Blast Magazine» Love and Romance

Romance in the 21st century — do we still need it?

Neely Steinberg — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 15:38:18 +0000

What does romance look like in the 21stcentury? I have been pondering this question for the last few months, ever since I published what I thought was a rather lighthearted list of ways I appreciate and love men. To be sure, many of the items on the list were of a romantic nature. Some readers found fault with the old-fashioned brand of romance and chivalry I espoused to love, that the list evoked a nauseatingly romantic, antiquated Prince Charming archetype that promotes dangerous lessons about masculinity (and femininity) and therefore has no place in modern times. These critiques got me to thinking about the construct of romance and its role in current-day relationships.

As Christina Nehring writes in her book “A Vindication of Love: Reclaiming Romance for the 21st Century”: “We inhabit a world in which every aspect of romance from meeting to mating has been streamlined, safety-checked, and emptied of spiritual consequence. The result is that we imagine we live in an erotic culture of unprecedented opportunity when, in fact, we live in an erotic culture that is almost unendurably bland.” Nehring believes that romance in today’s society has become anemic; it’s been bled out of us, replaced by a commodification and demystification, among other things, of sex. Romance in our day has become “a poor and shrunken thing,” says Nehring. “To some it remains an explicit embarrassment, a discredited myth, the deceptive sugar that once coated the pill of women’s servility. To others, romance has become a recreational sport.” As we have lost sight of romance we are no longer able to let it “sweep us up, to take us for a flight in the heavens, a twirl into the unknown.”

But what exactly is romance? Can it even be defined in specific terms or is it too personal an experience to be painted in precise strokes?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fact that many modern-day women still want to perceive and define romance in old-fashioned ways and long for a traditional brand they fear no longer exists, a brand that flourished in bygone eras when the rules to courtship were perhaps clearer, when the act of courting itself was in vogue. I can understand why.

For many years, during college and beyond, I participated in a rather unromantic yet thoroughly modern hook-up culture, in which sexual tension between two people was acted on with immediacy and sexual relations, for the most part, felt like apathetic, drunken business transactions. Feelings were shut off, false messages of empowerment switched on. You can imagine why, over the years, I’ve gained an appreciation for clichéd, old-fashioned ideals: chivalrous gestures, stolen kisses, flowers just because, candlelit dinners, love notes, hand-holding, slow dancing, delayed gratification. Call me a romantic old fart but the lyrics to Kitty Kallen’s 1954 hit “The Little Things Mean a Lot” resonate with me. She soulfully croons: “Blow me a kiss from across the room. Say I look nice when I’m not. Touch my hair as you pass my chair. Little things mean a lot. Give me your arm as we cross the street. Call me at six on the dot. A line a day when you’re far away. Little things mean a lot.”

I don’t think I’m alone in yearning for a sort of nostalgia I never actually knew (I’m 34) but learned about through songs, books, television, and film. Whether during the dating stages of a relationship or further down the road, many women still view this brand of romance as a gold standard. Understandably, they are worried about its demise. As Barbara Ellen writes in her commentary “Is Romance Dead?”: “Where romance is concerned, it seems that women in particular never get used to the sudden terrible absence of it all.”

Just visit the message boards of dating sites, read the letters that come in to dating and relationship coaches and pundits, scan facebook updates and blog entries, and you will feel, quite palpably, this frustration and anxiety. “Chivalry is dead; romance is gone,” the fairer sex claims. “They’re not after my heart; just what’s in my jeans,” writes a jaded blogger.

**** The Romantic Appeal of Jane Austen****

Despite the truth universally acknowledged that, at least by today’s standards and culture, a female’s life in Jane Austen’s day was quite restrictive, millions of women still have an appreciation for the romantic aesthetic and courtship rituals found in her novels, or the brand of romance we see play out in other such classics. In the movie adaptation of “Emma,” for instance, Mr. Knightly confesses: “I only felt hope again when I heard of Mr. Churchill’s engagement, and I rushed back, anxious for your feelings, keen to be near you. I rode through the rain, but I’d ride through worse if I could just to hear your voice telling me that I might at least have some chance to win you … What of my flaws? I’ve humbled you, and I’ve lectured you and you have borne it as noone could have born it. Maybe it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another. Marry me? Oh, marry me, my wonderful, darling friend!”

Swoon!

Compare that with the type of romance depicted in some of today’s movies. Take the blockbuster hit “Mr. And Mrs. Smith,” for example. Romance knees us in the groin in the form of a high-octane thriller. Both man and woman are skilled assassins, badasses in equal measure. “Love gets lethal,” the trailer narrator warns. “Come on, sweetheart, come to daddy,” Brad Pitt says to Angelina Jolie, who then kicks him in the balls, replying, “Who’s your daddy now?” You kill somebody; I kill somebody. Awesome. Now let’s pull guns on each other and screw each other’s brains out.

Swoo … oh, never mind.

This is not to say that one construct of romance is necessarily better than the other (raw passion is great), but I think many women feel more moved emotionally (and physically) by the Austen variety, even in 2012.

Why else do they gobble up Austen’s novels and flock in droves to the theaters to see Austen adaptations (and other such films within that genre)? “There is, it seems,” says Elizabeth Day, in a Daily Telegraph article titled “Why Women Love Jane Austen,” “an endless appetite among female readers for a romance with a happy ending, perhaps because Austen’s novels allow one to escape from the pitfalls and humiliations of present-day courtship. In Austen’s books, men really know how to behave. They make their intentions clear by marking your dance card, by taking a leisurely turn round the vicarage gardens and indulging in polite conversations about the Napoleonic wars. All of which is far more genteel and straightforward than gyrating to thumping disco beats in the seedy half-light of a crowded nightclub, the floor sticky with spilled alcopops.”

Dan Stevens, the heartthrob star of Masterpiece Classic’s recent silver screen period hit Downton Abbey, seconds this sentiment. He believes the depiction of old-fashioned romance is a reason the series has been so successful: “These days it‘s a quick speed date, straight in the sack, game over. … People [back then] took their time and considered things a lot more. I think we have lost that now,” he says in a recent interview.

Of course, you can’t have a discussion about women’s hunger for old-school romance without giving a nod to a more recent period love story detailed in “The Notebook” (written by a man, incidentally), which sits atop millions of women’s favorite books and movies lists. The novel-cum-film is a throwback to another time, an era that unapologetically embraces traditional romance and chivalry and femininity. “The Notebook” is just one of thousands of romance novels that women spend billions of dollars on each year. According to statistics from Romance Writers of America: Romance fiction sales remained relatively steady in 2010, though dipping slightly to $1.358 billion from $1.36 billion in 2009, and romance fiction continued its dominance of the consumer market at 13.4 percent (in terms of revenue of market categories), beating out mystery, science fiction/fantasy, and religion/inspirational titles.

Good news for Fabio!

Even the most progressive women I know still want a little traditional romance in their lives. They want their boyfriends to pop the question; they long for engagement rings; they plan their weddings, at which they will wear lacy white gowns and promenade down the chapel aisle to the sweet, sonorous notes of J.S. Bach’s Ave Maria. In her book “Uncommon Arrangements: Seven Portraits of Married Life in London Literary Circles, 1910-1939,” Katie Roiphe discusses the paradox of various progressives who struggle with bucking traditional mindsets as it pertains to gender.

She writes: “Even formidable feminists like Rebecca West and Elizabeth Von Arnim, who devoted a great deal of thoughts to the power relations between men and women, were enraptured and nearly defeated by traditional, almost brutal displays of male power. … [these women’s] most progressive, most outrageous desires clash with the retrograde yearning for traditional roles….”

*****The Frustration of Today’s Man****

Adding more nuance to this issue, today’s woman doesn’t just yearn for the traditional; she wants to mix and match traditional gender roles and concepts with more liberal ones. In today’s society, women want to have it all. They want to be stay-at-home moms and career women, or maybe a little of both. They rejoice in being liberated and empowered but somewhere in their depths still long to be swept up in old-fashioned forms of romance and chivalry, in which men treat them as the women, nay, ladies they desire to be. Women are ultimately caught, as Laura Kippnis writes in her book “A Female Thing,” “between feminism and femininity, between self-affirmation and an endless quest for self-improvement, between playing an injured party and claiming independence.” (It’s curious, I suppose, that even amidst all the gains and “progress” women have made, women’s happiness has been declining steadily since 1970. According to a recent study The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness: “The relative decline in women’s well-being is ubiquitous, and holds for both working and stay-at-home mothers, for those married and divorced, for the old and the young, and across the education distribution.”)

But here, of course, is where the rubber hits the road: Just because many of today’s women may yearn for a return to old-fashioned notions of romance and chivalry, is it fair for them to expect men to fall in line? In current society, men and women are equals (certainly not so in the time of Austen and even more recently, before the women’s movement came barreling along). Women vote; they own property; they raise children alone; they determine their own destinies. In fact, women are doing so well today that they are surpassing men in many areas: Women earn more college degrees; they’ve flooded the ranks of middle management; they’ve taken over certain industries. Women can do everything on their own. So why on earth should today’s woman expect a man to exhibit any form of traditional romance, that is, to pay for dates or pull out chairs or open doors, or engage them in any elaborate romantic fantasies (at any stage of a relationship) in which men put women on pedestals or treat them like the more delicate sex?

Many women say they don’t want such treatment, anyway; they can open their own damn doors, thank you very much! Candlelit dinners? Barf! Pay the tab on the first couple of dates? Let’s go Dutch instead! Take your time getting to know me? What’s a girl got to do to get laid around here, anyhow! So what’s a man to do; what’s a man to think? Women bemoan the downward trajectory of chivalry and romance in one breath but in subsequent exhales brand men as chauvinists for wanting to pay the bill and deficient for not being more like, well, women.

I can understand then the desire of many modern men to eschew outdated, one-size fits all models of romance and chivalry. (I can also understand their desire to cling to it. Take a middle-aged man’s comment on a blog entry about the death of romance: “From an old guy of 52… It is not only women who miss these things. I feel I am defunct… a dying breed whose time has passed and longs for a time when it was fashionable to woo a woman.”) I can also understand that while plenty of women long to be romanced in more traditional ways, plenty of women don’t care a snit for being treated as such, and many prefer to view romance in more progressive terms: “I find it romantic to come home to find he’s randomly cleaned my apartment or that he’s run an errand for me,” says a facebook commenter.

*****A 21^st-Century View****

Maybe, in the 21^st century, females especially, need to start looking at this romance thing a little differently. As gender roles become less rigid, as definitions of masculinity and femininity are being rewritten, romance can’t be viewed so myopically anymore.

Modern-day women might do well to consider other definitions of romance aside from the traditional varieties they fuss over in fiction and film. Besides, having impossibly high standards and unrealistic expectations based on fictitious relationships can be unhealthy and unproductive for couples. (The same goes for guys and the mind-boggling female acrobatics seen in porn, not that I’ve seen any … .)

Women should also consider that today’s man needs romance too. But men must not forget that some form of romance is crucial for women. (Especially for physiological purposes: With regards to sexual intercourse, a man is often physically raring to go within seconds; a woman can take 20-30 minutes to get in the mood – her emotions need to be roused to get her physically aroused.)

Ultimately, romance in the 21^st century isn’t necessarily about one gender doing and one gender receiving via opened doors or bestowed longstemmed roses or paid tabs (though it certainly still can be, especially in the dating stages); it’s a genderless concept. It’s about creating for another human being a feeling of being cared for, admired, special, appreciated, valued, protected even. Sweeping gestures can be great, but the real hope for romance today lives on in the attentive touches and thoughtfulness we bestow upon each other in our day-to-day lives. These things never go out of style, at any phase of a relationship. Considering the 50% divorce rate, which looms over our heads at all times, like a giant, immovable rain cloud, we may need romance more than ever before.

And the truth is that romance is too personal an experience to define as one way of being or acting toward one another for both men and women, and ultimately an intricate and unique equation for singles and couples alike to decipher. Although Nehring never defined it in her book, leaving that decision up to the reader, she enlists both genders to go to battle for romance, to fight for what she hopes will be “an era of revived romantic hope.”

I truly believe romance in whatever form works for you is a positive force for men and women, the glue that can hold us together through the inevitable confusion that erupts out of our sometimes volcanic differences. Understand also that its definition may change over the years: Personally speaking, a bouquet of flowers from my significant other may be one more thing I have to look after when I’m juggling babies and a career. I suspect I’ll always love the gesture, but nothing in life is ever certain (except, of course, death and taxes).

I’ll leave you with some sage advice from the adorably shy and inimitable Matthew Cuthbert, who says to his adopted daughter Anne Shirley (an eternal romantic), in Lucy Maud Montgomery’s “Anne of Green Gables” (one of my favorite childhood books): “Don’t give up all your romance, Anne. A little of it is a good thing – not too much, of course – but keep a little of it, Anne, keep a little of it.”

Also in The Good Men Project

A Valentine for Esther

Neely Steinberg — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:01:13 +0000

It’s ironic and perhaps heartbreaking that the woman who helped create an industry based on love and romance never seemed to experience those things in her own life.

It was said that Miss Esther Howland, dubbed the “Mother of the American Valentine,” lived vicariously through her card empire. To this day, she is often credited as the brain child behind the production of the first elaborate, European-style, hand-assembled valentines in America.

Today’s multi-billion-dollar greeting card industry is indebted to her foresight and talent.
I had never heard about Esther Howland until recently, but her story – which I stumbled upon while surfing the internet – intrigued me and captured my imagination.

Esther was born in 1828 and grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts. In 1847, she graduated from Mount Holyoke Female Seminary (now Mount Holyoke College). She was 19. Under the tutelage of Mary Lyon, the school’s progressive founder, Esther excelled in her studies, perhaps determined to follow the advice of her teacher who told her students to “go where no one else will go, do what no one else will do.”

After graduation, Esther received an elaborate English valentine from one of her father’s business associates. Was it a declaration of his love for her? No one knows for sure. And although Esther was said to be impressed by the card, she was certain she could do better.

As the story goes, Esther convinced her father, Southworth Allen Howland, owner of a successful bookstore and stationery shop, based in Worcester, to order lace paper and other supplies from England and New York City. From these materials, she made a dozen valentine samples, which her brother, a traveling salesman for the family store, added to his book and stationery catalog for his next sales trip.

Esther was stunned when her brother returned home with more than $5,000 (the equivalent of about $150,000 in 2012) in advance sales. Bolstered by this demand, she laid out plans for production, organizing an all-female assembly line. And like that, Esther’s valentine venture, which produced beautiful cards at a wide range of prices, was born. Advertising and word-of-mouth led to a $100,000 per year business (the equivalent of millions today).

Esther’s entrepreneurial vision was considered revolutionary, not only from a feminist standpoint (at that time few women started businesses) but also from the perspective of the American valentine industry – one that had been sorely lacking in grace, elegance, and beauty.

Although much was written about Esther’s impressive business successes, other aspects of her existence were a bit hazier.

Unfortunately, my internet sleuthing left me empty-handed when it came to some of the more intimate details of Esther’s life. My imagination getting the better of me, I began to creatively fill in the blanks. What was Esther like in her personal life? How did she really feel about love and romance? Did she have many suitors? Why did she never marry? Were the lines on the inside of her cards, such as the following, inspired by a real-life romance?

Love/or Love Deal’ youth

I do accept your heart,

And value much the prize

For tho’you ne’er did tell your love,

I read it in your eyes.

Or was Esther simply more interested in the romance of business than in the business of romance? Did she ultimately sacrifice one for the other? Without knowing the real specifics of her life, other than the fact that she was confined to a wheelchair at 38 and died single and unmarried at 76, I was left to imagine the answers to these particular questions.

I envisioned a rich but lonely woman staring out a window as she formulated the poetic words to be written inside her elaborate lace creations, words that she would never fully be able to comprehend. Maybe the closest thing to Eros in her life was the fantastical world of other people’s romances. Maybe she was content surrounding herself with the idea of love and was too busy running a valentine card empire to make room for a little romance of her own. Maybe Esther made the choice of career over love. Would she have been able to succeed in her business if she had chosen to also get married, raise children, and take care of a home?

As I continued to reflect on what I knew of Esther’s life and what I imagined it to be, it dawned on me that her legacy was truly what mattered. Because of Esther and, certainly, women like her, who proved to many that a female could successfully forge paths outside of hearth and home, it became possible for future generations of women to do the same. Esther’s ambition enabled today’s woman to have more choices in life, to realize her potential, to choose her own destiny.

If Esther consciously and purposefully made this sacrifice, it turns out it was more than just a personal one; it was a sacrifice for female posterity, a sacrifice that ultimately helped other women gain the ability to, in the words of her old Mount Holyoke teacher, “go where no one else will go, do what no one else will do.”

For your sacrifice, Esther, this is my valentine to you.

The single girl’s guide to New Year’s Eve

Patricia Leavy — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:44:59 +0000

Sometimes people use New Year’s Eve as a barometer to measure how well their life is going: Big plans equals a big life. Over-bloated expectations can make this a tough holiday, especially when you’re single. It is impossible to escape the questions that highlight great expectations others have for your “big night.” And on top of it all, if you’re single there’s the dreaded tradition of someone to kiss at midnight.

There are two typical ways single gals may deal with the New Year’s Eve pressure-cooker: avoiding it or faking it. But there’s no reason to crawl under the covers or to slap on a make-believe happy face and stay out until all hours. Here are my top tips for single women looking to genuinely enjoy New Year’s Eve, either with your single friends or on your own.

If you have some other single gal-pals this is a great opportunity to spend some time with them. Use New Year’s as an excuse to capitalize on the importance of strong female friendships and to celebrate the women in your life.

Have a girlfriend get-together at your place.

If you’re with your friends I recommend avoiding the bar or club scene. It’s a high-pressure night and you’re likely to feel like it’s all about forced-fun, flirting with anyone around, and potentially hooking-up with someone you would avoid on a “normal” day. Instead, grab your girlfriends and stay in.

Host a finger food party.

Have each guest bring an appetizer and a bite-size dessert. These fun foods can be passed around all night or set up on a buffet. You can munch throughout the evening as you talk, drink and laugh. This will be less work than serving a traditional dinner and a lot more fun.

Have a classic movie marathon.

Pick up a set of classic mysteries (like Hitchcock) or have a horror film festival. Avoid anything sappy, like dramas and romantic comedies. Pop a few batches of popcorn (you can add fun flavors to them to make it more festive) and ask each of your friends to bring a bag of their favorite fun-size candies/chocolates. Create a little movie buffet, sit down and have some fun. Incidentally, this movie night can just as easily be adapted for one. Don’t skimp on yourself—do up the popcorn and candy and see some of the movies that have always been on your “list.”

Make your own spa night.

Stop at your local beauty supply store and splurge on some relaxing spa treatments: bubble bath, a body exfoliator, a face mask and some luxurious lotion. Follow-up with a do-it-yourself manicure and pedicure in a cheerful color that embraces the day.

Don’t forget, in life you need to take care of yourself first so kick off the New Year celebrating the most important person in your life – YOU – and get ready for your best year yet!

For richer or poorer…till’ our marriage expires

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:01:31 +0000

By Elizabeth Race-Moore at Emmanuel College

For many young people the idea of marriage may seem outdated and old fashioned. Perhaps it’s the “till’ death do us part” line that sends 20-something’s running. But lawmakers are now looking to make the enslavement of marriage a little less scary, and a little easier to get out of.

The idea is to create a contract between married couples that would require a marriage renewal after 10 years of marriage. After that time, couples would either agree to extend their marriage or have it dissolved. Couples wishing to get married already have to fill out their marriage license; this contract would be very similar.

The contract would also specify how to split up property, pay alimony and determine custody of children in the case that the marriage was not extended.

Photo Credit: almightydad.com

Boston’s unhitched women are warming to the idea.

“The downside of this law is that it might encourage people to jump into marriages too soon,” said Nicole Oliveira, Emmanuel College Junior.

“But at the going rate of divorce, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea.”

Political party members are not looking to speed up divorce but to give a solid chance to the marriage. On the other hand, this can help to avoid the long and complicated process that comes with a divorce.

For the younger generations starting to think about marriage, this mandatory “expiration date” could dramatically cut the rate of commitment phobia.

“I know all too many guys who will say ‘I’m never getting married’ or ‘Who wants to be with one person for the rest of your life,’” said Boston College Junior, Hannah Kavanaugh.

Maybe if more people felt they weren’t being sentenced to life at the altar, it might open their eyes to the idea of marriage. “The first ten years is like a test run, see where it goes from there.”

Top 10 Best Date Spots in Boston — According to the Boston Tweet Guy

Neely Steinberg — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 15:09:38 +0000

After graduating from college in … oh never mind, I moved immediately to Boston. Over the last several years, I’ve come to know the area quite well and have been on my fair share of urban adventures, one of which had me dancing with people who smelled really bad. Given my many experiences gallivanting around the city, I could probably rattle off a bunch of great date spots, but I thought it would be way more fun to ask a man who has made a job out of scouring every inch of Beantown and beyond; a man who, like George Costanza, probably knows the location of every public bathroom in the city (the city of Boston, that is). That man is Tom O’Keefe, also known as the Boston Tweet Guy.

A serial entrepreneur, O’Keefe started Boston Tweet in November 2008 as “a way to create awareness for local business when the economy was descending into a recession.” He tweets daily about news, events, food and drinks that he believes are of interest to 20- and 30-somethings living in the city. (Read more about his life as a perma-tweeter in this interview). O’Keefe now has over 41,000 followers; currently, I have 149, and I’m extremely jealous. But I reached out to him, anyway (because jealousy is a an evil emotion that can make us do really mean things, like when you’re 12 and you tell your friend’s boyfriend that she said he was a bad kisser because, well, she did but mostly because you’re jealous he’s into her and not you and you’re tired of making out with the mirror and your pillow), to ask for his expert opinion on great date spots around the Hub.

In no particular order, here are the Top 10 Best Date Spots, according to Tom O’Keefe:

The Boston Public Garden

The Public Garden is the first public botanical garden in the United States and it continues to be the most beautiful place in Boston. The Public Garden is the perfect date spot – it’s romantic, beautiful, and free. You’ll score bonus points if you can rattle off the names of more than three types of flowers currently in bloom – I never get past tulips. After you impress your date with your floricultural knowledge, take a stroll over to the Frosty Ice Cream Truck (Arlington and Boylston) for a cone or a stop at the Parish Cafe for a bite.

Neely’s note: I’ll pay you $100 (in Monopoly money, which, as it happens, is the official currency of Occupy Boston) if you can tell me the name of the sculptor who is both related to me and has a statue in the Garden. Hint: the sculptor is a woman and her name rhymes with Lashka Taeff. Leave your guesses in the comments section below.
Another note from Yours Truly: You might want to save this date spot for a day when flowers are actually in bloom. But the Parish Café is delicious no matter what time of year. Try the Zuni Roll – delectable!

Tour Fenway Park

Everybody loves Fenway Park and now that the Sox won’t be back until 2012 you can take a tour of the park every day, on the hour, from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m.

Tasty Burger

If you build up an appetite on your Fenway Park tour then lucky for you: Tasty Burger is behind the park serving delicious and extremely affordable burgers in an old converted garage – which means it’s just as casual as Fenway Park.

SoWa Sundays

If you’re never been to a SoWa Sunday then you’re missing out on a great afternoon of food trucks, vintage items, food markets, music and tons of locally made crafts that you never knew you needed. A SoWa Sunday is a great casual date for those who want to enjoy being outside while looking at melted beer bottles and eating the occasional grilled cheese sandwich from Roxy’s.

Picco

Beer, pizza and ice cream. What else could you ask for on a date? Picco is one of my favorite spots in the South End because it’s casual, affordable, the pizza is great, the craft beer is plentiful, and they also specialize in ice cream.

Craft Beer

If you want to impress your date with your knowledge of craft beer then a visit to the Publick House (Washington Square), Meadhall (Kendall Square) and/or Lord Hobo in Inman Square are perfect spots for “beer geeks on a date.” Combined, the three bars have hundreds of taps, even more bottles, and enough ABVs to relax your nerves.

Go For a Walk

One of the things I love most about Boston is that it’s a walkable city. You can walk from the Back Bay to Beacon Hill to the North End, and even Cambridge, within a few hours. Go for a walk, enjoy the conversation, and along the way you’ll discover some new neighborhoods, restaurants, and cafes.

MFA

The MFA is hands down my favorite museum in Boston and the perfect place to spend the day admiring works of art almost as beautiful as your date. If you’re a student, then you’re date is free! The MFA’s University Membership Program offers free admission to college students who attend college in the Boston area.

The Abbey – Washington Square, Brookline

The Abbey is that perfect date restaurant. The food is amazing, the atmosphere is dimly lit by candlelight, the service is impeccable and Emack & Bolio’s is next door for that required “first date ice cream cone.”

The North End

I personally don’t think you can go wrong with any restaurant in the North End but a few of my favorites are Bricco, Cantina Italiana and Lucca. After dinner take a walk over to Caffe Vittoria on Hanover Street to enjoy an after dinner drink and an amazing chocolate mousse cake.

Neely’s note: I’ll pay you $250 in Monopoly money and give you my title deed for Marvin Gardens if you can find a very skinny house in the North End that was built out of spite. Yes, that’s right: spite.

Are you an expert on a topic related to dating/sex/love/relationships? Want to submit an “According To … ” list and see it published in Blast Magazine? Email me at: neelysteinberg@gmail.com.

Sex just got fashionable

Shannon O'Neill — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 23:39:45 +0000

“ooo” boutique wants you to do it with style — literally. The Los Angeles-based company has launched FDA-approved condoms with stylish, tongue-in-cheek packaging that will make you the most fashionable sexpot in town.

Three different types of condoms — ultra thins dubbed feel me, “pleasure-shaped” rubbers called rock me, and flavored condoms called savor me — are available in six varieties of packaging. Photographs of an elevator, a pile of hay, and other places to get it on are featured on the take me packaging; Kung Fu Sutra features naughty pen-and-ink art; work from up-and-coming artists is featured on art of lust; and the try me set will give you ideas when you’re bored with yawn-inducing missionary. Less exciting but equally as fashionable are the handy tryst boxes, which are complete with lusty words of longing, and the passion packs, which look like chic, romantic goody bags complete with silver ribbons.

Adam Glickman, president and CEO of Condomania, an “ooo” boutique partner, said that these condoms “underscore safer sex, while never taking an eye off the importance of having fun. They make a bold, stylish statement…and should be a part of every young person’s wardrobe.”

Retail prices for “ooo” boutique condoms range from $1.99 for singles to $24.95 for gift sets. For more information, visit www.oooboutique.com.

V-Day in Boston: The best deals in town

Tara Rufo — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:21:24 +0000

Still trying to find the perfect place to take your lady this Valentine’s Day? Don’t worry; we did the work for you! Here is a list of 10 places around Boston where you and your sweetheart can wine, dine, and get cozy. P.S. You’re on your own for presents.

The Beehive: Valentine’s Day 3 Days of Luv’n
541 Tremont Street Boston MA 02116
This three day long love fest includes Valentine’s Day inspired food, cocktails, and live performances. The weekend long celebration begins on February 12th and ends on the 14th. Reservations are highly encouraged and can be made by calling 617-423-0069

http://www.beehiveboston.com/

Boston Harbor Cruises: Valentine’s Day Dinner Cruise
1 Long Wharf Boston, Ma 02110
February 13th from 8pm-11pm
Price: $99.95/person
Price includes: Catered dinner buffet, full cash bar, champagne toast, complimentary photo keepsake, and one of Boston’s best DJs.
Reservations are required and can be made by calling 877-SEE-WHALE or by going to Bostonharborcruises.com

33 Restaurant and Lounge
33 Stanhope St Boston, Ma 02116
February 12th – February 14th 5pm – 11pm
Enjoy a five-course prix-fixe dinner that includes a Seared Duck Breast with pink lentils and pomegranate glaze. Dinner package is $85 per person, or $125 with a special wine pairing. All couples will receive a box of handmade truffles and ladies will also receive a red rose. http://33restaurant.com/

Top of the Hub
800 Boylston St Boston, Ma 02199
February 13 4- 11 p.m. and February 14 12-10 p.m.
Top of the Hub is offering a four-course prix-fixe dinner menu at $250 per couple. There will also be a vegetarian menu made available. Reservations are needed A.S.A.P. and may be made on their website: www.topofthehub.net

Casablanca
40 Brattle St Cambridge, Ma 02138
February 12 – February 14 for dinner
Casablanca will be offering a three-course prix-fixe menu at $55 per person. At $80/person you will receive the prix-fixe dinner with wine pairing which includes 1/2 glass with each course as well as a glass of champagne. http://www.casablanca-restaurant.com/

Temple Bar
1688 Massachusetts Ave Cambridge, Ma 02138
February 12th – February 14*
Three-course prix-fixe on Valentine’s Day for $49 per person additional wine pairing is available for another $20 per person. Make your reservation now by calling 617-547-5055. Limited prix-fixe options are available Friday and Saturday night. http://www.templebarcambridge.com/

Rowes Wharf Sea Grille
70 Rowes Wharf Boston, Ma 02110
February 14
For $70 per person you can enjoy a special four-course prix-fixe dinner which includes a champagne toast. Rowes Wharf Sea Grille overlooks Boston Harbor making it the ultimate setting for you and your valentine. http://www.roweswharfseagrille.com/

McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurants
34 Columbus Ave Boston, Ma 02116 1 Faneuil Hall Market Place North Market Building Boston, Ma 02109
February 12th – February 14
Create the perfect pair for $29.95, deserts range from $3.95 – $6.95. You can make your reservations right on the website or take advantage of the Valentine’s Concierge Service. When making your reservation ask the hostess about personalized menus, flowers, and more. http://www.mccormickandschmicks.com/

dbar
1236 Dorchester Ave, Dorchester, Ma 02125
February 12 – February 14
A delicious four-course prix-fixe dinner is available Valentine’s Day weekend for $59 per person. Meals include “Honey Bunny” (rabbit rillettes on Brioche toast), grilled Meyer beef rib “Eye Love You” and “Chocolate Love Affair” (chocolate fondant with chocolate ice cream) for dessert. Reservations are suggested and can be made by calling 617-265-4490 or by emailing info@dbarboston.com http://www.dbarboston.com/

Tasca Tapas Restaurant

1612 Commonwealth Ave Brighton, Ma 02135 A Valentine’s Gala menu which includes a four-course prix-fixe dinner for $59 per person (includes a bottle of wine per couple or a pitcher of Sangria). Pre-theatre price is $49 per person for reservations made between 5pm and 6:15pm. Reservations will be taken at 15 minute intervals from 5pm to 11:30pm. Please email reservation requests. http://tascarestaurant.com/

Sex lessons from apes … seriously

Allison Hughes — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:23:47 +0000

CAMBRIDGE — Sure, we’ve evolved, but there’s still a lot we can learn from our primate relatives. When it comes to the evolution of our sex lives, researchers have been taking notes on what separates man from ape. The human approach to sex may be different, but there are still lessons we can take away from a primate’s way of handling business. (Insert your own Curious George reference here.)

Zarin Machanda, a Harvard biological anthropology graduate student and resident primate “sexpert” shared her thoughts on sexual evolution at the Harvard Museum of Natural History on June 18. Her lecture, “Everything You’ve Always Wanted to Know about Primate Sex but Never Wanted to Ask,” covered some lessons to be learned from the sex lives of our closest links.

1. Be a lover, not a fighter

Our DNA may be 98.6 percent identical to chimpanzees, but their relative bonobos take a more human approach when it comes to the value of sex. According to Machanda, if two bonobos become anxious about sharing a resource like food, they will engage in sexual activity to relieve anxiety and then share the goods. “Let’s reduce tension with some sexual behavior, and then we’ll share some fruit,” Machanda explained. Bonobos will use this tactic for conflict resolution and stress reduction. So the next time the stock market crashes or rent is due, take a note from the bonobos.

2. Size matters

The need to compete and exert their sexual dominance has made male primates much larger than their female counterparts. For a male primate to survive and pass on his genes, bigger is always better — in more ways than one. “What would be your reaction,” Machanda asked, “if I told you a chimpanzee brain is the same size as a chimpanzee testicle?” The ability for chimps to reproduce frequently is just as important as their ability to think. According to Machanda, human males compete less, which changed these proportions. (Although some females who attended the lecture strongly suggested this was up for debate.)

3. Sometimes quantity is just as important as quality.

Quality can never be overrated, but when it comes to chimps, the good, old-fashioned quickie is key. Not that it doesn’t take a certain amount of patience. According to Machanda, who videotaped chimpanzee interaction in Uganda, male chimpanzees are experts in persistence. “He’s been shaking that tree for half an hour waiting for her to come down,” she said, showing a video of a male chimp coaxing a female from a tree. Eventually, his patience paid off. But when all is said and done, chimpanzee sex lasts a whopping eight seconds– less time than it takes to read this paragraph. This time frame allows females to have sex up to 50-60 times per day.

4. Don’t rule out the cougars.

According to Machanda, both human and chimpanzee males discriminate by age. “Human males are really interesting,” said Machanda. “It is almost always the younger, the better.” Chimps on the other hand, prefer to put age before beauty. “If you are a male chimp,” she said, “the oldest, sagging breasts female– that is your Venus.” Why? According to Machanda, the oldest females have proven their fertility, which makes them more desirable mates.

5. Attraction makes us civilized.

The defining factor between primate and human sexual interactions rests in the hands of the females. “One of the biggest differences with humans is that human females are permanently attracted to the males,” said Machanda. Instead of only desiring companionship during ovulation, human females are attracted to their mates at any point in the month. According to Machanda, “That has a lot of implications for our social system.” And our sex lives. It is this difference that allows humans to bond in pairs for life, and what makes our sexual practices distinct from our primate kin. “The human condition is very interesting in terms of sexual behavior,” Machanda said. “That is really, strikingly different.”

Machanda’s lecture was the first of three on evolution, as part of the Harvard Museum of Natural History’s, “Summer Nights at the Museum.” The next event, “Life’s a Niche,” will be held July 16. For more information, click here.

Your V-Day gift list

Christine Cassis — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 04:00:34 +0000

Some may think that Valentine’s day is commercialized and cliche, while others pretend that it doesn’t even exist, but this doesn’t make it any easier on those of us looking to find the perfect gift for that special someone.

Below, you’ll find some of this season’s hottest picks, for you girlfriend, boyfriend, mom, kids or whomever you may like. These are original ideas, that won’t hurt your bank account.

Her.

Looking to buy some intimate apparel that you and your girl can appreciate together, but not into Victoria’s Secret and high prices? Affinitas Intimates could be the solution for you. Sweet or sexy, Affinitas sells lingerie from 16 different collections from $8-45 . Headquartered in Los Angeles, the company’s French-design team creates all the pieces that are sold at select on-line stores nationwide.

Belli Skincare, specifically designed for pregnant women, new moms and babies, is the only skin care product in the world that is teratology screened, making it one of the safest products for prenatal care. The skin care line has products to treat stretchmarks, diaper rash, and dark under-eye circles from all of those sleepless nights rocking the baby to sleep. Visit the line’s website for more info, product listings, and to shop their different lines; belli pregnancy, belli baby and belli motherhood.

Whether you’re trying to swaddle a finicky baby and prevent it from crying or you’re hoping to keep your baby comfortable and warm for naptime, SwaddleDesigns has created special Valentine’s day-inspired blankets. SwaddleDesigns are stylish baby blankets, putting a fashionable spin on baby essentials, which make a perfect gift for new parents. Loved by celebrities, like Tori Spelling and the Jolie-Pitts, they also have everything from zzZip Me Sacks, stroller blankets, and bibs to organic cotton or cashmere blankets and gift sets.

If you’re looking to buy something outside of the realm of the bedroom for your lady, Yahoo has compiled a list of wallet-friendly traditional gifts too. Everything from earrings to perfume and flowers (even suggested bouquets) are listed.

Him.

For the special man in your life cologne and watches are always a nice gift, but trying something new is always more exciting. If your guy is a sports fan but tickets are expensive and hard to come by, try some television packages. Comcast offers an NFL Network, college sports packages, and just about every other sport you can think of -so your better half will never miss a game and be able to watch from the comfort of his own couch. Check your local listings for prices online, (packages cost about $100).

If your guy isn’t into sports, electronics have been on sale since the economy took a turn for the worst. Online and branch stores are offering great deals on DVDs, blu-ray disk players, digital cameras and more. If he is somewhat of a male fashionista, Karmaloop, the trendy clothing, sneaker and accessory line, is also having a 30 percent off sale. Their items are good enough for Kanye West so they will be good for your man too.

Looking for a couples gift or want to share something together? Call up your local hotel and ask about overnight or weekend couples packages. It’s the off-season for hotels, and with the economy still at a low-point, hotels are doing everything they can to attract business. Couples packages often include couples massages, restaurant deals and of course, champagne.

Finally, for the couple who might not want to work things out, a new voicemail service, slydial, will be ideal. Slydial allows you to connect directly to someone’s voicemail, skipping the waiting, the ringing and the risk of your ex answering. The creator of the product, MobileSphere, has applications for iPhones, Blackberrys, and Windows Mobile. Since it’s launch just 3 months ago, slydial has had more than one million calls placed through the service. Just dial 267-SLYDIAL and follow the prompts.

Lesbians love V-day too

Leysha Penfold — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 04:00:43 +0000

Valentine’s Day is an age-old tradition; a day set aside for exchanging love with your partner via gifts or cards. ‚ Some may argue it’s another heterosexual “Hallmark” invention but according to a current poll on lesbian dating and community site PinkSofa.com, 93 percent of lesbians embrace it.

So how do most lesbians like to celebrate Valentine’s Day and what should you bestow upon your sweetheart to keep those flames burning? According to a third of the 1,700 lesbian respondents, the number one most wanted gift was a romantic weekend getaway.

If that’s out of the budget you could always consider the next two most popular wishes. Simply some loving kisses or, for something more rigorous, a full body massage with essential oils. ‚ For those more inclined in the kitchen she’d probably be content with a home-cooked candlelight dinner, an option more favored than taking her out for a meal.

If none of the above appeal your lover, you are starting to get into dangerous waters.‚ The rest of the preferences were chosen by 5 percent or less, although it seems hard to argue with their choice, ‚ who said they would love to receive a poem written just for them.

Surprisingly a dozen red roses, a champagne bubble bath or a box of chocolates are just not going to cut it. Forget the practical approach such as a hardware store gift certificate too, that will get you nowhere. And‚ don’t even surprise her with a ring, only 2 percent of women chose that option.

So, all things considered, it seems you need to save your pennies, pack the lip balm and candles, and get your maps out to start planning that weekend trip. If you combine the top four most popular Valentine desires you will be golden.

10 tips for long distance relationships

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:00:27 +0000

(ARA) “" You finally met the person of your dreams. There’s just one small problem — you live hundreds of miles apart and neither of you is able or willing to move. You face the challenge of the “long distance relationship” — a lifestyle choice for about 25 million people around the world.

Long distance relationships (LDRs) are on the rise and a diverse range of people are involved. About 15 million people in the United States consider themselves to be in some form of LDR, according to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. Of those, 3.6 million are married people who live apart for reasons other than marital discord, and about 4 million are college students in some form of premarital LDR, studies show.

“Greater economic migration, online dating, the need to travel for work and increased military deployment have all contributed to the increase in the number of LDRs in our culture,” says Michelle Callahan, celebrity relationship expert, developmental psychologist and co-host of the hit reality-show competition “Queen Bees” on The N. “Commuter marriages and the concept of “Ëœliving apart, together’ are gaining social acceptance. Society has accepted long distance relationships as viable options.”

Contrary to what was once popular belief, studies have shown that long distance relationships can, and often do, succeed — at least as well as relationships in which the couples live together or live close to each other. Nor are couples in LDRs any more likely to cheat on each other than are “proximal” couples, although the LDR mates do tend to worry more about the risk of an affair, studies show.

So how do you make your long distance relationship work? Callahan offers 10 simple tips to manage long distance relationships:

1. Understand your relationship.

Don’t make assumptions about the exclusivity of your relationship. Get to know each other well and when the time is right, discuss where things are going. Try to be understanding of your partner’s needs and whether a long distance relationship is going to work for each of you.

2. Communicate regularly

Whether by phone, e-mail, webcam, etc., share the mundane and routine as well as the special and significant.

3. Use technology.

Video chat programs such as ooVoo have become best friends to those in LDRs since you can connect to anyone in the world for free. Connecting face-to-face is significantly more intimate than having a phone conversation. You can see your loved one, read his or her body language and pick up on subtle messages that can be lost over the phone or misinterpreted completely via e-mail or instant messaging. In addition to enabling you to chat live with your sweetheart over the Internet, ooVoo also allows you to record one-minute video messages to send to your loved one. Visit www.ooVoo.com to learn more.

4. Do things together despite the distance.

Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously and video chat about it after or during. Read a book at the same time. Exchange recipes and prepare meals at the same time while on the phone or on ooVoo. Parents can use video chat to read to their children.

5. Send care packages every once in awhile.

Pack it with unexpected surprises that remind them of you, like books, music, puzzles, candies, flowers, gift cards, a movie ticket or a personalized poem. The more personalized you make the gifts, the more impact they will have.

6. Remind yourself of the advantages of being apart.

That’s including more time with friends and family, no arguments over bathroom time or conflicting habits, the ability to maintain your individuality, possible financial benefits and the pleasure of seeing your loved one again after a long absence.

7. Don’t be afraid to disagree.

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship and can be healthy if managed properly. When it’s time to confront your partner, do so over video chat rather than by phone or e-mail. Written communication can be misconstrued and never taken back, and verbal conversations alone lack the visual cues needed in emotional situations.

8. Visit as often as budgets and schedules allow.

But avoid placing too much pressure on physical meetings. If a visit does not go well, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. Even close proximity relationships go through peaks and valleys.

9. Be realistic.

Jealousy, over-control and drama are poison to a relationship. Be realistic — just because you can’t be together all the time doesn’t mean either of you should live in social isolation. Accept that your partner needs an active social life, just as you do.

10. Know when to call it a day.

We’ve all stayed in relationships after they have ceased to be healthy, and LDRs are especially susceptible to the problem since warning signs can be missed or confrontation avoided.

“Like traditional, close-proximity relationships, long distance relationships require hard work and communication” Callahan says. “But with modern technology making it easier than ever to stay in touch with loved ones, there’s no reason why you and your significant other can’t enjoy a very happy life together … apart.”

Courtesy of ARAcontent

Lesbian legal rights historically passed by Australian Senate

Leysha Penfold — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 20:41:10 +0000

SYDNEY, Australia — Lesbian relationships in Australia received welcome recognition this November after two bills enforcing equality were passed through the Senate.‚ The amendments expanded the terms “de facto relationship”, “parent”, “step-parent” and “relative” to include same-sex couples giving them equal rights on a number of issues.

Australian Social Security entitlements, Medicare health care, tax, and employment benefits were some of the areas where gay and lesbian couples would receive equal rights.

Openly gay Labor Senator Penny Wong said her government had followed through on last year’s election promises to remove discrimination from Australian Commonwealth laws.

“They deliver, on an important day for us, on a very important election commitment”, she said.‚ ”More importantly, they will deliver the sort of equality before the law that same-sex couples have never previously experienced.”

Liberal opposition Senator George Brandis acknowledged the significance of the bills saying they would complete law reform in the area of same-sex relationships which began 40 years ago when homosexual relationships were decriminalized.‚ Senator Bob Brown, leader of the Australian Greens party and also openly gay, was not so commending.‚ While he commended the ‚ recognition of rights, he was scathing for the ‚ lack of leadership to include equality in same-sex marriage.

“Both the older parties have a task to undertake: to communicate better with the Australian community and to understand that the pressure coming from sectional groups, minority groups, to sanction marriage for all couples regardless has great public support”,‚ Brown‚ said.

A poll taken by Australasia’s largest online lesbian dating and community site Pink Sofa supported Senator Brown’s sentiments with 88 per cent of the more than 4000 respondents wanting same sex marriages legalized. Website‚ member Jenny Ball was thrilled with the outcome but also wanted more.

“This really is a milestone for the Australian Gay and Lesbian Community and is something that has been long-awaited and now brings us in line with a number of other forward-thinking countries,”‚ Ball‚ said. ‚ ”The next key step is for the government to ratify the laws that currently prevent same-sex marriage, thereby removing the final piece of discrimination and marginalization against the community”.

Marriage for same-sex couples remains on the horizon however with the Labour Government as well as the opposition parties refusing to be swayed by public opinion.

Why we love Boston

Liz McClendon — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 04:00:53 +0000

Looking for a great place to rock around the Christmas tree this holiday season? Not looking to do it alone? Well, Forbes.com has unveiled its list of the 40 cities where you are statistically bound to find someone to meet you under the mistletoe.

Boston, home of Blast, was ranked lucky 7. Just barely beating New York City. To determine the rankings, Forbes looked at 40 of the largest cities in the US and ranked them according to “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dating, nightlife and number of singles”. Although some categories might leave you a little skeptical (“coolness” was determined by a poll that simply asked “Among the following U.S. cities, which one do you think is the coolest?”), the rankings are pretty interesting. Boston seems to fit rather fairly into the number 7 slot with a population of 4,058,570, with 29.09 percent of it being single.

Amongst the the criteria for ranking was online dating and Sam Yagan, owner of OkCupid.com and CrazyBlindDate.com which has a “chapter” in Boston, would have expected Boston to rank higher.

“It surprises me a little bit. I thought Boston would rank higher, just because there are so many young singles there and it’s such an easy place to be out and about,” Yagan said. Boston is one of the most popular cities on OKCupid.com for people between 18 and 34 he explained.

“The colleges absolutely have something to do with it. People who are in school are always dating – they are living in a dating bubble -there are lots of opportunities to get together, whether it’s parties or research around campus, and they have much more flexible schedule,” Yagan added, “On the other hand, the nightlife does tend to end a little early.”

That seems to be the main downside to Boston. Young adults are willing to stay out all night, but don’t really get that opportunity with Boston’s early bedtime – unlike New York, Las Vegas , and Miami, where the nightlife never ends. Boston’s saving grace in this category is its people. The night might end early, but the quality of the company might be a little higher than in other cities according to the polls.

“I’ve been single in both cities [Boston and New York] and I run a dating sight which also gives me insight,” Yagan said, “and I think that obviously NY nightlife goes much later, it’s usually 4 o’clock before most places think about closing, but Boston is more accessible and more casual. They’re not worried quite as much about what you wear, and in NY people are more focused on flaunting their wealth.”

Michael Winter, promoter for Saint one of Boston’s popular clubs, agrees. “As far as the people go, our people [Bostonians] tend to run clubs all over the country. Our people tend to be a lot more street smart and book smart. If you go to Vegas, a lot of the nightclubs there are run by Boston kids. I think we have a smarter breed … most of these kids have college degrees to boot. We’re a lot more real.”

Bostonians are apparently a lot more cultured, too, ranking second only to Los Angeles in the ranking’s categories. The Theatre District, array of musical groups and venues ranging from The Boston Symphony Orchestra to The Paradise have a lot to offer in the way of cultural diversity.

As Mark Twain once wrote, “In New York they ask ‘how much money does he have?’ In Philadelphia, they ask, ‘who were his parents?’ In Boston they ask, ‘how much does he know?’”. Boston is a thriving city of culture and colleges and a great place to meet other singles if you’re willing to spend a little quality time in a library or cafe rather than the discos.

The occasional romantic

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:26:49 +0000

Ever so often we get a piece that is nice and that we love to share with the world. With the fall comes the drop of old leaves and the promise of new ones in the Spring. Like this little piece says, change is a good thing. If you read Blast and have something to share, email us editors.

Your arms.

What to say about your arms? The comfort and warmth
they gave. The habit and tolerance they eventually
came to represent.

Now, I don’t have those arms. I have no expectation,
no routine. I have no worries or concerns.

It was hard to give up those arms, that smile, those
eyes; which I came to realize did not care for me as
much as I cared back. At the same time, its nice to
meet new arms, new smiles, new eyes; that prove to me
I can be liked.

Peace at the fact that other arms can provide that
comfort and warmth, without asking for more in return,
brings me joy. Happiness over knowing that custom
shouldn’t be stronger than love, gives me hope.

Now, I can think of the past and not miss those arms.
I have new arms that welcome me, with an open heart.

V-Day fashion tips

Elle Bowman — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:45:57 +0000

Blast’s fashionista, Elle Bowman, guides you through the hardest part of dating for some, getting dressed.

The Valentine’s Date Outfit Guide for Her

For an upscale affair, the little black dress is always a winner. Want a spicy, jaw-dropping look that will make that special someone notice you? Make it caliente with red, which is commonly looked upon as the color of love and passion. You will stand out in a room swarming with little black dresses. For this type of affair, keep the outfit traditional but add accessories to give it a special touch. For example, turn a hot necklace into a belt, wear appropriate but awesome shoes and carry an over-the-top purse. Make it your outfit, not the designer’s.

A casual chic affair, like a club or classy restaurant has much fewer restrictions, but let the jeans stay home tonight. Step it up a bit by wearing form-fitting fabrics that bring out your feminine charm. This date is about him being the man and you being the woman. The right clothes will give you a really flirty approach to the evening and you’ll have a great time. Love comes when you least expect it, so just enjoy the evening and let the chips fall where they may.

On a casual date, pair a sexy low-cut top of a soft, feminine color with the most flattering jeans you can find. Finish the look with amazing black pumps. The silhouette that you create will give you a taller, slimmer look. No one will be able to resist staring at this fabulous you. Couple it with a fashionable handbag and a pair of sunglasses.

The Valentine’s Date Outfit Guide for Him

Upscale, black-tie events for a man require a suit or tux. There is no way around it! Make yourself stand out with red accessories. If you have the personality to pull off wearing red shoes, it might get you the girl that likes that sort of thing. Select a cologne that smells great on you, this will definitely give you added sex appeal.

A man on a casual/chic date should wear dress slacks, a crew neck shirt and leather slip-on shoes as a foundation. A button-down shirt on top of the crew neck creates the boy next door look. A blazer for a power look, and a leather jacket makes for a bad boy look. Prefer a more urban feel? Add a ¾ length jacket. This creates a place to start that has endless possibilities. The tailored jeans are still in, and a nice jacket will complete the look.

The accessories that you select makes all the difference in the world: choose a Tag Heuer or Fossil watch, a platinum ring and a belt and shoe color that match and you’re good to go.

Casual date attire begins with jeans and a white t-shirt, and you build from there. This is a great foundation to achieve a variety of looks. Adding a button-down shirt with just the bottom few closed will get you a preppy look. Add an oversized button-down to get a street look. You can go with a black leather jacket and black square toe slip-on shoes for a more manly look.

Decide what look that you want to have and add the accessories that make the grade. Eyewear/sunglasses can add a certain level, if that’s what you’re going for. She’ll be trying hard to impress you, so try to match the effort.

Sexy Gift of the Month Club

Alyssa Gugliotti — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:45:22 +0000

As Valentine’s Day stirs feelings of love and lust, give the object of your affection a gift they’ll never forget. The Sexy Gift of the Month Club provides an innovative way to surprise your special someone and bring spice into your relationship.

Blush Group LLC, provides its customers with â€˜the art of sensual living’. Is this group the sponsor of the gift club or what? Creator Miller Canning’s idea was to design products that make her customers feel good. In addition to selling sex-related items, she offers gifts like sweet smelling soaps, bubble baths and an urban strip aerobics DVD led by a fitness expert.

“Our company tries to stay away from novelty items and focus on helping women and couples find quality products to enhance their sex lives,” said Canning.

Blush’s gift clubs are its signature items and have become the pillar of its success. Blush’s initial club, The Dirty Book Club, provides customers with a new, erotic book each month. While The Dirty Book Club satisfies customers’ reading pleasures, The Sexy Gift of the Month Club, provides customers with a sexy surprise to look forward to.

Imagine receiving a present every month that delights one of the five senses. Blush offers four, different packages of sexy gifts to bring excitement into the bedroom. Choose from the "Mood Setter" ($35.00), "Romantic Surprises" ($40.00), "Erotic Adventures" ($50.00), or "Premium" ($115.00). After starting the club in December 2005, the club has earned fans.

"I think the club appeals to anyone who wants to explore their sexuality, but is nervousabout going into a public store where they can be seen," said Canning. "Also, I think people who view sex as play and sensuality as something that is on the inside aremore apt to choose the club."

On the other hand, the Sexy Gift of the Month Club seeks to help customer’s become more open to their sexuality.

"It’s a great opportunity to not be responsible for pushing a partner to try something that he or she normally might not have tried. A recipient can just say, ‘hey, it’s here, so let’s try it.’ We give them the freedom to test boundaries with little embarrassment or guilt," added Canning.

With household sex toy parties on the rise and more and more people becoming interested in freely expressing their sexuality, the Sexy Gift of the Month Club provides a new outlet for eroticism.

"Typically people order 3-6 months, but we love the folks who re willing to try new products for a year. I think you get more variety and many more options to explore," said Canning. Best sellers include the "Original Rabbit Pearl," ($78.00) "Lily," ($134.00) "Accuvibe," ($68.00) as well as "O’My Natural Lubricant" ($16.50/$26.50) and a striptease dance DVD, "Strip To It" ($24.00).

"When I watch an Oprah show that is covering sexuality I listen to her audience and see how well our products map to their needs," said Canning.

The Sexy Gift Club of the Month aspires to make every day feel like Valentine’s Day and every relationship feel exciting and sensual.

"Imagine a surprise once a month that reminds you to slow downâ€¦or speed up," said Canning.

February 2007 cover gallery

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 07:00:44 +0000

A look at Sean and Cat, our hot young couple gracing the cover of Blast Magazine, in February.

We have Valentine’s Day to worry about this month, but Blast has you covered with gift ideas and tips and a candy/dessert gallery to die for. We also had Sean and Cat act out a fight–so it’s just the perfect Valentine’s Day!

Anatomy of a Fight

John M. Guilfoil — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 07:00:31 +0000

We know that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about roses and chocolate, and for many, it can be downright miserable. We wanted to do something different this month related to relationship interaction.

Something that captured the essence of V-Day and the hype over finding the right gift and booking the correct restaurant. We wanted to change it up.

So we had our models fight.

Enjoy.

Captions/text by John Guilfoil, photos by Aram Boghosian, both of the Blast Magazine staff