head when Kathryn finds out.

At Rumpy’s castle, Belles settles in after feeling initially weary about handing over her life to a “monster.” But as the “tale as old as time” foretold, Rumpy begins to treat her nicely, even pardoning her when she chips a cup. This is of course an allusion to “Chip” from Disney’s incarnation of the tale. You might say this reference made me groan, but I shall not complain as I promised last week. Rumpy begins to fall for her first, turning Gaston into a rose for his sweetheart when he comes to her rescue. Then, Belle’s opinion of her master (kinky) shifts when she falls from a ladder into his arms (the editing and VFX in this scene are ATROCIOUS). She begins to probe him for information about his past, when he was a man. She yearns to know the man she will serve forever better. In a move to test her affection for him, Rumpy asks Belle to go into town for more straw. If she comes back, he will tell her the story of the son he lost. He expressed that he expects her to never come back.

On her journey she runs into the Evil Queen. EQ informs her that her master’s curse will be broken, and his humanity restored if he receives true love’s kiss. Knowing that his beastly features and evil within can be eroded she returns to him. But when she shares true love’s kiss with Rumpy, he resists the change. He suspects her to be an agent of the EQ, trying to remove his powers, to weaken him. For her treason, Belle is thrown in the dungeon. After a tantrum in which the only glassware spared is the chipped cup, he releases her, never wanting to see her again. She calls him a coward as his son had when he killed to protect him, a genuine callback and reference that felt the most organic and essential of any they’ve attempted.

Shakeups in Storybrooke abound when Ashley accepts Shawn’s marriage proposal and Mary Margaret bumps into David. He hands her a V-day card, but accidentally hands her one addressed to Kathryn. This tips the scales for MM and she observes that they will find a way to be together, but this isn’t it. Back at SBPD, Regina bribes Emma with a half hour visit with Henry (this wouldn’t strike her as odd…awful sheriff….and where’s mystery writer/biker dude?) in order to converse with Mr. Gold. She confesses to encouraging Mr. French to rob him, asking that he bring her back…his chipped cup. She held this as leverage so that Gold would speak his FTL name. It’s a fun scene that recalls the legend that surrounds his name. As I mentioned before, this revelation that they both know could add a layer of mixed allegiances or simply heighten the risks involved in Emma and Henry’s pursuit of the truth.

While Rumpy slumps at his spindle over his reluctance to allow love in his heart, for fear of rejection, EQ visits hoping they can strike another deal. When he is not in the mood he accuses her outright of ruining their relationship. She cryptically answers that she had nothing to do with “that tragedy.” Puzzled, Rumps asks of what she speaks. EQ shares that upon returning home, her father had shunned her. He learned of her love for “The Beast” and has banished to a tower where clerics will cleanse her soul. Distraught, she threw herself out of the tower, falling to her death. This explains the sentimental value surrounding the cup in the real world, it’s all he had left of her. Or so he thinks. The very last scene of the episode shows Regina entering a secret wing of the hospital where “Belle” is locked up. What repercussions could this have for their eternal power struggle? I’m unsure, but again it opens up the dimensions for the real world adding a darker tinge to the episodes to follow. Gold, like EQ may not want to go back to FTL, but they want to vanquish each other. The more moral ambiguity that can be infused in these classics, the better. And with the sporadic investment in real world proceedings before this, another reason to care wouldn’t hurt.

Nearly all the real world happenings felt inconsequential. This irrelevant quality took a sharp 180 toward the end, but I can’t discount my utter boredom beforehand. Ashley had been gone for so long, her engagement felt like a formality. And when I start feeling blase about any plot point that involves Mary Margaret you know it hasn’t been well rendered. Despite these clear narrative shortcomings, it was pleasant to step into the world of “Beauty and the Beast” again, and it’s always a pleasure to watch Emile de Ravin smile sheepishly at me (ok, in my general direction). For it’s sheer entertainment value, and for effectively (and finally) incorporating the gritty, tragic elements of the FTL futility into the thrust of the Storybrooke setting, OUAT regresses but swings its pendulum in a positive direction with a B-.

The terrorist attacks that brought down the World Trade Center, damaged The Pentagon, and downed U.A. Flight 93 in Shanksville, Penn. are unique in several ways. They were arguably the turning point in American Warfare, turning our defensive procedures to a larger, more focused scale for our Homeland Security measures. It turned our full attention offensively to the Middle East, which has occupied our military efforts over the last decade. They have also had the distinction of being the first major U.S. tragedy to hit during the information age, making it one of the better documented historical events in our country’s existence. Using much of the video footage, audio recordings, and transcribed conversations between the individuals involved with the tragedy, The Discovery Channel has put together a new documentary tentatively called The 9/11 Tapes: Chaos in the Sky, a minute to minute recount of the morning of September 11 2001 through the eyes of the military and air traffic control units that dealt with the hijackings first hand.

The majority of Chaos in the Sky is told through the eyes of the soldiers stationed at Otis Air National Guard Base in Cape Cod as well as air traffic controllers in New York City and Boston. The documentary is done in a minute to minute basis, covering the beginning of the morning at both Otis and JFK airport in Boston. When the initial hijack occurs, the recorded conversations in both Otis and JFK reveal the general feeling on all fronts was that they had a hostage situation on their hands and no high amounts of alarm were scene, being that there was a procedure in place for such things. This of course changes when the hijackers crashed American Airlines 11 into the World Trade Center’s North Tower. From there the documentary becomes a chaotic and somewhat frightening look at the nature of our vulnerability to such an attack and the actions that were taken by the officials who were in charge of handling it.

Though several specials about the attacks have been made in the last year (marking the ten year anniversary of the attack), Chaos in the Sky does have a very unique angle to it. This is mainly stems from how calculated and official the tone of the documentary is and the use of the official recordings from Otis. While most of the pieces put out about the attacks last year where focused on the civilian and public service aspects, this special focuses almost completely on the air traffic controllers and military pretense during the attack. This gives the documentary a very war-like tone, with much of the dialog becoming aerodynamic jargon and military code. There is also a difference in message from most specials about 9/11, with a large portion of the time spent pointing out the shortcomings of the official bodies involved, including the failure of the Federal Aviation Administration (F.A.A.) to inform North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) of the hijacked plane’s initial redirection in a standard amount of time, NORAD’s failure to scramble jets immediately, and the unorganized fashion the jets were eventually scrambled in that prevented them from arriving on the scene sooner.

It is the job of historians to record the events of the past in as accurate and unbiased way possible. Now, a decade after what is arguably one the first major world changing event for Generation Y, we can begin to look at not only what was done to our country, but also what could have been done in order to control it at the time. Chaos in the Sky is a great look at the events of the morning at 9/11 not just for it’s preciseness, but for its new view on the subject and is a must see for history and military buffs.

The special premieres TONIGHT, February 12 at 9 p.m.

After the new show, “X Factor”, underperformed in its first season, Cowell had to release the hosts Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger.

Cowell blames himself, saying that his expectations were unreasonable, and “It’s only because I opened my big mouth and said we were going to get 20 million [viewers]. If I hadn’t said that, everybody would be saying the show was a huge success.”

Cowell told Extra that he would have liked to keep Abdul on the show, but that she is understanding.

The only judge who remains from the original trio is L.A. Reid, because, in the words of Cowell, “There’s not a record executive out there who is as good as him for the job.”

Cowell mentioned Katy Perry, Madonna and Mariah Carey as potential options for new judges, but everything remains in the consideration stage.

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and the gang try to dupe their strict, creepy landlord.

A hilarious “New Girl” is no longer equivalent to finding a diamond in the rough. Dare I say, it may be the most dependable new comedy. All the praises I’ve sung in recent weeks still apply. I’ve harmonized about its self-referential humor, or melodized over hitting its stride in respect to laugh-per-minute ratios, and I must preach again to the overworked choir. The writers have not fallen asleep at the wheel, continuing to pit that undeniable “Jess-ence” (trademarking it!) against every dysfunctional roommate and guest star with stellar returns.

This week, we confront the eternal struggle of People inherently suck vs. People are inherently good. Original sin vs. Redemption. The cold open presents this ideological standoff when Nick vies for the same parking space as another gentleman. Both quickly resort to hostile tactics to get what they want. When Nick beckons him to fight, his opposition pulls out a gun. Jess then talks the man down by conceding that Nick was being an idiot and that she was sorry about the altercation. The man then drove off and the powers of optimism prevailed. Unconvinced, Nick does not back down from his stance that people are jerks at their core.

When more appliances start to break down in the loft, Jess insists they ask the janitor to fix them. When the manly trio suggests they don’t because he is frightening, she takes it as a challenge. She enters his basement office armed with a plate of cupcakes. When she tries to appeal to his estranged side she lets it slip that there are four people living in an apartment designed for three. Apparently the gang had prepared for such an event and initiates an operation whereby they empty the contents of Schmidt’s room onto their balcony and he pretends to be a foreigner visiting LA. Landlord dude (played refreshingly off-putting by the hulky Jeff Kober) isn’t buying, but upon inspection he deemed the arrangement acceptable (only if Schmidt’s paints over a disturbing mural he describes as a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony). Jess then attempts to coerce some maintenance work out of him and like putty in her hand he agrees. Nick immediately assumes the landlord, who we learn is named Remy (Jess astutely observes his tattoo that reads, “Hello, my name is Remy”) is only trying to get in her pants.

The standoff that follows is a clash between two stringent believers. In quick flashbacks, we are enlightened about where their divergent perspectives came from in humorously simplistic vignettes. Nick’s memory is of finding a fiver on the sidewalk and feeling elated. Instantaneously, a jogging man pushes him into the brush after snatching it away. Jess’ memory is of a sketchy, grimy man pulling up to her in a white van who asked, “Do you like candy, little girl?” Jess unflinchingly answered, “I sure do.”

Now, I’m sure those of you who are like Nick and I were weary of what would come next. But of course, subverting stereotype, the man replies, “Good, because my nana made way too much!”. The sliding door of the van opens and a wheelchair-ridden Nana hands her a plate of candy. Obviously the world is much more nuanced than the hyperbolic scenarios that played out in their childhoods, but the show, once again, credits its audience with a high degree of intelligence: we know these are intentionally stark representations are going for laughs. Still, it provides us with a bit of context with which to understand why they so strongly defend their outlooks. I’d be down for this brand of characterization in the future where we can laugh at these embellished personifications of their childhood while being enlightened about their motives.

After completing his handiwork, and opening up a little about how he and his ex-wife, “stopped humping,” Jess invites Remy to dinner as a token of gratitude. Winston and Schmidt seem unenthused, still with some lingering fear of the burly man, but Nick insists he’ll stay as watchdog, protecting Jess from the landlord’s libidinous intentions. As the dinner progresses, and Nick and Remy bond over their harsh breakups, Jess begins her victory lap. She suggests that Nick should not sell people short and make it a habit to “dip your toe in the pool of possibilities.” However, she may have spoke too soon; Remy misconstrues their honest evening conversations as a preface for a menage a trois. Unwilling to relinquish or surrender, a battle to outlast ensues where Jess refuses to admit defeat and she plays along with Remy’s fantasy. Like a trooper, she fakes delight in the prospect of an excruciatingly awkward (Nick endures Remy’s callusy caress for far too long as well) threesome, up until Remy requests that Nick kiss her. She then folds and the gang resigns to tolerate any shoddy workmanship thereon.

Schmidt’s B-story reenforces his role as the comedic tour de force of the show, while remaining only slightly detached from the show’s soul. This is acceptable as long as he’s not ancillary to the main thread entirely, which this episode accomplishes. At work, his boss Kim is giving him mixed signals. Winston draws from history, convinced that Schmidt is once again misinterpreting someone’s interaction with him as an appeal for sexual gratification. The micro-montage of such instances was quite amusing particularly his insistence that the delivery man was definitely suggestive when he informed Schmidt he had “a package” for him. The most ingenious turn of this plot, however, was how right he was. Kim’s alluring tone as she requests he “Clean out her hard drive” was overtly sensual, but due to his miscalculations of the past, he refrains. Cece (Jess’ model gal pal that he pines for) advises him to go for it, since asking permission would only be a turn off. Therefore, when Kim alludes to spending the night alone with a bottle of wine, Schmidt conjures up the wherewithal to pounce on her. Unfortunately, when the security catch him in the act they observe incorrectly that he is jumping her and pin him on the ground and cuff him. The coda of this storyline is wonderfully absurd as well.

When Schmidt states his genuine intentions to pursue her romantically she uses her same luscious voice to urge him to dial her in to the Tokyo conference call. Perceiving this as the green light, Schmidt strips down to his skivvies in anticipation, unknowingly putting on a show for a fleet of Japanese businessmen as he pratices his sexy poses.

The thematic cohesion paid great dividends as we learn the dangers of staunch belief systems. Sometimes people do have ill intentions while being mostly kind-hearted and sometimes those who are attracted to us can ask us for favors without an ulterior sexual motive. The sitcom realm is frequently black and white, and “New Girl’s” stabs at meta-commentary continue to please and establish a sophisticated wit that I believe will usher in viewers who were skeptical of the show’s naked premises of a female roommate shaking up the lives of three male roommates.

I was disappointed, however, that Winston was not afforded a shred of a C-story. His two major contributions were as passerby witness to the thwarted threesome and as the discoverer of a damning list of Schmidt’s 2007 New Year’s resolutions (some of which I will post in L.O.L.Ls) and when he is tasked with painting over the mural in Schmidt’s “interplanetary sex dojo,” a description which had me gasping for air I laughed so violently. Winston has not always been neglected, but when he is it reeks of laziness, because they’ve sewn the fabric for future exploration of his post-basketball life and his struggles with readjustment.

The tie-in of assumptions and misinterpretations is presented so strongly though, its mostly forgivable. Nonetheless, I was thrown slightly as to why Jess would persist in indulging Remy’s horndog tendencies just to prove a point. It would only serve to degrade Jess to engage in such a seemingly horrendous act, but I suppose the over-the-top elements speak to how strong Jess and Nick’s convictions are to be right. Also, it served the added function of strengthening the sexual tension by teasing the “pool of possibility” that they might kiss. I’m not the biggest fan of a will they/won’t they scenario for this show, but those two clearly exude the most chemistry so I will keep an open mind, as Jess would recommend.

Those reservations aside, this week churned out another 22 minutes of top-shelf jokes (a surprising number were delivered by Zooey Deschanel as she continues to debunk the myths of her comedic shortcomings), reaffirmed my man crush on Schmidt’s buffoonery, and enhanced Jess and Nick’s likability by offering a background for those who scorned their apparent one-notedness. My outlook for the series’ future reflects that of our incessantly sanguine title character. “New Girl” persists in the face of low, but premature critical expectations, beating the odds with sustainability and a B+.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines

- When a stranger brandishes his gun, Jess shouts, “Oh my god, it’s like the Wire!”

- “I like your bucket of…gasoline. Super practical.”

- “I’ve got a fun exercise. I’d like every one to take a moment and think back to a time when you did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.”

- “You look like you should be distracting James Bond at a baccarat table.”

Some of Schmidt’s more notable New Year’s resolutions from 2007:

1. Find the cocoon that will release your inner butterfly

2. Find out where Winston gets his sparkle and steal it

3. Start floating idea people call me Mr. Finish/Gametime Jones/The Hookup-erator

4. Just pick a color of Crocs and buy them already!

- Remy, the landlord, finding common ground with Nick:

“Did you go out looking for companionship, a little human warmth, and when you came to you were in the woods, covered in animal blood?”

“In my own way.”

- Nick to Jess: I think you could do a lot worse than Remy. He’s got strong arms.”

- “Great choice, Remy. Nick will make a fantastic underpants captain!”

"Man's Best Friend" seemed to be the consensus favorite of last night's Super Bowl ads.

Without a doubt, the Super Bowl is the biggest TV event of the year. Brand name companies and their advertisers mark the day on their calendars knowing they will be paying an arm and a leg, but the exposure will be tremendous. But with every company looking to stand out, they brought their “A” game.

The Doritos contest strategy paid off immensely. According to USA Today’s Ad-Meter it was the most popular ad to air last night. Brand Bowl 2012, said it was the most tweeted about generating 48,498 tweets. “Man’s Best Friend,” a finalist in the “Crash the Super Bowl” contest, had me cracking up. The commercial centers around a cat-murdering dog who bribes his owner with a bag of Doritos to shut him up.

Also earning a lot of laughs was the other finalist, “Sling Baby.” In this one, a kid taunts his grandmother because he has a bag of Doritos’. Grandma decides she will launch the kid’s baby brother using the bungee-cord jumper to snag it from him.

More on the side of controversy was David Beckham’s risque black and white ad commercial for clothing retailer H&M. The concept is simple. Closeups of Beckham in nothing, but their new man panties, zooming in on his chiseled chest and torso (as well as his tattoos), set to porn music, basically. Although, the women in my household, and presumably all across America, were hot and bothered, this wasn’t what incited an uproar. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) demanded that CNN commentator Roland Martin be fired immediately regarding his tweet about the H&M commercial: “If a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him!” This angered the gay activist organization, causing them to respond: “@rolandsmartin Advocates of gay bashing have no place at @CNN #SuperBowl #LGBT.” Roland retorted, “Well you’re clearly out of touch and clueless with what I tweeted. Way to assume, but you’re way off base.” He later tried to justify his remarks to his over 94,000 followers tweeting, “It’s hilarious when idiots…see my Beckham tweet as homophobic and I rip on soccer all of the time.” Whether he meant it as a slight at soccer and his fans or as a denigration of homosexual behavior matters little. GLAAD is not letting up, still rousing supporters and gay bloggers to initiate a campaign for his termination. To get up close and personal with David, click here.

Lovers of women in lingerie were not neglected, however. Adriana Lima, Victoria’s Secret model, appeared as a spokeswoman for Teleflora, an online flower delivery service. Needless to say, it was every bit as sexy as Beckham’s. Lima seems to be getting dressed for a night on the town as we watch her hook her bra and pull on her tights. And unlike H&M’s, it included dialogue: “Guys, Valentine’s Day is not that complicated. Give, and you shall receive.” Message happily received. Pay your respects to Ms. Lima here

Brand Bowl’s third most popular was courtesy of Chrysler. Clint Eastwood waxed philosophic about the recovery of Detroit’s motor industry. Apparently, Eastwood’s rhetoric on “Halftime in America” and us rallying as a nation to “come from behind,” touched the hearts of Americans like Eminem’s ode to Detroit did (set to his “Lose Yourself”) last year.

My personal favorite was from Fiat, who equated the beauty of their new sleek and sporty model with being seduced by an Italian supermodel (picture below). The reveal that he was kissing the window of a car completely caught me off guard, and was probably the most inventive premise of the night, while still going for sex appeal. For a laugh riot, click.

Filling out the remaining contenders, I was underwhelmed by Budweiser’s contributions, but thought the dog named “Wego,” was clever. Hint: If you call the dog, you would say “Here, Wego.” “Here We Go” is the Bud slogan. Going for the nostalgia factor, Acura and Honda shelled out the big bucks for tributes to pop culture. For Acura, Jerry Seinfeld starred in a parody of his “Seinfeld” show and Matthew Broderick showed up in Honda’s homage to his 80s classic, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” Yeah, I got all the references, but it just didn’t tickle my funny bone like the others.

So, note to self: Wanna make millions on ads? Include babies, attractive and scantily clad women (but you can throw in a dude), and animal personification. Nostalgia is hit or miss, and involving your customers via contests can never hurt.

I won’t mention the game itself, because I know here in Boston it is a day of mourning, but I hope you at least enjoyed some of these crowd-pleasers up until the final whistle. Was one of your favorites not mentioned? Share links and your opinions of the ads mentioned in the comments section.

More gorgeous horse races, scheming, gambling and intrigue on the second episode of HBO's "Luck."

HBO doesn’t do small-scale. Sure, “The Sopranos” was a family drama embedded in the all-consuming network of the mob, and “The Wire” never neglected the personal struggles within the deteriorating city of Baltimore, but both shows required a steep learning curve (a few episodes) before one could fully immerse themselves in these familiar yet foreign expanses. There was no denying, however, the web of interconnectedness from the get-go. Everyone shared a commonality of experience, the impact of their worlds’s stranglehold, the futility of escape. Whether tied to a family, an occupation, a city or a way of life, these dramas always emphasized the love/hate relationship people have with the place they came from, and how indelibly linked its character is to ours.

“Luck” follows this formula. Last week, it was a universe that seemed impenetrable for outsiders and the unestablished connections between the track insiders had us scratching our heads. I was compelled by the grandeur of this well-oiled, horse racing machine. So many cogs were operating, but the functions of each gear eluded me. Then I remembered the insistence and the infinite wisdom of “Luck’s” predecessor, “The Wire,” “…All the pieces matter.” With that in mind, the labor of the pilot paid off this week. The table-setting paved the way for exploration, and as viewers we begin to recognize where the tragic threads are being woven. Revenge plots are being forged, envy and greed threatens the glory in victory, and opportunities to climb the ladder present themselves.

THIRST was the overriding feeling of the episode. Every one had a compulsion, an overwhelming desire. Some were fulfilled, some were denied, but none subsided. All are bitter about changing world. One woman even mentioned President Obama (referring to him coyly, and farcically, as the Muslim President from Kenya) in creating an analogy about broken promises. These are people set in their singular ways about prosperity and success and they won’t be satisfied with their latest score. They’re going to play the game until they win big or you lose it all.

Ace Bernstein (Dustin Hoffman) already lost it all. We finally learn the origin story of his three-year prison sentence. He fell on his sword, taking the charge for his grandson at NYU, and an unseen associate, Mike. Mike was stashing his cocaine at a co-op apartment that Ace had purchased for business and entertainment. He allowed his descendant to use the place for raging parties and one night the cops crashed it, arresting the grandson on a lofty possession charge. Ace was offered a deal. His flesh and blood would be set free if he would divulge the name of the supplier. They knew it was Mike, but they required official testimony. Ace had never ratted on anyone his whole life, and though Mike would have snitched on him in a heartbeat he took the fall so both Mike and his grandson would remian free. Nevertheless, all’s not forgiven.

The business dealings of last week come into sharper focus as we learn Ace is planning to buy the Santa Anita track and convert it into a casino. What remains undisclosed is how this transaction will factor into his vengeful scheme, but he’s on the warpath, no doubt about it. Gus, “The Greek,” owning a horse is also a piece to the puzzle, but as far as I’m concerned the slow reveal of the details is earned by Hoffman’s portrayal of a sleeping giant. He exudes a slick poise, but on occasion will unleash a lion’s roar to alarm his partners about his grip on reality post-incarceration. He is dangling the bait, and we’re waiting for for one of his investment “pals” to bite. His bluntness and sarcastic debonair make him both fearful and likable. His sinister unveilings of payback have you rooting for his badass “Bernstein temper” side and his tender reflections with Gus at day’s end bring him down to earth, like a Grandpa with lessons of hard work and determination to impart.

Our four “degenerates” come across some difficulties adjusting to their newfound fortune. Jerry’s gambling addiction runs rampant with the recent influx of funds and his willingness to keep playing despite huge losses reaches dangerous levels. He loses $7,000 in one night only to return the night after. But as he watches his thousands of dollars in chips slip through his fingers, his resolve to win only strengthens. When he barely ekes out the biggest pile of the night he’s floating on a cloud, impervious to harm, but with such a large margin or error and so little willpower to walk away, we might as well start counting the days until either the thrill of the chase overtakes him.

Renzo appears to be the most kind-hearted, if  not the most childlike, of the four, and wishes to repay his gratitude through a grand gesture. Now that he can afford to, he wants to lay claim to a horse. In order to manipulate the odds, trainer Turo Escalante (John Ortiz) enters his horse Mon Gateau (one of the degenerates’ Pick Six winners) into a claiming race. The only hitch is Renzo is eyeing that horse. With all the  good karma surrounding it, after it proved to be key to their jackpot, Renzo figures he should scoop it up as the perfect gift to the group. When Mon Gateau wins the race, validating Renzo’s interest, he’s hopeful that he will capitalize on his investment. But another claim was put in. A man named Mulligan had gathered the same intel and after drawing marbles, Mulligan wins the horse.

Marcus, my favorite of the group right now because of the biting insults and his weathered voice of reason, is disgusted by Jerry and Renzo for flaunting their money. He feels they are asking to be targeted by those willing to resort to violence to obtain their winnings. They are relatively tame in their extravagance, however, compared to Lonnie, who dons a new suit and hat. Marcus has a fit. Lonnie’s stray remark about “having two insurance women pay him to f**k” is also explained. Supposedly, these two women are indeed insurance agents, and they have orchestrated a scam involving Lonnie and a fabricated “slip and fall” (watch out for the irony in this term, I’ll come back to it toward the end of the review). As Marcus had predicted though, they learned of his recent cash infusion and change the plan. They took out a life insurance policy in his name and after seducing him and spiking his drink, attempt to kill him. As (wait for it) luck would have it, during their scrum they break through the motel window and a passerby whisks him away and drops him off outside of Renzo and Marcus’ room.

On the track, Escalante is furious after Mon Gateau is claimed and suspects Leon of loose lips. Preoccupied, he fumes at Gus when he makes a innocuous remark about his horse’s condition. Escalante takes a lot of pride in his expertise and when that authority is challenged, or undermined in anyway, consequences (inadvertent or otherwise) are to be expected. Earlier in the episode, Leon did confide in his agent, Joey Rathburn, wondering whether the horse that was put down last week wasn’t fit to race, and Escalante knew beforehand. It’s a heavy allegation and Joey says that he should just keep his mouth shut and ride exactly as Escalante advises. On a side note, Escalante continues to strain my ears with his thick accent, but David Milch and his writing staff are very aware. Another character references it, “I must need a vacation because I just understood everything you just said.”

Rosie, the ravishing Irish women who’s employed as exercise rider by Nick Nolte’s Walter Smith, makes a bold move and requests that she be Gettin’ Up’s jockey. She has established a strong rapport with the horse who continues to dazzle in workouts, but Walter has his doubts. Evidently, horse racing is a man’s world, but Rosie’s humble perseverance give Walter pause. Wanting the best for his horse he hires a Kentucky Derby-winning jockey, Ronnie Jenkins, who seems like the sure bet. Little does he know that Ronnie has a drinking problem and may have passed up the better candidate. In a kind gesture though, Walter asks Joey Rathburn (also Ronnie’s agent) if he’ll put in a word for Rosie at another track, Portland Meadows, and set her up with a good agent. Yet that wasn’t the moment most worthy of Walter’s highlight reel. During his discussions with Ronnie, he recalls how Gettin Up’s father, Delphi, was murdered. When his owner, “The Colonel,” (it is never made clear if he meant the KFC founder or not) the men who took over his farm spent irresponsibly and killed the horse for the insurance policy. He laments over what he could have done to stop it, and describes the sound of horses’ legs breaking as branches snapping. Nolte’s delicate treatment of this tortured soul has already won me over, along with the easy-on-the-eyes Kerry Condon as the trailblazing Rosie, I wish him the best in the episodes to come.

Some will complain that show moves too slow, but I would argue that with all the pawns being put in place for the endgame, maybe it moves too quickly. Because the intrigue is mounting. Balls are rolling as tensions rise and each character offers their own vibrance and zeal. Milch’s dialogue contains a firecracker wit, that adds a bounce to the deliberate pacing. Much like the horse races themselves, the show is high stakes, and as the characters’ need to quench their thirst becomes more desperate, the more invested we become in their “slips and falls” and who/what else will stumble in the quakes and aftershocks. Like Jerry at the poker table, each loss only drives me to come back and leave with the whole pot. The payoff is nowhere in sight, but my fixation on its possibilities match the yearning that intoxicates the “Luck” universe. The joys quickly fade, giving way to the race that lies ahead. Risk is equaling reward so far, as David Milch goes all in. For the audacious cast, the haunting sense of place, and the commitment to thematic balance (the scores and the failures, the lively thrills and the deathly devastations) HBO’s gamble comes out of the second turn (with seven episodes of ground to cover before we reach “the straightaway”) ahead with an A.*

*As of January 31, HBO showed great confidence in “Luck,” after over 3 million watched the series premiere, renewed the show for a second season.

Ann (Rashida Jones) waits impatiently for the slew of dates Leslie (Amy Poehler) has lined up for her.

At times, “Parks and Recreation” can feel like a delightful embarrassment of riches. There are so many balls in the air that you wonder how they could possibly be juggling them all. Just as you did with the pretty, popular valedictorian in high school, you dug deep to extract that one irredeemable quality. The pivotal flaw that you could exploit to prove she doesn’t deserve the student body’s worship. Then you confront that flaw and realize that even her imperfections make her likable. Then you hate your yourself, because you aren’t pretty, popular, or smart and your flaws just repel all the attractive people.

Excluding the last sentence (I think I’m swell), this has been my relationship with “Parks” as a critic. As a fan, I have laughed my ass off, fallen in love with all the characters, and even began to prefer hanging out in Pawnee over my hometown in suburban Connecticut. As a critic, it’s counterintuitive to my very existence to unconditionally adore any TV show. That same act of extracting flaws is turned toward more productive pursuits (in my humble opinion), the analysis of what makes for effective storytelling. In the case of “Parks,” I have crammed my reviews with praise for the writers’ ability to craft and maintain multidimensional characters and how they can cultivate jokes rooted in their specific traits. Tonight’s episode, however, reminded me of Ann: quite possibly the sweetest, most charming blemish.

Leslie’s best friend and ex-girlfriend to both Chris and Andy, is largely defined by those relationships. Who she’s dating and how exemplary her friendship with Leslie is, are her major talking points. Tonight spoke to the show’s stagnation with her role, and the stagnation it can foster when she either isn’t dating someone or when Leslie’s attention is focused elsewhere: such as Ben and her campaign. But what made this episode extraordinary was that it simultaneously answered that concern with rich possibilities for self-discovery that can add to the already intricately-woven tapestry that is the Pawnee Parks Department.

It’s February 13, or as Leslie has dubbed it, Galentine’s Day: a celebration in sisterhood. The adorable concept, Leslie  takes her gal pals to brunch so that they may love themselves as women, individually and communally, but separate from the men in their lives. Obviously, this year is different. Leslie’s in love. Silly, miraculous, sickening, dreamy love. And Ann, who churns through guys like today’s teenagers do cell phones, is alone. During her “confessional” she convinces herself that she is at piece with her singlehood, and at the table she congratulates the others (Donna, Leslie’s mom, April) on their relationships. However sincere, it’s laughable how sarcastic she sounds. Immediately, Leslie swoops in to save her dearest friend like a animal caught in some netting. This is not an original plot by ANY means. Ann and Leslie have played opposite roles, but the general principle of matchmaking prevails. What makes it feel brand new are the contributions from the rest of the gang. They’re not at all obligated to, but because Leslie would “lit’rally” do anything for them, they ask Leslie “How high,” before she even requests they jump. Sure, it wasn’t the cleverest plot ever conceived, but it gave us an excuse to return to the giving, thoughtful Leslie. It would be an exaggeration to say politics has changed her, but it has forced her to be self-absorbed, and before I could recognize how much I missed her magnanimity she reappeared.

The scope of her altruism extended to her valentine as well. Though they had promised not to exchange gifts, Ben had a stuffed animal made based on her recurring dream of a playboy otter (where do these ideas COME FROM), and she gave him—a cryptex. Inspired by the first movie they watched together on Starz HD, “The Da Vinci Code,” it’s a device that stores inside instructions on how to arrive at his surprise. Of course, he must know the five-letter code first, and he is clueless. Thus, the ingenious trio of sleuths, Ben, Ron and Andy is formed (not before Ron and Andy suggest the code might be f**k and actually “break it”). Hot on the trail, Ron tries to resist the allure of riddles and clues. Once he discovers he has a knack for the game, his patented giggle is unleashed, one that is only revealed when Swanson breaks down his meat-soaked, manly exterior and simply enjoys himself. The point is illustrated superbly in one outlandish, ironic scene, Ron enters “The Bulge,” Pawnee’s premier gay bar. He confidently saunters in, inquires about Leslie’s clue, retrieves it and then walks out giggling effeminately as the aroused patrons gawk at him, bewildered. It’s a truly mesmerizing scene that renders you silent until the awes dissipates and you erupt at how splendid it is to watch Ron own that room, as if it were his old stomping grounds, despite being the antithesis of the Swanson way.

At the annual couples dance, sponsored by the Parks Department, Jerry, April and Tom try to scrounge up candidates to be Ann’s date. Jerry incidentally hires a gay male escort and Tom contributes the cowboy wanna-be, Harris. Harris is played by Emerson College alum (rep my school!) Harris Wittels, one of the most frequent writers for the show. He makes an impression as a lives-at-home Phish Phanatic (he’s been to 308 concerts). Former flame, Chris, has sunken into the polar opposite of his usual optimism, all-encompassing sadness. As DJ for the event, he constructs the most miserable playlist. Tom, often a catalyst for parties trying to break the fun barrier, tries to cheer him up pointing out how many prospects could be out there in the dance floor. Chris’ pessimistic reply is that no one compares to Millicent Gurgitch: everyone except her father Jerry. What ensued was the laugh out loud nominee for best facial expression, a longing, gentle stare from across the room. Just the idea of Chris yearning for Jerry makes me burst out.

Eventually, Ron solves Leslie’s 25-clue scavenger hunt when he suggests that the only thing she covets more than romance is being right. He asks Ben if he has recently shifted to her way of thinking on a point of disagreement recently. Ben applauds Ron’s expertise and rushes over to Lil’ Sebastian’s grave. As fans beyond this season will know, Lil’ Sebastian is the miniature horse that captured the hearts of Pawneeans, no matter their creed. Ben (even Ron got visibly choked up at the horse’s funeral) doesn’t get it. The appeal escapes him. Leslie is blissfully unaware of his true feelings though, thinking he has finally come to understand his greatness. Her reward for Ben was to treat him to dinner, but when she suspects that Ann and Chris have left for a secret date to rekindle their feelings and remedy their loneliness he suggests it would be better that they spy on them. They would, of course, be breaking the same rule they had: a personal relationship between a superior and his subordinate.

All these shenanigans lead me back to my thesis on this episode’s depictions of growth. April, despite her usual ambivalence, or even sometimes active rooting for chaos, showed last week with Chris’ grieving that she puts others before herself in order to make them happy. Is it possible Leslie’s selflessness has rubbed off? At any rate, in this episode April assists the women she swore to despise ever since she kissed the man she’d later marry. Not only has her hostility softened, but she actively seeks to support Ann by offering an unlikely solution to a lack of well-intended male attention. Tom. No, seriously. This was no sabotage by April. And she makes a salient point. Tom, when you carve off the layer of swagger-ful facade, he is at his most basic elements a sweet guy who would dote on Ann, and make her feel like the most adored and important woman in the world, even against his better judgment. April also observes that Tom is the sole man to make her laugh and smile that night.

Upon LesBen’s arrival at the restaurant they had followed Ann to, it’s revealed to us that the Tom/Ann pairing came to fruition, at least for a few drinks that night. They were the secret date Leslie had speculated about. Suggestive of her improvement in approaching healthier romantic relationships, Ann decides to allow Tom the opportunity to audition. By all accounts, he fails miserably. He makes some wisecrack about getting to know each other so they may later “snuggle up, like little bunnnnnies.” Ann says, “Ugh, this was a mistake,” and it’s over. So Tom doesn’t make significant strides like April did, and Ron only told Leslie how titillating he found her series of riddles in reverse psychological code. And that’s okay. It wouldn’t have been so authentic if everyone had resolved their imperfections. Ann remaining a “beautiful spinster” is not a blight on the tapestry’s fabric.

For me, “Operation Ann” signified progress. Alan Sepinwall, a fellow critic whom I look up to, theorizes that maybe April’s marked spike in maturity could be a precursor to her breaking away from Andy. One of his commenters suggested maybe it is his Andy himself, and his pure heart, that has galvanized her good deeds. Either way, whether April blossoms into a benevolent young lady is immaterial. It matters not that Tom thwarts his chance to woo Ann. The vital ingredient this episode added to the mixture was motivation. As mentioned above, I applaud the “Parks” staff for their commitment to the authenticity of their characters. Their voices are distinct and their ideals, their motivations, their far, their desires are clearly mapped, by now. But my stamp of approval was earned when they broke their own conventions of the characters allowing them the forward movement to fundamentally change aspects of who they are.

We want to spend time with these guys because they feel real, because they assert themselves. They make mistakes. They live. And there’s no reset button that erases the previous week’s errors in judgment. There are rules, and damn it, they break them week to week, but not without consequence. The numerous slaughter murals that adorn Pawnee’s City Hall may not be an accurate representation of the kind souls we’ve come to know inhabit that town, but they do convey an undeniable truth of their world and ours. Nothing lasts forever. When discussing the roots of his despair with Leslie, Chris tellingly poses the question, “What if I have already achieved my personal best?” Because they pushed our pals along with the winds of conflict and change, and by testing their “babies” they challenged themselves (as writers), while not sacrificing the consistency and rhythm of its rise-and-fall jokes, the “Operation” was successful… A-

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “Thank you for being here. Let’s get started.” “Wow, Ron. Great attitude!” “Sorry, I was talking to these ribs.”

- “Does Ann have a little Indian in here?” “No I don’t think so…” “Would she like some?”

- “April hates Valentine’s Day, and brunch, and outside, and smiling. Haha, she’s weird.”

- “Let this be a call a wakeup call about how you present yourself to the world.”

- “Can we change the music? It kinda sounds like the end of a movie about a monk who kills himself.”

- “…Not as beautiful as my sister, but you know, the law.”

- “Screw romantic dinners, let’s go rub it in their face!”

- “I got lucky…AND I LOVE RIDDLES!”

Julia (Lizzy Caplan) reluctantly represents the cutesy Jessica Day (Zooey Deschanel)

A show’s longevity can often be a testament to the respect for the fan base. Writers with their ear to the ground earn the privilege of long careers for being flexible, maintaining the ebb and flow between art and viewer. Nowadays, audience feedback has exponentially increased with the advent of blogs and message boards. Opinions don’t go unexpressed by the internet generation. Trends are cooked up in mere minutes and memes become notorious within just a few clicks.

So it should come as no shock that the folks at “New Girl” are privy to the cyber-rage being leveled at their leading lady. To be frank, Zooey Deschanel has done nothing to directly warrant the diss-heavy rhetoric of these incensed commentators, but the persona she embodies ruffles some feathers. She’s the eternal optimist. She’s the girl who bakes cookies and cupcakes “just ’cause.” As she confesses in tonight’s episode, “she’s probably touched glitter in the last 24 hours.” It’s sickening just how cheerful she can be and that provokes intense hatred among cynics and pragmatists the world over.

Tonight, creator Elizabeth Meriwether and writer Luvh Rahke fired back. Meta-commentary, or the act of referencing a show’s flaws/quirks/distinct qualities within the show itself, has become an integral evolution of the sitcom, especially with the new advent of the the single-camera comedy. When you can poke fun at yourself, you earn not only the respect of your detractors, but you embolden your apologists. Lizzy Caplan, introduced last week as Nick’s “we don’t like labels, but we have sex” partner, Julia, served as the mouthpiece for those disgusted by Jess’ sunny disposition. Eager to have another female in the apartment, Jess tries to befriend Julia. She asks the competent lawyer for her counsel in appealing a traffic violation. When they sit down to discuss the parameters of the incident, Julia draws first blood.

Jess recalls the incident, stating that the violation occurred when she stopped in the middle of the road to rescue an injured bird. In disbelief, Julia remarks to Jess that her “whole thing” might just help in court. Here’s a Girl-speak refresher course for you: “whole thing” is code for a defect in another’s girl personality, potentially a front for a more preferable personality type. She also adds that the big eyes resemble a “scared baby.” In laymen’s terms she passive-agressively told Jess, she thinks she’s weird. To combat her guilt, after she read Jess’ pained expression, Julia then confides in her, asking if she can share about Nick’s activity with other girls. When Jess takes the high road, deciding to not violate her trust with Nick, it begins a tale as old as time. The Girly Girl vs. The Smart Girl. Ring the bell.

Now, I too have been critical of Jess, but I never directed that frustration at Ms. Deschanel. Her charm, and magnetic screen presence should make other envious, and her sense of humor is unique and she owns it. My problem is as written she often acts so naive, she should be dead. But as this episode suggests, I believe her behavior is a lifestyle, a decision to embrace the loveliness in the mundane, to elevate the pretty to a level of equal importance with the substantial. This can be an interesting route to go comedically, because you can play with how her world affects her perception, and how she reconciles the inevitable conflicts that call her idealism into question.

Along with these ambitious efforts, there was also some silliness spread amongst out male trio. Nick was essentially entangled in the Jess/Julia standoff, but he had the privilege of backing off and letting it play out. However, he encountered some struggles of his own when Jess in a moment of atypical spite, deliberately told Nick that Julia inquired about his recent sexual activities. When he confronts Julia, they both try to maintain leverage, each one-upping the other’s claims of copious amounts of sex. By episode’s end, both have conceded they wish to be exclusive, dissolving their facades. Nick delivered many of his patented “trying too hard” non sequiturs, but he drew the most fervor from Schmidt when he admitted to using his towel unintentionally. Though he doesn’t understand the outrage. “Oh come on, I don’t wash towels, the towel washes me!” “You guys don’t share underpants either? That’s what roommates do!”

Schmidt, still my vote for new comedy MVP, launched a crusade on dampness. His theory is that with more girls in the apartment, his towel has gotten damper, and his fortress of cleanliness had been disturbed. At first, I was weary of this plot. I love me some Schmidt getting flustered, but I didn’t want this minute conflict to diminish the progress made two weeks ago where Schmidt opened up about what he really wants. Alas, my faith was rewarded, and we get a stellar scene where Schmidt in attempting to traverse the living area, sans towel, slips, exposing himself: his junk and his true feelings. In a fit of consternation, Schmidt voices his unmet expectations about living with Jess. He thought he would be having way more sex! Ha! Oh, New Girl, just when I thought Schmidt was going to level with us again, he rips a page out of Douchebag 101. I think the balance between these neurotic, douchey, and more vulnerable characteristics are superb, and should be all means be encouraged in the weeks to come.

Even Winston, gets a spotlight. I still feel as though we know far too little of who Winston is outside of a man without a country. That country used to be Latvia, where he was a humongous star with several endorsements. But now, not only is he jobless, but he must confront his insecurities. Without the glamour of his pro ball career, he has no game with the ladies. In an attempt to relive his glory days, he calls up Shelby, former booty call. In a bit of comic genius, it’s slowly revealed to us that Winston has broken all the cardinal rules of dating. First, he met up with her at HER OWN RESTAURANT, he made her get her own drink (water), and he talked about himself the whole time. Mad rusty. Shutting out any advice from Schmidt, Jess serves him some humble pie. She demands he listen to her, that he swallow his pride and realize he has no game, and admit that he was an idiot for using her before. The apprentice then shines by insisting Shelby tell him all that he has missed, and he fully claims responsibility for being a jerk in the past. The humility angle works and he scores a second date. His victory dance is so disturbing (and hilarious)that it almost alarmed her to point where she thought he might be having a seizure, but baby steps. That goes for the series too. It’s proceeding cautiously with Winston, unsure of what his identity can be apart from how he relates to his buddies and who he once was, but by humbling him, they have opened the door for post-Latvia Winston.

So who come out victorious in the showdown of frills vs. wit? Surprisingly, the winner wore a ribbon hat. Reluctantly fulfilling her obligation, Julia showed up to represent Jess, but it was during the post-trial recess where Jess began her defense. Once Julia made a smarmy remark about her “bird defense” Jess pulled no punches. Self-assured, she takes pride in her propensity for cuteness, but strikes the final blow, announcing that she hates what her pantsuit represets, Julia’s feelings of superiority. She can be just as smart, and tough and strong. If Meriwether backs up Jess’ swagger in the episodes to come, then I believe we can look forward to a whole new reservoir for material.

The only worry moving forward might be that they won’t find a better anti-Jess than Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Of course she is Nick’s squeeze for now, but when they inevitably break up (Nick’s nowhere near secure enough in himself to have a big boy relationship) we’ll lose the springboard for many great contentions. Even when they resolve their tensions in the end, and Jess invites her to crochet, Julia becomes incensed about her imprecision with the craft. Jess’ response: “If you are making a hat for a baby, you are done!” Where else can you find that kind of chemsitry? Let’s hope the well doesn’t go dry any time soon, because top-form New Girl is a thing of equal parts beauty and whimsy. For showcasing all the roommates, approaching the ambition task of meta-humor with grace and executing with tremendous payoff for Jess the character, and maintaining a level of pound-for-pound, joke-for-joke excellence, the fresh and ever-evolving “New Girl” has nearly established itself as a prizefighter in comedy circles with the back-to-back A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “He doesn’t believe in mail, which has to do with his views on government spending.”

- “I’m gonna smack that lawyer learning right out of her mouth.”

- “I’ll be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room, where nothing gets wet.”

- “Did you just hear the words ‘lesbian community’ and come rushing out of your room?”

- “I’m like a mailman. Except instead of mail, it’s hot sex I deliver.”    Wow, two mail jokes!

- ” If I acted like you at work, my students would turn in weird, really dark dioramas.”

- “I’m about to pay this $500 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch.”

- “As a lesbian gynecologist, perhaps we should sit down and talk about our OSI….oh, our shared interests.”

The Screen Actors Guild award ceremony screened on Sunday, resulting in multiple wins for “The Help” and “Boardwalk Empire”. The full list of winners is listed below.

Theatrical Motion Pictures

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture

• “The Help”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

• Jean DuJardin, “The Artist”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

• Viola Davis, “The Help”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

• Christopher Plummer, “Beginners”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

• Octavia Spencer, “The Help”

Primetime Television

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

• “Boardwalk Empire”

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

• “Modern Family”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

• Steve Buscemi, “Boardwalk Empire”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

• Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

• Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

• Betty White, “Hot in Cleveland”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

• Paul Giamatti, “Too Big to Fail”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

• Kate Winslet, “Mildred Pierce”

SAG Honors for Stunt Ensembles

Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture

• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Television Series

• Game of Thrones

King Leopold (Richard Schiff of "The West Wing") dotes on his daughter, Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin).

Is there anything freer than knowing exactly who you are? You have nothing to prove, because your expectations are much more reasonable and whenever you create, or work, or do what it is you do, you do it with a exactness that no one else could ever conceive of.

Well, “OUAT,” I believe, has found that sweet spot. They have embraced an identity, and it falls short of many great shows on television. I can provide you with 10 better written shows, and I can find you ten shows that I certainly look up to more for their innovation and artistry. Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz worked on one of those before, “LOST.” If you have read my reviews you know how much I adored, and still carry great affection for, that show. Despite it being the one show my dad and I will never watch together, and while my opinions contrasts with those who loathed the final five minutes of the series finale so severely that it ruined the entire journey before it, it is undoubtedly, one for the history books. OUAT, will never be LOST. OUAT wishes they had the privilege of “LOST’s” club of flaws. However, OUAT has a lightness to it now, as if they have dropped the burden of expectations and have decided to care less about being great, and want to a force of its own will. “Once Upon A Time” will make me groan weekly with its insisting witticisms connecting their dual realms, but beyond today I will note them no longer (but seriously, referring to a plan to expose Regina as reaching for the fruit of the poisonous tree, COME ON!) because it’s charming just how little they wish to please me. And now that they have stopped catering to some false sense of importance, it has become more enjoyable, more effortlessly engaging, and more goddamed fun.

Although tonight, my patience was tried within mere minutes of the still lame title sequence (this isn’t a haunted house show, let’s be real). Lana Parilla is a clearly attractive woman in her own right, and I’m sure come Emmy season I will be scraping my jaw off the floor after she has walked onto the red carpet, but any chemistry we had has been killed by her shrewish attitude on the show. I’m sure that is how she has been directed to be, but why couldn’t she be more seductive. Isn’t the purest evil the kind that sneaks up behind you because you trusted it would never harm you? Well, it seems the show may be in the business of granting wishes. I say this not just because “The Genie” from Aladdin lore is the subject of tonight’s fairyback, but because in said fairyback, the Queen effectively seduced me.

But not before she made my balls shrink up inside me with condescensions like, “He’ll have a cracked cranium if you aren’t careful,” or “It’s time to be responsible Ms. Swan.” These gems and more are a part of a barrage of berating remarks by Regina, aimed at Emma, after she finds her and Henry playing at a now dilapidated playground (Henry’s castle) after the storm hit it. Emma, initially, is willing to let her usual overreaching roll off. Then she hits up Granny’s. Here we find Gus (damn, still not Breaking Bad, huh), I mean Sidney Glass, editor of the Storybrooke Mirror throwing back whiskeys for breakfast. Turns out he has a grudge with Regina too. After he was humiliated at the sheriff elections he decided to expose her for the corrupt mayor she is, to no avail. She found him out and fired him. Now, Sidney’s looking to partner up with Emma to take her down through some good old dirt-digging. Emma declines, claiming she wants to take her down without getting her hands dirty, but when she sees Henry’s playground is demolished and his book (THE BOOK) missing from its hiding place, she decides all bets are off.

As mentioned, we meet Genie this week who is Sidney’s alter ego (played by the supremely talented Giancarlo Esposito, who found his career-defining role as Gus in AMC’s “Breaking Bad”). As we know from prior installments (so don’t be shocked) Sidney is the magic mirror to Regina’s Evil Queen. This sets up easily the show’s most effective twist on conventional fairy tales, The Genie becomes the mirror. And despite this nugget not being concealed, I was still enthralled by the how of it all. The genie is summoned from the lamp and appears before King Leopold, father of Snow White. Esposito’s take on Genie is refreshing, he too wishes to be broken from the shackles of his gig, but this Genie isn’t masking his longing with cheer and improvisational humor. This guy is unenthused and apathetic. He recites his spiel about his magic’s limitations sans gusto. Being a kind royal, who wants for nothing (though it’s much easier to be humble when you’re royalty though) Leopold wishes for Genie’s freedom, a gesture that delights our not-so-blue friend. With his second wish he grants that his third wish be given to the Genie to use. Genie is again grateful, but asserts he will never use it. He’s granted 1001 wishes, and all of them have had grave consequences. Without much purpose to pair with his newfound liberty, Leopold offers to make him a member of his court where he’s certain he’ll find the one wish Genie cannot grant for himself, true love.

Making a brief appearance in the real world is Mary Margaret who meets up with David for a surprise picnic at the place where they first met, the ever-romantic toll bridge. Mary Margaret, amidst a flurry of kisses, wonders if they should face the reality that he is married, but David just wants to love her guilt-free so they push worry off to tomorrow. Mary Margaret also delivers possibly the funniest line of the night, when she see Sidney and Emma sifting through public records to discover any seeds of wrongdoing: “Yeah, maybe you’re doing something wrong, but if it’s right and it’s meant to be, does that make you a bad person?” Ha! Oh, Mary Margaret, even when you’re a mistress tortured by guilt and shame, you’re cute as a button. Meanwhile, Sidney seems convinced that this $50,000 of unappropriated funds will be the Mayor’s undoing, the “crack in the mirror” (ughhhhh…but I’m letting go…). When Emma questions why Sidney ever got in her pocket in the first place he more organically alludes to the parallel story, “I used to think she was a different person.”

Here we start to feel for Evil Queen (EQ). At some festivity, we see the King waxing philosophic about his daughter’s unmatched beauty, but then he strikes at EQ’s self-esteem saying Snow is a constant reminder of his “fairest of them all” first wife, and her mother. EQ has no place in his court, or in his heart. She is trapped in an essentially loveless marriage, or at least one where she will always play second fiddle. Genie runs after her into her courtyard where the soon-to-be poisonous apple tree grows. He lifts her spirits by gifting her a mirror, so that she may see what he sees, the true “fairest of them all.”

In Storybrooke, Emma confronts Regina directly about the missing funds. Regina is quick with an alibi, saying the record of the transaction was burned in the fire that got her elected. While leaning against her desk, Emma plants a bug so she can intercept some clue of where she allocated the money. When she overhears a phone call about a roadside meeting, she and Sidney spring into action. While heading to the location, the brakes fail on Emma’s car and Sidney immediately notices they were tampered with and that Regina must have discovered the bug. Coincidentally, Mr. Gold is out by the roadside. He informs them that the mayor met with him to buy his land. He also warns about emotional entanglements, and how they can distort the truth and people will get hurt. Unconvinced, Emma heads for Regina’s office and breaks in. She gathers any files related to the land grab off her computer, but not before running into Regina herself. Emma, quick-witted, conjures up a tale about a teenage prank that Sidney had witnessed. Across town, we also get a short glimpse of Mysterious Writer/ Biker Dude who bumps into Henry who is trying to record the details of THE BOOK, in case it isn’t found. When “Oh Precocious One” grills the man with the box about why he is here, he mocks the child, “Stuff.”

The Evil Queen’s father makes a surprise visit, dropping in on Genie when he expected a rendezvous with the Queen. The King has pilfered his wife’s diary and has knowledge about a man who has stolen her heart. He recognizes that he can never love EQ like she deserves, but he’s still aghast at her betrayal. He charges Genie, whom he trusts, to sniff out this mystery man. In response, EQ’s father has come to deliver his daughter a package, a way out of this prison of a life, an escape from her own form of servitude. When she opens the box we find two Agrabah vipers. For those with a working knowledge of Disney, Agrabah is the homeland of the Genie. EQ’s plan is to kill herself with one venomous bite, but Genie stops her. Clearly enamored with her, he offers to kill the king himself by setting the vipers loose on him. In this scene in particular we see another side of Regina/EQ, one who is stricken with sadness, but oozes sensuality as she brushes against Genie’s cheek and embraces him for his selflessness: a deep contrast to the shrill, unabashedly evil Regina that has inhabited every other episode. The added dimension is well executed and goes a long way to establishing a character we can invest in instead of just emphatically opposing.

Then the entanglements Mr. Gold forewarned of begin to unravel. At a city council meeting, Emma and Syndey speak up, exposing Regina’s plans to build a second home in the woods with taxpayer money. Unphased, Regina retorts she is indeed building a house. A PLAYHOUSE. OH SNAP! She circumvented the city governance so she could get the project underway quicker, so that the town’s children would have a safe place to play. Disgraced and defeated, Emma loses not just her plot for revenge, but Henry as well. Regina blackmails Emma with evidence that she did truly break-in to her office and bans her from seeing Henry for an undetermined period of time. The one ray of hope she clings to is that Sidney is her ally now, and no longer Regina’s spy. Earlier, he had pulled out a shoebox of photos he had taken of Emma while under Regina’s employ, tracking Emma’s every move so she could prevent her from getting close to Henry.

With a powerful ally, Emma has the strength she needs to stand up to Regina when the time is right. Except, the last scene of the episode suggest differently. Sidney is seated before a mirror in Regina’s office and he reports that “she bought it,” he has earned Emma’s trust and holds a tape recordings of all their meetings. Regina is as unstoppable as ever, now she can track the sheriff’s every move and will always be one step ahead. What seemed like a foregone conclusion, Emma’s penetration of Regina’s facade, now seems improbable. With a well-established network of watchful eyes, Regina seems to have an unrelinquishing grasp on her power, and Emma. Although, mysterious writer/biker dude may be the thorn in her side. We get a quick glimpse of the all-important box, the one that last week held a typewriter. Now it holds… THE BOOK! WHAAAAATTTTT? Stay tuned, as they say.

The twist with the most payoff though, was in the fairyback. Genie sicks the vipers on his dear friend and they both dig their fangs into his neck causing an almost instant death. In his last moments though, Genie expresses his regret. He acknowledges that he’s forever indebted for the freedom the king granted him, but that he had to do the same for his queen, and break her chains as well. And as the king’s life is sucked out, he reminds Genie of another way he could have freed her. His last wish from the map. Damn. Either Genie was too gosh darn stubborn or too caught up to use it, but that would have been a more civil route to go. When he rushes to his love’s side to tell her the good news, she appears in more despair than before. The guards know the vipers are of Genie’s homeland, and that he will be executed. She offers him safe passage, but Genie is connecting the dots. Of all the snakes she could have picked, she picked those from Agrabah. She set him up. She never loved him at all, and used him to kill the king. EQ acknowledges this, and erases any possibility he could ever be in her life. But Genie has his one last trick up his lamp. He uses his last wish to grant that he will be by her side always, and that every day he will look upon her. And the magic of FTL does grant him this. He is to be stuck inside her mirror for the rest of his life. The show has introduced a litany of grim ways that magic has haunted these characters that have relied on it for solutions to their ills, but never has it been more tragic than when this man, recently freed, is once again enslaved. But this time, it was of his own will. He could not live without her, now he certainly cannot.

“7:15 A.M” delivered for me last week, but with this episode coming in consecutive weeks, I’m sure that it was no fluke. Appealing to pathos once again, the show struck a chord by sticking with the cliched but proven conceit that love can be the grandest magic in the world, but it can also inflict the greatest of pains. The fate of unrequited love has never been pretty, and I’m glad OUAT was bold enough to confront it. For the second week in a row I have reason to celebrate the achievements of a series that has labored through much of its first few months for my approval, and frankly the approval of many critics. But I’m confident that this week many others will be singing it’s praises. Surely, Regina cannot become a totally different character and will continue to thwart any of my attempts to like her or root for her success, but I can’t imagine this show is striving for that sort of moral ambiguity. At any rate, for this week I was again delighted to delve into both worlds (more so with the FTL because of the world-building and tragedy), and I’m excited for where the series can go from here in defying expectation now that they are ironically freed from its constraints. For allowing the captivating Giancarlo Esposito the space to play, for expanding our conception of the Queen’s capabilities, and for feeling like the gust of fresh air the show set out to be at its inception, OUAT repeats its success with a second straight triumph over my preconceived notions. I mean, the dialogue is still wooden; and much of my interest in the real world activity is riding on potential plot threads, my parallel investment in the FTL, and my admiration for a few performances. No buts about it though, the “fruits” of their labor have earned them a B+.

Enjoy a day at the track as David Milch's latest HBO drama, "Luck," takes you deep into the thrilling world of horse racing.

When do you know something is art? How do you distinguish smart storytelling from the lazier narratives. And why does the disconnect between mainstream audience engagement and critical appreciation exist, and how can it be bridged? These questions arose immediately, for me, as the end credits ran after the series premiere of HBO’s new drama series, “Luck.” Created by David Milch, creator of former HBO success, Deadwood, and co-produced by Michael Mann, acclaimed director of films such as “Heat,” “Collateral,” and “Miami Vice,” (and frequent director on the ’80s TV show of the same name) the show centers around horse racing and the various characters that the sport breeds and attracts. Entering this world, I was weary of the culture shock, the little-to-no proficiency of the vernacular, and the little investment I had in the problems of old, white gamblers. Predictably, as I’d been foretold, none of this mattered. Most of what I could nit-pick about has more to do with my obligations as an attentive viewer than it does with any of the technical aspects of this masterful artwork.

Over at the The AV Club, expert TV critic Todd VanDerWerff spoke in his review about experience vs. understanding. Traditionally, when we watch anything, movie or TV program, we try to comprehend the symbols we are given. Whether we’re interpreting a particularly arresting shot selection, a gripping snippet of dialogue, or a peculiar expression on an actor’s face, we’re attempting to make sense of what we’re being presented. Now this act of analysis is not mutually exclusive with experience, but often it can impede our ability to fully immerse ourselves in the sensory pleasure of viewing. But if you so choose to indulge my requests, and the whims of HBO, and you do watch the magnificent first episode of “Luck,” do yourself a favor and shut down your noodle from the opening theme (the unmistakably cool “Splitting the Atom” by Massive Attack) to the last frame. It’s almost like mindless sophistication. No notes were required for me to churn out this review because while there was plenty of plot to sift through, and a lot of legwork is done to introduce us to the characters that inhabit this environment and the channels through which they are connected, the grandest accomplishment of the hour are within two minutes bursts where few words are spoken, because articulation diminishes the visceral thrill of the moment. I’m talking about when those exquisitely statured beasts compete with every ounce of muscle they possess to cross that line first. I’m talking about the horse races.

Simply stated, horse racing, much like boxing is an ancient artifact, a relic of a different time where one could afford to be bothered with such trivial activities as watching animals run around a circular track. But there’s no denying that whenever the Kentucky Derby is on, or even the Belmont and Preakness Stakes, I actively tune in for those two minutes. For that fleeting instance I’m entirely absorbed in whose nose will come out in front, and its unfair to the integral majesty of the horses to explain why. When you see a beautiful woman or man, do you stop and ask why they struck you? When a sunset stops you in your tracks as walk toward the horizon do you disengage to question it? No, you absorb the feelings it evokes until it overwhelms you. These brief glimpses don’t mean anything, and yet they say it all. They are the purest images we see because they aren’t tied to a consumptive or indulgent exercise, they are just part of living. In the world of art we call it transcendence: when an image, a phrase, a brushstroke, or a note impacts you not because it told you something, or what it meant, but because it did nothing, and it just was. 

And yet working in concert with such sensual exhilaration, there is a story being told. Dustin Hoffman is the big ticket, starring as Chester “Ace” Bernstein, a man in his 60s who is being released from prison after serving three years. His crimes are never explicitly defined, but one assumes gambling or financial irregularities of some variety did him in. Dennis Farina plays his pal Gus “The Greek” whom Ace admits is the only man who “gets a pass” in terms of his trust. Ace is returning to the world of horse racing through Gus, who is serving as a front for Ace’s new horse. Also introduced is a trainer, Escalante (played by John Ortiz), who muddles the plot even further with his thick spanish accent (another character refers to facetiously as a thick Irish brogue). We also spend a considerable portion of the episode with four degenerates, Jerry, Marcus, Renzo, and Lonnie. This mangy crew spends the episode trying to capitalize on the track’s jackpot of $2.7 million, which is earned when at least six of the eight races are picked and no one else picks all the same horses. They used their various insider tricks along with suspect cash flows with which they placed their bets. I won’t lie to you, if you have no working knowledge of gambling or specifically how to play the ponies you will be confused, but the beauty of it is you’ll never feel disengaged. The stakes are clear. Win, you get paid. The emotions are so clearly displayed upon the actors’ faces you’ ll be tensing up along with them as the horses near the straightaway.

Lastly, we meet Nick Nolte‘s grizzly, worn-down Walter Smith who shares an intimate relationship with his horse. He lays back in his lawn chair and reminisces with the colt about its father and how magnificent a runner he was back then. This nostalgic feel permeates throughout the pilot as we gather that Ace is mindful of who he once was too, and his unchecked temperament suggests that he is bottling up some resentment towards those who might have done him in. He exits vehicles with a bravado emulated only by gangsters and hot shots. Perhaps his time is gone, but he sure strides like he still owns everything he surveys, or at the very least, he could.

Fragility and frailty are also intrinsic in the happenings of the pilot. We see up-and-coming jockeys trying to make names for themselves knowing that they and the horse must sync up perfectly or else they fall short of the magic necessary. Defeat is just as expertly rendered as victory, particularly when one horse snaps his leg mid-race and is subsequently put down. When the young jockey speaks of the light leaving the eyes of the horse as it passed you feel as though it wasn’t your a regular at the track because the ups and downs are so genuine that it just can’t be your first go-round, it hits you so deep.

The pilot isn’t perfect. As mentioned there are many instances where a conversation zips by and you’re likely to only extract a sentence or two. It’s enough of a working knowledge so that you can stay aware, but you can’t help but feel like you missed something. Michael Mann, however, doesn’t miss much at all as he captures every last detail of life at the track. Whether it’s the steam rising from a horse’s hindquarters, or the way the gate is assembled and operated in preparation for the horses to be stabled inside. Nolte and Hoffman cement themselves as quiet giants that could unleash wrath at any moment they are so indelibly tied to this life, and Kevin Dunn as Marcus exudes an intellectual confidence you’d expect at a Fortune 500 board meeting, not at Santa Anita placing bets. As far as HBO pilots go, this one is fairly typical in that the initial installment doesn’t set the table with exposition, more screen time is spent setting the mood while constructing a unique world, aiming to also evoke the overarching themes and visual stamp.

I haven’t quite comprehended what “Luck” is trying to say to me. Honestly, I heard very little. There were quips that made me laugh aloud, fearing I’d wake my roommate, and there were open-ended statements that laid before me like an undisturbed corpse, but then I walked right along awaiting the next infusion of adrenaline to burst out onto the track. So, do I know what “Luck” is will add to the pantheon of visual novels that HBO has contributed throughout the past decade (The Sopranos, The Wire, the aforementioned Deadwood? I have not a clue. But I get it, I dig it, and I want me some more. There aren’t many things in life that I can just do and I’ll feel at peace. Watching “Luck” is going to be one of them though, that much I can tell you. If this show can continue to provide the indescribable rush of a horse race in hour-long strides, then it will hit the jackpot. But for now, it’s an A-, by a nose.

Leslie (Amy Poehler) looks to court a reluctant voter with bowling skills and "laid-back" demeanor.

When “Parks and Recreation” started out, it was “The Office” 2.0. Whether comparisons were fair or not (they did share producers/writers Greg Daniels and Michael Schur) it was a comedy founded upon the idea of hilarious interaction in the workplace. And once we came to know these characters and the dynamic they shared, the show was heralded by critics. It’s only natural then, that the TV critic community might would become weary of the potential for shaking up a successful formula. Leslie Knope is running for office, and as her adoring fans we would like to witness her triumph. But what would happen to the gang if she was a city councilwoman? For now, they are diligent phone operators and fundraisers, but how long can that last? Will it feel like the gang is playing second fiddle to the LesBen power couple?

This episode scoffs at that notion. Much of this episode’s charm was in the the B- and C-stories that showcased two of the most facially gifted, delivery-nailing comedic actors out there, Nick Offerman and Aubrey Plaza. Offerman’s Ron Swanson is not only my favorite character in current comedy, but he is a cult figure for his love of meat and breakfast food, his staunch libertarianism, and his intolerance for girlish men. Plaza’s April Ludgate has epitomized the ironic youth of today. She is the sarcastic observer who wants chaos to unfold so that she may mock its meaninglessness. Both not only execute their fan-favorite quirks with deadly accuracy this week, but they reach beyond themselves in moments of growth (eh, maybe baby steps) that provided payoff and pathos.

LesBen and the “Knope We Can” campaign kick off a series of focus groups in order to gauge Leslie’s appeal. Many seem to feel off-put by her perceived elitism. The snob in me would wish to defend Knope by pointing out that just because these folks have a fourth grade education does not make Leslie an elitist, but I will refrain from generalizations as I am above that. Damn, still pretentious. Well, at any rate, one comment particularly gets under Leslie’s skin: “She doesn’t seem like someone I would want to bowl with.” With a target in her sights, Leslie locks on Derek, or “Bowling Comment,” as her binder full of research describes. Ben, as boyfriend, teases her relentlessly about her obsessiveness. After multiple insistences that he can ask Ron how good she is at bowling he asks, “So I’m not sure I believe you’re good at bowling is there someone I could ask?” As campaign manger, he tries to reel her in. Strategically, the one vote doesn’t matter, and if she fixates on him she could lose votes instead. So, Leslie’s compromise is to sponsor a bowling night where she can schmooze with the voters and prove she is laid back (and a good bowler as Ron can attest too, apparently).

As Leslie tries to establish her public persona most of the gang is making calls to raise money. Jerry, for Twilight Zone-like reasons, has been put in charge  and April, Andy, Donna and Chris are under his leadership. To liven up the “phone party,” Jerry incentivizes the task by offering the winner two movie passes for who ever raises the most. Chris’ eternal perk and knack for flattery seem like assurances he will win, but once he begins to celebrate his lead in the standings, April resolves she must win to “make his happiness go away.” Her efforts include creating a down-home country-fried southern belle voice, and she appeals to the Latino voters with her fluent Spanish (she is Puerto-Rican) through shouts of “Mira, mira, mira!” The competition is interrupted, however ,when Jerry lets it slip that his daughter Millie will break up with Chris. The unflinching optimist is unaware, believing they are about to move in together. When Millie comes over to take Chris “for a walk” the gang who has grown to care for him, even though just a year ago he was an outsider and threat to the Parks department, tries to warn him of the impending heartbreak, but unassuming he laughs off their subtle forebodings.

Ann, Tom and Ron join LesBen at the bowling night, much to Ron’s delight. The restaurant inside the alley is his favorite in Pawnee. It serves only hot dogs and hamburgers, but Offerman’s glee shrouded in mustache suggests that is all Ron truly needs. In contrast, Tom (Aziz Ansari) arrives with pomp and circumstance. For all my cinephiles, he dons a black version of the satin scorpion jacket sported by Ryan Gosling in “Drive.” Ron continues to relish in his simple values, regardless (referring to Ann, as “Girl” was particularly authentic). Tom shakes that foundation to the core though when he bowls two-handed, “granny style,” and scores a strike. Ron is outraged that such an embarrassing display could result in success.

Despite Leslie’s spinning her inability to “let go” into a popular event, she hadn’t buried the hatchet. She sent Derek an invitation in the mail and when she spots him, she immediately swoops in to challenge him to a friendly game and a hot plate of wings (she creepily smiles at the camera saying she totally knew he’d loved them, pointing at her binder). She lets the man win, and even strokes his ego along the way, which in itself seems very anti-Leslie, but this guy really got under her skin. She outlines her issue with Ben saying that she can’t control being a woman, or being short, or blonde, but she can control her perception. She NEEDS Derek to perceive her as fun. Once Derek wins with only a mediocre score, Leslie springs on him the question about his vote. He still won’t vote for her. Leslie, then tries to earn his vote saying that if she can beat him fair and square he will guarantee his vote. Ben, during this whole fiasco, is extremely frustrated, wishing Leslie would take the opportunity to face-to-face with more people, but what makes him perfect for Leslie is he says his piece and then falls back, letting his love make her own mistakes.

Once she absolutely slays Derek in bowling she tries to be civil and say, “Hey, seriously it’s been fun, and I hope I can genuinely count on your vote.” Then, Derek replies, “Sure, I’ll write-in Bitch.” Outraged, Ben goes COMPLETELY out of character and punches the man in the face. He instantly apologizes, but Leslie is impressed! And who can blame her? Despite her feminism and opposition to violence, she found out her love can protect her and that’s not something she should regret, it’s something she should cherish. But in the public eye, it’s something she should apologize for. To avoid Derek pressing charges, she intends to save face (pun intended).

Here begins the laundry lists of reversals the episode elicits. Although, “Bowling for Votes” is brimming with jokes that hit upon specific beats as opposed to hitting on a level of general wit and charm, our quirky and even lovable friends in Pawnee don’t remain static. They learn from their mistakes, they feed off the emotions of their friends, and they realize that who they need to gratify first is themselves.

For Ron, “Bowling with two hands is embarrassing” Swanson, Tom’s inevitable victory is not an option, it is an aberration that should be ignored, but for posterity’s sake he must prevent it. He sabotages Tom by jamming his “fing-y” between two bowling balls. He suspects he won’t be able to bowl the last frame. When Tom perseveres and hits enough pins with just one hand, Ron is visibly distraught. In the very last scene, he takes his baby steps by showing up in sunglasses, marking his name as “Man” and bowling  Tom’s way. In hilarious, yet predictable manner, he bowls a perfect game. The manager asks for a photo to put up on the wall, but Ron assures that he was never there and walks off. Of course, he shouldn’t have been embarrassed for the tremendous achievement, but to acknowledge that another’s way might be better is like asking Ron to change his entire fabric of being. It’s progress Ron can’t possibly sustain, but memorable for his effort.

April, likely surprised the most when, in a moment of weakness, she offered condolences and a gift to Chris. In the aftermath of the breakup, Chris never came back to make calls and April won the movie tickets. Feeling as though he might need support, and perhaps feeling guilty that she wished for his happiness to go away, she approaches him reticently. Once at the office, he represses his pain. He tries to dip into his well of positive thinking, but comes out empty and dry. “But here’s why it may be the greatest thing that ever happened…” When he just stands there, she offers him the tickets out of pure kindness, suggesting maybe he use them to join her and Andy at the movies someday soon. Nobody with any sense of April would believe she didn’t care about at least some of these people, but to see her take a shine to her emotionally polar opposite (the man who loves all vs. The woman who is always “meh”) was quite a departure. Both Ron and April have these facades, these masks they wear for their own amusement and protection, but here the masks are removed and the likable, decent folk emerge.

Leslie’s reversal occurs to her in mid-apology. She shouldn’t apologize for something she’s  deemed awesome. She may admit too much in revealing how much they “made out after,” but the message is understood. She loves Ben, and when Ben stood up for Leslie by clocking a jerk who called her “her second least favorite word for a woman” she felt protected and honored. Turns out, the focus groups love that kind of gusto to stand up for what you believe in while risking that others may not stand behind you. This may seem like an all-to-easily-swayed voting population, but stranger and more arbitrary aspects have won a candidate elections before. Most importantly, Leslie gained a better understanding of the sort of candidate she wants to be, separate from what is “electable.”

Leslie’s arc can largely be viewed as a metaphor for the show. No one can ever accuse the ensemble of “Parks and Recreation” of being inauthentic. Some weeks Andy may seem too much of an idiot, Tom may be too showy, and Leslie can be too manic about a project (Ron could never be too much of anything, it’s all gold). And while moderation, range and/or subtlety are great practices in human behavior and in television, what make the Parks gang a fun group to be with is that they never disappoint. They are flawed, but they never fall shy of expectations in the terms of being themselves. If the campaign trail doesn’t change Leslie, than why should we worry the show’s essence will change. With no “wow” factor in terms of a slapstick tipping point, and without much of the electricity of of other recent episodes with joke frequency this might come off as an off-night. But for allowing Leslie to rediscover the personality and spunk that made that made her such an unstoppable public servant and a compelling candidate while shining the spotlight on Ron and April, two of the show’s more distinct contributions to the comedic canon, I can unapologetically  call this episode “awesome,” an A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “Oh I don’t know Jerry. It’s Sunday night, I’m making phone calls to strangers and you’re in my house. My night couldn’t be worse.” —April

- “I choose to support Team Knope. Because they’re the best. Everyone’s the best. We’re all winners.” —Chris

- “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.” —Ron Swanson

- “Son, people can see you!” —Ron Swanson

- “You can’t eat the biscuits if you don’t pay for the flower!”

- Andy, in response to hearing Jerry say Millie is going to break up with Chris: “Wow, that’s gonna be super weird when they move in together.”

- “I’d like to introduce you to my good friend, anyone else.” —Ben

- “What Champion? You need to go out now? Oh, sorry he hates awkward situations.” —Andy

wireimage.com

While you may want to buy a vowel, Pat Sajak wants to buy a drink.  The long-time Wheel of Fortune host revealed to Dan Le Batard that he used to host the show while intoxicated, according to People.com.

Batard, of Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable, asked the Sajak if he had ever hosted the show drunk and the host answered, “Yes. When I first started and was much younger and could tolerate those things. We had a different show then.”

Originally, the show had a two-and-a-half hour dinner break during which Sajak, 65, and his co-host, Vanna White, would stop into Los Arcos, a Mexican restaurant in Burbank, for margaritas.

“Vanna and I would … have two or three or six and then come and do the last shows and have trouble recognizing the alphabet,” he says, reports People.com. “I had a great time. I have no idea if the shows were any good, but no one said anything, so I guess I did okay.”

Sajak says he no longer drinks before or during the show, but maybe it would be more fun if he did!

Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) looking so darling it hurts, as a dove delivers her a message from her true love.

Readers, as I have mentioned in previous posts, I feel like we have a good thing going. I can share with you all the kinds of things one doesn’t divulge at dinner parties. I can open up to you with no fear of reprisal. Therefore, it is without hesitation that I confess to you…I’m a sucker for love stories. Yes, it’s true. I come off like a cynic, someone without a soft spot, someone who shuns things like cuddling and soul mates (because only those who believe in fate find pleasure in holding loved ones in their arms…icky). When you break down my grisly exterior, however, you will find a man who always cries at the end of The Notebook. A man who just last night screamed at his television while watching “Lost in Translation,” “What did Bill Murray whisper to Scarlett Johansson goddamit!” I am also the type of man who would dig tonight’s episode. One filled with the pain of unrequited affections, as well as the kind of forbidden romance you only find in fairy—son of a gun.

Needless to say, if they were looking for some good pub they came to the right…well, let’s pretend I have clout…critic. I was additionally surprised I enjoyed this episode so much because after last week’s turd in a punchbowl I was dreading this week. Perhaps if I watched previews I would have known we’d return to the only thing I’m invested in, Mary & David/Snow & Charming. Exacerbating my bias was the fact that Championship Sunday was as thrilling as its been in years. Both games decided by a field goal, one missed and one made. The second game was even in overtime. I found religion today and my Lord is the NFL. So how could this shaky family drama possibly hold my attention? First, by featuring the show’s best (never mind cutest) actors and by providing us with reasons to care about a relationship we already know is destined.

We resume with whom last week left us, scratching our heads, The Stranger. Or as I call him, Mysterious Biker Dude. Dude is fixing his chopper outside Regina and Henry’s residence when Oh Precocious One inquires as to what he is doing here? Dude smugly answers, “Fixing my bike,” and divulges no more information. Regina seems legitimately concerned that she doesn’t know who this guy is. Maybe he’s not connected with FTL (Fairy Tale Land) in any way? Also, there’s the whole stranger talking to my kid angle, so she may be onto something. From there, we enter the abode of the strong, sure-assured females (in all seriousness I suppose we should commend OUAT for portraying women with such agency in a show centered around stories that reenforce the most basic gender expectations) that save the show from vacuous oblivion, Mary Margaret and Emma. Mary Margaret wakes up in a tizzy because she is late. She claims she promised some of her students she’d help them with their science fair project (isn’t that cheating!) before school at 7:15. Emma scoffs that they can wait, and with one of the better lines, Mary replies, “Uh, we’re building a volcano.” Ha, because that’s a big deal, but not really. Get it? Okay, so I find Ginnifer Goodwin to be adorable. Sue me!

Turns out she isn’t meeting up with her students. Shocker, right? She sits down with a book at the coffee shop and pretends to read. Lo and behold, David walks through the door.She’s stalking him! How adorable! He says good morning, she asks how his job at the animal shelter is, he says the apes haven’t taken over yet. HA! Oh what a charming fellow. Well I’ll be they did it again! In FTL, he IS Charming. Oh dear. Anyway, she plays it off like it’s no thang and Emma walks in wondering where that volcano is. Mary fesses up that she comes at 7:15 A.M so that she can run into him. Aw…honey, he’s gonna file a restraining order! No, but Emma is much more supportive. She commiserates that love is indeed, the worst, and Mary sends us into the other realm with a you-can’t-miss-it cue: “I wish there was a magic cure.” Bet you can guess what the fairyback is about!

Thankfully, it isn’t quite that simplistic. We meet up with Snow as she is delivered her food run by Little Red Riding Hood. She also sneaks her intel about the upcoming royal wedding, in which “the love of her life whom she met but once” is the bridegroom. Snow agonizes like Mary about trying to forget that sexy-ass man. Red alludes that there might be a way, but chickens out. Snow then reminds her that she helped her when no one else would. This intrigued me because obviously the way to avoid becoming stale is to reinvent the familiar tales within an original mythology. The idea that there is an interconnectedness seems to be coming into focus so I don’t mind the vague references, for now. Not so surprisingly, good ole Rumpelstiltskin is the man with the drugs she needs to forget that one night stand with the rugged woodsman. When she finds Rumpy in a not at all shady dock covered in fog he provides her with a potion that will not only mend her broken heart, but she will forget who he is entirely. All he asks for is a strand of her hair. Either Rumpy has become a pedophile or maybe we should keep that in the back of our minds. Before she scurries off though, the impish dealmaker leaves her with parting words of wisdom, “Love is the most powerful magic there is. Love has killed more than any disease.”

Next, we pop in on the man of the hour, Prince James, who is peering out on his balcony broodingly. King George (Alan Dale, who played the wealthy and powerful Charles Widmore on “Lost”) presents him with a peace offering, a crown crafted by King Midas, his soon to be father-in-law. As fans of the show may remember, four episodes ago Prince James agreed to marry Kind Midas’ daughter Abigail as a show of good faith that they would enter an allegiance that benefits the prosperity of both kingdoms. James is sprung on Snow though, and resents his adoptive father for forcing him into forsaking her. He mocks the Midas crown rebuking that, “You could feed the kingdom for an entire winter with that crown.” Ugh, so he’s one of those annoying 99 percenters, huh? In all seriousness, I was mildly enthralled by the politics of it all, and how the King talked about the responsibility that comes with all that wealth. On another show, it might have carried more weight, but here it establishes the futility of Snow and Charming ever resuming their tryst. Ever persistent, James sends a dove with a letter for Snow. Like carrier pigeons, but more regal. The note reaches Snow just before she is about to down her potion. What she reads gives her renewed faith that they can be together, despite the odds. He asks her to come to his room that night so he knows she feels as strongly as he does.

While Mary is shopping for Apollo chocolate bars (a nod to the made-up brand featured in “Lost”) she bumps into Kathryn, David’s wife. As they sort through their stuff she stumbles upon a pregnancy test. She leaves and goes to clear her by walking though the woods (aw, the parallels) and hears a dove trapped in some wiring. It’s the same goddamn dove isn’t it. Yup, and even cheesier, when she brings the injured bird to the animal shelter (wait David works th—I know!) the doctor tells her that physically the bird will heal, but this particular dove is of a breed that develops highly monogamous relationships. If not reunited with her flock, she will be forever alone. Oh my god! The bird is just like MARY! Yeah, that hammer in your head isn’t a headache, it’s OUAT writers cramming in a metaphor.

Mary runs off, feeling akin to the bird’s struggle (I don’t know why their paths don’t intersect, like, at all) wanting to give the dove a chance at finding its loved ones. Mary slips and falls, barely hanging on to a cliff’s edge when DAVID ARRIVES! Convenient, yes. But he apparently followed her out of concern from the shelter. The cliff being a metaphor for her hanging onto feelings for David though? Kind of a stretch, don’t you think? Then like clockwork the rain comes down and they take shelter in an abandoned cabin. At this point, I grew worried this might be the beginning of a tremendously high-budget porno. Instead, Mary admits why she’s been so distant. It’s too painful to see him when they can’t be together. And yet she tortures herself by going to the coffee shop ay 7:15 every morning to see him. He laughs. “I go to the coffee shop at 7:15 every morning to see you.” My eyes rolled and I recited the line as he said it. Clearly telegraphed. And yet, it worked.

I can’t explain it, I just care about these darn kids, and I want them to be happy. The chemistry between the actors is palpable, Ginnifer is ridiculously cute as mentioned, and honestly they didn’t have to try so hard. As the kiss we all needed to relive our sexual tension was upon us, Mary thwarted it. She can’t break up Kathryn and David especially when they might be having a baby. David was unaware, but it changes things. They have to forget each other. Despite the new stakes, he resists. He explains the duality inside him in obvious terms that allude to the curse, but it nails the sentiment for me as it evokes the central question of the series thus far, “Who’s to say which one is real?” I won’t detail this theory again, but I still hope the show is moving toward this question about whether happily ever afters are not all they are cracked up to be, and that maybe it is only in the “real world” that we can find something genuinely worthwhile.

As Snow attempts to sneak into King George’s castle, Snow is locked up. Her cellmate? GRUMPY (Lee Arenberg, as seen in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies)! Grumpy tells Snow a hell of a tale about how he ended up there, blinded by love, and due to their instantaneous camaraderie, he breaks her out when his pal, Stealthy (the awesomest eight dwarf) springs him. As luck would have it, the eight dwarf doesn’t last long (gee, wonder what the point was cutting them to seven) and is killed by an arrow. Snow leverages Grumpy’s freedom for her own capture and King George presents her with an impossible choice. Either she tells the Prince that she does not love him, or Charming gets the ax. He reasons that if an assassin kills the Prince he will be viewed as a martyr and Midas will keep the alliance in his sacrifice. Because she doesn’t want to harm the one she loves, Snow lets him down easy. Not at all actually. “Fill your heart with love for someone else, someone who can love you the way I never have. The way I never will.” BOOM. He cries, she cries when she walks away, but she gains friends in the now seven dwarves. Grumpy also offers up some pretty sound advice for the grieving beauty, “I don’t want want my pain erased. It’s what makes me who I am. It makes me…Grumpy.” Yeah, it’s hokey. And when it’s supposed to be heartfelt you are focused on the pun, but it is an apt lesson about heartbreak.

While all the heartbreaking and mending is happening we do learn a bit about The Stranger too. Played by Eion Bailey,  he’s a charismatic fellow, but he’s also a sarcastic bastard. Perfect for Emma, who has a witty repartee with him. He agrees to tell her what is in his case if she shows him hers. Nah, but he does want to buy her a drink sometime. So she agrees and he reveals a typewriter. He’s a pretentious douchebag writer who stills uses a typewriter. He finds inspiration in the whimsy of Storybrooke, I guess. But when Emma asks if he has been there before, he evades the question.

The episode that jerked my heart around then ends with two last rips at my sensitivity and further emasculates me by making me care. Kathryn and David attempt to reconcile in a touching scene where both put their cards on the table and agree to do marriage counseling with Dr. Hopper/Jiminy Cricket. He also makes the conscious choice to avoid the coffee shop at 7:15. Mary, reluctantly does the same, Emma holding her hand through it. When they both decided enough time has passed it is 7:45, and they both run into each other anyway. Again, OBVIOUS metaphor for fate, but it was exactly the sort of chance resolution we all wanted deep down. They realize it is useless, they can’t avoid each other. What follows is both exactly what I might have dreamed of and not what I wanted at all. David blurts out, “Kathryn isn’t pregnant,” and with that particular barrier gone they kiss like it’s Smooch City, spinning around like nobody is watching, except someone totally is! Regina! How could they be so careless! Clearly, both of them aren’t concerned about Kathryn at all. It sort of invalidated the whole struggle before that with such an easy payoff, that didn’t involve any real shifts in circumstance from where we started. Except Regina’s got blackmail to spare. What a witch.

But then they did this. Prince Charming atop his trusty steed speeds through the forest and happens upon Snow’s cottage. Red Riding Hood is there instead and he professes that it matters not what Snow said, he won’t give up. If it wasn’t meant to be, he would seem mad clingy. The wedding is off! Cut to the dwarves hovel, where Grumpy rushes in to Snow’s bedroom to give her the great news that the and that her love awaits. Snow appears groggy. She turns to him. “Who?” She tried to find solace at the bottom of the vial. Completely ignoring Grumpy’s whole spiel about using the pain to make you stronger, she gave in and downed the whole love vaccine. NOW WHAT?

This was my favorite episode so far. No doubt. Here’s why. In ten episodes, I’ve come to terms with a few things. One, for whatever reason, the effects on this show make “Lost”  look like a feature film. This week, when they were walking through the caverns under the castle, and when the Prince rode his horse through the woods, the edges around the actors was ablaze with digital blur. Second, the dialogue is corny as hell. And not subtle. The juxtapostion of the worlds will be pointed out brutally, as if I forgot what show I was watching. And subtext will likely be zero to none. Actually, I hope it will be from hereon. The metaphors they tried in this episode were laughably inelegant. The bird, the storm, the cliff. I practically wrote those in fourth grade. But regardless of all these shortcomings I enjoyed the time spent. There were sudden reversals of fortune, there was an ending in the FTL that felt a tad Shakespearean in how it seemed tragically unavoidable, and above all it made me care about Mary/David & Snow/Charming to an embarrassing degree that I wouldn’t acknowledge outside this column. If OUAT can keep me invested in what becomes of these people, as their journey towards salvation or simple happiness becomes murky on the horizon, I will stay the course. This show will probably never be great, or win a prestigious award, but if it accomplishes this level of legitimate   feeling regularly it will be fun, and a hit, among a wide range of audiences. If this were a show with higher expectations this would be marked down more severely for its inattention to detail, but for its most appealing episode to date and for making me break down as if Taylor Swift were my gospel, I begrudgingly admit this was a B+.

Andy (Chris Pratt) takes an eye exam as his wife, April (Aubrey Plaza), looks on dumbfounded.

I’m not suggesting that Parks and Recreation should be viewed as anything beyond a belly laugher that occasionally will endear us with acts of kindness and friendship (and this CERTAINLY is not a slight), but I felt as though this episode had a pretty visible thematic undercurrent. Besides being a relevant social satire (perhaps) of the ongoing tete a tete between Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney-endorsing Super PACs, I saw “Campaign Ad” as a commentary on idealism vs. realism. In both subplots, we saw the extremes employed. Andy and April chose to ignore their abysmal financial situation and hope that insurance would cover an absurd amount of medical care that evidently both have been neglecting for some time. And Ron F***ING Swanson was cruel and ruthless in crushing the dreams of the Public Works Department who hoped to build a dam. Of course, both incarnations of these world outlooks were hysterical, but obviously flawed. Ron surely could have been more compassionate, and based on Chris’ offer at toward the episode’s end, if he could remain open-minded a more lucrative and influential position of assistant city manager would await him. Could you imagine a Libertarian like him with the power to cut spending in any (and just maybe all) departments? And Andy certainly sees the world through rose-colored glasses. And according to his eye test, he needs actual glasses. According to his testimony it sounds as if he has been suffering from nearsightedness for oh…his whole adult life.

What we got with the main plot was the true face-off and subsequent compromise of these perspectives. Leslie is the idealist. When an opponent, played by movie star Paul Rudd, born of the Pawnee royal family, the Newports, pops into the race with his daddy’s corporate backing she firmly believes that although Bobby Newport is charismatic and affluent her status as a lifelong bureaucrat and champion of her city will propel her to victory. But frankly, Sweetums (the Newport family business), a candy conglomerate that employs half of Pawnee’s population, carries too much political sway. Ben, the realist, immediately sees the competition as the Goliath to their David. This does not necessarily discourage Ben either. He just is willing to play dirty. Leslie, however stands atop her principles, while reluctant to undermine her boyfriend’s strategy. His fairly sound plan is to buy airtime during halftime of the Pawnee vs Eagleton high school basketball game (more popular in town than the Super Bowl) to run an attack ad against Bobby Newport. With most of the gang in support, Leslie hesitates to voice her opinion, but once Ben senses her discomfort she refuses to ever do a negative ad. Though her ambition, to win on her merits alone and not by demeaning the opposition, is admirable but Ben aptly breaks it down. She does not have room for error. She is down 70 points, and needs something, anything, that will make her stand out before she’s DOA. An attack video could be that lynchpin.

Being the reasonable and supportive boyfriend he is, Ben suggests a competition. Leslie and he will pick teams and whichever team produces the better ad wins. During Leslie’s shoot there is the sight gag of Bobby Newport’s bus with that big smiling mug of his right behind Leslie as she hands a child a hot dog (how patriotic). This pales in comparison, however, to the funniest moment of the episode as the team of Tom, Ben and Jerry try and nail the perfect voiceover for their cliché slam against Bobby. Just replaying in my head that unlikely trio taking turns, showing off their most gravelly, menacing, and authoritative versions of the condescending narrator in these commercials (we all know the type), makes me break into howling laughter. Once they screen their respective submissions the victor is clear, though Leslie is swimming in the De-nial River. Ben quickly points out that, positive or not, her ad is ineffective. It never mentions that she is running for office nor ever says the words city council. Plus, her list of “some more things she’s pro” is miles long and in painfully small typeface. Eventually, she accepts defeat and trusts her boyfriend to do what’s best. It’s curious that this strong-willed woman would stroke her boyfriend’s ego, even if he may be right, but we are soon vindicated as loyal viewers.

Despite Leslie’s claims that she’s “very zen about it all,” she tackles Ben at the TV station as he is about to hand over the DVD. Another great bit of slapstick from a comedy that has limitless range. But the award for best use of physical comedy goes to Chris “Pratfall” Pratt a.k.a Andy. Not once, but three times he was called upon to fall over in this episode and every one had me (and hopefully not him) in stitches. As stated above, Andy and April were doctor’s appointment shopping after Ann told them about the wonders of health insurance when they came to her wondering what could be causing Andy’s symptoms. He’s saddled with a headache, seeing double, a song stuck in his head, his teeth hurting and he’s hungry—to which Ann quips, “Kay, well some of those things are symptoms and some of them are just being a person.” Then once inside the Pawnee Medical Center he opens up about a number of issues ranging from allergies to broken bones, to April needing a tooth pulled. But as I mentioned it is his spills that brought the whole bit together, the most prolific being when he decides to “dine and ditch” the hospital when he realizes the insurance required a $500 deductible. His response is then to rush out of the building, and in his haste he runs into the side of an ambulance. If you don’t burst out after seeing Pratt bounce back, you are a lifeless drone or one of the dementors from Harry Potter that suck out people’s souls.

Once Leslie sabotages Ben’s marketing strategy he decides that they can combine elements of their ads together to create an appealing and sweet, yet tactfully pointed argument for why she would be a much better councilperson. In the instant Youtube sensation, we see footage of 10-year-old Leslie making fake campaign ads promising cleaner streets and a more progressive tax on residential properties. In Bobby’s ads? He promises to…figure it out when he gets there. The widely viewed viral hit causes young Newport to call LesBen (my trademarked couple name) to dinner. Here’s where the episode hit its only real snag. Paul Rudd, like most of the cast, can charm the paints off me on a consistent basis, but the writers also know exactly who these characters are to the point where nothing they say is inauthentic.

In Bobby Newport’s pleas to Leslie for her to “just quit” he comes across as a spoiled version of Andy. Now, there is nothing wrong with the lovable loser. Andy executes it flawlessly almost every week. And Homer Simpson has done it for 25 years. But when you have two dudes who are dumb as rocks and man-children in terms of their grasp of responsibility on one show, it comes across a tad lazy. I buy that Bobby would think he’d get his way every time, but he might convey that in a way douchier than “Gimme it.” I was hoping for a Bush-like baffoon, who in the media’s perception tried very hard and often succeeded in sounding smart and put-together, but would on select occasions negate his efforts with mispronunciations and vagaries when discussing foreign and domestic agendas. At this point, I will lay off though, because I have the utmost faith that Harris Wittels (Emerson alum, REPRESENT) and the rest of the staff writers will re-write the ship (see what I did there) and utilize Paul Rudd’s smarmy delivery to make him closer to spoiled douche than spoiled dimwit, or possibly an unfounded mixture.

In lieu of a mixed reaction to Paul Rudd’s introduction to Pawnee, my inclination is to downgrade from last week, but the jokes hit everywhere else, and the April/Andy hospital buffet even topped the main thread with Leslie/Ben. Although, admittedly, the re-affirming moment where Leslie tells Bobby to toughen up, as Ben told her when debating the ad’s merits, in preparing for their debate did inspire in me a Tiger Woods fist pump. I imagine, sadly, that has less acceptance as a gesture post-scandal, but I felt triumphant all the same. The Ron/Chris subplot could have easily fallen under the radar, but it exhibited more precision in character authenticity. Again, that’s what made Bobby so strangely inferior in comparison, but in fairness Ron Swanson wasn’t the epic and thoroughly manly man from day one as I recall, so slack is being cut. There was also a nice callback to Ron’s Christmas gift as he tried to shut out Chris with his remote-control door, but quick as he is he snuck in. Also getting a callback—Andy’s gold record. Turns out his gift sparked the incident that jarred his “brain helmet,” him violently sneezing into the wall as he tried to mount the frame. Chris also served the purpose of adding a bit of intrigue that could mainfest itself as the election draws closer. With Ron being offered the position of assistant city manager that leaves the Parks director position. Obviously, he hasn’t made a decision, but once again the neurotic optimist throws a wrench in the machine and Leslie’s well-earned victory may not be so inevitable.

With all that in mind, factoring in my favorite lines, deliveries, and plain silly moments, I find myself compelled to edge Parks and Rec into A range as I have done with every P&R episode I have reviewed thus far, BUT due to the cathedral scale ceiling the series has set for itself in comparison to nearly all other comedies in rotation, I must reluctantly award “Campaign Ad” with a B+.*

*Be aware of this caveat, however, that the 2/3 letter deduction is mostly for its lapse in quality establishing Rudd’s character, who will have a multi-episode arc as Leslie’s only legitimate opponent, thus far. Also, when I considerd my lofty expectations of this show’s ability to combine barrages of emotional gut-punches with waves of uncontrollable giggling, it should be noted I never really felt a kinship with Leslie’s struggle, in spite of my disdain for mudslinging. I would have buried the rich prick. Therefore, I was less moved by her empowerment in the end (thanks in large part to Ben’s patience and support) as it felt overdue. Regardless, let the record show, this does not mean “New Girl” surpassed “Parks and Recreation” in producing a higher quality episode this week since they are evaluated on different scales with “New Girl” being in its infancy. Nice try though!

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “Hey Ann, are you still a nurse or did you get fired for sleeping with all the doctors?” “Wanna try that again?”

- “This is exactly how I dreamed it would be as a kid. Except I wasn’t 70 pts. behind and my campaign manager was Mr. Belivedere.”

- “I think I got a weird rash in my knee pit area.”

- “I once ate a Twix with the wrapper on it, and I’ve never seen the wrapper come out.”

- “When I bet on the horses I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.”

- “Ron Swanson! I just want to thank you for being so ruthless and cruel in that meeting the other day.” “You are going to have to be more specific.”

- “I rejected his lunch offer, then he started laughing and I ended up here. Did he drug me?!”

- “Here are some more things I’m pro…” Examples on the scrolling list included: Start talking to Cuba again, Better Better Business Bureau, Memorial for those lost in “trampoline” incident, No more conflict diamonds and making it illegal to refuse a hug

- Bobby Newport: Vice President of Nougat

- “I got my ankles microwaved!” “X-rayed…”

- “You get Jerry. You wanted to go negative, you get the biggest negative in the world.”

- “My dad’s friends with John Cougar Mellencamp. That’s pretty cool.”

- Ron tries to replace himself as Chris’ new friend with city hall regular, Kyle (or as he dubs him, Dennis). Chris asks if he is a “brother Japanophile?” Kyle says to Chris ” I was eating rice, and Ron told me to come up here, but sure that sounds fun.”

- “Call an ambulance! A different one than the one I ran into!”

- No, no more doctors. They’re a bunch of scam artists! Reel you in eight the free stuff, next thing you know…BAM! You ran into an ambulance. Every time.”

The 11th season of American Idol premiered on Wednesday, this time from Savannah, Ga. Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson reappeared as judges.

The premiere drew in 21.6 million viewers, topping the amount of young adult viewers combined for ABC, CBS and NBC. Still, the number is lower than last year’s 26.3 million viewers.

Almost immediately, Tyler made the set uncomfortable, as he commended the 15-year-old daughter of Joe Magrane, pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, comparing her to Boston summers: “hot, humid and happening.”

Still, Ryan Seacrest referred to the premiere as “one of the best starts we’ve ever had.” A total of 42 performers received approval and moved on to Hollywood.

Next week the show will air from Pittsburgh.

Jess (right) surprises Schmidt with his very own party bus (a revamped school bus).

I’m not gonna lie to you folks. I believe this…whatever you call what we have is…something special. It would be wrong of me to withhold in any way. So, I’m just gonna come out with it. This was my favorite episode of New Girl to date. Before I started covering the show for Blast I gave a prior episode a B+. The episode was “Wedding” and it was my first indication that this show could exceed expectations if they continued to strengthen the guy roommates while keeping the Deschanel charm to controlled bursts of frenzy as opposed to borderline psychotic episodes. The show has been fairly consistent since, but never truly stellar in the joke department. To be fair, this new brand of sitcom is not like the old-school and yet still celebrated method of setup and punchline. “New Girl” employs a mixture of those character-based jokes and wordplay that when done well can be an exercise in daring comedy, and when done poorly can be just plain awkward and frankly self-indulgent. Tonight’s fare was cooked well-done.

Loaded with jokes from beginning to end, my pen couldn’t keep up with its cleverness. At first, I wondered if it was almost narcissistic, calling to much attention to itself, but eventually I got lost in the banter. I was lulled into a state of numb smiles that I hadn’t felt since “Gilmore Girls” was in its prime, dropping pop-culture reference bombs. “Girls” never sacrificed who those delightfully witty Connecticut folk were while making smart comedy cool. Now, the humor on “New Girl” might be a smidgeon more sophomoric than that of the mother-daughter laugh riot, but tonight’s episode equaled its predecessor in Speedy Gonzalez-like joke delivery.

Our story begins at the chronological conclusion. Schmidt is prompted by Jess, Nick and Winston to stuff a fifty in the fabled “Douchebag Jar.” This gem of a prop was employed in the pilot and was for some the catalyst to their early fandom. The jar’s rules are lax to say the least, but the general principle remains that if Schmidt does something totally “douchey” as deemed by his fellow roommates he must pay a fine, the amount of which is determined by the offended party. Some prior examples of douchebaggery include his shipment of “customized customs,” his ignorance as to what 90′s rap group, N.W.A, stood for (he thought it was “Never Walk Alone”), and a newsboy cap/tank top ensemble that Nick immediately made him change. At present time, we are unaware of the offense Schmidt committed to incite such disdain, and so we go back three days, or rather two days before Schmidt’s 29th birthday.

Devastated that his party bus “res” was cancelled in favor of Frankie’s Muniz’s, Schmidt tears up at the prospect of losing his last chance to throw a notorious bash before “the darkness” (turning 3-0). Jess, in all her generosity, convinces Nick and Winston to help her throw him a surprise party. Nick initially declines, warning Jess that she is in over her head. Apparently, Schmidt’s “crowd”  known to abbreviate most words to one syllable (ov is oven, ketch is ketchup) and for oddly titled club promotions such as, “Bros Before Hos On the Moon.” Undeterred, Jess prepares a rager sure to impress her sweet yet insufferable roommate. Probably the most “adorkable” moment (as is required per Zooey Deschanel’s contract I presume) was when Jess calls for Schmidt’s stripper asking for “a woman of preferably Asian descent with big boobs and heart of gold…and a crotch of gold.” She then ends the call with, “Thank you Miss Fat Booty, you’re the best!” Dear God, if that didn’t make you smirk sheepishly you have no friggin’ soul.

Occupying the B-story is Nick’s budding relationship with the also cute yet comedically adequate Lizzy Caplan’s Julia. Nick attempts to hide his new boo from the roommates because he interprets her to be high-class: an art history buff and a lawyer. Turns out she finds his buddies awesome, but he still tries to distant himself from what he judges as classless behavior. At first, the “Nick is ashamed” routine felt washed-up, but thanks in large part to Caplan’s execution, this variation still offered the resident straight man a side-plot worthy of Schmidt’s unstoppable laughs in terms of character growth. Julia continuously undermines his efforts to shield her from his more unpretentious side, trying to prove that she is into HIM and not his constrained “upper crest” impression. On the contrary, she most enjoys his horrendous, yet gut-busting Cosby impression (everybody has one) and his distinction as the inventor of the ungodly, alcoholic concoction that is “Bro-Juice.” This theme of caring what other people think persists in Schmidt’s central conflict as well.

Speaking of my man-crush, Schmidt further cemented himself as my favorite new character in comedy. It’s almost as if Fox were kissing up to me by making this first episode back so Schmidt-centric. Well it worked my network minions. You have appeased your Lord! Schmidt is enamored with Jess’s efforts and believes that he just may spark some envious feelings from his former best friend and true douche, Benjamin. Benjamin is clearly one of those old buddies who you knew thought very little of you, but you stayed by his side for the girls, the parties and the connections. Clearly, Schmidt is better than this Hall Of Fame worthy D-bag, but nonetheless his approval matters. Of course, plans go awry when another guest star played by Upright Citizens Brigade co-founder, Matt Besser, shows up as his adult entertainment for the evening. As is customary, Jess’ girlish voice tipped off the good folks at Miss Fat Booty to send out a male stripper. Despite Jess’s demands that he not get naked he insists that he must perform. Therefore, Jess agrees to pay him to showcase his other, less provocative talent: baritone of his gospel choir. Also guest-starring is comedy vet, Rachel Harris, as the vice-prinicpal of Jess’ school who invites herself to Schmidt’s 29th after she catches our heroine stealing from the “Confiscation Station.” What does the seedy, drug hoarding vice-principal bring from her stash? A half-eaten pot cookie.

As Schmidt soaks up every minute of his makeshift celebration, his self-proclaimed “bronemy” or “fremesis,” Benjamin, is not so secretly hating on the whole affair. He disses Schmidt’s party to his face and then asserts he will make a pass at a Jess whether he likes it or not. After Benjamin makes some terribly obvious, actually outright, reference to his penis, Schmidt steps between them to defend his good friend’s honor. And in the biggest twist of the night, who swoops in to pop the Grade A D-bag in the mouth…Julia! Unbeknownst to Nick, Julia harbors a severe anger management issue and is highly trained in martial arts. Horrified and disturbed, but undeniably turned on, Nick kisses Julia as they wait for the police to show. Needless to say the ruckus caused the driver of their school bus turned party-mobile to veer off into a telephone pole. Also reconciling outside the crushed bus are Jess and Schmidt. There’s a sweet, but perhaps too dead-on moment where Schmidt asks Jess directly if he cares too much what people think and Jess bluntly states, “Yeah maybe a bit.” He thanks her for her selflessness and unparalleled generosity. In response, Jess smiles proudly saying, “Anytime.” And it is here where we realize, what constituted Schmidt’s douchiest offense yet. His Bro-Juice influenced synapses misfire and he interprets her gleaming as an invitation AAAAAAND leans in to kiss her. He stops midway, thankfully, Jess leaning back in shock. He immediately claims she had fuzz on her face, but we all know the deal. As we, the viewing public, have all experienced, he was sucked in by her man-boy seduction powers, luring him in to a whirlwind of quirky sexcapades…or you know, something like that.

Complete with an almost flawless ending montage, we’re blessed with a plethora of Schmidt’s past D-bag Jar related crimes, “Story of the 50″ could have made me burst aloud with, dare I say, girlish giggling at any moment. Fortunately, for all of us, I was preoccupied slightly as I had lost something valuable prior to viewing and was wracking my brain during commercial breaks and retracing. Full disclosure, I misplaced the cap to the milk gallon. Funny story, it fell into my six-pack of Dos Equis. True story. Anyway, I share this because had it not been for my traumatic experience I would have been holding my belly in pain often at many of the quotable, and at times, unquotable triumphs of comedy writing. I think I speak for many TV fanatics when I say it is a pleasant surprise to see a network show not on NBC’s Thursday night that is paying attention to what works, making the necessary amendments as the first season airs, and using those details and carefully crafted characters to orchestrate some major payoffs. As long as the payoffs are not cheap, and not elicited through contrived “will-they or wont-they” nonsense as many shows with young, attractive actors are often prone, nay, vulnerable to, then this will be a beautifully ridiculous roll in the hay (I’m not ready for a commitment at this point in my life). For sheer hysterical quantity that can boast quality as well, I shall award the “New Girl” with her first highest grade to begin the semester: an A-.

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines 

This list very well could be as long as my review, but I shall narrow it down to a Few Good Lines.

- “…and a steering wheel in the shape of a boob. You honk the nipple. It’s actually pretty cool.”

- Schmidt’s birthday song! “We built this Schmity! We built this Schmity on tootsie rolls…” Benjamin: “Ha, because he was fat!”

- Nick avoiding questions about his date with Julia: “I’m just…mumble, mumble, mumble.”

- Schmidt on his stripper persona: “Luxury, dessert, I’m a warrior poet, man.”

- Schmidt describing his testicles:

Male stripper- “Are they more or less symmetrical?”   Schmidt- “Size, yes. Location, no.”

Just SOME of Schmidt’s past contributions to the douchebag jar…

“Ooo Jess, I just found a Groupon for hypnosis lessons. Just think about what you could do with that. Sex stuff.”

“Have you seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?”

“Nick! I came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis. Bishop in a turtleneck!”

“Dammit! I cannot find my driving moccasins ANYWHERE!”

The Blind Witch (Emma Caulfield) senses the presence of yummy children.

*Exasperated sigh*

So, for those of you who read my review of last week’s episode…remember all that goodwill that OUAT built up? They caught me fresh off some new year’s resolutions, a fun trip to Disney World, and legitimately entertained me with Rumpelstiltskin’s backstory, while also establishing a potential arc when Emma defied Mr. Gold and he proclaimed himself a worse enemy to have than Regina. Well, all that goodwill has been wasted, and in many ways I am officially mad at this show. The only bright spots for me were the usual: great rapport between Emma (Jennifer Morrison) and Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin, who this show needs to highlight more or perish), and the subversion of happily-ever-after in the FTL (Fairy Tale Land). And the only other consistent silver lining, the Mary/David relationship was on hiatus.

Equally disappointing was the lost potential. Not only was the source material the eepy-cray “Hansel and Gretel” story, but comedic talent Emma Caulfield (know for her work on “Buffy”) was playing the Blind Witch. I was geared up for the best fairyback yet, and for the show to finally embrace the dark side of the Force. Alas, this was the biggest letdown since “Terriers” got cancelled (anybody catch that show on FX last year? Awesome detective show. Really great writing, intense drama. Would have been a great, classic series). As mentioned there was subversion of the expected, but it was as slight as that sliver of cake your grandma takes at every birthday.

Hansel and Gretel are not kicked out of their parent’s home. They lose their father in the woods after searching for kindling. When they wander onto the main road for their search they are almost hit by the Evil Queen’s carriage (dressed in some S&M meets horse riding garb that screams someone wants to fool around in the stables). She scolds the children for impeding her path and even tries to capture them, but they scrap their way out from her guards’ grasps and instead uses magic (which is unclear because we have no idea the limitations of her power so nothing surprises us) to tie them up in tree roots. She first commends them for their ingenuity, but then offers a deal. If they go retrieve something for her, she will help them find their father. Gretel in particular does not want to help the villainess, but she knows no other way to find her father now that the compass he bestowed upon her has been broken in the scrum. EQ then outlines the task at hand: steal something from the Blind Witch for her, bring it back to her, and she will use her infinite evil resources to find Dad.

Here’s where obvious, parallel real-world scenario comes into play. Henry is perusing the local comic book joint (comics shown include recent Hulk issues written by fellow LOST alum, Damon Lindeloff) when he runs into a boy and a girl (wow, those kids look like Hansel and Gret—oh, yeah) about his age. The girl befriends him and asks if he wishes to come to their house to play. Henry, who with his fairy tale obsession must be a loner, is thrilled. But when leaving the store, the clerk makes him empty his backpack. Turns out the stranger’s kindness was a con to help steal food and supplies. Eva and Nicholas fib to Sheriff Emma that they were stealing to help their parents who are financially burdened. Apparently, Emma, who has been duped often by Storybrooke’s seedier characters, professes her bullshit-detecting powers  and follows through when she pulls off after dropping the kids at their “house” and then sneaks into the house to get the real story. Obviously, they’re orphans. Their mother is gone and they squat in their former home. Emma, who was an orphan herself, is sympathetic and decides to let them stay with Mary Margaret/Snow White Mom and her. Many might be put off by her extremely harsh opinions of the foster care system that follow. I grant you, I have a close friend who has a foster kid and is not grabbing for cash, but it is understandable how someone within could develop such a beef with that system. Because of this staunch opposition she refuses to abide by Mayor Regina’s proposition which is to put them in separate homes (the closest are in Boston).

EQ, back in FTL, warns the kids about the “special properties” of The Blind Witch’s house. “No matter how tempted you may be, you must not eat anything.” Of course, once inside they find the black satchel the Queen s desires, but as Gretel fingers it, Nicholas eats a blue-frosted cupcake and wakes the Blind Witch who immediately sniffs them out. When she locks them in a cupboard as she prepares dinner she offers up the strangely hysterical question, “Gravy or butter?” As in, would you rather be lathered in gravy or butter. Gretel then sacrifices herself and steals the key from the witch, tossing it to her brother who then breaks out. After a struggle that never seemed to have any real stakes despite the witch having weird powers to move things and throw projectiles, the kids push the witch into the oven. Then through the mirror the EQ herself hurls a fireball (apparently the mirror, like in Blue’s Clues, has the ability to transcend time and space) and burns her alive inside the oven. I suppose this would seem more ironic if it weren’t so telegraphed. Then EQ delivers her groaner of the week: “I would have gone with gravy.” The much funnier line is delivered after when she stalks Snow White via the mirror and quips, “She’s cavorting with dwarfs now, when did that happen?” I actually laughed out loud.

In her efforts to spite foster care everywhere, Sheriff Emma searches for Eva and Nicholas’ pops. Along the way, Helper Henry (who was surprisingly interesting this week, but this could have been that the other child characters this week were so stale) asks Emma about his dad. Emma, not having the heart to disappoint him makes up a story about how he was a fireman trying to save a family from a burning building. “He is the true hero, not me.” After vomiting in my mouth from all the manufactured cuteness, I wished so hard that she was BSing the kid, and it turns out she was. She reveals as much when she talks to gal pal/Mom (weird, huh?) about her own trials in the foster care system, and reveals that Henry theorizes Emma may be Mary daughter in FTL. Ginnifer Goodwin does a beautiful job subtly conveying in her eyes and gestures that she is curious and maybe even a little excited about the prospect. Of course, what the show needs to realize is that this feeling is done by showing, not telling. With models like Horowitz and Kitsis, who know the power of a striking look from LOST, David Goodman and Liz Tigelaar, should have employed this technique more, but alas we only get the real character development and emotional ploy when Mary Margaret is around. *Deeper sigh*

Also derived from the conversation was Emma’s strategy to find their dad. Apparently every orphan has some memento that was given to them by their birthparents. This seems highly unlikely, but I rolled with it. Fortunately, Eva has a compass (JUST LIKE GRETEL…oh, yeah) that she has carried with her since she was little. When Emma brings it to Mr. Gold, he is able to pinpoint the person who bought that exact compass from him. His price? Simply forgiveness for last week’s political shenanigans. Emma offers up tolerance, and he accepts. There is, a twist though. When they show the card he pulled that supposedly had the name on it, it appears blank. WHERE DOES HE GET HIS INFORMATION?! THIS WAS THE ONLY THING THAT EXCITED ME ALL EPISODE! The name she was given leads her to a mechanic in town. Oh, yeah. Henry knew he would be in town because part of the curse is no one can leave or come in. Thanks Exposition Helper Henry! When Emma reveals the existence of his two kids to the grease monkey he is predictably reluctant. Defeated, and unwilling to break the hearts of the children she says she never found him and prepares to drive them to Boston. However, she has a trick up her sleeve. As they are about to cross the Storybrooke border, Emma pretends the engine has stalled and calls for a tow. Guess who comes? No. No. No, not Rumpel—yes, the father! Finally. Anyway, he has a sudden change of heart when he looks at their downtrodden and pouty faces and decides he can raise them! What an unexpected surpr—oh who am I kidding.

As for our FTL alter egos, Hansel and Gretel, when they hand over the satchel, anticipates the Queen who pulls a fast one. After opening the satchel to reveal an apple (clearly the poison apple, or as she calls it, “a weapon,” she claims she has a “better idea” that they can stay with her! Nicholas seems intrigued by the riches by always the rebellious and boisterous type, Gretel resists her evil temptations just like at the Witch’s house. In her anger she casts them off in a poorly CGI-ed tornado and releases their father from her custody. NO WAY! No, but yeah I knew that too. I mean, she was right there when they couldn’t find him…*breathes deeply*…I’m calm now. Anyway, she casts him off too when he answers her question, “Why wouldn’t they stay with me” with “Family always finds each other.” Then in anti-climactic fashion she plops him in the expansive forest so that they can search for each other FOREVER. Or you know, until they find each other, whichever.

Then there’s the matter of the enigmatic biker dude that arrives at the very end. Clealrly, the episode itself held no intrigue or suspense on its own so they leave us with he cliffhanger of who is this dude who has come into town. BUT WAIT! How did he do that? Emma was the first stranger to come into town…ever. How did this man get there? Could this mean legitimate mystery has found its way into the show. Ehh, maybe.

My main gripe with this episode is the lack of recognition for what they could have done. They phoned this one in. I found my self singing “If only, if only” the whole hour. If only they had utilized Emma Caulfield better, and hadn’t given her corn-fest lines. If only Hansel and Gretel, an inherently dark fairy tale was actually scary. I never felt imminent danger. If only they had stopped trying to pull a fast one in the real-world plot with the lazy, predictable reversals. Oh she mad up a story about his father. Duh. The dad is gonna take them after all? Well, to create an hour-long conflict. And either of those things might not have felt so cheap if they felt less like plot points and more like actual emotions and struggles for these characters. But neither the mechanic nor Emma (Morrison’s ability to stretch the material can only go so far) made feel as though their reversals were earned or even really a consequence of anything. I was satisfied when  Emma had another opportunity to tell Henry the truth, and didn’t, but besides the obvious the why (?) still escapes me and not in a ambiguous sense, but in an unaddressed sense.

Thankfully, next week, we will be back to basics. Previews suggest another Snow White/Charming and Mary/David episode and most of the show’s energy lies with Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas’ chemistry so hopefully that will help bridge the gap. For this week, though, the fairyback was anti-climactic. The real-world plot revealed nothing plot or character wise, and what little joy I had came mostly from one loud guffaw (the cavorting with dwarfs line) and when we got to see of that budding Gilmore Girls-lite relationship between Emma and Mary Margaret. Even when this show is technically frustrating there is fun to be had, but very little kept this episode from slipping into D (as in damn that sucked) territory. But for making it out in one piece, with a couple mysterious threads hanging loose (Gold’s blank card, Henry’s father’s REAL story, and who this foreign biker dude is) My extra credit will allow OUAT to cling a second chance at life, with the promise of a better tomorrow (next week’s return to Mary/David adorability).

Host Ricky Gervais shrugs after slamming many of his acting peers at the 2012 Golden Globes.

The Golden Globes are often diminished by critics for not having its finger on the pulse. Many films and TV shows that have no business winning awards are honored for being popular and legitimized as part of the zeitgeist. In retrospect, I suppose this assessment is fair. Though often times, they get it right, and the Oscars do not. Why just last year “The Social Network” beat “The King’s Speech” for Best Drama and then the latter usurped the former for the Best Picture Oscar. We could certainly pigeon hole both award shows and dub The Globes a popularity contest and the Oscars the politics of the industry, but that would be unfair to the dedicated performers and artists to devalue these tributes to their talent. Sure, I can lay back on my bed and scorn the voters for their lack of vision, and claim it a blight on the history of storytelling and performance. Host Rickey Gervais did as much with this controversial analogy: “The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton…one’s a little trashier…a little drunker…and a little more easily bought, allegedly.” But in the end, despite the biting wit of the always quotable comedian, these folks will still have more hardware atop their mantles.

If you are unfamiliar, the Globes are unique in that they honor the past year’s exceptional artistic achievements in TV and movies. In the TV categories, “Homeland,” the breakout hit that pits a bipolar renegade CIA operative against a former POW turned terrorist sympathizer (and my favorite new show) nabbed the big award for Best TV Series – Drama. Also capitalizing on the success of Showtime’s critical darling was the magnificent (and totally deserving) Claire Danes who plays that loose cannon federal agent who will push any boundary, whether ethical, social, or legal, to catch the bad guy and prevent another mass tragedy. She graciously accepted the third Golden Globe of her career for Best Actress in a TV drama. In the Best Actor in a TV Drama category, a seasoned TV vet won for a new role and likely shocked the  viewing public and certainly most critics. Kelsey Grammar took home the gold for his role in Starz rookie drama series, “Boss,” as Tom Kane, the mayor of Chicago, who is concealing his recently diagnosed neurological disorder that could ruin his political career. After a masterpiece fourth season, Bryan Cranston would have been a superlative choice for his role as a family wrapped up in the evils of the meth trade in “Breaking Bad.” And after him both Steve Buscemi of “Boardwalk Empire,” and Damian Lewis (my personal choice) of “Homeland” both garnered countless praise in the past year for their captivating roles. I have not caught any of “Boss” yet, so Grammar may have been just as noteworthy. Nonetheless, in a year filled with mesmerizing performances, most prognosticators felt the other three mentioned were superior.

Rounding out the acting awards, Peter Dinklage added another Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Mini-series or TV Movie trophy to his collection (he won the Emmy in the same category last fall) for his captivating portrayal in the high-fantasy, HBO epic “Game of Thrones.” Another new cable favorite, FX’s American Horror Story saw one of its stars, Globe Hall-of-Famer (five-time winner), Jessica Lange win Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-series or TV Movie. For yet another starling turn, Kate Winslet of earned herself the Best Actress in a Mini-series or TV Movie award for her part in HBO mini-series, Mildred Pierce  and former “The Wire” great, Idris Elba was justly recognized for his arresting presence on “Luther” with Best Actor in a Mini-series or TV Movie. 

The Hollywood Foreign Press also deemed Matt LeBlanc of “Episodes”  and Laura Dern of “Enlightened.” two of the funniest performers of the past year by bestowing unto them the awards for Best Actor in a TV Series – Musical or Comedy and Best Actress in TV Series-Comedy respectively. Also, in a mildly turn of events, “Modern Family,” was finally honored with the Best TV Series – Musical or Comedy after being stiffed the past two years while winning the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series, both years, just seven months later. “Glee” had been the recipient those two previous years, but after what some would consider a creative slump for the series, it really shouldn’t be shocking that the clearly beloved ABC sitcom finally got its due from the Hollywood Foreign Press. PBS’ in-depth examination of class relations at the turn of the century had no trouble snagging the Best TV Mini-series or Motion Picture made for Television statuette.

For the cinephiles, it was a night of high regard for many prestige pictures, but the silent, black-and-white throwback “The Artist,” that shone the brightest among the flashing bulbs, winning 3 awards including Best Motion Picture – Comedy. The film’s score, arranged by Ludovic Bource, nabbed Best Original Score, and the charismatic Frenchman Jean Dujardin accepted the Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical. Biting at their heels, however, was the Alexander Payne-directed family drama, “The Descendants,” which received 2 awards including Best Motion Picture – Drama. Its star, or rather superstar George Clooney continued to be adored by fans and critics by accepting Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama. Familiar female faces earned the remaining major acting awards, perpetual nominee Meryl Streep and starlet Michelle Williams were both lauded for their iconic roles. Streep secured her Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama award for her dead-on transformation into former British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, in “The Iron Lady,” and Williams’ immersion in the role of sex symbol Marilyn Monroe had voters swooning and proclaiming her Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy.

In the supporting categories, The Help’s Octavia Spencer struck gold for her portrayal as a strong-willed maid in what seemed like a given victory in the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture. For the men, oldie but a goodie, Christopher Plummer humbly accepted his Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture trophy. Industry favorite Martin Scorsese topped the Best Director in a Motion Picture category, beating out many worthy opponents for his expertly crafted family adventure, Hugo. Another universally beloved director and admired screenwriter, Woody Allen penned the Best Screenplay in a Motion Picture, as well.

And I would be remiss to mention that the astounding, and always commanding Morgan Freeman was the recipient of the Cecil B. DeMille, Lifetime Achievement Award. Handed to him by former recipient, Sidney Poitier, Freeman was beaming as he basked in the glory of his many classic roles, while crediting every single one of his former castmates for blessing him with all the fun he has had of the course of his legendary career.

For a complete list of the award winners, click here.

And Blast readers, don’t forget to voice your opinions in the comments section! Share with us your insights on who was robbed, who deserved their accolades, and what performances/shows/films were overlooked and absent on the ballot.

The gang shuffling their candidate across the ice not-so gracefully.

One of my many media consumption resolutions for winter break/the new year was to re-watch seasons 2&3 of “Parks and Recreation,” for two reasons. One, it’s my favorite comedy currently on TV. With “Louie” on hiatus it is hard to compare, but P&R is certainly in a heated battle for #1. Two, in reading a few year-end lists of my favorite TV critics I saw that the show was consistently in the top 5. Besides feeling validated that my opinion is in accordance with the “professionals” I was immediately curious about the rationale. I have only reviewed two episodes from season four thus far, and I know why they were A-quality episodes for me, but what made season 3 (the full season aired in 2011) so A-quality that it caused Alan Sepinwall to leapfrog “Breaking Bad” and crown it the best show of the last year?

What I immediately realized about Parks and Rec’s excellence was not necessarily something you can learn workshopping scripts. P&R has harnessed the ability to cultivate friendships—with the audience. Whether you are writing a film, a short story, novel or TV pilot you learn quickly that no one will care unless you can write characters that people will want to invest in. Leslie, Ron, April, Andy, Ann, Tom, Ben, Chris and even Jerry are all my dear  friends, and I cherish any time I get to spend with them. It’s not as simple as empathy, because at times these characters can be jerks, fail miserably, or be a shell of  themselves. But despite them falling short of your expectations you will love them anyway, and root for them to return to their most promising attributes.

Tonight was one of those episodes. None of our favorite people were firing on all cylinders. In fact, Ben and Leslie both got glimpses of the bottom, but just like the rest of the team, we wanted to stick by them. In most comedies, one of our main characters running for office would merely by a long setup for some killer payoffs where shenanigans ensue. But we want Leslie to win. She is the best thing about Pawnee, Indiana’s government and she would only bring the town to new heights, but she isn’t infallible. She is going to hit rough patches. But even though this is a comedy, we don’t wanna laugh at their failures. What we want is to have a hell of time on the way down.

“The Comeback Kid” refers to Leslie’s newfound identity as she re-launches her campaign. After bringing her relationship with Ben into the light she is polling horribly and her bigshot campaign team has abandoned. In their wake, the Parks and Rec department (and Ann) have decided they will not allow her to throw in the towel (like a Jon Huntsman, but with friends). Leslie declares her bestest friend, Ann (Rashida Jones) her campaign manger despite no prior knowledge of politics. Leslie then tells her she is pretty and that she will help her anyway. Her rationale that most murders are committed by professionals was typical Leslie pontificating without thinking it through. Her positivity is ramped up when Ann lands “Pistol Pete”  Disilio, a local sports hero to endorse her. Elated, she attempts to break dance as everything seemingly falls into place.

Ben is looking to make a comeback also, into respectability. Since resigning, taking the blame for his illicit relationship with Leslie, his production level has been dangerously low. Ben, however, disagrees when Chris (Rob Lowe) comes over to lift him out of what he perceives is “massive depression.” Ben continues to deny as he shows off his new recipe for calzones (a callback to an awkward conversation with the police chief where he expressed his love for the more practical and functional pizza alternative), and his foray into Claymation, or “Claymaysh” as he so coins. This B-plot might even be stronger than the main plot simply because it allows Adam Scott to be obnoxiously pitiful, and joyfully oblivious. Later on, Ben painfully tries to convince Chris that he is fine. He outlines his plans for Lo-cal Calzone Zone. in his confessional Chris admits it is literally the worst idea he has ever heard. Undeterred, he showcases his Claymaysh piece de resistance, “Requiem for a Tuesday.” When he actually watches, he is baffled and embarrassed. In three weeks he had only filmed his clay likeness getting out of bed, he breaks down and admits his deep depression.

Leslie’s rally starts to unravel when Pistol Pete refuses to dunk for Leslie. Apparently, dredging up his past is painful for him, and he wants to endorse her as his current self and not as his 17-year old, basketball star self. Across town Ron is pulled over in a rented truck trying to transport the materials for her stage. Ron, in rare form, gets the opportunity to dispute the law with the officer claiming that there is no “real” law that he is breaking. Except like four of them. OH! And guess who is along for the ride? Well, Tom, but also Andy and April with their new three-legged dog Champion. “Because he is the World’s champion of three-legged dogs.” Leslie motors over to save them, while leaving Ann to convince Pete to pull the old routine for her. What they both find out is the situation is much worse than anticipated. Ann uncovers that Pete is traumatized by his past because of how his father treated him. Leslie discovers that because the back of the truck was opened most of the wood, and part of the banner was Jetsons-ed (as Andy does not know the word jettisoned). Therefore, she may not have her star endorsement, a big enough enough, or a banner that shows her whole face.

When they arrive at the Pawnee Sports Center, the debacle continues. Thinking she is without Pistol Pete, Leslie rallies the troops, trying to adjust. But, alas, one more hurdle. When April called she forgot to mention they would need the basketball floor, but since the hockey team used the facilities most recently she must walk across ice to her minuscule podium, thus ushering in the funniest scene of the episode. No bunch like this one can quite execute this kind of slapstick. Between Champion peeing in Ron Swanson’s arms, Andy falling on his face, and all of them hoisting Leslie onto the tiny stage while “Get On Your Feet” plays in the background, it was truly an amusing struggle. As Leslie begins to fumble over her index cards since they were jostled while she was lifted onto the platform, Pistol Pete arrives! Thankfully, in an agreeable mood, he delivers the cheesy “Voting for Leslie Knope is a slam dunk” line and even attempts to dunk. I say “attempts” because he lands square on his tailbone due to the inherently slippery quality of ice.

Bringing both Ben and Leslie’s snafus to a resolution, Leslie predictably fires Ann, hiring Ben as her campaign manager. As the clearly more knowledgeable applicant, she discards any fear that his presence would be “poison” for her image and Ben willing takes the job despite Chris’s protective refusal. He needed a task, and she needed a stable expert. All is well for this charming couple as we’d hoped but they ride was as bumpy and delightful as we’d hoped.

Despite the unsurprising grasp these writers continue to display when writing for these band of misfits, it was just shy of a knock ‘em dead episode. Don’t get me wrong, this episode ups the ante for the amount of great lines/line deliveries. The Pistol Pete uses Ann as shrink bit fell flat though. It was a clever premise with no real meat to it. Any laughs were in theory as most of the interaction was off-screen. Also, with the sugary sweetness that both “Trial of Leslie Knope” and “Citizen Knope,” added to the mix, an already flawless recipe, my expectations were mighty high. Yet the time spent was an undeniable treat with a treasure trove of cackle-inducing lines and a “Dawwww” payoff at the end that revved up much of my sentimental attachment to this season. Feel-good, yet damn witty, and at times side splitting. Just how I like it. Therefore, since P&R’s staff continues to nail the authenticity of not only each individual’s quirkiness, but the group dynamic and all its sincerity I proudly grant the new year’s re-introduction to Pawnee politics with a A-.

L.O.L.Ls (Laugh out Loud Lines):

- “Oh Ann, you beautiful tropical fish.”

- Libertarianism courtesy of Ron Swanson: “I don’t wanna pain with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable incompetent thief.”

- “In 1992, Pistol Pete’s last-second slam dunk clinched a victory over Eagleton High for the Pawnee Central Drunken Savages. Team mascot was later changed.”

- “Tom, be a man and sit on the lady’s lap!”

- “What’s that in the sole of my show? Red carpet. Everywhere I walk, I’m walking on red carpet.”

- “The past is great! Jitterbug, stagecoaches, Herman Munster.”

- Where are you? My mother’s butt, yeah that’s helpful.”

- “I’m kind of tearing this Claymation thing a new one.”

- “Windows are the eyes to the house.”

- “Can’t you do anything wrong, Jerry?”

- “Together we can beat…obese children. No wait…”

- “Don’t make out it’s making Champion sad.’

The newly evil Rumpelstiltskin surveys the soldiers he has just slayed.

Hmmm, what pop culture reference should I use to indicate that my weekly episode reviews have returned? A variation of “Here’s Johnny?” Maybe play off of the “back from outer space” line from “I Will Survive?” Or should I pay homage to “It’s Britney, b***h!” How about, Chris is back, back again. Chris is back, tell a friend. Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back? Guess who’s back…

Nobody? Eminem? “Without Me?” From “The Eminem Show?” I don’t even know you people anymore.

Anyway, TV has returned from it’s holiday break as we have, and the midseason premiere of OUAT was a grim reminder. Incidentally, that might work for this show, though it may seem counterintuitive with its direct competitor being fairy-tale filled procedural, Grimm. Sorry, I had to.

We begin with the sadistic host of “Let’s Make a Deal,” Rumpelstilitlskin in a more humbling form. This fairyback (fairy tale flashback for those who lost their short-term memory while gaining holiday weight) harkens back to a simpler time for Rumpy when he was still on his spindle, but living in the countryside, spooling coveted wool. Alas, beyond the hillside the Ogre Wars are taking the lives of countless youth (I need a spinoff directed by Peter Jackson please…post haste!) and the Duke is rounding up girls and boys as young as fourteen to join in the cause. Here the episode went strangely political, condemning the military industrial complex (not really) as Rumpy grew worried for his son (GASP), dreading the day of his fourteenth birthday in just 3 days, when he too would be forced to fight. When he tries to whisk his son away, running from his problems, the Duke’s entourage finds Rumpy and berates him, They tease him about his name, his limp and how he went AWOL and lost his wife due to his cowardice. The wounds are still fresh for him, but the shame doesn’t stop him from submitting himself before the Duke and kissing his boot upon request. Afterwards, an old beggar (played by Brad Dourif) gives him shelter, and his ominous yet comforting speech implies he may have more to offer him.

Meanwhile in present time “real world” Maine, Emma, (and Regina superficially) are mourning the death of Sheriff Graham. Emma after two weeks though feels it is time to take up his mantle and protect the citizens of Storybrooke, but Regina will tolerate nothing of the sort. She ousts her, appointing Sydney Glass (played by the brilliant Breaking Bad alum Giancarlo Esposito), editor-in-chief at the Storybrooke Daily (wait for it) Mirror (The queen’s magic mirror is his fairy tale land persona). Emma is surprisingly behind the 8-ball on this one, and sort of just gives in to mindless brooding before pawn shop owner and Rumpy’s real world alter-ego, Mr. Gold, offers Emma his services as benefactor. He’s like a local government level lobbyist without a finite cause, but it doesn’t stop him from corrupting and extorting! His first act as the OUAT version of Karl Rove is to point out what seemed obvious to me, Regina is overextending her mayoral authority. As the town charter states: the mayor can nominate a candidate, but the town must ultimately decide by election. Now Emma’s back in the running and the Queen smells something fishy. Actually more like sheepy…since he using that sheep crap oil to stain woodwork…oh never mind.

Back in the FTL (the much less crunk cousin of the ATL), the Old Beggar plays the role of “tell us exactly what’s about to happen” Man by encouraging Rumpy to take another path besides flight. I enjoyed Robert Carlyle as Rumps very much in this scene. Sure he consumes the small screen with his over-the-top style, but I genuinely pitied this man, and identified with his struggle, whereas most of the fairy tale characters have displayed such naivete that their descent into evildoings did not surprise nor pain. Beggar, who is suspiciously knowledgeable (foreboding) tells of a magic dagger that when possessed controls the will of the biggest Sauron rip-off EVER a.k.a The Dark One. Currently, it is the Duke and champion of the Ogre Wars who owns the dagger. Without it, he would be powerless to whomever owned it. Rumpy shies away from being the slavemaster of pure evil (which sort of sounds like a redundancy), and Beggar proffers that instead of harnessing the power he can take it for himself. How may you ask? Well, Rumpy tells us five minutes later (through his exposition to his son) that if he uses the dagger to kill The Dark One, he shall become the new Dark One. Of course Rumps believes he can use the power to bring all of the drafted children back to their parents, so for good. Obviously this won’t happen, and the son already starts to question his father’s motives, probing him about if his mother really died or just left him due to shame. He mumbles that she is dead, which doesn’t seem to comfort the boy. So what’s the plan? Apparently these magical fortresses are made of half wood, so….burn baby burn!

Over in high stakes, yet no stakes, Storybrooke the campaign for Sheriff is in full swing. Regina wastes no time in beginning her smear campaign for The Chicken Man—Sorry, wrong and infinitely better show (Breaking Bad is awesome)—I mean, Sydney Glass, using anonymous sources to divulge that Henry, her adopted son, but natural son of Emma, was born in prison. Emma reluctantly admits to the boy that it’s true and starts for the first time to doubt whether their is any point to fighting his Evil Queen mother since she will always win if she continues to play dirty. This development was extremely encouraging to me, because since the pilot Henry would not shut his precious little mouth about how important it all was, about how good must triumph over evil, that Emma is the savior, blabitty blah blah blah. Needless to say when the kid started having some doubts I was THRILLED that maybe the kid, and the real world struggles would be more nuanced and not so dire all the time. Maybe we could just spend some time getting to know and love the characters of Storybrooke, maybe the whole parallel between FTL and real world would be less overt and the Queen could stop being so undoubetdly awful and might have I don’t know, some emotional complexity? Too much to ask probably, and not why people are tuning in I’m sure.

With Mr. Gold now in her corner though, he takes his steps towards amassing her political capital—by orchestrating a scenario where she saves Regina from a burning building. Wait what? Well, Gold sets up a contraption which creates a mini-explosion when one of the doors in City Hall opens creating a small wall of fire that he just KNEW Emma would be courageous enough carry her mortal enemy through. But how did he know Regina’s leg would get mildly crushed and she wouldn’t be able to walk. Also Emma is assuredly the kind of person who wouldn’t leave someone to die, but what if she were the one incapacitated, what if they both only had minor scratches and Regina walked out of her own accord? The idea behind it, that Gold would give Emma a chance to be the hero is an interesting commentary on public image in a time where the Republicans are scurrying about trying to find ANYONE who doesn’t harm conservative sensibilities, but logistically Gold couldn’t have “planned” that. It worked out nicely, but he is just too infallible of a evil mastermind, and his tactics required more than a Ben Linus-esque (LOST connections!) psychological manipulation (giving you an idea, and you making you believe it’s your own). Emma suspects Gold’s influence when she smells “that sheep crap oil” among the wreckage, and Gold neither denies nor confirms her suspicions with vague allusions to what he would have done if he had done it, doing a fine tribute to O.J. All Emma knows is she doesn’t want the kind of benefactor who will risk lives for a P.R. stunt.

In typical OUAT fashion, the parallels abound and Rumpy uses wool to burn down the half-wooden fortress of the Duke, all-too-easily stealing the dagger that reads the name of The Dark One—Zoso (okay…)—whom he summons so that he may steal his powers. It is revealed when Rumpy stabs him that…Yup, we ALL guessed it, the old beggar. Apparently being evil is quite the burden on your soul, and Bozo wanted out. We get beat over the head with the “Magic has a price” platitude again and Rumpy starts to bronze like Snooki, with even the same dead eyes. Then as his son is about to be forced into fighting the gruesome, red sky-inducing Ogre Wars, Rumpy appears for the first time in his Dark One form and slays all of the recruiters in epicly badass, and cheaply choreographed style, frightening his son of course with what he has become. Echoing Darth Vader, he loses all he loved and wished to protect because he sold his soul in order to protect it. But now as an audience we can all rejoice that swindling, murderous, greedy Rumpelstiltskin is BACK BABY.

Emma mulls over what to do about Gold’s PR bump as the debate nears and FINALLY we get the scene with the endearing friendship between her and Mary Margaret, where she opens up about why she even cares to be Sheriff. Her budding feelings for Graham aside, she wants to be someone in Henry’s life, even if she can’t be his mother. So instead she will be the hero. But what is the heroic thing to do? Then Archie (a.k.a Jiminy Cricket) begins as moderator absolutely infuriating me with “Use your conscience!” and a non-joke that incites, “Crickets.” Seriously, we get it! They are all fairy tale characters. Instead of making cheap allusions, maybe flesh out the personalities to create organic comparisons with their legendary traits? Yeah, they can’t hear me. After Glass recites overly rehearsed babble, Emma takes the stage and bravely divulges what really happened with that fire, implicating Gold, and even herself in the hoax. Gold leaves the audience, and Regina smiles devilishly. Due to the laws of  happily ever after though, Emma wins the election anyway, as her gall and fortitude shine through, endearing her to the people. Also…lucky for me…Henry is so encouraged by her willingness to stand up to evil he announces that Operation Cobra/Make everyone realize they are fairy tales, is back on! Goody!

Oh, and there’s one more thing. Remember how I didn’t buy that Gold could orchestrate her heroism in the first place, not being able to know for sure that the fire set-up would pan out? Well, it turns out that Gold planned all along for Emma to save Regina AND expose him for faking the danger for political gain. Huh? I mean I am familiar with long cons, and Horowitz and Kitsis had their fair share on LOST, but no way. Yes, there is a psychological precedent that Emma would behave that way, but there are so many variables, so many balls in the air there, I don’t know whether this reveal is absurdly awesome or awesomely absurd, but I bought it. If only because his goal was to make her Sheriff so that the favor she owes him, from WAY BACK in the season’s fourth episode where he pulled strings to make sure a pregnant girl (FTL’s Cinderella) kept her child, could be adequately handled from her position of authority.

Despite all the ways OUAT has opposite-of-shattered my expectations with its continued devotion to groanworthy character motivations and dialogue along with a rigid adherence to parallelism in its least subtle form I am encouraged by Rumpelstiltskin. He is a much more intriguing evil than the Queen by far. Whereas Regina/EQ makes her objectives  painfully obvious, and openly destroys lives to a point where a Storybrooke coup d’etat seems abundantly necessary, Rumps keeps his endgame close to the chest. Why did he make the curse in the first place? What vested interest does he have in the Queen’s success, or failure? And where the Queen’s personality is carbon copied in the real world, alter ego Mr. Gold seems to just be a more subdued Rumps, but is he? What could the favor he is holding against Emma have to do with his FTL prosperity? I am more interested in a con artist than I am someone who is openly ruining people’s lives. I fear more what I can’t see. Regina will be easy to defeat once these Storybrooke imbeciles wake up and smell the sheep crap oil!

OUAT continues to spurn my affections like an ex I don’t quite hate yet in retrospect, refusing to capitalize on its best attributes, (i.e. Mary and David, the cutest should-be couple ever, are only allotted a solid two minutes of very shoehorned interaction) and abusing me with its worst like its cheeseball plot twists and predictable storytelling. I’m continually encouraged though by the fairybacks’ subversion of happily ever after, even if the concept has already been beaten to death in it’s creators previous series (again, LOST, it’s wonderful). Now that the real world, despite its almost sitcom-like end-of-episode resolutions, has more at stake with Mr. Gold plainly stating that he is an even greater enemy than Regina, I finally feel like these somewhat lovable characters (mainly Emma and Mary Margaret) have something truly frightening to fight against beside Regina’s petty power trips. As the weeks go on she proves to be small potatoes, the popular girl who will always get her way until her adoring populace finds a more benevolent force to support. Adversely, Rumps/Mr. Gold is lurking in the shadows, unbeknownst to most, awaiting his chance to truly destroy any sense of tranquility these noble townsfolk once had. Mostly on this conditional basis of potential, and only partially for this episode’s intrinsic value, my “new year, new me’ positive outlook (not really) shines down favorably on a darkening, murky Storybrooke with a B*.

*A better overall show would have received a B-/C+for this quality of episode, but for a show this shaky in terms of finding its sweet spot, it’s one of it’s best efforts so far aside from the Cinderella episode, The Price of Gold.

Beginning in the spring, comedian Kathy Griffin will host her own weekly talk show on Bravo. Griffin currently has a reality show, “My Life on the D-List,” and stand-up specials that also air on the network.

The talk show will be titled “Kathy” and will feature celebrity interviews, taped segments, stand-up and tabloid commentary. The success of Bravo’s current talk show “Watch What Happens Live” with Andy Cohen, has paved the way for another.

Source: Los Angeles Times

Spoiler alerts.

It has been apparent to me for some time that between film and television, the better writing is to be found on the small screen. There are many possible reasons for this, but it is not the purpose of this review to explore those—tempting as that may be. What I can allow is that both film and television are entirely concept driven, but because a movie is limited to two hours the concept often wins out at the expense of character, story, and the synthesis of these two to produce a fully expressed theme or point of view. In television, on the other hand, the writer has breathing room and a number of episodes to develop characters and to bring a message convincingly to our attention.

Nowhere is this better exemplified than in one-hour dramatic series such as The Wire, Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire –to name a few—, and the show under consideration in this review, “Homeland”.

“Homeland”, which is based on an Israel television series, airs on Showtime and follows the struggles of twin protagonists. On the one hand, we have Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) a dedicated CIA analyst who is focused like a laser beam on preventing an impending terrorist strike on this nation. On the other hand, there is Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis), an American Marine, missing in action in Iraq (and believed to be dead) for eight years until, remarkably, he is found, rescued, and returned to his family in Washington DC. While Brody seems to be recovering, both mentally and physically from his harrowing imprisonment, Mathison believes the Marine may have been turned by Al Qaeda and will be involved in a “Homeland” attack. Mathison’s pursuit of Brody forms the core of the conflict around which the first season of this series revolves.

Naturally, there are other interesting secondary characters and conflicts. There are Sgt. Brody’s wife and two children who must adjust to his homecoming and the secrets he is hiding. Mathison herself carries a secret. She is bi-polar. Reveal this and she will be run out of the CIA. One man who comes to learn this is Mathison’s boss and mentor, Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin). He’s the elder statesman of the CIA and carries the weight, Atlas-like, of a thousand secrets on his stooped shoulders. There are various other soldiers, intelligence personnel, family members, and politicians who populate the series. The acting is excellent all around, and the series is like a great page-turner: whether you ultimately admire the show or not you do want to find out what happens.

And this is where series like “Homeland” have their flaws. Shows such as “Homeland” succumb to some of the same pressures that feature films do: that is, the concept is all-important, oftentimes to the detriment of character development and story logic. In addition, producers have the need to keep the audience from getting bored or antsy, which requires more and more twists and jaw-dropping moments. This is probably a larger cultural issue and has to do with attention spans in the age of YouTube, 1,000 channel cable systems, and so on, but the problem is it leaks into series like this where viewers have no patience to see organic character growth; rather, they need their heads whip-sawed every one or two episodes with a shocking revelation. This necessity forces the writers to invent even more and more pretzel-like story twists, which rapidly diminishes the believability of the narrative.

I felt Breaking Bad suffered from this as well, but it took three seasons to become a bit farcical. “Homeland”’s first season was twelve episodes, and beginning around episode eight I could see logic slipping away from the show creators as the need to stun the audience yet again overrode a believable plot line.

What also caused me to suspend my disbelief was the incident the show creators decided to hang the entire series’ hat on. Early on in the series, we are led to believe Sgt. Brody has been brainwashed, Manchurian Candidate-style, into becoming a Muslim and carrying out an attack on US soil. In the latter half of the season, we realize this is not so. Brody had been captured in Iraq but then he was sold to Abu Nazir, who is a composite of Osama bin Laden and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Nazir treats Brody humanely and Brody comes to love him, as he perceives Nazir to have rescued him from torture and death. Brody, now living in comfortable captivity, is tasked by Nazir with teaching English to his 10-year old son Issa. Brody also comes to love Issa who is killed in a US drone strike. The head of the CIA disavows the strike, which also kills eighty other school children, and claims it was staged by Al Qaeda. This enrages Brody who hatches the plan to return to the US to kill the CIA director and his staff. The CIA director is now Vice-President and set to run for President, and he courts the hero-POW Brody as a political ally. If Brody can get close enough he can blow himself and the Vice-President (and other key decision makers) up. Justice will be served.

Complicated, no? If it’s a bit hard to follow you need only take away one thing sub-textually: it’s the soon-to-be President –and others like him– who is the villain. Abu Nazir is a bad man but we never see his bad acts. We only see the power-hungry, bully Vice President Walden as the source of Brody’s treachery. Brody never seems to wrestle with the notion that Nazir staged the September 11^th attacks or that he has likely tortured, maimed, beheaded, and murdered thousands. If the Vice President, as former head of the CIA, had accidentally killed children as part of a strike to get Nazir he would have been doing it to get Nazir, who intentionally has killed children and civilians. It would have been so much more interesting to portray Vice President Walden’s character as a well-meaning, patriotic, and kind man, who made this horrible mistake. And perhaps before Brody tries to kill him he sees that there is no monster, just a man struggling with no good choices—only the best among bad ones. Instead, Walden is characterized as a pure villainous cliché who deserves our scorn and violent death.

“Homeland” is impressive in the way it details the ‘war on terror,’ from the enhanced interrogation scenes to all the cloak and dagger activity the public would never be aware of. But the series shows its liberal bias time and again. There’s a moral equivalence between our leaders and Al Qaeda leaders. After Nazir’s son is killed and America denies the attack, Nazir mutters “and they call us terrorists.” We are meant to sympathize and agree with him, which is ridiculous on its face. Even Saul, the eminence grise of the CIA, in the final episode, is shown to be on the ‘right side.’ He discovers evidence of the Vice President’s iniquity and threatens to blow the whistle to The New York Times: this is what true heroes do, you see; settle grudges with powerful American politicians and reveal national security secrets by going to the newspapers.

The killing of Issa sets into motion Brody’s plot, but it’s not just Brody who has a justifiable gripe against the powers that be: it seems that all Marines in this series harbor grudges against the ‘war.’ I’m well aware that possibly no grunt or front-line solider is a fan of the brass or the political class, but yet again we have Marines and soldiers portrayed as those who have turned against the war after learning the truth. It’s more dramatic this way, but it’s only a stale meme at this point, and to the extent that one ever finds an unabashedly patriotic character in movies or TV shows, they are usually portrayed as deranged, sadistic, or simply jingoistic John Wayne types.

Indeed, in “Homeland,” Mathison who is a bit of another cliche (the lone voice always skirting the law and her superiors to accomplish her mission) suffers from mental problems. The writers couldn’t make her well-adjusted and focused on America’s interests and that’s that. She has to appear to be obsessed due to mania, as opposed to patriotism, and even falls in love with Brody (there’s not enough room here to detail how this comes about). Perhaps the show’s creators didn’t want “Homeland” to feel like a 24 knock off, but I’m not sure making Mathison mentally unstable was a great choice.

More than Mathison’s pathology, however, it’s the Brody plot line that will ensure this show’s descent into caricature instead of compelling drama. At about episode ten, I thought to myself if the producers put Mathison on to another case next season that would save the show, but if they continue with her pursuit of Brody, “Homeland” will not last as any kind of convincing narrative. As the cliffhanger in the final episode indicates, they fully intend to continue with the Mathison-Brody showdown.

These criticisms may appear to indicate I did not like the show. Quite the contrary. It is riveting and I gobbled up the twelve episodes in two weeks. The craftsmanship and the performances are all first rate, and I would highly recommend this for its pure entertainment value. But, “Homeland,” like so many feature films which fall prey to the pressures of “the hook” above all else, suffers from a great concept that no one seems to know what to do with after a certain point. The show sucks you in, but midway through you realize the producers have lost a handle on it, or, if they do know what they are doing, the tone becomes snide which will ensure a plummeting viewership.

Nevertheless, I maintain this is a show to watch and television is the place where ideas, themes, characters and subtleties can be explored in a dramatic narrative with more freedom and creativity than is being done in feature films.

As I see it, there are three types of Bachelor/Bachelorette fans: The die-hards who believe that everything they see on the show must be real; the middle-of-the-roaders who want to believe that fairytales really do exist but deep down are suspicious; and the cynics who know going into each season that it’s all a load of crap but like watching beautiful people get drunk and hook up.

Steve Carbone, better known as Reality Steve, definitely falls into the latter category. More than just an avid viewer, though, he’s made a living out of writing sarcastic, snarky episode recaps, exposing the franchise’s inauthenticity, and spoiling each season (warning: in his latest post, he names the final lady of the upcoming season).

Carbone has covered every single Bachelorette season and all the Bachelor seasons except for the first two, Alex and Aaron. At first, he wrote only recaps, but he began spoiling during Jason’s season — he was the first to report the Molly/Melissa fiasco. He didn’t have any spoilers for the next season (Jillian), but he’s spoiled every season since.

How does he get the goods? His lips, of course, are sealed, but we do know that he’s being fed the information as filming takes place from sources on the inside other than the contestants, who are forced to sign confidentiality agreements. Just recently, per his website, the production and distribution companies behind the Bachelor have filed a lawsuit against Carbone “making some false allegations about claimed damage to the show.”

Lawsuits aside, Carbone has become enormously popular with the series’ fans. He has more than 33,000 followers on Twitter, almost 17,000 fans on facebook, and 750,000 unique visitors a month to his website. In recent months, he’s been able to quit his day job and hire additional writers, his sole income now coming from the site, on which he and his writers blog recaps, news, and gossip about the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise and other reality shows (Real Housewives, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Jersey Shore, etc.) Some say that his Bachelor/Bachelorette spoilers, in an odd twist, have helped the show’s ratings, not hurt them, leading to conspiracy theories that he’s working surreptitiously with Mike Fleiss, the show’s creator. Carbone has dispelled that theory many times.

I reached out to Carbone via email and had a bunch of questions for him regarding the show and a couple other topics. I’ve been following him for a while now, often times taking my lunch break to check in and read the latest scoop. I’ll admit I was a bit nervous when I emailed him – he’s known for skewering his readers in his weekly mailbag feature, in which he pokes fun at fans for sending him dumb questions. But he was gracious and quick to respond, even if he’s heard these questions countless times before.

For the last few seasons, I’ve read the spoilers before tuning in to the show. It’s been fun watching the gals and guys do their best to woo the Bachelor/Bachelorette while knowing their fate, but I think this time around I’m going to withstand the urge to know beforehand. Crap: I just went to Carbone’s Twitter page to hyperlink it above and the first thing I saw was the name of the person with whom Ben ends up. You’ve been warned.

NEELY: For those who’ve never read your column and don’t understand the reality of reality TV, can you tell us how manipulated the show really is?

STEVE CARBONE: However manipulated and contrived you think it is – it’s actually much worse. From telling contestants what to say and what to talk about, to cutting people off the show who won’t go along with the storyline they have for them, to forcing people to stay on the show who don’t want to be there, it goes beyond anyone’s imagination of what these producers will do to get the storyline they want.

NEELY: It may be obvious to most rational human beings, but between The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, why do you think the couple success rate is so low?

SC: I think it just has to do with the fact that when you’re taping the show for the 6-8 weeks, you are in a bubble. You can’t talk to any family or friends, you have no TV, no internet access, no phone, etc. Your sole focus 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, is that one person. So naturally, you fall for them a lot quicker than you would in the real world where you could go on a date with someone one night, then be out with someone else the next night. Once the final couple is back in the real world off the show, they pretty much realize they barely know that person at all, the dates aren’t extravagant anymore, and their “popularity” is infinitely increased, meaning they know even if it doesn’t work out with the person in the end, they’ll be plenty of other opportunities for them.

NEELY: Were there any couples over the years who you thought might actually make it but didn’t?

SC: I really haven’t cared enough to put any thought into who might make it and who wouldn’t. Once the season is over, to me and for my site, they pretty much become yesterday’s news and it’s on to the new season. For the “Bachelor” franchise, considering they are 0-for-15 (Jason never married the girl he chose in the end), I don’t ever expect that to change. The male lead on this show goes into this show knowing how popular he will become with women everywhere, regardless of who he picks, and he knows that. I think that’s why it’s never worked out. He’s out chasing more women once the break up eventually happens. I think women in the “Bachelorette” lead tend to take the process more seriously, which is why we’ve seen some “successes” (even though their hasn’t been a wedding yet), with Ali and Ashley. Those couples seem to stay together a tad longer, even if they don’t end up getting married. Meredith and Ian were together two years, Ali and Roberto have been going for over a year now, etc. Neely’s Note: Ali and Roberto are dunzo, as of a few weeks ago.

NEELY: Team Jake or Vienna?

SC: I really don’t like declaring which team I’m on, but I’ve definitely been outspoken against Jake for years now on how phony I think he is. And his constant appearances on reality TV only back what I’ve been saying since Day 1 about him.

NEELY: Do you believe at this point that most of the contestants go on just to get famous, etc., or do you really believe they are looking for love?

SC: ALL the contestants go on with ulterior motives. Whether it to be the next Melissa Rycroft from this franchise, promote their business, hoping to land a modeling job, appear in magazines, become more popular back home, etc. They all do it for exposure. And if they happen to fall in love, then that’s just a bonus. The show has become the #1 tabloid reality TV show by far, and all the contestants know that going in. They want to become part of this dysfunctional “family”, because they know that even if they don’t end up being the final one, they know that they can start getting with past contestants. The “family tree” of who’s hooked up with who in the “Bachelor/ette” franchise is beyond anyone’s comprehension.

NEELY: Over the years of reading and commenting about love/dating, etc., what’s your biggest advice to daters out there on finding love?

SC: Ha ha…well, being 36 and single myself, I’m probably the last guy people want dating advice from. I guess the best piece of advice I could give is don’t settle. Don’t be with someone just because you HAVE to have a significant other. You’ll never end up happy that way.

NEELY: Your favorite Bachelor of all time? Your favorite male contestant on The Bachelorette of all time?

SC: Since I don’t really know any of them personally, the most entertaining and realistic season to watch was Brad’s first season and Charlie O’Connell’s. Brad’s had the most realistic ending, and Charlie’s was completely different than any of the other 14 seasons in that they shot it in his hometown and never did any crazy, over-the-top dates.

Favorite male contestant? I can’t pick just one. I might get a phone call or two asking why I chose them over another.

NEELY: Your favorite Bachelorette of all time? Your favorite female contestant on The Bachelor of all time?

SC: I guess I liked Ali’s season the best because it was really the first time where they started traveling early on in the season.

Once again, impossible to answer. Might upset somebody.

NEELY: Thoughts on the current Bachelor – Ben Flajnik?

SC: I love how ABC is promoting him as this renaissance guy with all these different interests, when in reality, he’s no different than the rest of us. I mean, they already had his YouTube video removed after I posted it on my site called “Cream Dream” where he and a buddy made a video about, well, masturbating and wet dreams. Not to mention, once the guy was done filming Ashley’s season, he started “seeing” a former contestant from Brad’s season, plus, had a nice little fling with Jennifer Love Hewitt. So to pretend he’s this All American, genuine guy who co-owns a winery and is just looking for a wife, couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s just a guy’s guy who wants to play the field and loves what the attention the “Bachelor” will bring him and his winery. Nothing more, nothing less. Lets not make him something he isn’t.

NEELY: What are three things every woman should know about men?

SC:

1. We are the simplest creatures on the planet. We are not as hard to figure out as some might think.

2. We like food.

3. We like sex.

NEELY: What are three things you want to know about women?

SC:

1. What could you possibly be doing in the bathroom for an hour and half when you’re getting ready?

2. Why you constantly say “nothing,” when we ask if something is wrong, when clearly something is wrong, then get mad when we are unable to read your mind and figure out what it is on our own.

3. Why they love being with guys who treat them like shit.

NEELY: Are you still single and looking for love?

SC: Yes, I’m single. I’m looking, but, I’m not trying very hard. If it happens, it happens. I’ve never been one to force it. My best relationships have come when I was least expecting it.

The promotional ads for ABC’s new season of The Bachelor, featuring floppy-haired Ben Flajnik, have been in heavy rotation recently. The show premieres on January, 2.

Sgt. Brody (Damian Lewis) records a video confession of the crimes he's about to commit.

Obviously, for those who’ve NOT seen the conclusion to Homeland’s thrilling and trailblazing debut season, this is your SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS ABOUND IN THIS REVIEW FROM THIS POINT ON. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

In preparation for this review I scoured the interwebs for the published opinions of fellow critics, professional and—well, otherwise—and what I found was a disconnect. For the most part said “critics” rejoiced. “Homeland” had capped an ambitious first season with a satisfying and yet unsettling finale that answered many questions while inciting many other as I believe all good dramas will do. But then there were the “fans” who had armed themselves with torches and pitchforks ready to satiate their grave disappointment with virtual rioting. Their grievances seemed to center around “logic.” Words like “contrivances,” “deus ex machinas” and “gimmicks” were flung around the cyber food fight, as well as the stickier “failure” “let-down” and “awful.”

Apparently, a lot of quotation marks are needed to explain this message board disgust, huh?

Now I’m not sure if this makes me more “critic” minded, but I was able to forgive and not be phased by what these commenters deemed illogical, because of the emotional payoff. I was never pulled into this show because I felt it was a dead-on reenactment of a potential terrorist threat. I watched for the damaged characters, the moral ambiguity, and the palpable tension. Sure, in a lot of ways the events of the finale may appear merely coincidental. But this was not lazy writing by any stretch. Howard Gordon and Alex Gansa accomplished precisely what they had intended to do. They provided us with an unabashed glimpse into the sacrifices made by Americans fighting for their ideals. Whether those ideals include security, justice, family, or even revenge, they weren’t tackled cheaply. And maybe they had to take liberties in believability to attain these ends, but I did not feel manipulated because of this as an audience member. I felt lots of things watching this finale unfold, but I never felt lied to, because the characters were not betrayed in the slightest. The plot may have some logistical holes, and I will certainly address those, but I’m not sure you can argue that those maneuvers didn’t serve their purpose in providing some of the most compelling drama this year.

I couldn’t help, but think of Shakespeare when addressing these confounding concerns of the finale. Everyone has, at the very least, a working knowledge of Shakespeare. He’s considered one of the greatest storytellers, dramatists and writers of all time. He was also a HUGE fan of contrivance. Need I remind you of the many “inevitable” tragedies that were brought on by coincidence? If Romeo had received a letter he and his lover might have lived. Had Hamlet stopped talking to himself for just a second and avenged his father with a bit more haste, many people might have lived, including himself. Had Three Witches not messed around with Macbeth perception of his destiny he might not have become an uncontrollable murder and Scotland would be more pleasant. My point is that the man achieved extraordinary heights with his plays. The tragedies specifically were, and still are, poignant and astute observations of human flaw and the good and evil potentials within us that could lead to our own downfall. But he couldn’t have gotten there without a little help from his friends like “unfortunate timing,” and “miscommunications.” It was easily avoidable instances like these that made the deaths of our heroes and antiheroes all the more tragic. Now I would never argue that Homeland has established itself as being on par with The Bard, but I would contend that if like Shakespeare we may feel some of that tragic twinge, true to our characters’ natures, because of a few coincidences then I believe judgement should be reserved in those counts.

Now, maybe with those caveats aside, I can get to the good stuff.

This was quite possibly the sweatiest, shakiest, dizziest, throat gulping-ist 85 minutes I have ever experienced. I was afraid for everyone involved, and without any reprieve for that feeling until maybe 10 minutes after the credits. Though much of the novelty in the episode’s beginning was stripped due its reveal in last week’s previews, which showed a chunk of it, I was still transfixed by Brody’s recording. It immediately established a context with which to view Brody’s actions. Despite the unmistakeable terrorist motives Brody had accepted due to his friendship with Nazir, Brody still fashioned himself a Marine, a patriot. He was defending his country from “domestic enemies.” Maybe this speech was all smoke and mirrors, a way to convince not only his loved ones, but himself that he had made the right choice. But to see a man try and justify the atrocities he was to commit is chilling, and set the tone for a mad dash to save the nation and the tortured souls of Brody and Carrie.

Carrie begins the episode in a bedridden depression, “in the wake of her mania” as her sister-doctor diagnoses. Saul comforts her bedside, hoping to provide solace as the person he clearly cares for watching her life’s work slip from her grasp. Even she jokes about the days she called him “Mr. Berenson.” He recalls, “Back when I could piss in a straight line.” But quickly Carrie devolves into hysterics, Danes again provides exceptional range as she goes from calmed adult confidante to angst riddled teenager seeking fatherly guidance as to why the mean boy would hurt her. “Why did he do it,” in reference to Brody ratting her out to the CIA, is spoken with such equal parts bitterness and despair that as viewers we feel like Carrie’s mental illness is shedding her of the last layers that made her invulnerable and now she is exposed, naked in all of her insecurity and struggle to be right and righteous, possibly in that order. Patinkin of course supports like a champ, showing an almost equally devastating horror when he discovers she has fallen in love with Brody, a nightmarish scenario that further affirms her sickness and distances the current Carrie from the one that he backed all these years.

Brody’s daughter Dana (played by Morgan Saylor) is given a chance to shine as she becomes the catalyst for Brody’s regrets. Her suspicion seems to generate when he leads the “grace” at dinner and he recites a surprisingly touching dedication to God. Dana must not have remembered Dad being a devoted follower of Christ, so we aren’t surprised when she walks in on him later in the garage, on a hunch, and sees him bowing towards Mecca. Her Dad, cornered, admits to his conversion to Islam. He binds her to the promise of keeping it from Mom “since she wouldn’t understand,” but clearly that didn’t quell her concerns. This sets the stage for Dana to prevent him from hitting the switch, guilting him into realizing that he would be abandoning her and the family when they need him the most.

The next day, as Brody straps on his vest, Dana continues her sleuthing, expressing her gut feelings about attending the announcement (of VP Walden’s candidacy), citing the extensive security as a reason to avoid the risk. Maybe a part of her suspects he is about to do something, though she can’t bring herself to say it. Last week he told her at Gettysburg to take care of her mom “when he’s gone.” Her worries are not out of nowhere. But Brody gets in his limo nonetheless, heading to the announcement where Carrie has coerced Virgil to take her. As she is surveying the scene, trying to scope out any sign of Nazir’s master plan, Walker shoots down VP Walden’s political advisor, Elizabeth Gaines, and two other security personnel. Carrie sees this as a clear diversion to get all the political officials sequestered. But who would be a threat in that group? Brody. Carrie then calls Saul to explain her theory and he regretfully calls some agents over to contain her, hoping to save her from herself. Virgil delays them, and she darts off she heads for Brody’s home, grasping at straws thinking maybe someone from Brody’s family can get through to him.

Meanwhile, the sweatiest, shakiest TV episode of all time begins. Also what should clearly be Damian Lewis’ submission tape, if last week’s was Claire Danes’, for the Emmy. Finally alone with the VP, Brody becomes drenched in his reluctance. He breathes deeply, staggering, recalling Nazir’s words of encouragement. His face is both determined, and noncommittal. His fingers on the trigger are shaky and yet firm. He then grits his teeth and flicks the switch. And nothing happens. Clearly, this is one of the contrivances that has so angered the fan base, but for me it was the perfect illustration of tragic inevitability. Brody is committed to the idea, but ultimately this was not ever what he was meant to do. Brody has been a man without a country all season and even with Nazir in his ear reminding him of Issa’s cruel murder at the hands of VP Walden’s drone strike, fate would not allow him the chance to wipe that painful memory away so easily. So Brody ducks into the bathroom to try and reconfigure the vest while Carrie arrives at his abode.

When Dana answers the door, she is clearly frightened, but to some degree not shocked at what Carrie tries to convince her. Dad’s working with the terrorists and his friend, Tom Walker. She outwardly calls her nuts, and when Carrie hands her a phone to call her Dad with to talk him out of mass murder she only calls the police. Jess, her mom, arrives home and a domestic shitshow begins, ending with an almost Springer-worthy arrest of Carrie. Her attempts to save a nation have been thwarted, due in large part to her own indiscretion. If she hadn’t betrayed Jess’ trust by sleeping with Brody, would she have come off less nuts, and the information more credible CIA intelligence? Regardless, Carrie planted enough of a seed to stir Dana. Dana ends up calling the secret service number and getting through to her Dad, just as he’s about to flick the switch of the newly reconfigured vest. Again, I understand the extreme suspensions of disbelief that must occur to accept the timing of this scene, but the ensuing conversation where his daughter sweetly strong-arms him into promising he will return home safe is both pulse-pounding, and earnestly tear-jerking. She’s the obvious reminder that no matter what justice he tries to accomplish the family he loves will be left alone, without his love and compassion, the quality that has fueled his entire justifications to follow Nazir, their mutual sympathies for the innocent as victims of war.

And just when you thought the season would end happily, with America still standing and the Brody family intact as well, we are thrust into the developments that will keep the wheels turning for next season. When Brody returns to the spot he hid his confession video, he finds the memory card is not where he left it. As a result, he goes to visit Tom Walker. Walker points a gun to his head, distraught that he didn’t complete his objective. He entraps Brody by having Nazir there listening, on the phone. Brody begs for forgiveness explaining that his vest malfunctioned, and attempts to convince that this grants him a new opportunity to get close to the VP as a Congressman. He can enact change in policy and influence the man. Nazir quips,”Why kill a man, when you can kill an idea?” And suddenly Brody regains his favor, but not so fast. He has to show his dedication by eliminating a “wild-card.” He then hands the phone to Walker and shoots him in the face. Brody’s soul is not entirely saved, as he is still under the  service of Nazir, for now.

As for Carrie? She’s bailed out of jail by her sister, and confronted by Brody in the parking lot, again. He asserts that she must believe that he isn’t a terrorist, and that it is imperative she stay away from his family. She obliges, somewhat hesitantly as she knows she doesn’t want to admit defeat. She sobs uncontrollably afterwards, crawling like she’s weak in the backseat, and she decides to be rushed to the hospital. Why? Because she needs to forget Brody AND finally confront her bipolar if she wants a shred of her dignity and a shot in hell at returning to the work she was meant to do. How? Shock therapy. Saul tries to talk her down in another brilliantly acted scene where he reveals the digging he has been doing in the background of the episode. He not only proved Carrie’s theory that Nazir was mourning during his “yellow period” but he uncovered the VP’s attempts to hide the “collateral damage” of the 82 children murdered int the drone strike. Carrie is grateful for his discovery as Saul has once again proved his steadfast loyalty. She asks who Nazir was mourning and he tells her that it was his youngest, Issa. Despite the evidence she wasn’t all wrong, her mind is made up though.

As Carrie is flattened on the slab, being pumped with anesthesia, she remembers the beautiful times with Brody, the tenderness, the real connection, and then she remembers him screaming “Issa” in his sleep. She puts two and two together. Brody was with Nazir then, he saw Issa murdered in the drone strike. That’s how he was turned. And just at the precise moment she could unveil to all why she was right about EVERYTHING she goes under and they begin the shocks that will probably deprive of her that memory, and her triumph. Seeing those electrodes pump the charge through her was like watching all the pain she’d endured to save her country run through again, while her path the truth was slowly being released from her body, and all we could do was sit back and watch her chances at internal peace slip into the ether. Carrie is obviously an unstable person, in need of medical attention, but to subject herself to this horrid invasion of her valuable mind is heartbreaking to say the least. The season ends on the somber note we expected and yet leaves us hoping that there is redemption for both Brody and Carrie somewhere down the line…

There’s no doubt this finale had a lot of expectation attached to it. Not only had the episodes before it set the bar in terms of what it could achieve in terms of suspenseful storytelling, but the writers had to justify a second season. The whole series was predicated on Carrie’s chase of Brody, whether he was a terrorist or not, and what (if anything) he was going to do? And with all that in mind they had to bring the season to an honest to goodness conclusion without providing unnecessary cliffhangers to bridge into season 2. With that in mind, I believe the writers exceeded expectations. I’m glad they went the difficult route of not having Brody die by flipping the switch. Did I want Brody to cause a catastrophic meltdown of the U.S government? No. What I wanted was a relief. For most of the episode the sense of impending doom choked me gently, but relentlessly, and just when I thought the vest-bomb was about to blow away my suffocation, “Homeland” prolonged it, twice. Were the ways in which they manufactured that tension perhaps slightly “contrived” as some fans have described? Yes. But was it what needed to happen for these characters? Absolutely.

So while I can recognize these chinks in what seemed like the impenetrable armor of “Homeland’s” labyrinth thriller, I don’t believe the train derailed. I think it veered off onto a different track while maintaining the course of a show that at its foundation has made us consider America’s War On Terror in a critical way, has given us the opportunity to explore characters with a great deal of instabilities that at any moment can be further destroyed even when redemption is in sight, and it has provided us with painfully rendered performances that pulled no punches in confronting the uncomfortable position we hold ourselves in as observers in a time of ideological battles being waged all around us, whether we admit it or not. For this reason, I’m embracing the superficial imperfections in Gordon and Gansa’s storytelling and instead commending my newest TV lovely for wrapping a spectacular first season with the same gall and artistry it started with. It’s unflinching focus on the bleakest of human confrontations—what they choose to believe vs. who they want to be—is as admirable an aspiration as any I’ve seen in dramatic television. I salute “Marine One” specifically for its commitment to character revelations over plot-based intrigue by awarding the show’s staff soldiers with an A.

Nominees for the Golden Globes were announced on Thursday. The 69th award ceremony will take place on January 15.

Best Motion Picture – Drama

• The Descendants – Ad Hominem Enterprises; Fox Searchlight Pictures
• The Help – DreamWorks Pictures, Participant Media; Touchstone Pictures
• Hugo – Paramount Pictures presents a GK Films Production; Paramount Pictures
• The Ides of March – Columbia Pictures, Cross Creek Pictures, Exclusive Media Group, Crystal City Entertainment; Sony Pictures
• Moneyball – Columbia Pictures; Sony Pictures Releasing International
• War Horse – DreamWorks Pictures; Touchstone Pictures

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

• Glenn Close – Albert Nobbs
• Viola Davis – The Help
• Rooney Mara – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Meryl Streep – Iron Lady
• Tilda Swinton – We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

• George Clooney – The Descendants
• Leonardo DiCaprio – J. Edgar
• Michael Fassbender – Shame
• Ryan Gosling – The Ides of March
• Brad Pitt – Moneyball

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

• 50/50 – Summit Entertainment and Mandate Pictures; Summit Entertainment
• The Artist – a La Petite Reine-Studio 37-La Classe Americaine-JD Prod-France3 Cinema-Jouror Production-uFilms coproduction-The Weinstein Company
• Bridesmaids – Universal Pictures, Relativity Media, Apatow Productions; Universal Pictures
• Midnight in Paris – A Mediapro, Versatil Cinema & Gravier Production; Sony Pictures Classics
• My Week with Marilyn – The Weinstein Company; The Weinstein Company

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

• Jodie Foster – Carnage
• Charlize Theron – Young Adult
• Kristen Wiig – Bridesmaids
• Michelle Williams – My Week With Marilyn
• Kate Winslet – Carnage

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

• Jean Dujardin – The Artist
• Brendan Gleeson – The Guard
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt – 50/50
• Ryan Gosling – Crazy, Stupid, Love.
• Owen Wilson – Midnight in Paris

Best Animated Feature Film

• The Adventures of Tintin – Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/ Hemisphere Capital/Amblin Entertainment/Wingnut Films Production/ Kennedy/Marshall Production A Steven Spielberg Film; Paramount Pictures and Columbia Pictures
• Arthur Christmas – Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Animation; Sony Pictures Releasing International
• Cars 2 – Walt Disney Pictures, Pixar Animation Studios; Walt Disney Pictures
• Puss In Boots – DreamWorks Animation; Paramount Pictures
• Rango – Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies present A Blind Wink / GK Films Production;  Paramount Pictures

Best Foreign Language Film

• The Flowers of War (China) – (Jing Ling Shi San Chai) New Pictures Film Company; Wrekin Hill Entertainment
• In the Land of Blood and Honey (United States) – GK Films; FilmDistrict
• The Kid with a Bike (Belgium) – (Le Gamin au Velo) Les Films du Fleuve; Sundance Selects
• A Separation (Iran) – (Jodaeiye Nader az Simin) Asghar Farhadi; Sony Pictures Classics
• The Skin I Live In (Spain) – (La piel que habito) El Deseo D.A., S.L.U.; Sony Pictures Classics

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

• Berenice Bejo – The Artist
• Jessica Chastain – The Help
• Janet McTeer – Albert Nobbs
• Octavia Spencer – The Help
• Shailene Woodley – The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

• Kenneth Branagh – My Week With Marilyn
• Albert Brooks – Drive
• Jonah Hill – Moneyball
• Viggo Mortensen – A Dangerous Method
• Christopher Plummer – Beginners

Best Director – Motion Picture

• Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris
• George Clooney – The Ides of March
• Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist
• Alexander Payne – The Descendants
• Martin Scorsese – Hugo

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

• Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist
• Nat Faxon, Alexander Payne, Jim Rash – The Descendants
• George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon – The Ides of March
• Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris
• Aaron Sorkin, Steven Zaillian – Moneyball

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

• Ludovic Bource – The Artist
• Abel Korzeniowski – W.E.
• Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Howard Shore – Hugo
• John Williams – War Horse

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

• “Hello Hello” – Gnomeo & Juliet (Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin)
• “Keeper, The” – Machine Gun Preacher (Music and Lyrics by Chris Cornell)
• “Lay Your Head Down” – Albert Nobbs (Music by Brian Byrne, Lyrics by Glenn Close)
• “Living Proof, The” – The Help (Music by Thomas Newman, Mary J. Blige and Harvey Mason, Jr., Lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason, Jr. and Damon Thomas)
• “Masterpiece” – W.E. (Music and Lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost and Jimmy Harry)

Best Television Series – Drama

• American Horror Story (FX) – Twentieth Century Fox Television
• Boardwalk Empire (HBO) – Leverage, Closest to the Hole Productions, Sikelia Productions and Cold Front Productions, HBO Entertainment
• Boss (STARZ) – Lionsgate Television in association with Grammnet NH Productions, Roya Productions and Old Friends Productions
• Game of Thrones (HBO) – Bighead, Littlehead, 360 Television, Grok and Generator Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
• Homeland (SHOWTIME) – SHOWTIME Presents, Teakwood Lane Productions, Cherry Pie Productions, Keshet, Fox 21

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama

• Claire Danes – Homeland (SHOWTIME)
• Mireille Enos – The Killing
• Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife (CBS)
• Madeleine Stowe – Revenge
• Callie Thorne – Necessary Roughness

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama

• Steve Buscemi – Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
• Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad
• Kelsey Grammer – Boss (STARZ)
• Jeremy Irons – The Borgias
• Damian Lewis – Homeland (SHOWTIME)

Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical

• Enlightened (HBO) – Ripcord Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
• Episodes (SHOWTIME) – SHOWTIME Presents, Hat Trick Productions, Crane Karik Productions
• Glee (FOX) – Ryan Murphy Television, Twentieth Century Fox Television
• Modern Family (ABC) – Twentieth Century Fox Television
• New Girl (FOX) – Chernin Entertainment in association with Twentieth Century Fox Television

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical

• Laura Dern – Enlightened (HBO)
• Zooey Deschanel – New Girl (FOX)
• Tina Fey – 30 Rock (NBC)
• Laura Linney – The Big C (SHOWTIME)
• Amy Poehler – Parks and Recreation

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Comedy or Musical

• Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock (NBC)
• David Duchovny – Californication (SHOWTIME)
• Johnny Galecki – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
• Thomas Jane – Hung (HBO)
• Matt LeBlanc – Episodes (SHOWTIME) 

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

• Cinema Verite (HBO) – A Pariah Production in association with HBO Films
• Downton Abbey (Masterpiece) – A Carnival/Masterpiece Co-production
• The Hour (BBC AMERIC) – Kudo Film and Television/BBC America co-production
• Mildred Pierce (HBO) – A Killer Films/John Wells Production in association with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and HBO Miniseries
• Too Big to Fail (HBO) – A Spring Creek and a Deuce Three Production in association with HBO Films

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television

• Romola Garai – The Hour (BBC AMERIC)
• Diane Lane – Cinema Verite (HBO)
• Elizabeth McGovern – Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
• Emily Watston – Appropriate Adult
• Kate Winslet – Mildred Pierce (HBO)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television

• Hugh Bonneville – Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
• Idris Elba – Luther
• William Hurt – Too Big to Fail (HBO)
• Bill Nighy – Page Eight (Masterpiece)
• Dominic West – The Hour (BBC AMERIC)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

• Jessica Lange – American Horror Story (FX)
• Kelly MacDonald – Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
• Maggie Smith – Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
• Sofia Vergara – Modern Family (ABC)
• Evan Rachel Wood – Mildred Pierce (HBO)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

• Peter Dinklage – Game of Thrones (HBO)
• Paul Giamatti – Too Big to Fail (HBO)
• Guy Pearce – Mildred Pierce (HBO)
• Tim Robbins – Cinema Verite (HBO)
• Eric Stonestreet – Modern Family (ABC)

The new special “Geek Love” will premiere on TLC Sunday, December 18 at 9 p.m. Two half-hour specials will air one after the other as the “Geek Doctor of Love,” Ryan Glitch, organizes for geeks to gather at various conventions. The special will  highlight Sci-Fi dating as well as a geek, subculture of characters.

The three "Biggest Loser" finalists: John, Antone and Ramon (left to right).

Last night, NBC’s weight-loss phenomenon, “The Biggest Loser,” crowned its Season 12 champion. After another round of will-testing workouts, cutthroat eliminations, and enough human drama to make your head explode, only one man (this is the first final weigh-in consisting of all males) will stand upon the notorious scale as the victor.

The three finalists, Ramon, Antone and John, all had compelling stories.

Ramon was diagnosed on diabetes when he first came to the ranch, and after that dedicated himself to restoring his life. Ramon also got a neat subplot in that he fell in love with another contestant, Jessica, adding yet more motivation to his lifestyle change.

Antone is a former NFL offensive lineman who had let himself go after leaving the game and was looking to rediscover the athlete within.

And John might well have been the one who wanted the crown most. In the words of host Alison Sweeny (a.k.a Sami Brady on “Days of Our Lives”) “No one has ever wanted this as bad as John.” John said himself, “I didn’t come to do anything, but win.” John proved his commitment mid-season when he became the quickest to lose 100 lbs in “Biggest Loser” history.

With three months between their last weigh-in and the awards ceremony, the three finalists sized each other up hoping that in their time off the ranch they had worked just that little bit to become the man with the highest weight loss percentage.

And the winner of $250,000…with a weight loss percentage of nearly half his body weight…49.44 percent, The Biggest Loser isssssssssss

JOHN! Total weight loss: 220 lbs, starting at 445 lbs and ending at a cool 225 lbs.

So the man who was the hungriest, ends up shedding the most fat. Isn’t that some irony for ya?

Antone came in second place with a weight-loss percentage of 45.19 percent, having started at 447 lbs and finishing at 245 lbs. Ramon came in third with 43.38 percent. Coming in as the smallest out the three at 355 lbs, Ramon also finished the slimmest at 201 lbs. Also, on an inspiring side note, Ramon no longer has diabetes.

Also before the final prize, Biggest Loser handed out the consolation prize of $100,000 to the eliminated contestant who had lost the highest percentage of weight, including what they lost off “the ranch.”

The winner was Jennifer, who beat nearly edged out Vinny, losing just three more pounds than she needed to pass his total percentage lost.

Congrats to all the contestants who clearly have made tremendous strides in not only weight-loss, but in building healthier lifestyles. All involved seem considerably happier with their new-found self-confidence and work ethic and I wish all of the “Losers” the best for the future.

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) "dressed" as Sexy Santa for his office party.

Although this show may have been billed as the adorkability train that Zooey Deschanel would hitch a ride to on her way to TV stardom, by my measure, this show succeeds when her three guy roommates are bearing the comedic load. Jess is best when she is a motivating force for these men in her life, and when she provides us the opportunity to delve into her “rainbows and unicorns” outlook and see the darkness beneath it. To me this is the perfect balance of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ishness (coined by Nathan Rabin as a term to describe generically quirky girls whose purpose is to teach brooding young men to embrace life) that is undoubtedly appealing in Deschanel, and the needed depth to establish her own dimensions and pursuit of happiness outside the guys she enchants.

Clearly from the pilot, these three have become taken with Jess and all episodes have wrapped with them collaborating to lift her spirits because she has so clearly refreshed theirs. “The 23rd” is no exception, concluding with the gang yelling for the neighbors to turn on all their lights to make the holiday joyous again. There is nothing inherently wrong with this premise, just the formulaic way in which it’s manifesting week-to-week. Straight males, justifiably, are often shaped by the women that enter their lives, but it is important for both Jess and Nick, Winston and Schmidt to define themselves as individuals within the show.

Fortunately, for at least Winston and Schmidt we get some of that definition. Schmidt, clearly and continually is my favorite character, and this episode only affirmed that. The humor he embodies is the most clearly defined, and for a character that is so often pegged as a douchebag he is the most endearing of the guys at this point. This week he is coerced yet again to play the role of sex object at the office Christmas party. He apparently always consents to the job, rationalizing it by saying no one else will do it since he’s the only guy. But this constant exploitation clearly bothers him, and despite his evident obsession with his appearance he wants to be fully recognized as a competent employee. And while the precarious situation of his female coworkers of fetishizing him for various holidays was hilarious (Sexy Easter Bunny, Cinco de Sexy, Sexy Martin Luther King Jr. Day) I was mostly glad to see my guy stand up for himself and prove to me what should have been obvious. He is not just a pretty face and a hot body. Though when Cece tells him this directly he focuses on her admission that he has a hot body first. Schmidt hopefully will continue to reveal his less superficial desires while still delighting us with his propensity to slip into douchebaggery.

Winston may have gotten the least airtime, much to my chagrin, but he too got a solid development. Arriving at Schmidt’s business party in a blazer with shirt and tie beneath, Winston announces his intention to use this affair as a networking opportunity. He harbors intense anxiety about not having a job and though post-recession Americans can certainly relate we get the sense that he takes this unemployment as more of a hit to his ego than his wallet. Though initially he doesn’t seem to be actively searching more than he is socializing, he stumbles upon a pint-sized opportunity: the son of Schmidt’s boss, Gina.

They hit it off, contrary to his mom’s assumptions that he doesn’t like people. Pretty soon, Winston and the kid are fist-bumping and laughing. Then later when he believes that Schmidt has killed Santa (he does vaguely decree that ‘Santa is dead’) Winston finds him promptly, and the kid affectionately calls him “Lebron.” The nickname is bittersweet (a reminder of the basketball star he couldn’t be..and maybe a bit racist), but because he has become so taken with the kid he obliges. Gina then offers him a job to look after her son, claiming that whatever figure is in his head she will top. I hope we continue to see Winston, “The Child Whisperer.” It’s an unexpected trait, and gives needed depth to the guy who in episodes prior was mostly categorized for not being in Latvia playing ball anymore and being ultra-competitive.

And the A-plot is between Nick, Jess and Paul (Justin Long) and it involves a considerable amount of discomfort. Some funny, some just uncomfortable. First, Paul and Jess exchange gifts and both miscalculate in different ways. Jess goes for the gag, A plush, anatomically correct heart of a 50 year-old non-smoker. Awesome in that it exists and lame for the same reason. Paul doesn’t seem to feign appreciation, and seems genuinely delighted by the gift. He himself miscalculates his gift too by buying two tickets to Vienna to see the Salzberg Music Festival. Again, awesome intrinsically, but weird since they have only been going out for a month. Then Paul further complicates the holiday by saying the most loaded trio of words, “I love you.” Unsure about her reciprocity of that feeling she simply replies, “Thank you.” Jess is reasonably dismayed, and foreign to this inability to return the favor, “I’m the one who loves more. That’s my thing.”

I had no problem buying into that complication because the idea of one partner loving the other more intensely, early in the relationship, is common, and sometimes it’s too much of a burden for the lesser loving half to take. What I disliked was the incorporation of Nick. Early on, Nick was a man torn up about his ex, needing to step back into the world of the living after his grief cut him off. Now, that he has begun to heal though, it seems like his life revolves solely around Jess. Psychologically it makes sense for him to latch onto someone else for him to share his affections with, but because the writers are playing coy, he’s acting indifferent to Jess’ romantic endeavors or loudly opposing involvement. So when he accidentally shares with Paul that Jess doesn’t love him back before she got the chance to break the news, I wasn’t surprised one bit. Nor was I surprised when he mistakenly locked himself onto the balcony with the bickering couple.

For one, it is a trick as old as sitcoms in order for some truths to be divulged, but instead we just get Nick writhing at the door whining “This is my nightmare,” and contributing to the conversation with unwelcome judgments of Paul’s reaction. The funniest instance to stem from the scene is when Nick’s phone rings and it’s his mom, worried he will miss his flight home for the holidays for the fourth year in a row! Then the invisible mom accuses him of being high and he retorts that he is done with that phase! I’m a sucker for one-sided phone calls though, classic.

While none of this episode struck me as unfunny or detrimental to the show, the Jess, Nick, Paul triangle felt tired and not the freshest use for Nick. I was encouraged when Jess admitted her lack of love for Paul might be a result of not wanted to be hurt again, but by making Nick be the wedge between them, it cheapened the honesty behind the breakup. And by introducing advancements for both Winston and Schmidt it became quite the functional episode. Jess shed some holiday weight (sorry Justin Long) and provided us more substance to care for besides the four roommates as a collective. Winston has someone to watch over, and Cece and Schmidt are inching closer to the conclusion that they just might be what the other is looking for.

Nick remains the only one without purpose moving forward. At episode’s end he did turn his car around (missing his plane yet again and designating Winston to be the one to apologize on his behalf) to cheer Jess up with “Candy Cane Lane,” a street with a gluttonous appreciation for Christmas lights, but as mentioned, this is Nick only in relation to Jess. He used to be someone without much belief in himself, someone who was still heartbroken, a man who saw the world through jaded and sarcastic glasses, now he is just the guy who won;t admit he’s pining for Jess, and I want more for him. However, for adding some sophistication to 2 out of 3 dude roomies, as well as injecting sophomoric humor into the holiday spirit, I can forgive Nick’s lack of progression to cheer about and the wintery cold way in which Justin Long’s Paul was discarded in order to aid Jess’ own emotional development. “B” merry, New Girl fans!

L.O.L.Ls: Laugh Out Loud Lines:

- “Hey, a blow-up menorah.” “Yeah, Judaism son!”

- “I had thirteen years of figure-skating lessons before my mom sobered up and found out I was a boy.”

- Schmidt describing the perfume he made for Cece, “It has cocoa for your brown—ness, sea salt because it sounds like Cece, and sandalwood ’cause you up to no good!”

- “What are you doing?” “I’m eating cookie in the bathroom and avoiding confrontation.”

- “She said the sex is amazing, but she doesn’t wanna jump into anything…why am I talking?”

- Schmidt commenting on his Sexy Martin Luther King Jr character, “I could never get the voice right…”

- “The shirtless man killed Santa. Is it ’cause he’s a d-bag. My mommy says he’s a d-bag.”

Jason Priestley as Clive, attempting to befriend Shawn and Juliet for criminal purposes on tomorrow's "Psych"

Anyone who was alive during the 90s will likely remember Jason Priestley by a different name, Brandon Walsh from “Beverly Hills 90210.” Despite the continued adoration of the fans he gained almost two decades ago, Jason is adamant about moving on. When asked about any possible “90210″ references during a call-in interview he insisted, “That project is so quickly disappearing in the rear-view mirror of my life, I tend not to — I tend to reference that as infrequently as possible.”

So what is the old teen heartthrob up to now? Well, tomorrow night on USA Network, Priestly will portray a conman named Clive whom Shawn and Juliet will have to apprehend when Clive and his lady partner-in crime  (played by Jennifer Finnigan) raid the couple’s hotel room while they’re on their vacation.

Priestley spoke a lot about what a blast it was to shoot “Neil Simon’s Lovers Retreat.”

“It’s funny when you get to be an actor of my age and having been around this business for so long, you know, when I walk on sets like when I walked on the set of Psych, I knew pretty much everybody on the set. It was strange,” he said.

This sense of fun and rapport shows through the episode as the chemistry shines between Priestley and Psych star, James Roday.

I told Priestley that he certainly held his own in the humor department, especially in during the “cake sharing scene,” he and Roday shared. I characterized the scene as a “quite the bromance.” His response? “Oh, you know, yes, we did. We had a little thing going on. You know, don’t judge us. Don’t judge us, man.”

Most Americans might think that this guest spot is Jason’s first TV appearance in a while, but since the end of a certain teen drama which will remain nameless, Priestley has been acting or directing constantly. In fact, on HBO Canada (his homeland) he plays the lead in the award-winning drama, “Call Me Fitz,” about a morally bankrupt car-salesman who has is forced to confront his conscience. “I’m hyper critical of everything I’ve ever worked on, but I’m very, very proud of the work we do on ‘Call Me Fitz.’ I think that’s a fantastic show.” Jason also wanted me to assure any one who is interested that you can find “Call Me Fitz” on iTunes and Netflix.

So what’s he working on now? “Well, you know, we just finished shooting our third season of Fitz and I just got back here to LA literally a week ago, so I just got back here. And it’s, you know, it’s the holidays now. And I’m going skiing on the weekend, so I’m, you know, I’ll figure it out when the holidays are over.” And Jason is the father of a 4 year-old and a 2 year-old, so you can’t blame a dad for wanting to take a break from his career to enjoy the tikes. And audiences can certainly enjoy the fruits of his labor tomorrow night when Jason portrays, Clive, half of a charming couple hellbent on conning innocent folks for all their worldly possessions. And even Shawn and Juliet aren’t immune!

So check out a charismatic and witty Jason Priestley on “Psych” at 10 p.m. on USA!

Emma (Jennifer Morrison) looking shocked after Sheriff Graham (Jamie Dornan) almost hits her with a dart trying to get her attention.

I’m starting to wonder if this is how Kitsis and Horowotz pitched “OUAT” to ABC execs:

“Hey millionaires! So remember LOST? Yeah, that sci-fi mystery show that got you awards and viewers all at the same time? Well, picture this in those money-grubbing noggins of yours…we take the most infuriating elements of that show, the endless barrage of questions with no answers in sight, and instead of a magical island we have a world where fairy tales are real!”

The execs respond: “It’s gold! With Disney as our parent company we will have no problem gathering the licenses for a treasure trove of characters people already know and love. They will be falling over themselves to watch the old, familiar stories while sticking around hoping that there will be some sort of new development, but there will be practically none!” (Maniacal laugh)

No, but seriously, would you be surprised if that was true? Several times we get vague references to what Snow White did to the Queen to elicit her vengeful spirit, but we still don’t know what that is. The show has been dangling this mystery for 5 weeks now, and every time it’s referenced I thank that spot in the ceiling I stare at and call God that I won’t have to agonize anymore, and then those strumpets at the OUAT writing team tease me yet again! Wicked temptresses, for God’s sake just tell me what Snow White did to her! Twice this week you awkwardly addressed that hideous elephant and nothing! The huntsman asks the Evil Queen directly, “Why do you want her killed so badly, what could she have done to deserve your revenge?” I practically shoved my ear into the TV so I wouldn’t miss a word, but all that witch could say is, “I told her a secret, and she couldn’t keep it.” UGH. Yeah, because that’s something. Oh wait, except it’s not! What kind of answer is that? Did she spread a rumor that you have an STD?

Seriously, that just multiplies the possibilities. Before last night, Snow White had owned up to her crimes and the Evil Queen divulged that her life was ruined thanks to Snow, and that is why she deserves to be cursed, and honestly I would have been okay of they just said how right then and there. Let’s pretend for a second that I would watch this show if I wasn’t obligated. Well, I’m not tuning in to figure out if Snow White really deserves to be cursed. Sure, I would be intrigued if cute-as-a-button Ginnifer Goodwin had a dark streak to her, but that would only be a small facet of my overall intrigue. What I’m dying to know, is will these people ever go back to Fairy-Tale Land, or will the real world become their Happily-Ever-After. Their constant cloudiness over this motivation to enact the curse is a pretty insignificant lynchpin, and clearly a ploy to make us care about the show’s season-long arc. For me it is accomplishing the opposite. If the thing that sticks out most about an episode of television is what I didn’t get out, that’s an ominous sign: a foreshadowing that the show has no goddamn clue where it’s headed.

Thankfully, it wasn’t all stalling tactics and we had both our first major character death and the first recognition of their previous life. Once again stealing from the pages of LOST lore, Sheriff Graham (a.k.a The Huntsman in FTL, Fairy-Tale Land) gets his first flashes of his bow and arrow slinging past when he kisses Emma because he “needs to feel something.” This theme of the vulnerability of feelings would be shoved in to as much dialogue as humanly possible, but all the same it worked for me, primarily because of how the actors were allowed to play with the “walls” we put up to avoid pain. Jennifer Morrison and Ginnifer Goodwin steal the show as always with their dynamic, as Mary Margaret starts to reveal her maternal tendencies (her alter ego Snow White is mother to Morrison’s Emma) as she cautions Emma about the pitfalls of emotional barriers: “Those walls may not let in pain, but they also don’t let in love.” It’s simplistic, and something we all encounter when we figure out too late we’ve fallen to hard for someone, but it felt sincere and Morrison played it with the same sharp-tongued skepticism, with just a dash of optimism. Maybe she is willing to share her heart with the Sheriff, but just needs a little insurance so that she won’t get crushed.

For this week’s fairyback we meet said Sheriff’s FTL persona, The Huntsman. I was captivated by this tortured killing machine who was raised by wolves, but was slightly confused as to why a man who cries after his kills (which evokes for me the ritualistic respect Native Americans would give their prey) would make a perfect assassin for the Evil Queen. Regardless, he takes the job and leads Snow into the woods disguised as a knight. She calls his bluff though, pointing out his lack of condolences given for the death of her father. He chases her through the woods for a bit, and predictably corners her. He’s puzzled that she has stopped to write a letter, and Snow asks him to deliver it to the Queen along with her heart. Oh, yeah, one badass detail I totally dug was that the Queen collects the hearts of her victims. Sweeeeeet.

When the Huntsman reads the letter of forgiveness and remorse he’s understandably touched, and he spares her. He tries to dodge the consequences initially by giving his boss the heart of a stag, but she is not easily fooled. In her rage she rips his heart out with her bare hands (also pretty badass) and stores it in a chest on her wall of fame for hearts, I guess. From then on, he is without feeling and is bound to her as a sex slave. Gotta say the kinkiness and gore was a pleasant surprise as the fairybacks continue, IMO, to be the freshest and most thrilling part of the show. The continued subversion of the typical happy endings indicates to me that the show could delve deeper and become an honest examination of how fairy tales aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Here’s hoping.

Back in the less intriguing real world, Sheriff Graham has a vivid dream about a wolf while in bed with Regina (Evil Queen), still “trying to feel something.” And felt something he did indeed. Haha, oh sex humor. Anyways, the same wolf of his dreams appears to him in the streets and he starts to question what in the hell is happening? In his flash with Emma he saw himself lifting a knife up to stab someone who looked like Mary Margaret. He visits her, and we learn that no one seems to remember how they met each other in Storybrooke (more evidence of the curse), but otherwise she has no answers, but when he brings up past lives she directs him to Henry. Goddammit. Just when I thought it was going to be a Henry-free week. Much to the show’s credit though, we have been seeing less of him. Henry then shares The Huntsman’s story since that aligns with his flashes, and the Sheriff decides to follow the wolf as it must be his guide to the truth.

Along the way he runs into Emma, and together they inspect the forest the wolf leads them into, where they eventually end up at a large tomb. Inside, the Sheriff frantically looks for the heart that he’s convinced he doesn’t have. What else would explain the meaningless sex he’s having with Regina? I think it may have more to do with his penis than his heart, but that’s just me. Suddenly, Regina appears and is all like, “Why you snooping around my dad’s casket?” Then a sorta awesome, and much needed fistfight ensues between Emma and Regina, where Emma totally makes her bleed and Sheriff Graham tells her off claiming that it isn’t his heartlessness that’s the problem…the problem is her! GASP! When Regina tries to deflect the blame on Emma, she reminds Madame Mayor that Henry too ran away, and that maybe she needs to take a look in the mirror (HA!) and ask herself why everyone is leaving her. So what does Regina do? Oh….you know, what anyone would typically do in that scenario…climb down into the secret passageway under her dad’s casket, pull out the Sheriff’s heart and squish it into dust in her menacing grip. You know, the usual.

Though the act is cartoonish, but epic, the episode ends on a heartbreaking note as Emma finally does let love in. They share a romantic kiss and the electricity of it restores all of his past memories (again, just like the flash-sideways in LOST, where love and relationships triggered everyone’s memories), but immediately after telling Emma that he remembers he falls to his knees, dying instantly. The Regina death grip knows no mercy.

Yes, there is the emotional payoff and Morrison gets to show off her “heaving sobs while holding a dead body” chops, but it completely nullifies any advancement the episode made. The one guy who could prove that Henry was right dies as soon as he could provide that evidence. Again, if it wasn’t for the performances surrounding it all, the viewing experience would have been for nothing as we as well as the people of Storybrooke are none the wiser. Although, Emma certainly learned to not mix work and pleasure ever again, huh?

“OUAT” can both pride itself, and be ashamed for its consistency. All of the things I appreciate or even genuinely like are in full effect, but the gimmicky annoyances are always in rare form. So, for pulling my heartstrings in the Sheriff’s death (props to Jamie Dornan for going out with a bang despite little airtime to build up sympathy) and not compromising the darker sides of FTL, I tip my cap. But “Heart Is A Lonely Hunter” also dragged out needless mysteries, butchered a could-have-been thoughtful venture into vulnerability with repetitive, unsubtle dialogue, and shot the series in the foot by offing the guy who could have swung the momentum. This week’s OUAT is stag-nant (hehe, horse humor) and spurned by love again with a C+.

Carrie (Claire Danes) and Saul (Mandy Patinkin) consult the color-coded timeline for clues about what Al-Qaeda leader, Abu Nazir, is planning for his next attack on U.S soil.

Excuse me for a moment before I begin.

HOLY F#@%!!!!!!!!

Sorry, all better now. But in all seriousness, that was my reaction to both the episode, and the preview that Showtime played during the credits. WOW! Where to begin? First off, for those who find spoilers to be among the scummiest of substances known to man here is your fair warning: SPOLER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t wish to hear about the preview of next week’s season finale then SERIOUSLY, GET OUT!

Okay. I was absolutely riveted. My mouth was agape for the duration, but I may have stopped breathing when we got the viewfinder perspective of Brody filming his last message to the people of the United States, before he is about to execute his suicide mission. (NO MORE SPOILERS, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW) Obviously, the credit goes stylistically to the editing team that put that bit together, but no shortage of admiration goes to Damian Lewis, the MVP of dramatic TV this fall. He has seduced me like a tender lover with his ability to balance his all-American Marine/Dad persona with his jihadist sympathies so effortlessly. That “video clip,” encapsulated that season long elegance for me. Never have I rooted for someone, and despised them so equally.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to see America go down in flames, but much like Heath Ledger did with his legendary turn as The Joker, he has forced me to feel for me. I don’t condone his actions at all, I don’t wish him success in his plans to cause mass destruction, but I can shamelessly admit that I hope he finds some kind of inner peace. Lessening the body count would be nice, but if “Homeland” has emphasized anything, it has been the effect war has on all sides psychologically, and no matter who you pray to, or swear allegiance to, damage is damage, and we all are just trying to find some solace and recovery amidst a growing fear that maybe that won’t be possible.

Now for the state of current affairs. From the opening scene there was this running idea of precision vs. mania. Like a chess game played by jazz musicians, the pieces are being set up for a rousing endgame, but not without some improvisations, and unexpected diversions. The sequence with the bomb maker to set things off was awesome. Not that I was wondering how to make manufacture my own bomb vest (please don’t flag me U.S government), but it was a chilling way to ease us into the idea that while we were gone (the episode skips over Carrie’s week of recovery) more plans were being put in motion. I immediately caught on that it was for Brody, and that didn’t bother me because the show wasn’t shy about it, nor does it have to be with the question still remaining, “How will this factor into the bigger picture?”

After establishing the precision, we get the literal manifestation of mania. After we sit in on a frantic CIA briefing where agents are running around like headless chickens, Saul goes to escort Carrie from the hospital. Unfortunately the week off her “meds” has led to her regressing into a manic episode. We see her furiously demanding a green pen from the nursing station and initially we as an audience are alarmed, but chalking this up to her having been through an explosion and hitting her head. But eventually it becomes clear that this is her illness unchecked. She begins spewing conspiracy theories about Nazir, claiming that the alleged Walker/sniper plot is just one piece and that Nazir goes big, aiming for mass casualties. There is “method in madness” as some poet guy once said (dear God please tell me you knew that was Shakespeare, Hamlet to be specific).

The most heartbreaking thing to witness though is Saul (Mandy Patinkin) staring in disbelief at this truly wonderful mind, seemingly shattered by the explosion. As she begins to talk about colors like green, yellow, and purple, and what their vital importance is Saul can only shrug and painfully insist that she get help. Once her sister, Maggie (also her doctor) comes over it becomes clear: Carrie has bipolar disorder. Finally the suggested mental illness is revealed, but not without some sense of imminent danger. If the agency were to find out, her clearance would be taken away. Mental illness of any kind would be too risky for the agency and the government.

Saul volunteers to take the night shifts watching her as her meds start to kick in. He incorrectly blames himself, feeling like he has ignored the tortured parts of her and only focused on her promise, but as she explains later, “I just came this way.” During the night, illustrating his devotion to her, he tries to decipher the color coded notes that Carrie has been frantically attempting to sort. Eventually, Saul pins them up on a cork board and discovers a timeline. Carrie has been trying to tell him through her rapid ramblings about Nazir’s patterns of activity. The one period of seeming inactivity that the rainbow board reveals is during the tail end of Brody’s captivity, and both Carrie and Saul agree that if they can account for that, it might shed light on recent events.

Claire Danes valiantly portrays the manic Carrie with equal parts reckless abandon and restraint. She allowed herself to open up her face to a rush of emotions surging through her while also allowing herself to become lost, blankly staring at something like a garden, meaningless to us, but EVERYTHING to her. Her father summed it up perfectly by saying, “It feels good doesn’t it? Like you’re queen of the world up there!” Carrie’s exasperated, “Yes,” followed by a retreat into herself explained it all. She’s almost invincible, but far from flawless. For taking her performance to a dangerous level of “over-the-top,” while still maintaining a sense of tragic determination that we have all come to anticipate from Carrie, I commend Claire Danes with the utmost sincerity. This episode should be her Emmy submission without a doubt, and the rest of the field should be shaking in their boots.

Now on to Brody-ville, or should I say Gettysburg. I was quite cautious at first about this particular plot thread, considering that it started with an angst-y Dana trying to get out of family time, but once I realized the multiple purposes of the trip it added a layer of eeriness to this day-cation, that was downright brilliant.

Purpose #1: Brody needed to pick up the vest. The recently constructed suicide vest-bomb was obviously for Brody, and it was waiting in the back of a tourist trap clothing store in Gettysburg. It was definitely the sort of plot point that was “so absurd, it just might work,” but honestly what would be a more likely place to hide a bomb-making operation. You can’t debate this one, because there is no way you would know that answer unless you are being flagged by the government (again, like I should NOT be) and in that case you wouldn’t openly tell me…so…HA!

Purpose #2: He needs to preemptively justify his actions to his kids. Well, it’s not like he can just openly tell Dana and Chris (I’m just now noticing that they are named after the Reeves..intentional?), “Kids, Dad’s gonna blow himself up for the terrorists in a couple days, and I just figured I would take you out here to a historical monument to explain why I am taking revenge on this great nation.” So, since he can’t do that, he uses Gettysburg as a metaphor. He tells the story of the Battle at Little Round Top, where a former schoolteacher from Maine (which is very weirdly emphasized, like they were giving a shoutout to schoolteachers from Maine) led the Union troops to victory by inspiring them to sacrifice their lives by running down a hill and defending the line behind them at all costs. He ordered them not to shoot and instead take them by surprise, attacking them with only bayonets. By doing the unthinkable, since it was so risky and potentially deadly, they were able to win. Basically, in his own coded way, he has preached to his son the importance of sacrificing your own life for something you believe in, and how that is true bravery. It’s a warped and yet somehow sensible logic. Neither I or Brody are sure if the kid really got the message, but ultimately Brody isn’t looking for recognition, he’s trying to prove to himself that it’s the right thing to do.

Purpose #3: To say goodbye. Pretty simple. He is going to be killing himself in a matter of days and he wants to say goodbye to his family. I have no doubt in my mind after this trip that he cares immensely for the whole lot of them, but this is something he has to do. Sure ,he might be having regrets, I got a particular hint of that sort of second-guessing in his face when Jess said she was finally happy. For a moment, he may have wondered if this was selfish, if leaving her behind when they were just starting to put their marriage back together is unfair to the women he loves, or at least used to love. Instead, he makes love to her. For real this time. This to me was the biggest hint that this is the man he is most comfortable being. Unfortunately for Homeland universe’s America, Brody in his element is Brody as a terrorist.

As for the devastating climax, I might never forgive “Homeland” for that. It was so genuinely debilitating to see Carrie stripped of her security clearance and job, I tried desperately to look away from the train wreck. But as expected, I couldn’t look away. Carrie deemed it a matter of urgency that she ask Brody to  come over so that she could ask him about what it is that happened to  Nazi during the “yellow period.” Her working theory is that he suffered a loss of some kind, something that would have inspired him to set the wheels in motion. This is precisely (there goes that word again) what makes Carrie a threat to his mission. She knows too much. Therefore, he spills the beans to David Estes, her boss, about their fling, and categorized her contact with him afterwards as “continued harassment,” and this is grounds enough in Estes’ eyes to fire her. Watching Carrie get gussied up once again for the man she has unwittingly fell for is both adorable and pathetic. It’s clearly a futile effort, and we don’t want to see her get hurt, but there’s also the urge within me to yell at this blinded, one time masterful agent.

As the jazz began to play (sort of like Carrie’s theme at this point) I began to hold my head in my hands. Carrie wailing that they don’t take down her timeline (though they have to because it is FULL of classified documents) is gruesome to watch unfold as she deteriorates into what the untrained eye would see as a helpless basket case. At the series’ start I never would have anticipated this moment. I knew she couldn’t succeed. And I knew that though she may be right, her disregard for the systematic approach to intelligence building, and her evident psychosis, would catch up with her. But I wouldn’t wish this sort of debacle on my worst enemy. She not only lost the war, she lost any and all respect and dignity she once had from her boss (and former lover). Yet for hysterics, the final images were beautiful. Like watching footage of a volcano erupting, you know the devastation that is being documented before you, but you are transfixed by the beauty of it all, the grandeur of this moment, knowing in the aftermath, nothing will be as it was.

Despite the flaws in logic, like the CIA’s oversight in not considering what sort of monumental occurrence would lead to such a prolonged period of inactivity, “Homeland” executed this penultimate episode with an startling and unsettling mastery. All the nuanced acting, patience in character building, and deliberate, honest storytelling is paying off in a major way. The 90 minute season finale, I predict, will go down as historic, and cement “Homeland” as part of the dramatic TV canon. For giving me cause to shake with anticipation for next Sunday, affirming my “Vest-ed” interest, I diagnose this manic episode as being symptomatic of an A.

The gang celebrates the holidays, and also their loving friend and boss, Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler).

Despite the holiday cheer infestation that has victimized us all (particularly in department stores where I feel assaulted by horrible Christmas songs), as a critic I feel pressure to maintain cynicism even if my impulses to give and love painfully are overwhelming me. Thankfully, this episode of “Parks and Recreation,” has allowed me to put my guard down. I can feel free to hug a reindeer and jingle some bells because for the second straight week my adoration has been earned.

We begin where last week left us with Leslie’s existential crisis. What will she do with nothing to do during her two week suspension? What will Ben do for employment? Well, in the open we see Leslie breaking in to the Parks and Rec office to snag her flashdrive. She claims it is not for work-related reasons…only so she can oversee the Parks department while she is gone. Huh? Chris doesn’t buy her excuse either. He asks nicely and she hands him nasal spray. Then they try and negotiate and exchange and Leslie runs off with the flashdrive. Chris runs after her in his ridiculous “Bumbleflex” jogging suit (made from synthetic beeswax). Ben is seeking employment in the private sector, and is initially encouraged  by his prospects. Though, Leslie pinpoints that he is more “excited” by the security of being “an accountant for an accounting firm,” than he is with the position itself.

Back at the office, our favorite co-workers are thrilled with the per usual, stellar gifts Leslie got them. All of the gifts were gems in terms of writing. These guys know their characters as if they were family. Andy got a gold record for his band, Mouserat, selling over 100 copies in Pawnee; For April, she commandeered a painting of her finally slaying The Black Eyed Peas; Donna got a zebra-print with “You Can Get It” in rhinestones on the back; Tom, in place of tickets to the “Watch the Throne” tour, (which I actually saw, and got to high-five Jay-Z as he came through the tunnel…no big deal) was given a pocket watch, hollowed out with “Baller Time” inscribed and a tiny gold throne. And the most hilarious gift of all, she had automatic doors that close with the push of a button installed in Ron’s office overnight. Typically, he is furious that she would get him something so special, and Ron’s rough exterior breaks as he holds back the tears. Oh, and not to be forgotten, because Leslie “gets him,” she gives Jerry, socks.

That sequence of gifts would have made my night. We get a memorable joke/moment from each character within five minutes of the episode. Thankfully, it only got better. Leslie, in her manic restlessness, receives the suggestion from Ben that she can work for the town as a citizen activist. For her, this means rallying some new troops to her cause and organizing PCP (Parks Committee of Pawnee). They harass Chris by calling incessantly and following him on his jogging route, and they show up to the town hall meeting run by Donna and Jerry, totally sabotaging it. Eventually, Leslie ends up back in Chris’ office with a list of demands, as well as his Christmas gift. Leslie’s unique combination of impossible work ethic and extreme selflessness has been utilized in the past, but here it feels seamless attached to not only the holiday season, but also when to her recent extraction from the biggest outlet for her “Can’t stop, won’t stop” attitude.

The gang (spearheaded by RON!) decides to show their gratitude for Leslie by putting together a thoughtful gift of their own. Ron suggests building a wooden model of the Parks department, Leslie’s favorite place in the world, and then Ann chimes in with the idea of a gingerbread house of the park department. Ron, of course, feels defeated, insisting amidst the jubilation that “wood model is better.” Being a good sport, he attempts to construct the gingerbread house and repeatedly crushing the cookie in his hands out of impatience. When Andy shows him up with his frosting skills, Ron quits. But damn, if I didn’t appreciate the effort from my favorite Pawnee man.

But oddly enough, my favorite aspect of this episode filled with love, collaboration and general merriment was when the consequences of last week’s verdict revealed themselves. Leslie’s campaign advisers foresaw a dip in in her poll numbers, but because of the perceived “sex scandal,” she saw a catastrophic decline to 1%. Or as Leslie articulates it, “last milkshake sip levels.” Leslie, expectedly, remains determined, but the veteran campaigners decided she is a lost cause, a concept lost on Leslie. Ben, however, has a epiphany about being okay without a job, realizing that he is happy in the state of uncertainty because it means he hasn’t yet found that great job he was meant for. Showing these two grow without each other, as well as together, is precisely how the show can keep this couple relevant while not obstructing the core relationship of this Parks staff that is so integral to the pathos and the humor the show has spent four seasons building.

These new stakes present themselves just long enough to cause concern, but when Chris gifts Leslie her ID a week early, effectively revoking her suspension, she walks in to her familiar workplace overwhelmed by the effort of her employees, astounded by the gingerbread replica, and then nearly floored by the most heartwarming gesture of all, announcing their commitment to running the Leslie Knope 2012 campaign. As each character, described their position on the campaign staff (Tom as “swagger coach,” Ron as “what ever else you damn well need”) my smile grew wider. It certainly isn’t a requirement for a comedy to create an entirely likable ensemble to achieve comedic success, but damn, if it doesn’t make me tune in every week, thrilled to see what this team (both the Parks and Rec characters and the show’s writing staff) accomplishes together. For, pumping some much needed Christmas spirit into my veins, through genuine caring and kindness, and not some hokey, commercialized version of what “Christmas really means” I give “Citizen Knope” the gift of credit where credit is due, an A.

LO.L.Ls (Laugh Out Loud Lines):

- “Well, I’ll calc-u-later.”

- Ben, after Leslie creates the gross blend sal-gar (salt and sugar): “You’re putting an awful lot of sal-gar on your pasta” “That’s just sugar.”

- Leslie addressing her group, PCP: “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose” GAHHHH, “Friday Night Lights” reference!

- Donna: “I spray painted the M&Ms silver.” Ann: “Oh, okay, those are poisonous now.” Andy (clearly with silver paint in his lips): “Well, yeah, duh, I didn’t eat them.” Ann: “Andy, go throw up.” Andy: “I didn’t” Ann: “Seriously, go throw up.” Andy: “Okay.”

- Leslie after giving Chris his present: “My pleasure…see you in Hell!”

- “Like Kim tells me, you gotta do what you love…then she ripped the hair from my b-hole”

- “I’m now starting a group, LSD, the Leslie Sorry Division.”

- “I cannot build a gingerbread house, and that would bother me if I was an 8 year-old girl.”

- The entire last sequence during the end credits with Jean Ralphio, Tom’s former business partner, working as a temp at the accounting firm Ben rejects was AMAZING. Seriously, that guaranteed the A for me. If I had to pick one line…

Jean-Ralphio: “You wanna talk spreadsheets, let’s talk about spreading on my sheets, because I will rock your wor—” Accountant: “You’re fired!” “Yeah, I figured, so I should just go out the way I came in?”

The creators of “The Deadliest Catch” have created a new series, “Bering Sea Gold,” which will premiere on the Discovery Channel January 27 at 10 p.m. The show is about gold miners who are attempting to bring up gold found on the ocean floor.

The series will follow four teams of gold miners that take big risks in efforts to discover gold before the water becomes too cold for diving.

Acting legend Harry Morgan, best-known for his role as Colonel Sherman T. Potter on “M*A*S*H” has died. He was 96.

Mr. Morgan was already well-known on the big and small screens by the time he took his full-time role on the medical Korean War drama. He started in TV’s “Dragnet” and the movie “High Noon” as well as dozens of others.

He actually started on M*A*S*H in 1974, guest starring as a crazy General named Bartford Hamilton Steele, in a September 1974 episode. He was so good, that the shows producers brought him back next season to replace McLean Stevenson as the leader of the army hospital. He stared until the end of the show’s run in 1983.

Mr. Morgan won an Emmy in 1980.

Born in Muskegon, Mich., Mr. Morgan started acting while at the University of Chicago. He acted on Broadway and early productions under his birth name, Harry Bratsberg. He changed his name to Harry Morgan in 1942, when he starred in his first film, the acclaimed “To the Shores of Tripoli.”

Mr. Morgan was one of three former “M*A*S*H” stars who acted in the failed spinoff “After MASH.”

Mr. Morgan was married to Barbara Bushman Quine in 1986. His first wife, Eileen Decton, died in 1985, after about 45 years of marriage.

In 1997. his wife accused him of battery, and Mr. Morgan completed a six-month domestic violence program.

Mr. Morgan also appeared in three episodes of “3rd Rock from the Sun” as well as an episode of “The Simpsons.”

Paul (Justin Long) admitting to Jess (Zooey Deschanel) that her S&M tactics scare him.

The New Girl writers accomplished something remarkable with this episode. They managed to make Zooey Deschanel, one of the desirable women in show biz, unequivocally un-sexy. I’m aware this sounds like sacrilege to some, but trust me. Awkward achieved new levels in the climactic sex scene between Jess and Paul (Justin Long). But was it funny? EHHHHHHHHH.

For me the episode started off really strong, and organic. Jess and Paul are coming in from a presumably good date, taking off each other’s clothes in the entryway. Nick looks on from the couch in a judgmental, yet almost longing way, which seems to suggest the writers definitely want to pair them off down the road, but I can only handle one grievance at a time. Then as their panting and ecstasy wanders into her bedroom, Jess suddenly seems to realize that sex is about to happen. She sings a little ditty about “Intercoooourse” and then excuses herself to the loo. Then she endears us to her, yet again, when she motivates herself in the mirror and high-fives her reflection. A sharp cut later, we see no sex was had.

Her hesitations are understandable considering she hasn’t had sex since she broke up with Spencer after catching him in the act of cheating (her reason for moving in with the guys). As a result she has attributed his philandering ways to her lack of sexual prowess, and therefore feels she needs to be more adventurous. This is the obvious set-up for the hilarity to ensue as Jess shops for lingerie that would function better as a straight jacket, and raids Schmidt’s “red folder,” subjecting herself to 5.5 hours of the hardest of the core porn (from the audio it seems there were chainsaws and dogs involved at some point).

The guys were largely in the margins for this episode, which for me spelled danger. Thankfully, Schmidt got the most airtime, and continues to be my favorite character. Working in an office with all women certainly explained some of his behavior (some, not all) and seeing him struggle to be accepted was both funny and sad. It’s always a neat trick when a character can be both pitied and adored, and this episode added to the arsenal, providing us with more reasons to love and loathe douchebag with feminine tendencies. Despite not being asked, he begs his boss for an invite to her baby shower. Eventually he coaxes it out of her and vows to be the life of the party. At first he comes up empty (he thinks afterbirth is like an after party for the birth). Then he channels his frat boy side and turns the classy feminine affair into a full out raga. He even scores some drunk co-worker tail! Small victories, Schmidt. Small victories.

Nick and Winston were almost non-existent. Nick needs a haircut badly, but doesn’t like being forced to converse. This leads to a couple belly laughter visual gags. One, Nick finds a home haircut video on YouTube, but then the guy in the video gashes deep into his head, drawing a bloody geyser. Winston’s response, “Can we watch that again,” was expertly timed. The second is when Nick returns with a high-top fade and Jess refuses to take him seriously when he tries to bestow advice.

The centerpiece of “Bad in Bed,” the role-play scene between Jess and Paul, was well-acted and elicited a few chuckles, but it failed Jess by crossing the line. Jess leaped over the boundary of being adorably inept to disturbing and uncomfortable. because it made her out to be someone who doesn’t pick up on social cues to such a severe degree you aren’t sure how she would even have a job. It’s starts off silly, Jess sounded like a 40′s newspaper man and Paul imitating Jimmy Stewart. Then once it gets to be too complicated of a performance Paul suggests they stop pretending. Then once they share a tender kiss, Jess starts to choke him because she saw it earlier in a porno. I see the setup for the joke here, and I knew Jess was bound to try something awkward, but choking isn’t like someone bringing up a taboo topic at the dinner table, it’s violent and psychotic. If the show hadn’t done such a great job gaining my adoration for these characters I might have a harder time tolerating that scene. But I have the capacity to forgive their miscalculation. In the future though, “New Girl,” you can make Jess clueless and awkward, but don’t make her do things that seriously hurt other people. Then it is no longer funny, because we start to wonder if she might “accidentally kill all her roommates in her sleep.

Ultimately, no harm is done. Jess apologizes, and both Jess and Paul express their anxieties and admit they are products of the butterflies swirling around in their tummies when they’re together. Jess then FINALLY shows some competence and agency at the end of an episode, (most have notably ended with the roommates pitching in to help her “to show they care), and seductively kisses Paul in the elevator. Predictably they stop the elevator for a quickie, and the fellas are none the wiser.

My critiques with this episode may come off a lot harsher than the grade would reflect, but that’s mostly because I still enjoy this show immensely. Spending time in the apartment week-to-week is a ball, much like it was on “Friends.” Every week, you had your “Friend” that was annoying and whose jokes weren’t hitting, but you tuned in knowing that overall you wouldn’t be sorry you tuned in. Schmidt was that reason for me this week, and the Jess from this first half of the episode delightful. She was in over her head and in her attempts to feel in control she had a few memorable lines (see L.O.L.Ls below), but when she veered into insanity I wanted very badly to check out.

As long as the show remembers who these characters are and doesn’t deviate simply for a cheeky premise the show will be fine. Some particularly strong L.O.L.Ls in the episode’s first two acts and a solidly executed B-plot for Schmidt “Bad in Bed” out of a frankly deserving C range, but for relegating Winston and Nick to second-class citizens in terms of airtime, and causing me concern for Jess’ mental health I reluctantly seal this deal with B-.

L.O.L.Ls (Laugh Out Loud Lines):

- Jess on sex with a new partner: “It’s like starting a new job with a really weird interview.”

- Jess: “The V-Bomb and the P-Bomb…boom.” Paul: “I’m the P-Bomb, right?”

- “I’m gonna tap him like a maple tree.” “Yeah, I can drive stick.”

- “You’re like a Bond villain, you just told me you whole plan.”

- “Everything I know about sex I learned from Spencer, or the Clinton impeachment trials.”

- “I’m gonna need me some coral polyps because this starfish is hungry!”

- Schmidt on what Nick and his ex, Caroline, sounded like in bed in college: “You sounded like a rescuer talking to a trapped miner…Oh, oh yeah, are you okay down there?”

- “You know what they say, an afterbirth ain’t an afterbirth unless there’s some Schmidt up in it!”

SPOILER ALERT: If you aren’t completely caught up on the show, don’t read this review!

Last night’s episode of “How I Met Your Mother”, Symphony of Illumination, was a Robin roller-coaster ride. Coming off of the cliffhanger at the end of last week’s episode – in which Robin told Barney she was pregnant – we knew that this episode was going to be a big one. Robin’s pregnancy could pose a number questions, especially what effect it would have on the recent Robin / Kevin / Barney love triangle. Is the baby Kevin’s, and if it is, does that mean the end of Barney and Robin as we know it?

Recap

Well, right off the bat Robin clarified who the baby’s father was, admitting to Barney that the baby couldn’t be Kevin’s because they hadn’t had sex yet. Barney takes the news surprisingly well, excited at the thought of becoming a Dad. To prove to Robin how great having a kid coud be, Barney brings her along on Lilly’s trip to We B Babies. But Barney’s enthusiasm disappears when he sees a former swinger friend, Insane Duane, in the store with his wife and multiple kids. Insane Duane admits that, since he had kids, he hasn’t been to a bar in years. That’s all Barney needs to hear.

Barney and Robin at "We B Baby"

Robin and Barney go to see the doctor together, ready to hear the worst but hoping for good news. When the doctor tells them that Robin isn’t pregnant, the two do a celebratory happy dance on the spot. But Robin’s relief is short-lived. Days later, she gets a call from the doctor who informs her that she won’t ever be able to have kids. Though this is huge news, Robin keeps it from the others, who are left to guess what is really on her mind. At first Robin seems fine with the fact that she’s barren because she’s always been clear about never wanting to have children. But a return trip to We B Babies makes Robin realize the magnitude of her condition, and she suddenly is missing the possibility of one day having kids. In fact, she’s so upset about it that she ends up telling the story to her two imaginary future kids (cleverly mimicking the way Future Ted is telling each “How I Met Your Mother” episode to his future son and daughter). After much resistance, Robin accepts Ted’s attempts to comfort her. She still refuses to talk about what is bothering her, but allows Ted to keep her company in NYC for Christmas.

Marshall stuck on the roof with his Christmas lights

Throughout Robin’s emotional ordeal, comic relief is provided by Marshall’s side-story involving Christmas decorating at the Long Island house and a neighborhood kid named Scott. Scott pretends to help Marshall hang christmas lights and acts like the son Marshall has always wanted. But when Marshall accidentally drops his cell phone off the roof, Scott pulls the ladder away from the house, trapping Marshall without a way to call for help. While Marshall is stranded atop the house, Scott hosts a wild party in Marshall’s house.

Review

One of the greatest strengths of “How I Met Your Mother”, now halfway through it’s seventh season, is that it doesn’t shy away from some of life’s toughest issues. At some point over the course of the show, each character has had to deal with their own big issues – Barney finally meeting his father, Lilly’s breakup with Marshall to pursue her art career (thank God that didn’t take), and Ted’s constant quest for his soul mate (still ongoing). And just last year, mid-way through the season, Marshall’s father passed away. So when last night’s episode came along and it was Robin’s turn for some trouble, it was nothing new to HIMYM fans.

First of all, I loved how the episode started off with a twist on the typical opening, with Robin telling her future kids the story of tonight’s episode. In telling them the story of “how I met your father,” Robin seems to finally put to rest the question of whether or not Barney and Robin end up together. In fact, this opening seemed to confirm that Robin was really pregnant, that Barney really was the father, and that things were going to be a whole lot different from now on.

Robin's future kids listen to her tell the story

But a trip to the doctor not only dismissed Robin’s pregnancy, it gave the episode a 180 spin with the news that Robin was barren. Throughout the episode, Robin’s emotions were all over the place and she took the audience along with her. Though there were brief periods of happiness, the overall feeling of the episode was quite a downer, but that’s okay. I don’t take joy in seeing Robin or the others struggle, but I appreciate the fact that the writers aren’t afraid to delve into the darker side of life that sitcoms so frequently avoid. In the end, these major issues lead to more dynamic characters and greater character development.

To be honest, I was hoping that the pregnancy scare was real. Some people may find that shocking, but I’m ready for some of the characters on HIMYM to change, especially Robin and Barney. After six-and-a-half seasons, everybody is getting older (along with the show itself), and with age comes change. I’m ready for Ted, Robin and Barney to either settle down or get closer to it as the end nears. Still, I can understand why the writers turned Robin’s pregnancy into a fake-out. Last March, HIMYM got picked up for two more seasons, putting it into at least May 2013. Robin being pregnant would probably pose a problem with so much time left before the show finally signs off.

Overall, “Symphony of Illumination” was a solid episode, resolving the pregnancy issue while simultaneously exploring Robin’s attitude towards having kids. Putting characters through hard times makes them more relatable, which leads to more of a connection for the audience and a more enjoyable show. As “How I Met Your Mother” hits the mid-season break of it’s seventh season, it once again proves that a great sitcom doesnt’ always have to stay away from the harshness of reality.

Giuliana Rancic, E! News anchor and host of Fashion Police, announced her fight with breast cancer in October, but after an unsuccessful double lumpectomy, she will be undergoing a double mastectomy next week.

Rancic and her husband, Bill Rancic, appeared on NBC’s Today to address the new treatment. She said “I would like to take the stigma away. ‘Mastectomy’, the word seemed so scary to me at first. After doing research and seeing the advancements, the surgery has come a long way from 20 years ago. The results can be incredible. Not only can it save your life, but you can come out feeling healthier and with a positive self-image”.

Rancic mentioned how her desire to have children factored into her decision-making process, saying “If I’d chosen to just do another lumpectomy and then do radiation, and then do anti-estrogen therapy, which means two to five years of medication, that basically puts me into early menopause. Then I would have to put off having a baby for several years.”

She also spoke of her husband’s endless support: “Bill said to me, ‘I just need you around for the next 50 years, kid. I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care about the physical portion of this, I just need you around for the next 50 years. So let’s get you healthy.’”

The encouragement Rancic has received from colleagues, friends, and strangers has been overwhelming. E! News co-host, Ryan Seacrest said “Her positivity throughout this ordeal is a true inspiration”.

On the twitter front, the support has been just as vast. Teresa Giudice wrote “@GiulianaRancic My prayers are with you sweetie. You’re an inspiration to women everywhere for sharing your story. Love you! xx” and Trista Sutter tweeted “@GiulianaRancic I haven’t experienced ur struggle, but immensely respect u sharing it w/those who need 2 know that they aren’t alone. Prayers.”

In response, Rancic tweeted ”Thank you for ur love”.

Carrie (Claire Danes) on the lookout for a terrorist threat in a public park

For those who are spoiler-sensitive, SPOILERS ABOUND. I will be talking about a climactic moment towards the end of the episode, so prepare yourselves. I will give a warning for SPOILER ALERT as I approach the delicate information for those who are interested in the rest of the review, but don’t want this part spoiled for them. Now, back to our regularly schooled program.

Obviously, everyone is going to point to the painfully tense sequence at the end of the episode (the only other show that can makes me that fearful, as if my own life were in danger is “Breaking Bad”) when they tell you how awesome this episode was. Despite my mutual adoration, I would like to point to a few other moments that separates this show from the rest of the dramas out there.

The first one took place in a ratty gym, where Brody’s best friend, Mike, was perfecting his jump shot. Since the reveal that Brody is in fact involved with Abu Nazir, I have picked up on Damian Lewis’ subtle facial expressions that indicate when he is feigning interest or loyalty and I can pick out when he is genuine and in the moment. That scene at the gym was a elaborate mixture of both, played with precision by both the character and the actor. His motives at this point are clear. Mike is a means to an end. If Mike can convince Jess that he needs to “serve his country somehow” for his sanity, then he can reach the objectives of his jihadist boss. Though he may be on the verge of going ballistic sitting in his quaint suburban home all day, we know that he is under orders to run for the open seat in Congress. Abu Nazir, for whatever reason, needs him to become an elected official. Whether Nazir is more of a jazz musician, going with the flow, adapting his sinister plans as he goes or an almost comically evil overlord that can anticipate everyone’s moves remains to be seen, but I sincerely hope for the former. Otherwise, this incredibly meticulous drama, becomes an overwrought puzzle intent on tricking the audience instead of shattering our expectations of TV in its portrayal of our complex, moral world.

Now, back to the delicate character moments. Mike has no clue, or at least no reason to believe, that Brody is using him for treasonous purposes, but he could certainly have practical suspicion about why his best friend would forgive him for dancing the horizontal polka with his wife while he was still alive. It’s the bro code. Even when you THINK it’s cool to sleep with your boy’s ex…DON’T DO IT. Despite this eternal man law, Brody appears to legitimately forgive him. Whether it was with the goal in mind or not, Mike, and I, bought it. He fumbles over his words, he curses, he looks away in shame. Dare I say, it was an Emmy worthy performance. No really, if Damian Lewis is not at least nominated I will streak across the stage—no, wait I will regret that. Let’s just say I will be irrationally angry,

The second “moment” I am speaking of is when Carrie interrogates the Saudi diplomat. Internet research has yielded no spell check for his name, but I believe it’s Al-Zarhani. At any rate, Carrie’s relentlessness knows no bounds. Saul gave her explicit orders to eviscerate the motherf****r, but jeez. Their gameplan going in was to entrap him at the bank where he is in debt to the tune of $750,000, and expose him for being a closeted homosexual. This revelation would be more than shameful for a Saudi man, and they’re banking that his three wives (now that’s an alibi) don’t know his dirty secret either. Much to their surprise, the diplomat is not easily blackmailed into giving them the intel they wanted on Tom Walker, Brody’s former POW-mate that they suspect has been ordered by Nazir to carry out a sniper assassination of the president. The diplomat claims they could tell the whole world and he would not care. His exact words were “I suck cock. Yummy, yummy, yummy.”

Okay, then! As a result, he begins to walk out the door since the CIA seems to have lost their leverage when Carrie brings in the big guns thanks to her night-before-interrogation study party with Virgil (for those who have been with the show since the beginning, it’s good to have our cheeky surveillance man back, isn’t it?). She asks him hypothetically who his favorite daughter is. Expectedly, our prepared student already knows. And when she threatens to deport her back to Saudi Arabia where she will, “get fat and wear a burqa,” he starts singing like a canary. Yeah, it’s a +1 for “the good guys,” but furthermore, it illustrates Carrie’s ruthless way of handling people. She will keep knocking furiously until someone answers (like Walter White of “Breaking Bad,” She is “the one who knocks!”). And her methodology is not entirely unethical, certainly not to the torturous degree of Jack Bauer on “24,” where everything was SO DAMN IMPORTANT! Carrie unfortunately carries this stubbornness into her personal life with less success.

This is where the last character moment comes into play. Carrie had gotten a call while cramming with Virgil about the diplomat’s daughters from Brody. He claims he has something personal to meet with her about. She suggests “their bar” and he says your house is fine. And like any woman, or person really, she’s ecstatic her crush wants to come over. Butterflies in your stomach when the cute guy calls is universal. She plays it cool though, and when Virgil asks, she dismisses it with vulgarity. The next night, however, she goes in for the kill, as if Brody were just another diplomat she has to make squeal. She applies the lipstick, she slips on the slinky black number and pours the wine. But Brody just wanted to make sure she would keep her mouth shut about that weekend in the cabin. Pow, gut check. That weekend that meant so much to her, the first seamless human interaction she’s had in a while, the romance that felt so real, despite her secondary terrorist-squashing motives, is simply a blemish on his record that he doesn’t want to resurface. This time, no matter her preparations, no matter how bad she wanted it, she didn’t get him. Carrie, and by association Claire Danes, have been revelations to the TV canon because not only is she an active pursuant, someone who shakes the foundation of any structure she walks into, she is also a victim like all of us, a victim of a world that doesn’t play fair, and neither does she.

The following sequence where Carrie cries in her kitchen because of her failure then segues into the failures of Saul. We don’t get any dialogue. Just a man buying a Fiji water from the vending machine who is camping in his office tonight. The implication is home is meaningless now that it’s devoid of his beloved, Mira. He brought some peanut butter and crackers with him but he forgot the knife. So he uses a ruler from his desk. This attention to detail, the care with which this show treats its characters is admirable, and that ruler to me was as significant as any line of dialogue or any tragic, action-packed climax.

Speak of the devil, here we are folks. SPOILER ALERT! PROCEED WITH CAUTION! BEWARE OF DOG! ENTER IF YOU DARE!

Okay, now that the chosen few are left, did you see that coming? Did you see Carrie failing twice in a matter of twenty-four hours? How heartbroken were you when you saw the innocents with legs blown off and faces obliterated, and Carrie leveled by yet another surprise. Tom Walker saw them coming. Despite the diplomat being under CIA surveillance, despite him going about signaling a meeting just as he usually did, a Tom lookalike brought a suitcase bomb in Farrugut Park and blew up the lunch crowd. Damn. Saul tells us, and a bedridden Carrie, that the suicide bomber was a homeless man Walker met at a shelter, Samuel Everett, whom Walker paid off to bring the suitcase. He also confirms the suspicions that have been brewing in-show, and among us fans, that there is a mole in the U.S government. Though I wouldn’t put it past the former “24″ writers to do employ the mole plot, I’m not so sure. After he mentions this the Vice President comes on the tube. I could see that, if that cut was deliberate or even suggestive. I could also see the diplomat lying to the CIA and the picture in the window means some variation of…”They got me, help me take my own life to prevent further damage.” At that point all he had admitted was what they already knew; that he was taking money from them to pay off his exorbitant debt in exchange for intel and Tom Walker is working with Nazir. The fact, that anything can happen still is a credit to the “Homeland” staff for crafting such a multi-layered and intricate universe that even the real-world cynics and internet trolls can’t predict what happens next.

I cared very little about the episode title’s plot thread. It could be that I was more appreciative of the intimate scenes between Mike, Brody and Jess (in all possible pairings) that I wasn’t phased that he is now running for Congress. There was no real stakes. In order to keep the momentum she has to give the a-okay. And also I have no idea yet what the incorporation of his position as elected official will mean for Nazir’s scheme. I am certain, however, that I can’t wait to find out. I was enthralled by mostly every scene, hanging on every word, and I continue to be amazed by the focus on minutia in plot, character development, appeal to audience pathos (I wept ever so slightly seeing Carrie scarred and in shock amidst the explosion’s aftermath), and narrative tension. I’m officially declaring my intention to give this episode…an A-.