Hi Neely,
I used to think that women complaining that creepy men are “hitting on” them was in reference to men outright propositioning them in an (albeit) indirect fashion. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that that expression can be more broadly defined than that, which means that such men may have been called “creepy” for reasons other than propositioning them. But now I feel unmoored because my previous belief about how women react to men propositioning them was based on a language mistranslation. So what is the real scoop then? I am as romantic as any other creature but if society permitted me to walk up to a woman literally on the street to ask for sex I certainly would -but that isn’t what I am exactly asking about. Please don’t respond with the “women aren’t all the same” response- it is just too cliche, doesn’t really help to clarify a complex issue, and it assumes that just because I don’t know the basics about one thing that I don’t know the basics about other things. I hope you can answer this over email or on your video advice column. Thank you.
Unmoored, Location unknown
Submit your dating/relationship questions to [email protected]. Visit Neely’s Web site: neelysteinberg.com. Neely is also a dating coach; check out her coaching packages on her Web site.
Takeaways
- 20 seconds: My experience with a creeper just the other day – tune in to find out who he was and why I thought he was acting like a creep.
-
2:00: Why and where do women unfairly, often times, label men as creeps?
- 2:35: The 3 scenarios when a mad does or doesn’t get labeled a creep at a bar.
-
3:00: My advice to the man who wrote me re: the creep label.
- 3:40: What/who the reader should focus on instead of being labeled a creep.
You nailed it. If a strange guy engages you out of the blue, without prompting, on the street or in a random place and continues to engage in a suggestive way – well, hello – CREEP. If you are in a bar and a guy harasses you and you’ve said you’re not interested or are there just to hang with friends, and he doesn’t let up – CREEP. If he simply tries to make conversation and you’re there to meet people – well you opened yourself up to all types…
GOOD ONE.
So – I am super happy you addressed this. Women (myself included) tend to forget that not all men are comfortable socially and not all men are sure where to draw the line. This is something they should teach in school and require a practicum … social graces, and how to de-creep your conversation skills… Funny that this guys wasn’t sure where to draw the line. I’ll tell him – keep it about the weather, career, events in town, etc… superficial stuff until the lady invites you to discuss it on a more personal level, and NEVER turn it into something personal. If she says she is a pilates instructor when you are talking careers, do NOT say “I can tell by your body…” or something creepy like that, unless she has FIRST said you look like Brad Pitt and is obviously drooling over you…
I totally agree … some people (like my ex husband) are completely useless socially and end up creeping people out. Some guys are just plain creepy because they stare or act “abnormal”. You need to set your own limits to what is creepy for you. Great post!!